The Cullens Read new Moon
by pottergoose
Summary: What happens when the cullens come along new moon, will edward see why Bella was hurting all that time? Please take it easy, it's my first fanfic, and please r & r I accept criticism
1. Chapter 1

The Cullens read New moon

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters, although sometimes I wish I could own Edward. This great honor belongs to the amazing, wonderful Stephanie Meyer.

Summary: I always see the stories where the Cullens family finds a random copy of Twilight and read it and commentate it, but I have never seen one for New Moon. So I thought, what would it be like for them to read this one, so Edward could see what went on during the months of his absence.

Chapter 1

I was in the bookstore with Edward, trying to pick out a good book to read, having read Wuthering Heights about 20 times now, when I came across it. It was a large, hardcover book with an image of a bloody feather on it. I looked at the title, "New Moon." I had never heard of it so I decided to look at the back for the information on what the book was about. "I was perfect-not healed, but as if there had never been a wound in the first place." It reminded me of myself when I saved Edward in Italy.

I then took a look at the information on the inside, and the first thing that popped out at me was, "For Bella Swan, there is one thing more than life itself: Edward Cullen." WTH???

"Edward!" I yelled quickly.

"Hey what's wrong?" he asked.

"Take a look at this," I responded.

He looked at it, and his eyes widened in shock. "Is this some kinda sick joke?" he asked the store clerk.

The store clerk just smile at him (and winked), and said, "Trust me; YOU will want to read this one."

We decided to buy it and left the store afterwards. We got into the Volvo and drove home. When we got in the car, Edward immediately called Carlisle. "Carlisle, we were in Port Angeles today shopping, and came across this book, that I thought you ought to see." We got home and showed it to Carlisle, he was very surprised. "I think we should read it together out of curiosity." We went in the living room where everyone was sitting, including Jacob and Renesmee. Carlisle told them what was going on, and they voted for me to read it.

"I felt like I was trapped in one of those terrifying nightmares."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters, although sometimes I wish I could own Edward. This great honor belongs to the amazing, wonderful Stephanie Meyer

PirateGirlAuthor: wow my first review ever, and it's a good one thank you so much.

Chapter 2

We all sat down as a family, and I put Renesmee in my lap.

"K guys, I found this book in the Port Angeles bookstore today, and I wanted to show you guys it." I said. I read them the first line of the second paragraph on the inside cover. "For Bella Swan, there is one thing more important than life itself: Edward Cullen." They stared at the book in disbelief.

"Mommy, why does the book have you and Daddy's name in it?" asked Renesmee.

"I don't know, but that's why I bought it. I thought maybe we could read it together, I said. So I opened it ang began to read.

_PREFACE_ "I felt like I was trapped in one of those terrifying dreams, the ones where you have to run, run till your lungs burst, but you can't make your body move fast enough."

"Nice!" said shouted Emmett

"Hey Emmett, let's take a bet," said Jasper. "I bet you 10 dollars and your teddy bear that somehow this character's lungs really do explode."

"My legs seemed to move slower and slower as I fought my way through the callous crowd, but the hands on the huge clock tower didn't slow. With relentless, uncaring force, they turned inexorably toward the end- the end of everything."

"Hey hold on," I said, "clock tower?? Maybe it will show the months before that too, so you guys can really see all that I went through." I looked at the Cullens, who all looked ashamed. I looked at Edward and he had his head in his lap.

"But this was no dream, and, unlike the nightmare, I wasn't running for _my_ life; I was racing to save something infinetly more precious. my own life meant little to me at this point."

"Wow"

"OMG"

"Holy cow"

These were comments coming out of the Cullens mouths.

"I guess it's official," said Edward. "I guess I'm stuck for life."

"HEY!" I said jokingly.

"Alice had said there….."

"Well I guess it's official." Carlisle said, "The book is about us."

"I feel another bet coming on, Jasper." Emmett exclaimed. I bet you a week without sex Alice/Rosalie that this is just a coincidence and this is not about us."

"Your on," shouted Jasper. Rosalie and Alice GLARED at their husbands in amazement and disbelief.

"Alice said there was a good chance we would both die here. Perhaps the outcome would be different if she weren't trapped by the brilliant sunlight; only I was free to run across this bright, crowded square. And I couldn't run fast enough.

"Still just a coincidence, still just a coincidence," Emmett muttered to himself. Renesmee giggled at him.

"So it didn't matter to me that we were surrounded by our extraordinarily dangerous enemies. As the clock began to toll out the hour, vibrating under the soles of my sluggish feet, I knew I was too late- and I was glad something bloodthirsty waited in the wings. For in failing at this, I forfeited any desire to live. The clock tolled again, and the sun beat down from the exact center of the sky."

"And that's just the preface????" I said. "We so need to read this some more."

"Tomorrow," Carlisle said. "Look in your arms." I looked down to find my daughter fast asleep.

K I know it was short, but since I already got my first review, I'm anxious to get this one posted. I'm sure the next chapter will take longer to write because my hands are already tired from just writing the commentary on the preface. Please read and review


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters, although sometimes I wish I could own Edward. This great honor belongs to the amazing, wonderful Stephanie Meyer**

Chapter 3 (Party *chapter one*)

"K guys, you all ready for some more?" I asked the next morning, after Renesmee woke up.

"Let's do it!" exclaimed Alice.

I started reading. **Chapter one Party. I was ninety-nine point nine percent sure I was dreaming. The reasons I was so certain were that, first, I was standing in a bright shaft of sunlight-the kind of blinding clear sun that never shone on my drizzly new hometown in Forks, Washington.**

"No doubt about that," said Jacob, as we all definitely agreed.

**And second, I was looking at my Grandma Marie. Gran had been dead for six years now, so that was solid evidence toward the dreams theory.**

"Hi Bella's grandma!" exclaimed Emmett.

"Err Emmett, it's a book, she can't hear you. Plus she's dead!" I said as we all laughed.

"Oh oops. Oh and dang it I don't think it's about you anyway. The bets still on Jasper!" We all laughed and I continued

**Gran hadn't changed much; her face looked just the same as I remembered it. The skin was soft and whitened,**

"Bella, are you sure your grandma wasn't half leech, like Nessie here?" asked Jacob.

I glared at him and then answered, "no just albino. That's why I was so pale, My mom is part albino and so am I."

**Bent into a thousand tiny creases that clung gently to the bone underneath. Like a dried apricot, but with a poof of thick white hair standing out in a cloud around it. Our mouths-hers a wizened pucker-spread into a same surprised half-smile at just the same time. Apparently, she hadn't been expecting to see me, either.**

"I can just imagine. Hey grandma, how are you? How have you been for the last year? By the way, I'm dating a vampire and I'm totally in love with him." Emmett joked.

I replied, "Oh ha ha ha Emmett, very funny. But seriously, can you imagine what that would be like???"

**I was about to ask her a question; I had so many-What was she doing here in my dream? Was Pop okay, and had they found each other, wherever they were?-but she opened her mouth when I did, so I stopped to let her go first. She paused, and then we both smiled at the little awkwardness. "Bella?" It wasn't Gran who called my name, and we both turned to see the addition to our small reunion.**

"Hmm, I'll give you 3 guesses who else might be showing up in Bella's dreams," Rosalie pointed out.

**I didn't have to look to know who it was; this was a voice I would know anywhere-know, and respond to, whether I was awake or asleep… or even dead, I'd bet.**

"Probably," said Edward. I grinned at him.

**The voice I'd walk through the fire for-or, less dramatically slosh every day through the cold and endless rain for. Edward.**

"Wow, what a surprise," Rosalie said sarcastically.

**Even though I was always thrilled to see him-conscious or otherwise-and even though I was **_**almost**_** positive I was dreaming, I panicked as Edward walked toward us through the glaring sunlight.**

"Well that would, to say the least, shock your already dead grandmother, wouldn't it?" asked Jasper.

**I panicked because Gran didn't know that I was in love with a vampire-nobody knew that-so how was I supposed to explain the fact that the brilliant sunbeams were shattering off his skin into a thousand rainbow shards like he was made of crystal or diamond?**

Edward joked, "Well, how do you do, Grandma Swan. I'm Edward, Bella's boyfriend *at the time of the second book* and don't mind my sparkling. I guess I'm just shiny that way." We all died laughing.

_**Well, Gran you might have noticed that my boyfriend glitters. It's just something he does in the sun. Don't worry about it…**_

"See, what'd I say, lol?" Edward laughed. Renesmee giggled, which made us all smile.

"My chances at winning the bet of it being fictional are lessening by the page," Emmett frowned.

**What was he **_**doing**_**? The whole reason he lived in Forks, the rainiest place in the world, was so he could be outside in the daytime without exposing his family's secret. Yet here he was, strolling gracefully toward me-with the most beautiful smile on his angel's face-as if I were the only one here.**

"It did feel that way to me, until this beautiful little girl came into my life, and I fell in love with her too," said Edward smiling at the 2 of us. Renesmee got off my lap and went to Edward and gave him a big hug and kissed his cheek. We all oohed and aahed. She then sat on the floor between Edward's legs, put her hands in her lap, and looked up at me waiting for more of the story.

**In that second, I wished that I was not the one exception to his mysterious talent; I usually felt grateful that I as the only person whose thoughts he couldn't hear just as clearly as if they were spoken aloud.**

"Grrrrrr," said Edward. Apparently, he still wishes he could hear my thoughts. I smirked at him.

**But now I wished he could hear me, too so that he could hear just as clearly as if they were spoken aloud. But now I wished he could hear me, too, so that he could hear the warning I was screaming in my head. I shot a panicked glance back at Gran, and saw that it was too late. She was just turning to stare back at me, her eyes as alarmed as mine.**

"I could imagine her reaction," Edward said.

**Edward-still smiling so beautifully that my heart felt like it was going to swell up and burst through my chest-put his arm around my shoulder and turned to face my grandmother. Gran's expression surprised me. Instead of looking horrified, she was staring at me sheepishly, as if waiting for a scolding."**

"HUH?" Edward asked confused.

"Look, I had this dream about 2 years ago. You think I remember this??" I said.

**And she was standing in such a strange position-one arm held awkwardly away from her body, stretched out and then curled around the air. Like she had her arm around someone I couldn't see, someone invisible….**

All of a sudden, we heard the doorbell ring. Carlisle answered it, to find Seth at the door, grinning from ear to ear. "Hey what's up?" "I just saw Jacob's mind and saw that you guys are reading some book about Bella and Edward and everyone, so I had to come and see.

"IT IS NOT ABOUT BELLA AND EDWARD DANG IT!!!!!" Emmett shouted pounding the table with his fists.

Seth looked confused, and Carlisle laughed. "Jasper and Emmett have a bet going on. Emmett bet Jasper no sex for one week with the wife that this book is totally fictional. However, it would seem so far we think that Jasper will win." said Carlisle. Emmett scowled at Carlisle

Seth smiled, "I'm taking Jasper's side," he said, smirking at Emmett. "Dang it!"

**Only then, as I looked at the bigger picture, did I notice the huge gilt frame that enclosed my grandmother's form. Uncomprehending, I raised the hand that wasn't wrapped around Edward's waist and reached out to touch her. She mimicked the movement, mirrored it. But where our fingers should have met, there was nothing but cold glass….**

"Oh god, I remember this dream." I said. "It had freaked me out so much at the time because this is what I thought would become of me if Edward didn't change me." "What are you talking about Bells," asked Alice. "You'll see."

**With a dizzying jolt, my dream abruptly became a nightmare. There was no Gran. That was **_**me. **_**Me in a mirror. Me-ancient, creased and withered. Edward stood beside me, casting no reflection, excruciatingly lovely and forever seventeen. He pressed his icy, perfect lips against my wasted cheek. 'Happy Birthday,' he whispered.**

A WOAH came out of everyone's mouth in the room. "So this is why you wanted to be changed so badly?" Edward asked. "Yes." "Wow."

"Well," Edward said, "you don't have to worry about that anymore," and he walked over and game me a kiss on my cheek.

**I woke with a start-my eyelids popping open wide-and gasped. Dull gray light, the familiar light of an overcast morning took the place of the blinding sun in my dream. **_**Just a dream**_**, I told myself. **_**It was only a dream. **_**I took a deep breath, and then jumped again when my alarm went off. The little calendar in the corner of the clock's display informed me that today was September thirteenth.**

"Uh oh," I said looking around at my family. Everyone looked upset at what was coming up. I looked at Jasper, and for a person who can't cry because of being an empath and being a vampire, he looked like he would have if he could.

"Well, now I really hope that Emmett wins the bet," Jasper gasped, as Alice comforted hi.

**Only a dream, but prophetic enough in one way, at least. Today was my birthday. I was officially eighteen years old. I'd been dreading this day for months.**

"And now when I look at it, I had every right to dread it," I gasped, well I would have cried but again I can't. I'm a vampire.

**All through the perfect summer- the happiest summer I ever had, the happiest summer **_**anyone anywhere **_**had ever had, and the rainiest summer in the Olympic Peninsula-this bleak dreary date had lurked in ambush, waiting to spring.**

"Ironic isn't it?" Esme said. "Your perfect summer was in weather that you hated all summer and complained about all summer.

"Well, now I don't mind the rain at all." We laughed.

**And now that it had hit, it was even worse than I'd feared it would be. I could feel it-I was older. Every day I got older, but this was different worse quantifiable. I was eighteen. And Edward never would be. When I went to brush my teeth, I was almost surprised that the face in the mirror hadn't changed.**

"What did you expect to see? An old woman?" Emmett said laughing.

**I stared at myself, looking for some sign of impending wrinkles on my forehead, though, and I knew that if I could manage to relax, they would disappear. I couldn't. My eyebrows stayed lodged in a worried line over my anxious brown eyes. **_**It was just a dream**_**, I reminded myself again. Just a dream… but also my worst nightmare. I skipped breakfast, in a hurry to get out of the house as quickly as possible.**

"Well I don't think you have to worry about skipping breakfast anymore," smiled Jasper. "No doubt."

**I wasn't entirely able to avoid my dad, and so I had to spend a few minutes acting cheerful. I honestly tried to be excited about the gifts I'd asked him to get me, but every time I had to smile, it felt like I might start crying. I struggled to get a grip on myself as I drove to school. The vision-I would **_**not **_**think of it as me-was hard to get out of my head.**

"Well mommy, I guess you don't have to worry about it at all anymore."

**I couldn't feel anything but despair until I pulled into the familiar parking lot behind Forks High School and spotted Edward leaning motionlessly against his polished silver Volvo, like a marble tribute to some forgotten pagan god of beauty.**

"Wait a minute," smirked Jacob. "Emmett, if this is a 'so called fictional story,' then why would Edward be marble, drive a Volvo, and is a vampire???" Jasper smiled victoriously, and punched a fist in the air. "YEAH!!!!!" shouted Jasper.

Emmett went in his room to get his stuffed bear and "toys" for Jasper, while Rosalie glared at both at them. On the other hand, Alice was bouncing up and down over the fact that she could have sex this week. "K guys while Emmett finds the money and animal, I will continue.

**The dream had not done him justice. And he was waiting there for **_**me**_** just the same as every other day. Despair momentarily vanished; wonder took its place. Even after a year with him, I still couldn't believe that I deserved this degree of good fortune.**

"If only it lasted longer," I sulked. The Cullens once again looked down ashamed.

**His sister Alice was standing by his side.**

"Wait, where is Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett?" Seth asked. I had forgotten he didn't realize the age difference.

"Well, Alice and Edward were 'supposed to be' seniors, while the rest 'graduated' the year before." I said.

"I guess that makes sense. Can you imagine all the more gossip there would be if all of you were the same age and in the same family??" We laughed at the thought.

**Of course Edward and Alice weren't really related (in Forks the story was that all the Cullen siblings were adopted by Dr. Carlisle Cullen and his wife, Esme, both plainly too young to have teenage children), but their skin was precisely the same pale shade, their eyes had the same strange golden tint, with the same deep, bruise-like shadows beneath. Her face like his, was also startlingly beautiful. To someone in the know-someone like me-these similarities marked them for what they are.**

"Which is what?" asked Seth stupidly. We just stared at him. "JOKING JOKING!"

**The sight of Alice waiting there-her tawny eyes brilliant with excitement, and a small silver-wrapped square in her-hands made me frown. I'd told Alice I didn't want anything, **_**anything, **_**not gifts or even attention, for my birthday. Obviously, my wishes were being ignored.**

"Some people just are party pooper," Alice said sticking her tongue out at me. I stuck mine out back at her.

**I slammed the door of my '53 Chevy truck-a shower of rust specks fluttered down to the wet blacktop-and walked slowly toward where they waited.**

"The old truck!" Jacob and I exclaimed at the same time. We looked at each other and laughed.

"No worry about rust splattering the road now that you drive a beautiful NEW Ferrari." said Edward.

"Yeah but sometimes I still miss it. I went through a lot of it, including nearly dying." I responded.

**Alice skipped forward to meet me, her pixie face glowing under her spiky black hair. 'Happy birthday, Bella!' 'Shh!' I hissed,** **glancing around the lot to make sure no one had heard her. The last thing I wanted was some kind of celebration of the black event.**

"Don't you wish there was no presents?" asked Jacob without thinking about what he had just said. My family all took it in and looked very sad, especially Jasper and Edward, who couldn't even look at my face at the moment.

"I AM NOT GIVING UP POOKIE DAMNIT!" Emmett shouted, making all of us jump. We looked up to see Emmett squeezing a 3 foot tall teddy bear with all his might, as if he had a death grip on him. Jasper smiled, and next thing we knew Emmett relaxed and Jasper was able to take "pookie" out of his hands and his "toys".

"Stupid empath," groaned Emmett. We all laughed and relaxed.

K guys I know this isn't the end of the chapter or anywhere close, but I've been writing like crazy and this one part took eight pages to type. Plus, you guys have been begging for more, so I will update more as soon as I can. And once again. Thank you to all of you for the wonderful reviews, and for favoriting my story. You rock! (Plus I thought it would be a good moment to end it, with a calm before the storm and a little Emmett humor)


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters, although sometimes I wish I could own Edward. This great honor belongs to the amazing, wonderful Stephanie Meyer**

Chapter Four *The party part two*

"K guys, now that we've all calmed down, let's get back to this book." I said.

'**Do you want to open your presents now or later?' she asked eagerly as we made our way to where Edward still waited. 'No presents,' I protested in a mumble. She finally seemed to process my mood. 'Okay… later then. Did you like the scrapbook your mom sent you? And the camera from Charlie?'**

"Nice way to ruin the so-called surprise, Alice," Jake said laughing. Alice just glared at him. "Wow, people like to glare at me a lot today, don't they?" smirked Jake.

**Of course she would know what my birthday presents were. Edward wasn't the only member of his family with unusual skills.**

"But now we're not the only ones," Edward smiled, looking at both myself and Renesmee. Renesmee smiled back, showing her beautiful pearly white teeth.

**Alice would have 'seen' what my parents were planning as soon as they'd decided that themselves. 'Yeah. They're great.' '**_**I think it's a nice **_**idea. You're only a senior once.'**

"Not when you belong to your family," I replied to Alice's comment from the book.

**Might as well document the experience. 'How many times have **_**you **_**been a senior?'**

"SEE???"

'**That's different'**

"Not anymore," said Alice smiling at me.

**We reached Edward then, and he held out his hand for mine. I took it eagerly, forgetting for a moment, my glum mood. His skin, was, as always, smooth, hard, and very cold. He gave my fingers a gentle squeeze. I looked into his liquid topaz eyes, and my heart gave a not-quite-so-gentle squeeze of its own. Hearing the stutter in my heartbeats, he smiled again.**

"I miss that heartbeat sometimes." Edward said. "It's what used to make me want to get up to go to school and endure it again and again, just so I could hear it, and see you."

**He lifted his free hand and traced one cool fingertip around the outside of my lips as he spoke. 'So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?'**

"Happy birthday Bella," smirked Edward. I let a growl escape from my throat.

'**Yes. That is correct.' I could never quite mimic the flow of his perfect, formal articulation. It was something that could only be picked up in an earlier century. 'Just checking.' he ran his hand through his tousled bronze hair. 'You **_**might**_** have changed your mind. Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts.'**

"'Most' being the key word there _Bella_," Edward teased. I stuck my tongue out at him and folded my arms in protest.

**Alice laughed, and the sound was all silver, a wind chime. 'Of course you'll enjoy it. Everyone is supposed to nice to you today and give you your way, Bella. What's the worst that could happen?" She meant it as a rhetorical question.**

"HAH!" said Jasper desperately. "I don't know. How about hurt Bella, leave her, and let her meet a werewolf."

'**Getting older,' I answered anyway, and my voice was not as steady as I wanted it to be. Beside me, Edward's smile tightened into a hard line. 'Eighteen isn't very old,' Alice said. 'Don't women usually wait till they're twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?'**

"NO!" Rosalie and I shouted at the same time. We looked back at each other and laughed.

'**It's older than Edward, I mumbled. He sighed. 'Technically,' she said, keeping her tone light. 'Just by one little year, though.' And I supposed if I could be **_**sure**_** of the future I wanted, sure that I would spend forever with Edward, and Alice and the rest of the Cullens (preferably not as a wrinkled old lady)…**

"Yeah but you would have been my little wrinkly old lady," Edward said smirking at me. I growled at him.

**But Edward was dead set against any future that changed me. Any future that made me like him-that made me immortal, too. An impasse, he called it. I couldn't really see Edward's point, to be honest. What was so great about mortality? Being a vampire didn't look like such a terrible thing-not the way Cullens did it, anyway.**

"Really? Because, we have to deal with the smell of the humans without eating them, not sleep, suffer while watching others die, and we can't do anything about it," Edward pointed out. No one replied, we just sat quiet for a few seconds before I started reading again.

'**What time will you be at the house?' Alice continued, changing the subject. From her expression, she was up to exactly the kind of thing I'd been hoping to avoid. **

"Party! Party!" Renesmee exclaimed excitedly. We all laughed.

'**I didn't know I had plans to be there.' 'Oh be fair, Bella!' she complained. 'You aren't going to ruin all our fun like that, are you?' I thought my birthday was about what **_**I **_**want.'**

"Not when you're dealing with the Cullens," smiled Alice.

'**I'll get her from Charlie's right after school,' Edward told her ignoring me altogether.'**

"Things haven't changed much have they?" asked Seth laughing. I scowled at him.

'**I have to work,' I protested. 'You don't actually,' Alice told me smugly. 'I already spoke to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading your shifts. She said to tell you "Happy birthday."'**

"Again, you're dealing with me. What'd you expect?" Alice said smiling.

'**I-I still can't come over,' I stammered, scrambling for an excuse.**

"Good ol' Bella, you never will change will you?" Jacob said.

"Sad part is, she still comes up with excuses when she's not getting things her way," laughed Emmett. I just glared at them.

'**I, well, I haven't watched **_**Romeo and Juliet**_** yet for English.'**

Edward laughed his ass off. "Like you really needed to watch it again. It's only one of your favorite plays."

**Alice snorted. 'You have **_**Romeo and Juliet memorized.**_

"SEE????" Edward pointed out.

'**But Mr. Berty said we needed to see it performed to fully appreciate it- that's how Shakespeare intended it to be presented.' Edward rolled his eyes. 'You've already seen the movie,' Alice accused. 'But not the nineteen-sixties version. Mr. Berty said it was the best."**

Everyone in the living room was rolling on the floor laughing over this ridiculous excuse I had apparently come up with. I must admit, it does sound pretty ridiculous now that I look at it.

**Finally, Alice lost the smug smile and glared at me. 'This can be easy, or this can be hard, Bella, but one way or the other-'**

They just kept laughing. "Like you're going to get away from Alice and escape," Edward said between laughs. "Remember, she's psychic!"

**Edward interrupted her threat. "Relax, Alice. If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her birthday.' 'So there,' I added. 'I'll bring her over around seven,' he continued. 'That will give you more time to set up."**

I scowled at Edward, just the same way I was probably doing at this time in the book.

**Alice's laughter chimed again. 'Sounds good. See you tonight, Bella!' It'll be fun, you'll see." She grinned-the wide smile exposed her perfect glistening teeth-then pecked me on the cheek and danced off toward her first class before I could respond.**

"Auntie Alice," Renesmee said. "I'll skip around with you." Alice smiled, and picked her up and swung her around. Renesmee squealed in excitement.

'**Edward, please-I started to beg, but he pressed one cool finger to my lips. 'Let's discuss it later. We're going to be late for class.' No one bothered to stare at us as we took our usual seats in the back of the classroom (we had almost every class together now-it was amazing the favors could get the female administrators to do for him).**

Edward smiled evilly at this thought.

**Edward and I had been together too long to be an object of gossip anymore. Even Mike Newton didn't bother to give me the glum stare that he used to make me feel a little guilty.**

"You felt guilty about treating Mike that way?" asked Edward. I thought you didn't like him that way. I thought you guys have always just been friends.

**He smiled now instead, and I was glad he seemed to have accepted that we could only be friends.**

"Oh." If he wasn't a vampire, he would definitely be blushing right now.

**Mike had changed over the summer-his face had lost some of the roundness, making his cheekbones more prominent, and he was wearing his pale blond hair a new way; instead of bristly, it was longer and gelled into a carefully casual disarray. It was easy to see where his inspiration came from-but Edward's look wasn't something that could be achieved through imitation.**

"Often tried, but never perfected," Edward said grinning his perfect smile.

**As the day progressed, I considered ways to get out of whatever was going down at the Cullen house tonight.**

Sometimes I really do wish I could have gotten out of it, I thought to myself. I didn't want to say it out loud because I knew it would just upset everyone. However, as I looked around, it looked like everyone was thinking similar things.

**It would be bad enough to have to celebrate when I was in the mood to mourn. But, worse than that, this was sure to involve attention and gifts. Attention is never a good thing, as any other accident-prone klutz would agree.**

"That's an understatement," said Jasper glumly.

**No one wants a spotlight when they're likely to fall on their face. And I'd very pointedly asked-well ordered really-that no one give me any presents this year. It looked like Charlie and Renee weren't the only ones who had decided to overlook that.**

The whole coven started whistling innocently, while Jake and Seth snickered. I ignored them all.

**I'd never had much money, and that never bothered me. Renee had raised me on a kindergarten teacher's salary. Charlie wasn't getting rich at his job either-he was the police chief here in the tiny town of Forks.**

"Bella, you were always family to us. And we spoil all our kids and grandkids." Esme said to me smiling.

**My only personal income came from the three days a week I worked at the sporting goods store. In a town this small, I was lucky to have a job. **

"Especially with the economy being the way it is," pointed out Carlisle.

**Every penny I made went into my microscopic college fund. (College was Plan B. I was still hoping for Plan A, but Edward was just so stubborn about leaving me human…)**

"Well now that plan A happened, maybe this fall we can enroll in college."

**Edward had a **_**lot **_**of money-I didn't even want to think about how much. Money meant next to nothing to Edward or the rest of the Cullens.**

"It's not about the money, as long as you have a great family and lots of support." said Esme, smiling at me.

"Yeah, but it doesn't hurt either," Alice said, thinking about shopping.

**It was just something that accumulated when you had unlimited time on your hands and a sister who had an uncanny ability to predict trends in the stock market**

"I guess it might help just a _little_," teased Alice. We laughed.

**Edward didn't seem to understand why I objected to him spending money on me-why it made me uncomfortable if he took me to an expensive restaurant in Seattle, why he wasn't allowed to buy me a car that could reach speeds over fifty-five miles an hour,..**

"Well, you don't have to worry about that now do you?" asked Edward.

I started thinking back to all the memories with the old truck.

"Nothing beat the bikes though," Jake said. I agreed with him. "Even your Ferrari isn't the same.

**Or why I wouldn't let him pay my college tuition (he was ridiculously enthusiastic about Plan B). Edward thought I was being unnecessarily difficult. But how could I let him give me things when I had nothing to reciprocate with? He, for some unfathomable reason, wanted to be with me. Anything he gave me on top of that just threw us more out of balance. As the day went on, neither Edward nor Alice brought my birthday up again, and I began to relax again.**

"Thank you, by the way," I said sincerely.

**We sat at our usual table for lunch. A strange kind of truce existed at that table. The three of us-Edward, Alice, and I-sat on the extreme southern end of the table. Now that the *older* and somewhat scarier (in Emmett's case, certainly) Cullen siblings had graduated, Alice and Edward did not seem quite so intimidating.**

Emmett burst out laughing at the thought that he was "scary". We giggled also, since the truth was, he was just a big, cuddly teddy bear.

**And we did not sit here alone. My other friends, Mike and Jessica (who were in the awkward post-breakup friendship phase), Angela and Ben (whose relationship had survived the summer),**

"Aren't they getting married soon?" asked Alice curiously.

"Yeah, we all got invited. It's next summer after they graduate." I replied.

**Eric, Conner, Tyler, and Lauren (though that last one didn't really count in the friend category) all sat at the same table, on the other side of an invisible line. That line dissolved on sunny days when Edward and Alice always skipped school, and then the conversation would swell out effortlessly to include me.**

"Figures," said Edward. "Not that it matters. I never liked them much either."

**Edward and Alice didn't find this minor ostracism odd or hurtful the way I would have. They barely noticed it. People always felt strangely ill at ease with the Cullens, almost afraid for some reaon they couldn't explain to themselves.**

"Hmm, I wonder what that reason might be." laughed Jasper.

**I was a rare exception to that rule. Sometimes it bothered Edward how very comfortable I was with being close to him. He thought he was hazardous to my health- an opinion I rejected vehemently whenever he voiced it.**

"That's an understatement." said Edward.

"Yeah well, now you can't do anything about it," I said smirking at him.

**The afternoon passed quickly. School ended, and Edward walked me to my truck as he usually did. But this time, he held the passenger door open for me. Alice must have been taking his car home so that he could keep me from making a run for it.**

Alice glanced over at me and smirked. GRRRR

**I folded my arms and made no move to get out of the rain. 'It's my birthday, don't I get to drive?'**

"No," said Edward laughing. "Now, why would I let you do that?"

'**I'm pretending it's not your birthday, just as you wished.' 'If it's not my birthday, then I don't have to go to your house tonight…' 'All right.' He shut the passenger door and walked past me to open the driver's side. 'Happy Birthday.'**

Emmett burst out laughing, walked over to his brother, and gave him a high five. "Nice one bro!"

'**Shh,' I shushed him halfheartedly. I climbed in the opened door, wishing he'd taken the other offer. Edward played with the radio while I drove, shaking his head in disapproval. 'Your radio has horrible reception.'**

"Don't have to worry about that in your Ferrari either," Edward smirked.

**I frowned. I didn't like it when he picked on my truck. The truck was great-it had personality.**

"Agreed!" said Jacob. He then tried to mock Emmett and Edward, coming up to me, and giving me a high five in agreement. I laughed, while the two brothers scowled at us.

'**You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car.' I was so nervous about Alice's plans, on top of my already gloomy mood, that the words came out sharper than I'd meant them. I was hardly ever bad-tempered with Edward, and my tone made him press his lips together to keep from smiling. When I parked in front of Charlie's house, he reached over to take my face in his hands.**

Jake covered Renesmee's eyes and ears jokingly. 'Hey!'

**He handled me very carefully, pressing just the tips of my fingers softly against my temples, my cheekbones, my jawline. Like I was especially breakable.**

"Which, remind you, you were at the time," Edward reminded me.

"Well, you know I didn't care either way," I replied.

**Which exactly was the case-compared to him, at least**

"SEE??" Edward and I said at the same time. Everyone else just stayed quiet, not wanting to get involved.

'**You should be in a good mood, today of all days,' he whispered. His sweet breath fanned across my face. 'And if I don't want to be in a good mood?' I asked, my breath uneven. His golden eyes smoldered. 'Too bad.' My head was already spinning by the time he leaned closer and pressed his icy lips against mine. As he intended, no doubt, I forgot all about my worries, and concentrated on remembering how to inhale and exhale.**

"Hey, is Renesmee's ears still covered?" Edward asked Jake. "YES!"

"Guys relax," said Esme. "She's probably too young to be grossed out or anything by this."

"Precaution is a good thing," Edward answered back.

**His mouth lingered on mine, cold and smooth and gentle, until I wrapped my arms around his neck and threw myself into a kiss with a little too much enthusiasm. I could feel his lips curve upward as he let go of my face and reached back to unlock my grip on him.**

"Coast clear guys," I said to Edward and Jake. "No more mushy gushy for a while."

Jake pulled his fingers out of Renesmee's ears, who looked very confused.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Don't worry, we will tell you about it when you're older.

**Edward had drawn many careful lines for our physical relationship, with the intent being to keep me alive. Though I respected the need for maintaining a safe distance between my skin and his razor-sharp, venom-coated teeth, I tended to forget about trivial things like that when he was kissing me.**

"Which led to our dear beautiful daughter, remind you," I said smiling at Edward. This time, it was his turn to growl at me, but I knew he was teasing, as he loved Nessie as much as I do.

'**Be good, please,' he breathed against my cheek. He pressed his lips gently to mine one more time and then pulled away, folding my arms against my stomach. My pulse was thudding in my ears. I put one hand over my heart. It drummed hyperactively under my palm. 'Do you think I'll ever get better at this?' I wondered, mostly to myself.**

"Yes," said Edward. "Especially since you don't exactly have to worry about it now, do you?"

'**That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you tough me?' 'I really hope not, he said a bit smug. I rolled my eyes. 'Let's go watch the Capulets and Montagues back each other up, all right?' 'Your wish, my command.'**

"Kinda reminds me of us and you guys," said Seth. "We hate each other at the beginning, but in the end, love conquers all."

**Edward sprawled across the couch while I started the movie, fast-forwarding through the opening credits. When I perched on the edge of the sofa in front of him, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me against his chest. It wasn't exactly as comfortable as a sofa cushion would be, what with his chest being hard and cold-and perfect-as an ice sculpture.**

"That's where I come in, said Jacob reminiscing. "Remember the "camping" trip, where Bella nearly froze? Who was there to save that?"

Edward thought I didn't notice, but I saw him mouth the words "thank you" to Jacob. I smiled.

**But it was definitely preferable. He pulled the old afghan off the back of the couch and draped it over me so I wouldn't freeze beside his body. 'You know, I've never had much patience with Romeo,' he commented as the movie started.**

"Still don't," Edward muttered under his breath.

'**What's wrong with Romeo?' I asked, a little offended, Romeo was one of my favorite fictional characters. Until I'd met Edward, I'd sort of had a thing for him.**

"WHAT?????" Edward exclaimed. We all laughed.

'**Well, first of all, he's in love with this Rosaline-don't you think it makes him seem a little fickle? And then a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant. Mistake after mistake. Cold he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?'**

"Starting to sound way too familiar," Edward uttered.

"Yeah, but look at us now," I responded.

"But look at what he had to go through to get there, including going Romeo and Juliet style in Volterra." I shut up for a few seconds, and then decided to read some more to break the uncomfortable silence.

**I sighed. 'Do you want me to watch this alone?' 'No, I'll mostly be watching you, anyway.'**

"Awwwww," Emmett mocked jokingly

**His fingers traced patterns across the skin of my arm, raising goose bumps. 'Will you cry?'**

"Probably," I responded to the question in the book

'**Probably,' I admitted, 'if I'm paying attention.' 'I won't distract you then.' But I felt his lips on my hair, and it was very distracting. The movie eventually captured my interest, thanks in large part to Edward whispering Romeo's lines in my ears-**

"I still hear him doing that in the bedroom sometimes," teased Jasper.

"Then maybe you should stay out of the cottage more often."

**His irresistible velvet voice made the actor's voice sound weak and coarse by comparison. And I did cry, to his amusement, when Juliet woke and found her new husband dead.**

"Déjà vu," Edward and I darkly said at the same time. We looked at each other and frowned.

'**I'll admit, I do sort of envy him here,' Edward said drying the tears with a lock of my hair. 'She's very pretty.' **

I saw Jacob deep in thought, so I dropped my shield to use Edward's ability of mind reading. 'Figures, she worries about how pretty Juliet is, not about Edward, I mean Romeo's death." I let go of the shield and just glared at him.

**He made a disgusted sound. 'I don't envy him the **_**girl**_**-just the ease of the suicide,' he clarified in a teasing tone. 'You humans have it so easy! All you have to do is throw down one tiny vial of plant extracts…' 'What?' I gasped. 'It's something I had to think about once, and I knew from Carlisle's experience that it wouldn't be simple. I'm not even sure how many ways Carlisle tried to kill himself in the beginning…after he realized that he'd become…'**

We all went silent for a few seconds, while Edward looked at Carlisle with apologetic eyes. It was hard to see Carlisle's darker side, when we were so used to seeing him as an amazing doctor, friend, and father figure.

**His voice, which had grown serious, turned light again. 'And he's clearly still in excellent health.' I twisted around so that I could read his face. 'What are you talking about?' I demanded. 'What do you mean, this is something you had to think about once?' 'Last spring, when you were…nearly killed.' He paused to take a deep breath, struggling to return to his teasing tone. 'Of course I was trying to focus n finding you alive, but part of my mind was making contingency plans. Like I said, it's not as easy for me as it is for a human.'**

"Boy am I glad daddy didn't choose the wrong road," said Renesmee, looking up at me with thankful eyes.

"Me too, hon, me too," I said, meaning it for both of them.

**For one second, the memory of my last trip to Phoenix washed through my head and made me feel dizzy. I could see it all so clearly-the blinding sun, the heat waves coming off the concrete as I ran with desperate haste to find the sadistic vampire who wanted to torture me to death.**

"That's the one who we killed in the forest, right?" asked Jake.

"No, this was a different one. Probably just keep reading. It will probably explain it.

**James, **

"Oh, that's the one that was Victoria's mate right?" "Yes."

**waiting in the mirrored room with my mother as his hostage-or so I'd thought. I hadn't known it was all a ruse. Just as James hadn't known that Edward was racing to save me.**

"My savior," I said smiling at him. He wrapped his arms tightly around me and kissed me on the forehead.

**Edward had made it in time, but it had been a close one. Unthinkingly, my fingers traced the crescent-shaped scar on my hand that was always just a few degrees cooler than the rest of my skin. I shook my head-as if I could shake away the bad memories-and tried to grasp what Edward meant. My stomach plunged uncomfortably. 'Contingency plans?' I repeated. 'Well I wasn't going to live without you.' he rolled his eyes as if that fact were childishly obvious.**

"Awwwww," Esme said. "That's so sweet."

"Yeah, but on the other hand, would you like to have seen one of your sons die?" I retorted back. Esme thought for a minute, and then agreed.

'**But I wasn't sure how to **_**do**_** it-I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help…**

"Agreed," they said at the same time.

**So I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi.'**

"Too late," Edward muttered quietly. No one responded, and it got quiet for a long 5 seconds. I started reading to break the uncomfortable silence.

**I didn't want to believe he was serious, but his golden eyes were brooding, focused on something far away in the distance as he contemplated ways to end his own life. Abruptly, I was furious.**

"Yeah, but now that you look at it, do you blame me?" questioned Edward. I remained quiet, thanking G-d that he couldn't hear my thoughts, because I didn't even have an answer for that.

'**What is a **_**Volturi**_**?' I demanded. 'The Volturi are a family,' he explained, his eyes still remote. 'A very old, very powerful family of our kind. They are the closest thing our world has to a royal family.'**

"That's an understatement," said Jasper laughing.

'**Carlisle lived with them briefly in his early years, in Italy, before he settled in America**

"They really helped me through those early years too. It was because of them, that I decided to become a "vegetarian." It was very painful to watch them bring in groups of tourists every other week, and get eaten. I decided at that point that I couldn't let that happen if I met humans." Wow

'**Do you remember the story?' 'Of course I remember.' I would never forget the first time I'd gone to his home, the huge white mansion buried deep in the forest beside the river, or the room where Carlisle-Edward's father in so many real ways-kept a wall of paintings that illustrated his personal history. The most vivid, most wildly colorful canvas there, the largest, was from Carlisle's time in Italy. I remembered the calm quartet of men, each with the exquisite face of a seraph,**

"I think I might remember the Volturi just a little," I said teasing. "Aren't they the ones who wanted me dead, join them, then don't join them, then want to kill me again, then let us live happily ever after?" We all laughed.

**Painted into the highest balcony overlooking the swirling mayhem of color. Though the painting was centuries old, Carlisle-the blond angel-remained unchanged. And I remembered the three others, Carlisle's early acquaintances. Edward had never used the name **_**Volturi **_**for the beautiful trio, two black-haired, one snow white.**

"For good reason. It's out of respect," Carlisle pointed out.

**He'd called them Aro, Caius, and Marcus, nighttime patrons of the arts… 'Anyway you don't irritate the Volturi,' Edward went on interrupting my reverie.**

"That's an understatement," Alice reminded Edward, glaring at him. He stared at the floor.

'**Not unless you want to die-or whatever it is we do.' His voice was so calm, it made him sound almost bored by the prospect. My anger turned to horror. I took his marble face between my hands and held it very tightly. 'You must never, never, never think of anything like that again!' I said. 'No matter what might ever happen to me, you are not **_**allowed **_**to hurt yourself!'**

"Too late for that," Edward muttered to himself, although we all heard it.

'**I'll never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point.'**

Too late for that too, I thought to myself frowning.

'_**Put **_**me in danger! I thought we'd established that all the bad luck is my fault?' I was getting angrier. 'How dare you even think like that?' The idea of Edward ceasing to exist, even if I was dead, was impossibly painful.**

At this point I stopped, because I looked around and saw how upset everyone was getting. We took a break for a few minutes before I began again.

'**What would you do, if the situation was reversed?' he asked. 'That's not the same thing.' He didn't seem to understand the difference. He chuckled. 'What if something did happen to you?' I blanched at the thought. 'Would you want me to go **_**off**_** myself?' A trace of pain touched his perfect features. 'I guess I see your point… a little,' he admitted. 'Bt what would I do without you?'**

"AWWWWW!" Came from just about everyone in the room. "True love is beautiful," said Seth.

'**Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence.' He sighed. 'You make that sound so easy.'**

"Seriously little sis. After we left, he was a MESS! He is nothing without you. Like my self to Rose and Jazz to Alice." Emmett commented. It went very silent for a few seconds.

'**It should be. I'm not really that interesting.' He was about to argue, but then he let it go. 'Moot point,' he reminded me. Abruptly, he pulled himself into a more formal posture, shifting me to the side so that we were no longer touched. 'Charlie?' I guessed. Edward smiled.**

"That's how I raised him. Nice job, son, nice and respectful." Carlisle commented. Edward smiled at him.

**After a moment, I heard the sound of the police cruiser pulling into the driveway. I reached out and took this hand firmly. My dad could deal with that much.**

"Nice one sis!" Emmett said giving me a high five.

**C****harlie came in with a pizza box in his hands. 'Hey kids.' He grinned at me. 'I thought you'd like a break from cooking and washing dishes for your birthday. Hungry?' 'Sure thanks, Dad.' Charlie didn't comment on Edward's apparent lack of appetite. He was sued to Edward passing on dinner.**

"Yeah as long as my dinner isn't Bella, he's fine." He said. We laughed.

'**Do you mind if I borrow Bella for the evening?' Edward asked when Charlie and I were done.**

"Oh how I wish you never asked that," I commented quietly. No one responded.

**I looked at Charlie hopefully. Maybe he had some concept of my birthdays as stay-at-home, family affairs-this was my first birthday with him, the first birthday since my mom, Renee, had remarried and gone to live in Florida,**

"And last official one ever," Alice commented smiling at me.

**So I didn't know what he would expect. 'That's fine-the Mariners are playing the Sox tonight,' Charlie explained, and my hope disappeared. So I won't be any kind of company…Here.' He scooped he'd gotten me on Renee's suggestion (because I would need pictures to fill up my scrapbook), and threw it to me.**

"Ah, the camera, my last memories before the horrible incident," I said darkly. No one answered.

**He ought to know better than that-I'd always been coordinationally challenged. The camera glanced off the tip of my finger, and tumbled toward the floor. Edward snagged it before it could crash onto the linoleum.**

"That is definitely something I don't miss from my human life," I said laughing. That definitely lightened the mood in the room, and everyone was now smiling.

'**Nice save,' Charlie noted. 'If they're doing something fun at the Cullens' tonight, Bella, you should take some pictures. You know how your mother gets-she'll be wanting to see the pictures faster than you can take them.**

"That's an understatement," I said laughing.

'**Good idea, Charlie,' Edward said, handing me the camera. I turned the camera on Edward, and snapped the picture. 'It works.' 'That's good. Hey, say hi to Alice for me. She hasn't been over in a while.' Charlie's mouth pulled down at one corner. 'It's been three days, Dad,' I reminded him.**

Alice laughed. "Good ol' Charlie. He'll never change, will he?" She said laughing.

**Charlie was crazy about Alice. He'd become attached last spring when she'd helped me through my awkward convalescence; Charlie would be forever grateful to her for saving him from the horror of an almost-adult daughter who needed help showering.**

All the guys in the room started laughing, thinking of this ridiculous idea. We all just scowled at them, and they shut up.

'**I'll tell her.' 'Okay. You kids have fun tonight. It was clearly a dismissal. Charlie was already edging toward the living room and the TV. Edward smiled, triumphant, took my hand to pull me from the kitchen.**

I growled at him. He just looked at me and laughed.

**When we got to the truck, he opened the passenger door for me again, and this time I didn't argue. I still had a hard time finding the obscure turnoff to his house in the dark. Edward drove north through Forks, visibly chafing at the speed limit enforced by my prehistoric Chevy.**

"How many times do I have to remind you that this is why I bought you a Ferrari!!!!" Edward said, laughing. I moaned.

'**Take it easy,' I warned him. 'You know what you would love? A nice little Audi coupe. Very quiet, lots of power…' 'There's nothing wrong with my truck. And speaking of expensive nonessentials, if you know what's good for you, you didn't spend any money on birthday presents.'**

"Well, technically, 'I' didn't spend a cent. It was Alice's money."

'**Not a dime,' he said virtuously. 'Good.' 'Can you do me a favor?' 'That depends on what it is.' He sighed, his lovely face serious. 'Bella, the last real birthday any of us had was Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all very excited'**

"Yeah we're excited for the moment," Jasper muttered.

**It always startled me a little when he brought up things like that. 'Fine, I'll behave.' 'I probably should warn you…' 'Please do.' 'When I say they're all excited… I do mean **_**all **_**of them.**

"It's true," pointed out Rosalie. "_I _was even excited. You know I love parties as much as Alice. I just don't show it as easily."

'**Everyone?' I choked. I thought Emmett and Rosalie were in Africa. The rest of Forks was under the impression that the older Cullens had gone off to college this year, to Dartmouth, but I knew better.**

"One of these years, we will get there," said Carlisle. "I think it's about time to go."

"Carlisle, don't you think we should wait till Nessie is at full growth, so there's no confusion, and people would think she's just a younger sister?" I replied. "Good point."

'**Emmett wanted to be here.' 'But…Rosalie?'**

"Thanks, little sis," Rosalie teased.

"Hey, remember, at that time I didn't understand why you 'hated' me.

"In the words of Carlisle, good point," Rose laughed.

'**I know, Bella. Don't worry, she'll be on her best behavior.' I didn't answer. Unlike Alice, Edward's other *adopted* sister, the golden blond and exquisite Rosalie, didn't like me much. Actually, the feeling was a little bit stronger than just dislike.**

"Don't worry Rose, I feel much different now. Especially since you helped me with my pregnancy with Nessie." Rosalie smiled.

"Thank you aunt Rosie!" Renesmee cheered. Jacob growled, reminding us how alone he felt. Nessie saw this and ran to give him a big hug. Edward started muttering curses under his breath. "Edward," I said, "be nice."

**As far as Rosalie was concerned, I was an unwelcome intruder into her family's secret life. I felt horribly guilty about the present situation, guessing that Rosalie and Emmett's prolonged absence was my fault, even as I furtively enjoyed not having to see her.**

"Hmmph!" Rose said teasing. I smiled at her reassuringly.

**Emmett, Edward's playful bear of a brother, I **_**did**_** miss. He was in many just like the big brother I'd always wanted**

"Aw, thanks little sis," he said smiling. He came over and gave me a giant bear hug.

**Only much, much more terrifying.**

"HEY!" Emmett exclaimed. "Now I'm offended!" We all laughed.

**Edward decided to change the subject. 'So if you won't let me get you the Audi, isn't there anything that you'd like for your birthday?' The words came out in a whisper. 'You know what I want.'**

"Hm, I wonder what that might be," Jacob said darkly staring at the two of us.

**A dark frown carved creases into his marble forehead. He obviously wished he'd stuck to the subject of Rosalie. It felt like we'd had this argument a lot today. 'Not tonight, Bella. Please.'**

"Too bad it was almost too late for that comment," Jasper uttered quietly. Silence filled the room for a few seconds. Wow this was starting to get awkward. But on the other hand, they will get to see what I had to deal with at this point, and forward.

'**Well, maybe Alice will give me what I want.**

"I probably would have," Alice said laughing. "You were and always be a sister and best friend to me. I would do anything for you." Edward let out a growl.

**Edward growled-**

"Hm, sounds familiar," I said joking.

**A deep, menacing sound. 'This isn't going to be your last birthday, Bella,' he vowed. 'That's not fair!' I thought I heard his teeth clench together. We were pulling up to the house now.**

"Here we go," uttered Jasper slowly. I read again, figuring we have got to get through this at some point.

**Bright light shined from every window on the first two floors. A long line of glowing Japanese lanterns hung from the porch eaves, reflecting a soft radiance on the huge cedars that surrounded the house. Big bowls of flowers-pink-roses-lined the wide stairs up to the front doors.**

"Déjà vu," Jake said, remembering the wedding. "Let me guess, Alice." Alice smiled a huge grin.

**I moaned. Edward took a few deep breaths to calm himself. 'This is a party, he reminded me. 'Try to be a good sport.' 'Sure,' I muttered. He came around to get my door, and offered me his hand. 'I have a question.' He waited warily. 'If I develop this film,' I said, toying with the camera in my hands, 'will you show up in the pictures?'**

MYTH! Shouted every one of the Cullens. We laughed

**Edward started laughing. He helped me out of the car, pulled me up the stairs, and was still laughing as he opened the door for me. They were all waiting in the huge white living room, they greeted me with a loud chorus of 'Happy Birthday, Bella!' while I blushed and looked down.**

"Hey bro, do you remember how easily our little Bells used to blush?" Emmett commented. I swear, I would have blushed now if I was able to.

**Alice, I assumed, had covered every flat surface with pink candles and dozens of crystal bowls filled with hundreds of roses. There was a table with a white cloth draped over it next to Edward's grand piano, holding a pink birthday cake, more roses, a stack of glass plates, and a small pile of silver-wrapped presents. It was a hundred times worse than I'd imagined. Edward, sensing my distress, wrapped an encouraging arm around my waist and kissed the top of my head. **

"No offense, but can I go in the other room until the end of the chapter?" Jasper begged. Carlisle nodded immediately, and Jasper left. Alice followed to support him.

**Edward's parents, Carlisle and Esme-impossibly youthful and lovely as ever-were the closest to the door. Esme hugged me carefully, her soft, caramel-colored hair brushing against my cheek as she kissed my forehead, and then Carlisle put his arm around my shoulders. 'Sorry about this, Bella,' he stage-whispered. 'We couldn't rein Alice in.'**

"I HEARD THAT," Alice shouted from the other room. We all laughed.

**Rosalie and Emmett stood behind them. Rosalie didn't smile, but at least she didn't glare. Emmett's face was stretched into a huge grin.**

"Good old Emmett," Esme said, smiling. "You always know how to light up a room." We all laughed a lot. It definitely helped us relax during the calm before the storm.

**It had been months since I'd seen them; I'd forgotten how gloriously beautiful Rosalie was-it almost hurt to look at her. And had Emmett always been so…**_**big?**_

Now Emmett was rolling on the floor laughing his ass off!! Nessie was laughing at this, which got all of us laughing harder. "BATHROOM BREAK!!!" I shouted. After we all went to the bathroom so we didn't pee our pants, I started reading again.

'**You haven't changed at all,' Emmett said with mock disappointment. 'I expected a perceptible difference, but here you are, red-face just like always.' 'Thanks a lot Emmett,' I said, blushing deeper. He laughed, 'I have to step out for a second'-he paused to wink conspicuously at Alice-'Don't do anything funny while I'm gone.' 'I'll try.'**

"Too late for that," I said jokingly.

**Alice let go of Jasper's hand and skipped forward, all her teeth sparkling in the bright light. Jasper smiled, too, but kept his distance. He leaned, long and blond, against the post at the foot of the stairs. During the days we'd had to spend cooped up together in Phoenix, I'd thought he'd gotten over his aversion to me. But he'd gone back to exactly how he'd acted before-avoiding me as much as possible-**

"For good reason!" shouted Jasper from the other room. It was clear he was still listening, but was embarrassed by the moment coming up.

**The moment he was free from that temporary obligation to protect me. I knw it wasn't personal, just a precaution, and I tried not to be overly sensitive about it. Jasper had more trouble sticking to the Cullens' diet than the rest of them; The scent of human blood was much harder for him to resist than the others-he hadn't been trying as long.**

"Yes but his experiences with newborns and human blood-suckers helped out a lot during the battle with Victoria," Carlisle pointed out. Seth agreed eagerly, remembering what it was like for his first big battle as a werewolf.

'**Time to open presents,' Alice declared. She put her cool hand under my elbow and towed me to the table with the cake and the shiny packages.**

"OOOh, shiny," Emmett said. ""Can I poke them?" We all laughed.

**I put on my best martyr face. 'Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything-' 'But I didn't listen,' she interrupted, smug.**

"And she still doesn't listen!" I exclaimed. You could hear her laughing in the other room.

'**Open it.' She took the camera from my hands and replaced it with a big, square silver box. The box was so light that it felt empty. The tag on top said it was from Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper. Self-consciously I tore the paper off and then stared at the box it concealed. It was something electrical, with lots of numbers in the name. I opened the box, hoping for further illumination. But the box **_**was**_** empty.**

"Well I guess you got what you wished for," Seth commented.

"Not quite," I said, "just watch."

"**Um…thanks.' Rosalie actually cracked a smile. Jasper laughed, 'It's a stereo for your truck,' he explained. 'Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it.' Alice was always one step ahead of me.**

"And don't you forget that!" Alice shouted from the other room.

'**Thanks Jasper, Rosalie.' I told them grinning, as I remembered Edward's complaints about my radio this afternoon-all a setup apparently. 'Thanks Emmett!' I called more loudly. I heard his booming laugh from my truck, and I couldn't help laughing, too. 'Open mine and Edward's next, Alice said, so excited her voice was a high-pitched trill. She held a small flat square in her hand.**

I went silent for few seconds while everyone tried to calm down, because we knew what was coming up.

**I turned to Edward with a basilisk stare. 'You promised.' Before he could answer, Emmett bounded through the door. 'Just in time!' he crowded. He pushed in behind Jasper, who had also drifted closer than usual to get a closer look.**

Jasper muttered something under his breath from the other room. It sounded like 'yeah just in time for me to hurt her.' No one responded.

'**I didn't spend a dime,' Edward assured me. He brushed a strand of hair from my face, leaving my skin tingling from his touch. I inhaled deeply and turned to Alice. 'Give it to me,' I sighed. Emmett chuckled with delight.**

"Not for long," Edward muttered this time quietly. I turned to him and said.

"I love you Edward. Never forget that." He smiled and gave me a kiss.

**I took the package, rolling my eyes at Edward while I stuck my finger under the edge of the paper and jerked it under the tape.**

…

…

…

I took a deep breath and continued.

'**Shoot,' I muttered when the paper sliced my finger. I pulled it out to examine the damage. A single drop of blood oozed from the tiny cut. It all happened very quickly then. 'No!' Edward roared. He threw himself at me, flinging me back across the table. It fell, as I did, scattering the cake and the presents, the flowers and the plates. I landed in the mess of shattering glass. Jasper slammed into Edward, and the sound was like the crash of boulders in a rock slide. **

I took a break, and looked around the room. I can't quite explain the emotion that was going throughout the room, but it wasn't a good emotion. I took a few deep breaths and restarted.

**There was another noise, a grisly snarling that seemed to be coming from deep in Jasper's chest. Jasper tried to shove past Edward, snapping his teeth just inches from Edward's face. Emmett grabbed Jasper from behind in the next second, locking him into his massive steel grip, but Jasper struggled on, his wild, empty eyes focused only on me. Beyond the shock, there was also pain. I'd tumbled down to the floor by the piano, with my arms thrown out instinctively, to catch my fall, into the jagged shards of glass. Only now did I feel the searing, stinging pain that ran from my wrist to the crease inside my elbow. Dazed and disoriented, I looked up from the bright blood pulsing out of my arm-into the fevered eyes of the six suddenly ravenous vampires.**

All of a sudden the door opened, to find Jasper and Alice standing at it. Only four words came out of his mouth.

"I'm so sorry, Bella."

**Wow that took forever. Well guys here it is. Let me take the time to say thank you so much to all my reviewers. It took a long time, but I hope it was worth it because here it is in full. Please read and review**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters, although sometimes I wish I could own Edward. This great honor belongs to the amazing, wonderful Stephanie Meyer.**

Chapter five (Chapter 2 *stitches*)

After Jasper gave me a big brotherly hug, and apologized a thousand times, I said.

"K now that we're relaxed, let's begin again. And guess what! Now we've made it to chapter 2 in the books."

Chapter 2 Stitches

**Carlisle was the only one who stayed calm. Centuries of experience in the emergency room were evident in his quiet, authoritative voice. 'Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside.' Unsmiling for once, Emmett nodded. 'Come on, Jasper.'**

I noticed Jasper mouth the words thank you to Emmett. Emmett nodded at him, showing he noticed.

**Jasper struggled against Emmett's unbreakable grasp, twisting around, reaching toward his brother with his bared teeth, his eyes still past reason. Edward's face was whiter than bone as he wheeled to crouch over me, taking a clearly defensive position. A low warning growl slid from between his clenched teeth. I could tell that he wasn't breathing.**

"That's probably from shock," Jasper muttered emotionally, so to speak.

**Rosalie, her divine face strangely smug, stepped in front of Jasper-keeping a careful distance from his teeth-and helped Emmett wrestle him through the glass door that Esme held open, one hand pressed over her mouth and nose. Esme's heart-shaped face was ashamed. 'I'm so sorry, Bella, she cried as she followed the others into the yard.**

"So am I, Bella, so am I," Jasper told said half-heartedly. I smiled at Jasper, showing him that I understand and accept.

'**Let me by, Edward,' Carlisle murmured. A second passed, and then Edward nodded slowly and relaxed his stance. Carlisle knelt beside me, leaning close to examine my arm. I could feel the shock frozen on my face, and I tried to compose it. 'Here, Carlisle,' Alice said, handing him a towel. He shook his head. 'Too much glass in the wound.'**

"Owww, that's gotta hurt," Seth commented.

"Hey, just remember, if it wasn't for that day, you wouldn't have made a best friend out of me," said Jacob smiling. Edward snarled at him.

"Enough, guys!" I said at both of them. They both shut up.

**He reached over and ripped a long, thin scrap from the bottom of the white tablecloth. He twisted it around my arm above the elbow to form a tourniquet. The smell of the blood was making me dizzy. My ears rang. 'Bella,' Carlisle said softly. 'Do you want me to drive you to the hospital, or would you like me to take care of it here?'**

"Knowing Bella, she probably said here because she wants to cover it up to Charlie," Jacob commented. I stuck my tongue out at him.

'**Here, please,' I whispered. If he took me to the hospital, there would be no way to keep this from Charlie.**

"See?" Jacob pointed out. Grr.

'**I'll get your bag,' Alice said. Let's get her to the kitchen table,' Carlisle said to Edward. Edward lifted me effortlessly, while Carlisle kept the pressure steady on my arm. 'How are you doing Bella?' Carlisle asked. 'I'm fine.' My voice was reasonably steady, which pleased me. Edward's face was like stone. Alice was there. Carlisle's black bag was already on the table, a small but brilliant desk light plugged into the wall. Edward sat me gently into a chair, and Carlisle pulled up another. He went to work at once. Edward stood over me, still protective, still not breathing.**

"Breathe bro, breathe," said Emmett laughing.

'**Just go, Edward,' I sighed. 'I can handle it,' he insisted. But his jaw was rigid, his eyes burned with the intensity of the thirst he fought, so much worse for him than it was for the others. 'You don't need to be a hero.' I said.**

"Yeah, because you already are my hero," I said smiling at him. He smiled back.

'**Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air.' I winced as Carlisle did something to my arm that stung. 'I'll stay,' he said. 'Why are you so masochistic?' I mumbled.**

Everyone started laughing. Seth looked confused.

"I was the masochistic lion in love with the sick lamb," Edward said between laughs.

**Carlisle decided to intercede. 'Edward, you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now.'**

"That was definitely true," Jasper admitted.

'**Yes,' I eagerly agreed. 'Go find Jasper.' 'You might as well do something useful,' Alice added. Edward's eyes narrowed as we ganged up on him, but, finally, he nodded once and sprinted smoothly through the kitchen's back door. I was sure he hadn't taken a breath since I'd sliced my finger.**

"Do you blame me?" Edward asked me. I stayed silent.

**A numb, dead feeling was spreading through my arm. Though it erased the sting, it reminded me of the gash, and I watched Carlisle's face carefully to distract me from what his hands were doing. His hair gleamed gold in the bright light as he bent over his arm. I could feel the faint stirrings of unease in the pit of my stomach, but I was determined not to let my usual squeamishness get the best of me. There was no pain now,**

"Yeah, now that I left," Jasper muttered.

"It's okay," said Esme in her caring motherly voice. "We all understand and accept the apology."

"You didn't do anything wrong." I said. "You couldn't help it. It was vampire instinct.

**Just a gentle tugging sensation that I tried to ignore. No reason to get sick like a baby. If she hadn't been in my line of sight, I wouldn't have noticed Alice give up and steal out of the room. With a tiny, apologetic smile on her lips, she disappeared through the kitchen doorway. 'Well that's everyone,' I sighed. I can clear a room, at least.'**

"Didn't know an innocent little human had the ability to scare everyone off," Jacob said laughing. We all laughed in agreement.

'**It's not your fault,' Carlisle comforted me with a chuckle. 'It could happen to anyone.' **_**'Could**_**,' I repeated. But it usually just happens to me.'**

"Wayyyyy too true little sis, way too true," Emmett said smiling at me.

**His relaxed calm was only more amazing set in the direct contrast with everyone else's reaction. I couldn't find any trace of anxiety in his face. The only sound besides our quiet breathing was the soft **_**plink, plink**_** as the tiny fragments of glass dropped one by one on the table.**

"Plink," Said Emmett smirking at Edward.

"Kerplop," Edward replied.

"Plink."

"Kerplop."

This went on for about two minutes, before Esme finally spoke up and said, "Boys! Enough already." They shut up, and then we heard a little voice say.

"Plink, kerplop." There was a big awe throughout room.

'**How can you do this?' I demanded. 'Even Alice and Esme…' I trailed off, shaking my head in wonder. Though the rest of them had given up the traditional diet of vampires just as absolutely as Carlisle had, he was the only who could bear the smell of my blood without suffering from the intense temptation.**

"Remember Bells, he's a doctor for hundreds of years," Esme said, smiling at her husband.

**Clearly, this was much more difficult than he made it seem. 'Years and years of practice,' he told me. 'I barely notice the scent anymore.' **

"Yeah, but if you're special, don't let him do doctor experimentations," Jacob said, remembering back to when Carlisle tested his cell count.

'**Do you think it would be harder if you took a vacation from the hospital for a long time? And weren't around any blood?' 'Maybe.' He shrugged his shoulders, but his hands remained steady. 'I've never felt the need for an extended holiday.' He flashed a brilliant smile in my direction. 'I enjoy my work too much.'**

"Plus," I reminded him, "If you weren't a doctor, you probably wouldn't be a vegetarian, and I would have been killed, and not in a good way, a long time ago." He smiled at me, knowing that I understood exactly where he was coming from.

_**Plink, plink, plink. **_**I was surprised at how much glass there seemed to be in my arm. I was tempted to glance at the growing pile, just to check the size, but I knew that idea would not be helpful to my no-vomiting strategy.**

"Wow, déjà vu of Biology," said Alice. Hmm, I guess she saw the vision of me fainting that day because they had to "take off" from that class just in time for taking blood samples.

'**What is it that you enjoy?' I wondered. It didn't make sense to me-the years of struggle and self-denial he must have spent to get to the point where he could endure this so easily.**

"Like I said in the book," Carlisle mentioned. "Lots and lots of practice. Plus after living with the Volturi in my early years, and witnessing the hundreds getting killed every other week to keep the Volturi fed, I vowed to myself I couldn't let that happen. So instead of killing lives, I save them."

**Besides, I wanted to keep him talking; the conversation kept my mind off the queasy feeling in my stomach. His dark eyes were calm and thoughtful as he answered. 'Hmm. What I enjoy the very most is when my…enhanced abilities let me save someone who would otherwise have been lost. It's pleasant knowing that, thanks to what I can do, some people's lives are better because I exist.'**

"Wow, that's amazing," Seth commented, smiling at Carlisle.

'**Even the sense of smell is a useful diagnostic tool at times.' One side of his mouth pulled up in half a smile. I mulled that over while he poked around making sure all the glass splinters were gone. Then he rummaged in his bag for new tools, and I tried not to picture a needle and thread. **

"Yes," agreed Edward. "Bella and needles, not a great combination." I laughed at the idea.

'**You try very hard to make up for something that was never your fault,' I suggested while a new kind of tugging started at the edges of my skin. 'What I mean is, it's not like you asked for this. You didn't choose this kind of life, and yet you have to work so **_**hard **_**to be good.**

"We work very hard to keep up with it, but it saves lives," Carlisle said.

'**I don't know that I'm making up for anything,' he disagreed lightly. 'Like everything in life, I just had to decide what to do with what I was given.' 'That makes it sound too easy.' He examined my arm again. 'There,' he said snipping a thread. 'All done.' He wiped an oversized Q-tip, dripping with some syrup-colored liquid, thoroughly across the operation site. The smell was strange; it made my head spin. The syrup stained my skin. 'In the beginning, though,'**

"Yes it was tough, but I did not ever want to see people getting hurt on my account. It's why I took on the profession of doctor," Carlisle said.

**I pressed while he taped another long piece of gauze securely in place, sealing it to my skin. 'Why did you even think to try a different way than the obvious one?' His lips turned up in a private smile. 'Hasn't Edward told you this story?' 'Yes. But I'm trying to understand what you were thinking…' His face was suddenly serious again, and I wondered if his thoughts had gone to the same place that mine had. Wondering what I would be thinking when-I refused to thin **_**if-**_**it was me.**

"Well you didn't have to worry about that," said Jasper smiling. "You sort of skipped right past newborn and practically became and adult vampire within days." I smiled at him thankfully.

'**You know my father was a clergyman,' he mused as he cleaned the table carefully, rubbing everything down with wet gauze, and then doing it again. The smell of alcohol burned in my nose.**

"I bet it burns your nose that much worse, now that you are a vampire," Emmett commented. I definitely agreed.

'**He had a rather harsh view of the world, which I was already beginning to question before the time that I changed. Carlisle put all the dirty gauze and the glass slivers into an empty crystal bowl. I didn't understand what he was doing, even when he lit the match. Then he threw it onto the alcohol-soaked fibers, and the sudden blaze made me jump. 'Sorry,' he apologized. 'That ought to do it…So I didn't agree with my father' particular brand of faith. But never in the nearly four hundred years now since I was born, have I ever seen anything to make me doubt whether God exists in some form or the other.'**

"Of course God exists," I said. "He brought my family to me." Everyone beamed at me happily.

'**Not even the reflection in the mirror.' I pretended to examine the dressing on my arm to hide my surprise at the direction our conversation had taken. Religion was the last thing I expected, all things considered. My own life was fairly devoid of belief.**

"Again, for the most part, that is still true, but now I do believe there IS a God, especially because of my last statement."

**Charlie considered himself a Lutheran, because that' what his parents had been, but Sundays he worshipped by the river with a fishing pole in his had.**

"Hmmm," said Jacob. "I wonder who he goes fishing with on those _ultra religious_ Sundays." Seth and I laughed.

**Renee tried out a church now and then, but, much liker her brief affairs with tennis, pottery, yoga, and French classes, she moved on by the time I was aware of her newest fad. 'I'm sure all this sounds a little bizarre, coming form a vampire.' He grinned, knowing how their casual use of that word never failed to shock me. 'But I'm hoping that there is still a point to this life, even for us. It's a long shot, I'll admit,' he continued in an offhand voice. 'By all accounts, we're damned regardless.**

"That's an understatement," Edward muttered to himself.

"That's ok," I said. "Now we're damned together." That got him to smile a little.

'**But I hope, maybe foolishly, that we'll get some measure of credit for trying.' 'I don't think that's foolish,' I mumbled. I couldn't imagine anyone, deity included, who wouldn't be impressed by Carlisle. Besides, the only kind of heaven **_**I **_**could appreciate would have to include Edward. 'And I don't think anyone else would, either.' 'Actually, you're the very first one to agree with me.' 'The rest of them don't feel the same?' I asked, surprised, thinking of only one person in particular.**

"Sorry hon," said Edward sweetly, "but I really don't agree with it."

"I know you don't, but a girl can hope." I said smiling.

**Carlisle guessed the direction of my thought again. 'Edward's with me up to a point. God and heaven exist…and so does hell. But he doesn't believe there is an afterlife for our kind.' Carlisle's voice was very soft; he stared out the big window over the sink, into the darkness. 'You see, he thinks we've lost our souls.' I immediately thought of Edward's words this afternoon:**_** unless you want to die-or whatever it is we do**_**. The lightbulb flicked on over my head.**

Emmett ran upstairs for a minute and came back down with a lightbulb. He then tried to put it over my head to see if it would light up. "Emmett," Rosalie said laughing, "it's just a saying." We all laughed.

'**That's the real problem, isn't it?' I guessed. 'That's why he's being so difficult about me.' Carlisle spoke slowly. 'I look at my…**_**son**_**. His strength, his goodness, the brightness that shines out of him-and it only fuels that hope, that faith, more than ever. How could there not be more for one such as Edward?' I nodded in fervent agreement. 'But if I believed as he does…' He looked down at me with unfathomable eyes. 'If you believed as he did. Could you take away **_**his **_**soul?' The way he phrased the question thwarted my answer. If he'd asked me whether I would risk my soul for Edward, the reply would be obvious. But would I risk Edward's soul?**

"Too late for that, isn't it?" asked Edward. I looked up at him and gave him a big kiss on the lips to shut him up.

**I pursed my lips unhappily. That wasn't a fair change. 'You see the problem.' I shook my head, aware of the stubborn set of my chin. Carlisle sighed. 'It's my choice,' I insisted. 'It's his, too.' He held up his hand when he could see that I was about to argue. 'Whether he is responsible for doing that to you.'**

"Too late for that too."

"Hey! Didn't you want to see me make it so we could raise our wonderful daughter together, and not leave you lonely again?" I asked. Again, I shut him up.

'**He's not the only one able to do it.' I eyed Carlisle speculatively. He laughed, abruptly lightening the mood. 'Oh, no! You're going to have to work this out with **_**him**_**.' But then he sighed. 'That's the one part I can never be sure of. I **_**think**_** in most other ways, that I've done the best I could do with what I had to work with. But was it right to doom the others to this life? I can't decide.'**

"Well, whether it was right or not, we are all thankful for taking us in like family," said Esme. We all eagerly agreed.

**I didn't answer. I imagined what my life would be like if Carlisle had resisted the temptation to change my lonely existence…and shuddered. 'It was Edward's mother who made up my mind.' Carlisle's voice was almost a whisper. He stared unseeingly out the black windows. **

"Wait, I never knew that," said Alice frowning. "I thought I knew everything, with me being the gossip queen and stuff."

"Well, Alice, don't worry," said Carlisle. "You will find out now."

'**Yes. Her name was Elizabeth. Elizabeth Masen. His father, Edward Senior, never regained consciousness in the hospital. He died in the first wave of the influenza.**

"Wow, Edward," commented Seth. "That must have been pretty tough for you.

"Not really. It happened when I was much younger, like eight or nine, so I don't really remember him much."

'**But Elizabeth was alert until the very end. Edward looks a great deal like her-she had that same strange bronze shade to her hair, and her eyes were exactly the same color green.' 'Her eyes were green?' I murmured, trying to picture it. 'Yes…' Carlisle's ocher eyes were a hundred years away now. 'Elizabeth worried obsessively over her son. She hurt her own chances of survival trying to nurse him from her sickbed. I expected that he would go first, he was so much worse off than she was.**

"That is one of the things of my human life that I will never forget. It's pretty hard to forget what dying feels like. Part of me is still extremely grateful for what Carlisle did. I didn't realize how grateful I was until he told me this story himself."

'**When the end came for her, it was very quick. It was just after sunset, and I'd arrived to relieve the doctors who'd been working all day. That was a hard time to pretend-there so much work to be done, and I had no need of rest. How I hated to go back to my house, to hide in the dark and pretend to sleep while so many were dying. I went to check Elizabeth and her son first. I'd grown attached-always a dangerous thing to do considering the fragile nature of humans.**

"Much like Edward was to you, Bella," Carlisle reminded me.

"Yes but she was quite the stubborn case," Edward said smiling. "She wouldn't give in until she had her way."

"**I could see at once that she'd taken a bad turn. The fever was raging out of control, and her body was too weak to fight anymore. She didn't look weak, though, when she glared up at me from her cot. Save him! She commanded me in the hoarse voice that was all her throat could manage. I'll do everything in my power, I promised her, taking her hand. The fever was so high, she probably couldn't even tell how unnaturally cold mine felt. Everything felt cold to her skin. You must, she insisted, clutching at my hand with enough strength that I wondered if she wouldn't pull through the crisis after all.**

"You know, I might have saved her as well if she made it. She was just so gentle and kind." Edward smiled at his adopted father with thankful eyes.

'**You must do everything in **_**your**_** power. What others cannot do, that is what you must do for my Edward.' 'It frightened me. She looked at me with those piercing eyes and, for one instant, I felt certain that she knew my secret. Then the fever overwhelmed her, and she never regained consciousness. She died within an hour of making her demand.**

I paused for a minute, because I felt a sort of silence around the room. Seth was looking up at Carlisle in awe, while Jacob didn't know what to say. Finally! They saw what we all understood.

'**I'd spent decades considering the idea of creating a companion for myself. Just one other creature who could really know me, rather than what I pretended to be. But I could never justify it to myself-doing what had been done to me. There Edward lay, dying. It was clear that he had only hours left. Beside him, his mother, her face somehow not yet peaceful, not even in death.' Carlisle saw it all again, his memory unblurred by the intervening century. I could see it clearly, too, as he spoke-the despair of the hospital, the overwhelming atmosphere of death. **

"I can imagine what it would have been like if you would have lived after all," I commented to Edward. "No family, everyone around you dying. I realize that you see your self as a monster, but do remember that Carlisle kind of saved you from yourself." He remained silent, but I knew that I got to him.

**Edward burning with fever, his life again, and forced the picture from my mind. 'Elizabeth's words echoed in my head. How could she guess what I could do? Could anyone really want that for her son?**

"With my mom, she would have done anything to keep me alive. After losing dad, I was all she had, and she didn't want me to go as well. And Carlisle and Bella, yes, she did know, but she kept it quiet. I knew what she wanted to happen, and I regretted it at first, but look what it has led me too," he said smiling at myself and Nessie.

'**I looked at Edward. Sick as he was, he was still beautiful. There was something pure and good about his face. The kind of face I would have wanted my son to have. After all those years of indecision, I simply acted on a whim. I wheeled his mother to the morgue first, and then I came back for him. No one noticed that he was still breathing. There wasn't enough hands, enough eyes.**

"It was really difficult times," commented Jasper. "Even though I was running with Maria at the time, it wasn't hard to notice. Especially when she kept trying to go for these 'morgue' guys like Edward. I'm just glad it was Carlisle that found him, not myself or Maria." (Ok I didn't know at what point Jasper left Maria, so I guessed he was still with her at the time k back to the story).

'**To keep track of half of what the patients needed. The morgue was empty-of the living, at least. I stole him out the back door, and carried him across the rooftops back to my home. I wasn't sure what had to be done. I settled for recreating the wounds I'd received myself, so many centuries earlier in London. I felt bad about that later. It was more painful and lingering than necessary. I wasn't sorry, though. I've never been sorry that I saved Edward.'**

"Thank you, and I'm thankful to you for everything," Edward responded back, as if Carlisle in the book was speaking to him directly.

**He smiled at me. 'I suppose I should take you home now.' 'I'll do that,' Edward said. He came through the shadowy dining room, walking slowly for him. His face was smooth, unreadable, but there was something wrong with his eyes-something he was trying very hard to hide.**

"Hmm," said Edward glumly. "Could it be the fact that I was thinking that I would have to leave my love forever to keep her safe?" I stayed quiet for a few seconds.

**I felt a spasm of unease in my stomach. 'Carlisle can take me,' I said. I looked down at my shirt; the light blue cotton was soaked and spotted with my blood. My right shoulder was covered in thick pink frosting.**

"I didn't wear blue that whole couple of months after that," I commented reminiscing on difficult times.

'**I'm fine.' Edward's voice was unemotional. 'You'll need to change anyway. You'd give Charlie a heart attack the way you look.**

Jacob laughed. "That's an understatement."

'**I'll have Alice get you something.' He strode out the kitchen door again. I looked at Carlisle anxiously. 'He's very upset.' 'Yes.' Carlisle agreed. 'Tonight is exactly the kind of thing that he fears the most. You being put in danger, because of what we are.'**

"Yeah but technically, as you all call it, I was a danger magnet anyway. AKA, enter Jacob." We all laughed.

'**It's not his fault.' 'It's not yours, either.' I looked away from his wise beautiful eyes. I couldn't agree with that. Carlisle offered me his hand and helped me up from the table. I followed him out into the main room. Esme had come back; she was mopping the floor where I'd fallen-with straight bleach from the smell of it. 'Esme, let me do that.' I could feel that my face was bright red again. 'I'm already done.' She smiled up at me. 'How do you feel?'**

"Like I just got attacked by a vampire ready to drain my blood," I thought to myself, but then forgot that my shield was down. I looked over at Edward, who was giving me huge, apologetic eyes. I nodded to him, and put my shield back up.

'**I'm fine,' I assured her. 'Carlisle sews faster than any other doctor I've had.' They both chuckled.**

"Years and years and years of practice can do that for a doctor," said Carlisle grinning at me. That cheered me up.

**Alice and Edward came in the back doors. Alice hurried to my side, but Edward hung back, his face indecipherable. 'C'mon,' Alice said. 'I'll get you something less macabre to wear.' She found me a shirt of Esme's that was close to the same color mine had been. Charlie wouldn't notice, I was sure.**

"Although, knowing Charlie, I don't think he would notice if you came in wearing a kilt," said Jake laughing. "As long as you got home safe after being with the _Cullens_." Too late for that, I thought to myself laughing.

**The long white bandage on my arm didn't look nearly as serious when I was no longer spattered in gore. Charlie was never surprised to see me bandaged. 'Alice,' I whispered as she headed back to the door. 'Yes?' she kept her voice low, too, and looked at me curiously, her head cocked to the side. 'How bad is it?' I couldn't be sure if my whispering was a wasted effort. Even though we were upstairs, with the door closed, perhaps he could hear me.**

"I was able to hear you, but I kept quiet because I wanted to hear your reaction and how you felt without getting in heaps of trouble and having mountain lions eat me and blah blah blah." Edward said laughing, remembering what happened when he locked me up with Alice, not letting me leave the house.

**Her face tensed. 'I'm not sure yet.' 'How's Jasper?' She sighed. 'He's very unhappy with himself. It's all so much more of a challenge for him, and he hates feeling weak.' 'It's not his fault. You'll tell him that I'm not mad at him, not at all, won't you?' 'Of course.' Edward was waiting for me by the front door. As I got to the bottom of the staircase, he held it open without a word. 'Take your things!' Alice cried as I walked warily toward Edward.**

"What good that did me, I couldn't find them for months after you 'took them away.'" I said quietly. No one responded.

**She scooped up the two packages, one half-opened, and my camera from under the piano, and pressed them into my good arm. 'You can thank me later, when you've opened them.' Esme and Carlisle both said a quiet goodnight. I could see them stealing quick glances at their impassive son, much like I was. It was a relief to be outside; I hurried past the lanterns and the roses, now unwelcome reminders.**

"Don't worry," said Alice. "Next time you see these nice decorations, they bring back happy memories, not miserable ones." She clearly said this to try and cheer me up. It didn't work.

**Edward kept pace with me silently. He opened the passenger side for me, and I climbed in without complaint. On the dashboard was a big red ribbon, stuck to the new stereo. I pulled it off, throwing it to the floor. As Edward slid into the other side, I kicked the ribbon under my seat.**

"Someone needs anger management classes," Emmett said smirking. I punched his arm lightly, knowing he was teasing.

**He didn't look at me or the stereo. Neither of us switched it on, and the silence was somehow intensified by the sudden thunder of the engine. He drove too fast down the dark, serpentine lane. The silence was making me insane. 'Say something,' I finally begged as he turned onto the freeway. 'What do you want me to say?' he asked in a detached voice.**

"Hmm, something like, I love you, I'm sorry about what happened, but nothing will change, dear." I said quietly, forgetting that they have super hearing. I looked up, and it was clear that they all heard.

**I cringed at his remoteness. 'Tell me you forgive me.' That brought a flicker of life to his face-a flicker of anger. 'Forgive **_**you**_**? For what?' 'If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened.'**

"Good old Bella," said Jacob. "Always worrying more about the other person, than of herself."

'**Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut-that hardly deserves the death penalty.' 'It's still my fault.' My words opened up the floodgate. 'Your fault? If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica there and Angela and your other normal friends, the worst that could possibly have happened would be what? Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage? If you'd tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on your own-without someone throwing you into them-even then, what's the worst?**

"I would end up in the hospital, having my dad find out, who would call my mother, who would get neurotic…"

"Bells, sweets, enough, we know," Edward said trying to quiet my angry rant.

**You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up-and he wouldn't be fighting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there. Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself.'**

"You were the one disgusted???" Jasper gasped. "Look at how I felt, Edward. I nearly just killed your girlfriend, because I didn't have the control to stop myself!"

"Boys," Esme said shutting them up. "What happened, happened. What's important is that right now, we are all a family, so please stop." They went quiet.

'**How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?' I demanded. 'Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with,' he growled.**

"Well that idea didn't work," said Jacob smiling. "Since when you left, she went for the first monster she could find." No comment.

'**I'd rather die than be with Mike Newton, I protested. 'I'd rather die than be with anyone but you.' 'Don't be melodramatic, please.' 'Well then, don't you be ridiculous.' He didn't answer. He glared through the windshield, his expression blank. I racked my brain for some way to salvage the evening. When we pulled up in front of my house, I still hadn't come up with anything. He killed the engine, but his hands stayed clenched around the steering wheel. 'Will you stay tonight?' I asked. 'I should go home.' The last thing I wanted was for him to go wallow in remorse.**

"Yeah so instead, I let him go home, not talk to me for a week, and then just leave," I said glumly. No one responded. It stayed silent for _way _too long, so I read again.

'**For my birthday,' I pressed. 'You can't have it both ways-either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the other.' **

Everyone broke into laughter, and it broke the awkward silence that was going on, while I was reading the last page or so.

**His voice was stern, but not as serious as before. I breathed a silent sigh of relief. 'Okay. I've decided that I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs.' I hopped out, reaching back in for my packages. He frowned. 'You don't have to take those.' 'I want them,' I responded automatically, and then wondered if he was using reverse psychology. 'No you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you.'**

"I also didn't want to disappoint them. They were like me parents then, and they are my parents now. I would hate to do that."

'**I'll live.' I tucked the presents awkwardly under my good arm and slammed the door behind me. He was out of the truck and by my side in less than a second. 'Let me carry them, at least,' he said as he took them away. 'I'll be in your room.' I smiled. 'Thanks.'**

"I didn't want to stay over, but I knew you needed the company after what had happened," Edward pointed out. I looked at him, gratefully.

'**Happy birthday,' he sighed, and leaned down to touch his lips to mine. I reached on my toes to make the kiss last longer when he pulled away. He smiled my favorite crooked smile, and then he disappeared into the darkness. The game was still on; as soon as I walked through the front door I could hear the announcer rambling over the babble of the crowd. 'Bell?' Charlie called. 'Hey, Dad,' I said as I came around the corner. I held my arm close to my side.**

"Of course, cover it up for Charlie," Jacob commented. "He's a police chief, Bella, you think he can't figure out something is wrong?"

"Hey I've gotten away with stuff before haven't I?" He shrugged his shoulders in defeat.

'**The slight pressure burned, and I wrinkled my nose. The anesthetic was apparently losing its effectiveness. 'How was it?' Charlie lounged across the sofa with his bare feet propped up on the arm. What was left of his curly brown hair was crushed flat on one side. 'Alice went overboard. Flowers, cake, candles, presents-the whole bit.**

"Yep, that's our Alice for you," Jasper said smiling, as he kissed her forehead.

'**What did they get you?' 'A stereo for my truck.' And various unknowns. 'Wow.' 'Yea,' I agreed. 'Well, I'm calling it a night.' 'I'll see you in the morning.' I waved. 'See ya.' 'What happened to your arm?'**

"See, I told you he would notice," Jake said. I growled at him.

**I flushed and cursed silently, 'I tripped. It's nothing. 'Bella,' he sighed, shaking his head. 'Goodnight, Dad.' I hurried up to the bathroom, where I kept my pajamas for just such nights as these. I shrugged into the matching tank top and cotton pants that I'd gotten to replace the holy sweats I used to wear to bed, wincing as the movement pulled at the stitches.**

"Yes, because cotton pjs are _so_ _much_ more stylish than sweats," Alice said exaggerating. "Thank G-d I bought you all that lingerie for your honeymoon."

"Doesn't mean I wear it much," I retorted back. She huffed.

**I washed my face one-handed, brushed my teeth, and then skipped to my room. He was sitting in the center of my bed, toying idly with one of the silver boxes. 'Hi,' he said. His voice was sad. He was wallowing. I went to the bed pushed the presents out of his hands, and climbed into his lap. 'Hi.' I snuggled into his stone chest. 'Can I open my presents now?' 'Where did the enthusiasm come from?' he wondered. 'You made me curious.'**

"More like, I might as well get this over with, because the day can't get any worse. Might as well make you happy." Edward frowned deeply.

**I picked up the long flat rectangle that must have been from Carlisle and Esme. 'Allow me,' he suggested. He took the gift from my hand and tore the silver paper off with one fluid movement. He handed the rectangular white box back to me.**

"Smart move," Jasper said.

'**Are you sure I can handle lifting the lid?' I muttered, but he ignored me. Inside the box was a long thick piece of paper with an overwhelming amount of fine print. It took me a minute to get the gist of the information. 'We're going to Jacksonville?' And I was excited, in spite of myself. It was a voucher for plane tickets, for both me and Edward.**

"Too bad that got ruined too." I glumly commented.

"Yeah, but when I came back, we went."

"Oh, I never told you. My mom basically figured out we were already engaged at that point. She told me so when I told her officially about the wedding.

"Renee really doesn't miss a beat, does she?" Edward asked laughing. I agreed.

'**That's the idea.' I can't believe it. Renee is going to flip! You don't mind, though, do you? It's sunny, you'll have to stay inside all day.' 'I think I can handle it,' he said, and then frowned. 'If I'd had any idea that you could respond to a gift this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd complain.' 'Well, of course it's too much. But I get to take you with me!'**

"That's all that matters, huh?" Edward joked. "You didn't care about seeing Renee?"

"Oh ha ha."

**He chuckled, 'Now I wish I'd spent money on your present. I didn't realize that you were capable of being reasonable.' I set the tickets aside and reached for his present, my curiosity rekindled. He took it from me and unwrapped it like the first one. He handed back a clear CD jewel case, with a blank silver CD inside. 'What is it?' I asked, perplexed.**

"A love CD, confessing his true love for you," Emmett teased. Edward slapped over the side of his head. We all laughed.

**He didn't say anything; he took the CD and reached around me to put it in the CD player on the bedside table. He hit play, and we waited in silence. Then the music began. I listened, speechless and wide-eyed. I knew he was waiting for my reaction, but I couldn't talk. Tears welled up, and I reached up to wipe them away before they could spill over. 'Does your arm hurt?' he asked anxiously.**

"Ugh men," Alice said. "She's crying over how beautiful a song is, and you thought it was her arm hurting????" Rosalie and I agreed, laughing.

'**No it's not my arm. It's beautiful, Edward. You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I can't believe it.' I shut up so I could listen. It was his music, his compositions. The first piece on the CD was my lullaby.**

"Is that the song daddy plays for me before I sleep?" I nodded. Nessie clapped her hands excitedly and said, "good song good song!" It was soooo cute.

'**I didn't think you would let me get a piano so I could play for you here,' he explained. 'You're right.' 'How does your arm feel?' 'Just fine.' Actually, it was starting to blaze under the bandage. I wanted ice. I would have settled for his hand, but that would have given me away.**

"Bells, I already knew you were lying. You know you're a horrible liar.

"Yes, but I can still try."

'**I'll get you some Tylenol.' 'I don't need anything,' I protested, but he slid me off his lap and headed for the door. 'Charlie,' I hissed. Charlie wasn't exactly aware that Edward frequently stayed over. In fact, he would have a stroke if that fact were brought to his attention. But I didn't feel guilty for deceiving him. It wasn't as if we were up to anything he wouldn't want me to be up to. Edward and his rules…**

After I read that line, Emmett burst out laughing. Then we all started laughing. "You and your rules bro, you and your rules."

'**He won't catch me,' Edward promised as he disappeared silently out the door…and returned, catching the door before it had swung back to touch the frame. He had the glass from the bathroom and the bottle of pills in one hand.**

"Like I said, you're a horrible liar," Edward commented, kissing me gently on the lips. All I did was smile sheepishly at him.

**I took the pills he handed me without arguing-I knew I would lose the argument. And my arm really was starting to bother me. My lullaby continued, soft and lovely, in the background. 'It's late,' Edward noted. He scooped me up off the bed with one arm, and pulled the cover back with the other. He put me down with my head on my pillow and tucked the quilt around me. He lay down next to me-on top of the blanket so I wouldn't get chilled-and put his arm over.**

"Insert Jake here," Seth said laughing.

**I leaned my head against his shoulder and sighed happily. 'Thanks again, I whispered. 'You're welcome.' It was quiet for a long moment as I listened to my lullaby drift to a close. Another song began. I recognized Esme's favorite. 'What are you thinking about?' I wondered in a whisper. He hesitated for a second before he told me. 'I was thinking about right and wrong, actually.**

I stopped for a minute to think to myself. What's right and wrong? If he knew right from wrong, he would have never left. I looked around to see everyone confused as to why I stopped so I continued.

**I felt a chill tingle along my spine. 'Remember how I decided that I wanted you to **_**not **_**ignore my birthday?' I asked quickly, hoping it wasn't too clear that I was trying to distract him. 'Yes,' he agreed, wary. 'Well, I was thinking, since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again.' 'You're greedy tonight.'**

"Yes very true," I said smiling. "But it _Was_ my birthday, and you said everyone should treat me accordingly, so there you go." Everyone but Edward laughed.

'**Yes, I am-but please, don't do anything you don't want to do,' added, piqued. He laughed, and then sighed. 'Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do,' he said in a strangely desperate tone as he put his hand under my chin and pulled my face up to his.**

"Yes heaven forbid," Edward said laughing. "Although I don't think you would have cared."

I thought for a minute and responded. "Probably not." We all laughed.

**The kiss began much the same as usual-Edward was as careful as ever, and my heart began to overreact like it always did. And then something seemed to change. Suddenly his lips became much more urgent, his free hand twisted into my hair and held my face securely to his. And, though my hands tangled in his hair, too, and though I was clearly beginning to cross his cautious lines, for once he didn't stop me. His body was cold through the thin quilt, but I crushed myself against him eagerly.**

"What's going on?" Renesmee asked innocently.

"Your mommy and daddy are in love," smiled Rosalie.

**When he stopped it was abrupt; he pushed me away with gentle, firm hands. I collapsed back onto my pillow, gasping, my head spinning. Something tugged at my memory, elusive, on the edges. 'Sorry,' he said, and he was breathless too. 'That was out of line.'**

"**Well, with Edward, it doesn't exactly take much to be breathless," said Jasper laughing.**

'_**I **_**don't mind,' I panted. He frowned at me in the darkness. 'Try to sleep, Bella.' 'No, I want you to kiss me again.'**

"Ewww too much kisses here," said Seth. We all laughed.

'**You're overestimating my self-control.' 'Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?' I challenged. 'It's a tie.' He grinned briefly in spite of himself, and then was serious again. 'Now, why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?' 'Fine,' I agreed, snuggling closer to him.**

"Bella's got a backbone!" Emmett shouted, giving me a high five.

**I really did feel exhausted. It had been a long day in so many ways, yet I felt no sense of relief at its end. Almost as if something worse was coming tomorrow. It was a silly premonition-what could be worse than today? Just the shock catching up with me, no doubt.**

"Trust me," uttered Edward quietly. "It can be much worse." I gave him a big hug to let him know I'm here for him.

**Trying to be sneaky about it, I pressed my injured arm against his shoulder, so his cool skin would sooth the burning. It felt better at once. I was halfway asleep, maybe more, when I realized what his kiss reminded me of: last spring, when he'd had to leave me to throw James off my trail, Edward had kissed me goodbye, not knowing when-or if-we would see each other again. This kiss had the same almost painful edge for some reason I couldn't imagine. I shuddered into unconsciousness, as if I were already having a nightmare.**

**K that's the chapter. Wow that took me so much less time than last chapter but I know the next will take a while, its longer than 2 chapters ago. Finally time to thank all my reviewers.**

KarlaandTanyaareimmortal

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Me!

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Thank you to all and I will update as soon as the next chapter is written


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters, although sometimes I wish I could own Edward. This great honor belongs to the amazing, wonderful Stephanie Meyer

**Here it is guys. The chapter we're all dreading.**

Chapter 3 The End

**I felt absolutely hideous in the morning. I hadn't slept well;**

"I wonder why," Edward muttered to himself quietly.

**My arm burned and my head ached. It didn't help my outlook that Edward's face was smooth and remote as he kissed my forehead quickly and ducked out my window.**

"Did my father ever actually catch you?" I asked curiously.

"No, which is pretty amazing," Edward said smiling victoriously. I laughed.

**I was afraid of the time I'd spent unconscious, afraid that he might have been thinking about right and wrong again while he watched me sleep. **

"No, I usually just thought about how beautiful you looked when you slept," Edward said. Esme beamed at her son.

**The anxiety seemed to ratchet up the intensity of the pounding in my head. Edward was waiting for me at school, as usual, but his face was still wrong. There was something buried in his eyes that I couldn't be sure of-and it scared me. I didn't want to bring up last night, but I wasn't sure if avoiding the subject would be worse.**

"No, if you brought it up, he probably would have run away, honestly," said Carlisle. Edward nodded, glumly.

**He opened the door for me. 'How do you feel?' 'Perfect,' I lied, cringing as the sound of the slamming door echoed in my head. We walked in silence, he shortening his stride to march mine. There were so many questions I wanted to ask, but most of those questions would have to wait, because they were for Alice:**

"Always worrying about others first," Alice said smiling at me.

**How was Jasper this morning? What had Rosalie said? And most importantly, what could she see happening now in her strange, imperfect visions of the future?**

"Let's just say, I already knew what was going to happen. I saw the vision right after I went out to help Jasper. Trust me, Bella. I tried to do everything to stop it." I nodded, understanding how upset she must have felt.

**Could she guess what Edward was thinking, why he was so gloomy? Was there a foundation for the tenuous, instinctive fears that I couldn't seem shake? The morning passed slowly. I was impatient to see Alice, though I wouldn't be able to really talk to her with Edward there. Edward remained aloof. Occasionally he would ask about my arm, and I would lie.**

"No doubt, I knew you were lying," Edward said half smirking, half frowning. "You never were any good at lying."

**Alice usually beat us to lunch; she didn't have to keep pace with a sloth like me. But she wasn't at the table, waiting with a tray of food she wouldn't eat. Edward didn't say anything about her absence. I wondered to myself if her class was running late-until I saw Conner and Ben, who were in her fourth hour French class.**

"Do you blame me for not coming?" Alice asked me. I got up and gave her a huge sisterly hug, trying to comfort her.

'**Where's Alice?' I asked Edward anxiously. He looked at the granola bar he was slowly pulverizing between his fingertips while he answered.**

"Wait Edward, if you guys don't eat, why do you buy food?" Seth asked his friend.

"To make us look 'normal'," he said, using air quotes. Seth laughed at the idea of the Cullens being a 'normal' group.

'**She's with Jasper.' 'Is he okay?' 'He's gone away for a while.' 'What? Where?' Edward shrugged. 'Nowhere in particular.'**

"Yeah to hide, so I don't hurt anyone,' Jasper said, looking at his feet.

"It's ok, Uncle Jasper," said Nessie. "We all still love you." Jasper tried to smile at her, but it didn't work well.

'**And Alice, too,' I said with quiet desperation. Of course, if Jasper needed her, she would go. 'Yes. She'll be gone for a while. She was trying to convince him to go to Denali.' Denali was where the one other band of unique vampire-good ones like the Cullens-lived. Tanya and her family.**

"Ugh," said Edward, thinking of how Tanya used to behave around him.

"Hey, remember she accepts us," I reminded him. "She seemed honestly happy to meet me that first time at the wedding reception.

"Yeah, surprisingly so," Edward said, lighting up.

**Edward had run to them last winter when my arrival had made Forks difficult for him. Laurent, the most civilized member of James' little coven, had gone there rather than siding with James against the Cullens.**

"Yeah, that didn't last long," Carlisle commented. "But thanks to Jake, our Bella here was safe in our absence." Jake beamed at him.

**It made sense for Alice to encourage Jasper to go there. I swallowed, trying to dislodge the sudden lump in my throat. The guilt made my head bow and my shoulders slump. I'd run them out of their home, just like Rosalie and Emmett. I was a plague.**

'You're not a plague, dear," said Esme in a comforting voice. "You were family to us, from the moment that Edward first brought you home to meet us."

'**Is your arm bothering you?' he asked solicitously. 'Who cares about my stupid arm?' I muttered in disgust.**

"We all did," said every one of the Cullens. I blushed, or at least I would have, if I could.

**He didn't answer, and I put my head on the table. By the end of the day, the silence was becoming ridiculous. I didn't want to be the one to break it, but apparently that was my only choice if I ever wanted him to talk to me again. 'You'll come over later tonight?' I asked as he walked me-silently-to my truck. He always came over. 'Later?' It pleased me that he seemed surprised.**

"Why?"

"Because, at that point, I didn't know what to expect at all."

"Oh."

'**I have to work. I had to trade with Mrs. Newton to get yesterday off.' 'Oh.' he muttered. 'So you'll come over when I'm home, though, right?' I hated that I felt suddenly unsure about this. 'If you want me to.'**

"Did you really even have to ask? Don't I always?"

'**I always want you,' I reminded him, with perhaps a little more intensity than the conversation required. I expected he would laugh, or smile, or react somehow to my words.**

"I was too upset at that point to feel anything." 'I know,' I mouthed to him.

'**All right then, he said indifferently. He kissed my forehead again before he shut the door on me. Then he turned his back and loped gracefully toward his car. I was able to drive out of the parking lot before the panic really hit, but I was hyperventilating by the time I got to Newton's.**

I paused for minute, to catch a breath, so to speak. I could feel myself getting pretty upset. I took a breath, looked around, saw that everyone felt pretty similar, and continued.

**He just needed time, I told myself. He would get over this. Maybe he was sad because his family was disappearing.**

"I was sad because I knew I would be soon as well. At that point, I tried to avoid the obvious. But I knew it was inevitable. It was the only way to keep you safe." We stayed quiet for a few moments.

**But Alice and Jasper would come back soon, and Rosalie and Emmett****, too. If it would help, I would stay away from the big white house on the river-I'd never set foot there again.**

"Ironic isn't it, little sis?" Emmett said smiling. "Look where we are right now. Not in your cottage. At the main house." We all laughed.

**That didn't matter. I'd still see Alice at school. She would have to come back for school, right? And she was at my place all the time anyway.**

"And remember who was the one who first came back after finding out about the cliff diving," Alice said smiling at me. I smiled back.

"Yeah, and ruined an almost kiss between myself and _Bella_," Jacob commented.

"Actually, _Jacob_, it was me who stopped you from kissing me," I commented back. Edward beamed at me.

**She wouldn't want to hurt Charlie's feelings by staying away. No doubt I would also run into Carlisle with regularity-in the emergency room. After all, what had happened last night was nothing. Nothing **_**had **_**happened.**

"I wish," Jasper muttered quietly.

**So I fell down-that was the story of my life. Compared to last spring, it seemed especially unimportant. James had left me broken and nearly dead from loss of blood-and yet Edward handled the interminable weeks in the hospital **_**much**_** better than this.**

"Yeah, well. At least James wasn't family." Jasper frowned at him. Edward responded, "Listen, I know it was difficult on all of us, but look at it from my point of view.

"It's ok, bro. I screwed up. There's nothing around it." Edward got up and gave Jasper a brotherly hug.

**Was it because, this time, it wasn't an enemy he'd had to protect me from? Because it was his brother?**

"Look above," Emmett said laughing.

**Maybe it would be better if he took me away, rather than his family being scattered. I grew slightly less depressed as I considered all the uninterrupted alone time. If he could just last through the school year, Charlie wouldn't be able to object. We would be able to go away to college, or pretend that's what we were doing, like Rosalie and Emmett this year.**

"Well Isle Esme changed that," said Edward, smiling at me, then at our beautiful daughter.

**Surely Edward could wait a year. What was a year to an immortal? It didn't even seem like that much to me.**

"It's longer than you think," commented Carlisle. "We don't sleep, we hide, it's pretty boring on days that there isn't school or work."

**I was able to talk myself into enough composure to handle getting out of the truck and walking to the store. Mike Newton had beaten me here today, and he smiled and waved when I came in. I grabbed my vest, nodding vaguely in his direction. I was still imagining pleasant scenarios that consisted of me running away with Edward to various exotic locations.**

"Yeah, but if you did that, you wouldn't have become really close friends with me," said Jake smiling at me with his goofy grin.

"Well then, sometimes I wish I did to that," said Edward smirking back at Jake, who wiped the smile off his face.

"Enough boys," Esme said.

**Mike interrupted my fantasy. 'How was your birthday?' 'Ugh,' I mumbled. 'I'm glad it's over.'**

"Me too," said everyone in the room. It went silent for a few seconds, before I started reading again.

**Mike looked at me from the corners of his eyes like I was crazy.**

"Well sis, you are crazy, but that's what we love about you," Emmett said to me, with a giant grin as usual.

**Work dragged. I wanted to see Edward again, praying that he would be past the worst of this, whatever it was exactly, by the time I saw him again. It's nothing, I told myself over and over, again. Everything will be back to normal.**

I was about to break into tears. Everyone saw this and, next thing I knew it, I was crushed in a group bear hug between 7 vampires, 2 werewolves, and 1 oversized, overly mature baby. "This probably won't be the only time this chapter it will happen."

"Better get Hagrid's tissue box," said Emmett. We laughed and relaxed

"Emmett, you read wayyyyy too much Harry Potter," said Edward, laughing. _(k guys I'm sure many people will hate the fact I added in Harry Potter, but I am a fan of both, and I thought that comment would fit perfectly. Please tell me what you think of that comment.)_

**The relief I felt when I turned when I turned onto my street and saw Edward's silver car parked in front of my house was an overwhelming, heady thing. And it bothered me deeply that it should be that way. I hurried through the front door, calling out before I was completely inside. 'Dad? Edward?' As I spoke, I could hear the distinctive theme music from ESPN's SportsCenter coming from the living room.**

"Well I didn't want to make it seem like anything was wrong. Charlie had enough to worry about, between your well-being, and the fact that the wolves were starting to get noticed." Seth and Jacob growled.

'**In here,' Charlie called. I hung my raincoat on its peg and hurried around the corner. Edward was in the armchair, my father on the sofa. Both had their eyes trained on the TV. The focus was normal for my father. Not so much for Edward. 'Hi,' I said weakly. 'Hey, Bella,' my father answered, eyes never moving. 'We just had cold pizza. I think it's still on the table.'**

"Yeah he ate it, and I hid it in my napkin," Edward commented, laughing.

'**Okay.' I waited in the doorway. Finally, Edward looked over at me with a polite smile. 'I'll be right behind you, he promised. His eyes strayed back to the TV. I stared for another minute, shocked. Neither one seemed to notice. I could feel something, panic maybe, building up in my chest. **

"Trust me, I noticed," Edward said, comforting me.

**I escaped to the kitchen. The pizza held no interest for me. I sat in my chair, pulled my knees up, and wrapped my arms around them. Something was very wrong, maybe more wrong than I'd realized. The sounds of male bonding and banter continued from the TV set. I tried to get control of myself, to reason with myself. **_**What's the worst that can happen**_**? I flinched. That was definitely that wrong question to ask. I was having a hard time breathing right.**

"Yup, noticed that too," Edward said, now laughing. "I may not be able to read your mind, but sometimes the signs are right in front of me."

_**Okay**_**, I thought again, **_**What's the worst that I can live through**_**?**

I shut up for a moment, letting everyone refocus, because I knew that was a pretty difficult statement, not only for myself, but for everyone else as well. Jasper, who doesn't show emotions too often, looked like he was about to cry. Alice was doing a hell of a job comforting him.

**I didn't like that question so much, either. But I thought through the possibilities I'd considered today. Staying away from Edward's family. Of course, he wouldn't expect Alice to be part of that. But if Jasper was off limits, that would lessen the time I could have with her. I nodded to myself-I could live with that.**

"If only," Alice commented, directing it at her brother. Edward stayed silent, sobbing silent, invisible vampire tears. Trust me, if he could cry, he would be right now. Heck, we all would have.

**Or going away. Maybe he wouldn't want to wait till the end of the school year, maybe it would have to be now.**

"Ding ding ding!" Emmett said laughing. "Now Alice open the door, and let's see what she has won." Alice pretended to open the door.

"It's an all paid trip to Isle Esme, while we baby-sit Nessie." Everyone cheered, while Edward and I cracked up laughing. Clearly, it was try to cheer us up, even if the comment was true. And it did. :-D

**In front of me, on the table, my presents from Charlie and Renee were where I had left them, the camera I hadn't had the chance to use at the Cullen's sitting beside the album. I touched the pretty cover of the scrapbook my mother had given me, and sighed, thinking of Renee. Somehow living without her for as long I had did not make the idea of a more permanent separation easier. And Charlie would be left all alone here, abandoned. They would both be so hurt…**

"Wow, you didn't even consider the thought of me leaving huh?" I shook my head no at him. He pulled me closer and cuddled me as I continued.

**But we'd come back, right? We'd visit, of course, wouldn't we? I couldn't be certain about the answer to that. I leaned my cheek against my knee, staring at the physical tokens of my parents' love. I'd known this path I'd chosen was going to be hard. And, after all, I was thinking about the worst-case-scenario-the very worst I could live through.**

"I think we all know what that scenario is," Jasper said. It got silent.

**I touched the scrapbook again, flipping the front cover over. Little metal corners were already in place to hold the first picture. It wasn't a half-bad idea, to make some record of my life here. I felt a strange urge to get started. Maybe I didn't have that left in Forks.**

"Well, not as a human. Exactly one year later," I said laughing.

**I toyed with the wrist strap on the camera, wondering about the first picture on the roll. Could it possibly turn out anything close to the original?**

"Stereotype!" shouted the Cullens.

"We come out just as beautiful as in real life," Rose said, playfully gloating. We laughed.

**I doubted it. But he didn't seem worried that it would be blank. I chuckled to myself, thinking of his carefree laughter last night. The chuckle died away. So much had changed, and so abruptly. It made me feel a little bit dizzy, like I was standing on an edge, a precipice somewhere much too high. I didn't want to think about that anymore.**

"Too bad that changed, too, when I left," Edward muttered. Boy, this was definitely starting to get awkward.

**My room hadn't really changed all that much in the seventeen years since my mother had been here.**

"Yeah I've noticed that too," Jacob commented. I remembered that he's been over there more often than I do.

**The walls were still light blue, the same yellowed lace curtains hung in front of the window. There was a bed, rather than a crib, but she would recognize the quilt draped untidily over the top-it had been a gift from Gran. Regardless, I snapped a picture of my room. There wasn't much else I could do tonight-it was too dark outside-and the feeling was growing stronger, it was almost a compulsion now. I could record everything about Forks before I had to leave it.**

"Now I wish I did take you with us. You were looking so much forward to going with us, that you didn't even realize the last option," Edward said thoughtfully. I just stayed quiet and let him rant on, before I started to read again.

**Change was coming. I could feel it. It wasn't a pleasant prospect, not when life was perfect the way it was. I took my time coming back down the stairs, camera in hand, trying to ignore the butterflies in my stomach as I thought of the strange distance I didn't want to see in Edward's eyes. He would get over this. Probably he was worried that I would be upset when he asked me to leave.**

"If only," I said, at the same time as Edward. We looked into each other's eyes deeply, and gave each other a huge hug. I knew this would definitely help me get through this rough chapter.

**I would let him work through it without meddling. And I would be prepared when he asked. I had the camera ready as I leaned around the corner, being sneaky. I was sure there was no chance that I had caught Edward by surprise, but he didn't look up. I felt a brief shiver as something icy twisted in my stomach; I ignored that and took the picture.**

"Nice, little sis!" Emmett said, giving me a high five. "I can imagine what their faces looked like," he continued, smirking at Edward. We all laughed.

**They both looked at me then. Charlie frowned. Edward's face was empty, expressionless. 'What are you doing, Bella?' Charlie complained. 'Oh, come on.' I pretended to smile as I went to sit on the floor in front of the sofa where Charlie lounged. 'You know Mom will be calling soon to ask if I'm using my presents.**

"Actually, Bella, your mom had already called, and I lied to her for you," Edward said smiling at me. I laughed.

**I have to get to work before she can get her feelings hurt.' 'Why are you taking pictures of me though?' he grumbled. 'Because you are so handsome,' I replied, keeping it light. 'And because, since you bought the camera, you're obligated to be one of my subjects.'**

Everyone burst out laughing, at the thought of me having _subjects_. I just glared at them evilly.

**He mumbled something unintelligible. 'Hey, Edward,' I said with admirable indifference. 'Take one of me and my dad together.' I threw the camera toward him, carefully avoiding his eyes, and knelt beside the arm of the sofa where Charlie's face was. Charlie sighed. 'You need to smile, Bella,' Edward murmured. I did my best, and the camera flashed. "let me take one of you kids,' Charlie suggested. I knew he was just trying to shift the camera's focus from himself.**

"Sounds like something you would do," Alice said smirking at me.

"Hold on!" I shouted, running out of the main house to the cottage. I grabbed something small from my night table. I came back, and took a photo of everyone sitting down. They all looked up angry for a second, and then we all laughed. "Alice gave me the idea," I said.

**Edward stood and lightly tossed him the camera. I went to stand beside Edward, and the arrangement felt formal and strange to me. He put one hand lightly on my shoulder, and I wrapped my arm more securely around his waist. I wanted to look at his face, but I was afraid to.**

"All you would have seen was a fake smile, with a LOT of pain behind it," Edward said to me, sadly. I gave him a hug.

'**Smile, Bella,' Charlie reminded me again. I took a deep breath and smiled. The flash blinded me. 'Enough pictures for tonight,' Charlie then said, shoving the camera into a crevice of the sofa cushions and rolling over it. 'You don't have to use the whole roll now.'**

"She didn't, but I did at the graduation party and wedding," Alice said, grinning at me.

**Edward dropped his hand from my shoulder and twisted casually out of my arm. He sat back down in the armchair. I hesitated, and then went to sit against the sofa again. I was suddenly so frightened that my hands were shaking.**

"You had every right to be scared," Jasper said, glumly. I looked at him with soft eyes, letting him know that I understood how he felt.

**I pressed them into my stomach to hide them, put my chin on my knees and stared at the TV screen in front of me, seeing nothing. When the show ended, I hadn't moved an inch. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward stand. 'I'd better get home,' he said. Charlie didn't look up from the commercial. 'See ya.' I got awkwardly to my feet-I was stiff from sitting so still-and followed Edward out the front door. He went straight to his car. 'Will you stay?' I asked, no hope in my voice.**

"Would you have stayed if you were in my position?" Edward asked me. I didn't respond, mainly because I had NO idea how to respond.

'**Not tonight.' I didn't ask for a reason. He got in his car and drove away while I stood there, unmoving. I barely noticed that it was raining.**

"I guess that's what you get for living in Forks now," I said laughing. "You don't even notice anymore, when it's raining, because it's so typical."

"Yeah, except these past few weeks," Jake commented. "Damn, it's been hot!!" (anyone hear about the extreme heat in the northwest????)

**I waited, without knowing what I was waiting for, until the door opened behind me. 'Bella, what are you doing?' Charlie asked, surprised to see me standing there alone and dripping. 'Nothing.' I turned and trudged back to the house. It was a long night, with little in the way of rest.**

"Well if this helps, I didn't get any sleep either," Edward said, trying to get me to smile. It worked.

**I got up as soon as there was a faint light outside my window. I dressed for school mechanically, waiting for the clouds to brighten.**

"Not going to happen," said Jake.

**When I had eaten a bowl of cereal, I decided that it was light enough for pictures. I took one of my truck, and then the front of the house. I turned and snapped a few of the forest by Charlie's house. Funny how it didn't seem sinister like it used to.**

"Hmm, I wonder what my have changed your mind about that," Edward said, smiling. I smiled back at him.

**I realized I would miss this-the green, the timelessness, the mystery of the woods. All of it. I put the camera in my school bag before I left. I tried to concentrate on my new project rather than the fact that Edward apparently hadn't gotten over things during the night. Along with the fear, I was beginning to feel impatience. It lasted through the morning. He walked silently beside me, never seeming to actually look at me.**

I stopped a minute to take a breath, because I could sort of sense the pain in the room, even if I didn't have the powers that Jasper has. It was getting quiet. Nessie put her hand to my cheek, and showed me that she felt sadness too, and wished everyone would cheer up.

**I tried to concentrate on my classes, but not even English could hold my attention. Mr. Berty had to repeat his question about Lady Capulet twice before I realized he was talking to me. Edward whispered the correct answer under his breath and then went back to ignoring me. At lunch, the silence continued. I felt like I was going to start screaming at my moment, so, to distract myself, I leaned across the table's invisible line and spoke to Jessica.**

"You spoke to Jessica???" Emmett said with amazement in his voice. I laughed, because I knew that even though she was self-conceited, what I was about to ask her made sense.

'**Hey, Jess?' 'What's up, Bella?' 'Could you do me a favor?' I asked, reaching into my bag. 'My mom wants me to get some pictures of my friends for a scrapbook. So, take some pictures of everybody, okay?'**

"Wow, we actually found a good use for Jessica," Jasper said. We all burst out laughing.

**I handed her the camera. 'Sure,' she said, grinning, and turned to snap a candid shot of Mike with his mouth full.**

We laughed even harder, picturing what that must look like. All of a sudden, Renesmee went around and put her hand to their cheeks. One by one, everyone started laughing. She came to me, and did the same thing. The memory was one of Jacob, shoving food in his mouth at bear-sized bites. I joined in in the laughter. I took a photo of everyone dying laughing, and they all shut up.

**A predictable picture war ensued. I watched them hand the camera around the table, giggling and flirting and complaining about being on film. It seemed strangely childish. Maybe I wasn't in the mood for normal human behavior today. 'Uh-oh,' Jessica said apologetically as she returned the camera. 'I think we used all your film.' **

"I have got to see that roll of film sometime," said Jake. Everyone agreed.

"It's upstairs. I'll bring it down after the chapter." Everyone groaned impatiently. Until…

"More! More!" Nessie said, jumping up and down in my lap, pointing to the book. We all laughed and relaxed.

'**That's ok. I think I already got pictures of everything else I needed.' After school, Edward walked me back to the parking lot in silence. I had to work again, and for once, I was glad. Time with me obviously wasn't helping things. Maybe time alone would be better. I dropped my film off at the Thriftway on my way to Newton's, and then picked up the developed pictures after work. At home, I said a brief hi to Charlie, grabbed a granola bar from the kitchen, and hurried up to my room with the envelope of photographs tucked under my arm.**

"I hope you got to see _certain_ photos before the _EVENT_ happened," Edward said quietly. I comforted him. "Wait and see."

**I sat in the middle of my bed and opened the envelope with wary curiosity. Ridiculously, I still half expected the first print to be blank. When I pulled it out, I gasped aloud. Edward looked just as beautiful as he did in real life, staring at me out of the picture with the warm eyes I'd missed for the past few days.**

"Stereotype," Esme said. "Of course we come out in photos. That only doesn't happen in movies, just like sleeping of coffins and not coming out in the day,"

"So I've noticed," I said smiling.

**It was almost uncanny that anyone could look so…so…beyond description. No thousand words could equal this picture.**

"I know someone else who does," Edward said smiling at myself and our perfect child.

**I flipped through the rest of the stack quickly once, and then laid three of them out on the bed side by side. The first was the picture of Edward in the kitchen, his warm eyes touched with tolerant amusement. The second was Edward and Charlie, watching ESPN. The difference in Edward's expression was severe. His eyes were careful here, reserved.**

"At that point, I knew what I had to do. And now that I look back at it, it was the worst mistake I ever made." I gave him a big hug and a soothing kiss, as a reminder that after all of this, I'm still here. He half-smiled.

**Still breathtakingly beautiful, but his face was colder, more like a sculpture, less alive. The last was the picture of Edward and me standing awkwardly side by side. Edward's face was the same as the last, cold and statue-like. But that wasn't the most troubling part of this photograph. The contrast between the two of us was painful. He looked like a god.**

"Well you don't have to worry about that anymore, do you?" Alice said, grinning everyone's favorite giant grin.

"Well, I, uh, but, uh, well," I stuttered. I gave up. I knew she would win this one again, and Edward would agree.

**I looked very average, even for a human, almost shamefully plain. I flipped the picture over with a feeling of disgust. Instead of doing my homework, I stayed up to put my pictures into the album. With a ballpoint pen I scrawled captions under all the pictures, the names and the dates. I got to the point of Edward and me, without looking at it too long. I folded it in half and stuck in under the metal tab, Edward-side up.**

"Good ol' Bella," Emmett said laughing. We just looked at him confused. Sometimes, we really had no idea what was going on in that man's head. Edward looked in and still was confused. More like, good ol' Emmett.

**When I was done, I stuffed the second set of prints in a fresh envelope and penned a long thank-you letter to Renee. Edward still hadn't come over. I didn't want to admit that he was the reason I'd stayed up so late, but of course he was. I cried to remember the last time he'd stayed away like this, without an excuse, a phone call…He never had. Again, I didn't sleep well. School followed the silent, frustrating, terrifying pattern of the last two days.**

"I don't blame you for being so frustrated, but I couldn't do anything about it." Edward said. I nodded, unfortunately understanding.

**It was hard to even remember the reason for all this mess. My birthday already felt like the distant past. If only Alice would come back. Soon. Before this got any more out of control**

"Too late for that," Alice said, glaring at Edward.

**But I couldn't count on that. I decided that, if I couldn't talk to him today, really talk, then I was going to see Carlisle tomorrow. I had to do something. After school, Edward and I were going to talk it out, I promised myself. I wasn't accepting any excuses. He walked me to my truck, and I steeled myself to make my demands. 'Do you mind if I come over today?' he asked before we got to the truck, beating me to the punch.**

"Well, yeah, I was ready to talk, but it wasn't something that you were going to want to hear. That's why I stalled so badly." I mouthed to him 'I know.'

'**Of course not.' 'Now?' he asked again, opening my door for me. 'Sure,' I kept my voice even, though I didn't like the urgency in his tone. 'I was just going to drop a letter for Renee in the mailbox on the way. I'll meet you there.' He looked at the fat envelope on the passenger seat. Suddenly, he reached over me and snagged it. 'I'll do it,' he said quietly. 'And I'll still beat you there.'**

"Show off," I teased. He chuckled quietly.

**He smiled my favorite crooked smile, but it was wrong. It didn't reach his eyes. 'Okay,' I agreed, unable to smile back. He shut the door, and headed toward his car. He did beat me home. He was parked in Charlie's spot when I pulled up in front of the house. That was a bad sign. He didn't plan to stay, then. I shook my head and took a deep breath, trying to locate some courage. He got out of his car when I stepped out of the truck, and came to meet me. He reached to take my book bag from me. That was normal. But he shoved it back onto the seat. That was not normal. 'Come for a walk with me,' he suggested in an unemotional voice, taking his hand.**

I needed a break for a few minutes, because I knew it was coming very soon. I could feel the uncried tears in my mind, and all I wished was that they could see it. Jasper tried to calm me down, didn't work. Two minutes later, he tried again. This time it worked, and I took a deep breath and said.

"Well, here goes nothing." No response.

**DUN DUN DUN Cliffhanger**

**Next chapter is the second half of chapter 3, and you all know what that means. I won't post it until I have at least 6 reviews. So REVIEW!!!! (Plus, I have to write it, so it might not be immediate, but it will take less time. One last thing. I have a very special thank you to a new reviewer who I haven't thanked yet. She started reading it after last chapter got posted, and reviewed every chapter. And it was because of her that she got me to post this faster. So thank you so so much, MyMonkeyMan1221. And thank you to my regulars, my fav story ppl, and my subscribers. I needed you guys to get this chapter written and the next part of the chapter.**


	7. Chapter 7

**K GUYS HERE IT IS THE PART WE"RE ALL DREADING WISH ME LUCK ON TYPING THIS!!!!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters, although sometimes I wish I could own Edward. This great honor belongs to the amazing, wonderful Stephanie Meyer**

**Hands out tissue boxes to the fans**

Chapter 7, (chapter 3 part 2- the part we all dread)

After taking a long, long, long break, we came back to the story. "K guys who's ready for this?" No one responded. I took a deep breath and began again.

"**Come for a walk with me," he suggested in an unemotional voice, taking my hand. I didn't answer. I couldn't think of a way to protest, but I instantly knew that I wanted to. I didn't like this. **_**This is bad, this is very bad,**_** the voice in my head repeated again and again.**

"Agreed!" shouted Alice at Edward. Edward slinked down in the couch quietly.

**But he didn't wait for an answer. He pulled me along toward the east side of the yard, where the forest encroached. I followed unwillingly, trying to think through the panic. It was what I wanted, I reminded myself. The chance to talk it all through.**

"Well, that's not gonna happen!" Jake now shouted at Edward.

"Hey, Bells, can I go in the other room for this part?"

"No," I was about to say, but it came out of Carlisle's mouth. "You need to hear this, son, and you know that." I hugged him for support.

**So why was the panic choking me? We'd gone only a few steps into the trees when he stopped. We were barely on the trail-I could still see the house. Some walk. Edward leaned against a tree and stared at me, his expression unreadable. "Okay, let's talk," I said. **

"Are you sure about that?" asked Edward, glumly.

"Well, I thought the outcome was going to be very different."

**It sounded braver than it felt. He took a deep breath. "Bella, we're leaving." I took a deep breath, too. This was an acceptable option. I thought I was prepared. But I still had to ask. "Why now? Another year-" "Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."**

"Can you imagine five years from now?" Seth asked snickering. "You still working at the hospital, acting thirty-nine, and you're about between 25-30, and people are gonna be like, what the fuck???" We all laughed.

**His answer confused me. I thought the point of leaving was to let his family live in peace. Why did we have to leave if they were going? I stared at him, trying to understand what he meant.**

"You seriously didn't have a clue what was going to happen?" Edward asked, very serious and curious and confused. I shook my head no.

"It was the only thing I would have never considered.

**He stared back coldly. With a roll of nausea, I realized I'd misunderstood. "When you say **_**we-**_**," I whispered.**

"Oh, you did figure it out after a while huh?" Jake said, now trying to comfort me but I refused it. I was too upset and just wanted to finish this miserable chapter.

"**I mean my family and myself." Each word separate and distinct. I shook my head back and forth mechanically, trying to clear it. He waited without any sign of impatience. It took a few minutes before I could speak. "Okay," I said. "I'll come with you." "You can't, Bella. Where we're going…It's not the right place for you."**

I took a long breath for a moment before continuing. (K so I did this because right now I'M BREAKING DOWN IN REAL LIFE!!!! So I thought it fit, thinking of how Bella's reacting on the inside)

"**Where you are is the right place for me." "I'm no good for you, Bella." "Don't be ridiculous." I wanted to sound angry, but it just sounded like I was begging. "You're the very best part of my life." "My world is not for you," he said grimly," he said grimly. "What happened with Jasper-that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!" "You're right," he agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected."**

"And that's why I forgave you so easily, Jazz," I said. "I knew that you couldn't do anything about it. Plus now I owe you everything for what you did in the fight against the newborns." He smiled at me.

"**You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay-" "As long as that was best for you," he interrupted to correct me. "**_**No!**_** This is about my soul, isn't it?" I shouted, furious, the words exploding out of me-somehow it still sounded like a plea. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you-it's yours already!"**

"And until Jake came along, she was like a lifeless soul," Seth commented.

"Thanks pal!" I joked with him.

**He took a deep breath and stared, unseemingly, at the ground for a long moment. His mouth twisted the tiniest bit. When he finally looked up, his eyes were different, harder-like the liquid gold had frozen solid. "Bella, I don't want you to come with me."**

"DID YOU SERIOUSLY SAY THAT?????????????" Alice asked in shock. "HOW COULD YOU DO THAT!!!" She went over and smacked Edward across the face. No one dared to argue, and it got real quiet. I held Edward, knowing what he wag going through, but secretly agreed with Alice. Aren't I glad my shield's up.

**He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying. There was a pause as I repeated the words in my head a few times, sifting through them for their real intent. "You…don't…want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order. "No."**

I knew it was time for another break. I looked around, to find every person in the room glaring at one person in particular. Finally, they see how I felt!!

"**No." I stared, uncomprehending, into his eyes. He stared back without apology. His eyes were like topaz-hard and clear and very deep. I felt like I could see into them for miles and miles, yet nowhere in their bottomless depths could I see a contradiction to the word he'd spoken. "Well, that changes things."**

"I can't believe you didn't fight back!" Rosalie said, shocked.

"I was too shocked to do anything logical," I said glumly.

**I was surprised by how calm and reasonable my voice sounded. It must be because I was so numb. I couldn't realize what he was telling me. It still didn't make any sense. He looked away into the trees as he spoke again. "Of course, I'll always love you…in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change.**

"Yeah, too bad that changed screwed her up more!" Jacob yelled at Edward. I could feel the tension building, so I continued to shut them up.

"**Because I'm…**_**tired **_**of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." He looked back, and the icy planes of his perfect face were **_**not**_** human. "I've let this go on for much too long, and I'm sorry for that." "Don't." My voice was just a whisper now; awareness was beginning to seep through me, trickling like acid through my veins. "Don't do this." He just stared at me, and I could see from his eyes that my words were far too late. H e already had.**

"Too bad, on the inside, it was the MOST painful thing I ever had to do. Trust me, I may have tried to hide it on the outside, but on the inside, it was miserable."

"I don't care!" shoutedJacob. "When you left, I was the one who had to pick up the broken pieces. Do you know how difficult it was to see my best friend go through this???" Edward stayed quiet.

"**You're no good for me, Bella." He turned his earlier words around, and so I had no argument. How well I knew that I wasn't good enough for him. I opened my mouth to say something, and then closed it again. He waited patiently, his face wipe clean of all emotion. I tried again. "If…that's what you want." He nodded once. My whole body went numb. I couldn't feel anything below the neck. "I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," he said. I wonder what he saw on my face, because something flickered across his own face in response.**

"I saw pain, agony, and almost a revenge kind of feeling in you, so I knew what I had to say."

**But, before I could identify it, he'd composed his features into the same serene mask. "Anything," I vowed, my voice faintly stronger. As I watched, his frozen eyes melted. The gold became liquid again, molten, burning down into mine with an intensity that was overwhelming. "Don't do anything reckless or stupid," he ordered no longer detached.**

Jacob burst out laughing. "Does that include becoming friends with a werewolf, driving motorcycles, and cliff diving?" he asked between laughs. Seth and I joined in the laughter while Edward growled.

"**Do you understand what I'm saying?" I nodded helplessly. His eyes cooled, the distance returned. "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself-for him. I nodded again. "I will," I whispered. He seemed to relax just a little.**

"Well that didn't work out too well either," I said. "A few months later, he was ready to send me back to Renee's!!"

"**And I'll make you a promise in return," he said. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll ever see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interferences from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."**

silence

Silence

Finally, we heard a earth shattering cry. It was coming from Renesmee. "Why would you do that, daddy?"

"Well, it was a difficult time for me, hon, but now we're a great big happy family." Renesmee looked at him for a minute and put her hand to his cheek.

"What do you see?"

"She forgives me," Edward said, smiling.

**My knees must have started to shake, because the trees were suddenly wobbling. I could hear the blood pounding faster than normal behind my ears. His voice sounded farther away. He smiled gently. "Don't worry. You're human-your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind.**

"Not when I was in this much pain," I said, glumly. Edward squeezed me tightly into a hug, which we held for what felt like forever, until Emmett cleared his throat. "Sorry," I said, embarrassed.

"**And your memories?" I asked. It sounded like there was something stuck in my throat, like I was choking. "Well"-he hesitated for a short second-"I won't forget. But **_**my**_** kind…we're very easily distracted."**

"PUHLEEZ!!!" Alice said, making sure to enunciate each letter in the word. "The only thing that distracted you from your depression was when you thought about Bella!" Edward looked at his lap, ashamed.

**He smiled; the smile was tranquil and it did not touch his eyes. He took a step away from me. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again." The plural caught my attention. That surprised me. I would have thought I was beyond noticing anything. "Alice isn't coming back," I realized.**

"And again, I am so utterly sorry about that. Because my dumbass brother had the idea that it would be better for you that way!" I got up and hugged Alice, before sitting back down.

**I don't know how he heard me-the words made no sound-but he seemed to understand. He shook his head slowly, always watching my face. "No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye. "Alice is gone?" My voice was blank with disbelief. "She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."**

"Yeah, and you basically took my best friend away from me!" Alice shouted, now at the point that old windows would be breaking.

**I was dizzy; it was hard to concentrate. His words swirled around in my head, and I heard the doctor at the hospital in Phoenix, last spring, as he showed me the X-rays. **_**you can see it's a clean break,**_** his finger traced along the pictures of my severed bone. **_**That's good. It will heal more easily, more quickly**_**. I tried to breathe normally. I needed to concentrate, to find a way out of this nightmare. "Goodbye, Bella," he said in the same quiet, peaceful voice. "Wait!" I choked out the word reaching for him, willing my deadened legs to carry me forward. I thought he was reaching for me, too. But his cold hands locked around my wrists and pinned them to my sides. He leaned down, and pressed his lips very lightly to my forehead for the briefest instant. My eyes closed. "Take care of yourself," he breathed cool against my skin.**

I stopped, knowing I couldn't take anymore. Carlisle saw this and said, "Why don't we take a break for a couple of hours before we read it again. I think we all need it." I looked around, to find everyone's faces with the same upset reaction. I felt horrible for Jasper, because no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't calm the entire room down. (Author blows nose into tissue)

**A FEW HOURS LATER**

"K guys, I think I'm ready now," I said, after waking Renesmee from her nap.

**There was a light, unnatural breeze. My eyes flashed open. The leaves on a small vine maple shuddered with the gentle wind of his passage. He was gone. With shaky legs, ignoring the fact that my action was useless, I followed him into the forest. The evidence of his path had disappeared instantly. There were no footprints, the leaves were still again, but I walked forward without thinking. I could not do anything else. I had to keep moving. If I stopped looking for him, it was over.**

"I'm just glad that I was saved, or else I probably would have let myself go in a couple more hours." Edward stared at me, shocked. "No joke, that's how upset I was. I was ready to give it all up. You should know how that feels." He nodded quietly.

**Love, life, meaning…over. I walked and walked. Time made no sense as I pushed slowly through the thick undergrowth. It was hours passing, but also only seconds. Maybe it felt like time had frozen because the forest looked the same no matter how far I went. I started to worry that I was traveling in a circle, a very small circle at that, but I kept going. I stumbled often, and, as it grew darker and darker, I fell often, too.**

"I bet you don't miss that part of being a human," Emmett said, grinning wildly at me. I laughed, agreeing.

**Finally, I tripped over something-it was black now, I had no idea what caught my foot-and I stayed down. I rolled onto my side, so that I could breathe, and curled up on the wet bracken. As I lay there, I had a feeling that more time was passing than I realized. I couldn't remember how long it had been since nightfall. Was it always so dark here at night?**

"Err, Bella, that's why they call it nighttime," Alice said laughing. "Oh, haha, very funny."

**Surely, as a rule, some little bit of moonlight would filter down through the clouds, through the chinks in the canopy of trees, and find the ground. Not tonight. Tonight the sky was utterly black. Perhaps there was no moon tonight-a lunar eclipse, a new moon.**

"Ahh, so that's why it's called new moon," Emmett said, dumbly. I laughed. Edward responded with, "no, if you look at the front of the book, you can see a feather. Like the winds of change. New moon is a new start. But not always a good thing," he said looking sad.

**A new moon. I shivered, though I wasn't cold. It was black for a long time before I heard them calling.**

"No surprise," Jacob said. "After all, your father is the chief of police for Forks. So of course they are going to come looking for you."

**Someone was shouting my name. It was muted, muffled by the wet growth that surrounded me, but it was definitely my name. I didn't recognize the voice.**

"Was it one of the wolves on patrol?" Seth asked, curiously. "Just wait and see," I said, knowing the answer.

**I thought about answering, but I was dazed, and it took a long time to come to the conclusion that I **_**should**_** answer. By then, the calling had stopped. Sometime later, the rain woke me up. I don't think I'd really fallen asleep; I was just lost in an unthinking stupor, holding with all my strength to the numbness that kept me from realizing what I didn't want to know.**

"You can thank me for pulling her out of that stupor," Jacob said proudly. Edward nodded once at him, as if to say, that's exactly what I was thinking of doing.

**The rain bothered me a little. It was cold. I unwrapped my arms from around my legs to cover my face. It was then that I heard the calling again. It was farther away this time, and sometimes it sounded like several voices were calling at once. I tried to breathe deeply. I remembered that I should answer, but I didn't think they would be able to hear me.**

"Well, if it was the wolves, they definitely would have heard you. Their hearing is as good as ours," Edward pointed out.

"I know that, but at that time, I didn't even know there was such a thing as werewolves."

"Good point."

**Would I be able to shout loud enough? Suddenly, there was another sound, startlingly close. A kind of snuffling, an animal sound. It sounded big. I wondered if I should feel afraid. I didn't-just numb. It didn't matter. The snuffling went away. The rain continued, and I could feel the water pooling up against my cheek. I was trying to gather the strength to turn my head when I saw the light. At first it was just a dim glow reflecting off the bushes in the distance. It grew brighter and brighter, illuminating a large space unlike the focused beam of a flashlight. **

"Must be Charlie or one of his men," Seth said. I shook my head. "Just wait for it. You will be very pleased with who it is." He looked at me confused, and I just put my finger to my mouth to shush him as I continued to read aloud.

**The light broke through the closest brush, and I could see that it was a propane lantern, but that was all I could see-the brightness blinded me for a moment. "Bella." The voice was deep and unfamiliar, but full of recognition. He wasn't calling my name to search, he was acknowledging that I was found. I stared up-impossibly high it seemed-at the dark face that I could now see above me.**

"Cut that, maybe it's a werewolf, but who?" Seth asked, now getting impatiently. Clearly Jake never told him how they found me that day.

**I was vaguely aware that the stranger probably only looked so tall because my head was still on the ground. "Have you been hurt?" I knew the words meant something, but I could only stare, bewildered. How could the meaning matter at this point? "Bella, my name is Sam Uley."**

"Hey did I just hear my name?" came a voice from right outside the house. We looked up to find Sam, Embry, and Quil standing on the porch.

"Hey guys, do you want to come in? We're reading _New Moon_."

"No way! You found a copy of it! I thought they weren't allowed to sell it around here, because then the real people would know the story of us." Sam said curiously.

"Yeah, well I found it in the bookstore in Port Angeles, so technically it wasn't out here… Wait a minute, you guys know of the book?" I asked, confused.

"Yeah, there are four books out there, and there's one movie that came out, and another on the way." We were in, to say the least, shocked.

"Well, anyway, we're running rounds, so that's why we're around here. And then I heard my name mentioned. So I'll see you around." We waved goodbye.

**There was nothing familiar to his name. "Charlie sent me to look for you." Charlie? That struck a chord, and I tried to pay more attention to what he was saying. Charlie mattered, if nothing else did. The tall man held out a hand. I gazed at it, not sure what I was supposed to do.**

"Hmm, let's think. Maybe take his HAND!!!!! After all, he was sent by Charlie to look for you." Edward said, making it sound like it was very obvious what I should have done.

**His black eyes appraised me for a second, and then he shrugged. In a quick and supple motion, he pulled me up from the ground and into his arms. I hung there, limp, as he loped swiftly through the wet forest. Some part of me knew this should upset me-being carried away by a stranger. But there was nothing left in me to upset. **

"Yeah, because my heart and soul were ripped out of my body when you left," I said to Edward, inching away from him, and feeling upset. He moved closer to let me know he still loved me with all his heart. I regrettably let him.

**It didn't seem like too much time passed before there were lights and the deep babble of many male voices.**

"Was that the pack at the time?" Seth asked. "I'm not sure because I wasn't a werewolf yet, but I would think it was," Jake said.

"Actually, I think it was the men in my dad's station," I responded.

**Sam Uley slowed as he approached the commotion. "I've got her!" he called in a booming voice. The babble ceased, and then picked up again with more intensity. A confusing swirl of faces moved over me. Sam's voice was the only one that made sense in the chaos, perhaps because my ear was against his chest. "No, I don't think she's hurt," he told someone. "She just keeps saying, 'He's gone.'"**

"Aww, poor Bella," Alice said. "If only a close friend was there to watch over her and comfort her," she said angrily.

**Was I saying that out loud? I bit down on my lip. "Bella, honey, are you all right?" That was one voice I know anywhere-even distorted as, as it was now, with worry.**

"Hmm, let's take a vote shall we," Jake said, laughing.

CHARLIE!! Came out of everyone's mouth. We all laughed.

"**Charlie?" My voice sounded strange and small. "I'm right here, baby." There was a shifting under me, followed by the leathery smell of my dad's sheriff jacket. Charlie staggered under my weight. "Maybe I should hold on to her," Sam Uley suggested.**

"Knowing Bella, she wouldn't have let someone she doesn't know or trust carry her home," thought Edward.

"Yes, but with Sam being a werewolf, he's a lot stronger," said Jake.

"Yeah but Bella didn't know that at the time." "Oh."

"**I've got her," Charlie said, a little breathless. He walked slowly, struggling. I wished I could tell him to put me down and let me walk, but I couldn't find my voice. There were lights everywhere, held by the crowd walking with him. It felt like a parade. Or a funeral procession.**

"With the state she was in, that statement is not very far off."

"**We're almost home now, honey," Charlie mumbled now and then. I opened my eyes again when I heard the door unlock. We were on the porch of our house, and the tall dark man named Sam was holding the door for Charlie, one arm extended toward us, as if he was preparing to catch me when Charlie's arms fell. But Charlie managed to get me through the door and to the couch in the living room. "Dad, I'm all wet," I objected feebly.**

Edward chuckled. "Figures. You just were rescued from yourself, and your worried about ruining the couch." Everyone chuckled a little.

"**That doesn't matter." His voice was gruff. And then he was talking to someone else. "Blankets are in the cupboard at the top of the stairs. "Bella?" a new voice asked. I looked at the gray-haired man leaning over me, and recognition came after a few slow seconds. **

"Wait a minute," said Carlisle. I think I knew where he was going with this. "Dr. Gerandy treated you?" I nodded. He smiled, remembering how long he's worked alongside Dr. Gerandy, and how good of a doctor his co-worker is.

"**Dr. Gerandy?" I mumbled. "That's right, dear," he said. "Are you hurt, Bella?" It took me a minute to think that through. I was confused by the memory of Sam Uley's similar question in the woods. Only Sam had asked something else: **_**Have you been hurt?**_** he'd said. The difference seemed significant somehow. Dr. Gerandy was waiting. One grizzled eyebrow rose, and the wrinkles on his forehead deepened. "I'm not hurt," I lied. The words were true enough for what he'd asked.**

"Yeah, not physically. However, emotionally, it's a whole different story," Edward said glumly.

**His warm hand touched my forehead, and his fingers pressed against the inside of my wrist. I watched his lips as he counted to himself, his eyes on his watch. "What happened to you?" he asked casually. I froze under his hand, tasting panic in the back of my throat. "Did you get lost in the wood?" he prodded.**

"If only," I said quietly.

**I was aware of several other people listening. Three tall men with dark faces-from La Push, the Quileute Indian reservation down on the coastline, I guessed-Sam Uley among them, were standing very close together and staring at me. Mr. Newton was there we Mike and Mr. Weber, Angela's father; they all were watching me more surreptitiously than the stranger.**

"Well, in the least, you had lots of people watching over and caring about you," Edward said, thankfully.

"But, do remember. That meant nothing to me. As long as I didn't have you, nothing matter."

**Other deep voices rumbled from the kitchen and outside the front door. Half the town must have been looking for me.**

A _WOW_ was heard from around the room. "Well, Bella, it's nice to have people that care for you," Carlisle said sincerely.

**Charlie was the closest. He leaned in to hear my answer. "Yes," I whispered. "I got lost." The doctor nodded, thoughtful, his fingers probing against the glands under my jaw. Charlie's face hardened. "Do you feel tired?" Dr. Gerandy asked.**

"Well, let's think about this shall we? I just got dumped by the love of my life, and feel lifeless? Might I feel tired?" Emmett joked. We laughed, but awkwardly, because of the meaning behind the joke.

"**I don't think there's anything wrong with her," I heard the doctor mutter to Charlie after a moment. "Just exhaustion. Let her sleep it off, and I'll come check on her tomorrow," he paused. He must have looked at his watch, because he added, "Well, later today actually. There was a creaking sound as they both pushed off from the couch to get to their feet. "Is it true?" Charlie whispered.**

"Yes it is true," said Emmett. We all glared at him. "I do sleep with stuffed animals." We all burst out laughing.

**Their voices were farther away now. I strained to hear. "Did they leave?" "Dr. Cullen asked us not to say anything," Dr. Gerandy answered. "The offer was very sudden; they had to choose immediately. Carlisle didn't want to make a big production out of leaving."**

"Yeah, you can blame my darling, lovely son for that one," Carlisle said, frowning at his son. Wow, we don't typically see Carlisle angry, clearly he meant business.

"**A little warning might have been nice," Charlie grumbled. Dr. Gerandy sounded uncomfortable when he replied. "Yes, well, in this situation, some warning might have been called for." I didn't want to listen anymore. I felt around for the edge of the quilt someone had laid on top of me, and pulled it over my ear.**

I saw out of the corner of my eye that Esme was looking at me with a lot of sympathy and sadness. I smiled a small smile at her, accepting her sympathy.

**I drafter in and out of alertness. I heard Charlie whisper thanks to the volunteers as, one by one, they left. I felt his fingers on my forehead, and then the weight of another blanket. The phone rang a few times, and he hurried to catch it before it could wake me. He muttered reassurances in a low voice to the callers. "Yeah, we found her. She's okay. She got lost. She's fine now," he said again and again.**

"Good old Bella, again," Alice said smiling. "You're supposed to be sleeping after the day that you had, and you're more worried about people on the phone." I let a little growl come out, but she knew it was a playful growl. She laughed.

**I heard the springs in the armchair groan when he settled himself in for the night. A few minutes later, the phone rang again. Charlie moaned as he struggled to his feet, and then he rushed, stumbling, to the kitchen. I pulled my head deeper under the blankets, not wanting to listen to the same conversation again. "Yeah," Charlie said, and yawned. His voice changed, it was much more alert when he spoke again. "Where?" There was a pause. "You're sure it's outside the reservation?" Another short pause. "But what could be burning out **_**there?**_**"**

"Hmm, I wonder what that could be," Jake said, smirking. Then we heard a pop, and looked at a russet colored wolf in front of us. Then we heard a big yelp/howl. We all laughed, except for Rose, (no shock there) and he changed back.

**He sounded both worried and mystified. "Look, I'll call down there and check it out." I listened with more interest as he punched in a number. "Hey, Billy, it's Charlie-sorry I'm calling so early…no, she's fine. She's sleeping…Thanks, but that's not why I called. I just got a call from Mrs. Stanley, and she says that from her second-story window she can see fires out on the sea cliffs, but I didn't really…Oh!" Suddenly there was an edge in his voice-irritation…or anger. "And why are they doing that? Uh huh. Really?" He said sarcastically.**

"HAHA!!!!" Seth said, suddenly. We all looked confused. Jake all of a sudden and laughed as well. I'm guessing it was an inside joke between the wolves. Anyway…

"**Well, don't apologize to **_**me.**_** Yeah, yeah. Just make sure the flames don't spread…I know, I know, I'm surprised they got them lit at all in this weather. Charlie hesitated, and then added grudgingly, "Thanks for sending Sam and the other boys up. You were right-they do know the forest better than we do.**

"It could be because we're werewolves!!!" Jake said, laughing.

"Yeah, but up until recently, he didn't know that. And it's your fault that he does!" I said. He shut up.

**It was Sam who found her, so I owe you one…Yeah, I'll talk to you later," he agreed, still sour, before hanging up. Charlie muttered something incoherent as he shuffled back to the living. "What's wrong?" I asked. He hurried to my side. "I'm sorry I woke you, honey."**

"Like she's been able to sleep at all since it happened," Jake said. "Trust me, you didn't wake her.

"**Is something burning?" "It's nothing, he assured me. "Just some bonfires out on the cliffs." "Bonfires?" I asked. My voice didn't sound curious. It sounded dead. Charlie frowned, "Some of the kids from the reservation being rowdy," he explained. I could tell he didn't want to answer. He looked at the floor under his knees. "They're celebrating the news."**

"Figures," said Carlisle, chuckling.

**His tone was bitter. There was only one piece of news I could think of, try as I might not to. And then the pieces snapped together. "Because the Cullens left," I whispered. "They don't like the Cullens in La Push-I'd forgotten about that."**

"Well too late for that," said Jake, laughing, thinking about Renesmee.

**The Quileutes had their superstitions about the "Cold ones," the blood-drinkers that were enemies to their tribe, just like they had their legends of the great flood and wolfmen ancestors.**

"All true," Jake said.

"Really?" I asked sarcastically. "Because I don't believe in them." We all laughed. "Even if you told me about that, and now I am a 'Cold one', and my best friend is a werewolf.. We laughed harder.

**Just stories, folklore, to most of them. Then there were the few that believed. Charlie's good friend Billy Black believed, though even Jacob, his own son, thought he was full of stupid superstitions. Billy had warned me to stay away from the Cullens…**

"Well that didn't work out too well, did it?" Edward said, smirking.

**The name stirred something inside me, something that began to claw its way toward the surface, something I knew I didn't want to face. "It's ridiculous," Charlie sputtered. We sat in silence for a moment. The sky was no longer black outside the window. Somewhere behind the rain, the sun was beginning to rise. "Bella?" Charlie asked. I looked at him uneasily. "He left you alone in the woods?" Charlie guessed. I deflected his question. "How did you know where to find me?"**

"I wrote a note to him, knowing that you would probably pass out before you made it home," Edward said.

**My mind shied away from the inevitable awareness that was coming, coming quickly now. "Your note," Charlie answered, surprised. He reached into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out a much-abused piece of paper. It was dirty and damp, with multiple creases from being opened and refolded many times. He unfolded it again, and held it up as evidence. The messy handwriting was remarkably close to my own. **

"Well, I needed it to be realistic, didn't I?" Edward said.

"You didn't have to write the note at all, if you would just have stayed," I responded with a retort. He shut up.

_**G**__**oing for a walk with Edward, up the path,**_** it said. **_**Back soon, B**_**. "When you didn't come back, I called the Cullens, and no one answered," Charlie said in a low voice. "Then I called the hospital, and Dr. Gerandy told me that Carlisle was gone." "Where did they go?" I mumbled. He stared at me. "Didn't Edward tell you?"**

"No," said Alice. "Instead, he left her depressed, in the blank, not knowing, and taking her best friend and boyfriend away from her!!!" Uh oh, Alice is shouting again, but none of us want to argue, because unfortunately, she is exactly right.

**I shook my head, recoiling. The sound of his name unleashed the thing that was clawing inside of me-a pain that knocked me breathless, astonished me with its force. Charlie eyed me doubtfully as he answered. "Carlisle took a job with a big hospital in Los Angeles. I guess they threw a lot of money at him." Sunny L.A. The last place they would really go.**

"Well that's true, but we needed to come up with a believable lie, so people wouldn't get suspicious," said Carlisle.

**I remembered my nightmare with the mirror…the bright sunlight shimmering off of his skin. Agony ripped through me with the memory of his face. "I want to know if Edward left you alone out there in the middle of the woods," Charlie insisted. His name sent another wave of torture through me. I shook his head, frantic, desperate to escape the pain. "It was my fault. He left me right here on the trail, in sight of the house…but I tried to follow him."**

"Wow, did you really think I was going to come back though?"

"Not really, but I had to give it a shot. I wasn't going to give in that easily, Edward. You know me." He nodded his head, sadly agreeing.

**Charlie started to say something; childishly, I covered my ears. "I can't talk about this anymore, Dad. I want to go to my room." Before he could answer, I scrambled up from the couch and lurched my way up the stairs. Someone had been in the house to leave a note for Charlie, a note that would lead him to find me. From the minute that I'd realized this, a horrible suspicion began to grow in my head. I rushed to my room, shutting and locking the door behind me before I ran to the CD player by my bed.**

"Oh, so that's how you figured out they were missing, but why didn't you ever think of looking in hidden spots in your room?"

"I was too depressed to do anything to tell the truth."

**Everything looked exactly the same as I'd left it. I pressed down on the top of the CD player. The latch unhooked, and the lid slowly swung open. It was empty. The album Renee had given me sat on the floor beside the bed, just where I'd put it last. I lifted the cover with a shaking hand.**

"What'd you seriously think?" Alice asked incredulously, "that Bella would actually forget about you???? Come on, it's like me forgetting Jasper or Rose forge…"

"I get it!" Edward shouted back at her. It got really quiet for a few seconds.

**I didn't have to flip any farther than the first page. The little metal corners no longer held a picture in place. The page was blank except for my own handwriting scrawled across the bottom: **_**Edward Cullen. Charlie's kitchen, Sept 13th**__**.**_

"Wow, I'm amazed you didn't use white out to wipe it out!!" Alice shouted.

**I stopped there. I was sure that he would have been very thorough. **_**It will be as if I'd never existed**_**, he'd promised. I felt the smooth wooden floor beneath my knees, and then the palms of my hands and then it was pressed against the skin of my cheek. I hoped that I was fainting, but, to my disappointment, I didn't lose consciousness. The waves of pain that had only lapped at me before now reared high up and washed over my head, pulling me under. I did not resurface.**

**October**

**November**

**December**

**January**

"Wait, what's with the months?" asked Rose.

"That was when I was basically a walking zombie," I responded.

**WOW I FINISHED THE STINKIN CHAPTER!!!! Wow I asked for 6 review and got more than 10. You guys are amazing. And I will start writing as soon as possible on the next chapter.**


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters, although sometimes I wish I could own Edward. This great honor belongs to the amazing, wonderful Stephanie Meyer

**Hey guys, well now that the dreadful chapter is over, this is the longest chapter in the book, but after this the updates will probably come sooner. I'm siked to write this chapter, it's the first chapter where she hears Edward in her head. And wow the reviews are amazing, so many. My first criticism and I got through it. Plus I don't mind, because M4troth has been honest the whole time and has reviewed from the beginning. So keep reading and reviewing and see you next chapter.**

**Chapter 8 (Chapter 4 waking up)**

After a lot of hugging and invisible tears, we got back to reading the book again.

**Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.**

"Wow, that's really deep," Alice said to me.

"Well, now that you see how I felt that day, do you expect my emotions to be anything but that?" She shook her head.

**Charlie first came down on the table. "That's it, Bella! I'm sending you home."**

"Err, Charlie? Why did you say that? She lives with you?" Emmett said confused.

"Just watch and you'll understand," I said.

**I looked up from my cereal, which I was pondering rather than eating, and stared at Charlie in shock. I hadn't been following the conversation-actually, I hadn't been aware that we were having a conversation-and I wasn't sure what he meant. "I **_**am**_** home," I mumbled, confused. "I'm sending you to Renee, to Jacksonville," he clarified.**

"Yeah, that didn't work out to well either," Jake said smiling from ear to ear. I laughed.

**Charlie watched with exasperation as I slowly grasped the meaning of his words. "What did I do?" I felt my face crumple. It was so unfair. My behavior had been above reproach for the past four months. After the first week, which neither of us ever mentioned, I hadn't missed a day of school or work.**

"Yeah, or else, you probably would have killed yourself," said Rose. I nodded, because if I stayed at home all day, I would have gone crazy to the point of suicidal.

"Well, that's why we have to give a huge thank you to Jake for all he did," Carlisle responded. Everyone nodded, agreeing.

**My grades were perfect. I never broke curfew-I never went anywhere from which to break curfew in the first place. I only very rarely served leftovers. Charlie was scowling. "You didn't **_**do**_** anything. That's the problem. You never do anything." "You want me to get into trouble?" I wondered, my eyebrows pulling together in mystification. I made an effort to pay attention.**

"You probably, looked dead to him at that point," Edward commented glumly.

**I was so used to tuning everything out, my ears stopped up. "Trouble would be better than this…this moping around all the time!"**

"As I said to Alice when she came back, what do you expect out of me? To be cheerful and happy and singing musicals??" I said, exasperated.

**That stung a bit. I'd been careful to avoid all forms of moroseness, moping included. "I am not moping around." "Wrong word," he grudgingly conceded. "Moping would be better-that would be doing **_**something. **_**You're just…lifeless, Bella. I think that's the word I want." "I'm sorry, Dad." My apology sounded a little flat, even to me. I'd that I'd been fooling him.**

"Trust me, when I saw what you looked like, no one would be fooled by your depression," Jake commented. I frowned.

**Keeping Charlie from suffering was the whole point of all this effort. How depressing to think that the effort had been wasted. "I don't want you to apologize." I sighed. "Then tell me what you do want me to do." "Bella," he hesitated, scrutinizing my reaction to his next words. "Honey, you're not the first person to go through this kind of thing, you know."**

"So what???" I shouted at the book. "To the person that it happens to, that saying says nothing!!" No one responded.

"**I know that." My accompanying grimace was limp and unimpressive. "Listen, honey, I think that-that maybe you need some help.**

Alice burst out laughing. "Right, let's go to the doctor and tell him that your vampire boyfriend left. Oh and don't forget the vampire part! And then what happens, she'll end up in the same place I was as human!" There was an uncomfortable silence filling the room, so I started to read again.

"**Help?" He paused, searching for the words again. "When your mother left," he began, frowning, "and took you with her." He inhaled deeply. "Well that was a really bad times for me." "I know, Dad," I mumbled. "But I handled it," he pointed it out.**

"If Charlie only knew at the time, he would have understood the difference," Esme said with an apologetic voice towards me.

**He stared at me and I looked down quickly. "I think we both know it's not getting better." "I'm fine." He ignored me. "Maybe, well, maybe if you talked to someone about it. A professional." "You want me to see a shrink?" My voice was a shade sharper as I realized what he was getting at.**

"Right, so I could end up like Alice, with no memory of anything in the past and having to only face what's going on," I said angrily at the book. Alice looked at me with understanding eyes.

"**Maybe it would help." "And maybe it wouldn't help one bit." I don't know much about psychoanalysis, but I was pretty sure that it didn't work unless the subject was relatively honest. Sure, I could tell the truth-if I wanted to spend the rest of my life in a padded cell.**

"Well, honestly, without Edward, my life was a padded cell, that I couldn't escape from." Jasper was helping everyone's emotions, but it wasn't doing much.

**He examined my obstinate expression, and switched to another line of attack. "It's beyond me, Bella. Maybe your mother-" "Look," I said in a flat voice. "I'll go out tonight, if you want. I'll call Jess or Angela."**

"Uh, oh…" I said, remembering what happens that night.

"What's up?" Jasper asked.

"You'll see, let's just say Edward will be disappointed.

"**That's not what I want," he argued, frustrated. "I don't think I can live through seeing you try **_**harder**_**. I've never seen anyone trying so hard. It hurts to watch." I pretended to be dense, looking down at the table. "I don't understand, Dad. First you're mad because I'm not doing anything, and then you say you don't want me to go out."**

"If you saw what he looked like around Billy and at work, you would understand," Jake said. "He was just as miserable, because he had to watch his own daughter go through hell, just like he did when your Mom left." I couldn't respond.

"**I want you to be happy-no, not even that much. I just want you not to be miserable. I think you'll have a better chance if you get out of Forks." My eyes flashed up with the first small spark of feeling I'd had in too long to contemplate.**

"Wow, you must have been a real bubble of joy to be around in those months," Alice said sarcastically. I glared at her.

"**I'm not leaving," I said. "Why not?" he demanded. "I'm in my last semester of school-it would screw everything up." "You're a good student-you'll figure it out." "I don't want to crowd Mom and Phil." "Your mother's been dying to have you back." "Florida is too hot."**

"BWAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!" Emmett laughed his ass off over the thought of me saying that. True if you look back almost a year before the book, I was dreading the cold weather in Forks!

**His fist came down on the table again. "We both know what's really going on here, Bella, and it's not good for you." He took a deep breath. "It's been months. No calls, no letters, no contact. You can't keep waiting for him."**

"It doesn't matter, we all know Bella," Alice said. "She can be in Australia, and she would still miss him.

**I glowered at him. The heat almost, he not quite, reached my face. It had been a long time since I'd blushed with any emotion. This whole subject was utterly forbidden, as he was well aware. I'm not waiting for anything. I don't expect anything," I said in a low monotone. "Bella-," Charlie began, his voice thick. "I have to get to school," I interrupted, standing up and yanking my untouched breakfast from the table. **

"Wow, so you were depressed, _and _not eating!!" Alice said, incredulously.

"Well, I ate a little," I replied. "It's not like I was becoming anorexic.

**I dumped my bowl into the sink without pausing to wash it out. I couldn't deal with any more conversation. "I'll make plans with Jessica," I called over my shoulder as I strapped on my school bag, not meeting his eyes. "Maybe I won't be home for dinner. We'll go to Port Angeles and watch a movie. I was out the front door before he could react. In my haste to get away from Charlie, I ended up being one of the first ones to school.**

Edward chuckled, "Aren't you always?"

**The plus side was that I got a really good parking spot. The downside was that I had free time on my hands, and I tried to avoid free time at all costs. Quickly, before I could start thinking about Charlie's accusations, I pulled out my Calculus book. I flipped it open to the section we should be starting today, and tried to make sense of it.**

"You are so a book nerd," Emmett teased me. I clonked him over the head.

**Reading math was even worse than listening to it, but I was getting better at it. In the last several months, I'd spent ten times the amount of time on Calculus than I'd ever spent on math before. As a result, I was managing to keep in the range of a low A. I knew Mr. Varner felt my improvement was all to his superior methods.**

"You're kidding me right?" Alice said, laughing. "Because I had him last year, and he's INCREDIBLY BORING!!!!" We all laughed.

**And if that made him happy, I wasn't going to burst his bubble. I forced myself to keep at it until the parking lot was full, and I ended up rushing to English. We were working on **_**Animal Farm**_**, an easy subject matter. I didn't mind communism; it was a welcome change from the exhausting romances that made up most of the curriculum.**

"That's hysterical! The person who was always obsessed with the romances like Wuthering Heights and Romeo and Juliet, now dreads it!" Edward said, laughing. I didn't join in the laughter.

"And what do you think the reason for that was?" He shut up.

**I settled into my seat, pleased by the distraction of Mr. Berty's lecture. Time moved easily while I was in school. The bell rang all too soon. I started repacking my bag. "Bella?" I recognized Mike's voice, and I knew what his next words would be before he said them.**

"Wait I remember this," Edward said smiling. "Are you working tomorrow?"

"**Are you working tomorrow?"**

We all laughed. "He is so predictable."

**I looked up. He was leaning across the aisle with an anxious expression. Every Friday he asked me the same question. Never mind that I hadn't taken so much as a sick day. Well, with one exception, months ago. But he had no reason to look at me with such concern. I was a model employee.**

"Well, there was a really good reason for that. It was because I had absolutely nothing better to do, and if I took time off, my mind would wander again."

"**Tomorrow is Saturday, isn't it?" I said. Having just had it pointed it out to me by Charlie, I realized how lifeless my voice really sounded. "Yeah, it is," he agreed. "See you in Spanish." He waved once before turning his back. He didn't bother walking me to class anymore. I trudged off to Calculus with a grim expression. This was the class where I sat next to Jessica. It had been weeks, maybe months, since Jess had even greeted me when I passed her in the hall.**

"And it was crappy, because she used to be so nice to all of us," Edward said, jokingly. I giggled.

**I knew I had offended her with my antisocial behavior, and she was sulking. It wasn't going to be easy to talk to her now-especially to ask her to do me a favor. I weighed my options carefully as I loitered outside the classroom, procrastinating. I wasn't about to face Charlie again without some kind of social interaction to report.**

"Oh, right, because Jessica is the perfect person for that," Rose said, laughing. I had to admit, this was starting to sound a little ridiculous!

**I knew I couldn't lie, though the thought of driving to Port Angeles and back alone-being sure my odometer reflected the corner mileage, just in case he checked-was very tempting. Jessica's mom was the biggest gossip in town, and Charlie was bound to run into Mrs. Stanley sooner rather than later. When he did, he would no doubt mention the trip. Lying was out. With a sigh, I shoved the door open. Mr. Varner gave me a dark look-he'd already started the lecture. I hurried to my seat. Jessica didn't look up as I sat next to her.**

"It would seem that Bella is hanging out tonight with the most annoying person on the planet," Emmett said laughing. "Alice, tell her what she has won." Uh oh, here we go again.

"She has won an all exclusive trip to Port Angeles, where there will be lots of gossip, annoying chatter, and Bella begging to go home the entire time!!" Everyone cheered for my prize. I groaned.

**I was glad that I had fifty minutes to mentally prepare myself. This class flew by even faster than English. A small part of that speed was due to my goody-goody preparation this morning in the truck-but mostly it stemmed from the fact that time always sped up when I was looking forward to something unpleasant. I grimaced when Mr. Varner dismissed the class five minutes early. He smiled like he was being nice.**

"Don't you just hate that?" I said. "When you are waiting excitedly for something to happen, it feels like it takes forever, but when you are dreading it, it shows up in your face!" Everyone nodded, agreeing.

"**Jess?" My nose wrinkled as I cringed, waiting for her to turn on me. She twisted in her seat to face me, eyeing me incredulously. "Are you talking to **_**me**_**, Bella?"**

"No, she's talking to the ghost standing behind you," said Rose.

"Well, with what Jessica thinks of me, I wouldn't be surprised if she thought that way," I said between giggles.

"**Of course." I widened my eyes to suggest innocence. "What? Do you need help with Calculus?" Her tone was a tad sour. "No." I shook my head. "Actually, I wanted to know if you would…go to the movies with me tonight? I really need a girls' night out." The words sounded stiff, like badly delivered lines, and she looked at me suspicious. "Why are you asking **_**me?" **_**she asked, still unfriendly.**

"You know what Bella," Edward said. "I would have asked you the same thing. What on earth were you thinking?" I shrugged my shoulders.

"**You're the first person I think of when I want girl time," I smiled, and I hoped the smile looked genuine. It was probably true.**

"I still don't understand why you didn't go for Angela instead. I mean, you barely get along with Jessica!" I shrugged my shoulders again, starting to wonder what on earth _was_ going on in my head at that moment.

**She was at least the first person I thought of when I wanted to avoid Charlie. It amounted to the same thing. She seemed a little mollified. "Well, I don't know." "Do you have plans?" "No…I guess I can go with you. What do you want to see?" "I'm not sure what's playing," I hedged. This was the tricky part. I racked my brain for a clue-hadn't I heard someone talk about a movie recently? Seen a poster? "How about that one with the female president?"**

"What am I going to do with you, Bella?" Alice asked, exasperatingly. "Do you know how long that movie was already out of the theatres? It was in the theatres when we were in town!!!"

"Yeah, because I was paying attention to anything at that point," I replied. Alice went to open her mouth, nothing came out, and she shut it again.

**She looked at me oddly. "Bella, that one's been out of the theater **_**forever**_**." "Oh." I frowned. "Is there anything you'd like to see?" Jessica natural bubbliness started to leak out in spite of herself as she thought out loud. "Well, there's that new romantic comedy that's getting great reviews.**

"Who wants to take bets that Bella is not going to want to see a romantic comedy!" Emmett exclaimed.

"You're on!" Edward exclaimed back. I stared at him incredulously. "Well, I know you love the romances, so it's worth a shot. Ok Em, I bet you your car for a week for my car that she does go to a romantic comedy." I shook my head in amazement as they put their car keys on the table.

"**I want to see that one. And my dad just saw **_**Dead End **_**and he really liked it." I grasped at the promising title.**

"Hey Eddie boy, the bet is starting to look good my way." Edward groaned.

"**What's that one about?" "Zombies or something. He said it was the scariest thing he'd seen in years. "That sounds perfect." I'd rather deal with real zombies than watch a romance.**

"Pay up," Emmett said, rubbing his thumb and pointer together. We laughed.

"**Okay." She seemed surprised by my response. I tried to remember if I liked scary movies, but I wasn't sure.**

"Wait a minute, Jake, isn't this the one where you started to change?" I asked Jake, worried.

"No, they haven't even mentioned us hanging out yet."

"Oh yeah," I replied. I then remembered what happened that night. Edward is going to be in for a big surprise.

"**Do you want me to pick you up after school?" she offered. "Sure." Jessica smiled at me with tentative friendliness before she left. My answering smile was just a little late, but I thought that she saw it. The rest of the day passed quickly, my thoughts focused on planning for tonight. I knew from experience that once I got Jessica talking, I would be able to get away with a few mumbled responses at the appropriate moments. Only minimal responses would be required.**

"Ahh, so that's why you invited her. You could go out, just like Charlie wanted, but still not have to interact that much," Jasper figured out. I nodded, now remembering that it was exactly the reason why I chose Jessica over Angela.

**The thick haze that blurred my days now was sometimes confusing. I was surprised when I found myself in my room, not clearly remembering the drive home from school or even opening the front door. But that didn't matter. Losing track of time was the most I asked from life.**

"And remember, the only reason I asked for that was because of you. I was trying so desperately to forget you. But as you know, that just made things worse." Edward quietly nodded and agreed.

**I didn't fight the haze as I turned to my closet. The numbness was more essential in some places than in others. I barely registered what I was looking at as I slid the door aside to reveal the pile of rubbish on the left side of my closet, under the clothes I never wore. My eyes did not stray toward the black garbage bag that held my present from that last birthday, did not see the shape of the stereo where it strained against the black plastic; I didn't think of the bloody mess my nails had been in when I'd finished clawing it out of the dashboard.**

"Real nice, Bella," Edward said. "The one gift I didn't take away from you, you get rid of anyway." I shrugged my shoulders, sheepishly.

**I yanked the old purse I rarely used off the nail it hung from, and shoved the door shut. Just then I heard a horn honking. I swiftly traded my wallet from my schoolbag into the purse. I was in a hurry, as if rushing would somehow make the night pass more quickly. I glanced at myself in the hall mirror before I opened the door, arranging my features carefully into a smile and trying to hold them there.**

"Yeah well, knowing you, Jessica could probably see right through that. Heck, anyone could," Alice said. I went to say something, but nothing came out, so I continued to read.

"**Thanks for coming with me tonight," I told Jess as I climbed into the passenger seat, trying to infuse my tone with gratitude. It had been a while since I'd really thought about what I was saying to anyone besides Charlie. Jess was harder. I wasn't sure which were the right emotions to fake.**

"Well, that doesn't really matter, because you can't hide your emotions very well," Jasper commented. "I should know."

"**Sure. So, what brought this on?" Jess wondered as she drove down my street. "Brought what on?" "Why did you suddenly decide…to go out?" It sounded like she changed her question halfway through. I shrugged. "Just need a change." I recognized the song on the radio then, and quickly reached for the dial. "Do you mind?" I asked.**

"Wait, let me guess before Jasper bets me again," Edward said. "Since you refuse to see a romance, I'm guessing the song on the radio was a love song." I nodded my head.

"**No, go ahead." I scanned through the stations until I found one that was harmless. I peeked at Jess' expression as the new music filled the car. Her eyes squinted. "Since when do you listen to rap?"**

Emmett laughed, "Apparently now my little sis is hip with the times."

I laughed back at him, "No, more like it's the only music on the radio that didn't have to do with romance or breakups." He shut up.

"**I don't know," I said. "A while." "You like this?" she asked doubtfully. "Sure." It would be much too hard to interact with Jessica normally if I had to work to tune out the music, too. I nodded my head, hoping I was in time with the beat. "Okay…" She stared out the windshield with wide eyes. "So what's up with you and Mike these days?" I added quickly. "You see him more than I do." The question hadn't started her talking like I'd hoped it would.**

"Wow, that's a talent," Alice said laughing. "Not getting Jess to talk is like not getting me to talk. It is quite the task." We all laughed.

"**It's hard to talk at work," I mumbled, and then I tried again. "Have you been going out with anyone lately?" "Not really. I go out with Conner sometimes. I went out with Eric two weeks ago."**

"Well, they both fit well together," Rose commented. "They are both the gossipers of the school." We all laughed.

**She rolled her eyes, and I sensed a long story. I clutched to the opportunity. "Eric **_**Yorkie?**_** Who asked how?" She groaned, getting more animated. "He did, of course! I couldn't think of a nice way to say no." "Where did he take you?" I demanded, knowing she would interpret my eagerness as interest.**

"Jessica Stanley always did seem like she was someone who was pretty easy to convince," Emmett said, chuckling. I agreed.

"Why do you think I chose her to go out with that evening?"

"**Tell me all about it." She launched into her tale, and I settled into my seat more comfortable now. I paid strict attention, murmuring in sympathy and gasping in horror as called for. When she was finished with her Eric story, she continued into a Conner comparison without any prodding. The movie was playing early, so Jess thought we should hit the twilight showing and eat later. I was happy to go along with whatever she wanted; after all, I was getting what I wanted-Charlie off my back.**

"And me off your mind for an evening," Edward commented. I nodded, definitely agreeing.

**I kept Jess talking through the previews, so I could ignore them more easily. But I got nervous when the movie started. A young couple was walking along a beach, swinging hands and discussing their mutual affection with gooey falseness. I resisted the urge to cover my ears and start humming. I had not bargained for a romance.**

"Dear, dear Bella," Alice said, laughing. "Even the nastiest, grimiest, biggest horror films have a plot." Everyone else giggled, while I growled.

"**I thought we picked the zombie movie," I hissed at Jessica. "This **_**is**_** the zombie movie." "Then why isn't anyone getting eaten?" I asked desperately. She looked at me with wide eyes that were almost alarmed. "I'm sure that part's coming," she whispered. "I'm getting popcorn. Do you want any?" "No, thanks." Someone shushed us from behind. I took my time at the concession counter, watching the clock and debating what percentage of a ninety-minute movie could be spent on romantic exposition.**

"Yeah, but the romances are the best!" Alice said, grinning at me.

I sent a retort back at her. "Yeah, that is, unless someone breaks your heart in pieces, and it hurts to see a loving couple anywhere you go!" She opened her mouth, and then shut it again. Clearly that got to her.

Then I heard her mutter something like, "stupid, idiotic, evil, horrible, best friend stealing, pain of a brother." I grinned at her.

**I decided ten minutes was more than enough, but I paused just inside the theater doors to be sure. I could hear horrified screams blaring from the speakers, so I knew I'd waited long enough. "You missed everything," Jess murmured when I slid back into my seat. "Almost everyone is a zombie now."**

"Wait a minute, we missed everything?" Edward said laughing. "It's a zombie movie! Of course everyone's going to get changed!"

"**Long line." I offered her some popcorn. She took a handful. The rest of the movie was comprised of gruesome zombie attacks and endless screaming from the handful of people left alive, their numbers dwindling quickly. **

"I bet if we were there, we could have killed and slayed them all," Emmett said, punching his fists together.

"My monkey man," Rose replied, smiling and wrapping his arm around his giant waist. We all laughed.

**I would have thought there was nothing in that to disturb me. But I felt uneasy, and I wasn't sure why at first. It wasn't until almost the very end, as I watched a haggard zombie shambling after the last shrieking survivor, that I realized what the problem was. The scene kept cutting between the horrified face of the heroine, and the dead, emotionless face of her pursuer, back and forth as it closed the distance. And I realized which one resembled me the most.**

I went silent for a moment, and felt really upset. Next thing I knew it, I felt my body calming down, and I looked over at Jasper with thankful eyes. He nodded as if to say 'No problem.'

**I stood up. "Where are you going? There's, like, two minutes left," Jess hissed. "I need a drink," I muttered as I raced for the exit.**

"Too bad the kind of drink you probably wanted, you're not allowed to have because you are underage," Edward said. Alice and Emmett snickered.

**I sat down on the bench outside the theater door and tried very hard not to think of the irony. But it was ironic, all things considered, that, in the end, I would wind up as a **_**zombie**_**. I hadn't seen that one coming.**

"Bella, darling, dear, at that point YOU WERE ALREADY A ZOMBIE," Jake said to me. I slinked down in my seat, not responding. Edward comforted me, and I was ready to read again.

**Not that I hadn't dreamed of becoming a mythical monster once-just never a grotesque, animated corpse. I shook my head to dislodge that train of thought, feeling panicky. I couldn't afford to think about what I'd once dreamed of. It was depressing to realize that I wasn't the heroine anymore, that my story was over.**

"Not anymore, thanks to a wonderful, beautiful, stylish, most awesome best friend ever," Alice bragged to me. I grinned back at her, laughing.

**Jessica came out of the theater doors and hesitated, probably wondering where the best place was to search for me. When she saw me, she looked relieved, but only for a moment. Then she looked irritated. "Was the movie too scary for you?" she wondered. "Yeah," I agreed. "I guess I'm just a coward."**

Edward scoffed, "Yeah right! If only she knew the real reason. Then the next day, everyone in school would know."

"**That's funny," She frowned. "I didn't think you **_**were**_** scared-I was screaming all the time, but I didn't hear you scream once. So I didn't know why you left." I shrugged. "Just scared." She relaxed a little. "That was the scariest movie I think I've ever seen. I'll bet we're going to have nightmares tonight." "No doubt about that," I said, trying to keep my voice normal.**

"Difference being, your nightmares aren't about zombies," Alice commented, as she glared at Edward. Uh oh, here we go again.

**It was inevitable that I would have nightmares, but they wouldn't be about zombies. Her eyes flashed to my face and away. Maybe I hadn't succeeded with the normal voice. "Where do you want to eat?" Jess asked. "I don't care." "Okay." Jess started talking about the male lead in the movie as we walked. I nodded as she gushed over his hotness, unable to remember seeing a non-zombie male at all.**

"Not that I was paying much attention to anything in the movie to begin with," I pointed out.

**I didn't watch where Jessica was leading me. I was only vaguely aware that it was dark and quieter now. It took me longer than it should have to realize why it was quiet. Jessica stopped babbling.**

All of a sudden, I stopped because I saw Alice go into a blank, focused stare. When she came out of it, all she said was, "Bella, how could you do that? You should have known better." We all stared at her, confused. She replied. "You will see what I mean in just a few seconds."

**I looked at her apologetically, hoping I hadn't hurt her feelings. Jessica wasn't looking at me. Her face was tense; she stared straight ahead and walked fast. As I watched, her eyes darted quickly to the right, across the road, and back again. I glanced around myself for the first time. We were on a short stretch of unlit sidewalk. The little shops lining the street were all locked up for the night, windows black.**

"Bella, how on earth do you always end up in these kinds of situations?" Edward asked, laughing. Clearly, he knew something was going to happen, but I wasn't ready to tell him what comes out of it. It's a good thing I know how to keep my shield up.

**Half a block ahead, the streetlights started up again, and I could see, farther down, the bright golden arches of the McDonald's she was heading for. Across the street there was one open business. The windows were covered from inside and there were neon signs, advertisements for different brands of beer, glowing in front of them.**

"Great, first you leave the girl, now she goes out to drink??" Emmett asked, incredulously.

"Not quite, Em, trust me, what happens isn't too much better though," Alice responded.

**The biggest sign, in brilliant green, was the name of the bar-One Eyed Pete's. I wondered if there was some pirate them not visible from outside. The metal door was propped open; it was dimly lit inside, and the low murmur of many voices and the sound of ice clinking in glasses floated across the street. Lounging against the wall beside the door were four men.**

"Wait let me guess," Edward said, half frowning. "Danger magnet alert?" Alice nodded.

**I glanced back at Jessica. Her eyes were fixed on the path ahead and she moved briskly. She didn't look frightened-just wary, trying to not attract attention to herself.**

Jasper laughed, "Well, that's a first." We all laughed with him.

**I paused without thinking, looking back at the four men with a strong sense of déjà vu. This was a different road, a different night, but the scene was so much the same. One of them was even short and dark. As I stopped and turned toward them, that one looked up in interest.**

"You have got to be kidding me, Bella."

"I told you that you would not be happy," Alice responded.

"Wait a minute, Alice, did you see beyond this moment?" I asked, horrified. She nodded, as if to say she knew exactly what moment I was thinking of. I slinked down in my chair, before continuing to read.

**I stared back at him, frozen on the sidewalk. "Bella?" Jess whispered. "What are you doing?" I shook my head, not sure myself. "I think I know them…" I muttered. What was I doing? I should be running from this memory as fast as I could, blocking the image of the four lounging men from my mind, protecting myself with the numbness I couldn't function without. Why was I stopping, dazed, into the street?**

"Because you were so insecure, that you felt like if you did this, that Edward might come back," Rose said. "Trust me, I know how you felt. Remember what I dealt with that night with Royce?" I nodded, agreeing. I bet she knows exactly how I felt at that moment.

**It seemed too coincidental that I should be in Port Angeles with Jessica, on a dark street even. My eyes focused on the short one, trying to match the features to my memory of the man who had threatened me that night almost a year ago. I wondered if there was any way I would recognize the man, if it was really him.**

"You shouldn't have been close enough to know if it was him or not!!" Edward exclaimed, angrily.

**That particular part of that particular evening was just a blur. My body remembered it better than my mind did; the tension in my legs as I tried to decide whether to run or to stand my ground, the dryness in my throat as I struggled to build a decent scream, the tight stretch of skin across my knuckles as I clenched my hands into fists, the chills on the back of my neck when the dark-haired man called me "sugar."…**

I felt a rush of cold air near me, and I turned my head to find Edward having chills. Wow, wasn't sure that was possible, but apparently it is. I'm sure he remembers that night real well. After all, that was the night that I finally revealed that I knew what he was, and he didn't exactly disagree.

**There was an indefinite, implied kind of menace to these men that had nothing to do with that other night. It sprung from the fact that they were strangers, and it was dark here, and they outnumbered us-nothing more specific than that. But it was enough that Jessica's voice cracked in panic as she called after me. "Bella, come **_**on**_**!" I ignored her, walking slowly forward without ever making the conscious decision to move my feet. I didn't understand why, but the nebulous threat the men presented drew me toward them.**

"Danger alert! Danger alert!" Emmett said, jokingly.

**It was a senseless impulse, but I hadn't felt **_**any**_** kind of impulse in so long…I followed it. Something unfamiliar beat through my veins. Adrenaline, I realized, long absent from my system, drumming my pulse faster and fighting against the lack of sensation. It was strange-why the adrenaline when there was no fear? It was almost as if there was an echo of the last time I'd stood like this, on a dark street in Port Angeles with strangers. I saw no reason for fear. I couldn't imagine anything in the world that there was left to be afraid of, not physically at least. One of the few advantages to losing everything.**

"Yeah, if I wasn't a vampire, I probably would have felt the same way physically. Problem was, it didn't come out that way because I am a monster," Edward said. I nodded, understandingly.

**I was halfway across the street when Jess caught up to me and grabbed my arm. "Bella! You can't go in a bar!" she hissed. "I'm not going in," I said absently, shaking her hand off. "I just want to see something…" "Are you crazy?" she whispered.**

"Well, that theory hasn't been tested yet, but from the looks of it, yes," Alice said, smirking. I got up and whacked her over the head with the book. She rubbed the spot where I hit her, even though we all know it doesn't hurt to hit a vampire. We all laughed.

"**Are you suicidal?" That question caught my attention, and my eyes focused on her. "No, I'm not." My voice sounded defensive, but it was true. I wasn't suicidal. Even in the beginning, when death unquestionably would have been a relief, I didn't consider it.**

"Well, that makes one of us," Edward said glumly, as I sat back down.

**I owed too much to Charlie. I felt too responsible for the Renee. I had to think of them. And I'd made a promise not to do anything stupid or reckless. For all those reasons, I was still breathing. Remembering that promise, I felt a twinge of guilt, but what I was doing right now didn't really count. It wasn't like I was taking a blade to my wrists. Jess's eyes were round, her mouth hung open. Her question about suicide had been rhetorical, I realized too late. "Go eat," I encouraged her, waving toward the fast food. I didn't like the way she looked at me. "I'll catch up in a minute."**

"You didn't seem to listen to my advice very well, missy," Edward said.

"Well, you didn't either. You're with me again, aren't you?" I retorted back at him. He shut up immediately.

**I turned away from her, back to the men who were watching us with amused, curious eyes. **

Before I read the next sentence, I took a deep, although unnecessary because I'm a vampire, breath, and looked at Alice for support. She nodded at me to continue. I took one more breath and began to read the inevitable.

"**Bella, stop this right now!" My muscles locked into place, froze me where I stood. Because it wasn't Jessica's voice that rebuked me now.**

"Wait, I thought you were only hanging out with Jessica," Edward commented. "I swear, if Mike was also there, I will…" I put my finger to his mouth and squeezed his lips together, and pointed to the book, showing him to just see what happens.

**It was a furious voice, a familiar voice, a beautiful voice-soft like velvet even though it was irate.**

"You have got to be kidding me!"

"How could you do that to her?"

"Why would you leave her so depressed that she starts hallucinating about you?"

Clearly, everyone was in shock.

"Great, now the girl is hallucinating," Alice commented. "Is it possible for you to have done any worse damage to my best friend???" Edward still looked confused. Apparently, he still was lost. Then he started to read everyone's minds, and looked back at me with a very, very shocked face.

**It was **_**his **_**voice-I was exceptionally careful not to think his name-and I was surprised that the sound of it did not knock me to my knees, did not curl me onto the pavement in a torture of loss. But there was no pain, none at all. In the instant that I heard his voice, everything was very clear. Like my head had suddenly surfaced out of some dark pool. I was more aware of everything-sight, sound, the feel of the cold air that I hadn't noticed was blowing sharply against my face, the smells coming from the open bar door.**

"Bella, how could you start to imagine that I was there? Didn't that hurt more?"

"Hey, it wasn't my fault that I somehow heard your voice in my head!! What'd you think, that I wanted to hear your voice after all you did to me?" I shouted back at him. No response.

**I looked around myself in shock. "Go back to Jessica," the lovely voice ordered, still angry. "You promised-nothing stupid."**

"Well, too late for that, Eddie boy," Jake said smiling. "Because, when you were gone, she not only went to a random bar, she also rode motorcycles, as well as cliff dived." Edward growled at him.

**I was alone. Jessica stood a few feet from me, staring at me with frightened eyes. Against the wall, the strangers watched, confused, wondering what I was doing, standing there motionless in the middle of the street.**

"I don't think I blame them," said Emmett laughing. "Can you imagine how strange that must look to a group of strangers?" No one responded or laughed, because it was pretty awkward moment, so I continued.

**I shook my head, trying to understand. I knew he wasn't there, and yet, he felt improbably close, close for the first time since…since the end. The anger in his voice was concern, the same anger that was once very familiar-something that I hadn't heard in what felt like a lifetime. "Keep your promise." The voice was slipping away, as if the volume was being turned down on the radio. I began to suspect that I was having some kind of hallucination. Triggered, no doubt, by the memory-the déjà vu, the strange familiarity of the situation.**

"Or is it the fact that the girl was so depressed, that hearing your voice was the only thing that kept her sane??????" Alice asked, incredulously. I nodded, although it wasn't completely true, because soon after, someone else helped me with the sanity as well. But I kept that comment to myself, because I knew it would upset both of them more.

**I ran through the possibilities quickly in my head. Option one: I was crazy. That was the layman's term for people who heard voices in their heads. Possible. Option two: My subconscious mind was giving me what it thought I wanted.**

"I go with option one!" Emmett said. "My little sis is definitely a little crazy. After all, she married a vampire!" We all laughed.

"Well, I go with option two," Alice responded. "Because it makes sense, because Bella was so depressed that her mind was messing with her, and making her hallucinate, to make her happy." Edward nodded, agreeing with Alice.

**This was wish fulfillment-a momentary relief from pain by embracing the incorrect idea that **_**he**_** cared whether I lived or died. Projecting what he would have said if A) he was here, and B) he would be in any way bothered by something bad happening to me. Probable. I could see no option three, so I hoped it was the second option and this was just my subconscious running amuck, rather than something I would need to be hospitalized for.**

"Bella, dear, darling, with the state you were in, you honestly should have been hospitalized," Jake growled. Edward growled back, while I held Nessie close to me, listening to her heart to calm me down. As usual, it worked.

**My reaction was hardly sane, though-I was **_**grateful**_**. The sound of his voice was something that I'd feared I was losing, and so, more than anything else, I felt overwhelming gratitude that my unconscious mind had held onto that sound better than my conscious one had.**

"Wait a minute," Jake interrupted. "If you could hear his voice during this time, did you hear his voice during other dangerous times, like when biking and when cliff diving?" I nodded. "It was so I could hear him again." Edward shook his head in amazement.

**I was not allowed to think of him. That was something I tried to be very strict about. Of course I slipped; I was only human. But I was getting better, and so the pain was something I could avoid for days at a time now. The tradeoff was the never-ending numbness. Between pain and nothing, I'd chosen nothing. I waited for the pain now. I was not numb-my senses felt unusually intense after so many months of the haze-but the normal pain held off. The only ache was the disappointment that his voice was fading. There was a second of choice. The wise thing would be to run away from this potential destructive-and certainly mentally unstable-development.**

"Such a nice way to leave your _girlfriend_!" Alice shouted at Edward. Man, I was having a major déjà vu of the last chapter I read. I hope it's not going to be this bad the whole time we read this, or poor Edward is going to be so miserable, he'll end up wanting to go to the Volturi again. I inched over and gave him a big, comforting hug. He tried to smile.

**It would be stupid to encourage hallucinations. But his voice was fading. I took another step forward, testing.**

"You have got to be kidding me, Bella," Edward said, amazed. "Were you really being that stupid just to hear my voice? You were willing to get yourself killed just so you could imagine my voice up again???" I nodded quietly.

"**Bella, turn around," he growled. I sighed in relief. The anger was what I wanted to hear-false, fabricated evidence that he cared, a dubious gift from my subconscious. Very few seconds had passed while I sorted this all out. My little audience watched, curious. It probably looked like I was just dithering over whether or not I was going to approach them. How could they guess that I was standing there enjoying an unexpected moment of insanity? "Hi," one of the men called, his tone both confident and a bit sarcastic. He was fair-skinned and fair-haired, and he stood with the assurance of someone who thought of himself as quite good-looking. I couldn't tell whether he was or not.**

"OME BELLA!!!" Alice shouted. "YOU WENT OVER THERE BECAUSE HE WAS FAIR SKINNED SO YOU THOUGHT??????...." I didn't respond. How was I supposed to respond? I just took a breath, and continued to read.

**I was prejudiced. The voice in my head answered with an exquisite snarl. I smiled, and the confident man seemed to take that as encouragement. "Can I help you with something? You look lost." He grinned and winked.**

"Well that's an understatement," snarled Edward. "You wander around, apparently looking for any way to get me pissed just to hear my voice." He sounded extremely upset and shocked. I tried to comfort him, but I was too late. Jasper had already calmed him down. I silently thanked Jasper. Clearly, he knew I wouldn't be able to get through this if not even my own husband could stay calm about the situation.

**I stepped carefully over the gutter, running with water that was black in the darkness. "No. I'm not lost.' Now that I was closer-and my eyes felt oddly in focus- I analyzed the short, dark man's face. It was not familiar in any way. I suffered a curious sensation of disappointment that this was not the terrible man who had tried to hurt me almost a year ago. The voice in my head was quiet now. The short man noticed my stare. "Can I buy you a drink?" he offered, nervous, seeming flattered that I'd singled him out to stare at.**

"Don't flatter yourself," Alice said laughing. "She wasn't singling you out in a good way," she chuckled.

"**I'm too young," I answered automatically. He was baffled-wondering why I had approached them. I felt compelled to explain. "From across the street, you looked like someone I knew. Sorry, my mistake." The threat that had pulled me across the street had evaporated. These were not the dangerous men I remembered. They were probably nice guys. Safe. I lost interested. "That's okay," the confident blonde said. "Stay and hang out with us."**

"Yeah, well, now that I figured out that you're not evil, nor are you a vampire, I don't care anymore," Edward mocked. I growled.

"**Thanks, but I can't." Jessica was hesitating in the middle of the street, her eyes wide with outrage and betrayal. "Oh, just a few minutes." I shook my head, and turned to rejoin Jessica. "Let's go eat," I suggested, barely glancing at her. Though I appeared to be, for the moment, freed of the zombie abstraction, I was just as distant. My mind was preoccupied. The safe, numb deadness did not come back, and I got more anxious with every minute that passed without its return. "What were you thinking?" Jessica snapped. "You don't know them-they could have been psychopaths!"**

"Yeah, but she probably thought that no one was bigger psychopaths than us," laughed Jasper. We all laughed, agreeing.

**I shrugged, wishing she would let it go. "I just thought I knew the one guy." "You are so odd, Bella Swan. I feel like I don't know who you are."**

"Too bad you don't know the half of it," Edward said. "If you knew what we were, the whole town would know." I chuckled a little in agreement.

"**Sorry." I didn't know what else to say to that. We walked to McDonald's in silence. I'd bet that she was wishing we'd taken her car instead of walking the short distance from the theater, so that she could use the drive-through. She was just as anxious now for this evening to be over as I had been from the beginning. I tried to start a conversation a few times while we ate, but Jessica was not cooperative. I must have really offended her. When we got back in the car, she turned the stereo back to her favorite station and turned the volume too loud to allow easy conversation.**

"However, if it was your car, you probably would have done the same thing," Alice commented. I nodded.

**I didn't have to struggle as hard as usual to ignore the music. Even though my mind, for once, was not carefully numb and empty, I had too much to think about to hear the lyrics. I waited for the numbness to return, or the pain. Because the pain must be coming. I'd broken my personal rules. Instead of shying away from the memories, I'd walked forward and greeted them. I'd heard his voice, so clearly, in my head. That was going to cost me, I was sure of it. Especially if I couldn't reclaim the haze to protect myself. **

"Poor Bells, now I truly see how you were feeling. Now, if you could only see what I was thinking as well, because it wasn't too far off from your own thoughts."

**I felt too alert, and that frightened me. But relief was still the strongest emotion in my body-relief that came from the very core of my being. As much as I struggled not to think of him, I did not want to struggle to **_**forget**_**. I worried-late in the night, when the exhaustion of sleep deprivation broke down my defenses-that it **_**was**_** all slipping away. That my mind was a sieve, and I would someday not be able to remember the precise color of his eyes, the feel of his cool skin, or the texture of his voice.**

"Yeah right, like that could ever happen," Alice commented.

"I agree," Edward responded. "As much as I _so-called_ wanted you to forget about me, I knew all along that it would more than likely never happen." I smiled at him. I was glad that he at least understood how I felt. It was quite a relief.

**I could not **_**think **_**of them, but I must **_**remember **_**them. Because there was just one thing that I had to believe to be able to live-I had to know that he existed. That was all. Everything else I could endure. So long as he existed. That's why I was more trapped in Forks than I ever had been before, why I'd fought with Charlie when he suggested a change. Honestly, it shouldn't matter; no one was ever coming back here.**

"That's what you think," Alice said, standing up and taking a bow. We all applauded and laughed.

**But if I were to go to Jacksonville, or anywhere else bright and unfamiliar, how could I be sure he was real? In a place where I could never imagine him, the conviction might fade…and that I could not live through. Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; it was a hard line to walk.**

"I know what you mean," Edward said glumly.

**I was surprised when Jessica stopped the car in front of my house. The ride had not taken long, but short as it seemed, I wouldn't have thought that Jessica could go that long without speaking.**

"That's like saying, I can go that long without talking," Alice giggled. I laughed, definitely agreeing with that statement.

I heard Edward mutter something like _stupid evil little pixie_. I laughed harder.

"**Thanks for going out with me, Jess," I said as I opened my door." "That was…fun." I hoped that **_**fun**_** was the appropriate word. "Sure," she muttered. "I'm sorry about…after the movie." "Whatever, Bella." She glared out the windshield instead of looking at me. She seemed to be growing angrier rather than getting over it. "See you Monday?" "Yeah. Bye." I gave up and shut the door. She drove away, still without looking at me.**

"Bells, don't worry, sweetie. If she doesn't understand, than she must not be a true friend. But do remember, we are still friends," Esme said in a comforting voice. I smiled at her.

**I'd forgotten her by the time was inside. Charlie was waiting for me in the middle of the hall, his arms folded tight against his chest with his hands balled into fists. "Hey, Dad," I said absentmindedly as I ducked around Charlie, heading for the stairs. I'd been thinking about **_**him**_** for too long, and I wanted to be upstairs before it caught up with me. "Where have you been?" Charlie demanded.**

"Oh, I don't know. Out and about, looking for trouble so I can hallucinate about the idiot who left me?" Alice said, half joking, half angry. I tried to laugh a little, but nothing came out.

**I looked at my dad, surprised. "I went to a movie in Port Angeles with Jessica. Like I told you this morning." "Humph," he grunted. "Is that okay?" He studied my face, his eyes widening as if he saw something unexpected. "Yeah, that's fine. Did you have fun?" "Sure," I said. His eyes narrowed. "Night, Dad." He let me pass. I hurried to my room. I lay in my bed a few minutes later, resigned as the pain finally made its appearance. It was a crippling thing, this sensation that a huge hole had been punched through my chest, excising my most vital organs and leaving ragged, unhealed gashes around the edges that continued to throb and bleed despite the passage of time.**

That was it!! I was sick of this! I needed to get it off my chest, even if it's going to hurt. "You know, I'm getting happier and happier that we found this copy of the book. Because you finally see what the hell I went through when you went on your lovely absence!! You finally get to feel the pain I went through!" Edward just sat there, openmouthed, while Alice smiled a huge smile. Clearly, she was waiting for this moment to happen. So was I, but I was holding back because I knew it would hurt him.

**Rationally, I knew my lungs must still be intact, yet I gasped for air and my head spun like my efforts yielded me nothing. My heart must have been beating, too, but I couldn't hear the sound of my pulse in my ears; my hands felt blue with cold. I curled inward, hugging my ribs to hold myself together. I scrambled for my numbness, my denial, but it evaded me.**

I paused for a minute, because this was so, so difficult to read. All it did was bring back memories of those months without him, and as I looked around, I could see the pain in everyone else's eyes as well.

**And yet, I found I could survive. I was alert, I felt the pain-the aching los that radiated out from my chest, sending wracking waves of hurt through my limbs and head-but it was manageable. I could live through it. It didn't feel like the pain had weakened over time, rather that I'd grown strong enough to bear it. Whatever it was that had happened tonight-and whether it was zombies, the adrenaline, or the hallucinations that were responsible-it had woken me up. For the first time in a long time, I didn't know what to expect in the morning.**

**Wow, that chapter was harder to write than the last chapter. All the emotions going on in that chapter was very very tough, and hard to execute in writing, but I hope you enjoyed it. I still can't get over how many reviews I got for the last chapter. Keep reading and reviewing. You guys rock**


	9. Chapter 9

_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in it, although sometimes I wish I could own Edward._

_Well, in respect to my reviewers, and to get more reviews, I'm going to thank everyone who reviewed the last chapter personally. Wow, I think you guys are really going to enjoy this one. Because it is a slower moving chapter, I've got a lot more reactions and jokes (M4roth in better spots this time) to cheer people up after the last two chapters. We need a light chapter like this after writing chapter 3 and 4 from the book._

_Twilight642531- I'm glad you're enjoying it. Keep reading and reviewing, and I'll keep posting._

_Isha Cullen- You have an interesting point, however I don't know how shocked he'll be, seeing how he let Bella kiss Jake in Eclipse. But we'll see what happens._

_.AnthonyXCullen- I'm glad you found my story. Thank you for the compliment on Emmett's jokes. I work hard on them, and on the timing of his jokes._

_2random4words- Yeah, I was waiting for the right moment to snap at him. I waited a while, because of how comforting she is to other people, and how she always cares more about others than herself. But I knew that the fact that she was reading the whole thing on her own would make her lose her cool at some point._

_Alice- Well, I'm glad you're enjoying it. That was the reason I wrote this story. Other people have asked if I'm doing Eclipse and Breaking Dawn, but I thought this was VITAL to do so they could see what Bella experienced._

_M4roth- oh my dear m4roth. You have been one amazing reviewer. Reviewing and reading from the beginning, and being honest when you don't like certain parts. Being my first posted fanfiction, you have been very helpful, and amazing. You're analyzed reviews are extremely helpful, and show me where to change some of the humor in the stories, to make it less awkward. I know I don't have to say this, but keep reviewing. You've been amazing through this whole process._

_MymonkeyMan1221- You are as amazing as our buddy M4roth, only difference is you found the story more recently, but when you found it, you sat there that day and reviewed every chapter I wrote. You have been one of my loyal readers and reviewers, and I thank you forever for that._

_Whitehouse28- K I know you didn't review on chapter 8 but I'm glad you reviewed. I messaged you as well, because as you see, I deleted my other story. Don't worry, I will be reposting it. Problem was, I felt like it was too cliché, so I'm changing it up a little. Tell me what you think._

_ShadowInTheNight1- Well, here's my update, so there you go. And I'm glad you think this story rocks. I think so too, lol._

_Chapter 5 Cheater_

"_**OY, what a difficult chapter that was," Alice commented. "None of us ever knew that you actually started hallucinating about him. That must have been pretty tough," she continued. I nodded.**_

"_**Bella, why don't you take off," Mike suggested, his eyes focused off to the side, not really looking at me. I wondered how long that had been going on without me noticing. It was a slow afternoon at Newton's. at the moment there were only two patrons in the store, dedicated backpackers from the sound of their conversation.**_

"_Although, I'm sure the only thing you were focused on at that point was the fact that you could hear Edward," Rose commented. I had the feeling that she went through a similar situation when her former fiancée raped her and left her to die._

_**Mike had spent the last hour going through the pros and cons of two brands of lightweight packs with them. But they'd taken a break from serious pricing to indulge in trying to one-up each other with their latest tales from the trails. Their distractions had given Mike a chance to escape. "I don't mind staying," I said.**_

"_Yeah, as long as you're distracted from the inevitable truth that would happen if you were left too long by yourself," Jake commented. "With the state you were in, I sometimes wonder if you would have survived much longer if you didn't start hanging out with me." I nodded, because it was probably true._

_**I still hadn't been able to sink back into my protective shell of numbness, and everything seemed oddly close and loud today, like I'd taken cotton out of my ears. I tried to tune out the laughing without success. "I'm telling you, said the thickset man with the orange beard that didn't match up in the Yellowstone, but they hand nothing on this brute."**_

"_Don't worry, I'll take them down," Emmett said proudly._

"_Are you sure about that, dear?" Rosalie asked. "Remember last time you tried to beat up a grizzly?" We all snickered._

_**His hair was matted, and his clothes looked like they'd been on his back for more than a few days. Fresh from the mountains. "Not a chance. Black bears don't get that big. The grizzlies you saw were probably cubs.**_

"_I'm starting to think this isn't exactly bears that these men are talking about," Alice said, smiling at Jacob. He grinned his infamous smile back at her, and we laughed._

_**The second man was tall and lean, his face tanned and wind-whipped into an impressive leathery crust. "Seriously, Bella, as soon as these two give up, I'm closing the place down," Mike murmured. "If you want me to go…" I shrugged. "On all fours, it was taller than you," the bearded man insisted while I gathered my things.**_

"_Coming from the bear expert, I must say that is definitely not a bear," Emmett said, now also grinning at Jake._

"_Right, bear expert," Rose giggled. "If you were a bear expert, you would never have become a vampire to begin with." We all laughed with her, while Emmett playfully growled and tackled to the ground. Next thing we knew it, there was a full-on make-out session. Someone cleared their throat, and they looked up. Trust me, if they could blush, they'd be purple from blushing so hard. "Anyway…"_

"_**Big as a house and pitch-black. I'm going to report it to the ranger here. People out to be warned-this wasn't up on the mountain, mind you-this was only a few miles from the trailhead.**_

"_Wait, pitch black?" Alice questioned. We then realized who they saw._

"_Sam," we all said at the same time, except for Nessie who said, "Sammy!!" We all laughed._

_**Leather-face laughed and rolled his eyes. "Let me guess-you were on your way in? Hadn't eaten real food or slept off the ground in a week, right?" "See you Monday," I mumbled. "Yes, sir," Mike replied, turning away. "Say, have there been any warnings around here recently-about black bears?"**_

"_No, but I've seen some real ugly looking wolves around lately," Rose replied, smirking. Jake through the plate that he was eating on at her, except it missed and went flying out the window!! We all cracked up, after we heard a big OW!_

"_What was that for?" a voice from beyond said. Next thing we know, Sam is standing outside the window again. We laughed harder._

"_Jake through a plate at Rose because she called the wolves really ugly, but she ducked and it went flying out the window," I said between laughs._

"_Well, then, Jakey boy. Nice job!" Sam responded. We laughed harder., well except for Rose, who was scowling the whole time. After a few minutes of calming down, I started reading again._

"_**No, sir. But it's always to keep your distance and store your food correctly. Have you seen the new bear-safe canisters? They only two pounds…" The doors slid open to let me out into the rain. I hunched over inside my jacket as I dashed for my truck. The rain hammering against my hood sounded unusually loud, too, but soon the roar of the engine drowned out everything else.**_

"_Bella, I swear, there could be a tornado outside, but you wouldn't hear the sound of the tornado coming through, because that stupid truck would blast the noise over it!" Alice commented, laughing. I scowled at her. I miss my truck._

_**I didn't want to go back to Charlie's empty house. Last night had been particularly brutal, and I had no desire to revisit the scene of the suffering. Even after the pain had subsided enough for me to sleep, it wasn't over. Like I'd told Jessica after the movie, there was never any doubt that I would have nightmares.**_

"_Don't worry babe, it didn't last too long," Edward said, trying to soothe me._

"_Yeah, except you weren't the one who stopped the nightmares! I'm the one who came back after what happened! If it wasn't for me, you'd be dead_!" Alice retorted back at him. He put his head in his lap and I rubbed his back for a few seconds. I began to read again when he calmed down, thanks to Jasper.

**I always had nightmares now, every night. Not nightmares really, not in the plural, because it was always the **_**same **_**nightmare. You'd think I'd get bored after so many months, grow immune to it. But the dream never failed to horrify me, and only ended when I woke myself with screaming. Charlie didn't come in to see what was wrong, anymore, to make sure there was no intruder strangling me or something like that-he was used to it now.**

"Wow Edward, it got so bad that Charlie got used to her screaming!!!!" Alice shouted.

**My nightmare probably wouldn't even frighten someone else. Nothing jumped and screamed, "Boo!" There was no zombies, no ghosts, no psychopaths.**

"Well, except for that annoying, menacing wolf." Jake was about to get up and throw something else, but Renesmee got up and sat down next to Jake. "It's ok, my Jake. Aunt Rosie doesn't mean any harm," she told him. He calmed down immediately, after staring into her eyes for a few moments.

**Only nothing. Just the endless maze of moss-covered trees, so quiet that the silence was an uncomfortable pressure against my eardrums. It was dark, like dusk on a cloudy day, with only enough light to see that there was nothing to see. I hurried through the gloom without a path, always searching, searching, searching, getting more frantic as the time stretched on, trying to move faster, though the speed made me clumsy…**

"Bells, what were you searching for?" Jake asked, curiously.

"I was searching for _him_, and our meadow. I figured if I found it, it would bring me back to a happy face," I responded. Edward looked sad. But I knew that he needed to hear it, as much as I needed to say it.

**Then fell it coming now, but could never seem to wake myself before it hit-when I couldn't remember what it was that I was searching for. When I realized that there **_**was **_**nothing to search for, and nothing to find. That there never had been anything more than just this empty, dreary wood, and there never would be anything more for me…nothing but nothing…**

"Aw, my poor Bella," Esme said with concerned eyes. Carlisle comforted his wife, while Edward comforted me.

**That was usually about when the screaming started. I wasn't paying attention to where I was driving-just wandering through empty, wet side roads as I avoided the ways that would take me home-because I didn't have anywhere to go. I wished I could feel numb again, but I couldn't remember how I'd managed it before. The nightmare was nagging at my mind and making me think about things that would cause me pain.**

"Babe, why would you do that? I hate to see you hurting like that," Edward said to me, oblivious of what was causing the situation.

"No offense, _Edward_, but what do you think MADE ME HAVE THESE NIGHTMARES????????????" Alice practically screamed at him. Well, I was thinking it, but I would never dare to say it to him. Last time I did that, it really hurt him. I hate to see him hurting like that. He slinked down in the seat.

**I didn't want to remember the forest. Even as I shuddered away from the images, I felt my eyes fill with tears and the aching begin around the edges of the hole of my chest. I took one hand from the steering wheel and wrapped it around my torso to hold it in one piece. **_**It will be as if I'd never existed**_**.**

"I'm still can't believe you told her that!"

"It's just terrible."

"Seriously, bro, that's just wrong."

Wow, it felt nice to see how my family feels about the situation once the situation from 2 chapters calmed down.

**The words ran through my head, lacking the perfect clarity of my hallucination last night. They were just words, soundless, like print on a page. Just words, but they ripped the hole wide open, and I stomped on the brake, knowing I should not drive while this incapacitated. I curled over, pressing my face against the steering wheel and trying to breathe without lungs.**

"Well, I don't think you would have trouble with that anymore," Emmett grinned. No one smiled back, because Emmett tried to make humor at a bad time, and for once, he didn't cheer anyone up. Esme looked at Emmett with comforting eyes, knowing that he was just trying to better the situation.

**I wondered how long this would last. Maybe someday, years from now-if the pain would just decrease to the point where I could bear it-I would be able to look back on those few short months that would always be the best of my life.**

"Well, now I've changed my mind," I argued with the books. "The best months of my life were the first couple of months after the Volturi took the death sentence off and it felt relaxed in the household for once." My family smiled and nodded in agreement.

**And, if it were possible that the pain would ever soften enough to allow me to do that, I was sure that I would feel grateful for as much time as he'd given me.**

"Well, it did soften after time, but I just can't figure out the reason why," Jake said grinning his famous grin at me. I put my head back and laughed.

**More than I'd asked for, more than I'd deserved. Maybe someday I'd be able to see it that way. But what if this hole never got any better? If the raw edges never healed? If the damage was permanent and irreversible? I held myself tightly together. **_**As if he'd never existed,**_** I thought in despair. What a stupid and impossible promise to make!**

"Agreed!" Alice agreed eagerly. "What'd you think, that the love of your life was going to forget you anymore than you forgot her?" Edward yet again put his head in his lap, in shame. I comforted him. I knew how he felt.

**He could steal my pictures and reclaim his gifts, but that didn't put things back the way they'd been before I'd met him. The physical evidence was the most insignificant part of the equation. **_**I **_**was changed, my insides altered almost past the point of recognition. Even my outsides looked different-my face sallow, white except for the purple circles the nightmares had left under my eyes.**

"Aw, my poor daughter and son. Both having to deal with the same feeling of loss," Esme said. "However, Edward, I love you to death, but it was all your fault that both of you fell into such a deep depression."

**My eyes were dark enough against my pallid skin that-if I were beautiful, and seen from a distance-I might even pass for a vampire now. But I was not beautiful, and I probably looked closer to a zombie.**

"Well, that's not too far off," Jake smirked. I threw a pillow at him, but since he's as strong as we are, it somehow hit his head, ricocheted off of it, went out the window, and take one guess who it hit.

"THAT'S IT!!!" Sam shouted, half laughing, half angry. "I'm sending out Collin to do rounds!!" We all laughed. "Sorry Sam!" we all said at once.

**As if he'd never existed? That was insanity. It was a promise that he could never keep, a promise that was broken as soon as he'd made it. I thumped my head against the steering wheel, trying to distract myself from the sharper pain. It made me feel silly for ever worrying about keeping **_**my **_**promise. Where was the logic in sticking to an agreement that had already been violated by the other party?**

"Well, technically it wasn't. I never actually spoke to you in your head," Edward responded. "However, ironically enough, I would hear your voice in my head when I saw girls trying to flirt with me." (He he, I know that's not in the books, but I thought it would fit. What do you think?)

**Who cared if ****I was reckless and stupid? There was no reason to avoid recklessness, no reason why I shouldn't get to be stupid.**

"Well, Bells. That's what we love about you," Emmett said to me with an evil grin. Ok that was it, rematch!!

"You, me, work table in basement, now! It's time for some ass kicking!"

"Guys, maybe after the chapter is over. Let's finish the chapter at least," Esme said in a calm, reassuring voice. We both scowled for a few seconds, and then relaxed and laughed.

**I laughed humorlessly to myself, still gasping for air. Reckless in Forks-now there was a hopeless proposition. The dark humor distracted me, and the distraction eased the pain. My breath came easier, and I was able to lean back against the seat. Though it was clod today, my forehead was damp with sweat. I concentrated on my hopeless proposition to keep from sliding back into the excruciating memories. To be reckless in Forks would take a lot of creativity-maybe more than I had.**

"Unless you're a werewolf," Jake said grinning, laughing at his own thought. I definitely agreed. They definitely knew how to be reckless, or at least the town thought that they were being reckless, that is.

**But I wished I could find some way…I might feel better if I weren't holding fast, all alone, to a broken pact. If I were an oath-breaker, too. But how could I cheat on my side of the deal, here in this harmless little town? Of course, Forks hadn't **_**always**_** been so harmless, but now it was exactly what it had always appeared to be.**

"Hmm, I wonder who made it so harmful to live in?" Emmett said with a huge grin. I grinned back at him.

**It was dull, it was safe. I stared out the windshield for a long moment, my thoughts moving sluggishly-I couldn't seem to make those thoughts go anywhere. I cut the engine, which was groaning in a pitiful way after idling for so long, and stepped out into the drizzle.**

"Honestly, I'm amazed it lasted as long as it had," Edward said in a little bit of shock. Jake growled at him. Edward growled back. All of a sudden, it was a growling contest.

"Boys, enough," Esme said sternly.

**The cold rain dripped through my hair and then trickled across my cheeks like freshwater tears. It helped to clear my head. I blinked the water from my eyes, staring blankly across the road. After a minute of staring, I recognized where I was. I'd parked in the middle of the north lane of Russell Avenue. I was standing in front of the Cheneys' house-my truck was blocking their driveway-and across the road lived the Markses.**

"Good old Bella," Jasper chuckled. "The girl is so lost in her thoughts, that she gets herself lost driving as well." I shrugged my shoulders, but laughed a little inside.

"Wait a minute, Bells, isn't the Markses' the ones who owned the…" I gave him a stern look to shut him up, because I knew Edward would freak if he knew I was the one who decided to buy the bikes. Oh crap, it's probably going to mention that in the book. I hung my head in shame. Jake chuckled a little. He probably guessed what I was thinking.

**I knew I needed to move my truck, and that I ought to go home. It was wrong to wander the way I had, distracted and impaired, a menace on the roads of Forks.**

"Although, with the top speed of 55 , I'm not exactly sure how much of a menace you and your truck would be," Edward said, grinning at me.

"Yes, but Edward, being a doctor, I should know this. In all my years, I've seen many mistakes like this end up in bad to critical condition in the hospital, and sometimes death." (That upsets me big time, so I thought I would bring it up. Last October, a close family friend of mine who was 20 fell asleep at the wheel, crashed into a tree, and died instantly because the car flipped at least 4 times according to the police report, so I thought it would be a good thing to add in the story. Plus, it fits with the part that I'm writing now. K, sorry for my rant, back to the story)

**Besides, someone would notice me soon enough, and report me to Charlie. As I took a deep breath in preparation to move, a sign in the Markses' yard caught my eye-it was just a big enough piece of cardboard leaning against their mailbox post, with black letters scrawled in caps across it. Sometimes, kismet happens. Coincidence? Or was it meant to be?**

"It was definitely meant to be!" Jake exclaimed. "It was so awesome that you got it, and it's what brought you to me, and ultimately brought you out of your slump.

**I didn't know, but it seemed kind of silly to think that it was somehow fated, that the dilapidated motorcycles rusting in the Markses' front yard beside the hand-painted FOR SALE, AS IS sign were serving some higher purpose by existing there, right where I needed them to be.**

"Wait a minute, you have got to be kidding me!" Edward exclaimed angrily. "Obviously, I knew that you guys were riding motorcycles, but YOU were the one who bought them??????" Alice turned to look at me in utter shock.

"When you told me what happened in those months, you never explained how you got the bikes. I would have never thought it was you! I'm disappointed in you Bells. How could you do that? Because you're not clumsy and reckless enough, _you_ have to go and buy the motorcycles???"

"How about I make it up to you with a shopping trip after this chapter is finished. And further more, I will be you're Barbie doll again," I responded nervously and reluctantly. But I knew I owed her this much. Alice immediately got excited and forgot about what just happened for a moment. Now she was jumping up and down. It took quite a bit for Jasper to calm his wife down with his powers. We all laughed and calmed down as well.

**So maybe it wasn't kismet. Maybe there were just all kinds of ways to be reckless, and I only now had my eyes open to them.**

"Great, now the girl actually _wants_ to be reckless," Alice said, shaking her head in amazement.

**Reckless and stupid. Those were Charlie's two very favorite words to apply to motorcycles.**

"I agree!" Edward said.

"Excuuuuuse me, mister hypocritical," I said in a teasing voice. "This coming from a man who drives almost three times the speed limit."

"Except, I was a vampire a long time before you were. What's the worst that could happen? That I die _again?_" Ok, he had me beat on that one.

**Charlie's job didn't get a lot of action compared to cops in bigger towns, but he did get called in on traffic accidents. With the long, wet stretches of freeway twisting and turning through the forest, blind corner after blind corner, there was no shortage of **_**that**_** kind of action. But even with all the huge log-haulers barreling around the turns, mostly people walked away. The exceptions to that rule were often motorcycles. **

"Yeahhhh, that's an understatement," Alice said, still surprised at my rash actions in the book. But I know that she was also excited about the shopping trip, which of course I was dreading. But it was a great way to get her off my back.

**And Charlie had seen one too many victims, almost always kids, smeared on the highway. He'd made me promise before I was ten that I would never accept a ride on a motorcycle.**

"_Accept_ being the prominent word here. I guess you really were testing him, by riding your own instead of accepting a ride from a biker," Edward snarled, a little pissed.

**Even at that age, I didn't have to think twice before promising. Who would want to ride a motorcycle **_**here?**_** It would be like taking a sixty-mile-per-hour bath.**

"Well then, a vampire would. I heard they just _love_ the rain," Jake said sarcastically. We all snickered a little.

**So many promises I kept… It clicked together for me then. I wanted to be stupid and reckless, and I wanted to break promises. Why stop at one? That's as fair as I thought it through. I sloshed through the rain to the Markses' front door and rang the bell. One of the Marks boys opened the door, the younger one, the freshman. I couldn't remember his name. His sandy hair only came up to my shoulder. He had no trouble remembering my name. "Bella Swan?" he asked in surprise.**

"No, it's the ghost of Christmas past," Emmett said sarcastically. Edward rolled his eyes at him, and Emmett stuck his tongue back out at Edward.

"**How much do you want for the bike?" I panted, jerking my thumb over my shoulder toward the sales display. "Are you serious?" he demanded. "Of course I am." "They don't work."**

"And that's where mechanic engineer extraordinaire comes in," Jake said proudly. I stifled back a giggle, because Edward was giving a look of death to Jake.

**I sighed impatiently-this was something I'd already inferred from the sign. "How much?" "If you really want one, just take it. My mom made my dad move them down to the road so they'd get picked up with the garbage." I glanced at the bikes again and saw that they were resting on a pile of yard clippings and dead branches.**

"Is this where you bought your truck too?" Emmett snickered. Jake growled at him.

"**Are you positive about that?" "Sure, you want to ask her?" It was probably better not to involve adults who might mention this to Charlie.**

"No, instead, it's your own best friend who mentions it to Charlie instead!" Edward shouted at Jake. I didn't respond, mainly because I don't blame him. It was pretty rude, what Jake had done after we got back from Italy, and it still stings a little.

"**No, I believe you." "You want me to help you?" he offered. "They're not light." "Okay, thanks. I only need one, though." "Might as well take both," the boy said. "Maybe you could scavenge some parts." He followed me out into the downpour and helped me load both of the heavy bikes into the back of my truck. He seemed eager to be rid of them, so I didn't argue. "what are you going to do with them, anyway?" he asked. "They haven't worked in years."**

"Not for long, though," said Jake smiling from ear to ear. "I will help with that."

"As long as my daughter doesn't ever ride on the back of it!" Edward exclaimed.

"Edward, come on." I responded. "She is still part vampire. She knows how to hold her self up pretty well. How about, when she gets older, we will let her decide for herself."

"I wanna ride the bike! I wanna ride the bike!" Renesmee exclaimed, hopping up and down. We all laughed.

"**I kind of guessed that," I said, shrugging. My spur-of-the-moment whim hadn't comue with a plan intact. "Maybe I'll take them to Dowling's."**

Jake snorted. "Dowling would charge you more to fix them then what they're worth!"

**He snorted. "Dowling would charge more to fix them than they'd be worth running."**

Wow, déjà vu much? We all laughed.

**I couldn't argue with that. John Dowling had earned a reputation for his pricing; no one went to him except in an emergency. Most people preferred to make the drive up to Port Angeles, if their car was able. I'd been very lucky on that front-I'd been worried, when Charlie first gifted me my ancient truck.**

"Ancient is putting it nicely," Edward laughed.

**That I wouldn't be able to afford to keep it running. But I'd never had a single problem with it, other than the screaming-loud engine and the fifty-five-mile-per-hour maximum speed limit. Jacob Black kept it in great shape when it had belonged to his father, Billy…**

"DING DING DING!!!! We have a winner!" Emmett said. We all laughed.

**Inspiration hit like a bolt of lightning-not unreasonable, considering the storm. "You know what? That's okay. I know someone who builds cars." "Oh. That's good." He smiled in relief. He waved as I pulled away, still smiling. Friendly kid. I drove quickly and purposefully now, in a hurry thp get home before there was the slightest chance of Charlie appearing, even in the highly unlikely event that he might knock off early.**

"Yeah right, in my eighteen (guessing) years of living, I don't think I've ever seen Charlie take off early. He truly loves his job," Jake said.

**I dashed through the house to the phone, keys still in hand. "Chief Swan, please," I said when the deputy answered. "It's Bella." "Oh, hey, Bella," Deputy Steve said affably. "I'll go get him." I waited. "What's wrong, Bella?" Charlie demanded as soon as he picked up the phone. "Can't I call you at work without there being an emergency?"**

"Apparently not," Edward laughed.

**He was quiet for minute. "You never have before. **_**Is**_** there an emergency?" "No. I just wanted directions to the Blacks' place-I'm not sure I can remember the way. I want to visit Jacob. I haven't seen him in months.**

"Aw, she really does love me. She wants to see me so badly," Jake said sweetly. Alice wacked over the head. We all laughed, while Edward scowled a little.

"Hey, none of that! You have someone now," Carlisle said calming them both down.

**When Charlie spoke again, his voice was much happier. "That's a great idea, Bells. Do you have a pen?" The directions he gave me were very simple. I assured him that I would be back for dinner, though he tried to tell me not to hurry. He wanted to join me in La Push, and I wasn't having that.**

"Yeah, I can picture that. Charlie walks in just as you are pulling around your truck with the bikes on the back of it," Jasper said laughing.

**So it was a deadline that I drove too quickly through the storm-darkened streets out of town. I hoped I could get to Jacob alone. Billy would probably tell on me if he knew what I was up to. While I drove, I worried a little bit about Billy's reaction to seeing me. He would be **_**too**_** pleased. In Billy's mind, no doubt, this had all worked out better than he had dared to hope. His pleasure and relief would only remind me of the one I couldn't bear to be reminded of. **_**Not again today**_**, I pleaded silently. I was spent.**

"Yeah, trust me," said Jake. "My dad wanted us together as much as your father and I wanted us together. I'm just grateful I _have_ found someone who I am truly happy with and cares about me, and when she's older, she will love me unconditionally as well." I smiled at the happy pair, while Nessie gave Jake a big hug.

**The Blacks' house was vaguely familiar, a small wooden place with narrow windows, the dull red paint making it resemble a small barn. Jacob's head peered out of the window before I could even get out of the truck.**

"Oh look, like a lap dog, waiting for his owner to come home," Rose said, smirking at Jake. Jake was ready to throw again, but this time Esme stopped him.

"Guys, enough. Do we want Sam storming in again? For God's sake, let the man do his job, and stop throwing things at him," Esme said smiling. We all cracked up laughing.

**No doubt the familiar roar of the engine had tipped him off to my approach. Jacob had been very grateful when Charlie bought Billy's truck for me, saving Jacob from having to drive it when he came of age. I liked my truck very much, but Jacob seemed to consider the speed restriction a shortcoming.**

"Amen bro, amen!" Emmett said, giving Jake a high five. My poor truck was taking a beating. Sigh.

**He met me halfway to the house. "Bella!" His excited grin stretched wide across his face, the bright teeth standing in vivid contrast to the deep russet color of his skin. I'd never seen his hair out of its usual ponytail before. It fell like black satin curtains on either side of his broad face.**

"Jake, seriously, you're hair looks so much better short. Plus, as much as I hate to say it, it's stylish and sort of hot," Alice commented. Jake tussled his hair, trying to show it off. We all laughed.

**Jacob had grown into some of his potential in the last eight months. He'd passed that point where the soft muscles of childhood hardened into the solid, lanky build of a teenager.**

"Lanky build??" Emmett questioned. "I swear, with his muscles, you'd think he was on steroids!!" Jake started to show off his muscles, and Renesmee jumped up and down and clapped, happy.

**His face was still sweet like I remembered it, though it had hardened, too-the planes of his cheekbones sharper, his jaw squared off, all childish roundness gone. "Hey, Jacob!" I felt an unfamiliar surge of enthusiasm at his smile. I realized that I was pleased to see him. This knowledge surprised me. I smiled back, and something clicked silently into place, like two corresponding puzzle pieces. I'd forgotten how much I really like Jacob Black.**

"Well, that plan didn't go very well did it?" Jake asked.

"Nope, no it didn't," Edward said. "And I have to thank Alice for that." Alice smiled at him.

**He stopped a few feet away from me, and I stared up at him in surprise, leaning my head back though the rain pelted my face. "You grew again!" I accused in amazement. He laughed, his smile widening impossibly. "Six five," he announced with self-satisfaction. His voice was deeper, but it had the husky tone I remembered.**

"Crazy growth spurts, huh?" Jake said, grinning from ear to ear. I snorted. Right…

"**Is it ever going to stop?" I shook my head in disbelief. "You're huge." Still a beanpole, though." He grimaced. "Come inside! You're getting all wet." He led the way, twisting his hair in his big hand as he walked. He pulled a rubber band from his hip pocket and wound it around the bundle.**

"Oh my G-d, it is _so_ much easier to deal with now," Jake commented. "You have nooooo idea!"

"**Hey, Dad," he called as he ducked to get through the front door. "Look who stopped by." Billy was in the tiny square living room, a book in his hands. He set the book in his lap and wheeled himself forward when he saw me. "Well, what do you know! It's good to see you, Bella." We shook hands. Mine was lost in his wide grasp. "What brings you out here?**

"Oh you know, just trying to be reckless, going around doing crazy stunts like buying bikes and stuff," Edward said laughing. "No big deal."

"**Everything okay with Charlie? Yes, absolutely. I just wanted to see Jacob-I haven't seen him in forever. Jacob's eyes brightened at my words. He was smiling so big it looked like it would hurt his cheeks. "Can you stay for dinner?" Billy was eager, too.**

"Wait a minute," Edward said, looking into Jake's mind. "Exactly how many people were in on the 'get Jacob and Bella together so she forgets about Edward and falls in love with Jake' plan?" Jake starts counting backwards in his head.

"About six people," he replied, smiling. Edward growled.

"Hey, do remember. You were the one who left her! You were the idiot who left her close to dead. If it wasn't for the pack, an animal might have mistaken her for food!" Edward was about to respond, but.

"Boys, enough," Esme said calmly. "I think Edward has had enough grief today. Let's just finish the chapter."

"**No, I've got to feed Charlie, you know." "I'll call him now," Billy suggested. "He's always invited." I laughed to hide my discomfort. "It's not like you'll never see me again. I promise I'll be back again soon-so much you'll get sick of me." After all, if Jacob could fix the bike, someone had to teach me how to ride it.**

"Or no one has to teach you, and you'll be safe from danger," Alice directly pointed out. I shrugged my shoulders and sighed.

**Billy chuckled in response. "Okay, maybe next time." "So, Billy, what do you want to do?" Jacob asked. "Whatever. What were you doing before I interrupted?" I was strangely comfortable here. It was familiar, but only distantly. There were no painful reminders of the recent past. Jacob hesitated. "I was just heading out to work on my car, but we can do something else…"**

"Well, close, but no cigar," Jasper said, laughing. "Not the _car_ par say, more like a big bike that's going to piss Eddie boy off really bad when he finds out."

"**No, that's perfect!" I interrupted. "I'd love to se your car." "Okay," he said, not convinced. "It's out back, in the garage." **_**Even better**_**, I thought to myself. I waved at Billy. "See you later." A thick stand of trees and shrubbery concealed his garage from the house. The garage was no more than a couple of big performed sheds that had been bolted together with their interior walls knocked out. Under this shelter, raised on cinder blocks, was what looked to me like a completed automobile. I recognized the symbol on the grille, at least.**

All of a sudden, Sam appeared _again._

"What's up, Sam?" Carlisle asked curiously.

"Well, I wanted to let you know that everything is safe and clear, so I'm off, so now you can throw things out the window all you want," he responded. We all burst out laughing. "I'll see you guys later."

**What kind of Volkswagen is that?" I asked. It's an old Rabbit-1986, a classic.**

"Wow, you do not have a good taste in cars. Classics are like the 60s convertibles, not a run down, ancient, no longer made car like a Rabbit," Alice said in amazement. "You know what, for Nessie's sake, we are sooooo buying you a new car. You are not taking her out on a date when she's older in that piece of junk." Jake scoffed at her, but she did have a point.

"**How's it going?" "Almost finished," he said cheerfully. And then his voice dropped into a lower key. "My dad made good on his promise last spring." **

"Promise?" Edward asked curiously.

"Yeah, if I could tell Bella to stay away from you guys and avoid you guys, he would get me a car to fix up for myself."

"I see how well that worked out."

"Well I did tell Bella, but clearly, that didn't do much," Jake responded.

**He seemed to understand my reluctance to open the subject. I tried not to remember last May at the prom. Jacob had been bribed by his father with money and car parts to deliver a message there. Billy wanted me to stay a safe distance from the most important person in my life. It turned out that his concern was, in the end, unnecessary. I was all too safe now.**

"Yeah, around werewolves. That's _so_ much safe," Edward said sarcastically. I smiled at him sheepishly, not knowing what to say.

**But I was going to see what I could do to change that. "Jacob, what do you know about motorcycles?" I asked. He shrugged. "Some. My friend Embry has a dirt bike. We work on it together sometimes. Why?"**

"So I can be an idiot, and be reckless, to hear voices in my head to keep me happy," Alice mocked incredulously. "I mean think about it, doesn't it seem a little stupid?" I shrugged my shoulders again. Those were tough times. I had to do anything to get by during the day.

"**Well…," I pursed my lips as I considered. I wasn't sure if he could keep his mouth shut, but I didn't have many other options. "I recently acquired a couple of bikes, and they're not in the greatest condition. I wonder if you could get them running?" "Cool." He seemed truly pleased by the challenge. His face glowed. "I'll give it a try."**

"And it was one of the coolest vehicles I've ever worked on. Seriously awesome, man," Jake said eagerly. Edward growled a little more. I rubbed his back to calm him down.

**I held up one finger in warning. "The thing is," I explained. "Charlie doesn't approve of motorcycles. Honestly, he'd probably bust a vein in his forehead if he knew about this.**

"Well, close, but instead he grounds you for what seems like eternity," Jake said, laughing.

"Yeah, well, who's fault was that???" I shouted back. He shut up immediately.

**So you can't tell Billy." "Sure, sure." Jacob smiled. "I understand." "I'll pay you," I continued. This offended him. "No. I want to help. You can't pay me." "Well…how about a trade, then?" I was making this up as I went, but it seemed reasonable enough. "I only need one bike-and I'll need lessons, too. So how about this? I'll give you the other bike, and then you can teach me.**

"Yo man, you're lucky," Emmett commented to Jake. I would give anything to own a bike like that. That'd be so awesome. The cool wind in your hair and stuff. You _so_ have to let me ride it sometime."

"I know what I'm getting while we shop today," Alice said grinning from ear to ear. Edward must have read her mind because he was shaking his head back and forth in amazement.

"**Swee-eet." He made the word into two syllables.**

"Dude what's it say on my back."

"Sweet. What's it say on my back."

"Dude. What's it say on my back."

This went on for about 2 to 3 minutes between and Jasper and Emmett before Alice finally spoke up.

"GUYS ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!!!" That shut them up for sure. (Anyone who's seen the movie Dude Where's My Car will appreciate the joke. I saw it in the book, and had to do it!)

"**Wait a sec-are you legal yet? When's your birthday?" "You missed it," he teased, narrowing his eyes in mock resentment. "I'm sixteen." "Not that your age ever stopped you before," I muttered. "Sorry about your birthday." "Don't worry about it. I missed yours. What are you, forty?"**

"And the age counting begins," Jake said laughing. I snorted, while everyone else was confused. "You'll see what I mean. By the way, how old are we now?"

"Um, I think you're like 65 and I'm 59." They looked even more confused. G-d, this brought back some good memories.

**I sniffled. "Close." "We'll have a joint party to make up for it." "Sounds like a date."**

"You really shouldn't have said that, knowing Jake's hormones," Alice said, laughing.

**His eyes sparkled at the word.**

"See?" I laughed as well.

**I needed to reign in the enthusiasm before I gave him the wrong idea-it was just that it had been a long time since I'd felt so light and buoyant. The rarity of the feeling made it more difficult to manage. "Maybe when the bikes are finished-our present to ourselves," I added. "Deal. When will you bring them down?" I bit my lip, embarrassed. "They're in my truck now," I admitted.**

"A little overly eager to hallucinate, are we?" Edward questioned. I blushed. Okay, I _would_ have blushed if it was possible.

"**Grea****t." He seemed to mean it. He winked at me. "We'll be sneaky." We eased around from the east, sticking to the trees when we were in view of the windows, affecting a casual-looking stroll, just in case. Jacob unloaded the bikes swiftly from the truck bed, wheeling them one by one into the shrubbery where I hid. It looked too easy for him-I'd remembered the bikes being much, much heavier than that.**

"Well, you know, being a werewolf helps that," Jake bragged. I grinned at him, and he grinned right back.

"**These aren't half bad," Jacob appraised as we pushed them through the cover of the trees. "This one here will actually be worth something when I'm done-it's an old Harley Sprint." "That one's yours, then." "Are you sure?" "Absolutely."**

"Good old Bella, always caring more for others than herself," Carlisle said, smiling at me. Yes, I really do have a tendency to do that.

"**These are going to take some cash, though," he said, frowning down at the blackened metal. "We'll have to save up for parts first." **_**"We**_** nothing," I disagreed. "If you're doing this for free, I'll pay for the parts." "I don't know…," he muttered. "I've got some money saved. College fund, you know." **_**College, schmollege**_**, I thought to myself. It wasn't like I'd saved up enough to go anywhere special-and besides, I had no desire to leave Forks anyway. What difference would I make if I skimmed a little off the top? Jacob just nodded. This all made perfect sense to him.**

"Yeah, except for the fact that a girl like Bella would be the one buying the bikes," Jake said honestly. "It was quite a surprise when you told me."

**As we skulked back to the makeshift garage, I contemplated my luck. Only a teenage boy would agree to this: deceiving both our parents while repairing dangerous vehicles using money meant for my college education. He didn't see anything wrong with this picture. Jacob was a gift from the gods.**


	10. Chapter 10

_Me: I own Twilight_

_Edward: you have got to be kidding me._

_Me: errr, I own you?_

_Edward: keep trying_

_Me: I own the whole series_

_Edward looks at me with his shiny smile and pretty eyes and dazzles me_

_Me: I…I….I… I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT ARE YOU HAPPY??? *Pouts*_

_Wow, finally a fun chapter to work on. That last chapter was quite a relief to write, and it was, I have to say it, FUN!!!! I don't remember what happens in this chapter, so as usual, I will write as thoughts come to my head for reactions. So keep reading and reviewing, and I'll keep writing. K, by the way one last thing. Brought more characters in this one. If you can come up with anyone else to keep this party going let me know, and I'll try to incorporate them. And there's a Jake-Edward battle in this one too! I can't promise anything though._

_**Chapter 10- Chapter 6 friends**_

_**After kicking Emmett's ass once again at arm wrestling, we went on the dreaded THREE DAY SHOPPING TRIP!!!! I didn't even know malls were open 24 hours a day! But boy was Emmett shocked when Alice came home in my car and I came home driving a motorcycle. Alice kept true to her word and bought Emmett a motorcycle.**_

"_You have got to be kidding me," Rose said, raising one eyebrow._

"_Aww come on Rose, it'll be fun." Rose scowled at her husband._

_After taking a short break from the horrendous shopping trip, I got the book out again, and we started reading._

_**The motorcycles didn't need to be hidden any further than simply placing them in Jacob's shed. Billy's wheelchair couldn't maneuver the uneven ground separating it from the house. Jacob started pulling the first bike-the red one, which was destined for me-to pieces immediately.**_

"_Well, that's a great way to get a vehicle started again," Emmett said sarcastically. "Hm, doesn't it have to be together to work?"_

"_Well, if you take apart the pieces, then look each of them to see what's wrong with them, then…" But Emmett was already spaced out. We laughed. Rose whispered something sweet in his ear, and he came out of his daze in seconds. "Sorry bout that."_

_**He opened up the passenger door of the Rabbit so I could sit on the seat instead of the ground. While he worked, Jacob chattered happily, needing only the lightest of nudges from me to keep the conversation rolling.**_

"_Thanks friend," Jake said to me sarcastically. "Good to know that you were barely paying attention to what I was saying."_

"_Well, don't take it personally. Ask Mike and Angela as well. I was just as spaced out around them."_

_**He updated me on the progress of his sophomore year of school, running on about his classes and his two best friends. "Quil and Embry?" I interrupted. "Those are unusual names." Jacob chuckled. "Quil's a hand-me-down, and I think Embry got named after a soap opera star.**_

"_Oh Embry, I'm so sorry. I left you for my girlfriend Lily. I'm a lesbian. Ohhh, can you forgive me?" Emmett said in a girlie voice trying to pretend to twirl his hair, making fun of soap operas. We all cracked up laughing._

"_**I can't say anything, though. They fight dirty if you start on their names-they'll tag team you." "Good friends." I raised one eyebrow. "No, they are. Just don't mess with their names." Just then a call echoed in the distance. "Jacob?" someone shouted. "Is that Billy?" I asked. "No." Jacob ducked his head, and it looked like he was blushing under his brown skin.**_

"_Who was it?" Nessie asked him curiously._

"_Take one guess," Jake responded, grinning at her._

"_Embry and Quil????" Nessie responded excitedly. Jake grinned wider._

"_**Speak of the devil," he mumbled, "and the devil shall appear." "Jake? Are you out here?" The shouting voice was closer now. "Yeah!" Jacob shouted back, and sighed. We waited through the short silence until two tall, dark-skinned boys strolled around the corner into the shed.**_

_Uh oh, here comes the prankster twins, I laughed to myself. I concentrated a few seconds, and then was able to let Edward hear my thoughts. He chuckled._

_**One was slender, and almost as tall as Jacob. His black hair was chin-length and parted down in the middle, one side tucked behind his left ear while the right side swung free. The shorter boy was more burly. His white T-shirt strained over his well-developed chest, and he seemed gleefully conscious of that fact. His hair was so short it was almost a buzz.**_

"_Let me guess, he was already a werewolf," Edward commented._

"_What is with werewolves and short hair anyway?" Alice asked curiously._

"_We chop it off so our hair doesn't get in the way when we're running. Plus if our hair is too long, it gets all tangled up in werewolf form. However at that point, he wasn't. That's how his hair always looked."_

_**Both boys stopped short when they saw me. The thin boy glanced swiftly back and forth between Jacob and me, while the brawny boy kept his eyes on me, a slow smile spreading across his face. "Hey, guys," Jacob greeted them halfheartedly. "Hey Jake," the short one said without looking away from me.**_

"_Are you sure?" Edward asked again._

"_Yes, Embry was not a werewolf, but he did know because of me Bella hung out with you guys, and once dated you. The Quilieutes have been taught to hate you guys, because of circumstances."_

_Edward laughed, "Well, that didn't work out very well now did it? Mr. I imprint on your daughter who just happens to be a vampire_. We all snickered.

**I had to smile in response, his grin was so impish. When I did, he winked at me. "Hi, there." "Quil, Embry-this is my friend, Bella."**

"More like stalked love interest," Rose mumbled. Jake growled at her.

**Quil and Embry, I still don't know which was which exchanged a loaded look. "Charlie's kid, right?" the brawny boy asked me, holding out his hand. "That's right," I confirmed, shaking hands with him. His grasp was firm; it looked hike he was flexing his bicep. "I'm Quil Ateara," he announced grandly before releasing his hand. "Nice to meet you, Quil." "Hey Bella. I'm Embry, Embry Call-you probably already figured that out though.**

"Noooo, I thought you were the bride of Frankenstein," Emmett said sarcastically. I laughed a little.

**Embry smiled a shy smile and waved with one hand, which he then shoved in the pocket of his jeans. I nodded. "Nice to meet you, too." "So what are you guys doing?" Quil asked, still looking at me.**

"You know, it's rude to stare. You keep staring and I'll send you a vision, damnit!" Alice joked.

"I guess he was so dazzled by you, even before you were a vampire," Edward said, smirking. I snorted, and had to put my hand over my mouth to suppress the giggles. Just the thought of Quil liking me made me crack up, since I knew he was just a friend, and the only reason he was staring at me was because I hang out with the Cullens. Ok, now they're staring at me. Ok, maybe I should read again before they get confused.

"**Bella and I are going to fix up these bikes," Jacob explained inaccurately. But **_**bikes**_** seemed to be the magic word. Both boys went to examine Jacob's project, drilling him with educated questions. Many of the words they used were unfamiliar to me, and I figured I'd have to have a Y chromosome to really understand the excitement. They were still immersed in talk of parts and piece when I decided that I needed to head back home before Charlie showed up here.**

"Yeah, like I said before, that would be an interesting reaction to see," Jake smiled at me. I didn't smile back.

"Yeah, well _you_ should know!" I retorted back. Wow! That smile came off _really _fast.

**With a sigh, I slid out of the Rabbit. Jacob looked up, apologetic. "We're boring you, aren't we?" "Naw." And it wasn't a lie. I was **_**enjoying **_**myself-how strange. "I just have to go cook dinner for Charlie." "Oh…well, I'll finish taking these apart tonight and figure out what more we'll need to get started rebuilding them. When do you want to work on them again?"**

"Soon as possible so I can get over my asshole boyfriend who left and hurt me inside," Alice spoke for me. Edward looked really upset, so I comforted him.

"Come on Alice, I know it's upsetting, what he did, but he's coping, and we need to give him a little bit of a break," Jasper said, as if taking the words out of my mouth. I silently mouthed thank you to him.

"**Could I come back tomorrow?" Sundays were the bane of my existence. There was never enough homework to keep me busy. Quil nudged Embry's arm and they exchanged grins. Jacob smiled in delight. "That would be great!" "If you make a list, we can go shopping for parts," I suggested. Jacob's face fell a little. "I'm still not sure I should let you pay for everything."**

"There's no point of even trying, Jake," Edward said laughing. "When Bella wants to be, she can be as stubborn as Alice." Alice made a fake shocked face. She then folded her arms and humphed.

**I shook my head. "No way, I'm bankrolling this party. You just have to supply the labor and expertise." Embry rolled his eyes at Quill. "That doesn't seem right," Jacob shook his head. "Jake, if I took these to a mechanic, how much would he charge me?" I pointed out. He smiled. "Okay, you're getting a deal."**

"Told you so," Edward playfully scoffed at Jake. I witnessed Jake mouth the words _I know_ to Jake. Bad move, I saw it. Maybe he should have thought it instead.

"**Not to mention the riding lessons," I added. Quil grinned widely at Embry and whispered something I didn't catch. Jacob's hand flashed out to smack the back of Quil's head.**

"Oh great, they just met her, and they're already trying to get Bella away from me and with Jake," Edward laughed lightly. "Well, boys, it didn't work." Who was he talking to? Next thing I know it, I see Embry and Quil walk through the door.

"We read in Jake's mind that you guys are reading this book about all of us, and yes, yes we were, Edward," Quil said, smiling his big smile as usual.

"Hey boys, we still have room in here. Do you want to come listen?" Esme asked politely.

"A book about us and vamps and stuff, we wouldn't pass up the opportunity!" Embry responded. They walked over to sit next to Jake, and Quil picked up Nessie and swung her around. She giggled, which made us all in awe. Once it all settled down, I started again.

"**That's it, get out," he muttered. "No, really, I have to go," I protested, heading for the door. "I'll see you tomorrow, Jacob." As soon as I was out of site, I heard Quil and Embry chorus, "Wooooo!"**

"Ha ha, teenage hormones," Esme laughed. We all looked at her like _WHAT???_ "Oh please, I've been around this family long enough to know what that's like." We all laughed.

**The sound of a brief scuffle followed, interspersed with an "ouch" and a "hey!"**

"Well, what did you two expect me to do after you were giving wolf whistles and plotting a setup date for us!!!" Jake yelled at them, smiling, half yelling, half laughing.

"Well you seem…"

"Um…"

"Well…"

"Exactly my point," Jake responded, smirking at them.

"**If either of you set so much as one toe on my land tomorrow…" I heard Jacob threaten.**

"And they call _me _overprotective!" Edward said, between laughs.

"Yeah, seriously Jake. I think you might have an stalker problem," Quil joined in, laughing. Jake tackled him to the floor, after handing Renesmee to me. After a few minutes of laughing and wrestling, we settled down and read again.

**His voice was lost as I walked through the trees. I giggled quietly. The sound made my eyes widen in wonder. I was laughing, actually laughing, and there wasn't even anyone watching. I felt so weightless that I laughed again, just to make the feeling last longer. I beat Charlie home. When he walked in I was just taking the fried chicken out of the pan and laying it on a pile of paper towels. "Hey, Dad." I flashed him a grin. Shock flitted across his face before he pulled his expression together. "Hey, honey," he said, his voice uncertain. "Did you have fun with Jacob?"**

"I'll say," Embry said, smirking, and winking at me. Jake smacked him alongside the head.

**I started moving the food to the table. "Yeah, I did." "Well, that's good." He was still cautious. "What did you two do?"**

"Oh, nothing _major_," Emmett said sarcastically. "You know, just buy motorcycles and start to fix them up, so I can ride them and nearly give you a heart attack out of shock."

**Now it was my turn to be cautious. "I hung out in his garage and watched him work. Did you know he's rebuilding a Volkswagen?"**

"Wow, the girl can actually lie for once. And for once, not a bad lie if I must say so myself," Alice said smirking at me. I stuck my tongue out at her.

"**Yeah, I think Billy mentioned that." The interrogation had to stop when Charlie began chewing, but he continued to study my face as he ate.**

"Who knows, maybe he's planning to do artwork. You know, paint the depressed and helpless," Jasper commented. I opened my mouth to say something, then shut it and folded my arms in protest. He laughed.

**After dinner, I dithered around, cleaning the kitchen twice, and then did my homework slowly in the front room while Charlie watched a hockey game. I waited as long as I could, but finally Charlie mentioned the late hour. When I didn't respond, he got up, stretched, and then left, turning out the light behind him. Reluctantly, I followed.**

"Poor Charlie, it must have hurt him so badly to see his own daughter going through this much pain. I sure know what it's like," Jasper commented. I nodded. He had a rough time, because he didn't want to see his only child going through such a deep state of depression.

**As I climbed the stairs, I felt the last of the afternoon's abnormal sense of well-being drain from my system, replaced by a dull fear at the thought of what I was going to have to live through now. I wasn't numb anymore. Tonight would, no doubt, be as horrific as last night. I lay down on my bed an curled into a ball in preparation for the onslaught. I squeezed my eyes shut and…the next thing I knew, it was morning. **

I took a pause for a moment to see what Edward's reaction was. He looked pleasantly surprised, and was watching Jake with his head tilted and a half smile on his face was beginning to show.

**I stared at the pale silver light coming through my window, stunned. For the first time in more than four months, I'd slept without dreaming. Dreaming or screaming. I couldn't tell which emotion was stronger-the relief or the shock.**

Edward's smile grew bigger. "I guess I'm starting to see why Bella also fell in love with you. You truly were an amazing friend when I couldn't be there, and was being the idiot that I was, locked up in some attic in London. You really are an amazing friend, and I'm truly seeing that more and more every day. But this topped the cake," Edward finished to Jake. Jake smiled and nodded at him silently.

**I lay still in my bed for a few minutes, waiting for it to come back. Because something must be coming. If not the pain, then the numbness. I waited, but nothing happened. I felt more rested than I had in a long time.**

"Jake, I know Edward basically said what we were all feeling and thinking, but on behalf of the entire Cullen family. Thank you. If it wasn't for you, Bella might actually have killed herself that infamous day," Carlisle said sincerely. Jake smiled a small grin.

**I didn't trust this to last. It was a slippery, precarious edge that I balanced on, and it wouldn't take much to knock me back down. Just glancing around my room with these suddenly clear eyes-noticing how strange it looked, too tidy, like I didn't live here at all-was dangerous.**

"Well at that point, it really did feel that way, Bella," Embry commented. "We could see it in your eyes, even when you hung out with Jake.

"Of course, _that did get better over time_," Quil continued. Jake chuckled, while Edward's eye's narrowed on the three of them.

**I pushed that thought from my mind, and concentrated, as I got dressed, on the fact that I was going to see Jacob today. The thought made me feel almost…hopeful. Maybe it would be the same as yesterday. Maybe I wouldn't have to remind myself to look interested and to nod or smile at appropriate intervals, the way I had to with everyone else. Maybe…but I wouldn't trust this to last, either.**

"Well, thanks to Jake, the thought did last. Edward's right, Jake. You really did save me from my self in my time of need. It really helped big time," I said to Jake. He smiled at me and I got up and gave him a hug. After I sat back down, I started reading again.

**Wouldn't trust it to be the same-so easy-as yesterday. I wasn't going to set myself up for disappointment like that. At breakfast, Charlie was being careful, too. He tried to hide his scrutiny, keeping his eyes on his eyes, until he thought I wasn't looking. "What are you up to today?" he asked, eyeing a loose thread on the edge of his cuff like he wasn't paying much attention to my answer. "I'm going to hang out with Jacob again." He nodded without looking up. "Oh," he said.**

"Oh, right. Because I'm sure that on the inside, he was going YES YES YES!!!!!!" Alice joked. I laughed pretty hard. Knowing my father, that was probably exactly what he was thinking.

"**Do you mind?" I pretended to worry. "I could stay…" He glanced up quickly, a hint of panic in his eyes. "No, no! You go ahead. Harry was going to come up to watch the game with me anyway." "Maybe Harry could give Billy a ride up," I suggested. The fewer witnesses the better.**

"Amen to that," Jake commented. "I mean, my dad doesn't mind me fixing up cars like I do, but bikes are a whole different situation. Although, he did get used to it after a while. But, boy oh boy, do I remember what it was like when Charlie told him about our bike ordeal," Jake continued, reminiscing. When he was done, he shook his head in amazement and laughed.

"**That's a great idea." I wasn't sure if the game was just an excuse for kicking me out, but he looked excited enough now. He headed for the phone while I donned my rain jacket. I felt self-conscious with the checkbook shoved in my jacket pocket. It was something I never used. Outside, the rain came down like water slopped from a bucket.**

"Gotta love Forks rain, huh Bella?" Emmett teased.

"Yeah, just _love it, _Emmett, just love it," I answered, speaking sarcastically. He laughed.

**I had to drive more slowly than I wanted to; I could hardly see a car length in front of the truck. But I finally made it through te muddy lanes to Jacob's house. Before I'd killed the engine, the front door opened and Jacob came running out with a huge black umbrella.**

"Hey dog, a little overeager to impress your crush are we?" Rose mocked. Jake stood in a stance, but Nessie was in his arms, and it helped her calm down.

"Come on, Jakie. Let's sit and hear mommy and daddy's story!" Jake smiled at her and sat.

**He held it over my door while I opened it. "Charlie called-said you were on your way," Jacob explained with a grin. Effortlessly, without a conscious command to the muscles around my lips, my answering smile spread across my face. A strange feeling of warmth bubbled up in my throat, despite the icy rain splattering on my cheeks.**

"Bella, I'm glad that you found a friend who brought you back to life, so-to-speak, but no offense, Jake. Did it have to be a werewolf? I mean for crying out loud, I leave to protect you from magical beings, and you fall for the first one you find!!" Edward said, incredulously. I shrugged my shoulders and chuckled a little. Edward put his head down in defeat, and joined in the laughter.

"**Hi, Jacob." "Good call on inviting Billy up." He held up his hand for a high five. I had to reach so high to slap his hand that he laughed. Harry showed up to get Billy just a few minutes later. Jacob took me on a brief tour of his tiny room while we waited to be unsupervised. **

"Dude, I have some awesome memories in that _tiny_ room though, Jake pouted, emphasizing the word _tiny_. I laughed.

"Well, don't worry about that. Now you have a giant mansion to stay in til you marry Renesmee," I answered, still laughing. Jake pouted more, until he saw Nessie huff and fold her arms in playful anger. Jake kissed her forehead and smiled. She looked up at him and smiled back. Aww.

"**So where to, Mr. Goodwrench?" I asked as soon as the door closed behind Billy. Jacob pulled a folded paper out of his pocket and smoothed it out. "We'll start at the dump first, see if we can get lucky. This could get a little expensive," he warned me.**

"Jake, Jake, Jake," Edward said laughing. "How many times do we need to explain this to you? Bella=stubborn mule. Jake=helpless soon to be werewolf." I laughed my ass off.

"**Those bikes are going to need a lot of help before they'll run again." My face didn't look worried enough, so he continued. "I'm talking about maybe more than a hundred dollars."**

"That's not a lot of money at all," Alice commented. "I spent $16,500 in the last three days, and you're worried about spending a 100 dollars???"

"I'm sorry, pixie. But not everyone can afford the earth like you can," Jake responded. Alice pouted.

**I pulled my checkbook out, fanned myself with it, and rolled my eyes at his worries. "We're covered."**

"Oh no, my Bella is becoming a mini Alice," Edward said with a fake shocked face. I laughed and reached up to kiss his cheek.

**It was a very strange kind of day. I enjoyed myself. Even at the dump, in the slopping rain and ankle-deep mud. I wondered at first if it was just the aftershock of losing the numbness, but I didn't think that was enough of an explanation. I was beginning to think it was mostly Jacob. It wasn't just that he was always so happy to see me, or that he didn't watch me out of the corner of his eye, waiting for me to do something that would mark me as crazy or depressed.**

"Yeah, well. When you come from a group of people who are very superstitious, you start to think they're more crazy than your own friends," Jake commented, smiling.

**It was nothing that related to me at all. It was Jacob himself. Jacob was simply a perpetually happy person, and he carried that happiness with him like an aura, sharing it with whoever was near him. Like an earthbound sun, whenever someone was within his gravitational pull. Jacob warmed them. It was natural, a part of who he was. No wonder I was so eager to see him. Even when he commented on the gaping hole in my dashboard, it didn't send me into a panic like it should have.**

"Yeah, well sorry about the giant gaping hole, Jake and Emmett. That'd be my fault," Edward said glumly, with his eyes looking at the floor.

"**Did the stereo break?" he wondered. "Yeah," I lied. He poked around in the cavity. "Who took it out? There's a lot of damage…" "I did," I admitted. He laughed. "Maybe you shouldn't touch the motorcycles too much."**

"I would have to agree with Jake on that one, Bells," Emmett said, laughing.

"I second that."

"I third that."

"HEY!" I said in protest. But all the guys in the room snickered. Meanies!

"**No problem." According to Jacob, we did get lucky at the dump. He was very excited about several grease-blackened pieces of twisted metal that he found. I was just impressed that he could tell what they were supposed to be. From there we went to the Checker Auto Parts down in Hoquiam. In my truck, it was more than a two hour drive south on the winding freeway, but the time passed easily with Jacob.**

"Yeah, well. In your hot Ferrari, you'd get there in less than an hour," Edward commented.

"Twenty minutes, if you were driving," I responded. He laughed.

**He chattered about his friends and his school, and I found myself asking questions, not even pretending, truly curious to hear what he had to say. "I'm doing all the talking," he complained after a long story about Quil and the trouble he'd stirred up by asking out a senior's steady girlfriend.**

"Oh my G-d! I remember that. Poor Quil. The senior came up to you and smacked you right in the face! Don't you wish you were a werewolf at that point?? You would have _so _gotten the girl, after beating that guy up!!" Embry said laughing. Quil squeezed his eyebrows together in anger at Embry, while the rest of us chuckled.

"**Why don't you take a turn? What's going on in Forks? It has to be more exciting than La Push." "Wrong," I sighed. "There's really nothing. Your friends are a lot more interesting than mine. I like your friends. Quil's funny." He frowned. "I think he Quil likes you, too." I laughed. "He's a little young for me."**

"That was why I didn't like you in that way at first also. Because, at first, I didn't think about the fact that you are so mature for your age. I just viewed you as a 16 year old kid hanging out with the older kids," I commented. Jake did a fake shock. I laughed.

**Jacob's frown deepened. "He's not that much younger than you. It's just a year and a few months." I had a feeling we weren't talking about Quil anymore. I kept my voice light, teasing. "Sure, but, considering the difference in maturity between guys and girls, don't you have to count that in dog years? What does that make me, about twelve years older?"**

"Ah, so that's where the stupid counting thing comes from. I hear you guys teasing each other about ages all the time, but never understood what the hell you two were up to???" Edward said. Jake and I rolled on the floor laughing our asses off. (ok I know I could have written roflmao but I thought it looked funnier writing it out at this moment.)

**He laughed, rolling his eyes. "Okay, but if you're going to get picky like that, you have to average in size, too. You're so small, I'll have to knock ten years off your total."**

"This could be the most ridiculous, insane conversation I've ever heard!" Alice said, cracking up.

"**Five foot four is perfectly average." I sniffed. "It's not my fault you're a freak."**

"Yay, I'm finally able to say that I'm proud to call you my sister," Rose teased. Jake stuck his tongue out at her. So did Nessie, apparently.

"You leave my Jakie alone!" She tried to sound angry, but it sounded really cute, so we all laughed.

**We bantered like that till Hoquiam, still arguing over the correct formula to determine age-I lost two more years because I didn't know how to change a tire, but gained one back for being in charge of the bookkeeping at my house-until we were in Checker, and Jacob had to concentrate again. We found everything left on his list, and Jacob felt confident that he would make a lot of progress with our haul.**

"Just great, Jake, just great. What are you trying to do, get my girlfriend killed??"

"Excuse me, but at that point, you were not boyfriend-girlfriend!"

"Well, that doesn't matter. If you knew Bella at all, you would know helping her fix up motorcycles is a very stupid thing to do."

"I'm sorry if I was trying to spend time with her to cheer her up because her idiot boyfriend left her hanging in the dust."

This went on for a couple of minutes, with everyone's eyes moving back and forth between Jake and Edward. Before things got any more awkward I shouted the next sentence.

**BY THE TIME WE GOT BACK TO LA PUSH, I WAS TWENTY-THREE AND HE WAS THIRTY.**

They suddenly shut up, looking up at me, both surprised.

"Can we get on with the story now?" They both nodded, looking ashamed. All of a sudden, I felt a wave of calmness. Thank goodness, we really needed that.

**He was definitely weighting skills in his favor. I hadn't forgotten the reason for what I was doing. And, even though I was enjoying myself more than I'd thought possible, there was no lessening of my original desire. I still wanted to cheat. It was senseless, and I really didn't care. I was going to be as reckless as I could possibly manage in Forks. I would not be the only keeper on an empty contract.**

"Excuse me, madam!" Edward said, smiling my favorite crooked smile at me, and folding his arms. "Technically, I didn't break the contract. You were hallucinating."

"Yeah, but I couldn't help it. I would do anything at that point just to hear you again."

**Getting to spend time with Jacob was just a much bigger perk than I'd expected. Billy wasn't back yet, so we didn't have to be sneaky about unloading our day's spoils. As soon as we had everything laid out on the plastic floor next to Jacob's toolbox, he went right to work, still talking and laughing while his fingers combed through the metal pieces in front of him. Jacob's skill with his hands was fascinating. They looked too big for the delicate tasks they performed with ease and precision.**

"Err, Bella, just a little question? Have you ever seen a thin, short, lanky mechanic?" Jake asked in amazement.

"No, but your hands are like, well, they're like a wolf's hands!!" I teased. He grinned at me.

**While he worked, he seemed almost graceful. Unlike when he was on his feet; there, his height and big feet made him nearly as dangerous as I was.**

"You're dangerous?" Emmett asked, laughing really hard. Edward and Jasper joined in and chuckled. I growled at all three of them, which, coincidentally, made them laugh harder! Grr!

**Quil and Embry did not show up, so maybe his threat yesterday had been taken seriously.**

"Or maybe we wanted to our Jakie here to have some alone time with his Bells," Quil said smiling. I threw a pillow at him.

"Ow!" He said, rubbing the spot on the head where I hit him. I giggled.

**The day passed too quickly. It got dark outside the mouth of the garage before I was expecting in, and then we heard Billy calling for us. I jumped up to help Jacob put things away, hesitating because I wasn't sure what I should touch.**

"Smart move, Bells," Jake smiled. "Knowing your luck and skill, somehow the entire garage would fall apart, not just the bikes." I stuck my tongue out at him.

"**Just leave it," he said. "I'll work on it later tonight." "Don't forget your schoolwork or anything," I said, feeling a little guilty. I didn't want him to get in trouble. That plan was just for me. "Bella?" Both our heads snapped up as Charlie's familiar voice wafted through the trees, sounding closer than the house.**

"My goodness, you really just are a danger magnet," Edward chuckled. "If it isn't vampires and werewolves, it's coming seconds within getting caught in trouble."

"**Shoot," I muttered. "Coming!" I yelled toward the house. "Let's go." Jacob smiled, enjoying the cloak-and-dagger. He snapped the light off, and for a moment, I was blind. Jacob grabbed my hand and towed me out of the garage and through the trees, his feet finding the familiar path easily. His had was rough, and very warm.**

"How far were you at that point from becoming a werewolf if your hand was nearly hot and you were tall as hell?" Edward asked curiously.

"I was very close to it, and had no idea that it would happen." Edward nodded, understanding what Jake meant.

**Despite the path, we were both tripping over our feet in the darkness. So we were also both laughing when the house came into view. The laughter did not go deep; it was light and superficial, but still nice. I was sure he wouldn't notice the faint hint of hysteria. I wasn't used to laughing, and it felt right and also so wrong at the same time.**

"Bells, I know you were hurting, but there's nothing wrong with a whole-hearted laugh from time to time," Emmett said honestly. I tried to smile at him, but it came out strangely.

**Charlie was standing under the little back porch, and Billy was standing in the doorway behind them. "Hey, Dad," we both said at the same time, and that started us laughing again. Charlie stared at me with wide eyes that flashed down to note Jacob's hand around mine.**

"If I could take one guess, I would guess he would be again saying in his head YES! YES! YES!" Alice said laughing. We laughed with her, because that is _so_ true.

"**Billy invited us for dinner," Charlie said to us in an absentminded tone. "My super secret recipe for spaghetti. Handed down for generations."**

Jake burst out laughing at this point. "Yeah right! More like cooked pasta with a jar of sauce homemade!"

**Jacob snorted. "I don't think Ragu's actually been around that long."**

"See? I told you so!" We all laughed.

**The house was crowded. Harry Clearwater was there, too, with his family-his wife, Sue, whom I knew vaguely from my childhood summers in Forks, and the two children.**

"Dude, we should so set up Charlie and Sue. I mean, how perfect would that be?" Jake commented.

"I'd love the idea, except for the thought of having Leah as a sister!" Quil and Embry burst out laughing, while Jake shuttered at the thought. Honestly, they would fit together well, wouldn't they? Hmm, must remember that for later. Alice looked away for a few seconds, having a vision, and then looked at me with a HUGE grin on her face. Hmm, maybe they will end up together.

**Leah was a senior like me, but a year older. She was beautiful in an exotic way-perfect copper skin, glistening**

"OME! She's a werewolf and a vampire????" Emmett asked incredulously.

**Glistening black hair.**

"Oh, oops. That would have been cool though," Emmett continued. We all laughed. (gotta love Emmett huh?)

**And preoccupied. She was on Billy's phone when we got in, and she never let it go. Seth was fourteen; he hung on Jacob's every word with idolizing eyes. There were too many of us for the kitchen table, so Charlie and Harry brought chairs out to the yard, and we ate spaghetti off plates on our laps in the dim light from Billy's open door. **

"Ugh, spaghetti. I don't even remember what it tastes like anymore," I honestly said, and I meant it. Ever since I was turned, just the thought of regular food makes me sick, and I come from an Italian background!! (I'm guessing because of her name)

**The men talked about the game, and Harry and Charlie made fishing plans. Sue teased her husband about his cholesterol and tried, unsuccessfully, to shame him into eating something green and leafy. Jacob talked mostly to me and Seth, who interrupted eagerly whenever Jacob seemed in danger of forgetting him.**

"Oh trust me, with a kid like Seth, it's hard to forget about him. He's so outspoken," Jake said laughing. I agreed.

**Charlie watched me, trying to be inconspicuous about it, with pleased but cautious eyes. It was loud and sometimes confusing as everyone talked over everyone else, and the laughter from one joke interrupted the telling of another. I didn't have to speak often, but I smiled a lot, and only because I felt like it. I didn't want to leave.**

"I wonder why. Could it be because of Jakie boy?" Embry teased. I pretended to zipper my mouth shut, and then Alice got up and unzipped it. Edward and Carlisle chuckled.

**This was Washington, though, and the inevitable rain eventually broke up the party; Billy's living room was much too small to provide an option for continuing the get-together. Harry had driven Charlie down, so we rode together in my truck on the way back home. He'd asked about my day, and I told mostly the truth-that I'd gone with Jacob to look at parts and then watched him work in the garage. "You think you'll visit anytime soon?" he wondered, trying to be casual about it.**

"Oh yeah, right. Casual. All he wants at this point is to get Bella and Jake together. That way, she can be happy again, and forget about me altogether," Edward scoffed. "Well, honestly. If I didn't get the call from Rose, I probably would have come back a few months later, anyway. I don't know how much longer I could handle going through the pain." I smiled at Edward, fully understanding his pain.

"**Tomorrow after school," I admitted. "I'll take homework, don't worry." "You be sure to do that," he ordered, trying to disguise his satisfaction. I was nervous when we got to the house. I didn't want to go upstairs. The warmth of Jacob's presence was fading and, in its absence, the anxiety grew stronger. I was sure I wouldn't get away with two peaceful nights of sleep in a row. To put bedtime off, I checked my e-mail; there was a new message from Renee. She wrote about her day, a new book club that filled the time slot of the meditation class she'd just quit.**

Edward laughed. "She really doesn't stay involved in one activity very long, does she?" I laughed with him. So true.

**Her week subbing in the second grade, missing her kindergarteners. She wrote that Phil was enjoying his new coaching job, and that they were planning a second trip to Disney World.**

Emmett started jumping up and down. So did Nessie. "I WANNA GO TO DISNEY WORLD! I WANNA GO TO DISNEY WORLD!" they shouted at the same time. We all cracked up laughing, while Jasper desperately struggled to try and calm down the two hyper _children_. Oh G-d, I can't even imagine what it would be like to go to Disney with Emmett. I shuddered at the thought. I focused for a moment and opened my shield. Edward heard my thoughts and chuckled.

**And I noticed that the whole thing read like a journal entry, rather than a letter to someone else. Remorse flooded through me, leaving an uncomfortable sting behind. Some daughter I was. I wrote back to her quickly, commenting on each part of her letter, volunteering information on my own-describing the spaghetti party at Bill's and how I felt watching Jacob build useful things out of small pieces of metal-awed and slightly envious.**

"Interesting description there, Bella," Edward said with a small chuckle. "_Small pieces of metal_. I know you're mother. She's not that dumb." I chuckled.

**I made no reference to the change this letter would be from the ones she'd received in the last several month. I could barely remember what I'd written to her even as recently as last week, but I was sure it wasn't very responsive.**

I stopped because I saw Alice go in to a haze for a moment. She laughed. "To say not very responsive is like saying Edward is only a little dazzling. Give me a break, Bella. Your mother must have been going crazy over wondering what on earth was going on in your head."

**The more I thought about it, the guiltier I felt; I really must have worried her. I stayed up extra late after that, finishing more homework than strictly necessary. But neither sleep deprivation nor the time spent with Jacob-being almost happy in a shallow kind of way-could keep the dream away for two nights in a row. I woke shuddering, my scream muffled by the pillow.**

"My poor Bella. Oh, how I hate to see you in pain like this," Edward said rubbing my back. I half-smiled at him.

**As the dim morning light filtered through the fog outside my window, I lay still in bed and tried to shake off the dream. There had been a small difference last night, and I concentrated on that. Last night I had not been alone in the woods. Sam Uley-the man who had pulled me from the forest floor that night I couldn't bear to think of consciously-was there.**

"And the hallucinations get even crazier," Alice commented, glaring towards Edward. Edward looked down, and took a deep, unnecessary breath.

**It was an odd, unexpected alteration. The man's dark eyes had been surprisingly unfriendly, filled with some secret he didn't seem inclined to share.**

"Oh my goodness, our little sis is having visions now!" Emmett exclaimed. "Don't turn into another Alice on us, please. I can't handle another Alice.

"Don't worry, Em. It was just a dream. I would have never known at that point, that he actually did have a secret. I mean really, how would I have known that," I pointed out. He opened his mouth and then shut it again.

**I'd stared at him as often as my frantic searching had allowed; it made me uncomfortable, under all the usual panic, to have him there. Maybe that was because, when I didn't look directly at him, his shape seemed to shiver and change in my peripheral vision. Yet he did nothing but stand and watch. Unlike the time when we had met in reality, he did not offer me his help.**

"No, probably because, even in a dream, he was scared of hurting you more than helping you," Jake pointed out.

"And again, I know that now. But I didn't then."

**Charlie stared at me during breakfast, and I tried to ignore him. I supposed I deserved it. I couldn't expect him not to worry. It would probably be weeks before he stopped watching for the return of the zombie,**

"HAHA!!! I told you that you were in total zombie mode!!" Jake shouted in delight. "Now I wish I made one of those crazy bets with your brothers!"

**And I would just have to try to not let it bother me. After all, I would be watching for the return of the zombie, too. Two days was hardly long enough to call me cured. School was the opposite. Now that I was paying attention, it was clear that no one was watching here. I remembered the first day I'd come to Forks High School-how desperately I'd wished that I could turn gray, fade into the wet concrete of the sidewalk like an oversized chameleon.**

"Yeah, when you're in a school as small as Forks, and you know someone like Alice, who not only sees a vision of you coming, but then goes to tell everyone in the fricken school, that's not going to happen," Jasper said laughing. Wait a minute, Alice had a vision of me coming??????

"Wait, if you had a vision of me coming to the school, did you also know?…

"No. Honestly, I had no idea that you would smell that good, or that Edward would fall for you and vice versa. All I knew that you would be the talk of the school, and we would somehow be involved." I nodded.

**It seemed I was getting that wish answered, a year late. It was like I wasn't there. Even my teachers' eyes slid past my seat as if it were empty.**

"My poor Bella," Edward said. "No one should treat you like you aren't there. You're too good for that." I smiled up at him.

**I listened all through the morning, hearing once again the voices of the people around me. I tried to catch up on what was going on, but the conversations were so disjointed that I gave up. Jessica didn't look up when I sat down next to her in Calculus. "Hey, Jess," I said with put-on nonchalance. "How was the rest of your weekend?"**

"What are you trying to do, torture her?" Edward said as he chuckled, and Emmett boomed with his boisterous laughter.

"Well, after finishing off that particular weekend with a bang, I thought I'd poke a little fun at it," I responded, now laughing as well.

**She looked at me with suspicious eyes. Could she still be angry? Or was she just too impatient to deal with a crazy person? "Super," she said, turning back to her book. "That's good," I mumbled. The figure of speech **_**cold shoulder**_** seemed to have some literal truth to it. I could feel the warm air blowing from the floor vents, but I was still too cold. I took the jacket off the back of my chair and put it on again.**

"Ironic, or coincidence?" Alice said raising an eyebrow. Emmett snickered a little.

**My fourth hour class got out late, and the lunch table I always sat at was full by the time I arrived. Mike was there, Jessica and Angela, Conner, Tyler, Eric and Lauren. Katie Marshall, the redheaded junior who lived around the corner from me, was sitting with Eric, and Austin Marks-older brother to the boy with the motorcycles-was next to her.**

"What's with all the stupid names, dumb author????" Embry asked incredulously. "I wanna see the sex scenes between Jakie and Bella." Jake smacked him over the head. I shook my head, amazed.

**I'd wondered how long they'd been sitting there, unable to remember if this was the first day or something that was a regular habit. I was beginning to get annoyed with myself. I might as well have been packed in Styrofoam peanuts through the last semester.**

"Hey bro," Emmett nudged Jasper. "I've got an idea for a prank," he continued. Edward read his mind and growled. "Damnit, I forgot to not think about it in my head!"

**No one looked up when I sat down next to Mike, even though the chair squealed stridently against the linoleum as I dragged it back. I tried to catch up with the conversation. Mike and Conner were talking sports, so I gave up on that one at once. "Where's Ben today?" Lauren was asking Angela. I perked up, interested. I wondered if that meant Angela and Ben were still together.**

"Man oh man, Bella. I wish I was there. You know I would have filled you in on all the gushy gossip. After all, I am the self-proclaimed gossip queen," Alice said to me. I laughed.

**I barely recognized Lauren. She'd cut off all her blond, corn-silk hair-now she had a pixie cut so short that the back was shaved like a boy. What an odd thing for her to do. I wished I knew the reason behind it. Did she get gum stuck in it? Did she sell it? Had all the people she was habitually nasty to caught her behind the gym and scalped her?**

"That would _so_ be something I would do, if I could catch up to her," Alice admitted honestly. "I mean really, this is my best friend and sister we're talking about here. How can you treat her like a piece of junk?"

"Well, I didn't treat her a lot better either, Alice," I responded.

**I decided it wasn't fair for me to judge her now by my former opinion. For all I knew, she'd turned into a nice person. "Ben's got the stomach flu," Angela said in her quiet, calm voice. "Hopefully it's just some twenty-four hour thing. He was really sick last night." Angela had changed her hair, too. She'd grown out her layers. "What did you two do this weekend?" Jessica asked, not sounding as if she cared about the answers.**

"Sounds like someone else we know around here," Jake said, pointing his comment at me. I shrugged my shoulders and sighed.

**I'd bet that this was just an opener so she could tell her own stories. I wondered if she would talk about Port Angeles with me sitting two seats away? Was I invisible, that no one would feel uncomfortable discussing me while I was here? "We were going to have a picnic Saturday, actually, but…we changed our minds," Angela said. There was an edge to her voice that caught my interest. Jess, not so much.**

"I swear, there could be a bombimg in the next town over, and Jess would still be nonchalant about it! Jeez, does that girl have any care in the world besides her own??" Alice asked in amazement.

"**That's too bad," she said, about to launch into her story. But I wasn't the only one who was paying attention. "What happened?" Lauren asked curiously. "Well," Angela said, seeming more hesitant than usual, though she was always reserved, "we drove up north, almost to the hot springs-there's a good spot just about a mile up the trail. But, when we were halfway there…we saw something there."**

"**Saw something? What?" Lauren's pale eyebrows pulled together. Even Jess seemed to be listening now. "I don't know," Angela said. "We **_**think**_** it was a bear. It was black, anyway, but it seemed…too big."**

"Those stinken bears again, huh?" Jake asked the book, while we all laughed.

**Lauren snorted. "Oh, not you, too!" Her eyes turned mocking, and I decided I didn't need to give her the benefit of the doubt. Obviously her personality had not changed as much as her hair. "Tyler tried to sell me that one last week."**

"Ugh, seriously. I wish this author didn't even write Lauren Jessica into the book. They are two of the most annoying girls I ever met!" I exclaimed. I looked around and saw that most people, strangely enough, agreed.

"Unless you count Alice," Edward pointed out teasingly. I cracked up. I then turned to Alice and before she got mad, I mouthed the words _love ya girl_!

"**You're not going to see any bears that close to the resort," Jessica said, siding with Lauren. "Really," Angela protested in a low voice, looking down at the table. "We did see it." Lauren snickered. Mike was still talking to Conner, not paying attention to the girls. "No, she's right," I threw in impatiently. "We had a hiker in just Saturday who saw the bear to, Angela. He said it was huge and black and just outside of town, didn't he, Mike?"**

Edward laughed a little. "My goodness, boys. I never thought that your group would be the talk of the next town over. Isn't it usually who's dating who, who broke up with who, and who's that new girl in town?" he went on to say, while chuckling. I laughed after the last line.

**There was a moment of silence. Every pair of eyes at the table turned to stare at me in shock. The new girl, Katie, had her mouth hanging open like she'd just witnessed an explosion. "Mike?" I muttered, mortified. "Remember the guy with the bear story?" "S-sure," Mike stuttered after a second. I didn't know why he was looking at me so strangely. I talked to him at work, didn't I? Did I? I thought so…**

Alice scoffed. "Some friend he is. He's so nice and friendly at work, and then WHAM! Like you guys never talk at work, and he plays his little stalker games."

**Mike recovered. "Yeah, there was a guy who said he saw a huge black bear right at the trailhead-bigger than a grizzly," he confirmed. "Hmph." Lauren turned to Jessica, her shoulders stiff, and changed the subject. "Did you hear back from USC?" she asked. Everyone else looked away, too, except for Mike and Angela. Angela smiled at me tentatively, and I hurried to return the smile. "So, what did you do this weekend, Bella?" Mike asked, curious, but oddly wary.**

"Woah, man. Wrong question to ask," Emmett said laughing.

"Figures, they finally talk to her, and now they bring up the one subject the girl is trying to avoid," Edward ringed in, laughing as well.

**Everyone but Lauren and Jessica looked back, waiting for my response. "Friday night, Jessica and I went to a movie in Port Angeles. And then I spent Saturday afternoon and most of Sunday down at La Push." The eyes flickered to Jessica and back to me. Jess looked irritated. I wondered if she didn't want anyone to know she'd gone out with me, or whether she just wanted to be the one to tell the story.**

"Knowing her, it was probably a combination of the two. I mean, I know she hated the trip Friday night, but she is the gossip queen after all."

"**What movie did you see?" Mike asked, starting to smile. "**_**Dead End**_**-the one with the zombies." I grinned in encouragement. Maybe some of the damage I'd done in these past zombie months was reparable. "I heard that was scary. Did you think so?" Mike was eager to continue the conversation. "Bella had to leave at the end, she was so freaked," Jessica inserted with a sly smile.**

"What is she trying to do? Make my best friend look like a scaredy cat?? Ugh, she is so annoying," Alice commented. Edward stared at her in amazement, because we all knew that Alice sometimes is no better. But unlike Jessica, we love Alice and would never say anything mean about her.

**I nodded, trying to look embarrassed. "It was pretty scary." Mike didn't stop asking me question til lunch was over. Gradually, the others were able to start up their own conversations again, though they still looked at me a lot. Angela talked mostly to Mike and me, and, when I got up to dump my tray, she followed.**

"See, Bella, those are your true friends. You shouldn't be worrying about idiots like Lauren and Jessica. No one else seemed to mind the fact that you were chatting it up. You gotta let things go sometimes," Edward said calmly to me.

"Yeah, well. Did I ever let you go after you left?" He stared at me in shock. After Jasper sent a calm wave over us, I read again.

"**Thanks," she said in a low voice when we were away from the table. For what?" "Speaking up, sticking up for me." "No problem." She looked at me with concern, but not the offensive, maybe-she's-lost-it-kind. "Are you okay?" This is why I'd picked Jessica over Angela-though I'd always liked Angela more-for the girls' night movie. Angela was too perceptive.**

"You do know that's not a bad thing, right?" Jake teased. I stuck my tongue out at him.

"**Not completely," I admitted. "But I'm a little bit better." "I'm glad," she said. "I've missed you." Lauren and Jessica strolled by us then, and I heard Lauren whisper loudly, "Oh, **_**joy. **_**Bella's back."**

"Man, I wish I could just go up to the two of them and punch them in the noses. It would _so_ be worth it, even if I got detention," Emmett said pounding his fist to his hand.

"I wouldn't have gotten in your way, if you did it," I responded, grinning from ear to ear.

**Angela rolled her eyes at them, and smiled at me in encouragement. I sighed. It was like I was starting all over again. "What's today's date?" I wondered suddenly. "It's January nineteenth." "Hmm." "What is it?" Angela asked. "It was a year ago yesterday that I had my first day here," I mused. "Nothing's changed much," Angela muttered, looking after Lauren and Jessica. "I know, I agreed. "I was just thinking the same thing."**

**K well that's the chapter. I definitely struggled with this one. I had trouble with the add-on commentary. It was a very slow chapter. But I hoped you liked it, and I'll see you next chapter.**


	11. Chapter 11

_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or else I wouldn't be living in an apt with no job. I'd be living in a mansion._

_Well here's another chapter. That last chapter was difficult to write, because it was slow, and I had trouble with the commentary. So keep reviewing. Oh, and guess what, just looked ahead in the chapter. It's the one where they ride for the first time! Oh man, I'm having fun with this chapter!! I added some of my own other interests into this one, and had a lot of fun. Anyway, although I'm starting to see why people give up on these types of stories. But here's my promise. I will not drop out of this project. I'm too involved._

_**Chapter 11 (Chapter 7 repetition)**_

_**I wasn't sure what the hell I was doing here. Was I **__**trying **_**to push myself back into the zombie stupor? Had I turned masochistic-developed a taste for torture? I should have gone straight down to La Push. I felt much, much healthier around Jacob. **_**This **_**was not a healthy thing to do. But I continued to drive slowly down the overgrown lane, twisting through the trees that arched over me like a green, living tunnel.**

"You have got to be kidding me, Bella. You went into the woods looking for me??" Edward pointed out, incredulously.

"Hey Edward, never mind the fact that her traveling into the woods eventually got her into a _very_ bad situation," Jake pointed out. Embry and Quil nodded, agreeing. Edward frowned.

**My hands were shaking, so I tightened my grip on the steering wheel. I knew that part of the reason I did this was the nightmare; now that I was really awake, the nothingness of the dream gnawed on my nerves, a dog worrying a bone. There **_**was **_**something to search for. Unattainable and impossible, uncaring and distracted…but **_**he**_** was out there, somewhere. I had to believe that.**

I stopped for a minute, remembering what eventually happened from all my searching in the forest. I took a deep breath before reading again.

**The other part was the strange sense of repetition I'd felt at school today, the coincidence of the date. The feeling that I was starting over-perhaps the way my first day would have gone if I'd really been the most unusual person in the cafeteria that afternoon.**

"But, Bella. You are an unusual girl," Emmett teased. I stuck my tongue out at him.

**The words ran through my head, tonelessly, like I was reading them rather than hearing them spoken. **_**It will be as if I'd never existed**_**.**

"Yeah, that didn't work out that well, did it Bella?" Embry asked. No one answered.

"We kind of went through that rough point earlier in the book, and we're trying to avoid it to make it a calmer environment," Esme explained to him. He nodded quietly.

**I was lying to myself by splitting my reason for coming here into just two parts. I didn't want to admit the strongest motivation. Because it was mentally unsound. The truth was that I wanted to hear his voice again, like I had in the strange delusion Friday night.**

"Wait, you heard Edward's voice?" Quil asked me confused.

Edward got up and took him into the other room to tell him everything, so we wouldn't get upset again. When they came back in, Quil and Embry both looked upset.

**For that brief moment, when his voice came from some other part of me than my conscious memory, when his voice was perfect and honey smooth rather than the pale echo my memories usually produced, I was able to remember without pain.**

"K, honestly, I hate the fact that you are hallucinating and doing bad things to hear my voice. However, if it's what is keeping you sane, what an oxymoron there none-the-less, I'm just glad you found a comfort besides Jake to keep you alive during those terrible months." I nodded.

**It hadn't lasted; the pain had caught up with me, so I was sure it would for this fool's errand. But those precious moments when I could hear him again were an irresistible lure. I had to find some way to repeat the experience…or maybe the better word was **_**episode**_**. I was hoping that déjà vu was the key.**

"Hey Bells, when I hallucinated about you at the beginning, I wasn't that much different. I would do anything to hear you again. I missed you as much as you missed me."

**So I was going to his house, a place I hadn't been since my ill-fated birthday party, so many months ago. The thick, almost jungle-like growth crawled slowly past my windows. The drive wound on and on. I started to go faster, getting edgy. How long had I been driving? Shouldn't I have reached the house yet?**

"Well you know, Bells. We built the house that way on purpose. We didn't want to get caught hunting to close to the rest of the town," Carlisle informed me.

"Yeah, but still. She shouldn't have been going looking for the house. It would just get her more upset. At least, that's what I think would happen," Jasper said.

**The lane was so overgrown that it did not look familiar. What if I couldn't find it? I shivered. What if there was no tangible proof at all/**

Right then, Emmett boomed laughing. "Right, because would we be sitting here now in the same house, if there was no proof?" I grinned at him.

**Then there was the break in the trees that I was looking for, only it was not so pronounced as before. The flora here did not wait long to reclaim any land that was left unguarded. The tall ferns had infiltrated the meadow around the house, crowding against the trunks of the cedars, even the wide porch. It was like the lawn had been flooded-waist-high-with green, feathery waves.**

"Nice neighbors." Quil laughed. "They don't even take care of their place when they're out for a few months." We laughed.

**And the house **_**was**_** there, but it was not the same. Though nothing had changed on the outside, the emptiness screamed from the blank windows. It was creepy. For the first time since I'd seen the beautiful house, it looked like a fitting haunt for vampires.**

"OOH!!! Let's really freak out the neighbors, Quil!!" Embry said excitedly. "We should put up a sign in front of the house saying FOR SALE: GREAT PLACE FOR VAMPIRES!!!!" We all laughed.

**I hit the brakes, looking away. I was afraid to go farther. But nothing happened. No voice in my head. So I left the engine running and jumped out into the fern sea. Maybe, like Friday night, if I walked forward… I approached the barren, vacant face slowly, my truck rumbling out a comforting roar behind me. I stopped when I got to the porch stairs, because there was nothing here.**

"What'd you expect to happen? That we would pop up and BOO!!!! We were just joking?" Emmett asked laughing. I nodded, and he automatically stopped laughing. It went silent for a few seconds.

…

…

…

**No lingering sense of their presence…of his presence. The house was solidly here, but it meant little. Its concrete reality would not counteract the nothingness of the nightmares. I didn't go to any closer. I didn't want to look in the windows. I wasn't sure which would be harder to see. If the rooms were bare, echoing empty from the floor to ceiling, that would certainly hurt. Like my grandmother's funeral, when my mother had insisted that I stay outside during the viewing.**

"Ooh, that's rough. I mean, if I wasn't allowed to see my mother's funeral, even if it was in disguise, I don't know what I would do. Even though I was a newborn, the only thing holding me back from killing everyone in the crowd was the fact that I was there for my mother," Edward said. I looked at him shocked.

**She had said that I didn't need to see Gran that way, to remember her that way, rather than alive. But wouldn't it be worse if there were no change? If the couches sat just as I'd last seen them, the paintings on the walls-worse still, the piano on its low platform? It would be second only to the house disappearing all together, to see that there was no physical possession that tied them in anyway. That everything remained, untouched and forgotten behind them. Just like me.**

"Bella, you know that we can't forget such a wonderful house, where we met one amazing girl that changed this family forever," Esme said to me in her caring, sweet voice. I smiled at her.

**I turned my back o****n the gaping emptiness and hurried to my truck. I nearly ran. I was anxious to be gone, to get back to the human world.**

Alice scoffed playfully. "HUH? I feel so hurt!" I giggled, because I knew she was only teasing.

**I felt hideously empty and I wanted to see Jacob. Maybe I was developing a new kind of sickness, another addiction, like the numbness before. I didn't care. I pushed my truck as fast as it would go as I barreled toward my fix.**

"Wow, Jake. Apparently, you're Bella's drug," Embry said, snickering. "You know, her 'fix'. He put air quotes around the word fix.

**Jacob was waiting for me. My chest seemed to relax as soon as I saw him, making it easier to breathe. "Hey, Bella," he called. I smiled in relief. "Hey, Jacob." I waved at Billy, who was looking out the window. "Let's get to work," Jacob said in a low but eager voice. I was somehow able to laugh. "You seriously aren't sick of me yet?" I wondered.**

"No, more like obsessed, addicted, can't help falling in love with, oh by the way, hi guys!" Came a voice from outside the door. Carlisle went to go get it while we listened.

"Well, hello there. Long time no see," Carlisle said to the mysterious voice.

"Well, I read some thoughts of my buddies here, and I just had to come check it out for myself."

"Well then, come on in. We're all sitting in the living room," Carlisle responded. Next thing we know it, Seth walks into the living room. When he saw that there was no room on the couch with the three other massive forms, he sat next to the pack on the recliner, put the leg rest up, got comfortable, and then said this:

"Alright, let's get this party started!" We all cracked up. You really have to just love how wacky Seth is sometimes. (There we go that was the surprise character what do you guys think)

**He must be starting to ask himself how desperate I was for company.**

"You know, honestly bro. I'm not who was more desperate at that point? You or Bella," Quil said honestly.

"I'd go with Bella."

"Yeah, you're probably right." I had to agree with that one.

**Jacob led the way around the house to his garage. "Nope. Not yet." "Please let me know when I start getting on your nerves. I don't want t o be a pain." "Okay." He laughed, a throaty sound. "I wouldn't hold your breath for that, though. When I walked into the garage, I was shocked to see the red bike standing up, looking like a motorcycle rather than a pile of jagged metal.**

"Err, Bells. What'd you expect it to look like? A chicken?" Seth asked incredulously. Oh great he's gonna torture me with jokes as much as the other two. I should have guessed. I chuckled to myself.

"**Jake, you're amazing," I breathed. He laughed. "I get obsessive when I have a project." He shrugged. "If I had any brains I'd drag it out a little bit."**

All of a sudden, Seth broke out into song. "If I only had a brain." It was clear it was directed toward Jake as a joke. Rose burst out laughing. I knew she must have loved that one.

"**Why?" He looked down, pausing for so long that I wondered if he hadn't heard my question. Finally, he asked me, "Bella, if I told you that I couldn't fix these bikes, what would you say?" I didn't answer right away, either, and he glanced up to check my expression. "I would say…that's too bad, but I'll bet we could figure out something else to do.**

"I could think of a few things to do with her," Quil teased. Jake, this time, elbowed him in the gut for that horrible comment. He doubled over for about 5 seconds in pain, and then healed. We all laughed.

"**If we got really desperate, we could even do homework." Jacob smiled, and his shoulders relaxed. He sat down next to the bike and picked up a wrench. "So you think you'll still come over when I'm done?" "Is that what you meant? I shook my head. "I guess I **_**am**_** taking advantage of your very underpriced mechanical skills. But as long as you let me come over, I'll be there." "Hoping to see Quil again?" he teased. "You caught me."**

"YES!!! She really does like me!" Quil joked. Edward growled a little, but then read his mind and laughed.

**He chuckled. You really like spending time with me?" he asked, marveling. "Very, very much. And I'll prove it. I have to work tomorrow, but Wednesday we'll do something nonmechanical." "Like what?"**

"Bella, what'd you think? That Jake only does mechanic work? That he doesn't have a life, like you didn't?" Emmett asked, and then covered his mouth quickly, realizing what he just said.

"I need a minute to myself, guys," I said. I stepped out of the room for 10 minutes, and came back in. "I know you didn't mean to say what you said, Emmett. You're my big bro! Of course I forgive you." He got up and gave me a bear hug. I swear, ever since I was turned vampire, his hugs just feel incredible. (Not in the sexual way, it is not a B/Em story, promise.)

"**I have no idea. We can go to my place so you won't be tempted to be obsessive. You could bring your schoolwork-you have to be getting behind, because I know I am." "Homework might be a good idea." He made a face, and I wondered how much he was leaving undone to be with me. "Yes," I agreed. "We'll have to start being responsible occasionally, or Billy and Charlie aren't going to be so easygoing about this."**

"Wow, Bella is not being responsible. That's something I would have thought I'd never see," Emmett joked.

**I made a gesture indicating the two of us as a single entity. He liked that-he beamed.**

Edward laughed. "I'm sure he did like that."

"**Homework once a week?" he proposed. "Maybe we'd better go with twice," I suggested, thinking of the pile I'd just been assigned today. He sighed a heavy sigh. Then he reached over his toolbox to a paper grocery sack. He pulled out two cans of soda, cracking one open and handing it to me.**

"Screw the soda, man! Where's the beer!" Emmett exclaimed. We all burst out laughing.

"**Here's to responsibility," he toasted. "Twice a week." "And recklessness every day in between," I emphasized.**

"La Chaim!!!" All of a sudden, Quil and Embry get up and start dancing the hora! We were cracking up. (Fiddler moment lmao, Never mind the fact I'm Jewish, so I got a clean Jewish joke in there too lol.)

**He grinned and touched his can to mine.**

*** * * ***

**I got home later than I'd planned and found Charlie ordered a pizza rather than wait for me. He wouldn't let me apologize. "I don't mind," he assured me. "You deserve a break from all the cooking, anyway." I knew he was just relieved that I was still acting like a normal person, and he was not about to rock the boat. **

"Sit down your rocking the boat," Embry and Quil were now singing to Guys and Dolls! Who knew these two were so musical?? Ugh, I hate musicals. Edward tried to get me into them, but it is so not going to happen. As I told Alice about 2 years ago, you can't expect me to go around singing musicals all day. (Even if the author Pottergoose LOVES Broadway!) Edward, next to me, was cracking up. When they finished their "Broadway production," we settled down and started to read.

**I checked my e-mail before I started on my homework, and there was a long one from Renee. She gushed over every detail I'd provided her with, so I sent back another exhaustive description of my day. Everything but the motorcycles. Even happy-go-lucky Renee was likely to be alarmed by that.**

"She would probably be more alarmed than Charlie was when he first saw them," I pointed out, chuckling at the idea of my mother EVER finding out about that.

**School Tuesday had its ups and downs. Angela and Mike seemed ready to welcome me back with open arms-to kindly overlook my few months of aberrant behavior. Jess was more resistant. I wondered if she needed a formal written apology for the Port Angeles incident.**

"Well, that's kind of two-sided, Bella," Alice pointed out. "It is appropriate to do that, however it is Jessica. Is it really worth it?" I smiled weakly at her.

**Mike was animated and chatty at work. It was like he'd stored up the semester's worth of talk, and it was all spilling out now.**

"Great, first Jake, then Mike. Who's next, Eric Yorkie??" Edward asked incredulously. I just giggled.

**I found that I was able to smile and laugh with him, though it wasn't as effortless as it was with Jacob. It seemed harmless enough, until quitting time. Mike put the closed sign in the window while I folded my vest and shoved it under the counter. "This was fun tonight," Mike said happily. "Yeah," I agreed, though I'd much rather have spent the afternoon in the garage. "It's too bad that you had to leave the movie early last week." I was a little confused by his train of thought. "I'm just a wimp, I guess." "What I mean is, you should go to a better movie, something you'll enjoy," he explained.**

"Oh no!" Jake exclaimed. "I think I know what part is going to come up soon. Oh man, that night was not memorable for any of us!" I agreed, while everyone else looked confused. I decided to let them see for themselves, so I kept reading.

**I bit my lip. I didn't want to screw things up with Mike, not when he was one of the only people ready to forgive me for being crazy. But this, again, felt far too familiar. Like the last year had never happened. I wished I had Jess as an excuse this time. "Like a date?" I asked. Honestly was probably the best policy at this point. Get it over with. He processed the tone of my voice. "If you want. But it doesn't have to be like that.**

"Although I'm sure he wanted it to be like that," Edward said, frowning.

"**I don't date," I said slowly, realizing how true that was. The whole world seemed impossibly distant. "Just as friends?" he suggested. His clear blue eyes were not as eager now. I hoped he really meant that we could be friends anyway. "That would be fun. But I actually have plans already this Friday, so maybe next week?" "What are you doing?" he asked, less casually than I think he wanted to sound.**

"Hey Bella. I think you have a stalker," Seth teased. Edward then gave him the look of death, and he shut up immediately.

"**Homework. I have a…study session planned with a friend." "Oh. Okay. Maybe next week." He walked me to my car, less exuberant than before. It reminded me so clearly of my first months in Forks. I'd come full circle, and now everything felt like an echo-an empty echo, devoid of the interest it used to have. The next night, Charlie didn't seem the smallest bit surprised to find Jacob and me sprawled across the living room with our books scattered around us, so I guessed that he and Billy were talking behind our backs.**

"And you just figured that one out??? I mean really, Bella. It wasn't obvious that they were trying to set the two of you up?" Quil asked me. I shook my head no. I looked over to see Jake shaking his head no as well. Well at least I wasn't the only one who didn't know right away.

"**Hey, kids," he said, his eyes straying to the kitchen. The smell of the lasagna I'd spent the afternoon making-while Jacob watched and occasionally sampled-wafted down the hall; I was being good, trying to atone for all the pizza. Jacob stayed for dinner, and took a plate home for Billy. He grudgingly added another year to my negotiable age for being a cook year.**

"You forgot to mention the fact that you took away a year from me, for not being able to cook at all," Jake mumbled to me.

"Well, you don't. It's either Sue or Emily who prepares all your food!" I replied.

**Friday was the garage, and Saturday, after my shift at Newton's, was homework again. Charlie felt secure enough in my sanity to spend the day fishing with Harry. When he got back, we were all done-feeling very sensible and mature about it, too-and watching **_**Monster Garage**_** on the Discovery Channel. "I probably ought to go," Jacob sighed. "It's later than I thought." "Okay, fine," I grumbled. "I'll take you home." He laughed at my unwilling expression-it seemed to please him.**

"I'm sure it did, buddy. I'm sure it did," Embry said, patting Jake on the back and grinning. Jake just shook his head and didn't respond.

"**Tomorrow, back to work," I said as soon as we were safe in the truck. "What time do you want me to come up?" There was an unexplained excitement in his answering smile. "I'll call you first, okay?" "Sure," I frowned to myself. His smile widened.**

"Wait a minute, why the hell were you smiling so much?" Alice asked, confused.

"You'll see," he replied to Alice, with that same giant grin that I swear he wore that same day.

**I cleaned the house the next morning-waiting for Jacob to call and trying to shake off the latest nightmare. The scenery had changed. Last night I'd wandered in a wide sea of ferns interspersed with huge hemlock trees. There was nothing else there, and I was lost, wandering aimless and alone, searching for nothing. I wanted to kick myself for the stupid field trip last week. I shoved the dream out of my conscious mind, hoping it would stay locked up somewhere and not escape again.**

Now, if only that wish stayed true, I thought to myself quietly.

**Charlie was outside washing the cruiser, so when the phone rang, I dropped the toilet brush and ran downstairs to answer it. "Hello?" I asked breathlessly. "Bella," Jacob said, a strange, formal tone to his voice. "Hey, Jake." "I believe that…we have a **_**date**_**.**

"Too bad Jake was the only one who saw it as a _date_," Rose said, chuckling.

**It took me a second before I got it. "They're done? I can't believe it!" What perfect timing. I needed something to distract me from nightmares and nothingness. "Yeah, they run and everything." "Jacob, you are absolutely, without a doubt, the most talented and wonderful person I know. You get ten years for this one." "Cool! I'm middle-aged now."**

"Only someone like Bella or Jacob would be happy about middle aged," Edward said, chuckling.

**I laughed. "I'm on my way up!" I threw the cleaning supplies under the bathroom counter and grabbed my jacket. "Headed to see Jake," Charlie said when I ran past him. It wasn't really a question. "Yep," I replied as I jumped in my truck. "I'll be at the station later," Charlie called after me. "Okay," I yelled back, turning the key. Charlie said something else, but I couldn't hear him clearly over the roar of the engine. It sounded sort of like, "Where's the fire?"**

"Up your ass and around the corner," Emmett joked. Esme gave him a look, and he shut up.

**I parked my truck off to the side of the Blacks' house, close to the trees, to make it easier for u to sneak the bikes out. When I got out, a splash of color caught my eye-two shiny motorcycles, one red, one black, were hidden under a spruce, invisible from the house. Jacob was prepared. There was a piece of blue ribbon tied in a small bow around each of the handlebars. I was laughing at that when Jacob ran out of the house.**

"Not much of a gift of she was the one that bought both the gifts," Jasper pointed out. Jake shrugged his shoulders.

"**Ready?" he asked in a low voice, his eyes sparkling. "Yeah," I said, but I didn't feel quite as excited as before; I was trying to imagine myself actually **_**on**_** the motorcycle. Jacob loaded the bikes onto the bed of the truck with ease, laying them carefully on their sides so they didn't show. "Let's go," he said, his voice higher than usual with excitement.**

"Great, now the puppy is turning into a Bitch," Rose commented, laughing. We all stared at her in amazement. "You know, a female dog?" Embry and Quil snickered.

"**I know the perfect spot-no one will catch us there." We drove south out of town. The dirt road wove in and out of the forest-sometimes there was nothing but trees, and then there would suddenly be a breathtaking glimpse of the Pacific Ocean, reaching to the horizon, dark gray under the clouds. We were above the shore, on top of the cliffs that bordered the beach here, and the view seemed to stretch on forever. I was driving slowly, so that I could safely stare out across the ocean now and then, as the road wound closer to the sea cliffs.**

Edward laughed. "It seems more like you were looking to see where you would be riding the bikes rather than the view of the ocean." I shrugged my shoulders.

**Jacob was talking about finishing the bikes, but his descriptions were getting technical, so I wasn't paying close attention. That was when I noticed four figures standing on a rocky ledge, much too close to the precipice.**

"Great, just great," Alice snorted. "So this is the reason you cliff dove? Because you saw other people doing it? Give me a break, Bella! Since when do you ever follow the lead of others??"

**I couldn't tell from the distance how old they were, but I assumed they were men. Despite the chill in the air today, they seemed to be wearing only shorts.**

"I'll give you three guesses what they might be," Seth said, chuckling.

**As I watched, the tallest person stepped closer to the brink. I slowed automatically, my foot hesitating over the brake pedal. And then he threw himself off the edge. "No!" I shouted, stomping down on the brake. "What's wrong?" Jake shouted back, alarmed. "That guy-he just **_**jumped**_** off the **_**cliff!**_** Why didn't they stop him? We've got to call an ambulance!"**

I stopped, because all of a sudden, I heard four voices laughing really hard. I look up to find the four werewolves in the room cracking up, while Edward shook his head, slightly chuckling. "Only werewolves would be dumb enough to do something that stupid," Rose pointed out. Well, that shut everyone up.

**I threw open my door and started to get out, which made no sense at all. The fastest way to a phone was to drive back to Billy's. But I couldn't believe what I'd just seen. Maybe, subconsciously, I hoped I would see something different without the glass of the windshield in the way. Jacob laughed, and I spun to stare at him wildly. How could he be so calloused, so cold-blooded?**

"Hey," Emmett laughed. "I thought that was our job." I smiled.

"**They're just cliff diving, Bella. Recreation. La Push doesn't have a mall, you know." He was teasing, but there was a strange note of irritation in his voice.**

"Yeah, I never knew that when you don't have a mall in your area, you cliff dive!" Alice shouted, rising to her feet, with her hands on her waist. The pack automatically rose as well in a fighting stance.

"Guys, enough," Esme said. It's amazing how she only has to say a few words, and everyone settles down.

"**Cliff diving?" I repeated, dazed. I stared in disbelief as a second figure stepped to the edge, paused, and then very gracefully leaped into space. He fell for what seemed like an eternity to me, finally cutting smoothly into the dark gray waves below. "Wow. It's so high." I slid back into my seat, still staring wide-eyed at the two remaining divers. "It must be a hundred feet."**

"You should know," Alice scoffed at me. I frowned and looked down for a few moments to regain my composure.

"**Well, yeah, most of us jump from lower down, that rock that juts out from the cliff about halfway." He pointed out his window. The place he indicated did seem much more reasonable.**

"Stupid werewolves," I muttered, teasing them. "They always gotta show off," I continued, while folding my arms. Jake stuck his tongue out at me, and I laughed.

_**Those**_** guys are insane. Probably showing off how tough they are. I mean, really, it's freezing today. That water can't feel good." He made a disgruntled face, as if the stunt personally offended him. It surprised me a little. I would have thought Jacob was nearly impossible to upset. **_**You**_** jump off the cliff?" I hadn't missed the "us." "Sure, sure." He shrugged and grinned. "It's fun. A little scary, kind of a rush."**

"Yeah, except for someone inexperienced does it, and nearly gets killed in the long run," Alice pointed out.

"You know what, Alice," I shouted back. "I love you to death. You're my best friend. However, you keep pointing out my faults. Have you ever considered how I felt during the time before the Volturi came? The fact that you left us with not much to know about, and just hints, as well as an incorrect address, and never telling us where you went during that time. I'm too nice of a person to say much about it, but that hurts inside as well." Alice looked very shocked, and Jasper comforted her, while Edward comforted me.

**I looked back at the cliffs where the third figure was pacing the edge. I'd never witnessed anything so reckless in all my life. My eyes widened, and I smiled. "Jake, you have to take me cliff diving." He frowned back at me, his face disapproving. "Bella, you just wanted to call an ambulance for Sam," he reminded me.**

"Ha ha! That would be awkward!" Seth said laughing. We all joined in.

**I was surprised that he could tell who it was from this distance. "I want to try," I insisted, starting to get out of the car again. Jacob grabbed my wrist. "Not today, all right? Can we at least wait for a warmer day?"**

"Oh, right. Because I'm sure that by this point, your body was already starting to warm up in temperature," Seth said, laughing.

"**Okay, fine," I agreed. With the door open, the glacial breeze was raising goose bumps on my arm. "But I want to go soon." "Soon." He rolled his eyes. "Sometimes you're a little strange, Bella. Do you know that?" I sighed. "Yes." "And we're not jumping off the top." I watched, fascinated, as the third boy made a running start and flung himself farther into the empty air than the other two. He twisted and cartwheeled through the space as he fell, like he was skydiving. He looked absolutely free-unthinking and utterly irresponsible.**

"Show-off much??" Edward said, laughing.

"I wanna try!! I wanna try!" Emmett shouted jumping up and down. Rose just glared at her husband, while we all laughed.

"**Fine," I agreed. "Not the first time, anyway." Now Jacob sighed. "Are we going to try out the bikes or not?" he demanded. "Okay, okay," I said, tearing my eyes away from the last person waiting on the cliff. I put my seat belt back on and closed the door. The engine was still running, roaring as it idled. We started down the road again. "So, who were those guys-the crazy ones?" I wondered. He made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat. "The la Push gang."**

"Yo man, cool!" Embry said, as he high-fived Quil. "Apparently, we're a gang!" We all laughed a little.

"**You have a gang?" I asked. I realized that I sounded impressed. He laughed once at my reaction. "Not like that. I swear, they're like hall monitors gone bad. They don't start fights, they keep the peace." He snorted. "There was this guy from up somewhere by the Makah rez, big guy too, scary-looking. Well, word got around that he was selling meth to kids, and Sam Uley and his **_**disciples**_** ran him off our land.**

"HAHA!!!!!!!" all the werewolves laughed. "Disciples???" Embry asked incredulously.

"Well, do remember that at point, I didn't even know that they were werewolves, nor did I know I was about to become one. That's kind of how the outside people of the tribe view our group," Jake pointed out.

"**They're all about **_**our land**_**, and **_**tribe pride**_**…it's getting ridiculous. The worst part is that the council takes them seriously. Embry said that the council actually meets with Sam." He shook his head, face full of resentment. "Embry also heard from Leah Clearwater that they call themselves 'protectors' or something like that."**

Edward chuckled, "It's truly amazing, isn't it? Everyone mentioned here who gossiped about the 'gang' turned out to eventually be part of that gang." Everyone else laughed a little.

**Jacob's hands were clenched into fists, as if he'd like to hit something. I'd never seen this side of him. I was surprised to hear Sam Uley's name. I didn't want to bring back the images from my nightmare, so I made a quick observation to distract myself. "You don't like them very much."**

"Not for long," Quil said in a sing-song voice.

"Yeah, until he betrays me yet again, I leave the pack, then everyone begs me, then there's two packs, then…"

Edward interrupted, chuckling, "Jake, we know. Remember, we were there?" We all cracked up.

"**Does it show?" he asked sarcastically. "Well…it doesn't sound like they're doing anything bad." I tried to soothe him, to make him cheerful again. "Just sort of annoyingly goody-two-shoes for a gang." "Yeah. Annoying is a good word. They're always showing off-like the cliff thing. They act like…like I don't know. Like tough guys.**

"Hmm, well we're werewolves. How are we supposed to act, like a wuss??" Embry teased. I smiled.

"**I was hanging out at the store with Embry and Quil once, last semester, and Sam came by with his **_**followers**_**, Jared and Paul. Quil said something, you know how he's got a big mouth, and it pissed Paul off. His eyes got all dark, and he sort of smiled-no, he showed his teethe but he didn't smile-and it was like he was so mad he was shaking or something.**

"Hmm, I wonder what that could mean," Alice said jokingly. I giggled a little.

**But Sam put his hand against Paul's chest and shook his head. Paul looked at him for a minute and calmed down. Honestly, it was like Sam was holding him back-like Paul was going to tear us up if Sam didn't stop him." He groaned.**

"Déjà vu," I said a little too loudly. The Cullens looked at me confused. "That will happen later. You will see," I told them, realizing I never told them that Sam once had to hold Paul back from me.

"**Like a bad western. You know, Sam's a pretty big guy, he's twenty. But Paul's just sixteen, too, shorter than me and not as beefy as Quil. I think any one of us could take him." "Tough guys," I agreed. I could see it in my head as he described it, and it reminded me of something…a trio of tall, dark men standing very still and close together in my father's living room. The picture was sideways, because my head was lying against the couch while Dr. Gerandy and Charlie leaned over me…Had that been Sam's gang?**

"Well, that's not them. However that is the ancestors, which includes my grandfather," Jake pointed out. "The original wolf pack," he continued, grinning.

**I spoke quickly again to divert myself from the bleak memories. "Isn't Sam a little too old for this kind of thing?" "Yeah. He was supposed to go to college, but he stayed. And no one gave him any crap about it, either. The whole council pitched a fit when my sister turned down a partial scholarship and got married. But, oh no, Sam Uley can do no wrong."**

"Hey, Jake. Look at it this way. Now the council adores you too," Jasper said with a smile on his face, like he was holding back a laugh.

**His face was set in unfamiliar lines of outrage-outrage and something else I didn't recognize at first. "It all sounds really annoying and …strange. But I don't get why you're taking it so personally." I peeked over at his face, hoping I hadn't offended him. He was suddenly calm, staring out the side window. "You just missed the turn," he said in an even voice.**

"Nice way to deviate from the topic, bro," Emmett said, high-fiving Jake. I frowned at him.

**I executed a very wide U-turn, nearly hitting a tree as my circle ran the truck halfway off the road.**

"Ugh, I'm so glad I can actually drive a vehicle now that isn't so huge that when you make a U-turn, you are scared of hurting the trees." Emmett and Jasper snickered.

"**Thanks for the heads-up," I muttered as I started up the side road. "Sorry. I wasn't paying attention."**

"Yeah, Jakey boy here was paying too much attention to you to notice where you were going," Embry said with a grin. Jake growled at him.

**It was quiet for a brief minute. "You can stop anywhere along here," he said softly. I pulled over and cut the engine. My ears rang in the silence that followed. We both got out, and Jacob headed around to the back to get the bikes. I tried to read his expression. Something more was bothering him. I'd hit a nerve. He smiled halfheartedly as he pushed the red bike to my side. "Happy late birthday. Are you ready for this?"**

"Hang on, I thought you said you don't want gifts," Alice said in a teasing voice. I crossed my arms and stuck my tongue out at her.

"**I think so." The bike suddenly looked intimidating, frightening, as I realized I would soon be astride on it. "We'll take it slow," he promised.**

"With Bella riding, you are going to have to take it down to snail's pace," Emmett said snickering. Grr!!!

**I gingerly leaned the motorcycle against the truck's fender while he went to get his. "Jake…" I hesitated as he came back around the truck. "Yeah?" "What's really bothering you? About the Sam thing, I mean? Is there something else?" I watched his face. He grimaced, but he didn't seem angry. He looked at the dirt and kicked his shoe against the front tire of his bike again and again, like he was keeping time. He sighed. "It's just…the way they treat me. It creeps me out."**

"Trust me, they had a reason for treating you the way they did," came a voice from the entrance way. All of a sudden, Emily and Sam walked in, hand-in-hand. "Well, we know what's going on obviously, so we decided to come over and listen now that I'm not on duty." Wow this living room was getting packed. Any more people, and Esme would have to build a bigger room.

**The words started to rush out now. "You know, the council is supposed to be made up of equals, but if there was a leader, it would be my dad. I'd never been able to figure out why people treat him the way they do. Why his opinion counts the most.**

"Well, Jake. It's because your great-grandfather was Ephraim, who lead the last pack of wolves, against, ironically, the Cullens."

"Well, Sam. I know that, but at that point, all I knew was that my great-grandpa was the tribe leader. How was I supposed to know at that point that he also led to keep the peace," Jake pointed out. Sam nodded.

"**It's got something to do with his father and his father's father. My great-grandpa, Ephraim Black, was sort of the last chief we had, and they still listen to Billy, maybe because of that. But I'm not just like everyone else. Nobody treats **_**me**_** special…until now."**

"That's because, we knew that you were destined to turn out as a werewolf soon enough. At that point, we could already see your strength, speed, and height starting to come in. Remember, Jake. The werewolves are respected throughout the community for keeping the peace, and having the Cullens here respect our land due to us." It felt nice to have Sam here, explaining a lot that I didn't understand myself fully.

**That caught me off guard. "Sam treats you special?" "Yeah, he agreed, looking up at me with troubled eyes. "He looks at me like he's waiting for something…like I'm going to join hi stupid gang someday. He pays more attention to me than any of the other guys. I hate it." "You don't have to join anything."**

"Too late for that," Embry said laughing.

**My voice was angry. This was really upsetting Jacob, and that infuriated me. Who did these "protectors" think they were?**

I stopped because the entire pack, well, those who were here, burst out laughing, including Jake. I had to admit, it was pretty funny, now that I look back at the situation.

"**Yeah." His foot kept us its rhythm against the tire. "What?" I could tell there was more. He frowned, his eyebrows pulling up in a way that looked sad and worried rather than angry. "It's Embry. He's been avoiding me lately."**

"Hey, bro. I am truly sorry about that. But I really didn't want you to see me when I was just a pup. Plus Sam said it would be too dangerous."

**The thoughts didn't seem connected, but I wondered if I was to blame for the problems with his friend. "You've been hanging out with me a lot," I reminded him, feeling selfish. I'd been monopolizing him. "No, that's not it. It's not just me-it's Quil, too, and everyone. Embry missed a week of school, but he was never home when we tried to see him.**

"Starting to sound a little too familiar," I said quietly. Jake frowned, knowing exactly what I was talking about.

"**And when he came back, he looked….he looked freaked out. Terrified. Quil and I both tried to get him to tell us what was wrong, but he wouldn't talk to either of us." I stared at Jacob, biting my lip anxiously-he was really frightened. But he didn't look at me. He watched his own foot kicking the rubber as if it belonged to someone else. The temp increased.**

"Again, bro. I am truly sorry. I couldn't do anything about it." Embry apologized again. It was clear he felt really bad for what happened.

"**Then this week, out of nowhere, Embry's hanging out with Sam and the rest of them. He was out on the cliffs today." His voice was low and tense. He finally looked at me. "Bella, they bugged him even more than they bother me. He didn't want anything to do with them. And now Embry's following Sam around like he's joined a cult.**

"Jake, Quil, I am truly sorry for what happened. Sam wasn't trying to take your best friend away from you. He was just trying to help him, since he turned before either of you did," Emily said sweetly. They both smiled at her.

"**And that's the way it was with Paul. Just exactly the same. He wasn't friends with Sam at all. Then he stopped coming to school for a few weeks, and, when he came back, suddenly Sam owned him. I don't know what it means. I cant figure it out, and I feel like I have to, because Embry's my friend and…Sam's looking at me funny…and…" he trailed off.**

"Aw, Jake. I truly am sorry. I know it must have really hurt." Emily rubbed Jake's back for a few seconds, as Sam spoke.

"**Have you talked to Billy about this?" I asked. His horror was spreading to me. I had chills running on the back of my neck. Now there was anger on his face. "Yes," he snorted. "That was helpful."**

Edward laughed, "I'm _sure_ it was."

"**What did he say?" Jacob's expression was sarcastic, and when he spoke, his voice mocked the deep tones of his father's voice. "It's nothing you need to worry about now Jacob. In a few years, if you don't…well, I'll explain later."**

"Wow, that must have been helpful," Alice said, now laughing.

**And then his voice was his own. "What am I supposed to get from that? Is he trying to say it's some stupid puberty, coming-of-age thing? This is something else. Something wrong."**

"Well, in a way, you could say it has to do with puberty," Sam said laughing. Jake scowled jokingly at him.

**He was biting his lower lip and clenching his hands. He looked like he was about to cry. I threw my arms around him instinctively, wrapping them around his waist and pressing my face against his chest. He was so big, I felt like I was a child hugging a grown-up. "Oh Jake, it'll be okay!" I promised. "If it gets worse you can come live with me and Charlie. Don't be scared, we'll think of something!"**

Quil laughed. "I bet Jake would have loved to come live with you at that point," he said with his body shaking from laughter.

**He was frozen for a second, and then his long arms wrapped hesitantly around me. "Thanks, Bella." His voice was huskier than usual. We stood like tha for a moment, and it didn't upset me; in fact, I felt comforted by the contact. This didn't feel anything like the last time someone had embraced me this way. This was friendship. And Jacob was very warm.**

"Except for the fact that I didn't view it as friendship, which ultimately screwed things up more," he pointed out.

"Yeah, but look at you now. You have someone to love, you got her a promise ring last Christmas, and you two are very happy together," I said calmly. He smiled at me then at Renesmee, who was sleeping in his lap.

**It was strange for me, being this close-emotionally rather than physically, though the physical was strange for me, too-to another human being. It wasn't my usual style. I didn't normally relate to people so easily, on such a basic level. Not human beings.**

"Well, that's because Jake isn't human," Sam pointed out. "So as usual, you were drawn to the first available creature without realizing he wasn't even human."

"**If this is how you're going to react, I'll freak out more often." Jacob's voice was light, normal again, and his laughter rumbled against my ear. His fingers touched my hair, soft and tentative. Well, it was friendship for me. I pulled away quickly, laughing with him, but determined to put things back in perspective at once.**

"Yeah, that all worked out fine and dandy, until you let yourself kiss me during the time of the newborn battle," Jake teased. I was so glad Nessie was sleeping right now. She didn't need to know that I once nearly dated him. It would break her heart. It's bad enough that Edward is witnessing this. I looked over at Edward, who's been quiet for a long time, and saw that he was noticeably upset over the situation. I rubbed his back, and went back to the book.

"**It's hard to believe I'm two years older than you," I said, emphasizing the word **_**older**_**. "You make me feel like a dwarf." Standing this close to him, I really had to crane my neck to see his face. "You're forgetting I'm in my forties, of course." "Oh, that's right." He patted my head. "You're like a little doll," he teased. "A porcelain doll."**

"Ooh!!!! Next makeup party!!!" Alice shouted jumping up and down. Oh no, she's going to turn me into a porcelain doll. Run, I told myself, run!!! I was about to leave the room, when Alice got up and blocked me. I crossed my arms and stuck my tongue out at her.

"Hey remember, vision seer here!" Alice teased. I growled at her and sat down. After a few laughs, I started reading again.

**I rolled my eyes, taking another step away. "Let's not start with the albino cracks." "Seriously, Bella, are you sure you're not?" He stretched his russet arm out next to mine. The difference wasn't flattering. "I've never seen anyone paler than you…well, except for-He broke off, and I looked away, trying to not understand what he was about to say."**

"Knowing how _good_ of an actress you are, I'm sure he saw right through you," Alice said with big eyes, teasing.

"**So are we going to ride or what?" "Let's do it," I agreed, more enthusiastic than I would have been half a minute ago. His unfinished sentence reminded me of why I was here.**

"Well, here we go," Edward said glumly.

"This should be interesting," Alice said.

"Hey Jasper, I bet you $1000 bucks that the first time she rides, she will fall off."

"Boys, enough. Edward is having enough trouble coping with the story as it is," Esme said calmly. I saw Jasper mouth the words _your on_ to Emmett. Well, here goes nothing.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in it. However, I would love to own Edward from time to time. (Cries)**

**Hey guys. Here we go again. The reviews are incredible, expect for one which didn't even make sense to me. Thanks for all of the wonderful reviews, and I will have one more set of surprise guests coming in next chapter. You can put up your guesses but I won't say a thing until chapter 13 is posted. :-D enjoy.**

Chapter 12 (chapter 8 Adrenaline)

**"Okay, where's your clutch?" I pointed to the left handlebar. Letting go of the grip was a mistake. The heavy bike wobbled underneath me, threatening to knock me sidewise. I grabbed the handle again, trying to hold it straight.**

"So far, it looks like the bet is going in my favor," Emmett said smirking. I kept a poker face on, knowing what eventually happens.

**"Jacob, it won't stay up," I complained. "It will when you're moving," he promised. "Now where's your brake?" "Behind my right foot." "Wrong." He grabbed my right hand and curled my fingers around the lever over the throttle.**

Emmett rubbed his hands together in excitement. "Yay, now here's an easy way for me to learn how to ride my new bike." We all laughed.

"Don't worry, I'll teach you too," Jake said reluctantly, knowing it would make me happy.

**"But you said-" "This is the brake you want. Don't use the back brake now, that's for later, when you know what you're doing." "That doesn't sound right," I said suspiciously. "Forget the back brake, okay?" Here-" He wrapped his hand around mine and made me squeeze the lever down. "**_**That**_** is how you brake. Don't forget." He squeezed my hand another time.**

"Yeah, you're either showing her how to brake, or you're hitting on her," Quil said with a smirk on his face. Jake rolled his eyes at him.

**"Fine," I agreed. "Throttle?" I twisted the right grip. "Gearshift?" I nudged it with my left calf. "Very good. I think you've got all the parts down. Now you just have to get it moving."**

"Here we go," Edward said snarling.

"This can't be good," Alice muttered.

**"Uh-huh," I muttered, afraid to say more. My stomach was contorting strangely and I thought my voice might crack. I was terrified. I tried to tell myself that the fear was pointless. I'd already lived through the worst thing possible. In comparison with that, why should anything frighten me now?**

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because you have no idea _how_ to ride a bike, and you're extremely clumsy, which doesn't help the situation whatsoever," Edward pointed out. I raised my eyebrows and shrugged my shoulders.

**I should be able to look death in the face and laugh. My stomach wasn't buying it. I stared down the long stretch of dirt road, bordered by thick misty green on every side. The road was sandy and damp. Better than mud. "I want you to hold down the clutch," Jacob instructed. I wrapped my fingers around the clutch. "Now this is crucial, Bella," Jacob stressed. "Don't let go of that, okay? I want you to pretend that I've handed you a live grenade. The pin is out and you are holding down the spoon."**

"Great, first of all, _Jacob_. She's nervous to begin with. But now let's make her imagine that this terrifying bike is a bomb?????" Rose asked incredulously. Jake shrugged his shoulders.

**I squeezed tighter. "Good. Do you think you can kick-start it?" "If I move my foot, I will fall over, I told him through gritted teeth, my fingers tight around my live grenade. "Okay, I'll do it. Don't let go of the clutch." He took a step back, and then suddenly slammed his foot down on the pedal.**

"Show-off," Emily said to Jake grinning. Jake chuckled.

**There was a short ripping noise, and the force of his thrust rocked the bike. I started to fall sideways,**

"YES!!!!" Emmett shouted, rubbing his thumb and pointer together at Jasper, making the sign for cash. "Hang on guys," I said.

**But Jake caught the bike before it knocked me to the ground. "Steady there," he encouraged.**

"Well that means I won," Jasper said smirking.

"Yeah, but that doesn't count because she hasn't actually _ridden_ the bike yet," Emmett pointed out. Jasper growled at him, while Esme and Emily both chuckled a little.

"**Do you still have the clutch?" "Yes," I gasped. "Plant your feet-I'm going to try again." But he put his hand on the back of the seat, too, just to be safe.**

"Smart move," Emmett said, smirking. "But then again, that's what we loved so much about the human Bella. Bells, you wouldn't have been the same without your clumsiness." The Cullens and the wolves laughed.

**It took four more kicks before the ignition caught. I could feel the bike rumbling beneath me like an angry animal. I gripped the clutch until my fingers ached. "Try out the throttle," he suggested. "Very lightly. And don't let go of the clutch." Hesitantly, I twisted the right handle. Though the movement was tiny, the bike snarled beneath me.**

"Yo, Em, this bike idea sounds awesome. Once you get to learn, I have _so_ got to learn how to ride it, and maybe borrow it from time to time," Jasper said excitedly. This time, unlike Rose, Alice looked siked. I should have figured she would want to do that. I looked over at Edward, who was rolling his eyes. Clearly, Alice was thinking of when to buy a bike for her husband.

**It sounded angry **_**and**_** hungry now. Jacob smiled in deep satisfaction. "Do you remember how to put it into first gear?" he asked. "Yes." "Well, go ahead and do it." "Okay." He waited for a few seconds. "Left foot," he prompted.**

"Pain in my _ass_," I uttered quietly, hoping no one would hear me. AHH I keep forgetting, room full of vampires and werewolves. BAD MOVE!!!!! I look up to see everyone chuckling, especially Edward and Jacob.

"**I **_**know**_**," I said, taking a deep breath. "Are you sure you want to do this?" Jacob asked. "You look scared." "I'm fine," I snapped. I kicked the gearshift down one notch. "Very good, he praised me. "Now,**_** very**_** gently, ease up on the clutch. **

"This should be interesting," Alice said, repeating herself.

**He took a step away from the bike. "You want me to let go of the grenade?" I asked in disbelief. No wonder he was moving back. "That's how you move, Bella. Just do it little by little." As I began to loosen my grip, I was shocked to be interrupted by a voice that did not belong to the boy standing next to me.**

"Here we go again," Alice said in a sing-song voice. Edward started growling, and amazingly enough, so did Jake. No surprise there, huh?

"**This is reckless and childish and idiotic, Bella," the velvet voice fumed.**

"Wait a minute, what is going on here? I thought you were only hanging out with Jake at this point. At least that's what he told me," Sam said, confused.

"Oh, he _was_. However, what you didn't know was the fact that the only reason Bella was doing this at the beginning was to hallucinate about Edward here," Alice pointed out. Sam and Emily looked at me, very shocked.

"**Oh!" I gasped, and my hands fell off the clutch. The bike bucked under me, yanking me forward and then collapsing to the ground half on top of me. The growling engine choked to a stop.**

"YES!!!!!" Emmett exclaimed for a second time. No one responded or laughed. It got really quiet. Jasper sulked out of the room and came back in with a wallet. He reluctantly handed the cash to Emmett.

"**Bella?" Jacob jerked the heavy bike off me with ease. "Are you hurt?" But I wasn't listening. "I told you so," the perfect voice murmured, crystal clear.**

"Wow, you're hallucinations are good, so accurate!" Embry said, putting his hand up, ready for a high five from me. I didn't return it. It went silent as he put his hand back down quietly and awkwardly. A few murmurs latter, we were ready to go again.

"**Bella?" Jacob shook my shoulder. "I'm fine," I mumbled, dazed. More than fine. The voice in my head was back. It still rang in my ears-soft, velvety echoes. My mind ran swiftly through the possibilities. There was no familiarity here-on a road I'd never seen, doing something I'd never done before-no déjà vu. So the hallucinations must be triggered by something else…**

"Yeah, insanity," Quil said. Jasper smacked him over the head, while Seth and Embry chuckled. I saw Sam focus, and they all went quiet, so I continued.

**I felt the adrenaline coursing through my veins again, and I thought I had the answer. Some combinations of adrenaline and danger, or maybe just stupidity.**

"I would have to go with the last choice," Edward opted.

"I second that," Alice pointed out.

**Jacob was pulling me to my feet. "Did you hit your head?" he asked.**

Emily laughed. "No, but you're not too far off."

"**I don't think so." I shook it back and forth, checking. "I didn't hurt the bike, did I?"**

"Bella, you are incredible," Alice said laughing. "You just got hurt, and you're more worried about…"All of a sudden, Alice went into vision mode. When she came out of it, she was smiling from ear to ear.

"Alice?" I asked curiously.

"I'm not saying a word," she responded in a singsong voice. "But you will be pleasantly surprised with a couple of guests halfway through the next chapter." I looked at Edward, who was trying to scrutinize what Alice was thinking, but came up with nothing.

"She's humming Old MacDonald in her head to block the thoughts," he growled.

**This thought worried me. I was anxious to try again, right away. Being reckless was paying off better than I'd thought. Forget cheating. Maybe I'd found a way to generate the hallucinations-that was much more important. "No. You just stalled the engine," Jacob said, interrupting any quick speculations. "You let go of the clutch too fast."**

"This coming from the man who kept saying that I had to let go of the clutch," I said. Edward and Emmett snickered.

**I nodded. "Let's try again." "Are you sure?" Jacob asked. "Positive." This time I tried to get the kick-start myself. It was complicated; I had to jump a little to slam down on the pedal with enough force, and every time I did that, the bike tried to knock me over.**

"Well, this is starting out to be a bad start," Jasper said laughing. "She hasn't even ridden the bike a ¼ mile and she can't even keep it up!"

**Jacob's hand hovered over the handlebars, ready to catch me if I needed him. It took me several good tries, and even more poor tries, before the engine caught and roared to life under me. Remembering to hold on to the grenade, I revved the throttle experimentally. It snarled at the slightest touch. My smile mirrored Jacob's now. **

"Man oh man!" Emmett exclaimed excitedly. "I can't wait to try out my new bike. Although, since I'm a vampire when I will be riding it for the first time, I'm sure I will have less trouble the first time around." I stuck my tongue out at him. Unfair!

"**Easy on the clutch," he reminded me. "Do you **_**want**_** to kill yourself, then? Is that what this is about?" the other voice spoke again, his tone severe. I smiled tightly-it was still working-and ignored the question. Jacob wasn't going to let anything serious happen to me.**

"Right, because at this point, you _really _cared about me," Jake said sarcastically.

"Actually, at that point, I was really starting to enjoy spending time with you. You helped me out of my hole that I dug myself in. You were the best friend when my family couldn't be there. You were amazing.

"Then why did you keep only thinking about Edward at that time?"

"Because it was still hard for me. You of all people know that I had never gotten over him. Even when you tried to kiss…" Edward's eyes widened. I shut up and voluntarily started reading again. In the background, you could hear the wolves snickering.

"**Ease off slowly," Jacob encouraged me. "I will," I said. It bothered me a bit when I realized I was answering both of them. The voice in my head growled against the roar of the motorcycle.**

I stopped because apparently, the voice in my head was not the only one growling at the moment. I looked up to find Edward, the real Edward, growling as well. I shrugged my shoulders, not sure what to do, and continued the book.

**Trying to focus this time, to not let the voice startle me again, I relaxed my hand by tiny degrees. Suddenly, the gear caught and wrenched me forward. And I was flying. There was wind that wasn't there before, blowing my skin against my skull and flinging my hair back behind me with enough force that it felt like someone was tugging on it.**

"Who knows, maybe it was the invisible voice in your head that was tugging on your hair," Seth said, snickering.

**I'd left my stomach back at the starting point; the adrenaline coursed through my body, tingling in my veins. The trees raced past me, blurring into a wall of green. But this was only first gear. My foot itched toward the gearshift as I twisted for more gas.**

"Bella, knowing you, that's probably not the smartest idea," Emily pointed out, chuckling a little. Little did she know, that was true.

"**No, Bella!" the angry, honey-sweet voice ordered in my ear. "Watch what you're doing!" It distracted me enough from the speed to realize that the road was starting a slow curve to the left, and I was still going straight. Jacob hadn't told me how to turn.**

"This can't be good."

"**Brakes, brakes," I muttered to myself, and I instinctively slammed down with my right foot, like I would in my truck. The bike was suddenly unstable underneath me, shivering first to one side and then the other. It was dragging me toward a green wall, and I was going too fast. I tried to turn the handlebar the other direction, and the sudden shift of my weight pushed the bike toward the ground, still spinning toward the trees.**

"You idiot!!" Edward shouted, getting up to his feet and facing Jake. I quickly took Nessie in to my lap.

"How could you let that happen?? You know that Bella is clumsy, yet you even let her ride that dumb thing in the first place!!!" Before Jake even got the chance to respond, we felt a wave of calmness through the air. Thank goodness for Jasper. I really don't know what I would do without him sometimes. After a short standoff, they both sat down and I continued reading.

**The motorcycle landed on top of me again, roaring loudly, pulling me across the wet sand until it his something stationary. I couldn't see. My face was mashed into the moss.**

"How was that working out for you?" Sam joked.

"Well, Sam, I'd say it worked out _just_ great," I answered sarcastically, emphasizing the word just.

**I tried to lift my head, but there was something in the way. I was dizzy and confused. It sounded like there were three things snarling-the bike over me, the voice in my head, and something else…**

"Yeah, exactly how _soon_ were you from becoming a werewolf?" Rose pointed out, noticing that Jake was already snarling in the book.

"Well, I'm not sure, but from the looks of it, it wasn't too far away."

"**Bella!" Jacob yelled, and I heard the roar of the other bike cut off. The motorcycle no longer pinned me to the ground, and I rolled over to breathe. All the growling went silent. "Wow," I murmured. I was thrilled. This had to be it, the recipe for the hallucination-adrenaline plus danger plus stupidity. Something close to that, anyway.**

"Mostly stupidity," Edward uttered quietly.

"**Bella!" Jacob was crouching over me anxiously. "Bella, are you alive?" "I'm great!" I enthused. I flexed my arms and legs. Everything seemed to be working correctly. "Let's do it again."**

"Only Bella would be stupid enough to fall off a bike, get up, lie and say everything is great, and then ask to do it again," Alice laughed.

"**I don't think so." Jacob still sounded worried. "I think I'd better drive you to the hospital first." "I'm fine." "Um, Bella? You've got a huge cut on your forehead, and it's gushing blood," he informed me. I clapped my hand over my head. Sure enough, it was wet and sticky. I could smell noting but the damp moss on my face, and that held off the nausea. **

"Yeah, I'm sure if Edward was there, he would be able to smell it," Jasper muttered angrily.

"If I was there, none of this stupid bike riding stuff would have happened in the first place!"

"**Oh, I'm so sorry, Jacob." I pushed hard against the gash, as if I could force the blood back inside my head. "Why are you apologizing for bleeding?" he wondered as he wrapped a long arm around my waist and pulled me to my feet.**

I stopped reading because I was trying to stifle back a laugh. I let it go when I realized that the rest of the room was laughing also. It was pretty funny, apologizing for bleeding. I then noticed that there was one person who was not laughing over the situation. When everyone else noticed, they all went quiet too, as Alice tried to comfort him. After he calmed down, I began to read again.

"**Let's go. I'll drive." He held out his hand for the keys. "What about the bikes?" I asked, handing them over. He thought for a second. "Wait here. And take this." He pulled off his T-shirt, already spotted with blood, and threw it to me.**

(Not a Bella break, but an author break. Right now I am visualizing the New Moon ComicCon preview. AHHHHHHH Hot abs hot abs hot abs!!!! Lol. K, now back to the story)

**I wadded it up and held it tightly to my forehead. I was starting to smell the blood; I breathed deeply through my mouth and tried to concentrate on something else. Jacob jumped on the black motorcycle, kicked it to a start in one try, and raced back down the road, spraying sand and pebbles behind him. He looked athletic and professional as he leaned over the handlebar, head low, face forward, his shiny hair whipping against the russet skin of his back. My eyes narrowed enviously. I was sure I hadn't looked like that on my motorcycle.**

"No, no you didn't," Jake said, smiling at me. I laughed.

**I was surprised at how far I'd gone. I could barely see Jacob in the distance when he finally got to the truck. He threw the bike into the bed and sprinted to the driver's side. I really didn't feel bad at all as he coaxed my truck to a deafening roar in his hurry to get back to me. My head stung a little, and my stomach was uneasy, but the cut wasn't serious. **

"Yeah but apparently, bad enough that we had to go to the hospital, which got my father involved," I pointed out to Jake.

**Head wounds just bled more than most. His urgency was necessary. Jacob left the truck running as he raced back to me, wrapping his arm around my waist again. "Okay, let's get you in the truck." "I'm honestly fine," I assured him as he helped me in.**

"No offense, Bella. You would say that if you were on your death bed, and you expected me to believe that?" Jake asked, smiling at me. I chuckled. I seriously need to learn how to lie better.

"**Don't get worked up. It's just a little blood." "Just a **_**lot**_** of blood," I heard him mutter as he went back for my bike. "Now, let's think about this for a second," I began when he got back in. "If you take me to the ER like this, Charlie is sure to hear about it." I glanced down at the sand and dirt caked into my jeans.**

"Never mind, if Charlie hears about it, then Renee would hear about it, and that's worse than Charlie knowing!" I continued to point out.

"**Bella, I think you need stitches. I'm not going to let you bleed to death." "I won't," I promised. "Let's just take the bikes back first, and then we'll make a stop at my house so I can dispose of the evidence before we go to the hospital." "What about Charlie?" "He said he had to work today." "Are you really sure?" "Trust me. I'm an easy bleeder.**

"That's an understatement," Edward and Jasper said at the same time. I looked at both of them, apologetically.

"**It's not as dire as it looks." Jacob wasn't happy-his full mouth turned down in an uncharacteristic frown-but he didn't want to get me in trouble. I stared out the window, holding his ruined shirt to my head, while he drove me to Forks. The motorcycle was better than I'd dreamed. It had served the original purpose. I'd cheated-broken my promise. I'd been needlessly reckless. I felt a little less pathetic now that the promises had been broken on both sides.**

"Plus it was tons of fun," I pointed out with a huge grin on my face. Edward let out a large growl. I should have expected that one.

**And then to discover the key to the hallucinations! At least, I hoped I had. I was going to test the theory as soon as possible. Maybe they'd get through with me quickly in the ER, and I could try again tonight.**

"You know, Bella. That really upsets me," Jake pointed out. "All that time, I thought you were doing it to hang out with me." I didn't have a response to that, so I just continued reading, trying to avoid the glare from Jake.

**Racing down the road like that had been amazing. The feel of the wind in my face, the speed and the freedom….it reminded me of a past life, flying through the thick forest without a road, piggyback while **_**he**_** ran-I stopped thinking right there, letting the memory break off in the sudden agony. I flinched. **

"Hm, that would be fun," Edward pointed out, chuckling.

"**You still okay?" Jacob checked. "Yeah." I tried to sound as convincing as before. "By the way," he added. "I'm going to disconnect your foot brake tonight." **

Jasper chuckled. "Good idea, Jake."

Edward whispered in my ear, "Rose is thinking of doing the same thing to Emmett's new Kawasaki." I chuckled.

**At home, I went to look at myself in the mirror first thing; it was pretty gruesome. Blood was drying in thick streaks across my cheek and neck, matting in my muddy hair. I examined myself clinically, pretending the blood was paint so it wouldn't upset my stomach. I breathed through my mouth, and was fine. I washed up as well as I could. Then I hid my dirty, bloody clothes in the bottom of my laundry basket, putting on new jeans and a button-up shirt (that I didn't have to pull over my head) as carefully as I could.**

"Aren't you glad you run your own laundry, and not your father?" Emily pointed out, smiling at me. I nodded immediately. That would have been pretty interesting.

**I managed to do this one-handed and keep both garments blood-free. "Hurry up," Jacob called. "Okay, okay," I shouted back. After making sure I left nothing incriminating behind me, I headed downstairs. "How do I look?" I asked him. "Better," he admitted. "But do I look like I tripped in your garage and hit my head on a hammer?"**

"Saddest part is, that is very believable, with it being Bella and all," Emmett said snickering under his breath. I stuck my tongue out at him.

"**Sure. I guess so." "Let's go then." Jacob hurried me out of the door, and insisted on driving again. We were halfway to the hospital when I realized he was still shirtless.**

"Practicing?" Sam asked, laughing and raising one eyebrow. Jake grinned at him.

**I frowned guiltily. "We should have grabbed you a jacket." "That would have given us away," he teased. "Besides, it's not that cold." "Are you kidding?" I shivered and reached out to turn the heat on.**

"And the transformation begins…" Sam commented.

"Well, not quite yet, but it's soon," Jake pointed out.

**I watched Jacob to see if he was just playing tough so I wouldn't worry, but he looked comfortable enough. He had one arm over the back of my seat, though I was huddled up to keep warm. Jacob really did look older than sixteen-not quite forty, but maybe older than me. Quil didn't have too much on him in the muscle department, for all that Jacob claimed to be a skeleton.**

"In time, that will change," Quil whined. I laughed.

**The muscles were the long wiry kind, but they were definitely there under the smooth sin. His skin was a pretty color, it made me jealous. Jacob noticed my scrutiny. "What?" he asked, suddenly self-conscious? "Nothing. I hadn't realized before. Did you know, you're sort of beautiful?"**

"AWWWW," Emily said in a sweet voice. "That's so sweet." Edward growled loudly. She went quiet.

**Once the words slipped out, I worried that he might take my impulsive observation the wrong way. But Jacob just rolled his eyes. "You hit your head pretty hard, didn't you?" "I'm serious. "Well, then, thanks. Sort of." I grinned. "You're sort of welcome."**

Well that was awkward. I went silent for a few seconds because I could see Edward was ready to blow a gasket again. I waited for Jasper to calm him down, and then continued.

**I had to have seven stitches to close the cut on my forehead. After the sting of the local anesthetic, there was no pain in the procedure. Jacob held my hand while Dr. Snow was sewing, and I tried not to think about why that was ironic. We were at the hospital forever. By the time I was done, I had to drop Jacob off at his home and hurry back to cook dinner for Charlie. Charlie seemed to buy my story about falling in Jacob's garage.**

"Yeah, with Bella, that's pretty easy to believe," Emmett said. Alice snickered. "Knowing Charlie, he was probably thinking to himself, what'd she do this time?" Alice laughed harder.

**After all, it wasn't like I hadn't been able to land myself in the ER before with no more help than my own feet. This night was not as bad as that first night, after I'd heard the perfect voice in Port Angeles. The hole came back, the way it always did when I was away from Jacob, but it didn't throb so badly around the edges. I was already planning ahead, looking forward to more delusions, and that was a distraction.**

"Great, the girl is now so delusional that she's looking forward to hallucinating about you," Alice said angrily.

"I wasn't much better," Edward quietly admitted.

**Also, I knew I would feel better tomorrow when I was with Jacob again. That would make the empty hole and the familiar pain easier to bear; relief was in sight. The nightmare, too, had lost a little of its potency. I was horrified by the nothingness, as always, but I was also strangely impatient as I waited for the moment that would send me screaming into consciousness. I knew the nightmare had to end.**

"Poor Bella. I really hate to see my best friend like this. It hurts so much inside," Alice cooed. I smiled quietly at her.

**The next Wednesday, before I could get home from the ER, Dr. Gerandy called to warn my father that I might possibly have a concussion and advised him to wake me up every two hours through the night to make sure it wasn't serious. Charlie's eyes narrowed suspiciously at my weak explanation about tripping again. "Maybe you should just stay out of the garage altogether, Bella," he suggested that night during dinner.**

"Maybe you should stay away from Jake altogether," Edward muttered quietly.

"Watch it; remember he was the one who brought me out of the slum!" I retorted back. He went quiet.

**I panicked, worried that Charlie would prohibit La Push, and consequently my motorcycle. And I wasn't giving it up-I'd had the most amazing hallucinations today. My velvet-voiced delusion had yelled at me for almost five minutes before I'd hit the brake too abruptly and launched myself into the tree. I'd take whatever pain that would cause me tonight without complaint. **

"Just great! The girl is so delusional that she wants to take the pain, just to hear your voice!" Alice shouted at Edward.

**That didn't happen in the garage," I protested quickly. "We were hiking, and I tripped over a rock." "Since when do you hike?" Charlie asked skeptically. **

"Seriously Bella, you should have just stuck with the hiking story. Why would Charlie ever believe that his clumsy, unathletic daughter would ever go hiking?" Jake asked incredulously.

**"Working at Newton's was bound to rub off sometimes," I pointed out. "Spend every day selling all the virtues of the outdoors, eventually you get curious." Charlie glared at me unconvinced. "I'll be more careful," I promised, surreptitiously crossing my fingers under the table. "I don't mind you hiking right there around La Push, but keep close to town okay?" "Why?" "Well, we've been getting a lot of wildlife complaints lately. The forestry department is going to check into it, but for the time being…"**

"Sorry Charlie," came out of the mouths of all the werewolves at once. Then all the Cullens and Emily laughed.

**"Oh, the big bear," I said with sudden comprehension.**

Sam stood up tall and said, "Roar!" We all laughed harder.

**"Yeah, some of the hikers coming through Newton's have seen it. Do you think there's really some giant mutated grizzly out there?" His forehead creased. "There's something. Keep it close to town, ok?" Sure, sure," I said quickly. He didn't look completely appeased.**

"Too bad the guy who you are hanging out with turns out to be one of those _bears_," Emily joked, putting air quotes around the word bears.

**"Charlie's getting nosy," I complained to Jacob when I picked him up after school Friday. "Maybe we should cool it with the bikes." He saw my objecting expression and added, "At least for a week or so. You could stay out of the hospital for a week, right?"**

I was about to continue reading, until I heard the room burst out laughing. "That's a task in a half, isn't it?" Emmett teased. I stuck my tongue out at him, and continued.

**"What are we going to do?" I griped. He smiled cheerfully. "What ever you want." I thought about that for a minute-about what I wanted. I hated the idea of losing even my brief seconds of closeness with the memories that didn't hurt-the ones that came on their own, without me thinking of them consciously. If I couldn't have the bikes, I was going to have to find some other avenue to the danger and that adrenaline, and that was going to take serious thought and creativity.**

"It's no wonder she never got over you," Jake said glumly. "She was too obsessed with thinking about you."

"I'm glad she was," Edward responded back. Jake opened his mouth in slight shock.

**Doing nothing in the meantime was not appealing. Suppose I got depressed again, even with Jake? I had to keep occupied. Maybe there was some other way, some other recipe….some other place. The house had been a mistake, certainly. But **_**his**_** presence must be stamped somewhere other than inside me. There had to be a place where he seemed more real than among all the familiar landmarks that were crowded with other human memories.**

I took a break, getting really upset over the emotions in the book. Edward handed Nessie to me for a moment to calm me down. I looked into her eyes, and relaxed. I then handed her back to her father, and continued to read.

**I could think of one place that might hold true. One place that would always belong to **_**him**_** and no one else. A magic place, full of light. The beautiful meadow I'd seen only once in my life, lit by sunshine and the sparkle of his skin.**

"Not the most brilliant idea, since that's the place that nearly got you bitten by a revengeful vampire," Jake pointed out.

**This idea had a huge potential for backfiring-it might be dangerously painful. My chest ached with emptiness even to think of it. It was hard to hold myself upright, to not give myself away. But surely, there of all places, I could hear his voice. And I'd already told Charlie I was hiking… "What are you thinking about so hard?" Jacob asked. "Well…," I began slowly. "I found this place in the forest once-I came across it when I was, um, hiking.**

"Right…because Jake is about as likely to believe that you hiked as Charlie did," Alice said laughing.

**"A little meadow, the most beautiful place. I don't know if I could track it down again on my own. It would definitely take a few tries…" "We could use a compass and a grid pattern," Jacob said with a confident helpfulness. "Do you know where you started from?" "Yes, just below the trailhead where the one-ten ends. I was going mostly south, I think." "Cool. We'll find it." As always, Jacob was game for anything I wanted. No matter how strange it was.**

Quil snickered. "No shocker there." Jake smacked him once again over the head.

**So, Saturday afternoon, I tied on my new hiking boots-purchased that morning using my twenty-percent-off employee discount for the first time-grabbed my new topographical map of the Olympic Peninsula, and drove to La Push.**

"Well, this should be interesting," Edward muttered.

**We didn't get started immediately; first, Jacob sprawled across the living room floor-taking up the whole room-and for a full twenty minutes, drew a complicated web across the key section of the map while I perched on a kitchen chair and talked to Billy. Billy didn't seem at all concerned about our proposed hiking trip. I was surprised that Jacob had told him where we were going, given the fuss people were making about the bear sightings.**

"Well, since Billy already knew that you were going to become a werewolf sooner or later, he probably figured that this was practice for late night guarding," Sam pointed out.

"Probably," Jake agreed.

**I wanted to ask Billy not to say anything about this to Charlie, but I was afraid that making the request would cause the opposite result. "Maybe we'll see the super bear," Jacob joked, eyes on his design. I glanced at Billy swiftly, fearing a Charlie-style reaction. But Billy just laughed at his son. "Maybe you should take a jar of honey, just in case"**

"I wouldn't have minded some honey," Sam joked. "Lots of sugar. It would help me keep awake during those late nights," he continued, grinning. Carlisle chuckled.

**Jake chuckled. "Hope your new boots are fast, Bella. One little jar isn't going to keep a hungry bear occupied for long." "I only have to be faster than you."**

"Good luck with that," Jake said.

"**Good luck with that," Jacob said, rolling his eyes as he refolded the map.**

We all burst out laughing. Wow, this author really has the characters down to a tee!

"**Let's go." "Have fun," Billy rumbled, wheeling himself toward the refrigerator. Charlie was not a hard person to live with, but it looked to me like Jacob had it even easier than I did.**

"That's only because he knew that the bear wasn't a "bear"," Jake pointed out.

**I drove to the very end of the dirt road, stopping near the sign that marked the beginning of the trailhead. It had been a long time since I'd been here, and my stomach reacted nervously. This might be a very bad thing. But it would be worth it, if I got to hear **_**him. **_**I got out and looked at the dense wall of green. "I went this way," I murmured, pointing straight ahead.**

"And then ran on my back the rest of the way," Edward said chuckling.

"**Hmm," Jake muttered. "What?" He looked at the direction I'd pointed, then at the clearly marked trail, and back. "I would have figured you for a trail kind of girl." "Not me." I smiled bleakly. "I'm a rebel."**

"That's probably how most of the people view you in the town, what with you dating and marrying a mysterious guy like me," Edward said, with his eyes glowing with delight.

**He laughed, and then pulled out our map. "Give me a second." He held the compass in a skilled way, twisting the map around till it angled the way he wanted. "Okay-first line on the grid. Let's do it."**

"No offense guys, but you're not going to find it on the map. It wouldn't be our special meadow, if anyone can just look it up in a map and find it," Edward pointed out.

**I could tell that I was slowing Jacob up, but he didn't complain. I tried not to dwell on my last trip though this part of the forest, with a very different companion. Normal memories were still dangerous. If I let myself slip up, I'd end up with my arms clutching my chest to hold it together, gasping for air, and how would I explain that to Jacob? It wasn't as hard as I would have thought to keep focused on the present. The forest looked a lot like any other part of the peninsula, and Jacob set a vastly different mood.**

"Yeah, eventually we both found it, fortunately, around the same time. If I didn't find it at that point, Bella might not even be alive today," Jake pointed out. Edward mouthed the words _thank you _to him.

**He whistled cheerfully, an unfamiliar tune, swinging his arms and moving easily through the rough undergrowth. The shadows didn't seem as dark as usual. Not with my personal sun along. Jacob checked the compass every few minutes, keeping us in a straight line with one of the radiating spokes of his grid. He really looked like he knew what he was doing.**

"Well, I _tried_ to look like I knew what I was doing. Honestly, I was just following instinct. The map didn't make sense to me at all, with what your own directions said," he pointed out. I shrugged my shoulders.

**I was about to compliment him, but I caught myself. No doubt he'd add another few years to his inflated age. My mind wandered as I walked, and I grew curious. I hadn't forgotten the conversation we'd had by the sea cliffs-I'd been waiting for him to bring it up again, but it didn't look like that was going to happen. "Hey…Jake?" I asked hesitantly. "Yeah?" "How are things…with Embry? Is he back to normal yet?"**

Embry looked down at himself, changed to his wolf form, then changed back. "Nope, still not back to normal," he joked. I snorted.

**Jacob was silent for a minute, still moving forward with long paces. When he was about ten feet ahead, he stopped to wait for me. "No. He's not back to normal," Jacob said when I reached him, his mouth pulling down at the corners. He didn't start walking again. I immediately regretted bringing it up. "Still with Sam." "Yup."**

"That darn Sam," Emily teased with a huge smile on her face. I laughed.

**He put his arm around my shoulder, and he looked so troubled that I didn't playfully shake it off, as I might have otherwise. "Are they still looking at you funny?" I half-whispered. Jacob stared through the trees. "Sometimes." "And Billy?" "As helpful as ever," he said in a sour, angry voice that disturbed me. "Our couch is always open," I offered.**

"He wouldn't be able to fit though," Quil commented. Embry, Sam, and Seth snickered.

**He laughed, breaking out of the unnatural gloom. "But think of the position that would put Charlie in-when Billy calls the police to report my kidnapping."**

"That'd be a little odd, to say the least," Jake said laughing.

**Hi laughed too, glad to have Jacob back to normal. We stopped when Jacob said we'd gone six miles, cut west for a short time, and headed back along another line on his grid. Everything looked exactly the same as the way in, and I had a feeling that my silly quest was pretty much doomed.**

"Didn't I already say that?" Edward asked, chuckling.

**I admitted as much when it started to get darker, the sunless day fading toward a starless night, but Jacob was more confident. "As long as you're sure we're starting from the right place…" he glanced down at me. "Yes, I'm sure." "Then we'll find it," he promised, grabbing my hand and pulling me through a mass of ferns. On the other side was the truck. He gestured toward it proudly. "Trust me."**

"Thank goodness I wasn't alone, or else I would never have realized where the hell I was in the first place!" I said, making a point.

Edward chuckled, "Not that it mattered. You found it eventually on your own, didn't you?"

"Unfortunately," I responded quietly.

**"You're good," I admitted. "Next time we bring flashlights, though." "We'll save hiking for Sundays from now on. I didn't know you were that slow."**

"Now I'm faster than you," I said. He stuck his tongue out in protest, and I laughed.

**I yanked my hand back and stomped around to the driver's side while he chuckled to my reaction. "So you up for another try tomorrow?" he asked, sliding into the passenger seat. "Sure. Unless you want to go without me so I don't tie you down to my gimpy pace." "I'll survive," he assured me. "If we're hiking again, though, you might want to pick up some moleskin. I bet you can feel those new boots right now." "A little," I confessed. It felt like I had more blisters than I had space to fit them.**

"Yeah, Bella. Not the most brilliant of ideas to wear those kind of boots without protective wear," Jake said laughing.

**"I hope we see the bear tomorrow. I'm sort of disappointed about that. "Yes, me, too," I agreed sarcastically. "Maybe we'll get lucky tomorrow and something will eat us!"**

"Wow, Bella. You _want _to get eaten. That's just sad," Alice said to me.

**"Bears don't want to eat people. We don't taste that good." He grinned at me in the dark cab. "Of course, you **_**might**_** be an exception. I bet you'd taste good."**

"That must have been awkward to hear," Carlisle said chuckling.

**"Thanks so much," I said, looking away. He wasn't the first person to tell me that.**

"Don't worry Bells, now you smell gross, and don't have any appeal to animals," Jake said smirking.

**K that's the chapter. What'd you think? Hm, who might be coming next chapter? NOT TELLING!! One thing is, he/she/they is/are the last to come in to my story. Any more people and it will get confusing over who's there and who's not. So review, take guesses on who's coming, and I will see you next chapter.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, as much as I wish I could sometimes ******

**Hey guys, here we go again. Big chapter coming up. Plus the surprise guest(s) is/are coming in this chapter. Also thank you, M4roth for the interesting advice on a part that I made a major mistake last chapter!!!! But trust me; I'm going to make a fix to that in this chapter. You will see what I mean.**

Chapter 13 (Chapter 9 Third Wheel)

After finishing the last chapter, I took a small breather and looked up to get a feel for how the room was feeling. That was when I noticed something very interesting. It would seem that when Embry changed back into human form, he never got dressed!!! Everyone noticed that I was staring at him, followed my eyes, and went into shock.

Jake smacked Embry over the head. "Get dressed, dumbass!!" He shouted at him. Embry looked down, embarrassed and blushing. He quickly changed back into his wolf form, left the room with his clothes in his mouth, and came back in, human form and dressed. We all laughed.

**Time began to trip along much more quickly than before. School, work, and Jacob-though not necessarily in that order-created a neat and effortless pattern to follow. And Charlie got his wish: I wasn't miserable anymore. Of course, I couldn't fool myself completely.**

"You weren't completely fooling me either, Bella," Jake pointed out. "I could see it in your eyes that you were still in pain over him." I nodded quietly, understanding what he meant.

**When I stopped to take stock of my life, which I tried not to do too often, I couldn't ignore the implications of my behavior. I was like a lost moon-my planet destroyed in some cataclysmic, disaster-movie scenario of desolation-that continued, nevertheless, to circle in a tight little orbit around the empty space left behind, ignoring the laws of gravity.**

"Poor Bella," Alice cooed. "That must have been really hard to hold that all in on the inside."

"That's why my father suggested I go see a doctor. But what am I supposed to say? I'm in love with a vampire who left me so no one bites me?" I asked joking. Everyone laughed.

**I was getting better with my bike, which meant fewer bandages to worry Charlie. But it also meant that the voice in my head began to fade, until I heard it no more. Quietly, I panicked. I threw myself into the search for the meadow with slightly frenzied intensity. I racked my brain for other adrenaline-producing activities.**

"It was an adrenaline rush. You can Google it," Sam said in a joking voice. We all looked at him confused. "Never mind," he continued, chuckling to himself. (Remember, Sam was the one who said he knew of the books? So I figured he knew of the movie too)

**I didn't keep track of the days that passed-there was no reason, as I tried to live as much in the present as possible, no past fading, no future impending. So I was surprised by the date when Jacob brought it up on one of our homework days. He was waiting when I pulled up in front of his house. "Happy Valentine's Day," Jacob said, smiling, but ducking his head as he greeted me.**

"Probably not a very happy one for Bella," Seth pointed out. I nodded.

**He held out a small, pink box, balancing it on his palm. Conversation hearts. "Well, I feel like a schmuck," I mumbled. "Is today Valentine's Day?" Jacob shook his head with mock sadness. "You can be so out of it sometimes. Yes it is the fourteenth day of February.**

"Not very surprised that Bella isn't in the loop on current events," Alice pointed out.

**"So are you going to be my Valentine? Since you didn't get me a fifty-cent box of candy, it's the least you can do."**

"Who wants to bet that this made Bella incredibly uncomfortable," Emmett said laughing. We all chuckled, except for Jake, who was pretty quiet.

**I started to feel uncomfortable. The words were teasing, but only on the surface.**

"See???"

**"What exactly does that entail?" I hedged. "The usual-slave for life, that kind of thing." "Oh, well, if that's all…" I took the candy. But I was trying to think of some way to make the boundaries clear. Again. They seemed to get blurred a lot with Jacob.**

"Hormones," Jake chuckled. I growled at him.

**"So, what are we doing tomorrow? Hiking, or the ER?" "Hiking," I decided. "You're not the only one who can be obsessive. I'm starting to think I imagined that place…" I frowned into space. "We'll find it," he assured me. "Bikes Friday?" he offered. I saw a chance and took it without taking time to think it through. "I'm going to a movie Friday. I've been promising the cafeteria crowd that I would go out forever." Mike would be pleased.**

"Uh oh," Jake and I said at the same time. We looked at each other, half laughing half frightened of how people will react to what goes on that night at the movies.

**But Jacob's face fell. I caught the expression in his dark eyes before he dropped them to look at the ground. "You'll come too, right?" I asked quickly. "Or will it be too much of a drag with a bunch of boring seniors?"**

"What sophomore wouldn't love hanging out with seniors?" Emmett asked laughing. We all laughed as well.

**So much for my chance to put some distance between us. I couldn't stand hurting Jacob; we seemed to be connected in an odd way, and his pain set off little stabs of my own.**

"You seem to be connected because like Edward here, Jake is also a monster. DANGER ALERT DANGER ALERT!!" Alice shouted. We all cracked up laughing.

**Also, the idea of having his company for the ordeal-I **_**had**_** promised Mike, but really didn't feel any enthusiasm at the thought of following through-was just too tempting. "You'd like me to come, with your friends there?"**

"Well, almost all your friends are here," came a voice from the entrance way. Alice got up and skipped out of the room to welcome the "surprise guests". In walked five guests.

The first of the five could be described as a tall, dark-haired man with a hint of an olive tone in his chalky complexion. His mate had black hair with a hint of an olive tone to her chalky complexion. The next two were also mates. The female had blonde hair that could be described as being straight as cornsilk, with pale skin and golden eyes. Her mate looked like he could be going on an adventure. He could be described as a tall, rangy vampire with eager nearly golden eyes, as if he was in the process of fully becoming vegetarian, and long sandy hair tied back in a ponytail, with a leather thong. The last of the five was a young woman. She had the same pale skin, and golden eyes, but her hair was strawberry blonde and curly, unlike any of the others.

"Hey guys, look who's here," Alice said, very bubbly.

"Hello, Carmen, Eleazer, Tanya, Kate, and Garrett. What are you doing here?"

"We figured we would make a surprise visit and see everyone. It would seem that everyone is here," Eleazer said. "Wait a minute, why is everyone here?" Edward took the book from my hands and showed them and told them what was going on.

"Wow, so this is when you guys came to us for a while and when I tried to…" Tanya was about to say. "Yeah, sorry about that."

"No hard feelings," I smiled at her. They sat down and we continued.

**"Yes," I admitted honestly, knowing as I continued that I was probably shooting myself in the foot with my words. "I'll have a lot more fun if you're there. Bring Quil, and we'll make it a party." "Quil's gonna freak. Senior girls." He chortled and rolled his eyes. **

"See? What'd I tell you?" Emmett said laughing.

**I didn't mention Embry, and neither did he. I laughed, too. "I'll try to get him a good selection."**

Jake laughed. "What selection? He didn't even end up coming. It was you, me, and Mike, who threw up half the night." I snorted.

**I broached the subject with Mike in English. "Hey Mike, I said when class was over." Are you free Friday night?" He looked up, his blue eyes instantly hopeful. "Yeah, I am. You want to go out?" I worded my reply carefully. "I was thinking about getting a **_**group**_**"- I emphasized the word-"together to go see **_**Crosshairs**_**." **

"Smart move, Bella. Sometimes I wonder who was worse, Mike or Jake?" Rose scoffed. Tanya and Emmett laughed.

"Is that the idiot you told me about who followed Bella around school like a lap dog?" Tanya asked between chuckles. Edward nodded, smiling. Wow he described Mike the way I saw him the first day of school.

**I'd done my homework this time-even reading the movie spoilers to be sure I wouldn't be caught off guard. This movie was supposed to be a bloodbath from start to finish. I wasn't so recovered that I could stand to sit through a romance. **

"I would have helped you deal with it," Jake said with a huge grin. I tried to growl but ended up chuckling. Gotta love his grins.

**"Does that sound like fun?" "Sure," he agreed, visibly less eager. "Cool." After a second, he perked back up to near his former excitement level. "How about we get Angela and Ben? Or Eric and Katie?"**

"Yeah, as long as it's not Lauren and Jessica," Alice laughed.

**He was determined to make this some kind of double date, apparently. "How about both?" I suggested. "And Jessica, too, of course. And Tyler and Conner, and maybe Lauren," I tacked on grudgingly. I **_**had**_** promised Quil variety.**

"Variety is very good," Quil said with a smirk on his face. I laughed.

**"Okay," Mike muttered, foiled. "And," I continued, "I've got a couple of friends from La Push I'm inviting. So it sounds like we'll need your Suburban if everyone comes."**

"Yeah, they were all coming, until they heard you came along," Jake teased. Seth and Embry snickered.

**"These are the friends you spend all your time studying with now?" "Yep, the very ones," I answered cheerfully. "Though you could look at it as tutoring-they're only sophomores.**

Tanya laughed, "Yeah, right. Tutoring, sure…" I laughed really hard.

**"Oh," Mike said, surprised. After a second of thought, he smiled. In the end, the suburban wasn't necessary. Jessica and Lauren claimed to be busy as soon as Mike let it slip that I was involved in the planning.**

"They're no fun anyway," Edward said, smiling at me.

**Eric and Katie already had plans-it was their three-week anniversary or something. Lauren got to Tyler and Conner before Mike could, so those two were also busy. Even Quil was out-grounded for fighting at school.**

Quil laughed, "_Please_, the kid hit me first, so I hit him back in defense. But since the dumbass principle didn't see Teddy hit me first, she figured that I was the one causing the fight." Embry and Jake snickered.

**In the end, only Angela and Ben, and of course Jacob, were able to go. The diminished numbers didn't dampen Mike's anticipation, though. It was all he could talk about Friday. "Are you sure you don't want to see **_**Tomorrow and Forever**_** instead?" he asked at lunch, naming the current romantic comedy that was ruling the box office. "Rotten Tomatoes gave it a better review."**

"K, seriously, this kid is getting on my nerves," Tanya commented. "I thought I was bad when I playfully flirted with Edward during that break, but this is ridiculous!" Edward and I laughed at the same time.

**"I want to see **_**Crosshairs**_**," I insisted. "I'm in the mood for action. Bring on the blood and guts!" "Okay." Mike turned away, but not before I saw his maybe-she's-crazy-after-all expression.**

"I'm here; I'm crazy, so get over it!" I shouted joyfully. Everyone burst out laughing.

**When I got home from school, a very familiar car was parked in front of my house. Jacob was leaning against the hood, a huge grin lighting up his face. "No way!" I shouted as I jumped out of the truck. "You're done! I can't believe it! You finished the Rabbit!" He beamed. "Just last night. This is the maiden voyage.**

"Bad choice of a night to take it out for the first time," I said laughing, remembering back to the night of the movies. Jake frowned.

**"Incredible." I held my hand up for a high five. He smacked my hand against mine, but left it there, twisting his fingers through mine. "So do I get to drive tonight?" "Definitely," I said, and then I sighed. "What's wrong?" 'I'm giving up-I can't top this one. So you win. You're the oldest."**

"Yeah, but remember, you grew five years when you were pregnant, and another five when you survived the pregnancy, sort of anyway," Jake grinned at me. "Not to mention the fifteen years more for kicking the Volturi's ass!!" I grinned back at him.

** He shrugged, unsurprised by my capitulation. "Of course I am." Mike's Suburban chugged around the corner. I pulled my hand out of Jacob's, and he made a face that I wasn't meant to see. "I remember this guy," he said in a low voice as Mike parked across the street. "The one who thought you were his girlfriend. If he still confused?"**

"For the most part, yes," Alice pointed out. I snickered.

**I raised one eyebrow. "Some people are hard to discourage." "Then again," Jacob said thoughtfully, "Sometimes persistence pays off." "Most of the time it's just annoying, though." Mike got out of his car and crossed the road. "Hey, Bella," he greeted me, and then his eyes turned wary as he looked up at Jacob.**

"Jealousy much?" Kate asked with a big grin on her face. Jake chuckled. Wow, Jake really was starting to get used to being around vampires. He only met the Denali's once before, but I guess they're family to us; he is trying his best to bare it and have a good time. He looked fine, not nervous or anything

**I glanced briefly at Jacob, too, trying to be objective. He really didn't look like a sophomore at all. He was just so big-Mike's head barely cleared Jacob's shoulder; I didn't even want to think where I measured next to him-and then his face was older-looking than it used to be, even a month ago.**

"There's really only one way to measure who's a better _man_," Embry said laughing like crazy. I was confused. Edward chuckled and whispered in my ear, 'he means you would have to measure _down there_.' I cracked up laughing.

**"Hey, Mike! Do you remember Jacob Black?" "Not really," Mike held out his hand. "Old family friend," Jacob introduced himself, shaking hands. They locked hands with more force than necessary. When their grip broke, Mike flexed his fingers. I heard the phone righting from the kitchen.**

"And the night gets more awkward…"

**"I'd better get that-it might be Charlie," I told them, and dashed inside. It was Ben. Angela was sick with the stomach flu, and he didn't feel like coming without her. He apologized for bailing on us. I walked slowly back to the waiting boys, shaking my head. I really hoped Angela would feel better soon, but I had to admit that I was selfishly upset by this development.**

Edward chuckled. "I don't think I blame you. You were about to go to the movies with your 2 stalkers, no offense, Jake. You were pretty bad for a while." Jake put his head in his lap in shame. Nessie reached for him from my arms to calm him down. I handed her to him, and they started playing, which immediately cheered him up, so I continued.

**Just the three of us, Mike and Jacob and me, together for the evening-this had worked out brilliantly, I thought with grim sarcasm. It didn't seem like Jake and Mike had made any progress towards friendship in my absence. They were several yards apart, facing away from each other as they waited for me; Mike's expression was sullen, though Jacob's was cheerful as always.**

"Major Déjà vu," Garrett said in a sarcastic voice. "Kind of like us vs. the Volturi." We all laughed, remembering their pathetic attempts at killing us all. Then it went silent, as the two sisters went silent. After Jasper sent out a wave of calmness, I was able to start again.

**"Ang is sick," I told them glumly. "She and Ben aren't coming." "I guess the flu is making another round. Austin and Conner were out today, too. Maybe we should do this another time," Mike suggested. Before I could agree, Jacob spoke. "I'm still up for it. But if you'd rather stay behind Mike-" "No. I'm coming," Mike interrupted. "I was just thinking of Angela and Ben. Let's go."**

"Hey, Bella, they boys are loco for you," Carmen teased. I laughed.

**He started toward his Suburban. "Hey, do you mind if Jacob drives?" I asked. "I told him he could-he just finished his car. He built it from scratch, all by himself," I bragged, proud as a PTA mom with a student on the principal's list. "Fine," Mike snapped. "All right, then," Jacob said, as if that settled everything. He seemed more comfortable than anyone else.**

"Because I could tell that you had no feelings for him, and you still don't, or ever will," Jacob said while smiling.

**Mike climbed in the backseat of the Rabbit with a disgusted expression. Jacob was his normal sunny self, chattering away until I'd all but forgotten Mike sulking silently in the back. And then Mike changed his strategy, resting his chin on the shoulder of my seat; his cheek almost touched mine. I shifted away, turning my back toward the window.**

"Hey Jake, even if I never loved you as much as I love Edward, I love you a hell of a lot more than Mike any day of the week," I said honestly. He chuckled.

**"Doesn't the radio work in this thing?" Mike asked with a hint of petulance, interrupting Jacob mid-sentence. "Yes," Jacob answered. "But Bella doesn't like music." I stared at Jacob, surprised. I'd never told him that. **

"All the more reason I like you more than Mike. He doesn't know crap about me," I pointed out. He chuckled again. This was pretty entertaining, even if my life went downhill from here.

**"He's right," I mumbled, still looking at Jacob's serene profile. "How can you not like music?" Mike demanded. I shrugged. "I don't know. It just irritates me." "Hmph," Mike leaned away. When we got to the theater, Jacob handed me a ten-dollar bill. "What's this?" I objected. "I'm not old enough to get into this one," he reminded me.**

"Yeah right, they way you look, people would think you're twenty-five," Garrett pointed out. "If you weren't a werewolf, I would so ask you to come for a hiking trip with me sometime. That'd probably be awesome." Jake remained quiet, shocked.

**I laughed out loud. "So much for relative ages. Is Billy going to kill me if I sneak you in?" "No. I told him you were planning to corrupt my youthful innocence."**

I stopped reading because I was about to burst out laughing from the comment in the book. I refocused and read again.

**I snickered, and Mike quickened his pace to keep up with us. I almost wished that Mike had decided to bow out. He was still sullen-not much of an addition to the party. But I didn't want to end up on a date alone with Jacob, either. That wouldn't help anything.**

"Yeah, because this is _so much better_," Emmett teased. I stuck my tongue out at him.

**The movie was exactly what it professed to be. In just the opening credits, four people got blown up and one got beheaded. The girl in front of me put her hands over her eyes and turned her face into her date's chest. He patted her shoulder, and wince occasionally too. Mike didn't look like he was watching. **

"No, he was too busy throwing up," Jake said. I snorted from laughing so hard.

**His face was stiff as he glared toward the fringe of curtain above the screen. I settled in to endure the two hours, watching the colors and movements on the screen rather than seeing the shapes of people and cars and houses. But then Jacob started sniggering.**

Jasper chuckled. "I didn't know a bloodfest movie could have comedy," he teased.

**"What?" I whispered. "Oh, c'mon!" he hissed back. "The blood squirted twenty feet out of that guy. How fake can you get?" He chuckled again, as a flagpole speared another man into a concrete wall. After that, I really watched the show, laughing with him as the mayhem got more and more ridiculous. How was I ever going to fight the blurring lines in our relationship when I enjoyed being with him so much?**

"And the love triangle begins," Sam said smiling.

**Both Jacob and Mike had claimed the armrests on either side of me. Both of their hands rested lightly, palms up, in an unnatural looking position. Like steel bear traps, open and ready. Jacob was in the habit of taking my hand whenever the opportunity presented itself, but here in the darkened movie theater, with Mike watching, it would have a different significance. **

Edward chuckled. "I really wish I was there to see this," Alice said laughing as well.

**I couldn't believe that Mike was thinking the same thing, but his hand was placed exactly like Jacob's. I folded my arms tightly across my chest and hoped that both their hands fell asleep.**

Rose chuckled. "Smart move."

**Mike gave up first. About halfway through the movie, he pulled his arm back, and leaned forward to put his head in his hands. At first I thought he was reacting to something on the screen, but then he moaned.**

Here we go, I muttered to myself, while lightly chuckling.

**"Mike, are you okay?" I whispered. The couple in front of us turned to look at him as he groaned again. "No," he gasped. "I think I'm sick." I could see the sheen of sweat across his face in the light from the screen. Mike groaned again, and bolted for the door. I got up to follow him, and Jacob copied me immediately.**

"I remember we all got sick that night. That night was miserable," I moaned.

"Yeah, but you two didn't get what I ended up getting," Jake muttered. The room got really quiet for a few seconds.

**"No, stay," I whispered. "I'll make sure he's okay." Jacob came with me anyway. "You don't have to come. Get your eight bucks worth of carnage," I insisted as we walked up the aisle.**

"The movie sucked anyway," Jake pointed out.

**"That's ok. You sure can pick them, Bella. This movie really sucks." His voice rose from a whisper to its normal pitch as we walked out of the theater. There was no sign of Mike in the hallway, and I was glad then that Jacob had come with me-he ducked into the men's bathroom to check for him there. Jacob was back in a few seconds.**

"Yeah, be seriously glad that you weren't a guy. It was not a pretty sight to see," Jacob pointed out, looking disgusted.

**"Oh, he's in there, all right," he said, rolling his eyes. "What a marshmallow. You should hold out for someone with a stronger stomach. Someone who laughs at the gore that makes weaker men vomit."**

"I guess I fit into that category too," Edward said with a big smile on his face. "I'm dead. I think my stomach would do just fine." I laughed.

**"I'll keep my eyes open for someone like that." We were all alone in the hallway. Both theaters were halfway through the movie, and it was deserted-quiet enough for us to hear the popcorn popping at the concession counter in the lobby. Jacob went to sit on the velveteen-upholstered bench against the wall, patting the space beside him. "He sounded like he was going to be in there for a while," he said, stretching his lo9ng legs out in front of him as he settled in to wait.**

"Seriously, it was pretty nasty," Jake continued to point out.

"I know, I remember getting it that night. Didn't you get sick as well?" I asked trying to remember that miserable night.

"Yeah, I got _sick_," he answered, putting air quotes around the word sick. Oh G-d, now I remember that night way too well.

**I joined him with a sigh. He looked like he was thinking about blurring more lines. Sure enough, as soon as I sat down, he shifted over to put his arm around my shoulders. "Jake," I protested, leaning away. He dropped his arm, not looking bothered at all by the minor rejection.**

"Doesn't mean he wasn't thinking it inside though," Edward pointed out. I mouthed I know to him.

**He reached out and took my hand firmly, wrapping his other hand around my wrist when I tried to pull away again. Where did he get the confidence from? "Now, just hold on a minute, Bella," he said in a calm voice. "Tell me something." I grimaced. I didn't want to do this. Not just not now, but not ever.**

"Then you should be glad that during all that time, he didn't end up imprinting on you," Sam commented. I nodded. I'm just glad that he did find someone to love, even if he has to wait a few years to date her, or else it would be very strange looking to date a 6 ½ year old-looking girl.

**There nothing left in my life at that point that was more important than Jacob Black. But he seemed determined to ruin everything.**

"Lovely, just lovely. You viewed it as ruining the situation, and I here I was trying to make the situation better," Jake huffed. I shrugged my shoulders and gave an apologetic smile to him.

**"What?" I muttered sourly. "You like me, right?" "You know I do." "Better than that joker puking his guts out in there?" He gestured toward the bathroom door. "Yes," I sighed. "Better than any of the other guys you know?"**

"Well, that's questionable," Edward said with my favorite grin on his face.

**He was calm, serene-as if my answer didn't matter, or he already knew what it was. "Better than the girls, too," I pointed out. "But that's all," he said, and it wasn't a question. It was hard to answer to say the word. Would he get hurt and avoid me? How would I stand that?**

"Well, technically after that night, I did avoid you. But not exactly for that reason."

**"Yes," I whispered. He grinned down at me. "That's okay, you know. As long as you like me the best. **_**And**_** you think I'm good looking-sort of. I'm prepared to be annoyingly persistent."**

Edward laughed. "No doubt about that," he said.

**"I'm not going to change," I said, and though I tried to keep my voice normal, I could hear the sadness in it. His face was thoughtful, no longer teasing. "It's still the other one, isn't it?" I cringed. Funny how he seemed to know not to say the name-just like before in the car with the music. He picked up on so much about me that I never said.**

"That's what a best friend is for," Jake said with a massive grin on his face. I cracked up laughing.

**"You don't have to talk about it," he told me. I nodded, grateful. "But don't get mad at me for hanging around, okay?" Jacob patted the back of my hand. "Because I'm not giving up. I've got loads of time." I sighed. "You shouldn't waste it on me," I said, though I wanted him to. Especially if he was willing to accept me the way I was-damaged goods, as is.**

"Trust me, he wanted to spend all the time in the world with you," Quil said with a grin on his face. Jake whacked him over the head.

**"It's what I want to do, as long as you still like to be with me." "I can't imagine how I could **_**not**_** like being with you," I told him honestly.**

Alice laughed. "He must have _loved_ hearing you say that."

**Jacob beamed. "I can live with that." "Just don't expect more," I warned him, trying to pull my hand away. He held onto it obstinately. "This doesn't really bother you, does it?" he demanded, squeezing my fingers.**

"I don't know if it bothered her, but it sure as hell is bothering me!!" Edward shouted. Esme looked at him with warning eyes, and he quieted down. When he was calming down, Renesmee decided to wake up in my lap. She stretched and looked up, to find out that the Denalis were here now.

"KATE!!!!!" She shouted, jumping out of my lap and running to Kate. Kate picked her up and swung her around. She giggled. "Mommy, can I sit in Kate's lap?" I nodded. She jumped up and down, very excitedly. It was really cute. Once she settled down, I started reading again.

**"No," I sighed. Truthfully, it felt nice. His hand was much warmer than mine; I always felt too cold these days.**

Sam chuckled, "I don't think that's the reason why his body felt so warm." I joined in the laughter.

**"And you don't care what **_**he**_** thinks." Jacob jerked his thumb toward the bathroom. "I guess not." "So what's the problem?" "The problem, I said, "is that it means something different to me than it does to you." "Well." He tightened his hand around mine. "That's **_**my **_**problem, isn't it?"**

"Well, it was my problem. Until I found this amazing, wonderful, sweet, beautiful baby girl who I fell in love with," Jake said, staring gently at Renesmee. She grinned back at him.

**"Fine," I grumbled. "Don't forget it though." "I won't. The pin's out of the grenade for me, now, eh?" He poked me in the ribs.**

"What is with you and grenades?? Are you a terrorist or something?" Seth teased. We all laughed.

**I rolled my eyes. I guess if he felt like making a joke out of it, he was entitled. He chuckled quietly for a minute while his pinky finger absently traced designs against the side of my hand. "That's a funny scar you've got there," he suddenly said, twisting my hand to examine it. "How did that happen?"**

"Oh I don't know, there was this evil bitchy vampire who was out to get me, nearly changed me by biting this disgusting scar. But, no big deal," I teased. We all chuckled.

**The index finger of his free hand followed the line of the long silvery crescent that was barely visible against my pale skin. I scowled. "Do you honestly expect me to remember where all my scars come from?" I waited for the memory to hit-to open the gaping hole. But, as it often did, Jacob's presence kept me whole.**

"And I am forever grateful to you for that," Edward said honestly to Jake. Jake let a small smile escape.

**"It's cold," he murmured, pressing lightly against the place were James had cut me with his teeth. And then Mike stumbled out of the bathroom, his face ashen and covered in sweat. He looked horrible. "Oh, Mike," I gasped. "Do you mind leaving early?" he whispered.**

"Well since the movie was a piece of shit according to you guys, I would think the answer would be yes," Alice said with a smile on her face. I laughed.

**"No, of course not." I pulled my hand free and went to help Mike walk. He looked unsteady. "Movie too much for you?" Jacob asked heartlessly. Mike's glare was malevolent. "I was nauseated before the lights went down."**

"Wonder why," Edward chuckled.

**"Why didn't you say something?" I scolded as we staggered toward the exit. "I was hoping it would pass," he said. "Just a sec," Jacob said as we reached the door. He walked quickly back to the concession stand. "Could I have an empty popcorn bucket?" he asked the salesgirl. She looked at Mike once, and then thrust a bucket a Jacob. "Get him outside, please," she begged. She was obviously the one who would have to clean the floor.**

"Hm, can you say horrible job much?" Sam asked. We all laughed.

**I towed Mike out into the cool, wet air. He inhaled deeply. Jacob was right behind us. He helped me get mike into the back of the car, and handed him the bucket with a serious gaze. "Please," was all Jacob said. We rolled down the windows, letting the icy night air blow through the car, hoping it would help Mike. I curled my arms around my legs to keep warm. "Cold, again?" Jacob asked, putting his arm around me before I could answer.**

"Hot again?" Emily asked Jake in a teasing voice. He grinned at her.

**"You're not?" He shook his head. "You must have a fever or something," I grumbled.**

"Yeah, something like that," Jake mumbled.

**It was freezing. I touched my fingers to his forehead, and his head **_**was**_** hot. "Whoa, Jake-you're burning up!" "I feel fine." He shrugged. "Fit as a fiddle." I frowned and touched his head again. His skin blazed under my fingers. "You're hands are like ice," he complained. "Maybe it's me," I allowed.**

"If only," Jake mumbled again. Poor Jake, I thought to myself. Edward saw the sympathy in my eyes and rubbed my back.

**Mike groaned in the backseat, and threw up in the bucket. I grimaced, hoping my own stomach could stand the sound and smell. Jacob checked anxiously over his shoulder to make sure his car wasn't defiled.**

"Like I said, it was the wrong night to take it on a trial run," Jake muttered, snarling through his teeth. "Do you even know how long it took me to get that smell out? Why do you think I rode my bike so much after that??" We were all laughing, while Jake growled even more.

**The road felt longer on the way back. Jacob was quiet, thoughtful. He left his arm around me, and it was so warm that the cold wind felt good. I stared out the windshield, consumed with guilt. It was so wrong to encourage Jacob. It didn't matter that I'd tried to make my position clear. If he felt any hope at all that this could turn into something other than friendship, than I hadn't been clear enough.**

"That wasn't the problem," Edward pointed out. "Because, up until the birth of Nessie, he still kept thinking that he wished it was more than a friendship," he continued. I mouthed the words _I know_ to him, before kissing him lightly on the cheek.

**How could I explain so that he would understand? I was an empty shell. Like a vacant house-condemned-for months I'd been utterly uninhabitable.**

"Hehe, condemned. It sounds like condomed. Hehe," Emmett said, chuckling. We all just shook our heads in amazement.

**Now I was a little improved. The front room was in better repair. But that was all-just the one small piece. He deserved better than that-better than a one-room, falling-down fixer-upper. No amount of investment on his part could put me back in working order.**

"Didn't mean I wasn't going to try with all my might," Jake pointed out. I shrugged.

**Yet I knew that I wouldn't send him away, regardless. I needed him too much, and I was selfish. Maybe I could make my side more clear, so that he would know to leave me. The thought made me shudder, and Jacob tightened his arm around me. I drove Mike home in his Suburban, while Jacob followed behind us to take me home. Jacob was quiet all the way back to my house, and I wondered if he were thinking the same things that I was. **

"No, he probably thinking about why you were so cold, when he was burning up," Sam commented.

"Yeah, well he found out the reason real soon, didn't he?"

**Maybe he was changing his mind. "I would invite myself in, since we're early," he said as we pulled up next to my truck. "But I think you might be right about the fever. I'm starting to feel a little…strange."**

"Oh god, get home now Jake!!" Sam shouted at the book. We all laughed.

"Uh, Sam, you know the Jake in the book can't hear you right now, right?" Edward said, while chuckling. Sam blushed.

**"Oh no, not you, too! Do you want me to drive you home?" "No." He shook his head, his eyebrows pulling together. "I don't feel sick yet. Just…wrong. If I have to, I'll pull over."**

"Bella, be glad you didn't drive him home. He barely made it home before he changed. Knowing what Emily has had to go through, I can't imagine what it would have been like for you to have seen him change for the first time. I know you are accepting of him, but you might not have been if you witnessed his first change. It's usually a pretty frightening situation," Sam explained to me. All I could do was nod.

**"Will you call me as soon as you get in?" I asked anxiously. "Sure, sure." He frowned, staring ahead into the darkness and biting his lip. I opened the door to get out, but he grabbed my wrist lightly and held me there. I noticed again how hot his skin felt on mine. "What is it, Jake?" "There's something I want to tell you, Bella…but I think it's going to sound kind of corny."**

"Uh oh," Edward said in a worried voice.

**I sighed. This would be more of the same from the theater. "Go ahead." "It's just that, I know how you're unhappy a lot. And, maybe it doesn't help anything, but I wanted you to know that I'm always here. I won't ever let you down-I promise that you can always count on me.**

I scoffed. "Too bad that promise didn't last very long, now did it?" Jake slinked down in his seat.

**"Wow, that does sound corny. But you know that, right? That I would never, ever hurt you?" "Yeah, Jake. I know that. And I already do count on you, probably more than you know." The smile broke across his face the way the sunrise see the clouds on fire, and I wanted to cut my tongue out.**

"I'll do that for you if you'd like," Tanya teased. I grinned at her laughing.

"No, I think that it's ok. I like having my tongue in my mouth, thank you very much." Edward snorted.

**I hadn't said one word that was a lie, but I should have lied. The truth was wrong, it would hurt him. **_**I **_**would let **_**him**_** down. A strange look crossed his face. "I really think I'd better go home now," he said. I got out quickly. "Call me!" I yelled as he pulled away. I watched him go, and he seemed to be in control of the car, at least. I stared at the empty street when he was gone, feeling a little sick myself, but not for any physical reason.**

"I love being a vampire. I no longer have to worry about getting sick," I said. Alice grinned wildly at me, and I grinned back.

**How much I wished that Jacob Black had been born my brother, my flesh-and-blood brother, so that I would have some legitimate claim on him that still left me free of any blame now.**

"If I was your brother, it would be _really_ creepy if I had still imprinted on Nessie." I burst out laughing.

**Heaven knows I had never wanted to use Jacob, but I couldn't help but interpret the guilt I felt now to mean that I had. Even more, I had never meant to love him. One thing I truly knew-knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest-was how love gave someone the power to break you.**

"Yeah, but the most important thing is that you love me more than him," Edward said with a wide grin on his face. I kissed him on the lips, smiling.

**I'd been broken beyond repair. But I needed Jacob now, needed him like a drug. I'd used him as a crutch for too long, and I was in deeper than I'd planned to go with anyone again. Now I couldn't bear for him to be hurt, and I couldn't keep from hurting him, either. **

"Awe, poor Bella. Boy, I bet you're glad that I showed up in time to save you from yourself," Alice said smiling. I grinned back.

**He thought time and patience would change me, and, though I knew he was dead wrong, I also knew that I would let him try. He was my best friend. I would always love him, and it would never, ever be enough. **

"Poor Jakie," Nessie cooed. She then got up off of Kate's lap, and walked over to Jake, got up on his lap, and gave him a big hug. Jake smiled down at her.

**I went inside to sit by the phone and bite my nails. "Movie over already?" Charlie asked in surprise when I came in.**

"Yes, it was the shortest movie ever," Alice teased. I laughed.

**He was on the floor, just a foot from the TV. Must be an exciting game. "Mike got sick," I explained. "Some kind of stomach flu." "You okay?" "I feel fine now," I said doubtfully. Clearly, I'd been exposed. I leaned against the kitchen counter, my hand inches from the phone, and tried to wait patiently. I though of the strange look on Jacob's face before he drove away, and my fingers started drumming against the counter. I should have insisted on driving him home.**

"The strange look on my face was because Sam had contacted me through my head, and I thought I was going crazy," Jake said honestly. I nodded.

**I watched the clock as the minutes ticked by. Ten. Fifteen. Even when I was driving, it took only fifteen minutes, and Jacob drove faster than I did. Eighteen minutes. I picked up the phone and dialed. It rang and rang. Maybe Billy was asleep. Maybe I'd dialed wrong. I tried again.**

"Anyone ever hear of a voicemail box??" Alice teased. Jake stuck his tongue out at her.

**On the eighth ring, just as I was about to hang up, Billy answered. "Hello?" he asked. His voice was wary, like he was expecting bad news. "Billy, it's me, Bella-did Jake make it home yet? He left here about twenty minutes ago."**

"Well, he made it home. But I don't think he would have been in any state to talk to you," Sam said to me politely.

"I know that, but at that time, how would I have known?" Sam nodded, understandingly.

**"He's here," Billy said tonelessly. "He was supposed to call me." I was a little irritated. "He was getting sick when he left, and I was worried."**

"You had every reason to be worried, and I'm really, really sorry for avoiding you during the short lapse of time. I couldn't do anything about it," Jake said to me.

**"He was…too sick to call. He's not feeling well right now." Billy sounded distant. I realized he must want to be with Jacob. "Let me know if you need any help," I offered. "I could come down." I thought of Billy, stuck in his chair, and Jake fending for himself…**

Seth laughed. "I don't think you had to worry about Jake fending for himself.

**"No, no," Billy said quickly. "We're fine. Stay at your place." The way he said it was almost rude. "Okay," I agreed. The line disconnected. "Bye," I muttered. Well, at least he'd made it home. Oddly, I didn't feel less worried. I trudged up the stairs, fretting. Maybe I would go down before work tomorrow to check on him.**

"Bad move," Edward pointed out.

"What would you have done if you were in my situation?" I asked him. He went quiet.

**I could take soup-we had to have a can of Campbell's around here somewhere.**

"Well, with your father being _such a good cook_, I'm sure there was a can somewhere," Jake joked. I snorted laughing.

**I realized all such plans were canceled when I woke up early-my clock said four thirty-and sprinted to the bathroom. Charlie found me there a half hour later, lying on the floor, my cheek pressed against the cold edge on the bathtub.**

"I'm starting to wish that it was just the flu I had gotten, like you guys."

**He looked at me for a long moment. "Stomach flu," he finally said. "Yes," I moaned. "You need something?" he asked. "Call the Newtons for me, please," I instructed hoarsely. "Tell them I have what Mike has, and that I can't make it in today. Tell them I'm sorry."**

"I think they would be appreciative that you can't make it in, so that way, you don't get anyone else sick," Emily pointed out.

**"Sure, no problem," Charlie assured me. I spent the rest of the day on the bathroom floor, sleeping for a few hours with my head on a crumpled up towel. **

"Boy, that must have been _real_ cozy," Emmett laughed.

"Yeah, probably as comfortable as the couch that Bella slept on when I had Alice _kidnap_ her."

**Charlie claimed that he had to work, but I suspected that he just wanted access to a bathroom. He left a glass of water on the floor beside me to keep me hydrated. It woke me up when he came back home. I could see that it was dark in my room-after nightfall. He clumped up the stairs to check on me.**

"I wish I could have been there to take care of you," Edward pointed out.

"Yeah, but you weren't," I snapped at him. He couldn't even respond. Served him right, even if it hurt every bone in my body to say that to him.

**"Still alive?" "Sort of," I said. "Do you want anything?" "No, thanks." He hesitated, clearly out of his element. "Okay then," he said, and then he went back down to the kitchen. I heard the phone ring a few minutes later. Charlie spoke to someone in a low voice for a moment, and then hung up. "Mike feels better," he called up to me.**

"I wish I could have felt better that quickly," Jake muttered. Nessie comforted him again.

**Well, that was encouraging. He'd only gotten sick eight hours or so before me. Eight more hours. The though made my stomach turn, and I pulled myself up to lean over the toilet.**

"I wish the author wouldn't be so fricken descriptive!!" Seth shouted at the book.

**I fell asleep on the towel again, but when I woke up I was in my bed and it was light outside my window. I didn't remember moving; Charlie must have carried me to my room-he'd also put the glass of water on my bedside table. I felt parched. I chugged it down, though it tasted funny from sitting stagnant all night. I got up slowly, trying not to trigger the nausea again.**

"Yeah, I can imagine. Well, at least yours was just the flu," Jake muttered again. I looked at him apologetically. It really must have been tough for him.

**My twenty-four hours were up. I didn't push it, eating nothing but saltine crackers for breakfast. Charlie looked relieved to see me recovered.**

"YAY!! I GET TO USE THE BATHROOM IN MY OWN HOUSE!!!!" Seth shouted, imitating Charlie's voice. We all cracked up laughing.

**As soon as I was sure that I wasn't going to have to spend the day on the bathroom floor again, I called Jacob. Jacob was the one who answered it, but when I heard his greeting I knew he wasn't over it.**

"Too bad he never gets over it," Sam pointed out.

"Yeah, but sometimes it comes in handy," Nessie responded. Jake smiled at her.

"She's right. If it wasn't for me being a werewolf, I might not have ever gone for Nessie, since she was a baby when I imprinted on her."

**"Hello?" His voice was broken, cracking. "Oh, Jake," I groaned sympathetically. "You sound horrible." "I feel horrible," he whispered. "I'm so sorry I made you go out with me. This sucks." "I'm glad I went." His voice was still a whisper. "Don't blame yourself. This isn't your fault."**

"Yeah, I don't think you can blame someone else for transforming into a werewolf, can you?" Seth joked. No one responded.

**"You'll get better soon," I promised. "I woke up this morning, and I was fine.' "You were sick?" he asked dully. "Yes, I got it, too. But I'm fine now." "That's good." His voice was dead. "So you'll probably be better in a few hours," I encouraged.**

"I wish."

**I could barely hear his answer. "I don't think I have the same thing you did." "Don't you have the stomach flu?" I asked, confused. "No. This is something else." "What's wrong with you?"**

"Everything," Jake responded to the book. It went really quiet for a few seconds.

**"Everything," he whispered. "Every part of me hurts." **

As if it didn't feel quiet enough a few seconds ago, at this point, I swear you could hear a cricket chirp and a penny drop. Once Jake calmed down, we read again.

** The pain in his voice was nearly tangible. "What can I do, Jake? What can I bring you?"**

"Lots and lots and lots and lots of food," Seth teased.

"Oh and maybe some flea shampoo," Quil added.

"**Nothing. You can't come here." He was abrupt. It reminded me of Billy the other night. "I've already been exposed to whatever you have," I pointed out. He ignored me. "I'll call you when I can. I'll let you know when you can come down again." "Jacob-" "I've got to go," he said with sudden urgency. "I've got to go," he said with sudden urgency. "Call me when you feel better." "Right," he agreed, and his voice had a strange, bitter edge. He was silent for a moment. I was waiting for him to say goodbye, but he waited too. "I'll see you soon," I finally said. "Wait for me to call," he said again. "Okay…Bye, Jacob." "Bella," he whispered my name, and then hung up the phone.**

"Are you fricken serious, Jacob????" Edward asked incredulously. "It's bad enough that I left her in the first place, but after you made the same promise, you are going to desert her as well???????" Edward was practically shouting at him.

"HOLD ON A MINUTE!!!" Jake protested, shouting to be heard. "The only reason I "deserted her" was for the same reason. To "keep her safe" from our kind. I couldn't help the fact that I had just changed into a werewolf!!! You knew all along you were a vampire, and you knew that she knew, but you left anyway. I didn't know what to do at that point. Part of me thought she might have figured it out, but I couldn't take the chance. SHE KNEW ABOUT YOU AND YOU LEFT HER!!!!!!!" Jake shouted.

**K that's the chapter. What an ending. What'd you think of the screaming fit between Jake and Edward? I was trying to figure out where to put it, but then I figured it would be a good cliff hanger if I wrote it right at the end. What'd you think of me bringing in the Denalis. I had a suggestion for Zafrina, and I thought about it, but I don't know enough about her personality to make her make good points that make sense to her personality. I also did not bring any humans in because it would get too confusing, because some know about what everyone is, and others don't. So the Denalis is the last crew I am bringing in the story. One last thing welcome back monkeyman hope camp was fun. See you guys next chapter. It's the Laurent chapter next. Dun dun dun….**


	14. Chapter 14

_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, or else I would be really rich and live on Isle Esme._

_K guys, MAJOR CHAPTER!!!!!! This is the Laurent chapter. This is one of the reasons I brought the Denalis into the mix in the first place, so they could see what happened, and why the wolves killed Laurent. Enjoy! P.s. OMG I saw the third preview for new moon, and holy crap!!!!! I love it. It looks so much more accurate, but I think they showed too much spoilers for people who haven't read the books._

_**Chapter 14 (Chapter 10 The Meadow)**_

_**After it took Jasper about ten minutes to calm Jake and Edward down, we took a small break. That was a rough chapter, and from the looks of the title of the next chapter, it's going to be another tough chapter. But they need to hear it. I'm glad that Tanya and the rest of the Denalis are here. This is probably the chapter with Laurent. Now they'll understand why Laurent got killed. Anyway, now that we're relaxed, I'm gonna start to read again.**_

_**Jacob didn't call. The first time I called, Billy answered and told me that Jacob was till in bed. I got nosy, checking to make sure that Billy had taken him to a doctor. **_

"_Er, Bells. I don't think that any doctor can fix what Jake has," Embry teased. I laughed. Well, now that it was relaxed again, we can laugh about it now. Even Jake smiled a little._

_**Billy said he had, but, for some reason I couldn't nail down, I didn't really believe him. I called again, several times a day, for the next two days, but no one was ever there.**_

"_Bella, believe me. I felt horrible about letting you down like that. But I didn't have a choice." _

"_I know," I responded sympathetically._

_**Saturday, I decided to go see him, invitation be damned. But the little red house was empty. This frightened me-was Jacob so sic that he'd needed to go to the hospital? I stopped by the hospital on the way back home, but the nurse at the front desk told me neither Jacob or Billy had been in.**_

_Sam laughed. "I think that if Jake went in the hospital in his condition, the hospital might have closed down from an animal scare." We all laughed._

_**I made Charlie call Harry Clearwater as soon as he got home from work. I waited, anxiously, while Charlie chatted with his old friend; the conversation seemed to go on forever without Jacob even being mentioned. It seemed that **__**Harry**_** had been in the hospital…some kind of tests for his heart.**

Edward laughed. "I doubt that he saw Jake and Billy there."

**Charlie's forehead got all pinched together, but Harry joke with him, blowing it off, until Charlie was laughing again.**

"That probably wasn't the smart thing to do, to blow it off." I commented. The wolves agreed, while the Cullens looked confused. "Do you remember when you were on the phone with Jake, and he said Charlie was at a funeral?" I asked Edward. He nodded. "It turned out, it was Harry's funeral. He had a heart attack." It got really quiet for a few seconds.

**Only then did Charlie ask about Jacob, and now his side of the conversation didn't give me much to work with, just a lot of **_**hmms**_** and **_**yeahs**_**. I drummed my fingers against the counter beside him until he put a hand over mine to stop me. Finally, Charlie hung up the phone and turned to me. "Harry says that there's been some trouble with the phone lines, and that's why you haven't been able to get through. Billy took Jake to the doc down there, and it looks like he has mono. He's real tired, and Billy said no visitors," he reported.**

"I would have preferred mono over what I had," Jake muttered.

"**No visitors?" I demanded in disbelief. Charlie raised one eyebrow. "Now don't you go making a pest of yourself, Bells. Billy knows what's best for Jake. He'll be up and around soon enough. Be patient." I didn't push it. Charlie was too worried about Harry. That was clearly the more important issue-it wouldn't be right to bug him with my lesser concerns.**

"Yes, but you're concerns were still legitimate," Sam reassured me.

**Instead, I went straight upstairs and turned on my computer. I found a medical site online and typed "mononucleosis" into the search box. All I knew about mono was that you were supposed to get it from kissing, which was clearly not the case with Jake.**

"Yeah, unless you've been secretly kissing Bella here without her even knowing it," Quil joked.

**I read through the symptoms quickly-the fever he definitely had, but what about the rest of it? No horrible sore throat, no exhaustion, no headaches, at least not before he'd gone home from the movie; he'd said he felt "fit as a fiddle."**

"Yeah, that was until I got home," Jake commented quietly.

**Did it really come on so fast? The article made it sound like the sore stuff showed up first. I glared at the computer screen and wondered why, exactly, I was doing this. Why did I feel so…so **_**suspicious**_**, like I didn't believe Billy's story? Why would Billy lie to Harry?**

"Trust me, my dad knew the truth," Seth pointed out. "But he knew that he was not allowed to tell you or Charlie, just as Billy couldn't.

**I was being silly, probably. I was just worried, and, to be honest, I was afraid of not being allowed to see Jacob-that made me nervous. I skimmed through the rest of the article, looking for more information. I stopped when I got to the part about how mono could last more than a month.**

"Again, if only it truly was just mono. I wouldn't have minded that, next to what I am."

_**A month**_**? My mouth fell open. But Billy couldn't enforce the no-visitors thing that long. Of course not. But Billy couldn't enforce the no-visitors thing that long. Of course not. Jake would go crazy stuck in bed that long without anyone to talk to.**

"Unfortunately, it's not that he didn't have anyone to talk to. It's just, that as much as he was begging to talk to you, and trust me was, he couldn't at that time," Sam said. I nodded.

**What was Billy afraid of, anyway? The article said that the person with mono needed to avoid physical activity, but there was nothing about visitors. The disease wasn't very infectious.**

"Unless you were born into a family that had elders in the Quileute past," Seth joked. "Otherwise, it'd be pretty difficult to be "infected" with it." He put air quotes around infected.

**I'd give Billy a week, I decided, before I got pushy. A week was generous. A week was **_**long**_**. By Wednesday, I was sure I wasn't going to live till Saturday. When I'd decided to leave Billy and Jacob alone for a week, I hadn't really believed that Jacob would go along with Billy's rule.**

"It wasn't Billy's rule. It was Sam's rule. It was too dangerous," Jake pointed out.

**Every day when I got home from school, I ran to the phone to check for m****essages. There never were any. I cheated three times by trying to call him, but the phone lines still weren't working. I was in the house much too much, and much too alone. Without Jacob, and my adrenaline and my distractions, everything I'd been repressing started creeping up on me.**

"Bells, I am truly, truly sorry about what happened. If I could see you, I would have. I feel really bad."

"It's ok, Jake. I know you couldn't do anything about it. I honestly forgive you."

**The dreams got hard again.** **I could no longer see the end coming. Just the horrible nothingness-half the time in the forest, half the time in the empty fern sea where the white house no longer existed.**

"Again, it's amazing how this house doesn't exist, since we're sitting in it, looking the same as ever," Esme said with a smile. I grinned back at her.

**Sometimes Sam Uley was there in the forest, watching me again. I paid him no attention-there was no comfort in his presence; it made me feel no less alone. It didn't stop me from screaming myself awake, night after night.**

"Poor Bella," Edward said, comforting me.

**The hole in my chest was worse than ever. I'd thought that I'd been getting it under control, but I found myself hunched over, day after day, clutching my sides together and gasping for air. I wasn't handling alone well. I was relieved beyond measure the morning I woke up-screaming, of course-and remembered that it was Saturday.**

"Not that it would make a difference," Jake muttered quietly.

**Today I could call Jacob. And if the phone lines still weren't working, then I was going to La Push. One was or another, today would be better than the last lonely week.**

"_Yeah, _that didn't work out as planned, now did it?" Sam asked. I shook my head. As a matter of fact, that day turned out worse than the rest of the week.

**I dialed, and then waited without high expectations. It caught me off guard when Billy answered on the second ring. "Hello?" "Oh, hey, the phone is working again! Hi, Billy. It's Bella. I was just calling to see how Jacob is doing. Is he up for visitors yet? I was thinking about dropping by-"**

"Poor Billy. He felt just as bad about not letting you over as I did," Jake told me.

"**I'm sorry, Bella," Billy interrupted, and I wondered if he were watching TV; he sounded distracted. "He's not in." "Oh." It took me a second. "So he's feeling better then?" "Yeah," Billy hesitated for an instant too long. "Turns out it wasn't mono after all. Just some other virus."**

Jacob laughed at the thought of being a werewolf as being a virus.

"**Oh. So…where is he?" "He's giving some friends a ride up to Port Angeles-I think they were going to catch a double feature or something. He's gone for the whole day. "Well, that's a relief. I've been so worried. I'm glad he felt good enough to get out." My voice sounded horribly phony as I babbled on.**

"Yeah, you were happy until you found out _who_ I was hanging out with," Jake reminded me.

"HEY!!" Sam shouted in mock disbelief. We all laughed.

**Jacob was better, but not well enough to call me. He was out with friends. I was sitting home, missing him more every hour. I was lonely, worried, bored…perforated-and now also desolate as I realized that the week apart had now had the same effect on him. "Is there anything in particular you wanted?" Billy asked politely.**

"Not really. I just want to stalk your son until he talks to me," Quil teased. Jake hit him over the head.

"**No, not really." "Well, I'll tell him that you called," Billy promised. "Bye, Bella." "Bye," I replied, but he'd already hung up. **

"Ay, pobrecito," Carmen said sympathetically. I looked at Edward for translation.

"Pobrecito means poor little thing in Spanish," he told me. I smiled at Carmen.

**I stood for a moment with the phone still in my hand. Jacob must have changed his mind, just like I'd feared. He was going to take my advice and not waste any more time on someone who couldn't return his feelings. I felt the blood run out of my face.**

"Bella, you know me. You know I never would do that," Jake said to me.

"I know that now, but how was I supposed to think at that point and time?" I responded. He nodded.

"**Something wrong?" Charlie asked as he came down the stairs. "No," I lied, hanging up the phone. "Billy says Jacob is feeling better. It wasn't mono. So that's good." "Is he coming here, or are you going there?" Charlie asked absentmindedly as he started poking through the fridge.**

"I wish," I commented quietly.

"**Neither," I admitted. "He's going out with some other friends." The tone in my voice finally caught Charlie's attention. He looked up at me with sudden alarm, his hands frozen around a package of cheese slices. "Isn't it a little early for lunch?" I asked as lightly as I could manage, trying to distract him.**

Edward laughed. "I could have said you were distracting him before it was written in the book," he commented between laughs.

"**No, I'm just packing something to take out to the river…" "Oh, fishing today?" "Well, Harry called…and it's not raining." He was creating a stack of food on the counter as he spoke. Suddenly he looked up again as if he'd just realized something. "Say, did you want me to stay with you, since Jake's out?"**

"Somehow, I don't think that's going to cheer her up," Garrett laughed. "I know if I was Charlie, I sure as heck wouldn't want to give up a fishing trip."

"Yeah, but dear. You love any adventure, no matter how big or small," Kate pointed out. We all laughed.

"**That's okay, Dad," I said, working to sound indifferent. "The fish bite better when the weather's nice." He stared at me, indecision clear on his face. I knew that he was worrying, afraid to leave me alone, in case I got "mopey" again. "Seriously, Dad. I think I'll call Jessica," I fibbed quickly.**

"Not likely," Jasper laughed.

**I'd rather be alone than have him watching me all day. "We have a Calculus test to study for. I could use her help." That part was true. But I'd have to make do without it. "That's a great idea. You've been spending so much time with Jacob, you other friends are going to think they've forgotten them."**

"Trust me, Jessica would be more than pleased if I had completely forgotten her," I laughed.

**I smiled and nodded as if I cared what my other friends thought. Charlie started to turn, but then spun back with a worried expression. "Hey, you'll study here or at Jess's, right?"**

"No, we decided to study at Edward's old place, just to frustrate you," Embry joked.

"Oh, ha," I said sarcastically.

"**Sure, where else??" "Well, it's just that I want you to be careful to stay out of the woods, like I told you before." **

"Well, that didn't work out too well did it?" Sam commented.

**It took me a minute to understand, distracted as I was. "More bear trouble?" **

"Those darn bears," Emily said with a smirk on her face. We all laughed.

**Charlie nodded, frowning. "We've got a missing hiker-the rangers found his camp early this morning, but no sign of him. There were some really big animal prints…of course those could have come later, smelling the food…Anyway, they're setting traps for it now."**

"Well, do you really think that traps are going to work on us?" Quil asked proudly. I chuckled a little.

"**Oh," I said vaguely. I wasn't really listening to his warnings; I was much more upset by the situation with Jacob than by the possibility of being eaten by a bear. I was glad that Charlie was in a hurry. He didn't wait for me to call Jessica, so I didn't have to put on that charade.**

"That would have been interesting," Alice laughed.

**I went through the motions of gathering my schoolbooks on the kitchen table to pack them in my bag; that was probably too much, and if he hadn't been eager to hit the holes, it might have made him suspicious. I was so busy looking busy that the ferociously empty day ahead didn't really crash down on me until after I'd watched him drive away.**

"Yeah, I learned soon after that boredom does not always lead to good things," I said glumly.

**It only took about two minutes of staring at the silent kitchen phone to decide that I wasn't staying home today. I wasn't going to call Jessica. As far as I could tell, Jessica had crossed over to the dark side.**

Emmett started singing the Darth Vader tune out loud, so I had to stop because I was staring at him in disbelief.

"What? You said that she crossed over to the dark side," Emmett said standing up for himself. We all burst out laughing.

**I could drive to La Push and get my motorcycle-an appealing thought but for one minor problem: who was going to drive me to the emergency room if I needed it afterward? Or…I already had our map and compass in the truck. I was pretty sure I understood the process well enough by now that I wouldn't get lost.**

"Bad move," Edward muttered under his breath.

**Maybe I could eliminate two lines today, putting us ahead of schedule for whenever Jacob decided to honor me with his presence again. I refused to think about how long that might be. Or if it was going to be never.**

"Well, like Edward, of course it wouldn't be never," Jake said with a smile. I smiled back at him.

**I felt a brief twinge of guilt as I realized how Charlie would feel about this, but I ignored it. I just couldn't stay in the house again today. A few minutes later I was on the familiar dirt road that let to nowhere in particular. I had the windows rolled down and I drove as fast as was healthy for my truck.**

"Which mind you, isn't very fast," Emmett teased. I stuck my tongue out at him.

**Trying to enjoy the wind against my face. It was cloudy, but almost dry-a very nice day, for Forks. Getting started took me longer than it would have taken Jacob. After I parked in the usual spot, I had to spend a good fifteen minutes studying the little needle on the compass face and the markings on the now worn map. When I was reasonably certain that I was following the right line of the web, I set off into the woods.**

"There is nothing good that can come out of this," Edward commented. Little did he know how right he was.

**The forest was full of life today,**** all the little creatures enjoying the momentary dryness. Somehow, though, even with the birds chirping and cawing, the insects buzzing noisily around my head.**

All of a sudden, Emmett started swatting around my head.

"Er, Emmett? What are you doing?" Edward asked incredulously.

"You said that the insects are buzzing around your head. I'm shooing them away." Edward laughed really hard.

**And the occasional scurry of the field mice through the shrubs, the forest seemed creepier today; it reminded me of my most recent nightmare. I knew it was just because I was alone, missing Jacob's carefree whistle and the sound of another pair of feet squishing across the damp ground.**

"Yeah, maybe if you waited for him to come around again, you might not have gotten yourself into the trouble that you did," Alice frowned.

**The sense of unease grew stronger the deeper I got into the trees. Breathing started to get more difficult-not because of exertion, but because I was having trouble with the stupid hole in my chest again. I kept my arms tight around my torso and tried to banish the ache from my thoughts. I almost turned around, but I hated to waste the effort I'd already expended.**

I took a deep breath, and right now, I would probably cry if I could. But I knew that by the end of the chapter, I wouldn't be the only one close to tears. Although I wonder that if we ever cried, would we cry blood like Bill or Eric? (for all you true blood fans)

**The rhythm of my footsteps started to numb my mind and my pain as I trudged on. My breathing evened out eventually, and I was glad I hadn't quit. I was getting better at this bushwhacking thing; I could tell I was faster. I didn't realize quite how much more efficiently I was moving. I thought I'd covered maybe four miles, and I wasn't even starting to look around for it yet. And then, with an abruptness that disorientated me, I stepped through a low arch made by two vine maples-pushing past the chest-high ferns-into the meadow.**

It got really quiet in the room. "Can you excuse me a moment?" I asked them. I got up and left the room for a few minutes. I wasn't sure who this would be harder on, me or the Denalis, but I started feeling the same kind of pain I did when I read a couple chapters ago with Edward leaving. Edward walked in.

"Bella, you ok?" I shook my head.

"This is going to be really difficult to read, especially with Tanya and her family here. I don't know if I can do this," I sobbed with tearless cries. He nodded quietly and sat next to me to rub my back for a few minutes. After I calmed down, we went back in the room.

**It was the same place, of that I was instantly sure. I'd never seen another clearing so symmetrical. It was as perfectly round as if someone had intentionally created the flawless circle, tearing out the trees but leaving no evidence that violence in the waving grass. To the east, I could hear the stream bubbling quietly. The place wasn't nearly so stunning without the sunlight, but it was still very beautiful and serene.**

"It's not the same without my sparkling vampire in the sunlight there either," I said with a grin on my face. Edward laughed.

**It was the wrong season for wildflowers; the ground was thick with tall grass that swayed in the light breeze like ripples across a lake. It was the same place…but it didn't hold what I was searching for.**

"You could say that again," Jake glumly said.

**The disappointment was nearly as instantaneous as the recognition. I sank down right where I was, kneeling there at the edge of the clearing, beginning to gasp. What was the point of going any farther? Nothing lingered here.**

"Unfortunately," I muttered quietly.

**Nothing more than the memories that I could have called back whenever I wanted to, if I was ever willing to endure the corresponding pain-the pain that had me now, had me cold. There was nothing special about this place without **_**him**_**.**

"So maybe you should start to hallucinate again," Emmett said without thinking about it. It went really silent for a few moments.

**I wasn't exactly sure what I'd hoped to feel here, but the meadow was empty of atmosphere, empty of everything, just like everywhere else. Just like my nightmares. My head swirled dizzily. At least I'd come alone. I felt a rush of thankfulness as I realized that. If I'd discovered the meadow with Jacob…well, there was no way I could have disguised the abyss I was plunging into now.**

"If you had discovered it with me, you probably wouldn't have been so close to getting yourself killed for once," Jake said, half joking, half serious. I smiled slightly at him.

**How could I have explained the way I was fracturing into pieces, the way I had to curl into a ball to keep the empty hole from tearing apart? It was so much better that I didn't have an audience. And I wouldn't have to explain to anyone why I was in such a hurry to leave, either.**

I knew I was about to cry, and truly wished that I could at that point. (I knew she would have cried if she could because I'm crying wahh)

**Jacob would have assumed, after going to so much trouble to locate the stupid place, I would want to spend more than a few seconds here.**

Jacob laughed, "That's probably true."

**But I was already trying to find the strength to get to my feet again, forcing myself out of the ball so that I could escape. There was too much pain in this empty place to bear-I would crawl away if I had to. How lucky I was alone!**

_Not quite_, I thought to myself

_**Alone**_**. I repeated the word with grim satisfaction as I wrenched myself to my feet despite the pain. At precisely that moment, a figure stepped out from the trees to the north, some thirty paces away. A dizzying array of emotions shot through me in a second. The first was surprise; I was far from any trail here, and I didn't expect company.**

"Too bad it's not company that you would exactly want," Emily said quietly. I nodded slowly.

**Then, as my eyes focused on the motionless figure, seeing the utter stillness, the pallid skin, a rush of piercing hope rocked through me.**

Edward froze in shock. Clearly he just read someone's mind, and knows who the unwanted visitor is. I looked really upset.

**I suppressed it viciously, fighting against the equally sharp lash of agony as my eyes continued to the face beneath black hair, the face that wasn't the one I wanted to see. Next was fear, this was not the face I grieved for, but it was close enough for me to know that the man facing me was no stray hiker. And finally, in the end, recognition. "Laurent!" I cried in surprised pleasure.**

The room went deadly silent. I looked around to the Denalis, who were in serious shock. Carmen and Eleazer were holding each other. Kate was holding tight to Garrett, while Alice walked over to comfort Tanya. It was a rough scene to watch. I knew at that point that we needed to take a break before we continued.

After a short break, we sat back down. I knew we would have to read this at some point.

**It was an irrational response. I probably should have stopped at fear. Laurent had been one of James's coven when we'd first met. He hadn't been involved with the hunt that followed-the hunt where I was the quarry-but that was only because he was afraid.**

"Yeah, honestly, you really should have stopped at fear, Bella," Jake said.

**I was protected by a bigger coven than his own. It would have been different if that wasn't the case-he'd had no compunctions, at the time, against making a meal of me. Of course, he must have changed, because he'd gone to Alaska to live with the other civilized coven there, the other family that refused to drink human blood for ethical reasons.**

"Do you mean the dear, lovely, sweet, wonderful Denalis?" Tanya asked with a grin. We laughed.

**The other family like…but I couldn't let myself think the name. yes, fear would have made more sense, but all I felt was an overwhelming satisfaction. The meadow was a magic place again. A darker magic than I'd expected, to be sure, but magic all the same. Here was the connection I'd sought. The proof, however remote, that-somewhere in the same world where I lived-**_**he **_**did exist.**

"Well, clearly I exist, or else we wouldn't be married and have a child right now," Edward said with a grin on his face.

**It was impossible how exactly the same Laurent looked.**

"Bella, honey. Laurent is a vampire. What did you expect??" Alice asked incredulously. I shrugged.

**I suppose it was very silly and human to expect some kind of change in the last year. But there was something….I couldn't quite put my finger on it. "Bella?" he asked, looking more astonished than I felt. "You remember." I smiled. It was ridiculous that I should be so elated because a vampire knew my name.**

"Although, now that I look at it, it's easy to remember names with all that room to think," I commented.

**He grinned. "I didn't expect to see you here." He strolled toward me, his expression bemused. "Isn't it the other way around? I do live here. I thought you'd gone to Alaska."**

"Well, yes, until the idiot betrayed our family and Irina. Poor Irina," Carmen said thoughtfully. "If only she had known the reason why it happened, then she would have been with us when we came to see you and would have never gone to the Volturi, and therefore would have never gotten herself killed," she continued through tearless eyes. It was silent for a few moments.

**He stopped about ten paces away, cocking his head to the side. His face was the most beautiful face I'd seen in what felt like an eternity. I studied his features with a strangely greedy sense of release. Here was someone I didn't have to pretend for-someone who already knew everything I could never say. "You're right," he agreed. "I did go to Alaska. Still, I didn't expect…when I found the Cullen place empty, I thought they'd moved on."**

"Oh, they did move on. Without her…" Jake said with a vengeance in his voice.

"**Oh." I bit my lip as the name set the raw edges of my wound throbbing. It took me a second to compose myself. Laurent waited with curious eyes. "They did move on," I finally managed to tell him.**

"Probably not the smartest thing to tell a recently vegetarian vampire, Bella," Alice said in a worried voice.

"**Hmm," he murmured. 'I'm surprised they left you behind. Weren't you sort of a pet of theirs?"**

Edward got up on his feet immediately. "She is not some pet of ours!!!! She is the love of my life!"

**His eyes were innocent of any intended offense. I smiled wryly. "Something like that." "Hmm," he said, thoughtful again. At that precise moment, I realized why he looked the same-**_**too much**_** the same. After Carlisle told us that Laurent had stayed with Tanya's family, I'd begun to picture him, on the rare occasions that I thought of him at all, with the same golden eyes that the…Cullens-I forced the name out, wincing-had. That all **_**good **_**vampires had**

"Yeah, that should have been the sign to run, Bella. A vampire with red eyes out in the woods, bad person to be around," Alice pointed out to me.

**I took an involuntary step back, and his curious, dark red eyes followed the movement. "Do they visit often?" he asked, still casual, but his weight shifted toward me. "Lie," the beautiful velvet voice whispered anxiously from my memory.**

"I don't know if I would have told you to lie in this situation. I probably would have told you to run, run, run!!!" Jake commented.

**I stared at the sound of **_**his**_** voice, but it should not have surprised me. Was I not in the worst danger imaginable? The motorcycle was safe as kittens next to this. I did what the voice said to do. "Now and again."**

_I wish_, I thought to myself quietly. I focused to let Edward in my mind. He heard me and looked down in his lap in shame.

**I tried to make my voice light, relaxed. "The time seems longer to me, I imagine. You know how they get distracted…" I was beginning to babble. I had to work to shut myself up. "Hmm," he said again. "The house smelled like it had been vacant for a while…"**

_That's an understatement, _I thought to myself again.

"**You must lie better than that, Bella," the voice urged. I tried. "I'll have to mention to Carlisle that you stopped by. He'll be sorry they missed your visit." I pretended to deliberate for a second. "But I probably shouldn't mention it to Edward, I supposed-"**

"Too late for that," I muttered quietly.

**I barely managed to say his name, and it twisted my expression on the way out, ruining by bluff "-he has such a temper…well, I'm sure you remember.**

"Jeez Bella, thanks," Edward mocked. I smiled slightly at him. It was hard to smile while reading this part.

"**He's still touchy about the whole James thing." I rolled my eyes and waved one hand dismissively, like it was all ancient history, but there was an edge of hysteria to my voice. I wondered if he would recognize what it was.**

"Bella, I really wish at times like these, that you could lie a little better," Edward said with a frown on his face.

"**Is he really?" Laurent asked pleasantly…skeptically. I kept my reply short, so that my voice wouldn't betray my panic. "Mm-hmm." Laurent took a casual step to the side, gazing around at the little meadow. I didn't miss that the step brought him closer to me.**

I stopped because I saw Edward bringing his hands into fists in his lap. I smiled at him slightly, hoping it would calm him down, since I knew that if he couldn't handle this, I don't know if he could get through the rest of the chapter. After he relaxed, thanks to Jasper, I started again.

**In my head, the voice responded with a low snarl. "So how are things working out in Denali? Carlisle said you were staying with Tanya?" My voice was too high. The question made him pause. "I like Tanya very much," he mused.**

"We do too," Alice said grinning at her. Tanya responded with a smile back.

"**And her sister Irina even more…I've never stayed in one place for so long before, and I enjoy the advantages, the novelty of it. But, the restrictions are difficult…I'm surprised that any of them can keep it up for long."**

"Years of practice," Carlisle and Eleazer said at the same time.

**He smiled at me conspiratorially. "Sometimes I cheat."**

"Ugh, I'm so pissed off now that we even took him in the first place. Bella, I'm so sorry. If we knew that when he was going out to hunt, he cheated on purpose sometimes, we would have made sure that one of us would go with him each time, just like Edward said he did with you at the beginning," Tanya said to me. All I could do was nod.

**I couldn't swallow. My foot started to ease back, but I froze when his red eyes flickered down to catch the movement. "Oh," I said in a faint voice. "Jasper has problems with that, too." **

"Yes, but I don't cheat. At least I try my hardest to be able to control myself."

"**Don't move," the voice whispered. I tried to do what he instructed. It was hard; the instinct to take flight was nearly uncontrollable.**

"Yes but Bella, think about it. He's a vampire. As long as you were human, he would always be faster than you. You wouldn't have made it. And honestly, I don't know what I would have done if you really had died, from Laurent, cliff diving, or because of the Volturi. That's why I went to the Volturi in the first place"

"**Really?" Laurent seemed interested. "Is that why they left?" "No," I answered honestly. "Jasper is more careful at home." "Yes," Laurent agreed. "I am, too. The step forward he took now was quite deliberate. "Did Victoria ever find you?" I asked, breathless, desperate to distract him.**

Edward scoffed angrily. "Very bad distraction, Bella."

**It was the first question that popped into my head, and I regretted it as soon as the words were spoken. Victoria-who **_**had**_** hunted me with James, and then disappeared-was not someone I wanted to think of at this particular moment. "Yes," he said, hesitating on that step. "I actually came here as a favor to her."**

"Yeah, that's the point where you should have run, Bella," Jake said in a frustrated voice.

**He made a face. "She won't be happy about this." "About what?" I asked eagerly, inviting him to continue. He was glaring into the trees, away from me. I took advantage of his diversion, taking a furtive step back. "About me killing you," he answered in a seductive purr.**

There was a large gasp from the Denali family. I took a deep breath and began again.

**I staggered back another step. The frantic growling in my head made it hard to hear. "She wanted to save that part for herself," he went on blithely. "She's sort of…put out with you, Bella." "Me?" I squeaked. He shook his head and chuckled. "I know, it seems a little backward to me, too. But James was her mate, and your Edward killed him."**

"I still don't understand why she wanted to kill you though, not Edward," Kate said with a hint of curiosity and confusion.

"It was kind of like, mate for mate," I said glumly. She nodded slowly.

**Laurent was oblivious to my reaction. "She thought it more appropriate to kill you than Edward-fair turnabout, mate for mate. She asked me to get the lay of the land for her, so to speak. I didn't imagine you would be so easy to get to. So maybe her plan was flawed-apparently it wouldn't be the revenge she imagined, since you must not mean very much to him if he left you here unprotected."**

"Oh trust me. She got the revenge," Edward growled.

"Too bad that plan backfired as well," Seth said with a smile. Jake growled. Clearly, he never got over the fact that Seth kicked ass in the newborn battle and Jake missed out on most of it.

**Another blow, another tear through my chest. Laurent's weight shifted slightly, and I stumbled another step back. He frowned. "I suppose she'll be angry, all the same." "Then why not wait for her?" I choked out. A mischievous grin rearranged his features. "Well, you've caught me at a bad time, Bella. I didn't come to **_**this**_** place on Victoria's mission-I was hunting. I'm quite thirsty, and you do smell…simply mouthwatering."**

I stopped to take a breath. Wow, holy shit. This is tough to read. I still can't believe that he would betray Tanya's family like that. I don't understand what he was thinking. I felt a wave of calm rush over. Jasper must have sensed my discomfort.

**Laurent looked at me with approval, as if meant it as a compliment. "Threaten him," the beautiful delusion ordered, his voice distorted with dread. "He'll know it was you," I whispered obediently. "You won't get away with this."**

"You're absolutely right," Sam said with a sly grin. "He doesn't get away with it, because we're too fast for him."

"**And why not?" Laurent's smile widened. He gazed around the small opening in the trees. "The scent will wash away with the next rain. No one will find your body-you'll simply go missing, like so many, many other humans. There's no reason for Edward to think of me, if he cares enough to investigate.**

"Yeah, maybe if the idiot wasn't so stupid as to tune out anything to do with Bella, he would have been there from the moment that Laurent said mouthwatering!!!" Alice shouted at Edward. Edward slinked down in his seat. Déjà vu!

"**This is nothing personal, let me assure you, Bella. Just thirst. "Beg," my hallucination begged. "Please," I gasped. Laurent shook his head, his face kind. "Look at it this way, Bella. You're very lucky I was the one to find you."**

"And you're even luckier that we found you as well," Sam responded to the book.

"**Am I?" I mouthed, faltering another step back. Laurent followed, lithe and graceful. "Yes," he assured me. "I'll be very quick. You won't feel a thing. I promise. Oh, I'll lie to Victoria about that later, naturally, just to placate her. But if you knew what she had planned for you, Bella…"**

I heard a massive growl coming from next to me. Edward had his fists so tight, and his eyes were fixated on the book in anger. I could hear a slight growl from everyone in the room. It was a rough scene.

**He shook his head with a slow movement, almost as if in disgust. "I swear you'd be thanking me for this."**

"Actually, I can thank you. Because if it wasn't for you, I might not have ever seen Jake again or known about the wolves. So thank you." Quil, Embry, and Seth snickered a little.

**I stared at him in horror. He sniffed at the breeze that blew threads of my hair in his direction. "Mouthwatering," he repeated, inhaling deeply. I tensed for the spring, my eyes squinting as I cringed away, and the sound of Edward's furious roar echoed distantly in the back of my head.**

Wow, déjà vu, I thought to myself as I heard him growling next to me as well.

**His name burst through all the walls I'd built to contain it. **_**Edward, Edward, Edward**_**. I was going to die. It shouldn't matter if I thought of him now. **_**Edward, I love you**_**.**

"Wow," Alice said incredulously. I looked at her confused. "I had a vision of you saying that, but at the time, I thought it was just you being depressed, missing Edward. If I had known, I would have told him." I nodded silently.

**Through my narrow eyes, I watched as Laurent paused in the act of inhaling and whipped his head abruptly to the left. I was afraid to look away from him, to follow his glance, though he hardly needed a distraction or any other trick to overpower me. I was too amazed to feel relief when he started slowly backing away from me.**

I saw Sam smile a huge grin of excitement.

"**I don't believe it," he said, his voice was so low that I could barely hear it. I had to look then. My eyes scanned the meadow, searching for the interruption that had extended my life by a few seconds. At first I saw nothing, and my gaze flickered back to Laurent. He was retreating more quickly now, his eyes boring into the forest.**

"K hold on guys," Eleazer said all of a sudden. "I know that we want to hear what happens next, but I have to get this off my chest for my family's sake. Speaking for all of us, we are _truly_ sorry for getting so angry about Laurent's death, and avoiding helping you defeat Victoria. Now we all see why the wolves did what they did, and I feel really bad for avoiding you guys for that short lapse." Carlisle nodded, and then Sam nodded. I was glad to hear this.

**Then I saw it; a huge black shape eased out of the trees, quiet as a shadow, and stalked deliberately toward the vampire. It was enormous-as tall as a horse, but thicker, much more muscular. The long muzzle grimaced, revealing a line of dagger-like incisors. A grisly snarl rolled out from between the teeth, rumbling across the clearing like a prolonged crack of thunder.**

"Hmm, I wonder what that could be," Jake said with a grin.

**The bear. Only, it wasn't a bear at all. Still, this gigantic black monster had to be the creature causing all the alarm. From a distance, anyone would assume it was a bear. What else could be so vast, so powerfully built?**

Emmett got up and started showing off his muscles. Embry started whistling, joking around. We were all laughing our heads off.

**I wished I were lucky enough to see it from a distance. Instead, it padded silently through the grass a mere ten feet from where I stood. "Don't move an inch," Edward's voice whispered. I stared at the monstrous creature, my mind boggling as I tried to put a name to it.**

"Sam, my name is Sam," Sam said with a grin. I laughed.

**There was a distinctly canine cast to the shape of it, the way it moved.**

"Woof," Quil joked.

**I could only think of one possibility, locked in horror as I was. Yet I'd never imagined that a wolf could get so **_**big.**_** Another growl rumbled in its throat, and I shuddered away from the sound. Laurent was backing toward the edge of the trees, and, under the freezing terror, confusion swept through me.**

Edward chuckled. "That must have been an interesting sight to see. The Vampire backing away from the animal, not something you see every day."

**Granted, the wolf was monstrous in size, but it was just an animal. What reason would a vampire have for fearing an animal? And Laurent **_**was**_** afraid. His eyes were wide with horror, just like mine.**

"Oh, trust me, he had every right to be afraid. I wasn't about to allow any vampire to destroy a human," Sam said.

**As if in answer to my question, suddenly the mammoth wolf was not alone. Flanking it on either side, another two gigantic beasts prowled silently into the meadow. One was a deep gray, the other brown, neither one quite as tall as the first. The gray wolf came through the trees only a few feet from me, its eyes locked on Laurent.**

"Man, I wish I could have been there. I would have kicked his ass," Seth said, punching his left fist into the inside of his right hand.

**Before I could even react, two more wolves followed, lined up in a V, like geese flying south. Which meant that the rusty brown monster that shrugged through the brush last was close enough for me to touch.**

Jake laughed. "I wouldn't have minded that." Edward let a small growl escape.

**I gave an involuntary gasp and jumped back-which was the stupidest thing I could have done. I froze again, waiting for the wolves to turn on me, the much weaker of the available prey.**

"Bella, you didn't have to know that we were werewolves to know that wolves in general do not hunt humans. Even normal wolves are known to protect humans, not harm them," Sam told me.

**I wished briefly that Laurent would get on with it and crush the wolf pack-it should be so simple for him. I guessed that, between the two choices before me, being eaten by wolves was almost certainly the worse option.**

"Probably not," Edward laughed.

**The wolf closest to me, the reddish brown one, turned its head slightly at the sound of my gasp. The wolf's eyes were dark, nearly black. It gazed at me for a fraction of a second, the deep eyes seeming too intelligent for a wild animal.**

"Thank you," Jake teased. I laughed.

**As it stared at me, I suddenly thought of Jacob-again, with gratitude. At least I'd come here alone, to this fairy tale meadow filled with dark monsters. At least Jacob wasn't going to die, too. At least I wouldn't have his death on my hands.**

Emily giggled. "Isn't it ironic that Jake in fact is there, standing right next to you?" I laughed.

**Then another low growl from the leader caused the russet wolf to whip his head around, back toward Laurent. Laurent was staring at the pack of monster wolves with unconcealed shock and fear. The first I could understand. But I was stunned when, without warning, he spun and disappeared into the trees. **_**He ran away**_**.**

"I doubt he got very far though," Edward said with a grin. Sam grinned back.

**The wolves were after him in a second, sprinting across the open grass with a few powerful bounds, snarling and snapping so loudly that my hands flew up instinctively to cover my ears. The sound faded with surprising swiftness once they disappeared into the woods. And then I was alone again.**

"Please just tell me that no one else comes and surprises you, in this chapter at least. Please just reassure me that. This is torture for me to see you in these conditions, witnessing what you are witnessing."

**My knees buckled under me, and I fell onto my hands, sobs building in my throat. I knew I needed to leave, and leave now. How long would the wolves chase Laurent before they doubled back for me?**

"Never," Sam commented.

**Or would Laurent turn on them? Would he be the one that came looking? I couldn't move at first, though; my arms and legs were shaking, and I didn't know how to get back to my feet.**

"Bella, on behalf of the wolves, I am truly sorry you had to see that. But we knew that if we hadn't come, you wouldn't have survived," Sam told me. I nodded.

**My mind couldn't move past the fear, the horror or the confusion. I didn't understand what I'd just witnessed. A vampire should not have run from overgrown dogs like that. What good would their teeth be against his granite skin?**

"Werewolves are the only ones who have teeth that can rip through the granite skin. That's why _most_ vampires are terrified of us."

**And the wolves should have given Laurent a wide berth. Even if their extraordinary size had taught them to fear nothing, it still made no sense that they would pursue him. I doubted his icy marble skin would smell anything like food.**

"YUCK! That's an understatement. No, he smelled like rotten garbage," Jake complained.

**Why would they pass up something warm-blooded and weak like me to chase after Laurent?**

"Great, so she wants to get eaten now," Rose muttered.

**I couldn't make it add up. A cold breeze whipped through the meadow, swaying the grass like something was moving through it. I scrambled to my feet, backing away even though the wind brushed harmlessly past me. Stumbling in panic, I turned and ran headlong into the trees. The next few hours were agony. It took me three times as long to escape the trees as it had to get to the meadow.**

"Don't you wish you had an explorer like me with you at the time?" Garrett said with a grin. I laughed.

**At first I paid no attention to where I was headed, focused only on what I was running from. By the time I collected myself enough to remember the compass, I was deep in the unfamiliar and menacing forest.**

"Another reason why you should never step foot in the forest alone," Edward muttered.

**My hands were shaking so violently that I had to set the compass on the muddy ground to be able to read it. Every few minutes I would stop to put the compass down and check that I was still heading northwest, hearing-when the sounds weren't hidden behind the frantic squelching of my footsteps-the quiet whisper of unseen things moving in the leaves. The call of a jaybird made me leap back and fall into a thick stand of young spruce, scraping up my arms and tangling my hair with sap.**

"Good old clumsy Bella strikes again," Emmett said with a smile on his face.

**The sudden rush of a squirrel up a hemlock made me scream so loud it hurt my own ears.**

"Jeez Bella. Who would have thought that you would be scared of a squirrel," Jasper laughed.

**At last there was a break in the trees ahead. I came out onto the empty road a mile or so south of where I'd left the truck. Exhausted as I was, I jogged up the lane until I found it. By the time I pulled myself into the cab, I was sobbing again. I fiercely shoved down both stiff locks before I dug my keys out of my pocket. The roar of the engine was comforting and sane. It helped me control the tears as I sped as fast as my truck would allow toward the main highway.**

"Wow, Bella is pushing her truck to the limit. That's something you don't see very often, is it?" Alice joked.

**I was calmer, but still a mess when I got home. **

"My poor Bella, I wish we could have been there for you," Esme said sympathetically.

**Charlie's cruiser was in the driveway-I hadn't realized how late it was. The sky was already dusky. "Bella?" Charlie asked when I slammed the front door behind me and hastily turned the locks.**

"Well, now that I look at it now, that doesn't do much, since the night Jake revealed what he was, he crawled through the window," I said thoughtfully.

"**Yeah, it's me." My voice was unsteady. "Where have you been?" he thundered, appearing through the kitchen doorway with an ominous expression.**

"Wow, overprotective much?" Rose said sarcastically.

**I hesitated. He'd probably called the Stanleys. I'd better stick to the truth. "I was hiking," I admitted. His eyes were tight. "What happened to going to Jesssica's?" "I didn't feel like Calculus today."**

"Right, like Charlie of all people is going to believe that excuse," Edward chuckled.

**Charlie folded his arms across his chest. "I thought I asked you to stay out of the forest." "Yeah, I know. Don't worry, I won't do it again." I shuddered.**

"Yeah, trust me, you can believe her on that note," Jake pointed out.

**Charlie seemed to really look at me for the first time. I remembered that I had spent some time on the forest floor today; I must be a mess. "What happened?" Charlie demanded. Again, I decided that the truth, or part of it anyway, was the best option.**

Edward scoffed, "Right, because that's going to make him any less angry."

**I was too shaken to pretend that I'd spent an uneventful day with the flora and fauna. "I saw the bear." I tried to say it calmly, but my voice was high and shaky. "It's not a bear, though-it's some kind of wolf. And there are five of them. A big black one, and gray, and reddish-brown…" Charlie's eyes grew round with horror.**

"I guess that's what I get for telling him the truth," I said, slightly laughing.

**He strode quickly to me and grabbed the tops of my arms. "Are you okay?" My head bobbed in a weak nod. "Tell me what happened." "they didn't pay any attention to me. But after they were gone, I ran away and I fell down a lot."**

Emmett laughed. "I'm sure you did.

**He let go of my shoulders and wrapped his arms around me. For a long moment, he didn't say anything. "Wolves," he murmured. "What?" "The rangers said the tracks were wrong for a bear-but wolves just don't get that big…"**

"Apparently they do," Emily laughed.

**These were **_**huge**_**." "How many did you say you saw?" "Five." Charlie shook his head, frowning with anxiety. He finally spoke in a tone that allowed no argument. "no more hiking."**

"I don't think Bella would have any problems with that," Edward chuckled.

"**No problem," I promised fervently. Charlie called the station to report what I'd seen. I fudged a little bit about where exactly I'd seen the wolves-claiming I'd been on the trail that led to the north. I didn't want my dad to know how deep I'd gone into the forest against his wishes, and, more importantly, I didn't want anyone wandering near where Laurent might be searching for me. The thought of it made me sick.**

"I don't think you have to worry about that anymore, since we took care of him," Seth said proudly.

"**Are you hungry?" he asked me when he hung up the phone. I shook my head, though I must have been starving. I hadn't eaten all day. "Just tired," I told him. I turned for the stairs. "Hey," Charlie said, his voice suddenly suspicious again. "Didn't you say Jacob was gone for the day?" "That's what Billy said," I told him, confused by his question.**

"Uh oh," Jake muttered.

**He studied my expression for a minute, and seemed satisfied with what he saw there. "Huh." "Why?" I demanded. It sounded like he was implying that I'd been lying to him this morning. About something besides studying with Jessica.**

Edward laughed. "Right, because she's going to do _that_ with him."

"**Well, it's just that when I went to pick up Harry, I saw Jacob out in front of the store down there with some of his friends. I waved hi, but he…well, I guess I don't know if he saw me. I think maybe he was arguing with his friends. He looked strange, like he was upset about something. And…different. It's like you can watch that kid growing! He gets bigger every time I see him."**

"I feel bad. But I was so distracted at that time, that I was afraid of attacking him if I went to say hello. I didn't know what to expect, being still new to the wolf thing."

"**Billy said Jake and his friends were going up to Port Angeles to see some movies. They were probably just waiting for someone to meet them." **

"Too bad it wasn't me," I muttered quietly.

"**Oh." Charlie nodded and headed for the kitchen. I stood in the hall, thinking about Jacob arguing with his friends. I wondered if he had confronted Embry about the situation with Sam. **

"No, it was more like _I_ was yelling at Jake for the same reason was Jake was originally pissed at Embry," Quil said.

**Maybe that was the reason he'd ditched me today-if it meant he could sort things out with Embry, I was glad he had. I paused to check the locks again before I went to my room. It was a silly thing to do. What difference would a lock make to any of the monsters I'd seen this afternoon?**

"We are not monsters!" Seth shouted, sounding offended. I shrugged it off.

**I assumed the handle alone would stymie the wolves, not having opposable thumbs. And if Laurent came here… Or…**_**Victoria**_**.**

I paused because I saw Edward shudder.

**I lay on my bed, but I was shaking too hard to hope for sleep. I curled into a cramped ball under my quilt and faced horrifying facts. There was nothing I could do. There were no precautions I could take. There was no place I could hide. There was no one who could help me.**

I felt a silence in the room. I looked up to see all eyes on me, looking sympathetic. I tried desperately to smile to let them know I was ok, but I couldn't.

**I realized, with a nauseous roll of my stomach, that the situation was worse than even that. Because all those facts applied to Charlie, too. My father, sleeping one room away from me, was just a hairsbreadth off the heart of the target that was centered on me. My scent would lead them here, whether I was here or not.**

"Thank goodness when that did happen, I or Edward was always nearby to protect you," Jake pointed out. This time, I did smile.

**The tremors rocked me until my teeth chattered. To calm myself, I fantasized the impossible: I imagined the big wolves catching up to Laurent in the woods and massacring the indestructible immortal the way they would any normal person.**

Jake laughed. "Not so impossible, was it Sam?" Sam laughed and shook his head no.

**Despite the absurdity of such a vision, the idea comforted me. If the wolves got him, then he couldn't tell Victoria I was here all alone. If he didn't return, maybe she'd think the Cullens were still protecting me. If only the wolves could win such a fight… My good vampires were never coming back; how soothing it was to imagine that the **_**other**_** kind could also disappear.**

"And with a little help, both evil bitches disappeared!" Emmett said with glory in his voice.

**I squeezed my eyes tight together and waited for unconsciousness-almost eager for my nightmare to start. Better that than the pale, beautiful face that smiled at me now from behind my lids. In my imagination, Victoria's eyes were black with thirst, bright with anticipation, and her lips curled back from her gleaming teeth in pleasure. Her red hair was brilliant as fire; it blew chaotically around her wild face. Laurent's words repeated in my head. **_**If you knew what she had planned for you**_**… I pressed my fist against my mouth to keep from screaming.**

I took a huge deep breath, because this miserable, painful, upsetting chapter finally came to a close. We all decided we needed a day's break by going hunting after, and I guess we'll start it up tomorrow.

**K guys, there's the chapter. Wow, that was one hell of a chapter to write. Between the Cullen's emotions and the Denali's emotions, I hope I got it right. Btw, anyone see the season finale to True Blood? What an ending!!! I knew he was going to propose to her, just the way he was acting. But do you think it was Eric who took him away or someone else? K enough of my ranting please read and review, and I'll see you next chapter.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in it *cries***

**Hey guys I know this is going to be updated late, but not only was it holiday this weekend, but I lost my flash key which had all the chapter written to the point I lost it. So I have to go and buy a new one. Anyway, here's a response to one of the reviews. Geminigirl- you are asking for two chapters at a time, but it takes me one-two weeks to write just one chapter, and I type it constantly. So I'm sorry, but I **_**REALLY **_**can't post two chapters at a time, because it would take even longer to post. This isn't like posting a regular fan fic. Not only am I writing the commentary, but the entire book as well. It's a long process. Anyway, hope you guys enjoy the chapter. Oh one last thing, don't mind the spelling errors. My spell check for some reason isn't working right, and I'm a fast typer. Plus I don't want to take the time going page by page to check the spelling and grammar, hopefully it works by next chapter.**

Chapter 15 (Chapter 11- Cult)

After taking a day's break and everyone went hunting and came back, we finally sat back down, ready to endure another chapter.

**Each time that I opened my eyes to the morning light and realized I'd lived through another night was a surprise to me. After the surprise wore off, my heart would start to race and my palms would sweat; I couldn't really breathe again until I'd gotten up and ascertained that Charlie had survived as well. **

"My poor Bella," Carmen said sympathetically.

**I could tell he was worried-watching me jump at any loud sound, or my face suddenly go white for no reason that he could see. From the questions he asked now and then, he seemed to blame the change on Jacob's continued absence.**

"Jake don't worry, he did the same thing after Edward left, too." I reminded him, since he was looking pretty upset by the news.

**The terror that was always foremost in my thoughts usually distracted me from the fact that another week had passed, and Jacob still hadn't called me. But when I was able to concentrate on my normal life-if my life was really ever normal-this upset me. **

"Yeah, no offense Bella. But between hanging out with vampires, to hanging out with werewolves, I don't think you're life could ever truly be considered 'normal,'" Emmett joked, putting air quotes around the word normal.

**I missed him horribly. It had been bad enough to be alone before I was scared silly. Now, more than ever, I yearned for his carefree laugh and his infectious grin. I needed the safe sanity of his homemade garage and his warm hand around my cold fingers. I'd half expected him to call on Monday. If there had been some progress with Embry, wouldn't he want to report it.**

"Too bad it really was the other way around," Quil commented.

**I wanted to believe that it was worry for his friend that was occupying all his time, not that he was just giving up on me.**

"Trust me Bells, I would never ever give up on you," Jake said honestly.

**I called him Tuesday, but no one answered. Were the phone lines still having problems? Or had Bily invested in caller I.D.? on Wednesday I called every half hour until after eleven at night, desperate to hear the warmth of Jacob's voice.**

"Oh G-d, I remember that. Billy was practically going insane by the end of the day," Jake commented.

**Thursday I sat in my truck in front of my house-with the locks pushed down-keys in hand, for a solid hour. I was arguing with myself, trying to justify a quick trip to La Push, but I couldn't do it.**

"I hate to say it Bella, but I don't know if that would have done anything anyway."

**I knew that Laurent had gone back to Victoria by now. If I went to La Push, I took the chance of leading one of them there. **

"I bet we would have all loved that, so we could kick her ass ourselves!" Seth cheered.

**What if they caught up to me when Jake was nearby? As much as it hurt me, I kenw it was better for Jacob that he was avoiding me. Safer for him.**

Jacob scoffed, laughing.

**It was bad enough that I couldn't figure out a way to keep Charlie safe. Nighttime was the most likely time that they would come looking for me, and what could I say to get Charlie out of the house? If I told him the truth, he'd have me locked up in a rubber room somewhere.**

Alice shuddered. "Never ever let him do that. It's horrible," she said. Jasper comforted her.

**I would have endured that-welcomed it, even-if it could have kept him safe. But Victoria would still come to his house first, looking for me. Maybe, if she found me here, that would be enough for her. Maybe she would just leave when she was done with me.**

"Bella, as you know, I've dealt with vicious vampires before and believe me, she would have taken revenge on anyone close to you if she had the chance," Jasper reminded me. I shuddered.

**So I couldn't run away. Even if I could, where would I go? To Renee? I shuddered at the thought of dragging my lethal shadows into my mother's safe, sunny world. I would never endager her that way. **

"I don't think Victoria was worried about that," Edward said darkly.

**The worry was eating a hole in my stomach. Soon I would have matching punctures. That night, Charlie did me another favor and called Harry again to see if the Blacks were out of town. Hary reported that Bily had attended the council meeting Wednesday night, and never mentioned anything about leaving.**

"Yeah, I hate to say this, but Harry knew. But just like everyone else in the town, he had to keep it a secret to protect the tribe," Sam said.

**Charlie warned me not to make a nuisance of myself-Jacob would call when he got around to it. Friday afternoon, as I drove home from school, it hit me out of the blue. I wasn't paying attention to the familiar road, letting the sound of the engine delievered a verdict it must have been working on for some time without my knowledge.**

"Took you long enough," Emmett teased. No one responded, because they were all waiting to see what I had come up with.

**As soon as I thought of it, I felt really stupid for not seeing it sooner. Sure, I'd had a lot on my mind-revenge-obsessed vampires, giant mutant wolves, a ragged hole in the center of my chest-but when I laid the evidence out, it was embarassingly obvious. Jacob avoided me.**

"Bella, you know that's not the situation, and you should have known that at that point," Jake pleaded. I put one finger up to get him to be quiet, so I could read the rest of the sentence.

**Charlie saying he looked strange, upset…Billy's vague, unhelfpul answers. Holy cow, I knew exactly what was going on with Jacob. It was Sam Uley. Even my nightmares had been trying to tell me that. Sam had gotten to Jacob. Whatever was happening to the other boys on the reservation had reached out to Jacob. He'd been sucked into Sam' cult.**

"Oh no, what a horrible situation!" Sam mocked. I laughed.

**He hadnt given up on me at all, I realized with a rush of feeling. I let my truck idle in front of my house. What should I do? I weighed the dangers against each other. If I went looknig for Jacob, I risked the chance Victoria or Laurent finding me with him.**

"Good," Jake said.

**If I didn't go after him, Sam would pull him deeper into his frightening, compulsory gang. Maybe it would be too late if I didn't act soon.**

"I didn't know we were so _scary_," Sam teased.

**It had been a week, and no vampires had come for me yet. A week was more than enough time for them to have returned, so I must not be a priority. Most likely, as I'd decided before, they would come for me at night.**

"That's probably is true, however, trust me, to Victoria, you were the only priority," Edward said angrily.

**The chances of them following me to La Push were much lower than the chance of losing Jacob to Sam.**

"Actually, those chances went down to zero not soon after," Jake said with a grin.

**It was worth the danger of the secluded forest road. This was no idle visit to see what was going on. I **_**knew**_** what was going on. This was a rescue mission. I was going to talk to Jacob-kidnap him if I had to.**

"I bet Jake would have loved that," Quil teased. Jake smacked him on the head.

**I'd once seen a PBS show on deprogramming the brainwashed. There had to be some kind of cure.**

"Ooh, Bella is going Clockwork Orange on us," Emmett joked. I laughed.

**I decided I'd better call Charlie first. Maybe whatever was going on down in La Push was something the police should be involved in. I dashed inside, in a hurry to be on my way. Charlie answered the phone at the station himself. "Chief Swan." "Dad, it's Bella." "What's wrong?" I couldn't argue with his doomsday assumption this time. My voice was shaking.**

"I truly didn't know I was that terrifying," Sam said with a grin on his face.

"**I'm worried about Jacob." "Why?" he asked, surprised by the unexpected topic. "I think…I think something weird is going on down at the reservation. Jacob told me about some strange stuff happening with the other boys his age. Now he's acting the same way and I'm scared."**

"Wow, wait a minute Bella. You aren't scared of vampires, but you're scared of this??" Emmett asked incredulously.

"**What kind of stuff?" He used his professional, police business voice. That was good; he was taking me seriously. "First he was scared, and then he was avoiding me, and now…I'm afraid he's part of that bizarre gang down there, Sam's gang. Sam Uley's gang." "Sam Uley?" Charlie repeated, surprised again.**

"Well at least someone thinks it's surprising that I'm running a so-called gang," Sam commented.

"**Yes." Charlie's voice was more relaxed when he answered. "I think you've got it wrong, Bells. Sam Uley is a great kid. Well, he's a man now. A good son. You should hear Billy talk about him. He's really doing wonders with the youth on the reservation.**

"Thank you. It's nice to know that someone appreciates me," Sam said in a teasing voice.

**He's the one who-" Charlie broke off mid-sentence, and I guessed that he had been about to make a reference to the night I'd gotten lost in the woods. I moved on quickly. "Dad, it's not like that. Jacob was **_**scared **_**of him." "Did you talk to Billy about this?"**

I laughed. "Billy wasn't exactly very helpful, since he wouldn't even answer the phone."

**He was trying to soothe me now. I'd lost him as soon as I'd mentioned Sam. "Billy's not concerned." "Well, Bella, then I'm sure it's okay. Jacob's a kid; he was probably just messing around. I'm sure he's fine. He can't spend every waking minute with you, after all."**

"Why not?" Jake pouted. We laughed.

"**This isn't about me," I insisted, but the battle was lost. "I don't think you need to worry about this. Let Billy take care of Jacob." "Charlie…" My voice was startign to sound whiney. "Bells, I got a lot on my plate right now. Two tourists have gone missing off the trail outside crescent lake." There was an anxious edge of his voice. "This wolf problem is getting out of hand."**

"Too bad he didn't know that the wolf problem and the Jake problem were the same problem," Rose scoffed. "Then it would have all been taken care of." Nessie looked at Rose with desperate eyes, then started to cry. I took her from Jake and cuddled with her for a few minutes. Once she calmed down, I was able to read again, after handing her to Edward.

**I was momentarily distracted-stunned, really-by his news. There was no way the wolves could have survived a match-up with Laurent…**

"Are you sure about that?" Embry teased, raising his eyebrows.

"**Are you sure that's what happened to them?" I asked. "Afraid so, honey. There was-" He hesitated. "there were tracks again, and…some blood this time."**

"No comment," Jake said.

"**Oh!" It must not have come to a confrontation, then. Laurent must have simply outrun the wolves, but why? What I'd seen in the meadow just got stranger and stranger-more impossible to understand.**

"That's because we're _special_ wolves," Quil said with a grin, putting air quotes around special. I chuckled.

"**Look, I really have to go. Don't worry about Jake, Bella. I'm sure it's nothing." "Fine," I said curtly, frustrated as his words reminded me of the more urgent crisis at hand. "Bye," I hung up. I stared at the phone for a long minute. **_**What the hell**_**, I decided.**

Edward laughed. "No surprise there."

**Billy answered after two rings. "Hello?" "Hey, Billy," I almost growled. I tried to sound more friendly as I continued. "Can I talk to Jacob, please?" "Jake's not here." **

"No shocker there."

**What a shock. "Do you know where he is?" "He's out with his friends." Billy's voice was careful. "Oh yeah? Anyone I know? Quil?" I could tell the words didn't come across as casually as I'd meant them to.**

"Not yet," Sam commented.

"**No," Billy said slowly. "I don't think he's with Quil today." I knew better than to mention Sam's name. "Embry?" Billy seeemed happier to answer this one. "Yeah, he's with Embry."**

"I'll bet you five bucks that Bella was not pleased with that news," Emmett bet Jasper. I started to wonder why he never bet Edward or Alice, but then again, Alice could see the future, and Edward could read her mind to find out the answer. I chuckled quietly.

**That was enough for me. Embry was one of them. "Well, have him call me when he gets in, all right?" "Sure, sure. No problem." **_**Click**_**. "See you soon, Billy," I muttered into the dead phone. I drove to La Push determined to wait. I'd sit out front of his house all night if I had to.**

"Stalker alert," Tanya teased. I stuck my tongue out at her.

**I'd miss school. The boy was going to have to come home sometime, and when he did, he was going to have to talk to me. **

"Yeah, she definitely didn't take it well at all," Jasper groaned, as he paid up.

**My mind was so preoccupied that the trip I'd been terrified of making seemed to take only a few seconds. Before I was expecting it, the forest began to thin, and I knew I would soon be able to see the first little houses of the reservation. Waking away, along the left side of the road, was a tall boy with a baseball cap.**

Quil waved at himself in the book for fun. I stared at him in disbelief.

**My breath caught for just a moment, in my throat, hopeful that luck was with me for once, and I'd stumbled across Jacob without hardly trying.**

"Wouldn't that be too easy?" Edward asked curiously. I nodded.

**Bu this boy was too wide, and the hair was short under the hat. Even from behind, I was sure it was Quil, though he looked bigger than the last time I'd seen him. What was with these Quileute boys? Were they feeding them experimental growth hormones?**

"Yes," Sam joked. "That's exactly what we're eating." We all snickered.

**I crossed over to the wrong side of the road to stop next to him. He looked up when the roar of my truck approached.**

"I think that anyone would hear that roar and look up," Edward teased.

**Quil's expression frightened me more than it surprised me. His face was bleak, brooding, his forehead creased with worry. "Oh, hey, Bella," he greeted me dully. "Hi Quil…Are you okay?"**

"Would you be ok if you're best friends left you, and you can't understand why?" Quil sobbed. Jake and Embry looked at him sympathetically.

**He stared at me morosely. "Fine." "Can I give you a ride somewhere?" I offered. "Sure, I guess," he mumbled. He shuffled around the front of the truck and opened the passenger door to climb in. "Where to?" "My house is on the north side, back behind the store," he told me. "Have you seen Jacob today?" The question burst from me almost before he'd finished speaking.**

"Poor Bella. Yet again, I wish I could have been there for you," Alice said with sympathy.

**I looked at Quil eagerly, waiting for his answer. He stared out the windshield for a second before he spoke. "from a distance," he finally said. "A distance?" I echoed. "I tried to follow them-he was with Embry." His voice was low, hard to hear over the engine. I leaned closer. "I know they saw me. But they turned and just disappeared into the trees. I don't think they were alone-I think Sam and his crew might have been with them.**

"I wouldn't be surprised if they were," Quil responded to himself.

"**I've been stumbling around in the forest for an hour, yelling for them. I just barely found the road again when you drove up." "So Sam did get to his." The words were a little distorted-my teeth were gritted together. Quil stared at me. "You know about that?"**

"Even though she's not supposed to, yes, yes she does."

**I nodded. "Jake told me…before." "Before," Quil repeated, and sighed. "Jacob's just as bad as the others now?" "Never leaves Sam's side."**

"Gee thanks, Quil. Good to know my best friend thinks of me that way," Jake said sarcastically. Quil chuckled.

**Quil turned his head and spit out the open window. "And before that-did he avoid everyone? Was he acting upset?" His voice was low and rough. "Not for as long as the others. Maybe one day. Then Sam caught up with him." "What do you think it is? Drugs or something?"**

"No offense, Bella. But this is Embry and Jake we're talking about. Are they really likely to do drugs??" Alice asked. I shook my head no.

"**I can't see Jacob or Embry getting into anything like that…but what do I know? What else could it be? And whay aren't the old people worried?" He shook his head, and the fear showed in his eyes now. "Jacob didn't want to be a part of this…cult. I don't understand what could change him." He stared at me, his face frightened. "**_**I don't want to be next."**_

"Unfortunately, he didn't have much of a choice," Emily pointed out sweetly.

**My eyes mirrored his fear. That was the second time I'd heard it described as a cult. I shivered. "Are your parents any help?"**

"Great, first we go from a gang to a cult. What's next, a mob family?" Sam asked incredulously.

**He grimaced. "Right. My grandfather's on the council with Jacob's dad. Sam Uley is the best that that ever happened to this place, as far as he's concerned." We stared at each other for a prolonged moment. We were in La Push now, and my truck was barely crawling along the empty road.**

"As far as I'm concerned, that's no different than any other day," Edward said with a grin on his face. I stuck my tongue out at him.

**I could see the village's only store not too far ahead. "I'll get out now," Quil said. "My house is right over there." He gestured toward the small wooden ractangle behind the store. I pulled over to the shoulder, and he jumped out. "I'm going to go wait for Jacob," I told him in a hard voice.**

"No shocker there," Emmett laughed.

"**Good luck." He slammed the door and shuffled forward along the road, his head bent forward, his shoulders slumped. Quil's face haunted me as I made a wide U-turn and headed back toward the Blacks'. He was terrified of being next. What was happening here?**

"Bella, I am truly sorry for all of this. But you do have to understand that it was for their own good," Sam told me.

"I know that now, but what was I supposed to think at that point?" He silently nodded.

**I stopped in front of Jacob's house, killing the motor and rolling down the windows. It was stuffy today, no breeze. I put my feet up on the dashboard and settled in to wait. **

"Billy must have _loved_ that," Jake laughed.

**A movement flashed in my peripheral vision-I turend and spotted Billy looking at me through the front window with a confused expression. I waved once and smile a tight smile, but stayed where I was. His eyes narrowed; he let the curtain fall across the glass. I was prepared to stay as long as it took, but I sished I had something to do.**

"Billy must have loved that as well," Quil added in.

**I dug up a pen out of the bottom of my backpack, and an old test. I started to doole on the back of the scrap. I'd only had the time to scrawl on row of diamonds when there was a sharp tap against my door. I jumped, looking up, expecting Billy.**

"I don't think I look like Billy, never mind I'm way too young to look like him," Jake said with his infamous grin on his face. I laughed.

"**What are you doing here, Bella?" Jacob growled. I stared at him in blank astonishment. Jacob had changed radically in the last weeks since I'd seen him. The first thing I noticed was his hair-his beautiful hair was all gone, cropped quite short, covering his head with an inky gloss like black satin.**

(Author moment. I'm visualizing the trailor with his hair short HOT HOT HOT!!!!!!!!)

**The planes of his face seemed to have hardened subtly, tightened…aged. His neck and his shoulders were different, too, thicker somehow. His hands, where they gripped the window frame, looked enormous, with the tendons and veins more prominent under the russet skin. But the physical changes were insignificant.**

"Gee thanks. Now I'm mister giant hands," Jake groaned. I cracked up laughing, and Edward chuckled also.

**It was his expression that made him almost completely unrecognizable. The open, friendly smile was gone lik the hair, the warmth in his dark eyes altered to a brooding resentment that was instantly disturbing.**

"Again, thanks for the compliments."

**There was a darkness in Jacob now. Like my sun had imploded. "Jacob?" I whispered. He just stared at me, his eyes tense and angry. I realized we weren't alone.**

"Here comes the clan, do do do do, here comes the clan," Emmett started singing.

"Err Emmett, it's here comes the _sun_," Edward said in amazement. We all cracked up laughing.

**Behind him we stood four others; all tall and russet-skinned, black hair chopped short just like Jacob's. They could have been brothers-I couldn't even pick Embry out of the group.**

"Well, at least now we've progressed from clan or gang to brothers," Sam pointed out.

**The resemblance was only intensified by the strikingly similar hostility in every pair of eyes. Every pair but one. The oldest by several years, Sam stood in the very back, his face serene and sure. I had to swallow back the bile that rose in my throat. I wanted to take a swing at him.**

"Really Bella? I feel so hurt," Sam sobbed, wiping fake tears from his eyes. I laughed again.

**No, I wanted to do more than that. More than anything, I wanted to be fierce and deadly, someone no one would dare mess with. Someone who would scare Sam Uley silly. I wanted to be a vampire.**

"Well, if you wanted to do that, you should have called on the Volturi," Jasper said with a smirk on his face.

"Ooh, I would have loved to see his reaction to that one," Emmett said, giving Jasper a high five.

"Boys, enough," Esme said in a calm, but authoratative voice.

**The violent desire caught me off guard and knocked the wind out of me. It was the most forbidden of all wishes-even when I only wished it for a malicious reason like this, to gain an advantage over an enemy-because it was the most painful.**

"That would have been a fun battle," Embry teased.

**That future was lost to me forever, had never really been within my grasp.**

I looked down at my pale, olive complexion and giggled. "Too late for thinking that," I said. Edward roared with laughter.

**I scrambled to gain control of myself while the hole in my chest ached hollowly. "What do you want?" Jacob demanded, his expression growing more resentful as he watched the play of emotion across my face.**

"I want to kidnap you," I joked. Emmett and Edward snickered.

"**I want to talk to you," I said in a weak voice. I tried to focus, but I was still reeling against the escape of my taboo dream. "Go ahead," he hissed through his teeth. His glare was vicious. I'd never seen him look at anyone like that, least of all me.**

"And you know I'm truly sorry for acting that way," Jake said. I nodded.

**It hurt with a surprising intensity-a physical pain, a stabbing in my head. "Alone!" I hissed, and my voice was stronger. He looked behind him, and I kenw where his eyes would go. Every one of them was turned for Sam's reaction. Sam nodded once, his face unperturbed.**

"We weren't looking at him, as much as reading his mind," Embry pointed out.

"Again, I know that now," I responded.

**He made a brief comment in an unfamiliar, liquid language-I could only be positive that it wasn't French or Spanish, but I guessed that it was a Quieleute. He turned and walked into Jacob's house. The others, Paul, Jared, and Embry, I assumed, followed him in.**

"Who else would it be?" Embry incredulously asked. I shrugged.

"**Okay." Jacob seemed a bit less furious when the others were gone. His face was a little calmer, but also more hopeless. His mouth seemed permanently pulled down at the corners. I took a deep breath. "You know what I want to know." He didn't answer. He just stared at me bitterly. **

"Nice friend," Kate muttered. Jake growled.

**I stared back and the silence stretched on. The pain in his face unnerved me. I felt a lump beginning to build in my throat. "Can we walk?" I asked while I could still speak. **

"No, we have to crawl, sorry."

**He didn't respond in any way; his face didn't change. I got out of the car, feeling unseen eyes behind the windows on me, and started walking toward the trees to the north. My feet squished in the damp grass and mud beside the road, and, as that was the only sound, at first I thought he wasn't following me. But when I glanced around, he was right beside me, his feet having somehow found a less noisy path than mine.**

"Showoff," I teased. He chuckled.

**I felt better in the fringe of trees, where Sam couldn't possibly be watching. As we walked, I struggled for the right thing to say, but nothing came.**

"Just because I wasn't watching, doesn't mean I didn't hear it all."

"Stupid mind reading werwolves." They chuckled.

**I just got more and more angry that Jacob had gotten sucken in…that Billy had allowed this…that Sam was able to stand there so assured and calm…**

"Bella, do remember that he is the leader. The leader is always suppose to stay calm in the face of danger. I am able to when there's danger lurking around here," Carlisle said.

"I'm danger?"

"Well, in a way, you were," he continued. "Jake was a newborn werewolf, and like a newborn vampire, he didn't have a lot of control."

**Jacob suddenly picked up the pace, striding ahead of me easily with his long legs, and then swinging around to face me, planting himself in my path so I would have to stop too. I was distracted by the overt grace of his movement. Jacob had been nearly as klutzy as me with his never-ending growth spurt. When did that change?**

"Stupid unklumzy werewolf." They laughed even more.

**But Jacob didn't give me time to think about it. "Let's get this over with," he said in a hard, husky voice. I waited. He knew what I wanted. "It's not what you think." His voice was abruptly weary. "It's not what I thought-I was way off." **

"Yeah, and according to your thoughts in the book, so were you," Jake pointed out to me.

"**So what is it, then?" He studied my face for a long moment, speculating. The anger never completely left his face. "I can't tell you," he finally said. My jaw tightened, and I spoke through my teeth. "I thought we were friends." "We were." There was a slight emphasis on the past tense.**

Edward scowled and then growled at him Jake, a massive growl at that. It got really quiet for a few seconds.

"**But you don't need friends anymore," I said sourly. "You have Sam. Isn't that nice-you've always looked up to him so much." "I didn't understand him before." "And now you've seen the light. Hallelujah."**

Emmett and Edward burst out laughing.

"Praise the lord!"

"Oh Jesus, help us now. We are forever your slaves!"

"BOYS ENOUGH!!!" Esme said, trying to hold back her laughter.

**It wasn't like I thought it was. This isn't Sam's fault. He's helping me as much as he can." His voice turned brittle and he looked over my head, past me, rage burning out from his eyes. "he's helping you," I repeated dubiously. "Naturally." But jacob didn't seem to be listening. He was taking deep, deliberate breaths, trying to calm himself. He was so mad that his hands were shaking.**

Jake chuckled. "I guess that goes along with the territory."

"**Jacob, please," I whispered. "Won't you tell me what happened? Maybe I can help." "No one can help me now." The words were a low moan; his voice broke. "What did he do to you?" I demanded, tears collecting in my eyes.**

"Always my fault, isn't it?" Sam groaned. I mouthed the words _sorry_ to him.

**I reached out to him, as I had once before, stepping forward with my arms wide. This time he cringed away, holding his hands up defensively. "Don't touch me," he whispered. "Is Sam catching?" I mumbled. The stupid tears had escaped the corners of my eyes. I wiped them away with the back of my hand, and folded my arms across the chest.**

"Aww, poor Bella. I feel so bad for what you had to go through. You were in enough pain to begin with. You shouldn't have to deal with this," Carmen said sympathetically.

"**Stop blaming Sam." The words came out fast, like a reflex. His hands reached up to twist around the hair that was no longer there, and then fell limply at his sides. "Then who should I blame?" I retorted.**

Edward growled. "Somehow I think I know who he's going to say."

**He halfway smiled; it was a bleak, twisted thing. "You don't want to ehar that." "The hell I don't!" I snapped. "I want to know, and I want to know **_**now**_**." "You're wrong," he snapped.**

"Yeah, he was probably right," Alice said glumly, slowly realizing who Jake was about to blame this all on.

"**Don't you dare tell me I'm wrong-I'm not the one who got brainwashed! Tell me now whose fault this all is, if it's not your precious Sam!" "You asked for it," he growled at me, eyes glinting hard. "If you want to blame someone, why don't you point your finger at those filthy, **_**reeking**_** bloodsuckers that you love so much?"**

I heard a huge gasp from all of the Denalis.

"It's true, you know," Carlisle pointed out. "They don't shapeshift unless there are vampires around."

**My mouth fell open and my breath came out with a **_**whooshing **_**sound. I was frozen in place, stabbed through with his double-edged words. The pain twisted in familiar patterns through my body, the jagged jhole ripping me open from the inside out, but it was second place, background music to the chaos of my thoughts. I couldn't believe that I'd heard him correctly. There was no trace of indecision in his face. Only fury.**

"I don't blame him for feeling that way, honestly," Edward said truthfully.

**My mouth still hung wide. "I told you that you didn't want to hear it," he said. "I don't undesrtand who you mean," I whispered.**

"_Right," _Emmett exaggerated.

**He raised one eyebrow. "I think you understand exactly who I mean. You're not going to make me say it, are you? I don't like hurting you."**

"Too late for that," I muttered quietly.

"**I don't understand who you mean," I repeated mechanically. "The **_**Cullens**_**," he said slowly, drawing out the word, scrutinizing my face as he spoke. "I saw that-I can see in your eyes what it does to you when I say their name."**

"Then WHY would you do that???" Alice asked angrily.

**I shook my head back and forth in denial, trying to clear it at the same time. How did he know this? And how did it have anything to do with Sam's cult? Was it a gang of vampire-haters?**

"Do you really want the answer to that?" Sam pointed out.

**What was the point of forming such a society when no vampires lived in Forks anymore? Why would Jacob start believing the stories about the Cullens now, when the evidence of them was long gone, never to return?**

"Are you sure about that?" Edward asked with a smirk on his face.

**It took me too long to come up with the correct response. "Don't tell me you're listening to Billy's superstitious nonsense now," I said with a feeble attempt at mockery. "He knows more than I gave him credit for." "Be serious, Jacob." He glared at me, his eyes critical. "Superstitions aside," I said quickly. "I still don't see what you're accusing the…Cullens"-wince-"of.**

"Bella, you truly are terrible at lying," Edward chuckled.

"**They left more than a half a year ago. How can you blame them for what Sam is doing now?" "Sam isn't doing anything, Bella. And I know they're gone. But sometimes…things are set in motion, and then it's too late."**

"Hey, you can't blame your change on us. Laurent and Victoria had something to do with it as well. If they weren't still out looking for Bella, none of the rest of you would have changed before we came back," Jasper sneered.

"**What's set in motion? What's too late? What are you blaming them for?" He was suddenly right in my face, his fury glowing in his eyes. "For existing," he hissed.**

"That's a pretty large accusation, don't you think?" Garrett asked Jake. He shrugged his shoulders.

**I was surprised and distracted as the warning words came in Edward's voice again, when I wasn't even scared. "Quiet now, Bella. Don't push him," Edward cautioned in my ear. Ever since Edward's name had broken through the careful walls I'd buried it behind, I'd been unable to lock it up again. It didn't hurt now-not during the precious seconds when I could hear his voice.**

"Bullshit!" Jake shouted. It went silent for a few seconds.

**Jacob was fuming in front of me, quivering with anger. I didn't understand why the Edward delusion was unexpectedly in my mind. Jacob was livid, but he was Jacob. There was no adrenaline, no danger.**

"Great, now you only are dangerous to hear me. Gee, thanks. I swear Bella, if you weren't already dead, I would be the death of you," Edward laughed. I joined in the laughter.

"**Give him a chance to calm down," Edward's voice insisted. I shook my head in confusion. "You're being ridiculous," I told them both. "Fine," Jacob answered, breathing deeply again. "I won't argue it with you. It doesn't matter anyway, the damage is done." **_**"What damage?"**_** He didn't flinch as I shouted the words in his face. "Let's head back. There's nothing more to say."**

"Gee, that was helpful," Alice said sarcastically.

**I gaped. "There's everything more to say! You haven't said anything yet!"**

"My point exactly."

**He walked past me, striding back toward the house. "I ran into Quil today," I shouted after him. He paused midstep, but didn't turn. "You remember your friend, Quil? Yeah he's terrified." Jacob whirled to face me. His expression was pained. "Quil" was all he said.**

"Aww, Jake. You must have been worried about me being turned next, just as I was," Quil said with a sad look in his eyes. Jake nodded quietly.

"**He's worried about you, too. He's freaked out." Jacob stared past me with desperate eyes. I goaded him further. "He's frightened that he's next." Jacob clutched at a tree for support, his face turning a strange shade of green under the red-brown surface. "He won't be next," Jacob muttered to himself.**

"That should have been true, but somehow I still got changed," Quil said curiously.

"**He can't be. It's over now. This shouldn't still be happening. Why? Why?" His fist slammed against the tree. It wasn't a big tree, slender and only a few feet taller than Jacob. But it still surprised me when the trunk gave way and snapped off loudly under his blow.**

"Poor Jake. I feel really bad. It was none of your faults that this happened. And none of you could do anything about it," Emily said with a sweet voice.

**Jacob stared at the sharp, broken point with shock that quickly turned to horror. "I have to get back." He whirled and stalked away so swiftly that I had to go to keep up.**

"Smart move," Edward commented to Jake.

"**Back to Sam!" "That's one way of looking at it," it sounded like he said. He was mumbling and facing away. I chased him back to the truck. "Wait!" I called as he turned toward the house.**

"Probably not the smartest thing to do, with him being in his condition," Edward pointed out to me.

"What was I supposed to do?? Watch my friend stalk off without giving me any explanation? I had no idea what was going on at that time. If you were in my shoes, what would you have done?" He slowly nodded, understanding what I meant.

"**Go home, Bella. I can't hang out with you anymore."**

It went deadly silent in the room for a moment. I looked at Jake, who was looking at his feet. He couldn't even look up. After Jasper calmed the room down, I was able to read again.

**The silly, inconsequential hurt was incredibly potent. The tears welled up again. "Are you…breaking up with me?"**

"Déjà vu," Alice muttered quietly. Now everyone was glaring at Jake, who still had his head down.

**The words were all wrong, but they were the best way I could think to phrase what I was asking. After all, what Jake and I had was more than any schoolyard romance. Stronger. He barked out a bitter laugh. "Hardly. If that were the case, I'd say 'Let's stay friends.' I can't even say that."**

I stopped, because now Jake was in tears. I got up and offered him a hug. He was reluctant at first, but eventually got up and accepted it. I felt someone short walk right by me and grab his leg for a hug. Jake picked her up and cried into her little shoulder. I patted him on the back and sat back down. This must have been really hard to hear, but like Edward needed to hear how I reacted to his breakup, this was just as important for Jake to hear.

"**Jacob…why? Sam won't let you have other friends? Please, Jake. You promised. I need you!" The blank emptiness of my life befre-before Jacob brought some semblance of reason back into it-reared up and confronted me. Loneliness choked in my throat. **

"Wow, I'm really starting to see why she loved you as well. It's amazing all that you did, but then you were ready to let that all go! Listen, I know it's tough dealing with what you were going through. Look at me, I'm a vampire. But you should have found a way around it, Jake. You know you don't want to intentionally hurt her anymore than I do," Edward said thoughtfully.

"Well, keep reading, I do keep my promise eventually. It was just very difficult, and I had no control on my anger."

"I know."

"**I'm sorry, Bella," Jacob said each word distinctly in a cold voice that didn't seem to belong to him. I didn't belive that this was really what Jacob wanted to say. It seemed like there was something else trying to be said through his angry eyes, but I couldn't understand the message.**

"Well, there was something else. But I wasn't allowed to tell you. You had to figure it out for yourself," Jacob said through his tears.

**Maybe this wasn't about Sam at all. Maybe this had nothing to do with the Cullens. Maybe he was just trying to pull himself out of a hopeless situation.**

"Hopeless is an understatement," Jake half chuckled trying to cheer himself up.

**Maybe I should let him do that, if that's what was best for him. I should do that. I should do that. It would be right. But I heard my voice escaping in a whisper. "I'm sorry that I couldn't…before…I wish I could change how I feel about you, Jacob."**

"Aww," Emily cooed.

**I was desperate, reaching, stretching the truth so far that it curved nearly into the shape of the lie.**

Edward chuckled. I looked at him, confused. "You were using your shield inadvertently without even knowing it. Think about it, the way you stretched the truth into a circle, very similar to the way you stretch your shield bubble." I was shocked.

"**Maybe…maybe I would change," I whispered. "Maybe, if you gave me some time…just don't quit on me now, Jake. I can't take it." **

I saw Esme, Carmen, and Emily give me deep looks of sympathy. I flashed a small smile at them.

**His face went from anger to agony in a second. One shaking hand reached out toward me. "No. Don't think like that Bella, please. Don't blame yourself, don't think this is your fault. This one is **_**all**_** me. I swear, it's not about you." "It's not you, it's me," I whispered.**

Edward chuckled. "Like I haven't heard that one before."

"**There's a new one." "I mean it, Bella. I'm not…" he struggled, his voice going even huskier as he fought to control his emotion. His eyes were tortured. "I'm not good enough to be your friend anymore, or anything else. I'm not what I was before. I'm not good."**

"Wow," I heard quietly throughout the room.

"**What?" I stared at him, confused and appalled. "What are you **_**saying**_**? You're much better than I am, Jake. You are good! Who told you that you aren't? Sam? It's a vicious lie, Jacob! Don't let him tell you that!" I was suddenly yelling again. Jacob's face went hard and flat. "No one had to tell me anything. I know what I am.**

"Wow, now that I'm seeing what you had to go through personally at the beginning, I wish I could have been there for Sam when he first changed," Emily said.

"**You're my friend, that's what you are! Jake-don't!" He was backing away from me. "I'm sorry, Bella," he said again; this time it was a broken mumble. He turned and almost ran into the house.**

"Bella, I have to apologize for that. I was basically begging him to come back in the house before he had the chance to hurt you in anyway. I was only looking out for his safety," Sam told me. I mouthed _I know _to him.

**I was unable to move from where I stood. I stared at the little house; it looked too small to hold four large boys and two larger men. There was no reaction inside.**

"That's because we all heard the conversation," Embry said quietly.

**No flutter at the edge of the curtain, no sound of voices or movement. It faced me vacantly. The rain started to drizzle, stinging here and there against my skin. I couldn't take my eyes off the house. Jacob would come back. He had to.**

"Just like Edward, I did come back. It hurt me too much to see you in that much pain. I couldn't even stand it when I was there that day. It ached in every bone of my body."

**The rain picked up, and so did the wind. The drops were no longer falling from above; they slanted at an angle from the west. I could smell the brine from the ocean. My hair whipped in my face, sticking to the wet places and tangling in my lashes. I waited. Finally the door opened, and I took a step forward in relief. Billy rolled his chair into the door frame. I could see no one behind him. "Charlie just called, Bella. I told him you were on your way home." His eyes were full of pity.**

"And he wasn't faking the pity. He knew what you were going through as well, as much as he hated the Cullens through and through. He wished he could have helped. Just remember that, k?" Jake asked me. I nodded.

**The pity made it final somehow. I didn't comment. I just turned robotoically and climbed in my truck. I'd left the windows open and the seats were slick and wet. **

"Nice," Emmett teased.

**It didn't matter. I was already soaked. **_**Not as bad! Not as bad! **_**my mind tried to comfort me. It was true. This wasn't as bad. This wasn't the end of the world, not again. **

"It's the end of the world as we know it, it's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine," Emmett sang, until Esme gave him one angry look and he shut up.

**This was just the end of what little peace there was left behind. That was all. **_**Not as bad**_**, I agreed, then added, **_**but bad enough**_**. I'd thought Jake had been healing the hole in me-or at least plugging it up, keeping it from hurting me so much. I'd been wrong. He'd just been carving out his own hole, so that I was now riddled through like Swiss cheese. I wondered why I didn't crumble into pieces.**

"What's more amazing is that you didn't commit suicide after all this. I don't know if I ever would have lived with myself after going through _all_ of that," Alice told me honestly.

**Charlie was waiting on the porch. As I rolled to a stop, he walked out to meet me. "Billy called. He said you got in a fight with Jake-said you were pretty upset," he explained as he opened my door for me. Then he looked at my face. A kind of horrified recognition registered in his expression.**

"Yeah, he basically saw the same pain through my eyes that he did so many months before," I commented.

**I tried to feel my face from the inside out, to know what he was seeing. My face felt empty and cold, and I realized what it would remind him of. "That's not exactly how it happened," I muttered.**

"It wasn't far off though," Jake muttered quietly.

**Charlie put his arm around me and helped me out of his car. He didn't comment on my sodden clothes. "Then what did happen?" he asked when we were inside. He pulled the afghan off the back of the sofa as he spoke and wrapped it around my shoulders. I realized I was shivering still.**

"Poor Charlie. As oblivious as he is, or _was, _he still tries to be an amazing father," I said with a small smile.

**My voice was lifeless. "Sam Uley says Jacob can't be my friend anymore." Charlie shot me a strange look. "Who told you that?" "Jacob," I stated, though that wasn't exactly what he'd said. It was still true. Charlie's eyebrows pulled together. "You really think there's something wrong with the Uley kid?"**

"Apparently so," Sam said in a teasing voice while patting his eyes with an invisible tissue. Quil and Seth chuckled.

"**I know there is. Jacob wouldn't tell me what, though." I could hear the water from my clothes dripping to the floor and splashing on the linoleum. "I'm going to go change." Charlie was lost in thought. "Okay," he said absently. I decided to take a shower because I was so cold, but the hot water didn't seem to affect the temperature of my skin.**

"Join the club," Rose joked. I laughed.

**I was still freezing when I gave up and shut the water off. In the sudden quiet, I could hear Charlie talking to someone downstairs. I wrapped a towel around me, and cracked the bathroom door. Charlie's voice was angry. "I'm not buying that. It doesn't make any sense."**

"Who was on the phone with him?" Seth asked me.

"Billy," I responded. He went quiet.

**It was quiet then, and I realized he was on the phone. A minute passed. "Don't you put this on Bella!" Charlie suddenly shouted. I jumped. When he spoke again, his voice was careful and lower. "Bella's made it very clear all along that she and Jacob were just friends...**

"Even if he wanted us to be more," I laughed.

"**Well, if that was it, then why didn't you say so at first? No, Billy, I think she's right about this…Because I know my daughter, and if she says Jacob was scared before—" He was cut off mid-sentence, and when he answered he was almost shouting again.**

"Wow, it's amazing to hear Charlie's side of the conversation, because I was only able to hear Billy's side, and now honestly, I would have to agree with Charlie on this conversation," Jake uttered quietly.

"**What do you mean I don't know my daughter as well as I think I do!" He listened for a brief second, and his response was almost too low for me to hear. "If you think I'm going to remind her about that, then you had better think again. She's only just starting to get over it, and mostly because of Jacob, I think.**

"HOW DARE HE BRING UP US LEAVING BELLA??? BILLY OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER THAN THAT!" Alice shouted at the top of her lungs. Thank goodness for Jasper, or else we would be facing Alice's wrath for who knows how long.

"**If whateveer Jacob was going on with this Sam character sends her back into that depression, then Jacob is going to have to answer to me. You're my friend, Billy, but this is hurting my family." There was another break for Billy to respond. "You got that right—those boys set one toe out of line and I'm going to know about it. We'll be keeping an eye on the situation, you can be sure of that." He was no longer Charlie; he was Chief Swan now. "Fine. Yeah. Goodbye." The phone slammed into the cradle.**

I had to stop for a few minutes. This was too much for me. I could sense that the feeling was mutual throughout the room. I took Nessie from Jake and stepped outside for a few minutes. I knew that she would be the only thing to calm me down at the moment. I held her in my arms and cried tearless cries for a few moments.

"Mommy, how could Billy do that? It's so mean. That's not like him."

"I know, sweetie, I know."

After a few moments, I felt a hand on my shoulder. Edward. After a few minutes of calming down, I came back in and was ready to finish this miserable chapter.

**I tiptoed across the hall into my room. Charlie was muttering angrily in the kitchen. So Billy was going to blame me. I was leading Jacob on and he'd finally had enough. It was strange, for I'd feared that myself, but after the last thing Jacob had said this afternoon, I didn't believe it anymore. There was much more to this than an unrequited crush, and it surprised me that Billy would stoop to claiming that.**

"Well honestly, Bella. What else could he have said? It freaked him out enough when I eventually revealed what I was to him. He wasn't ready at that point to hear it."

**It made me think that whatever secret they were keeping was bigger than I'd been imagining. At least Charlie was on my side now. I put my pajamas on and crawled into bed. Life seemed dark enough at the moment that I let myself cheat. The hole—holes now—were already aching, so why not?**

"Poor Bella," Esme repeated quietly.

**I pulled out the memory—not a real memory that would hurt **_**too**_** much, but the false memory of Edward's voice in my mind this afternoon—and played it over and over in my head until I fell asleep with the tears still streaming calmly down my empty face.**

"Poor Bella," Carmen had a turn to say.

**It was a new dream tonight. Rain was falling and Jacob was walking soundlessly beside me, though beneath my feet the ground crunched like dry gravel. But he wasn't my Jacob; he was the new, bitter, graceful Jacob. The smooth suppleness of his walk reminded me of someone else, and as I watched, his features started to change.**

"Great, now she thinks I'm a vampire," Jake said with a shudder.

**The russet color of his skin leached away, leaving his face pale white like bone. His eyes turned gold, and then crimson, and then back to gold again. His short hair twisted in the breeze, turning bronze where the wind touched it. And his face became so beautiful that it shattered my heart.**

"Poor Bella," Edward now said. The pain was getting too much, but I decided to finish the chapter before I took another break.

**And his face became so beautiful that it shattered my heart. I reached for him, bu he took a step away, raising his hands like a shield. And then Edward vanished. I wasn't sure, when I wokei n the dark, if I'd just begun crying, or if my tears had run while I slept and simply continued now.**

"Unfortunately, more than likely, it was the second option," Edward said quietly.

**I stared at my dark ceiling. I could feel that it was the middle of the night—I was still half-asleep, maybe more than half. I closed my eyes and prayed for a dreamless sleep. That's when I heard the noise that must have wakened me in the first place. Something sharp scraped along the length of my window with a high pitched squeal, like fingernails against the glass.**

The Cullens' eyes went wide. "Victoria," Edward whispered.

**WOW. These chapters are getting harder and harder to write. And here I thought the 3****rd**** chapter of the book would be the hardest, but the whole book is so dark and deep. So again, the typing errors, I'm sorry for. But the spell check isn't working right. Hopefully next chapter it will be better. Oh and one last thing 6 more chapters til alice!!!!!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in it.**

**K guys here we go again. Hopefully the spell check works a little better this time around. Wow, rough chapter last time huh. Hope everyone who observed the holiday had an easy fast like me. That was the easiest fast I've had in years, and I fasted the whole time. So those who celebrated, Happy New Year! And those who didn't, don't ask why I said that lol. Countdown begins 5 chapters til Alice 8 chapters til Edward. :-D. Well after just typing 4 pages, it's official. The spell check works lol yay! Hope you guys enjoy.**

Chapter 16 ( Chapter 12- Intruder)

I decided to continue reading and let my family's shock wear off once found out that it wasn't Victoria at all, _thank god for that_.

**My eyes flew wide open with fright, though I was so exhausted and muddled that I was not yet positive whether I was awake or asleep. Something scratched against my window again with the same thin, high-pitched sound. Confused and clumsy with sleep, I stumbled out of my bed and to the window, blinking the lingering tears from my eyes on the way.**

"Bella, don't you think that was a dumb idea? If it is Victoria, it's like leading you to death," Alice commented, and then all of a sudden went into a vision. When she came out of it, she had a grin on her face. Clearly, she saw that it wasn't Victoria at all. Edward and Carlisle looked at her surprised that she was smiling in a situation like this. Little did they know how wrong they were.

**A huge, dark shape wobbled erratically on the other side of the glass, lurching toward me like it was going to smash right through. I staggered back, terrified, my throat closing around a scream. Victoria. She'd come for me. I was dead. Not Charlie, too!**

"Wait, now I'm confused," Alice said in a worried voice.

"_Don't worry about it, trust me_," I mouthed to her. She nodded slowly, unsure.

**I choked back the building scream. I would have to keep quiet through this. Somehow, I had to keep Charlie from coming to investigate…. And then a familiar, husky voice called from the dark shape. **

I could see all the Cullen's relaxing and breathing a sigh of relief. Edward just shook his head in wonder.

**"Bella!" it hissed. "Ouch! Damn it, open the window! OUCH! I needed two seconds to shake off the horror before I could move, but then I hurried to the window and shoved the glass out of the way. The clouds were dimly lit from behind, enough for me to make sense of the shapes. "What are you **_**doing?**_**" I gasped.**

"Doing it the way I used to do it, through the window," Edward laughed, now noticeably relaxed.

**Jacob was clinging precariously to the top of the spruce that grew in the middle of Charlie's little front yard. His weight had bowed the tree toward the house and he now swung—his legs dangling twenty feet above the ground—not a yard away from me. The thin branches at the tip of the tree scraped against the side of the house again with a grating squeal.**

Emily chuckled. "That must have been quite a sight to see."

**"I'm trying to keep"—he huffed, shifting his weight as the treetop bounced him—"my promise!" I blinked my wet blurry eyes, suddenly sure that I was dreaming.**

Emmett lightly chuckled. "What is with you and thinking that anything good that happens to you is a dream?" I shrugged my shoulders.

**"When did you ever promise to kill yourself falling out of Charlie's tree?" He snorted, unamused, swinging his legs to improve his balance. "Get out of the way," he ordered. "What?" He swung his legs again, backwards and forward, increasing his momentum. I realized what he was trying to do. "No, Jake!" But I ducked to the side, because it was too late. With a grunt, he launched himself toward my open window.**

"Stupid showoff werewolf," Rose and I muttered at the same time. We looked at each other and laughed, even if our same comments had two different meanings.

**Another scream built in my throat as I waited for him to fall to his death—or at least maim himself agilely into my room, landing on the balls of his feet with a low thud. We both looked to the door automatically, holding our breath, waiting to see if the noise had woken Charlie. A short moment of silence passed, and then we heard the muffled sound of Charlie's snore.**

"That would have been awkward," Jake pointed out.

**A wide grin spread slowly across Jacob's face; he seemed extremely pleased with himself. It wasn't the grin that I knew and loved—it was a new grin, one that was a bitter mockery of his old sincerity, on the new face that belonged to Sam.** **That was a bit much for me. I'd cried myself to sleep over this boy. His harsh rejection had punched a painful new hole in what was left of my chest. He'd left a new nightmare behind him, like an infection in a sore—the insult after the injury. And now he was here in my room, smirking at me as if none of that had passed.**

"No, I was trying to lighten the mood," Jake said.

**Worse than that, even though his arrival had been noisy and awkward, it reminded me of when Edward used to sneak in through my window at night, and the reminder picked viciously at the unhealed wounds.**

Edward chuckled. "Like I said, doing it the way I used to do it, through the window

**All of this, coupled with the fact that I was dog-tired, did not put me in a friendly mood. "Get out!" I hissed, putting as much venom in the whisper as I could. He blinked, his face going blank with surprise. "No," he protested. "I came to apologize." "I don't **_**accept**_**!"**

"You don't know how much that sentence right there beat me up on the inside that night, even if we did get a chance to talk anyway," Jake told me.

**I tried to shove him back out the window—after all, if this was a dream, it wouldn't really hurt him. It was useless, though. I didn't budge him an inch. I dropped my hands quickly and stepped away from him. He wasn't wearing a shirt, though the air blowing in the window was cold enough to make me shiver, and it made me uncomfortable.**

"Yeah well, when you're body is as hot as ours, we're not worried about being cold."

**His skin was burning hot, like his head had been the last time I'd touched him. Like he was sick with the fever. He didn't look sick. He looked **_**huge**_**. **

"Gee, thanks?" Jake said in a confused voice. I smiled at him.

**He leaned over me, so big that he blacked out the window, tongue-tied by my furious reaction. Suddenly, it was just more than I could handle—it felt as if all of my sleepless nights were crashing down on me en masse.**

"Yikes, that can't be good," Kate commented.

**I was so brutally tired that I thought I might collapse right there on the floor. I swayed unsteadily, and struggled to keep my eyes open. "Bella?" Jacob whispered anxiously. He caught my elbow as I swayed again, and steered me back to the bed. My legs gave out when I reached the edge, and I plopped into a limp heap on the mattress.**

Emmett chuckled. "What are we going to do with you sometimes, little sis?"

**"Hey, are you okay?' Jacob asked, worry creasing his forehead. I looked up at him, the tears not yet dried on my cheeks. "Why in the world would I be okay, Jacob?" Anguish replaced some of the bitterness in his face. "Right," he agreed, and took a breath. "Crap. Well...I'm—I'm so sorry, Bella." The apology was sincere, no doubt about it, though there was still an angry twist to his features.**

"That wasn't because of you, though," Jake said.

**"Why did you come here? I don't want apologies from you, Jake." "I know," he whispered. "But I couldn't leave things the way I did this afternoon. That was horrible. I'm sorry." I shook my head wearily. "I don't understand anything." "I know. I want to explain—" he broke off suddenly, his mouth open, almost like something had cut off his air.**

"Yeah…that was me telling him that he wasn't allowed to tell you, in order to protect us," Sam reluctantly said. "I guess I was awake. I guess I forgot about that night a little."

**Then he sucked in a deep breath. "But I can't explain," he said, still angry. "I wish I could." I let my head fall into my hands. My question came out muffled by my arm. "Why?" He was quiet for a moment. I twisted my head to the side—too tired to hold it up—to see his expression. It surprised me. His eyes were squinted, his teeth clenched, his forehead wrinkled in effort.**

"Jake, you know I'm sorry for telling you to do that, but you know what could have happened if you were the one who told her instead of having her figure it out for herself.

**"What's wrong?" I asked. He exhaled heavily, and I realized he'd been holding his breath, too. "I can't do it," he muttered, frustrated. "Do what?" He ignored my question. "Look, Bella, haven't you ever had a secret that you couldn't tell anyone?"**

Edward and Emmett started laughing their heads off. "You have no idea," Alice commented, joining in the laughter.

**He looked at me with knowing eyes, and my thoughts jumped immediately to the Cullens. I hoped my expression didn't look guilty. "Something you felt like you had to keep from Charlie, from your mom…?" he pressed. "Something you won't even talk about with me? Not even now?"**

"Keep going, Jake. You're on the right track," Emmett snickered.

**I felt my eyes tighten. I didn't answer his question, though I knew he would take that as a confirmation. "Can you understand that I might have the same kind of…situation?" **

"Honestly, at that point, I didn't even understand what you meant by that," I said.

**He was struggling again, seeming to fight for the right words. "Sometimes, loyalty gets in the way of what you want to do. Sometimes, it's not your secret to tell." So, I couldn't argue with that. He was exactly right—I had a secret that wasn't mine to tell, yet a secret I felt bound to protect.**

"Yeah, if you told anyone, you would have been killed by the Volturi by now," Edward said.

**A secret that, suddenly, he seemed to know all about. I still didn't see how it applied to him, or Sam, or Billy. What was it to them, now that the Cullens were gone?**

"Because it was because of them that we are what we are instead of skipping another generation," Sam said.

**"I don't know why you came here, Jacob, if you were just going to give me riddles instead of answers."**

"Not my fault," Jake growled towards Sam.

**"I'm sorry," he whispered. "This is so frustrating. We looked at each other for aw long moment in the dark room, both our faces hopeless. "The part that kills me," he said abruptly, "is that you already **_**know**_**. I already **_**told**_** you everything!"**

"When did you tell her the truth?" Sam asked, confused.

"That day at the beach, when she first moved here. You should remember, it was you're comment that brought up the subject of the legends," Jake pointed out.

"What comment?"

"You said '_The Cullens don't come here._'" I added in. He had a shocked face.

**"What are you talking about?" He sucked in a startled breath, and then leaned toward me, his face shifting from hopelessness to blazing intensity for a second. He stared fiercely into my eyes, and his voice was fast and eager. He spoke the words right into my face; his breath was as hot as his skin. "I think I see a way to make this work out—because you know this, Bella!**

'It's amazing," Edward said. "It took her very quickly and good observations to figure out what I was."

**"I can't tell you, but if you **_**guessed **_**it! That would let me right off the hook!" "You want me to guess? Guess **_**what? "My**_** secret! You can do it—you know the answer!" I blinked twice, trying to clear my head. I was so tired. Nothing he said made sense.**

"Actually, if you look at it, it makes perfect sense now," I chuckled.

**He took in my blank expression, and then his face tensed with effort again. "Hold on, let me see if I give you some help," he said. Whatever he was trying to do, it was so hard he was panting. "Help?" I asked, trying to keep up. My lids wanted to slip closed, but I forced them open. "Yeah," he said, breathing hard. "Like clues." He took my face in his enormous, too-warm hands and held it just a few inches from his. He stared into my eyes while he whispered, as if to communicate something besides the words he spoke. "Remember the first day we met—on the beach in La Push?**

I chuckled. "How could I forget? That was the day that you helped me realize what Edward and the Cullens were."

**"Of course I do." "Tell me about it." I took a deep breath and tried to concentrate. "You asked about my truck..." He nodded, urging me on. "We talked about the Rabbit…" "Keep going." "We went for a walk down the beach…" My cheeks were growing warm under his palms as I remembered, but he wouldn't notice, hot as his skin was.**

"Yeah, the only thing that kept me from thinking that you had become a vampire was your hot skin."

**I'd asked him to walk with me, flirting ineptly but successfully, in order to pump him for information.**

Edward chuckled. "I remember you telling me that, and I said that I guess vampirese are not the only ones who can dazzle people." This got Emmett and Alice both laughing.

**He was nodding, anxious for more. Mmy voice was nearly soundless. "You told me scary stories…Quileute legends." He closed his eyes and opened them again. "Yes." The word was tense, fervent, like he was on the edge of something vital. He spoke slowly, making each word distinct. "Do you remember what I said?"**

"Of course she does, as long as it's about vampires."

**Even in the dark, he must be able to see the change in the color of my face. How could I ever forget that? Without realizing what he was doing, Jacob had told me exactly what I needed to know that day—that Edward was a vampire.**

"K, I love you guys to death, but now I blame the vampire-human relationship on Jacob," Rose pointed out. We looked at her in surprise. "Just remember, if you never knew, you might not have gotten into this mess. I love you as a sister, and I love that you are part of this family now, but I'm still jealous that you were human, and you know why." I nodded quietly.

**He looked at me with eyes that knew too much. "Think hard," he told me. "Yes, I remember," I breathed. He inhaled deeply, struggling. "Do you remember **_**all**_** the stor—" He couldn't finish the question. His mouth popped open like something had stuck in his throat. **

"Yeah, like I said before, we had to be careful about making sure he didn't say it. You had to figure it out on your own, whether I wanted you to or not," Sam said.

**"All the stories?" I asked. He nodded mutely. My head churned. Only one story really mattered. I knew he'd begun with others, but I couldn't remember the inconsequential prelude, especially not while my brain was so clouded with exhaustion. I started to shake my head. Jacob groaned and jumped off the bed. He pressed his fists against his forehead and breathed fast and angry. "You know this, you know this," he muttered to himself.**

"And she did, she just needed the time to think about it. You should have given her time. You know that," Edward told him calmly.

"I did give her time. I thought that she would have figured it out long before that."

**"Jake? Jake, please, I'm **_**exhausted**_**. I'm no good at this right now. Maybe in the morning…" He took a steadying breath and nodded. "Maybe it will come back to you. I guess I understand why you only remember the one story," he said in a sarcastic, bitter tone.**

"Sorry," I said in a shy tone. If I could blush, I would have.

**He plunked back on the mattress beside me. "Do you mind if I ask you a question about that?" he asked, still sarcastic. "I've been dying to know." "A question about what?" I asked warily. "About the vampire story I told you." I stared at him with guarded eyes, unable to answer. He asked his question anyway. "Did you honestly not know?" he asked me, his voice turning husky. "Was I the one who told you what he was?"**

"Well, sort of," I reminded him. "What you told me helped me with my research. You could ask Edward. I was thinking like Spiderman or Superman or someone like that." Jake chuckled. "But after you told me, I went online and looked up this website all about vampires, and found all the similarities, plus what you told me, plus what Edward showed me, and I was able to put 2 and 2 together."

_**How did he know this? **_**Why did he decide to believe, why **_**now**_**? My teeth clenched together. I stared back at him, no intention of speaking. He could see that. "See what I mean about loyalty?" he murmured, even huskier now. "It's the same for me, only worse. You can't imagine how tight I'm bound…"**

"How is that worse?" Garrett asked in confusion. Jake went to answer, but Edward cut him off.

"You see, we have the choice of being vampires, _so to speak_. Shape-shifters are born that way. It's in their blood. They have nothing to control they're destiny. It's who they are. Even if we were changed against our will, it wasn't exactly destiny to be this way."

**I didn't like that—didn't like the way his eyes closed as if he were in pain when he spoke of being bound. More than dislike—I realized I **_**hated **_**it, hated anything that caused him pain. Hated it fiercely.**

"Bella, that's what we love about you. You are always going out of your way to make sure your friends and family aren't suffering, even if you screw yourself over in the long run," Jasper said with an honest smile on his face.

**Sam's face filled my mind. For me, this was all essentially voluntary. I protected the Cullens' secret out of love; unrequited, but true. **

"Yes, you truly are an amazing person. After everything we put you through earlier that year, it's wonderful that you were able to hold the secret," Carlisle complimented me. Esme nodded in agreement.

**For Jacob, it didn't seem that way. "Isn't there any way for you to get free?" I whispered, touching the rough edge at the back of his short hair. His hands began to tremble, but he didn't open his eyes. "No, I'm in this for life. A life sentence." A bleak laugh. "Longer, maybe." "No, Jake," I moaned. "What if we ran away? Just you and me. What if we left home, and left Sam behind?"**

"If I thought that would work, we would have been out the door before you even said that," Jake muttered.

**"It's not something I can run away from, Bella," he whispered. "I would run with you, though, if I could." His shoulders were shaking now, too.**

"Jake, you have got to get out of there. I'm amazed you didn't leave when your hands started shaking," Edward said in amazement.

**He took a deep breath. "Look, I've got to leave." "Why?" "For one thing, you look like you're going to pass out at any second. You need your sleep—I need you firing on all pistols. You're going to figure this out, you have to." "And why else?" He frowned. "I had to sneak out—I'm not supposed to see you. They've got to be wondering where I am."**

"Too bad we already knew, but nice cover up."

**His mouth twisted. "I suppose I should let them know." "You don't have to tell them anything," I hissed. "All the same, I will." The anger flashed hot inside me. "I **_**hate **_**them!" Jacob looked at me with wide eyes, surprised. "No, Bella. Don't hate the guys. It's not Sam's or any of the others' faults. I told you before—it's me. Sam is actually…well, incredibly cool.**

Sam left the house for a few minutes, and came back in with sunglasses on. He popped his collar and said, "Thank you, thank you very much." We were all rolling on the floor, laughing.

**"Jared and Paul are great, too, though.**

"Yeah, until he tries to attack me," I said quietly. Edward's eyes widen in shock.

"**Paul is kind of…And Embry's always been my friend. Nothing's changed there—the **_**only**_** thing that hasn't changed. I feel really bad about the things I used to think about Sam…" Sam was incredibly cool? I glared at him in disbelief. "Then why aren't you supposed to see me?" I demanded. "It's not safe," he mumbled, looking down.**

"I hate to say this Bella, but I agree with Jake on that one," Edward said. "After all, remember how much I tried to stay away from you in the beginning as well?" I nodded.

**His words sent a thrill of fear through me. Did he know **_**that**_**, too? Nobody knew that besides me. But he was right—it was the middle of the night, the perfect time for hunting. **

"Bella, are you serious? That's what you thought I meant?" Jake asked in disbelief.

"At the time, yes."

**Jacob shouldn't be here in my room. If someone came for me, I had to be alone. "If I thought it was too…too risky," he whispered, "I wouldn't have come. But Bella," he looked at me again, "I made you a promise. I had no idea it would be so hard to keep, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to try."**

"Unlike some people," Jake muttered angrily at Edward. Edward let a growl escape. After Jasper calmed them down, I read again.

**He saw the incomprehension in my face. "After that stupid movie," he reminded me. "I promised you that I wouldn't ever hurt you…So I really blew it this afternoon, didn't I?"**

"Yeah, you did, but I guess I'm used to it," I said quietly.

"**I know you didn't want to do it, Jake. It's okay." "Thanks, Bella." He took my hand. "I'm going to do what I can to be here for you, just like I promised." He grinned at me suddenly. The grin was not mine, nor Sam's, but some strange combination of the two. "It would really help if you could figure this out on your own, Bella. Put some honest effort into it.**

"Knowing Bella, she probably does figure it out on her own," Edward commented.

**I made a weak grimace. "I'll try." "And I'll try to see you soon." He sighed. "And they'll try to talk me out of that."**

Jake laughed. "They were trying the whole time I was there, and it didn't work," he said with a grin.

"**Don't listen to them."**

"Do I ever?" Jake asked with his infamous grin.

"**I'll try." He shook his head, as if he doubted his success. "Come and tell me as soon as you figure it out." Something occurred to him just then, something that made his hands shake. "If you…if you **_**want**_** to."**

Emmett rubbed his hands together in excitement. "Ooh, a challenge," he said with a smile.

"**Why wouldn't I want to see you?" His face turned hard and bitter, one hundred percent the face that belonged to Sam. "Oh, I can think of a reason," he said in a harsh tone. "Look, I really have to go. Could you do something for me?" I just nodded, frightened of the change in him. **

"Wow, a rational response," Edward teased with that infamous half-grin on his face.

"**At least call me—if you don't want to see me again. Let me know if it's like that." "That won't happen." He raised one hand, cutting me off. "Just let me know." He stood and headed for the window. "Don't be an idiot, Jake," I complained. "You'll break your leg.**

"I doubt that," Edward commented.

"**Use the door. Charlie's not going to catch you." "I won't get hurt," he muttered, but he turned for the door. He hesitated as he passed me, staring at me with an expression like something was stabbing him. He held one hand, pleading. I took his hand, and suddenly he yanked me—too roughly—right off the bed so that I thudded against his chest. "Just in case," he muttered against my hair, crushing me in a bear hug that about broke my ribs.**

Edward got up and growled at Embry and Quil. I looked at him, extremely confused. "They're singing in their heads, Jake and Bella sitting in a tree!" After one stern look from Sam, Edward noticeably relaxed. Clearly, Sam told them to stop.

"**Can't—breathe!" I gasped. He dropped me at once, keeping one hand at my waist so I didn't fall over. He pushed me, more gently this time, back down on the bed. "Get some sleep, Bells. "You've got to get your head working. I know you can do this. I **_**need**_** you to understand. I won't lose you, Bella. Not for this." He was to the door in one stride, opening it quietly and then disappearing through it. I listened for him to hit the squeaky step in the stairs, but there was no sound.**

"Stupid werewolf," I muttered. Jake chuckled.

**I lay back on my bed, my head spinning. I was too confused, too worn out. I closed my eyes, trying to make sense of it, only to be swallowed up by unconsciousness so swiftly that it was disorienting. It was not the peaceful, dreamless sleep I'd yearned for—of course not. I was in the forest again, and I started to wander the way I always did.**

"Is this where you figured out what I was?" Jake asked. I put my finger to my lips, so I could continue.

**I quickly became aware that this was not the same dream as usual. For one thing, I felt no compulsion to wander or to search; I was merely wandering out of habit, because that was what was usually expected of me here. Actually, this wasn't even the same forest. The smell was different, and the light, too. It smelled, not like the damp earth of the woods, but like the brine of the ocean. I couldn't see the sky; still, it seemed like the sun must be shining—the leaves above were bright jade green.**

"Well then, I guess it's not in Forks," Emmett laughed.

**This was the forest around La Push—near the beach there. I was sure of it. I knew that if I found the beach, I would be able to see the sun, so I hurried forward, following the faint sound of waves in the distance. And then Jacob was there. He grabbed my hand, pulling me back toward the blackest part of the forest.**

"Honestly, I probably would never do that in real life without you knowing what I was first," Jake commented.

"**Jacob, what's wrong?" I asked. His face was the frightened face of a boy, and his hair was beautiful again, swept back into a ponytail on the nape of his neck. He yanked with all his strength, but I resisted; I didn't want to go into the dark. "Run, Bella, you have to run!" he whispered, terrified. The abrupt wave of déjà vu was so strong it nearly woke me up.**

"I'm glad it didn't though," I said quietly. They all looked at me confused. I shook my head, and continued to read. I wasn't going to give away what happens in the dream. I wanted them to see for themselves.

**I knew why I recognized this place now. It was because I'd been here before, in another dream. A million years ago, part of a different life entirely. This was the dream I'd had the night after I'd walked with Jacob on the beach, the first nigh I knew that Edward was a vampire. Reliving that day with Jacob must have dredged this dream out of my buried memories.**

"This has got to be a dream where you figure it out, I just know it," Alice said with a smile. I didn't respond.

**Detached from the dream now, I waited for it to play out. A light was coming toward me from the beach. In just a moment, Edward would walk through the trees, his skin faintly glowing and his eyes black and dangerous. He would beckon to me, and smile. He would be beautiful as an angel, and his teeth would be pointed and sharp… But I was getting ahead of myself. Something else had to happen first. Jacob dropped my hand and yelped. Shaking and twitching, he fell to the ground at my feet.**

Beside me, Edward froze in fear and shock. "It's just a dream, Edward."

"**Jacob!" I screamed, but he was gone. In his place was an enormous, red-brown wolf with dark, intelligent eyes. The dream veered off course, like a train jumping the tracks. This was not the same wolf that I'd dreamed of in another life. This was the great russet wolf I'd stood half a foot from in the meadow, just a week ago. This wolf was gigantic, monstrous, bigger than a bear. This wolf stared intently at me, trying to convey something vital with his intelligent eyes. The black-brown, familiar eyes of Jacob Black. I woke screaming at the top of my lungs.**

"Whoa."

"Intense."

"Frighteningly scary."

These were comments I heard from around the room. I looked up to see everyone's faces matching their reactions. After taking a deep breath, I was able to read again.

**I almost expected Charlie to come check on me that time. This wasn't my usual screaming. I buried my head in my pillow and tried to muffle the hysterics that my screams were building into. I pressed the cotton tight against my face, wondering if I couldn't also somehow smother the connection I'd just made.**

"And you'd wondered why I kept saying I was afraid of losing you if you found out," Jake muttered quietly.

**But Charlie didn't come in, and eventually I was able to strangle the strange screeching coming out of my throat. I remembered it all now—every word that Jacob had said to me that day on the beach, even the part before he got to the vampires, the "cold ones." Especially that first part. **_**"Do you know any of our old stories, about where we came from—Quileutes, I mean?" he asked. "Not really," I admitted."**_

"I have to admit, I remember the story your father told more," I told him. "That was so amazing to hear the full story." Jake grinned.

_**"Well, there are lots of legends, some of them claiming to date back to the Flood—supposedly, the ancient Quileutes had their canoes to the top of the tallest trees on the mountain to survive, like Noah and the ark."**_

__"Cool, we're compared to Noah. I guess we really are an ancient people," Seth said excitedly. I rolled my eyes and laughed.

_**He smiled then, to show me how little stock he put in his histories. "Another legend claims that we descend from wolves—and that the wolves are our brothers still. It's against tribal law to kill them. Then there are the stories about the cold ones."**_

It went deadly silent in the room. The Cullens and the Denalis leaned in closer to listen carefully.

_**His voice dropped a little lower. "The cold ones?" "Yes. There are stories of the cold ones as old as the wolf legends, and some much more recent. According to legend, my own great-grandfather knew some of them. He was the one who made the treaty that kept them off our land." Jacob rolled his eyes.**_

__Eleazer chuckled. "That didn't work out so well, did it?" he asked, looking at the wolves in the room. We laughed.

_**"Your great-grandfather?" "He was a tribal elder, like my father. You see, the cold ones are the natural enemies of the wolf—well, not the wolf really, but the wolves that turned into men, like our ancestors. You would call them werewolves."**_

__I saw Sam eye the other wolves in the room, and next thing we knew it, they all changed form and howled all at once. Once they went back in the other room and got changed, we all cracked up laughing.

_**"Werewolves have enemies?" "Only one."**_ **There was something stuck in my throat, choking me. I tried to swallow it down, but it was lodged there, unmoving. I tried to spit it out. "Werewolf," I gasped.**

"Wow, so you knew without realizing at that point, not only that I was a vampire, but that Jake was also a werewolf," Edward said in amazement. "I definitely did not see that one coming."

**The whole worlds lurched, tilting the wrong way on its axis. What kind of a place **_**was**_** this? Could a world really exist where ancient legends went wandering around the borders of tiny, insignificant towns, facing down mythical monsters? Did this mean every impossible fairy tale was somewhere in absolute truth?**

"For the most part, yes," Carlisle said. I believed him, since he's been around for centuries. I mean, after all, who knows how many experiences he's had with different creatures and monsters?

"Wait, does that mean there really is a Santa Claus??? I want to see him!!!!!" Emmett said with huge eyes, and jumping up and down. We all cracked up laughing.

**Was there anything sane or normal at all, or was everything just magic and ghost stories? I clutched my head in my hands, trying to keep it from exploding.**

"Poor Bella," Esme repeated, yet once again.

**A small, dry voice in the back of my mind asked me what the big deal was. Hadn't I already accepted the existence of vampires long ago—and without all the hysterics that time? Exactly, I wanted to scream back at the voice. Wasn't one myth enough for anyone, enough for a lifetime?**

"Apparently not," Edward muttered.

**Besides, there'd never been one moment that I wasn't completely aware that Edward Cullen was above and beyond the ordinary. It wasn't such a surprise to find out what he was—because he so obviously was **_**something**_**.**

"And when you're dating someone who asks every question in the world to figure out what you are, never mind who is very observant for the most part to begin with, she is likely to figure it out sooner or later," Edward said with a grin.

**But Jacob? Jacob, who was just Jacob, and nothing more than that? Jacob, my friend? Jacob, the only human I'd ever been able to relate to…**

"Yeah, now I remember saying how when we left, you seemed to run off to the first monster you could find. I guess I was right about that," Alice said, shaking her head in amazement.

**And he wasn't even human. I fought the urge to scream again. What did this say about me? I knew the answer to that one. It said that there was something deeply wrong with me. Why else would my life be filled with characters from horror movies?**

"Two words, danger magnet," Edward reminded us.

**Why else would I care so much about them that it would tear big chunks right out of my chest when they went off along with their mythical ways? In my head, everything spun and shifted, rearranging so that things that had meant one thing before, now meant something else. There was no cult. There had never been a cult, never been a gang. No, it was much worse than that. It was a **_**pack.**_

__"Well, at least you see it as a bad thing. When she figured out what we were, she came running to us, wanting to be one," Edward pointed out to the wolves. They shook their heads in amazement.

**A pack of five mind-blowingly gigantic, multihued werewolves that had stalked right past me in Edward's meadow… Suddenly, I was in a frantic hurry. I glanced at the clock—it was way too early and I didn't care. I had to go to La Push **_**now.**_

"Oh, apparently, she ran off to you guys too," Edward said in more amazement.

**I had to see Jacob so he could tell me that I hadn't lost my mind altogether.**

"But we already know that you have," Quil said with a smirk on his face. Jake smacked the back of his head.

**I pulled on the first clean clothes I could find, not bothering to be sure they matched, and took the stairs two at a time. I almost ran into Charlie as I skidded into the hallway, headed for the door.**

"Aww, my clumsy sister at her best," Emmett said with a grin.

**"Where are you going?" he asked, as surprised to see me as I was to see him. "Do you know what time it is?" "Yeah. I have to go see Jacob." **

"No offense, Bella, but telling him that is probably going to confuse the hell out of him," Alice pointed out.

**"I thought the thing with Sam—" "That doesn't matter, I have to talk to him right now." **

"She really doesn't listen when someone tells her to stay away from danger does she?" Tanya asked. Edward and Jake both shook their heads no. I folded my arms across my chest in stubbornness.

**"It's pretty early." He frowned when my expression didn't change. "Don't you want breakfast?" "Not hungry." The words flew through my lips. He was blocking my path to the exit.**

"Smart move, Charlie," Jake told the book. I let a small growl escape.

**I considered ducking around him and making a run for it, but I knew I would have to explain that to him later. "I'll be back soon, okay?" Charlie frowned. "Straight to Jacob's house, right? No stops on the way?" "Of course not, where would I stop?" My words were running together in my hurry.**

"Let me guess, he's thinking about the woods and the attacks probably," Sam pointed out.

**"I don't know," he admitted. "It's just…well, there's been another attack—the wolves again. It was real close to the resort by the hot springs—there's a witness this time. The victim was only a dozen yards from the road when he disappeared. His wife saw a huge gray wolf just a few minutes later, while she was searching for him, and ran for help." My stomach dropped like I'd hit a corkscrew on a roller coaster. "A wolf attacked him?"**

"Err; actually, I was trying to chase Victoria. She was the one who did it," Embry said. We nodded, understanding what he meant.

**There's no sign of him—just a little blood again." Charlie's face was pained. "The rangers are going our armed, taking armed volunteers. There's a lot of hunters who are eager to be involved—there's a reward being offered for wolf carcasses.**

"That could be hard, since all we have to do is change back to human form. Too bad we're not even the ones killing them anyway," Sam said. "It really pisses me off that they think we're the killers."

**"That's going to mean a lot of firepower out there in the forest and it worries me." He shook his head. "When people get too excited, accidents happen…" "They're going to shoot the wolves?" The voice shot through three octaves.**

"Did you break any windows?" Emmett asked with a grin. Esme gave him a stern look, and the smile disappeared.

**"What else can we do? What's wrong?" he asked, his tense eyes studying my face. I felt faint; I must me whiter than usual. **

"That doesn't say much, since if you look at yourself now, it's even worse."

**"You aren't turning into a tree-hugger on me, are you?"**

"Bella, a tree hugger???" Alice asked, in between chuckles.

**I couldn't answer. If he hadn't been watching me, I would have put my head between my knees. I'd forgotten about the missing hikers, the bloody paw prints…I hadn't connected those facts to my first realization. **

"If only you had followed through with believing that they were killers, and then there would have never been a love triangle," Edward muttered. (That one's going out to all the team Edwards in the room, even if I am team Switzerland.)

**"Look, honey, don't let this scare you. Just stay in town or on the highway—no stops—okay?" "Okay," I repeated in a weak voice. "I've got to go." I looked at him closely for the first time, and saw that he had his gun strapped to his waist and hiking boots on.**

Sam's eyes widened. Silence.

**"You aren't going out after the wolves, are you, Dad?" "I've got to help, Bells. People are disappearing." My voice shot up again, almost hysterical now. "No! No, don't go. It's too dangerous!"**

Jacob chuckled. "That is so not the reason you are begging your father not to go."

**"I've got to do my job, kid. Don't be such a pessimist—I'll be fine."**

"At least we know how to cover ourselves up and not let ourselves get exposed," Jasper told off the wolves. Sam growled. Jasper growled back.

"Enough," Esme said. It's amazing how one word can calm down two grown men.

**He turned for the door, and held it open. "You leaving?" I hesitated, my stomach still spinning in uncomfortable loops. What could I say to stop him? I was too dizzy to think of a solution. "Bells?" "Maybe it's too early to go to La Push," I whispered.**

"Yeah, but for wolves, it's never too early or too late for us. We have wolf duty any time of the day.

"I know, but I was afraid that it was you guys who were doing the killings, and I couldn't face the facts.

**"I agree," he said, and he stepped out into the rain, shutting the door behind him. As soon as he was out of sight, I dropped to the floor and put my head between my knees. Should I go after Charlie? What would I say? And what about Jacob? Jacob was my best friend; I needed to warn him. **

"Good old Bella, always looking out for other people more than worrying about herself," Emily said with a smile.

**If he really was a—I cringed and forced myself to think the word—werewolf (and I knew it was true, I could feel it), then people would be shooting at him! I needed to tell him **_**and**_** his friends that people would try to kill them if they went running around like gigantic wolves. I needed to tell them to stop.**

"What are we supposed to run around like, like pansies??" Quil asked confused.

**They had to stop! Charlie was out in the woods. Would they care about that? I wondered…Up until now, only strangers had disappeared. Did that mean anything, or was it just chance? **

"Of course it was just chance. You know it wasn't us," Jake said.

"Now I do, but then, I didn't."

**I needed to believe that Jacob, at least, would care about that. Either way, I had to warn him. Or…did I? Jacob was my best friend, but was he a monster, too?**

"Like that ever mattered to you in the past," Jake muttered.

**A real one? A bad one? **_**Should **_**I warn him, if he and his friends were…were **_**murderers**_**? If they were out slaughtering innocent hikers in cold blood? If they were truly creatures from a horror movie in every sense, would it be wrong to protect them?**

"Well, here's an answer to most of the questions, no, we are not the bad guys, no worse than the Cullens or Denalis," Sam told me.

**It was inevitable that I would have to compare Jacob and his friends to the Cullens. I wrapped my arms around my chest, fighting the hole, while I thought of them. **

"Poor Bella, we left you in a worse state than you were in when we were there," Alice said to me, while glaring at Edward.

**I didn't know anything about werewolves, clearly. **

"Clearly, indeed," Sam said.

**I would have expected something closer to the movies—big hairy half-men creatures or something—if I'd expected anything at all. So I didn't know what made them hunt, whether hunger or thirst or just a desire to kill. It was hard to judge, not knowing them.**

"Well, really. You know that the Cullens are nothing like vampires in movies and books, so why would we be the stereotypical werewolf either? I mean, look at Remus Lupin. I think we're closer to him than the wolfman," Sam said.

**But it couldn't be worse than what the Cullens endured in their quest to be good. I thought of Esme—the tears started when I pictured her kind, lovely face—and how, as motherly and loving as she was, she'd had to hold her nose, all ashamed, and run from me when I was bleeding.**

"Aww, I missed you too. And I'm sorry that I had to do that, but it was to keep you safe," Esme told me. I nodded.

**It couldn't be harder than that. I thought of Carlisle, the centuries upon centuries that he had struggled to teach himself to ignore blood, so that he could save lives as a doctor. Nothing could be harder than **_**that**_**. The werewolves had chosen a different path. Now, what should **_**I**_** choose?**

"It is a very difficult battle that we have to fight, but I have to give it to the Cullens. It is much harder for them, between hiding who they are, and stopping themselves from killing others," Sam said. Carlisle nodded silently at him.

**K guys, chapter's done. What'd you think? I think I find it easier to write the rough chapters, because the comments flow more freely through the chapter. It's harder when there's not a lot going on, but I hope I did a good job. Hope you review, and see you next chapter!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in it. This honor belongs to the great and wonderful Stephanie Meyer.**

**Hey guys. It's me again. Countdown: 4 chapters til Alice 7 til Edward! Anyway, here's the chapter where Bella confronts Jacob about being werewolf, enjoy! Oh, and guess what! We have made it to page 300!!**

Chapter 17 (Chapter 13- Killer)

_**If it was anyone but Jacob,**_** I thought to myself, shaking my head as I drove down the forest-lined highway to La Push. I still wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing, but I'd made a compromise.**

"I guess in a way, it was the right thing, since you found out that we weren't even the killers," Jake said honestly.

**I couldn't condone what Jacob and his friends, his pack, were doing. I understood what he'd said last night—that I might not want to see him again—and I could have called him as he'd suggested, but that felt cowardly.**

"It wouldn't have been such a terrible idea," Edward muttered.

**I owed him a face-to-face conversation, at least. I would tell him to his face that I couldn't just overlook what was going on. I couldn't be friends with a killer and say nothing, let the killing continue…That would make me a monster, too.**

"Well then, I'm glad I'm not a monster," Jake joked.

**But I couldn't **_**not**_** warn him, either. I had to do what I could to protect him. I pulled up to the Blacks' house with my lips pressed together into a hard line. It was bad enough that my best friend was a werewolf. Did he have to be a monster, too?**

"Killer or not, we're still monsters in a way, Bella," Sam pointed out.

**The house was dark, no lights in the windows, but I didn't care if I woke them. My fist thudded against the front door with angry energy; the sound reverberated through the walls.**

"Which, amazingly, didn't even wake Jake," I chuckled. Quil and Embry chuckled.

**"Come in," I heard Billy call after a minute, and a light flickered on. I twisted the knob; it was unlocked. Billy was leaning around an open doorway just off the little kitchen, a bathrobe around his shoulders, not in his chair yet. When he saw who it was, his eyes widened briefly, and then his face turned stoic.**

"Nice to see you too," I muttered quietly. Edward laughed.

**"Well, good morning, Bella. What are you doing up so early?" "Hey, Billy. I need to talk to Jake—where is he?"**

"You know you're not going to get through Billy that easily," Jake commented.

**"Um…I don't really know," he lied, straight-faced.**

"Yeah, that's not going to work on Bella either," Jake continued, while grinning.

**"Do you know what Charlie is doing this morning?" I demanded, sick of the stalling. "Should I?" "He and half the other men in town are all out in the woods with guns, hunting giant wolves."**

"Nice way to stick it to the man, lil' sis," Emmett said with a grin.

**Billy's expression flickered, and then went blank. "So I'd like to talk to Jake about that, if you don't mind," I continued.**

Jake laughed. "That must have put my father into shock." "Although I don't know what put him in shock, the fact that your father was out hunting us, or the fact that you knew about us."

"Probably the second one," I said chuckling.

**Billy pursed his thick lips for a long moment. "I'd bet he's still asleep," he finally said, nodding toward the tiny hallway off the front room. "He's out late a lot these days. Kid needs his rest—probably you shouldn't wake him." "It's my turn," I muttered under my breath as I stalked off to the hallway. Billy sighed.**

"Really dad, did you really think that was going to work??" Jake asked the book incredulously. "This is Bella we're talking about here."

**Jacob's tiny closet of a room was the only door in the yard-long hallway. I didn't bother to knock. I threw the door open; it slammed against the wall with a bang. Jacob—still wearing just the same black cut-off sweats he'd worn last night—was stretched diagonally across the double bed that took up all of his room but a few inches around the edges.**

"Wow, small room," Rose commented. Alice nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, but it's got _character_," Jake grinned.

"Yeah, but where do you keep all your clothes??" Alice asked in amazement.

Edward answered this one, between chuckles. "Not everyone needs as much clothes as you do, Alice." Alice stuck out her tongue and folded her arms in protest.

**Even on a slant, it wasn't long enough; his feet hung off the one end and his head off the other. He was fast asleep, snoring lightly with his mouth hanging open. **

"I wonder if any flies got in," Jasper said with a grin. We all snickered.

**The sound of the door hadn't even made him twitch.**

"Hey Embry, remember all the pranks we've played on Jake because he doesn't wake up to any sounds, not even an alarm clock?" Quil asked with a mischievous grin on his face. Embry nodded eagerly.

"I guess we'll have to teach Nessie here some tricks of the trade when she gets older," Embry answered. Jake just shook his head at them in amazement.

**His face was peaceful with deep sleep, all the angry lines smoothed out. There were circles under his eyes that I hadn't noticed before. Despite his ridiculous size, he looked very young now, and very weary. Pity shook me.**

"I guess, in a way, that's what makes Bella such an amazing friend. She is always caring about others more than herself. She is always eager to please everyone else," Alice smiled.

**I stepped back out, and shut the door quietly behind me. Billy stared with curious, guarded eyes as I walked slowly back into the front room. "I think I'll let him get some rest." Billy nodded, and then we gazed at each other for a minute. I was dying to ask him about his part in this. What did he think of what his son had become? **

"I would guess he thought his son had become a werewolf," Emmett said with a grin on his face.

**But I know how he'd supported Sam from the very beginning, and so I supposed the murders must not bother him. **

"They bothered him, but not for the reason you're thinking of," Jake pointed out.

**How he justified that to himself I couldn't imagine. I could see many questions for me in his dark eyes, but he didn't voice them either. "Look," I said, breaking the loud silence. "I'll be down at the beach for a while. When he wakes up, tell him I'm waiting for him, okay?"**

"Wait a minute, is this the part where you, you know what?" Alice asked cautiously.

"No, that's later in the book. I remember this day very well."

"**Sure, sure," Billy agreed. I wondered if he really would. Well, if he didn't, I'd tried, right? I drove down to First Beach and parked in the empty dirt lot.**

"I find it pretty interesting that you are confronting Jake about being a werewolf at the same place that he first inadvertently told you about werewolves and vampires," Alice pointed out.

**It was still dark—the gloomy predawn of a cloudy day—and when I cut the headlights it was hard to see. I had to let my eyes adjust before I could find the path that led through the tall hedge of weeds. It was colder here, with the wind whipping off the black water, and I shoved my hands deep into my pockets of my winter jacket. At least the rain had stopped.**

"I'm sure for not too long though. It's Forks after all," Tanya teased. "You guys get about as much rain as we do snow."

**I paced down the beach toward the north seawall. I couldn't see St. James or the other islands, just the vague shape of the water's edge. I picked my way carefully across the rocks, watching out for driftwood that might trip me.**

"I wouldn't be surprised," Emmett grinned.

**I found what I was looking for before I realized I was looking for it. It materialized out of the gloom when it was just a few feet away: a long bone-white driftwood tree stranded deep on the rocks. The roots twisted up at the seaward end, like a hundred brittle tentacles. I couldn't be sure that it was the same tree where Jacob and I had had our first conversation—a conversation that begun so many different, tangled threads of my life—but it seemed to be in about the same place.**

"It was the same tree. I thought when I saw you there that you picked it on purpose, and at that point, I knew that you knew," Jake told me.

**Seeing Jake like that—innocent and vulnerable in sleep—had stolen all my revulsion, dissolved all my anger. I still couldn't turn a blind eye to what was happening, like Billy seemed to, but I couldn't condemn Jacob for it either.**

"I'm glad you can't, since we're not _murderers_," Sam reminded me yet again.

**Love didn't work that way. I decided.**

"Love?" Edward questioned.

**Once you cared about a person, it was impossible to be logical about them anymore. Jacob was my friend whether he killed people or not. And I didn't know what I was going to do about that.**

"I wonder if you thought the same about Edward at first," Carlisle said curiously.

"Well, no, because Jake had already told me about your _vegetarian_ ways, so I never viewed you as murderers," I responded.

**When I pictured him sleeping so peacefully, I felt an overpowering urge to **_**protect**_** him. Completely illogical. Illogical or not, I brooded over the memory of his peaceful face, trying to come up with some answer, some way to shelter him, while the sky slowly turned gray. **

"That's what friends are for," Jake said with a smile.

"**Hi, Bella." Jacob's voice came from the darkness and made me jump. It was soft, almost shy, but I'd been expecting some forewarning from the noisy rocks, and so I still startled me. **

"Yeah, I'm a werewolf. The only time I'm noisy is when I HOWLLLLLLLL!!!!" Jake howled. We all snickered.

**I could see his silhouette against the coming sunrise—it looked enormous. "Jake?" He stood several paces away, shifting his weight from foot to foot anxiously. "Billy told me you came by—didn't take you very long, did it? I knew you could figure it out." "Yeah, I remember the right story now," I whispered.**

"It's hard to forget, now that I think about it," I commented.

**It was quiet for a long moment and, though it was still too dark to see well, my skin prickled as if his eyes were searching my face. There must have been enough light for him to read my expression, because when he spoke again, his voice was suddenly acidic. "You could have just called," he said harshly.**

"Yeah, but you know that this is Bella we're talking about. She finds out about a monster, and boom! She runs after that monster," Rose exaggerated.

**I nodded. "I know." Jacob started pacing along the rocks. If I listened very hard, I could just hear the gentle brush of his feet on the rocks behind the sound of the waves. The rocks had clattered like castanets for me. "Why did you come?" he demanded, not halting his angry stride. "I thought it would be better face-to-face."**

"It doesn't matter how long we might have left her, she never changes," Alice said incredulously.

**He snorted. "Oh, much better." "Jacob, I have to warn you—" "About the rangers and the hunters? Don't worry about it. We already know." Don't worry about it?" I demanded in disbelief. "Jake, they've got guns! They're setting traps and offering rewards and—" "We can take care of ourselves," he growled, still pacing.**

"That's an understatement," Emily chuckled.

"**They're not going to catch anything. They're only making it more difficult—they'll start disappearing soon enough." **

"Probably not the smartest thing to say when someone thinks you're the murderer," Alice pointed out.

"**Jake!" I hissed. "What? It's just a fact." My voice was pale with revulsion. "How can you…feel that way? You know these people. Charlie's out there!" The thought made my stomach twist. He came to an abrupt stop. "What more can we do?"**

"Wow, this must have been awkward, coming from someone who thought I was a killer," Jake pointed out, now seeing the scene from my point of view.

**The sun turned the clouds a silvery pink above us. I could see his expression now; it was angry, frustrated, betrayed. "Could you…well, try to **_**not **_**be a….werewolf?" I suggested in a whisper.**

Edward chuckled. "That's about as hard as me not being a _vampire._"

**He threw his hands up in the air. "Like I have a choice about it!" he shouted. "And how would that help anything, if you're worried about people disappearing?" "I don't understand you." He glared at me, his eyes narrowing and his mouth twisting into a snarl. "You know what makes me so mad I could just spit?"**

"The fact that Bella thinks you're a murderer?" Kate suggested. He shook his head and pointed to the book, a way to tell me to continue.

**I flinched away from his hostile expression. He seemed to be waiting for an answer, so I shook my head. "You're such a hypocrite, Bella—there you sit, **_**terrified **_**of me! How is that fair?" His hands shook with anger. **_**"Hypocrite? **_**How does being afraid of a monster make me a hypocrite?"**

"Because you weren't afraid of me," Edward answered for Jake.

"**Ugh!" he groaned, pressing his trembling fists to his temples and squeezing his eyes shut. "Would you listen to yourself?" "What?" He took two steps toward me, leaning over me and glaring with fury. "Well, I'm so sorry that I can't be the **_**right **_**kind of monster for you, Bella. I guess I'm just not as great as a bloodsucker, am I?'**

"No, no you're not," Rose scoffed. Jake growled a little.

**I jumped to my feet and glared back. "No, you're not!" I shouted.**

"That's a little harsh Bella," Edward said to me kindly.

"**It's not what you **_**are**_**, stupid. It's what you **_**do!" **_**"What's that supposed to mean?" he roared, his entire frame quivering with rage. I was entirely taken by surprise when Edward's voice cautioned me. "Be very careful, Bella," his velvet voice warned. "Don't push him too far. You need to calm him down."**

"The voice is right, Bella. You know what will happen if you get him any angrier," Sam pointed out.

"Yeah, but I didn't know that then," I responded.

**Even the voice in my head was making no sense today. I listened to him, though. I would do anything for that voice. "Jacob," I pleaded, making my tone soft and even. "Is it really necessary to **_**kill**_** people, Jacob? Isn't there some other way?**

"Why yes, yes there is," Jake muttered angrily.

"**I mean, if vampires can find a way to survive without murdering people, couldn't you give it a try, too?"**

"Well, since I killed Victoria, I guess not," Jake now said with a smirk. Emmett and Seth snickered.

**He straightened up with a jerk, like my words had sent an electric shock through him. His eyebrows shot up and his eyes stared wide. "Killing people?" he demanded. "What did you think we were talking about?" He wasn't trembling anymore.**

"Well, at least you calmed him down. That's a good sign," Edward said.

**He looked at me with half-hopeful disbelief. **_**I **_**thought we were talking about your disgust for werewolves." "No, Jake, no. It's not that you're a…wolf. That's fine," I promised him, and I knew as I said the words that I meant it.**

Edward chuckled. "Why am I not surprised by that revelation."

**I really didn't care if he turned into a big wolf—he was still Jacob. "If you could just find a way not to hurt people…that's all that upsets me. These are innocent people, Jake, people like Charlie, and I can't just look the other way while you—"**

"Bella did always seem to presume wrong. She thought I was Superman or Spiderman or something like that," Edward continued.

"**Is that all? Really?" he interrupted, a smile breaking across his face. "You're just scared because I'm a murderer? That's the only reason?" **

"Yeah, no big deal," Tanya joked.

"**Isn't that reason enough?" He started to laugh. "Jacob Black, this is **_**so **_**not funny!" "Sure, sure," he agreed, still chortling. He took one long stride and caught me in another vice-tight bear hug.**

"Hmm, I bet you $15 that I'm stronger than you," Emmett smirked at Jake.

"You're on!" They both got up and gave each other the hug of death!! I've never seen such a strong hug, until I saw Jake collapse after a total of 3 minutes and 44 seconds.

"Wow, I guess you won," Jake muttered quietly, as he paid up.

"**You really, honestly don't mind that I morph into a giant dog?" he asked, his voice joyful in my ear.**

"What'd you expect? This is the same girl who became 'vamp girl' by dating a vampire. Of course she wouldn't mind," Emily said, grinning at me.

"**No, I gasped. "Can't—breathe—Jake!" He let me go, but took both my hands. "I'm not a killer, Bella." I studied his face, and it was clear that this was the truth. Relief pulsed through me. "Really?" I asked. "Really," he promised solemnly.**

"I believe you, but who was it that was doing all the killings?" Carlisle asked.

"Victoria," I said blankly. I saw Carlisle go in shock for a few seconds.

**I threw my arms around him. It reminded me of that first day with the motorcycles—he was bigger, though, and I felt even more like a child now. Like that other time, he stroked my hair. "Sorry I called you a hypocrite," he apologized. "Sorry I called you a murderer."**

"What, it's a normal conversation to call each other hypocrites and murderers," Kate teased. We laughed.

**He laughed. I thought of something then, and pulled away from him so that I could see his face. My eyebrows furrowed in anxiety. "What about Sam? And the others?" He shook his head, smiling like a huge burden had been removed from his shoulders. "Of course not. Don't you remember what we call ourselves?"**

"Protectors," Edward remembered.

**The memory was clear—I'd just been thinking of that very day. "Protectors?" "Exactly." "But I don't understand. What's happening in the woods? The missing hikers, the blood?"**

"She does make a good point," Carmen said.

**His face was serious, worried at once. "We're trying to do our job, Bella. We're trying to protect them, \but we're always just a little too late."**

"Stupid evil vampires," Jake muttered quietly and angrily.

**"Protect them from what? Is there really a bear out there, too?" "Bella, honey, we only protect people from one thing—our one enemy. It's the reason we exist—because they do."**

"It's the same reason we kept changing after you left," Sam said to the Cullens.

**I stared at him blankly for one second before I understood. Then the blood drained from my face and a thin, wordless cry of horror broke through my lips. He nodded. "I thought you, of al people, would realize what was really going on."**

"I seriously had no idea up until that point," I said honestly. "I mean, I knew that they were stalking around looking for me, but I hadn't realized they were also draining other people's blood as well for thirst."

**"Laurent," I whispered. "He's still here." Jacob blinked twice, and cocked his head to one side. "Who's Laurent?" I tried to sot out the chaos in my head so that I could answer. "You know—you saw him in the meadow. You were there…"**

"And beat the crap out of him!" Embry exclaimed, giving Jake a high five.

"Well, not only was I trying to protect Bella, but she is my best friend after all. How would you like it if you saw your best friend about to be eaten by a starving vampire?"

**The words came out in a wondering tone as it all sunk in. "You were there, and you kept him from killing me…" "Oh, the black-haired leech?" He grinned, a tight, fierce grin. "Was that his name?" I shuddered. "What were you thinking?" I whispered. "He could have killed you! Jake, you don't realize how dangerous—"**

"Yeah, like that matters! Four or five wolves up against one vampire. What are the odds the wolves would win?" Emmett asked.

"Better odds than you beating a bear in human form," Rose teased. We all laughed.

**Another laugh interrupted me. "Bella, one lone vampire isn't much of a problem for a pack as big as ours. It was so easy, it was hardly even fun!" **

"Wow, and here I thought you hated being a werewolf as much as I hate being a vampire," Edward chuckled.

**"Killing the bloodsucker who was going to kill you. Now, I don't count that towards the whole murder thing," he added quickly. "Vampires don't count as people."**

"Hey, I resent that!" Nessie protested.

"It's okay Nessie. "You're only half," Jake responded. She folded her arms and stuck her tongue out at him. We laughed.

**I could only mouth the words. "You…killed…Laurent?" He nodded. "Well, it was a group effort," he qualified.**

"I wish you could have killed Victoria as well, at the time. Then, we wouldn't have had to deal with that mess last year."

**"Laurent is dead?" I whispered. His expression changed. "You're not upset about that, are you? He was going to kill you—he was going for the kill, Bella, we were sure of that before we attacked. You know that, right?"**

"I don't think that's what she was upset or surprised about," Edward pointed out.

**"I know that. No, I'm not upset—I'm…" I had to sit down. I stumbled back a step until I felt the driftwood against my calves, and then sank down onto it. "Laurent is dead. He's not coming back for me."**

"It's a bit ironic. You don't exactly sound happy about it. I'm lost," Edward said confused.

"I was happy, I was just in shock at the moment," I responded.

**"You're not mad? He wasn't one of your friends or anything, was he?"**

"Not quite," Alice commented.

**"My friends?" I stared up at him, confused and dizzy with relief. I started babbling, my eyes getting moist. "No, Jake. I'm so…so **_**relieved.**_** I thought he was going to find me—I've been waiting for him every night, just hoping that he'd stop with me and leave Charlie alone.**

"Do you know how badly I wish that I knew that beforehand? I wouldn't have worried as badly if I knew he was dead," I said.

**"I've been so frightened, Jacob…But how? He was a vampire! How did you kill him? He was so strong, so hard, like marble…" He sat down next to me and put one arm around me comfortingly. "It's what **_**we're**_** made for, Bella. We're strong, too. I wish you would have told me that you were so afraid. You didn't need to be."**

"Yes she did. Victoria was still out to get her," Emmett said, sticking up for me.

**"You weren't around," I mumbled, lost in thought. "Oh, right." "Wait, Jake—I thought you knew, though. Last night, you said it wasn't safe for you to be in my room. I thought you knew that a vampire might be coming. Isn't that what you were talking about?"**

"Not quite."

**He looked confused for a minute, and then he ducked his head. "No, that's not what I meant." "Then why didn't you think it was safe for you then?"**

"Because I'm a werewolf," he muttered quietly.

**He looked at me with guilt-ridden eyes. "I didn't say it wasn't safe for **_**me**_**. I was thinking of you." "What do you mean?" He looked down and kicked a rock. "There's more than one reason I'm not supposed to be around you, Bella. I wasn't supposed to tell you our secret, for one thing, but the other part is that it's not safe for **_**you.**_

"Well, as usual, she figured a way around not having you reveal your secret," Edward commented.

**"If I get too mad…too upset…you might get hurt." I thought about that carefully. "When you were mad before…when I was yelling at you…and you were shaking…?" "Yeah."**

"Exactly," Edward agreed.

"Coming from the man who dated a human," Jake retorted back.

**His face dropped even lower. "That was pretty stupid of me. I have to keep a better hold on myself. I swore I wasn't going to get mad, no matter what you said to me. But…I just got so upset that I was going to lose you…that you couldn't deal with what I am."**

"Yeah, but getting mad comes in handy from time to time. As in when you got mad when Paul did what he did, and it helped me a lot," I told him. I saw Edward read Jake's mind. Edward looked shocked. _Paul_? He mouthed to me. I nodded.

**"What would happen…if you got too mad?" I whispered. "I'd turn into a wolf," he whispered back. "You don't need a full moon?" He rolled his eyes. "Hollywood's version doesn't get much right."**

"They're pretty inaccurate about what vampires a like in real life also," Carlisle commented.

**Then he sighed, and was serious again. "You don't need to be so stressed out, Bells. We're going to take care of this. And we're keeping a special eye on Charlie and the others—we won't let anything happen to him. Trust me on that." Something very, very obvious, something I should have grasped at once—but I'd been so distracted by the idea of Jacob and his friends fighting with Laurent, that I'd completely missed it at the time—occurred to me only then, when Jacob used the present tense again.**

"Yeah, Bella did always seem to be slow on the intake," Embry teased. Jake whacked him over the head.

_**We're going to take care of this.**_** It wasn't over. "Laurent is dead," I gasped, and my entire body went ice cold. **

"Turning into a vampire now, are we?" Carlisle joked. I laughed.

**"Bella?" Jacob asked anxiously, touching my ashen cheek. "If Laurent died…a week ago…then someone else is killing people **_**now.**_**"**

It went really quiet in the room, and the humor and joking from a few minutes ago quickly died down. There was a somber feeling in the room, which meant we all remembered what we had to go through to kill Victoria, and her band of evil newborns.

**Jacob nodded; his teeth clenched together, and he spoke through them. "There were two of them. We thought his mate would want to fight us—in our stories, they usually get pretty pissed off if you kill your mate—but she keeps running away, and then coming back again.**

"Problem is, Laurent was not her mate," Carlisle pointed out. "She was seeking revenge on Bella, and she was seeking revenge on her because James was her mate. When Edward killed James, she considered killing Bella "mate-for-mate." The wolves nodded quietly.

**"If we could figure out what she was after, it would be easier to take her down. But she makes no sense.**

"Yes she does, because it's not you guys she was after, until you guys settled with teaming up with us later on."

**"She keeps dancing around the edge, like she's testing our defenses, looking for a way in—but **_**in **_**where? Where does she want to go? Sam thinks she's trying to separate us, so she'll have a better chance…" His voice faded until it sounded like it was coming through a long tunnel; I couldn't make out the individual words anymore.**

"I'm guessing you were in too much shock to even think straight at this point, now that I look at it from your point of view," Jake guessed. I nodded quietly, and continued.

**My forehead dewed with sweat and my stomach rolled like I had the stomach flu again. Exactly like I had the flu.**

"As long as it's not the swine flu. You don't even know how difficult it is to work in the hospital right now. There are so many cases, that we've had many scares. Luckily, there haven't been any cases here yet."

**I turned away from him quickly, and leaned over the tree trunk. My body convulsed with useless heaves, my empty stomach contracting with horrible nausea, though there was nothing in it to expel.**

"Great, now we're getting the graphics of how we feel, _gross_," Emmett commented, disgusted by the description.

**Victoria was here. Looking for me. Killing strangers in the woods. The woods where Charlie was searching… My head spun sickeningly.**

"Wow, never mind about that last comment. I don't think I blame you for feeling that way," Emmett said honestly.

**Jacob's hands caught my shoulders—kept me from sliding forward onto the rocks. I could feel his hot breath on my cheek. "Bella! What's wrong?" "Victoria," I gasped as soon as I could catch my breath around the nauseous spasms. In my head, Edward snarled in fury at the name. **

Apparently he was snarling right next to me as well.

**I felt Jacob pull up from my slump. He draped me awkwardly across his lap, laying my limp head against his shoulder. He struggled to balance me, to keep me from sagging over, one way or the other. He brushed the sweaty hair back from my face. "Who?" Jacob asked.**

"Oh trust me, I definitely know who she is now, seeing as I helped kill her," Jake said with a grin.

**"Can you hear me, Bella? Bella?" "She wasn't Laurent's mate," I moaned into his shoulder. "They were just old friends…" "Do you need some water? A doctor? Tell me what to do," he demanded, frantic.**

"There's not much you can do for that kind of shock," Carlisle told him.

**"I'm not sick—I'm scared," I explained in a whisper. The word **_**scared**_** didn't really seem to cover it.**

"I'm sure it didn't," Edward muttered quietly.

**Jacob patted my back. "Scared of this Victoria?" I nodded, shuddering. "Victoria is the red-haired female?" I trembled again, and whimpered. "Yes."**

"Poor Bella," Alice cooed.

**"How do you know she wasn't his mate?" "Laurent told me James was his mate," I explained, automatically flexing the hand with the scar. He pulled my face around, holding it steady in his big hand. He stared intently into my eyes. "Did he tell you anything else, Bella? This is important. Do you know what she wants?"**

"Yeah, I know what else he told you guys. He said he was coming to live with us, that stupid traitor!" Tanya exclaimed with anger in her voice and eyes.

"Tanya, relax. We're all upset over what he did, but we can't change that now, can we?" Eleazer said calmly. After a few deep breaths, she calmed down.

**"Of course," I whispered. "She wants **_**me." **_**His eyes flipped wide, then narrowed into slits. "Why?" he demanded. "Edward killed James," I whispered. Jacob held me so tightly that there was no need for me to clutch at the hole—he kept me in one piece. **

"Yeah, until _Edward_ came back," Jake sneered.

"Cool it Jake," I told him snidely. "Remember, you have Nessie now. No need for getting angry."

**"She did get…pissed off. But Laurent said she thought it was fairer to kill me than Edward. Mate for mate. She didn't know—still doesn't know, I guess—that…that…" I swallowed hard. "That things aren't like that with us anymore. Not for Edward, anyway."**

"Well, it's a good thing I came back, then. Because if it wasn't for me, you might have been dead by now, with Vitoria on the loose," Alice said.

**Jacob was distracted by that, his face torn between several different expressions. "Is this what happened? Why the Cullens left?"**

"That was only part of the reason we left," Edward responded.

**"I'm nothing but a human, after all. Nothing special, I explained, shrugging weakly.**

"Bella, you are _so_ much more than that," Edward reminded me. "Even when you were human."

**Something like a growl—not a real growl, just a human approximation—rumbled in Jacob's chest under my ear. "If that idiot bloodsucker is honestly stupid enough—"**

"Yes, yes he was that stupid," Alice said snidely. Edward growled, but then put his head down in shame. He knew he was defeated.

**"Please," I moaned. "Please. Don't."**

"You have no idea how close he came to killing you guys," Sam pointed out.

"Until I realized that she wasn't changed, and then changed sides while you guys wanted to kill them all!" Jake exclaimed angrily at Sam. It went really quiet for a few minutes. Once things calmed down, I read again.

**Jacob hesitated, then nodded once. "This is important," he said, his face all business now. "This is exactly what we needed to know. We've got to tell the others right away." He stood, pulling me to my feet. He kept two hands on my waist until he was sure I wasn't going to fall.**

"Well, with Bella. You can never be sure if she can fall or not," Emmett said with a smirk. I stuck my tongue out at him.

**"I'm okay," I lied. He traded his hold on my waist for one of my hands. "Let's go." He pulled me back toward the truck. "Where are we going?" I asked. "I'm not sure yet," he admitted. "I'll call a meeting. Hey, wait here for just a minute, okay?" he leaned me against the side of the truck and released my hand. "Where are you going?" "I'll be right back," he promised. **

My eyes widened, now remembering what was about to go down. Jacob looked at me for a second, in confusion, and the realization came across his face. His mouth dropped, and mouthed _uh oh. _Edward was not going to like the next chapter.

**Then he turned and sprinted through the parking lot, across the road, and into the bordering forest. He flitted into the trees, swift and sleek as a deer. Jacob!" I yelled after him hoarsely, but he was already gone. It was not a good time to be left alone. Seconds after Jacob was out of sight, I was hyperventilating.**

"Nice, Jake. Real nice! You leave her panicking and scared out of her mind!" Edward shouted.

"What was I supposed to do?? Bella just gave me vital information that needed to be reported back to Sam. Plus, I was coming back for her. Although, now that I look at it, I should have done that after Bella went home. Then, she would have never found herself in the trouble she gets into next chapter." Edward looked confused.

"You'll see, just keep reading the book."

**I dragged myself into the cab of the truck, and mashed the locks down at once. It didn't make me feel any better. Victoria was already hunting me. It was just luck that she hadn't found me yet—just luck and five teenage werewolves.**

"If it was just luck, then you should find yourself extremely lucky," Alice pointed out.

**I exhaled sharply. Not matter what Jacob said, the thought of him coming anywhere close to Victoria was horrifying. I didn't care what he could turn into when he got mad. I could see her in my head, her face wild, her hair like flames, deadly, indestructible… But, according to Jacob, Laurent was gone. Was that really possible?**

"Yes, it is. If it weren't possible, then we wouldn't have been able to help you kill Victoria, because we would probably all be dead."

**Edward—I clutched automatically at my chest—had told me how difficult it was to kill a vampire. Only another vampire could do the job. Yet Jake said this was what werewolves were made for…**

"We're not allowed to explain it, not even Carlisle knows how we do it. However, we did kill him, and you should be thankful," Sam pointed out.

"I'm extremely grateful for all you have done." (K honestly, it's never mentioned in the books exactly how they killed him, and I couldn't come up with anything lmao!)

**He said they were keeping a special eye on Charlie—that I should trust the werewolves to keep my father safe. How could I trust that? None of us were safe! Jacob the very least of all, if he was trying to put himself between Victoria and Charlie…between Victoria and me.**

"I would do it in a heartbeat," Jake said.

**I felt like I might be about to throw up again. A sharp rap on the truck's window made me yelp in terror—but it was just Jacob, back already. "You're really scared, aren't you?" he asked as he climbed in. I nodded. "Don't be. We'll take care of you—and Charlie, too. I promise." "The idea of you finding Victoria is scarier than the idea of her finding me," I whispered.**

Edward lightly chuckled. "It's a little hard to see how that's scarier, seeing as he is a protector of humans, and the enemy of vampires," he said.

**He laughed. "You've got to have a little more confidence in us than that. It's insulting."**

"I agree," Quil said, playfully wiping fake tears from his eyes.

**I just shook my head. I'd seen too many vampires in action. "Where did you go just now?" I asked. He pursed his lips, and said nothing. "What? Is it a secret?" He frowned. "Not really. It's kind of weird, though. I don't want to freak you out."**

"Well, bad move. You know how easily she spooks. You have to be careful," Edward reminded him.

**"I'm sort of used to weird by this point, you know." I tried to smile without much success. Jacob grinned back easily. "Guess you'd have to be. Okay. See, when we're wolves, we can…hear each other." **

"Why does everyone have to be mind readers around here?" Tanya teased. We laughed.

**My eyebrows pulled down in confusion. "Not hear sounds, he went on, "but we can hear…**_**thoughts**_**—each other's anyway—no matter how far away from each other we are. It really helps when we hunt, but it's a big pain otherwise. It's embarrassing—having no secrets like that. Freaky, eh?"**

"You know what's the worst?" Seth asked. "When one of you guys is intimate with your imprintee, and you transform to wolf to show off your moves, and then we have to hear it all!" The wolves all shuddered, while we chuckled.

"You should be so lucky. I can hear everything in people's heads all the time, and sometimes you don't want to hear the thoughts of my brothers here." Emmett grinned evilly at Edward. Edward just shook his head in amazement.

**"Is that what you meant last night, when you said you would tell them you'd seen me, even though you didn't want to?" "You're quick."**

"Very," Edward pointed out.

**"Thanks." "You're also very good with weird. I thought that would bother you."**

"Trust me, it takes a lot to weird or freak Bella out," Edward continued.

**"It's not…well, you're not the first person I've known who could do that. So it doesn't seem so weird to me." "Really?...Wait—are you talking about your bloodsuckers?" "I wish you wouldn't call them that."**

"I don't anymore," Jake responded, grinning down at Nessie, then back at me.

**He laughed. "Whatever. The Cullens, then?" "Just…just Edward." I pulled one arm surreptitiously around my torso. Jacob looked surprised—unpleasantly so. "I thought those were just stories. I've heard legends about vampires who could do…extra stuff, but I thought that was just a myth."**

"Nope," Edward said.

"Definitely not," Alice replied.

"And I can prove that," Eleazer said. I mean, after all, Eleazer did have the tendency of being able to read other people's powers. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have known I was a shield, and we would probably have been killed by the Volturi on that infamous day in the clearing.

**"Is anything just a myth anymore?" I asked him wryly. He scowled. "Guess not. Okay, we're going to meet Sam and the others at the place we go to ride our bikes."**

Now I saw Embry and Sam both freeze up, eyes wide in shock.

"What is going on here? I'm feeling shock between Embry, Jake, Sam, and you? What happens next chapter??" Jasper demanded. None of us answered. After a few minutes of silence, I continued quietly.

**I started the truck and headed back up the road. "So did you just turn into a wolf now, to talk to Sam?" I asked, curious. Jacob nodded, seeming embarrassed. "I kept it real short—I tried not to think about you so they wouldn't know what was going on. I was afraid Sam would tell me I couldn't bring you."**

"I wish he did tell me that," Jake muttered.

**"That wouldn't have stopped me." I couldn't get rid of my perception of Sam as the bad guy. My teeth clenched together whenever I heard his name. "Well, it would have stopped **_**me," **_**Jacob said, morose now. "Remember how I couldn't finish my sentence last night? How I couldn't just tell you the whole the story?"**

"It's the same reason I couldn't directly tell you what I was either," Edward reminded me.

**"Yeah. You looked like you were choking on something." He chuckled darkly. "Close enough. Sam told me I couldn't tell you. He's…the head of the pack, you know. He's the Alpha. When he tells us to do something, or not to do something—when he really means it, well, we can't just ignore him."**

"Yeah, it's weird. It's like, if he gives us a command, our body will automatically obey it, whether we want to or not," Seth pointed out.

**"Weird," I muttered. "Very," he agreed. "It's kind of a wolf thing." "Huh" was the bets response I could think of. "Yeah, there's a load of stuff like that—wolf things. I'm still learning. I can't imagine what it was like for Sam trying to deal with this alone. It sucks bad enough to go through it with a whole pack for support."**

"I've got one word to describe how it felt, _miserable," _Sam said. "You can't imagine how difficult it was. But the elders knew what I was going through, and helped assist me get through the beginning stages when I felt like no one else could help me. I didn't know where to turn to, I was scared, and I couldn't go home. I couldn't face my family like this. It was a very scary situation." It was silent for a few moments.

**"Sam was alone?" "Yeah." Jacob's voice lowered. "When I…changed, it was the most…**_**horrible**_**, the most **_**terrifying**_** thing I've ever been through—worse than anything I could have imagined. But I wasn't alone—there were the voices there, in my head, telling me what had happened and what I had to do.**

"That must have been quite the shock," Carlisle commented. Jake nodded.

**"That kept me from losing my mind, I think. But Sam…" He shook his head. "Sam had no help." This was going to take some adjusting. When Jacob explained it like that, it was hard not to feel compassion for Sam. I had to keep reminding myself that there was no reason to hate him anymore.**

"Wow." I heard that word come from of my family's mouths.

"On behalf of the family, I have to say, I'm sorry for causing this to even happen in the first place. I'm not sure whose transformations are worse, but I would think it's yours. Because your transformation never ends, there will always be pain. It must be very difficult," Carlisle said.

**"Will they be angry that I'm with you?" I asked. He made a face. "Probably." **

"You have no idea how angry they will be," Jake told the me in the book.

**"Maybe I shouldn't—" "No, it's okay," he assured me. "You know a ton of things that can help us. It's not like you're just some ignorant human. You're like a…I don't know, spy or something. You've been behind enemy lines."**

"Once you go vamp, you never go back," Alice said with a grin on her face. I laughed hard.

**I frowned to myself. Was that what Jacob would want from me? Insider information to help them destroy these enemies? I wasn't a spy, though. I hadn't been collecting that kind of information. Already, his words made me feel like a traitor.**

"Bella is not a traitor. She would never rat out our family!" Emmett stood up for me.

**But I wanted him to stop Victoria, didn't I? No. I **_**did**_** want Victoria to be stopped, preferably before she tortured me to death or ran into Charlie or killed another stranger. I just didn't want Jacob to be the one to stop her, or rather to try. I didn't want Jacob within a hundred miles of her.**

"You have got to love Bella," Edward chuckled. "She is always caring about the other person, even if it's illogical."

**"Like the stuff about the mind-reading bloodsucker," he continued, oblivious to my reverie. "That's the kind of thing we need to know about. That really sucks that **_**those**_** stories are true. It makes everything more complicated. Hey, do you think this Victoria can do anything special?" "I don't think so," I hesitated, and then sighed. **

"Oh she can do something special, all right. She has the ability to be COMPLETELY INSANE AND PISS EVERYONE OFF AT THE SAME TIME!!!!" Emmett shouted.

**"He? Oh, you mean Edward—oops, sorry. I forgot. You don't like to say his name. Or hear it." I squeezed my midsection, trying to ignore the throbbing around the edges of my chest. "Not really, no." "Sorry." **

I grinned. "Now I don't mind it at all. I could say it all day long. Edward, Edward, Edward," I continued. Edward chuckled.

**"How do you know me so well, Jacob? Sometimes it's like you can read my mind." "Naw. I just pay attention." We were on the little dirt road where Jacob had first taught me to ride the motorcycle. "This good?" I asked. "Sure, sure." I pulled over and cut the engine. "You're still pretty unhappy, aren't you?" he murmured.**

"I don't blame her, she's terrified of Victoria," Carmen said.

**I nodded, staring unseeingly into the gloomy forest. "Did you ever think…that maybe…you're better off?" I inhaled slowly, and then let my breath out. "No." "Cause he wasn't the best—" "Please, Jacob," I interrupted, begging in a whisper. "Could we please not talk about this? I can't stand it."**

I felt Edward smile his crooked smile beside me.

**"Okay." He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I said anything." "Don't feel bad. If things were different, it would be nice to finally be able to talk to someone about it." He nodded. "Yeah, I had a hard time keeping a secret from you for two weeks. It must be hell to not be able to talk to **_**anyone**_**." "Hell," I agreed.**

"You have no idea how hard it was at points."

**Jacob sucked in a sharp breath. "They're here. Let's go." "Are you sure?" I asked while he popped his door open. "Maybe I shouldn't be here."**

"After what happens, I agree," Jake responded.

**"They'll deal with it, he said, and then he grinned. "Who's afraid of the big, bad wolf?" **

Emmett started singing again. I think you could figure out what he was singing this time. Rose just shook her head in amazement at her husband. Once his horrifyingly bad singing was done, I was able to read again.

**"Ha, ha," I said. But I got out of the truck, hurrying around the front end to stand close beside Jacob. I remembered only too clearly the giant monsters in the meadow. My hands were trembling like Jacob's had been before, but with fear rather than rage. Jake took my hand and squeezed it. "Here we go."**

**And that's the chapter. What'd you think. Did you like how I built up the anger and fear of the Cullens witnessing the next chapter? Who knows how bad Edward is going to react next chapter? I guess it's a good thing Paul isn't there at the house, or there would be some real bad stuff going down. K, so hope you enjoyed it. Please review, and I'll see you next chapter.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in the stories.**

**Hey guys, well I guess now that we got through a few light chapters, most of the chapters from here on out are getting heavier and heavier. By the way, I am so posting on the weekends from now on. I got 8 reviews in 2 days, when the last chapter I only had 5 reviews all together, so expect updates on weekends from now on. I would like to take this time to thank all of my reviewers, and I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

Chapter 18 (Chapter 14- family)

I took a deep breath before I began the next chapter. I knew this was going to probably cause some drama in the room.

**I cowered into Jacob's side, my eyes scanning the forest for the other werewolves. When they appeared, striding out from between the trees, they weren't what I was expecting.**

"Wait, let me guess. You were expecting us to come out in wolf form, weren't you?" Sam asked. I nodded. "Do you really think that would have been safe?" I shook my head. I guess that made sense.

**I'd gotten the image of the wolves stuck in my head. There were just four really big half-naked boys.**

"If they weren't werewolves, and if I were single, that would make me go nuts in excitement," Rose commented. We laughed.

**Again, they reminded me of brothers, quadruplets. Something about the way they moved almost in synchronization to stand across the road from us, the way they all had the same long, round muscles under the same red-brown skin, the same cropped black hair, and the way their expression altered at exactly the same moment.**

"Hey Sam, maybe we really are quadruplets, or now, wait what's the word for 16 twins," Embry said. We all laughed.

**They started out curious and cautious. When they saw me there, half-hidden beside Jacob, they all became furious at the same second. Sam was still the biggest, though Jacob was getting close to catching up with him. Sam didn't really count as a boy. His face was older—not in the sense of lines or signs of aging, but in the maturity, the patience of his expression.**

"It's one of the reasons I'm the alpha. Yes, it also has to do with genes, but the fact that I am patient makes me a good and calm leader."

**"What have you done, Jacob?" he demanded. One of the others, one I didn't recognize—Jared or Paul—thrust past Sam and spoke before Jacob could defend himself. "Why can't you just follow the rules, Jacob?" he yelled, throwing his arms in the air. "What the hell are you thinking? Is she more important—than the whole tribe? Than the people getting killed?"**

It went really quiet in the room. There were a few mutters here and there, but it was an eerie silence. The kind of silence when people know what's going to happen.

**"She can help," Jacob said quietly. "Help!" the angry boy shouted. His arms begin to quiver. **

I saw Edward's eyes widen.

**"Oh, that's likely! I'm sure the leech-lover is just **_**dying **_**to help us out!" "Don't talk about her like that!" Jacob shouted back, stung by the boy's criticism. A shudder rippled through the other boy, along his shoulders and down his spine.**

I swear, Edward's eyes were about to bulge out of his sockets. He was also growling fiercely. I looked at Jasper desperately, who then sent a wave of calm. However, Edward's hands were still in fists.

**"Paul! Relax!" Sam commanded. Paul shook his head back and forth, not in defiance, but as though he were trying to concentrate. "Jeez, Paul," one of the other boy—probably Jared—muttered. "Get a grip."**

"Yeah, seriously," Edward muttered quietly.

**Paul twisted his head toward Jared, hip lips curling back in irritation. Then he shifted his glare in my direction. Jacob took a step to put himself in front of me.**

"Smart move," Carlisle said.

**That did it. "Right, protect **_**her**_**!" Paul roared in outrage. Another shudder, a convulsion heaved through his body. He threw his head back, a real growl tearing from between his teeth.**

A heard a massive gasp from the rest of the Cullens. All of their eyes were bulging out of the sockets as well, and I'm sure that if they had hearts, the hearts would be leaping out of their chests right now.

**"Paul!" Sam and Jacob shouted together. Paul seemed to fall forward, vibrating violently. Halfway to the ground, there was a loud ripping noise, and the boy exploded. Dark silver fur blew out from the boy, coalescing into a shape more than five-times his size—a massive, crouched shape, ready to spring.**

Edward and Alice got up on their feet at once, in rage. "HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN?" Edward asked furiously.

"NOW YOU KNOW WHY I DIDN'T LIKE YOU HANGING OUT WITH WOLVES IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!" Alice shouted. Sam stood up and said.

"I couldn't do anything about it. I tried to stop him. To calm him down. It was his decision to burst out of his clothes and into his wolf form. I am truly sorry. We couldn't do anything about it when he changed." Edward, Alice, and Emmett were all now standing and growling at Jake and Sam.

"Carlisle, take Jake and Sam into the other room for a few minutes. I don't want anything to happen with all the anger in the room right now," Esme ordered Carlisle.

Once they were in the other room, it went very quiet. Once everything calmed down, Sam and Jake came back in and cautiously took a seat.

"Paul really has got some temper on him, huh? It reminds me of when he nearly attacked Emmett for almost crossing the line," Edward said after he calmed down.

**The wolf's muzzle wrinkled back over his teeth, and another growl rolled through his colossal chest. His dark, enraged eyes focused on me. In the same second, Jacob was running across the road straight for the monster. "Jacob," I screamed. Mid-stride, a long tremor shivered down Jacob's spine. He leaped forward, diving headfirst into the empty air. With another sharp tearing sound, Jacob exploded, too. He burst out of his skin—shreds of black and white cloth blasted up into the air.**

"Wow, I'm glad you did it that quickly. Bella was very lucky that you were there," Carlisle complimented Jake.

**It happened so quickly that if I'd blinked, I'd have missed the entire transformation. One second it was Jacob diving into the air, and then it was the gigantic, russet brown wolf—so enormous that I couldn't make sense of its mass somehow fitting inside Jacob—charging the crouched silver beast. Jacob met the other werewolf's attack head-on. Their angry snarls echoed like thunder off the trees.**

"I wish I could have gotten in some of that action," Emmett grinned.

**The black and white scraps—the remains of Jacob's clothes—fluttered to the ground where he'd disappeared. "Jacob!" I screamed again, staggering forward.**

"It's probably a better idea to stay still, Bella. You don't want to get in the middle of a wolf fight," Edward reminded me.

**"Stay where you are, Bella," Sam ordered. It was hard to hear him over the roar of the fighting wolves. They were snapping and tearing at each other, their sharp teeth flashing toward each other's throat.**

"None of this would have happened if you had been smart and stayed away when you figured out he was a vampire," Alice told me.

**The Jacob-wolf seemed to have the upper hand—he was visibly bigger than the other wolf, and it looked like he was stronger, too. He rammed his shoulder against the gray wolf again and again, knocking him back toward the trees. "Take her to Emily's," Sam shouted toward the other boys, who were watching the conflict with rapt expressions.**

"Smartest idea all day," Edward muttered through snarling teeth.

**Jacob had successfully shoved the gray wolf off the road, and they were disappearing into the forest, though the sound of their snarls was still loud. Sam ran after them, kicking off his shoes on the way. As he darted into the trees, he was quivering from head to toe.**

"Not only am I grateful for Jake being there, I'm grateful for you being there as well, Sam. If it wasn't for you, one of them might have gotten killed or something. I couldn't let that happen on my expense," I told Sam.

**The growling and snapping was fading into the distance. Suddenly, the sound cut off and it was very quiet on the road. One of the boys started laughing. **

"They're growling and attacking, and you're laughing it off???" Edward asked incredulously.

"Well, honestly, we're wolves. Do you really think that there's going to be any real damage? Besides, Paul deserved it," Embry responded. Edward shrugged and chuckled a little.

**I turned to stare at him—my wide eyes felt frozen, like I couldn't even blink them. The boy seemed to be laughing at my expression. "Well, there's something you don't see every day," he snickered. **

"Yeah, maybe every other day," Seth chuckled.

**His face was vaguely familiar—thinner than the others…Embry Call. "I do," the other boy, Jared grumbled. "Every single day."**

"Maybe twice a day," Quil snickered.

**"Aw, Paul doesn't lose his temper **_**every **_**day," Embry disagreed, still grinning. "Maybe two out of the three."**

Now all the wolves were laughing. "He really did have what was coming to him," Jake pointed out.

**Jared stopped to pick something white up off the ground. He held it up toward Embry; it dangled in limp strips from his hand. "Totally shredded," Jared said. "Billy said this was the last pair he could afford-guess Jacob's going barefoot now."**

"Gee, thanks _dad!_" Jake exaggerated.

**"This one survived," Embry said, holding up a white sneaker. "Jake can hop," he added with a laugh.**

The pack snickered.

"Gotta love the support I get from the rest of the pack," Jake commented, shaking his head in amazement.

**Jared started collecting various pieces of fabric from the dirt. "Get Sam's shoes, will you? All the rest of this is headed for the trash."**

"Exactly how many pairs of shoes and shirts have you guys gone through??" Alice chuckled.

"You don't wanna know," Sam responded, chuckling as well.

**Embry grabbed the shoes and then jogged into the trees where Sam had disappeared. He was back in a few seconds with a pair of cut-off jeans draped over his arm. Jared gathered the torn remnants of Jacob's and Paul's clothes and wadded them into a ball. Suddenly, he seemed to remember me. He looked at me carefully, assessing. "Hey, you're not going to faint or puke or anything?" he demanded.**

"This girl has hung out with and dated a vampire. Do you _really_ think she's going to faint from the sight of wolves fighting?" Emmett stuck up for me.

**"I don't **_**think **_**so," I gasped. "You don't look so good. Maybe you should sit down." "Okay," I mumbled. For the second time in one morning, I put my head between my knees.**

"Poor Bella," Edward said.

**"Jake should have warned us," Embry complained. "He shouldn't have brought his girlfriend into this. What did he expect?"**

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY GIRLFRIEND????" Edward shouted.

Silence

Silence.

Wave of calmness filling air. K, now I can read again.

**"Well, the wolf's out of the bag now." Embry sighed. "Way to go, Jake."**

"Hey, it wasn't my fault if she figured it out!"

"Yeah, but you didn't exactly help. You pushed her to remember the story," Sam pointed out. Jake went quiet.

**I raised my head to glare at the two boys who seemed to be taking this all so lightly. "Aren't you worried about them at all?" I demanded.**

Jake chuckled. "Do you ever worry about yourself?"

**Embry blinked once in surprise. "Worried? Why?" "They could hurt each other!" Embry and Jared guffawed. "I **_**hope**_** Paul gets a mouthful of him," Jared said. "Teach him a lesson."**

"Hey Jasper, I bet you $20 Jake would win this one, hands down," Emmett pushed Jasper.

"Make it $30, I've seen Paul fight."

"You're on!"

**I blanched. "Yeah, right!" Embry disagreed. "Did you **_**see**_** Jake? Even Sam couldn't have phased on the fly like that. He saw Paul losing it, and it took him, what, half a second to attack? The boy's got a gift." "Paul's been fighting longer. I'll bet you ten bucks he leaves a mark." "You're on. Jake's a natural. Paul doesn't have a prayer."**

"Wow, déjà vu," Edward laughed.

**They shook hands, grinning. I tried to comfort myself with their lack of concern, but I couldn't drive the brutal image of the fighting werewolves from my head. My stomach churned, sore and empty, my head ached with worry. "Let's go see Emily. You know she'll have food waiting." **

"Great, I'm only good for the food, I guess," Emily said sarcastically. Embry grinned at her.

**Embry looked down at me. "Mind giving us a ride?" "No problem," I choked. Jared raised one eyebrow. "Maybe you'd better drive, Embry. She still looks like she might hurl." "Good idea. Where are the keys?" Embry asked me. "Ignition." Embry opened the passenger-side door. "In you go," he said cheerfully, hauling me up from the ground with one hand and stuffing me into my seat.**

"Always the gentleman," Jake chuckled.

**"You'll have to ride in the back," he told Jared. "That's fine. I got a weak stomach. I don't want to be in there when she blows." "I bet it's tougher than that. She runs with vampires." **

"Exactly what I said," Emmett pointed out.

**"Five bucks?" Jared asked. "Done. I feel guilty, taking your money like this." Embry got in and started the engine while Jared leapt agilely into the bed.**

"Hey, did someone say my name?" asked a voice from outside on the porch. Next thing we know it, Jared and Paul walked in the door.

"Hey, what's all this talk about some book about all of us?" Paul asked, plopping himself on the floor in front of the giant couch where the rest of the wolves sat. I showed him the book, and explained.

"Cool!" Jared exclaimed. "So what are we up to in the book?" It got really quiet for a moment.

"Umm… well,…we're sort of, well…up to the part…where, um, Paul and Jake fight," I stuttered over my words quietly. It went really quiet. After a few moments to let Paul calm down, I read again.

**As soon as his door was closed, Embry muttered to me, "Don't throw up, okay? I've only got a ten, and if Paul got his teeth into Jacob…"**

"Great, so they're betting on who's going to win the fight. Real nice spot to walk in on," Paul muttered.

**"Okay," I whispered. Embry drove us back toward the village. "Hey, how did Jake get around the injunction anyway?"**

"Yeah! I've been wondering that too!" Paul exclaimed excitedly.

**"The…what?" "Er, the order. You know, to not spill the beans. How did he tell you about this?" "Oh, that," I said, remembering Jacob trying to choke out the truth to me last night. "He didn't. I guessed right."**

Paul chuckled. "That figures. Wait, let me guess. That's how you figured out Edward's secret also, right?" I nodded. He chuckled some more.

**Embry pursed his lips, looking surprised. "Hmm. S'pose that would work." "Where are we going?" I asked. "Emily's house. She's Sam's girlfriend…no, fiancée, now, I guess. They'll meet us back there after Sam gives it to them for what just happened. And after Paul and Jake scrounge up some new clothes, if Paul even has any left." **

"Probably not," Seth snickered. Paul wacked him over the head, while we chuckled.

**"Does Emily know about" "Yeah. And hey, don't stare at her. That bugs Sam."**

It got quiet in the room. Emily was fuming. "You know, it's bad enough I have these scars, but to see you guys warning people about it, well…well it's just so horrible," she said, tearing up. She went in the other room. Sam followed her. After a few minutes, they came back in, both relaxed.

**I frowned at her. "Why would I stare?" Embry looked uncomfortable. "Like you saw just now, hanging out around werewolves has its risks."**

"Yeah, but it's worth it," Emily said, now cheered up.

**He changed the subject quickly. "Hey, are you okay about the whole thing with the black-haired bloodsucker in the meadow? It didn't look like he was a friend of yours, but…" Embry shrugged. "No, he wasn't my friend."**

"Not even close," I muttered.

"He was our friend, though," Carmen said in a disappointed voice. It got really quiet for a few moments.

**"That's good. We didn't want to start anything, break the treaty, you know." "Oh, yeah, Jake told me about the treaty once, a long time ago. Why would killing Laurent break the treaty?" "Laurent," he repeated, snorting, like he was amused on the vampire had had a name. "Well, we were technically on Cullen turf. We're not allowed to attack any of them, the Cullens, at least, off our land—unless they break the treaty first. We didn't know if the black-haired one was a relative of theirs or something. Looked like you knew him."**

I chuckled. "Yeah, I was about as close with him as I was with Victoria."

**"How would they go about breaking the treaty?" "If they bite a human. Jake wasn't so keen on the idea of letting it go that far." "Oh. Um, thanks. I'm glad you didn't wait." "Our pleasure." He sounded like he meant that in a literal sense. Embry drove past the easternmost house on the highway before turning off onto a narrow dirt road. "Your truck is slow," he noted.**

Edward and Alice both chuckled.

**"Sorry." At the end of the lane was a tiny house that had once been gray. There was only one narrow window beside the weathered blue door, but the window box under it was filled with bright orange and yellow marigolds, giving the whole place a cheerful look.**

"A girl can only try," Emily grinned at me.

**Embry opened the truck door and inhaled. "Mmm, Emily's cooking." Jared jumped out the back of the truck and headed for the door, but Embry stopped him with one hand on his chest. He looked at me meaningfully, and cleared his throat. "I don't have my wallet on me," Jared said.**

Emmett clicked his tongue. "Too bad I didn't bet on that part," he murmured.

**"That's okay. I won't forget."**

Embry gasped and put his fingers rubbing together, making the sign for money at Jared. Jared blushed, took out his wallet, and paid up.

"_It would seem that he did forget," _Edward whispered in my ear. I chuckled.

**They climbed up the one step and entered the house without knocking. I followed timidly after them. The front room, like Billy's house, was mostly kitchen. A young woman with satiny copper skin and long, straight, crow-black hair was standing at the counter by the sink, popping big muffins out of a tin and placing them on a paper plate. For one second, I thought the reason Embry had told me not to stare was because the girl was so beautiful.**

"Thanks Bella, I think you're beautiful too," Emily said with a smile.

**And then she asked "You guys hungry?" in a melodic voice, and she turned to face us full on, a smile on half of her face. The right side of her face was scarred from hairline to chin by three thick, red lines, livid in color though they were long healed. One line pulled down the corner of her dark, almond-shaped right eye, another twisted the right side of her mouth into a permanent grimace.**

I saw Sam look into his lap in shame. Emily noticed this and rubbed his back for a few minutes.

**Thankful for Embry's warning, I quickly turned my eyes to the muffins in her hands. They smelled wonderful—like fresh blueberries.**

I gagged a little, wondering how horrible they would taste to me now. Edward chuckled.

**"Oh," Emily said, surprised. "Who's this?" I looked up, trying to focus on the left half of her face. "Bella Swan," Jared told her, shrugging. Apparently, I'd been a topic of conversation before. "Who else?" "Leave it to Jacob to find a way around," Emily murmured.**

"Hey, do remember that it was because of Jacob that we were able to overlook the treaty to help defeat Victoria and the newborns," I pointed out. Emily smiled.

**She stared at me, and neither half of her once beautiful face was friendly. "So, you're the vampire girl." I stiffened. "Yes. Are you the wolf girl?" She laughed, as did Embry and Jared. The left half of her face warmed. "I guess I am."**

We all chuckled.

**She turned to Jared. "Where's Sam?" "Bella, er, surprised Paul this morning."**

Paul laughed. "Surprised is sort of an understatement, don't you think?"

**Emily rolled her good eye. "Ah, Paul," she sighed. "Do you think they'll be long? I was just about to start the eggs." "Don't worry," Embry told her. "If they're late, we won't let anything go to waste."**

"Gee, thanks," Jake muttered.

**Emily chuckled, and then opened the refrigerator. "No doubt," she agreed. "Bella, are you hungry? Go ahead and help yourself to a muffin." "Thanks."**

Jared chuckled. "Yeah, before we get them all as usual," he said with a grin.

**I took one from the plate and started nibbling around the edges. It was delicious, and it felt good in my tender stomach. Embry picked up his third and shoved it into his mouth whole.**

"Carnivores," Rose sneered.

"It's better than being cannibals," Jake sneered back.

"Too bad we're not," Rose reminded him. He went quiet.

**"Save some for your brothers," Emily chastised him, hitting him on the head with a wooden spoon. **

Emmett chuckled. "Nice!" he said, high fiving Emily.

**The word surprised me, but the others thought nothing of it. "Pig," Jared commented. I leaned against the counter and watched the three of them banter like a family. Emily's kitchen was friendly place, bright with white cupboards and pale wooden floorboards. On the little round table, a cracked blue-and-white china pitcher was overflowing with wildflowers. Embry and Jared seemed entirely at ease here.**

"Gotta love Emily's love for flowers. It really makes this place feel like home," Sam said happily.

**Emily was mixing a humongous batch of eggs, several dozen, in a big yellow bowl. She had the sleeves of her lavender shirt pushed up, and I could see that the scars were extended all the way down her arm to the back of her right hand. Hanging out with werewolves truly did have its risks, just as Embry said.**

"And you wondered why I wouldn't let you see Jake or his friends when I got back from Italy," Edward snarled. It was quiet for a few seconds.

**The front door opened, and Sam stepped through. "Emily," he said, as much love saturated his voice that I felt embarrassed, intrusive, as I watched him cross the room in one stride and take her face in his wide hands. He leaned down and kissed the dark scars on her right cheek before he kissed his lips. "Hey, none of that," Jared complained. "I'm eating."**

"You're always eating," Jake said with a grin.

**"Then shut up and eat," Sam suggested, kissing Emily's ruined mouth again. "Ugh," Embry groaned. This was worse than any romantic movie; this was so real that it sang out loud with joy and life and true love. I put my muffin down and folded my arms across my empty chest. I stared at the flowers, trying to ignore the utter peace of their moment, and the wretched throbbing of my wounds.**

"As long as you're not that visual in front of us with Nessie, I'll be fine," I muttered to Jake. He chuckled quietly.

**I was grateful for the distraction when Jacob and Paul came through the door, and then shocked when I saw that they were laughing. **

"Who won???" Emmett asked eagerly. Jasper grinned. "Jake," I chuckled. Jasper's grin disappeared, while Emmett's mouth turned into a grin. Jasper grabbed his wallet, and held on to it for dear life. Emmett got up, wrestled him to the ground, and grabbed his wallet and the $30. We were laughing our asses off.

**While I watched, Paul punched Jacob on the shoulder and Jacob went for a kidney jab in return. They laughed again. They both appeared to be in one piece. Jacob scanned the room, his eyes stopping when he found me leaning, awkward and out of place, against the counter in the far corner of the kitchen. "Hey, Bells," he greeted me cheerfully. He grabbed two muffins as he passed the table and came to stand beside me. "Sorry about before," he muttered under his breath. "How are things holding up?"**

"Oh, I could answer that one," Edward muttered angrily. I looked at him with pleading eyes. He noticed my pleading eyes and relaxed, not wanting to upset me.

**"Don't worry, I'm okay. Good muffins." I picked mine back up and started nibbling again. My chest felt better as soon as Jacob was beside me. "Oh, man!" Jared wailed, interrupting us. I looked up, and he and Embry were examining a fading pink line on Paul's forearm. Embry was grinning, exultant. "Fifteen dollars," he crowed.**

Emmett was grinning from ear to ear. Next thing we knew it, he got up and started doing a victory dance. That is, until Esme gave him a look, as if to say, enough already. He blushed, or would have if he could, and sat down quietly.

**"Did you do that?" I whispered to Jacob, remembering the bet. "I barely touched him. He'll be perfect by sundown." "By sundown?" I looked at the line on Paul's arm. Odd, but it looked weeks old.**

"Gotta love being a wolf," Jake grinned.

"I know how that feels now," I grinned back. "It's great being able to heal myself easier." Jake chuckled.

**"Wolf thing," Jacob whispered. I nodded, trying not to look weirded out. "**_**You **_**okay?" I asked him under my breath. "Not a scratch on me." His expression was smug. "Hey guys," Sam said in a loud voice, interrupting all the conversations going on in the small room. Emily was at the stove, scraping the egg mixture around a big skillet, but Sam had one hand touching the small of her back, an unconscious gesture. "Jacob has information for us.**

"Hey Emily, are you sure those eggs are enough for all of them?" Jasper teased. Emily laughed.

**Paul looked unsurprised. Jacob must have explained this to him and Sam already. Or…they'd just heard his thoughts.**

"It was kind of both. He wanted to explain it to us anyway," Paul pointed out.

**"I know what the redhead wants," Jacob directed his words toward Jared and Embry. "That's what I was trying to tell you before," He kicked the leg of the chair Paul had settled into. "And?" Jared asked. Jacob's face got serious. "She **_**is**_** trying to avenge her mate—only it wasn't the black-haired leech **_**we**_** killed. The Cullens got her mate last year, and she's after Bella now."**

It got really quiet in the room for a few moments. I took a deep breath and continued.

**This wasn't news to me, but I still shivered. Jared, Embry, and Emily stared at me with openmouthed surprise. "She's just a girl," Embry protested. "I didn't say it made sense. But that's why the bloodsucker's been trying to get past us. She's been heading for Forks." They continued to stare at me, mouths still hanging open, for a long moment. **

"Keep your mouths like that, and sooner or later, there will be flies flying in there," Rose commented.

**I ducked me head. "Excellent," Jared finally said, a smile beginning to pull up the corners of his mouth. "We've got bait." With stunning speed, Jacob yanked a can opener from the counter and launched it at Jared's head. Jared's hand flicked up faster than I would have thought possible, and he snagged the tool just before it hit his face.**

"Not very different than in a vampire household, is it?" Esme chuckled.

**"Bella is not bait." "You know what I mean," Jared said, unabashed. "So we'll be changing our patterns," Sam said, ignoring their squabble. "We'll try leaving a few holes, and see if she falls for it. "We'll have to split up, and I don't like that. But if she's really after Bella, she probably won't try to take advantage of our divided numbers." "Quil's got to be close to joining us," Embry murmured. "Then we'll be able to split evenly."**

"Although I have to admit that we probably wouldn't have beaten her and her cronies without the help of the vampires," Sam said honestly.

**Everyone looked down. I glanced at Jacob's face, and it was hopeless, like it had been yesterday afternoon, outside his house. No matter how comfortable they seemed to be with their fate, here in this happy kitchen, none of these werewolves wanted the same fate for their friend.**

"Would _you?"_ Sam asked me. I shook my head, thinking about how I felt when Jake changed.

**"Well, we won't count on that," Sam said in a low voice, and then continued at his regular volume. "Paul, Jared, and Embry will take the outer perimeter, and Jacob and I will take the inner. We'll collapse in when we've got her trapped." I noticed that Emily didn't particularly like that Sam would be in the smaller grouping. Her worry made me glancing up at Jacob, worrying, too.**

"Thanks," Jacob said with a small smile.

**Sam caught my eye. "Jacob thinks it would be best if you spent as much time as possible here in La Push. She won't know where to find you so easily, just in case."**

"I don't like that plan," Edward snarled. "She could get hurt."

"I know how to control myself around _her,"_ Jake snarled back. I continued to read, hoping that would shut them up. It was hard enough, seeing the two of them fighting again like this.

**"What about Charlie?" I demanded. "March madness is still going on," Jacob said. "I think Billy and Harry can manage to keep Charlie down here when he's not at work." "Wait," Sam said, holding one hand up. His glance flickered to Emily and then back to me. "That's what Jacob thinks is best, but you need to decide for yourself.**

"Knowing Bella, I can guess we all know the answer to that one," Edward muttered.

**"You should weigh the risks of both options very seriously. You saw this morning how easily things can get dangerous here, how quickly they get out of hand. If you choose to stay with us, I can't make any guarantees about your safety."**

I heard a growl coming from next to me.

**"I won't hurt her," Jacob muttered, looking down. Sam acted as if he hadn't heard him speak. "If there was somewhere else you felt safe…"**

"Florida," Edward said quietly.

"Yeah, but then I would bring my mother into the danger as well."

**I bit my lip. Where could I go that wouldn't put someone else in danger? I recoiled again from the idea of bringing Renee into this—pulling her into the circle of the target I wore… "I don't want to lead Victoria anywhere else," I whispered. Sam nodded. "That's true. It's better to have her here, where we can end this."**

"I wish it was that simple," Sam muttered.

**I flinched. I didn't want Jacob or any of the rest of them trying to **_**end**_** Victoria. I glanced at Jake's face; it was relaxed, almost the same as I remembered it from before the onset of the wolf thing, and utterly unconcerned by the idea of hunting vampires.**

Nessie looked like she was about to cry, after hearing the last sentence. Jake looked down, and smiled at her.

"Don't worry, I would never hunt you or your family," he said. She relaxed, and gave him a big hug.

**"You'll be careful, right?" I asked, an audible lump in my throat.**

Everyone in the room laughed. "I don't think it's them that they're worried about."

**The boys burst into loud hoots of amusement. Everyone laughed at me—except Emily. She met my eyes, and I could suddenly see the symmetry underlying her deformity. Her face was still beautiful, and alive with a concern even more fierce than mine. I had to look away, before the love behind that concern could start me aching again. "Food's ready," she announced then, and the strategic conversation was history.**

"That's what I was aiming at. I didn't want Bella feeling as bad as I feel when I see them go through strategies like that."

**The guys hurried to surround the table—which looked tiny and in danger of being crushed by them—and devoured the buffet-sized pan of eggs Emily placed in their midst in record time.**

"Don't worry, I've been more than a few tables. I guess it comes with the job of being the mother to the pack, so to speak," Emily said with a smile.

**Emily ate leaning against the counter like me—avoiding the bedlam at the table—and watched them with affectionate eyes. Her expression clearly stated that this was her family.**

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

**All in all, it wasn't exactly what I'd been expecting from a pack of werewolves. I spent the day in La Push, the majority of it in Billy's house. He left a message on Charlie's phone and at the station, and Charlie showed up around dinnertime with two pizzas. It was good he bought two larges; Jacob ate one all by himself.**

"I'm surprised he only had one whole pie," Rose sneered. Jake growled back.

**I saw Charlie eyeing the two of us suspiciously all night, especially the much-changed Jacob. He asked about the hair; Jacob shrugged and told him it was more convenient.**

"Although I do miss the ponytail from time to time," Jake said, as he rubbed one of his massive hands through his short, spiky hair.

**I knew that as soon as Charlie and I were headed home, Jacob would take off—off to run around as a wolf, as he had done intermittently through the entire day. He and his brothers of sorts kept up a constant watch, looking for some sign of Vitoria's return. But since they'd chased her away from the hot springs last night—chased her halfway to Canada, according to Jacob—she'd yet to make another foray.**

Edward started snarling. "Why couldn't you catch her? We wouldn't have had to deal with the mess that we did if you had done the job you needed to do to keep Bella safe!!" It went really quiet. After Jasper calmed him down, I read again.

**I had no hope at all that she might just give up. I didn't have that kind of luck.**

"And Victoria was not that kind of person," Carlisle reminded us.

**Jacob walked me to my truck after dinner and lingered by the window, waiting for Charlie to drive away first. "Don't be afraid tonight," Jacob said, while Charlie pretended to be having trouble with his seat belt. "We'll be out there, watching." "I won't worry about myself," I promised. "You're silly. Hunting vampires is fun. It's the best part of this whole mess."**

Nessie got off of Jake's lap, and climbed into mine. "Momma, Jakie wants to kill us," she whined with tears in her eyes.

"Not anymore sweetie. Not since he found you," I told her sweetly. She smiled.

**I shook my head. "If I'm silly, then you're dangerously unbalanced." He chuckled. "Get some rest, Bella, honey. You look exhausted." "I'll try." Charlie honked his horn impatiently. "See you tomorrow," Jacob said. "Come down first thing." "I will." Charlie followed me home. I paid scant attention to the lights in my rearview mirror. Instead, I wondered where Sam and Jared and Embry and Paul were, out running in the night. I wondered if Jacob had joined them yet.**

"Of course I did. I would do anything to keep you safe."

**When we got home, I hurried for the stairs, but Charlie was right behind me. "What's going on, Bella?" he demanded before I could escape. "I thought Jacob was a part of a gang and you two were fighting." **

"I thought so too, until I found out the truth," I said.

**"We made up." "And the gang?" "I don't know—who can understand teenage boys? They're a mystery. But I met Sam Uley and his fiancée, family. They seemed pretty nice to me," I shrugged. "Must have all been a misunderstanding." His face changed. "I hadn't heard that he and Emily made it official. That's nice. Poor girl."**

"Well, if you consider imprinting making it official, then I guess yeah, we were at that point," Sam pointed out.

**"Do you know what happened to her?" "Mauled by a bear, up north, during salmon spawning season—horrible accident. It was more than a year ago, now. I heard Sam was really messed up over it.**

"He was messed up over it, but only because it was his fault, by accident," Emily muttered quietly.

**"That's horrible," I echoed. More than a year ago. I'd bet that meant it happened when there was just one werewolf in La Push.**

It got quiet for a few moments.

**I shuddered at the thought of how Sam must have felt every time he looked at Emily's face. That night, I lay awake for a long time trying to sort through the day. I worked my way backward through dinner with Billy', Jacob, and Charlie, to the long afternoon in the Blacks' house, waiting anxiously to hear something from Jacob, to Emily's kitchen, to the horror of the werewolf fight, to talking with Jacob on the beach.**

"Poor Bella," I heard the saying repeated once again, this time coming out of Emily's mouth.

**I thought about what Jacob had said earlier this morning, about hypocrisy. I thought about that for a long time. I didn't like to think that I was a hypocrite, only what was the point of lying to myself? I curled into a tight ball. No, Edward wasn't a killer. Even in his darker past, he'd never been a murderer of innocents, at least. But what if he **_**had**_** been?**

"I have made that mistake a few times in my earlier years, but so have the rest of us," Edward said.

**What if, during the time that I'd known him, he'd just been like any other vampire? What if people had been disappearing from the woods, just like now? Would that have kept me away from him?**

Probably not, I thought to myself.

**I shook my head sadly. Love is irrational, I reminded myself. The more you loved someone, the less sense anything made. I rolled over and tried to think of something else—and I thought of Jacob and his brothers, out running in the darkness. I fell asleep imagining the wolves, invisible in the night, guarding me from danger. When I dreamed, I stood in the forest again, but I didn't wander. I was holding Emily's scarred hand as we faced into the shadows and waited anxiously for our werewolves to come home.**

**Hey guys, that's the chapter. I'm sorry it has taken so long to get it posted, but I don't have a computer so I have to do all the work at the library, and my car got into an accident recently, so now I have to walk to the library til I get the car back. Fun, not!! Plus, this weekend was my birthday, as well as going to a wedding on Sunday and an Islander game yesterday, so I'm finally able to post today. By the way, when you get the chance, I have started another story as well. Please take a look at it and tell me what you think. Next chapter, the jump dun dun dun!!! See you next chapter, please review. **


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in it**

**Hey guys, it's me again. Well, again thanks to all my reviewers and to my subscribers. You are what makes this story possible, and what makes me keep writing. Well, here we are. Another massive chapter. This time, it's the jump. And there's a very upsetting, pivotal point between Edward and Bella near the end of the chapter. Please let me know about what you think of it. I got really emotional writing that particular part of the story, more than the jump itself. This should be interesting… lol.**

Chapter 19 (chapter 15- Pressure)

**It was spring break in Forks again. When I woke up on Monday morning, I lay for a few seconds absorbing that. Last spring break, I'd been hunted by a vampire, too. I hoped this wasn't some kind of tradition forming.**

"So do I," Edward muttered.

**Already I was falling into the pattern of things in La Push. I'd spent Sunday mostly on the beach, while Charlie hung out with Billy at the Blacks' house. I was supposed to be with Jacob, but Jacob had other things to do, so I wandered alone, keeping the secret from Charlie.**

"I can't believe I'm actually saying this Bella, but I think I would have preferred for you to stay in the dog's house. That way, if anything happened, Billy could have contacted Sam immediately," Edward commented.

"Yeah but, since I was on La Push, the wolves could sense me easier, no matter where I was," I said.

"True…" he commented back.

**When Jacob dropped in to check on me, he apologized for ditching me so much. He told me his schedule wasn't always this crazy, but until Victoria was stopped, the wolves were on red alert.**

"That's a good thing you were," Carlisle told the pack. "And thank you for keeping an eye out for her when we couldn't." Sam nodded quietly.

**When we walked along the beach, he always held my hand.**

I heard a growl escape from Edward's chest. I rubbed his back.

**This made me brood over what Jared had said, about Jacob involving his "girlfriend." I supposed that that was exactly what it looked like from the outside. As long as Jake and I knew how it really was, I shouldn't let those kinds of assumptions bother me. And maybe they wouldn't, if I hadn't known that Jacob would have loved for things to be what they appeared.**

"No doubt," Jake mumbled.

**But his hand felt nice as it warmed mine, and I didn't protest. I worked Tuesday afternoon—Jacob followed me on his bike to make sure I arrived safely—and Mike noticed.**

"Not surprised," Alice chuckled. Edward chuckled as well.

**"Are you dating that kid from La Push? The sophomore?" He asked, poorly disguising the resentment in his tone. **

"Jealous?" Jake grinned.

**I shrugged. "Not in the technical sense of the word. I do spend most of my time with Jacob, though. He's my best friend." Mike's eyes narrowed shrewdly. "Don't kid yourself, Bella. The guy's head over heels for you."**

"So is someone else," I responded to Mike in the book.

**"I know," I sighed. "Life is complicated." "And girls are cruel," Mike said under his breath. I supposed that was an easy assumption to make, too. That night, Sam and Emily joined Charlie and me for dessert at Billy's house. Emily brought a cake that would have won over a harder man than Charlie.**

The wolves all started drooling.

"Mm, Emily's cakes," Jared drooled. Rose rolled her eyes at them, while Edward and I chuckled.

**I could see, as the conversation flowed naturally through a range of casual subjects, that any worries Charlie might have harbored about gangs in La Push were being dissolved. Jake and I skipped out early, to get some privacy. We went out to his garage and sat in the Rabbit. Jacob leaned his head back, his face drawn with exhaustion. "You need some sleep, Jake." "I'll get around to it." He reached over and took my hand. His skin was blazing on mine.**

"That must feel good in the cold, raw Forks weather," Carmen commented. I nodded.

**"Is that one of those wolf things?" I asked him. "The heat, I mean." "Yeah. We run a little warmer than the normal people. About one-oh-eight, one-oh-nine. I never get cold anymore. I could stand this"—he gestured to his bare torso—in a snowstorm and it wouldn't bother me. The flakes would turn to rain where I stood."**

Eleazer chuckled. "Maybe you should come live in Alaska then."

**"And you all heal fast—that's a wolf thing, too?" "Yeah, wanna see? It's pretty cool." His eyes flipped open and he grinned. He reached around me to the glove compartment and dug around for a minute. His hand came out with a pocketknife.**

"Yeah…Bella+ blood= fainting," Emmett teased. I growled a little at him.

**"No, I do not want to see!" I shouted as soon as I realized what he was thinking. "Put that away!" Jacob chuckled, but shoved the knife back where it belonged. "Fine. It's a good thing we heal, though. You can't go see just any doctor when you're running a temperature that should mean you're dead."**

"Yeah, that would look strange," Carlisle chuckled.

**"No, I guess not." I thought about that for a minute. "…And being so big—that's part of it? Is that why you're all worried about Quil?" "That and the fact that Quil's grandfather says the kid could fry an egg on his forehead." **

Emmett grinned. "Can we test that?" Esme gave him a look that made him shut up.

**Jacob's face turned hopeless. "It won't be long now. There's no exact age…it just builds and builds and then suddenly—" He broke off, and it was a moment before he could speak again. "Sometimes, if you get really upset or something, that can trigger it early. But I wasn't upset about anything—I was **_**happy." **_**He laughed bitterly. "Because of you, mostly. That's why it didn't happen to me sooner. Instead it just kept on building up inside me—I was like a time bomb. You know what set me off? I got back from that movie and Billy said I looked weird.**

"Wow, that's just sad, man," Embry told him friend. "It shouldn't take that little to set you off."

"I know, but I guess because it was building up for so long, that anything said wrong could have set me off."

**"That was all, but I just snapped. And then I—I exploded. I almost ripped his face off—my own father!" he shuddered, and his face paled.**

"He would have understood, I did after all," Emily said quietly.

**"Is it really bad, Jake?" I asked anxiously, wishing I had some way to help him. "Are you miserable?" "No, I'm not miserable," he told me. "Not anymore. Not now that you know. That was hard, before." He leaned over so that his cheek was resting on top of my head. He was quiet for a moment, and I wandered what he was thinking about. Maybe I didn't want to know. "What's the hardest part?" I whispered, still wishing I could help.**

"I would probably guess, looking from the outside, it's when you can't hold control of yourself, right?" Garrett asked Jake. He nodded quietly.

**"The hardest part is feeling…out of control," he said slowly. "Feeling like I can't be sure of myself—like maybe you **_**shouldn't**_** be around me, like maybe nobody should.**

"I would have to agree with that, however, that is no longer an option," Edward said.

**"Like I'm a monster who might hurt somebody. You've seen Emily. Sam lost control of his temper for just one second…and she was standing too close. And now there's nothing he can ever do to put it right again. I hear his thoughts—I know what that feels like…"**

It went really quiet in the room for a few moments. Emily had her head down in shame. Sam rubbed her back for a few minutes. I was able to read once Jasper sent a wave of calm over the room.

**"Who wants to be a nightmare, a monster?"**

"I know someone who always did," Edward muttered, aiming it toward me.

**"And then, the way it comes so easily to me, the way I'm better at it than the rest of them—does that make me even less human than Embry or Sam? Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm losing myself." "Is it hard? To find yourself again?" "At first," he said. "It takes some practice to phase back and forth. But it's easier for me." "Why?" I wondered. "Because Ephraim Black was my father's grandfather, and Quil Ateara was my mother's grandfather."**

"Wow," Tanya said in a shocked voice.

**"Quil?" I asked in confusion. "His great-grandfather," Jacob clarified. "The Quil you know is my second cousin." "But why does it matter who your great-grandfathers are?"**

"Because they were part of the original pack," Carlisle reminded me.

**"Because Ephraim and Quil were in the last pack. Levi Uley was the third. It's in my blood on both sides. I never had a chance. Like Quil doesn't have a chance." **

"I don't mind it though," Quil grinned. I forgot that Quil loved being a wolf so much.

**His expression was bleak. "What's the very best part?" I asked, hoping to cheer him up.**

"Definitely the speed," Embry grinned.

**"The best part," he said, suddenly smiling again, "is the **_**speed**_**." "Better than the motorcycles?" He nodded, enthusiastic. "There's no comparison." "How fast can you…?" "Run?" he finished my question. "Fast enough. What can I measure it by? We caught…what was his name? Laurent? I imagine that means more to you than it would to someone else."**

"You're faster than Laurent, but the real question is, are you faster than me?" Edward grinned.

Jacob got up in a heartbeat. "You're on. To the La Push border and back. First one to sit down on the couch wins," he continued. Edward got up.

Alice grinned. "On your marks, get set, go!" and they were out the door. A minute in a half later, Jake ran through the door, to the couch, sat down, and punched a fist in the air in victory.

Two seconds later, Edward dashed in, saw Jake already sitting with a grin on his face, and stomped his way over to the couch next to me, defeated. I chuckled quietly. Edward playfully growled at me.

**It did mean something to me. I couldn't imagine that—the wolves running faster than a vampire. When the Cullens ran, they all but turned invisible with speed. "So, tell me something **_**I **_**don't know," he said. "Something about vampires. How did you stand it, being around them? Didn't it creep you out?"**

"I tried to creep her out, to keep her safe, but it's Bella. Nothing scares her," Edward said.

"Except for blood," Emmett teased.

**"No," I said curtly. My tone made him thoughtful for a moment. "Say, why'd your bloodsucker kill that James, anyway?" he asked suddenly.**

"Would you have liked him to kill me there and/or turn me, or to stall it out? Because, if he killed me then, we may never have become friends, and you wouldn't have an imprint right now."

**"James was trying to kill me—it was like a game for him. He lost. Do you remember last spring when I was in the hospital down in Phoenix?"**

"It's pretty hard to forget something like that," Jake said.

**Jacob sucked in a breath. "He got that close?" "He got very, very close." I stroked my scar. Jacob noticed, because he held the hand I moved. "What's that?" He traded hands, examining my right. "This is your funny scar, the cold one." He looked at it closer, with new eyes, and gasped.**

"Wait a minute, that's where you got that scar from??" Sam asked incredulously. I nodded slowly. I heard the wolves gasp.

**"Yes, it's what you think it is," I said. "James bit me." His eyes bulged, and his face turned a strange, sallow color under the russet surface. He looked like he was about to be sick. "But if he bit you…? Shouldn't you be…?" He choked.**

I heard another gasp of confusion come from the wolves.

**"Edward saved me twice," I whispered. "He sucked the venom out—you know, like with a rattlesnake." I twitched as the pain lashed around the edges of the hole. But I wasn't the only one twitching. I could feel Jacob's whole body trembling next to mine. Even the car shook. "Careful, Jake. Easy. Calm down."**

"You know you wouldn't want to hurt Bella, Jake," Sam reminded him.

**"Yeah," he panted. "Calm." He shook his head back and forth quickly. After a moment, only his hands were shaking. "You okay?" "Yeah, almost. Tell me something else. Give me something else to think about." "What do you want to know?" "I don't know." He had his eyes closed, concentrating. "The extra stuff I guess. Did any of the other Cullens have…extra talents? Like the mind reader?"**

"Yes, and sometimes it can get others in trouble," Edward growled at Alice.

"Hey, do remember, if it wasn't for me, you guys probably would have never gotten back together. Bella would have never come looking for you and probably would have ended up with Jake, and you would have been too chicken to face her."

**I hesitated a second. This felt like a question he would ask of his spy, not his friend. But what was the point of hiding what I knew? It didn't matter now, and it would help him control himself. So I spoke quickly, the image of Emily's ruined face in my mind, and the hair rising on my arms. I couldn't imagine how the russet wolf would fit inside the Rabbit—Jacob would tear the whole garage apart if he changed now. "Jasper could…sort of control the emotions of the people around him. Not in a bad way, just to calm someone down, that kind of thing.**

"Which I have to admit, definitely comes in handy sometimes," Jake commented.

**"It would probably help Paul a lot," I added, teasing weakly.**

"I agree," Paul laughed.

**"And then Alice could see things that were going to happen. The future, you know, but not absolutely. The things she saw would change when someone changed the path they were on…" Like how she'd seen I dying…and she'd seen me becoming one of them.**

"What????" Jake asked incredulously. Alice nodded silently.

**Two things that had not happened. And one that never would. My head started to spin—I couldn't seem to pull in enough oxygen from the air. No lungs. Jacob was entirely in control now, very still beside me. "Why do you do that?" he asked. He tugged lightly at one of my arms, which was bound around me chest and then gave up when it wouldn't come loose easily. I hadn't even realized I'd moved them. "You do that when you're upset. Why?" "It hurts to think about them," I whispered. "It's like I can't breathe…like I'm breaking into pieces…" **

"My poor daughter," Esme cooed.

**It was bizarre how much I could tell Jacob now. We had no more secrets. He smoothed my hair. "It's okay, Bella, it's okay. I won't bring it up again. I'm sorry." "I'm fine." I gasped. "Happens all the time. Not your fault."**

"No, it's mine," Edward mumbled quietly.

**"We're a pretty messed-up pair, aren't we?" Jacob said. "Neither one of us can hold our shape together right." "Pathetic," I agreed, still breathless.**

"Only Jacob is pathetic," Rose commented.

**"At least we have each other," he said, clearly comforted by the though. I was comforted, too. "At least there's that," I agreed. And when we were together, it was fine. But Jacob had a horrible, dangerous job he felt compelled to do, and so I was often alone, stuck in La Push for safety, with nothing to do to keep my mind off any of my worries.**

"Yeah, and the one thing she comes up with puts her in deep shit!" Emmett exclaimed.

"Emmett, watch your language!" Esme scolded.

**I felt awkward, always taking up space at Billy's.**

"You know he didn't mind," Jake said.

**I did some studying for another Calculus test that was coming up next week, but I could only look at math for so long. When I didn't have something obvious to do in my hands, I felt like I ought to be making conversation with Billy—the pressure of normal societal rules.**

"Yeah, but you've never been good at that, and this isn't exactly normal society," Alice chuckled.

**But Billy wasn't one for filling up the long silences, and so the awkwardness continued. I tried hanging out at Emily's house Wednesday afternoon, for a change. At first it was kind of nice. Emily was a cheerful person who never sat still. I drifted behind her while she flitted around her little house and yard, scrubbing at the spotless floor, pulling a tiny weed, fixing a broken hinge, tugging a string of wool through an ancient loom, and always cooking, too.**

"Yeah, Emily cheered all of us up at the beginning. She was so helpful during those rough, awkward times," Jake commented.

**She complained lightly about the boys' appetites from all their extra running, but it was easy to see she didn't mind taking care of them.**

"Maybe you should come live with us," Carlisle chuckled. "You would only have to feed 3 mouths, Jake's, Nessie's, and yours."

**It wasn't hard to be with her—after all, we were both wolf girls now.**

"Not for long," Edward said in a sing-song voice, and a grin on his face.

**But Sam checked in after I'd been there for a few hours. I only stayed long enough to ascertain that Jacob was fine and there was no news, and then I had to escape. The awe of love and contentment that surrounded them was harder to take in concentrated doses, with no one else around to dilute it. So that left me wandering on the beach, pacing the length of the rocky crescent back and forth again.**

"Wait a minute, the day you went to Emily's was the day before…" I glared at Jake to shut him up. I didn't need for everyone to hear what he was about to say, but I remember as if it were yesterday what had happened the next day.

**Alone time wasn't good for me. Thanks to the new honesty with Jacob, I'd been talking and thinking about the Cullens way too much. No matter how I tried to distract myself—and I had plenty to think of: I was honestly and desperately worried about Charlie and the others who thought they were hunting animals, I was getting in deeper and deeper with Jacob without ever having consciously decided to progress in that direction and I didn't know what to do about it—**

"Not for long," Alice said with a grin on her face.

**None of these very real, very deserving of thought, very pressing concerns could take my mind off the pain in my chest for long. Eventually, I couldn't even walk anymore, because I couldn't breathe. I sat down on a patch of semidry rocks and curled up in a ball. Jacob found me like that, and I could tell from his expression that he understood.**

"Poor Bella," Carmen cooed. Wow, I've been hearing this a lot throughout this story. I concentrated, and opened up my shield. Edward chuckled lightly.

**"Sorry," he said right away. He pulled me up from the ground and wrapped both arms around my shoulders. I hadn't realized that I was cold until then. His warmth made me shudder, but at least I could breathe with him there. "I'm ruining your spring break," Jacob accused himself as he walked back up the beach.**

"No, honestly, you were very helpful. You distracted me from the truth," I said.

**"I'll take tomorrow morning off. The others can run without me. We'll do something fun." The word seemed out of place in my life right now, barely comprehensible, bizarre. "Fun?"**

"Yeah, ever heard of it?" Jasper teased.

**"Fun is exactly what you need. Hmm…" he gazed out across the heaving gray waves, deliberating. As his eyes scanned the horizon, he had a flash of inspiration. "Got it!" he crowed. "Another promise to keep."**

I took a deep breath before I continued. This is not going to be fun to read.

**"What are you talking about?" He let go of my hand and pointed toward the southern edge of the beach, where the flat, rocky half-moon dead-ended against the sheer sea cliffs. I stared, uncomprehending. "Didn't I promise to take you cliff diving?"**

It went very, very quiet in the room. It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Seth must have gotten something in his throat, because he cleared it loudly, which made our eyes shoot out at him. He shrunk down in silence. After a few more moments, I reluctantly read again.

**I shivered. "Yeah, it'll be pretty cold—not as cold as it is today. Can you feel the weather changing? The pressure? It will be warmer tomorrow. You up for it?"**

Edward shook his head slowly. "Why couldn't you just say no?"

**The dark water did not look inviting, and, from this angle, the cliffs looked even higher than before. But it had been days since I'd heard Edward's voice. That was probably part of the problem. I was addicted to the sound of my delusions. It made things worse if I went too long without them. Jumping off a cliff was certain to remedy that situation.**

I heard a massive vampire roar come from my entire family. I looked up to see my whole family glaring at me, except Jasper, who was desperately trying to calm down the situation.

**"Sure, I'm up for it. Fun." "It's a date," he said, and draped his arm around my shoulders. "Okay—now let's go get you some sleep." I didn't like the way the circles under his eyes were beginning to look permanently etched onto his skin.**

I took a deep, heavy breath, and closed the book for a bit. "I think we need to take a break before we read the next part. Sam, how about you and your pack rest for a few hours. I don't know the last time we took a break, and I know this is going to be a tough part," I told them. Sam nodded quietly.

After a couple of hours of us hunting in turns, and the wolves getting their sleep in, we sat down as a huge, disorganized family, and began to read again.

**I woke early the next morning and snuck a change of clothes out to the truck. I had a feeling that Charlie would approve of today's plan just as much as he would approve of the motorcycle.**

"No, if he knew about the plan, he would be up with my father already from a heart attack, or something like that," Seth said pointblank.

**The idea of a distraction from all my worries had me almost excited. Maybe it **_**would**_** be fun. A date with Jacob, a date with Edward…I laughed darkly to myself. **

"Ironic, isn't it?" I joked. No one answered.

**Jake could say what he wanted about us being a messed-up pair—I was the one who was truly messed up. I made the werewolf seem downright normal. I expected Jacob to meet me out front, the way he usually did when my noisy truck announced my arrival. When he didn't, I guessed that he might still be sleeping. I would wait—let him get as much sleep as he could. He needed his sleep, and that would give the day time to warm a bit more. Jacob had been right about the weather, though; it had changed in the night.**

"Too bad it didn't last like that for long," Jake muttered.

**A thick layer of clouds pressed heavily on the atmosphere now, making it almost sultry; it was warm and close under the gray blanket. I left my sweater in the truck. I knocked quietly on the door. "C'mon in," Bella, Billy said. He was at the kitchen table, eating cold cereal. "Jake sleeping?" "Er, no." He set his spoon down, and his eyebrows pulled together. "What happened?" I demanded. I could tell from his expression that **_**something **_**had. "Embry, Jared, and Paul crossed a fresh trail early this morning. Sam and Jake took off to help.**

Edward growled again. "That should have been all the more reason not to go cliff diving. You didn't know what you were doing, and going alone is downright suicidal!"

**"Sam was hopeful—she's hedged herself in beside the mountains. He thinks they have a good chance to finish this." "Oh, no, Billy," I whispered. "Oh, no." **

"You know, that's a good thing," Sam chuckled. "If we killed her, you wouldn't have to worry anymore. But leave it to you to be someone who worries about the fact that it's _us_ killing her." All I could do was shrug my shoulders.

**He chuckled, deep and low. "Do you really like La Push so well that you want to extend your sentence here?" "Don't make jokes, Billy. This is too scary for that." "You're right," he agreed, still complacent. His ancient eyes were impossible to read. "This one's tricky." I bit my lip. "It's not as dangerous for them as you think it is. Sam knows what he's doing.**

"He knows what he's doing, yet he couldn't even finish the job," Rose taunted. Sam growled quietly.

**"You're the one that you should worry about. The vampire doesn't want to fight them. She's just trying to find a way around them…to you." "How does Sam know what he's doing?" I demanded, brushing aside his concern for me.**

"Because we are born with the natural instincts of how to kill a vampire. It is in our genes."

**"They've only killed just the one vampire—that could have been luck."**

"Not likely, Bella," Edward reminded me.

**"We take what we do very seriously, Bella. Nothing's been forgotten. Everything they need to know has been passed down from father to son for generations."**

"Except none of us believed it until it happened to us," Paul said.

**That didn't comfort me the way he probably intended it to. The memory of Victoria, wild, catlike, lethal, was too strong in my head. If she couldn't get around the wolves, she **_**would **_**eventually try to go through them.**

"And if she tried, she would most likely not succeed, seeing as we helped kill her and her evil band of newborns," Sam pointed out.

**Billy went back to his breakfast; I sat down on the sofa and flipped aimlessly through the TV channels. That didn't last long. I started to feel closed in by the small room, claustrophobic, upset by the fact that I couldn't see out the curtained windows.**

"Yeah, apparently claustrophobia leads you to making one of the biggest mistakes of your life!" Alice exclaimed.

"Yeah, but if it hadn't happened, I wouldn't be with Edward right now."

"However, the way he was going, you guys would have eventually ended up together again, seeing as he wasn't far off from coming back to you anyway," she commented. It went really quiet for a few moments.

**"I'll be at the beach," I told Billy abruptly, and hurried out the door. Being outside didn't help as much as I'd hoped. The clouds pushed down with an invisible weight that kept the claustrophobia from easing. The forest seemed strangely vacant as I walked toward the beach. I didn't see any animals—no birds, no squirrels. I couldn't hear any birds, either. The silence was eerie; there wasn't even the sound of wind in the trees. **

"Because this day isn't going to be eerie enough, right," I scoffed.

**I knew it was all just a product of the weather, but it still made me edgy. The heavy, warm pressure of the atmosphere was perceptible even to my weak human senses, and it hinted at something major in the storm department.**

"Yet this genius jumps in the middle of the storm!" Jake exclaimed. I didn't respond for a few moments.

**A glance at the sky backed this up; the clouds were churning sluggishly despite the lack of breeze on the ground. The closest clouds were a smoky gray, but between the cracks I could see another layer that was a gruesome purple color.**

"AND YOU DECIDED TO CLIFF DIVE IN THIS WEATHER????????"Alice and Edward exclaimed at the same time. Again, I couldn't respond. I went in the other room for a few moments to calm down. When I came back in, there were some small whispering, but when I sat back down, it got quiet again.

**The skies had a ferocious plan in store for today. The animals must be bunkering down.**

"But apparently, Bella isn't," Alice growled.

**As soon as I reached the beach, I wished I hadn't come—I'd already had enough of this place. I'd been here almost every day, wandering alone. Was it so much different from my nightmares? But where else to go? I trudged down to the driftwood tree, and sat at the edge so that I could lean against the tangled roots. I stared up at the angry sky broodingly, waiting for the first drops to break the stillness. I tried not to think about the danger Jacob and his friends were in.**

"No, you should have been worried about your own."

**Because nothing could happen to Jacob. The thought was unendurable. I'd lost too much already—would fate bring the last few shreds of peace left behind? That seemed unfair, out of balance. But maybe I'd violated some unknown rule, crossed some line that had condemned me. Maybe it was wrong to be so involved with myths and legends, to turn my back on the human world. Maybe…**

"Do you know how many times I have said that to you??" Edward asked incredulously.

"Well then, you should be glad I didn't listen to you," I responded. He chuckled and kissed me lightly on the lips.

**No. Nothing would happen to Jacob. I had to believe that or I wouldn't be able to function. "Argh!" I groaned, and jumped off the log. I couldn't sit still; it was worse than pacing. I'd really been counting on hearing Edward this morning. It seemed like that was the one thing that might make it bearable to live through this day.**

"This is the reason you still decided to jump?? Ugh, Bella, I'm very, very disappointed in you," Edward scolded. I put my head down in shame for a few moments.

**The hole had been festering lately, like it was getting revenge for the times that Jacob's presence had tamed it. The edges burned. The waves picked up as I paced, beginning to crash against the rocks, but there was still no wind. I felt pinned down by the pressure of the storm. Everything swirled around me, but it was perfectly still where I stood. The air had a faint electric charge—I could feel the static in my hair.**

"What a perfect day for cliff diving," Rose said sarcastically.

**Farther out, the waves were angrier than they were along the shore. I could see them battering against the line of the cliffs, spraying big white clouds of sea foam into the sky. There was still no movement in the air, though the clouds roiled more quickly now. It was eerie looking—like the clouds were moving by their own will. I shivered, though I knew it was just a trick of the pressure. The cliffs were a black knife edge against the livid sky. Staring at them, I remembered the day Jacob had told me about Sam and his "gang." I thought of the boys—the werewolves—throwing themselves into the empty air.**

"Only difference is, we are nearly immortal. You were not at the time. You had no right to jump alone. None of us would _ever_ do that," Sam told me.

**The image of the falling, spiraling figures was still vivid in my mind. I imagined the utter freedom of the fall…I imagined the way Edward's voice would have sounded in my head—furious, velvet, perfect...The burning in my chest flared agonizingly.**

"Don't forget overprotective," Jake pointed out. Edward growled.

**There had to be some way to quench it. The pain was growing more and more intolerable by the second. I glared at the cliffs and the crashing waves. Well, why not? Why not quench it right now? **

I heard another growl from my husband. I tried to rub his back, but he pushed away.

**Jacob had promised me cliff diving, hadn't he? Just because he was unavailable, should I have to give up the distraction needed so badly—needed even worse **_**because**_** Jacob was out risking his life? Risking it, in essence, for me. If it weren't for me, Victoria would not be killing people here…just somewhere else, far away.**

"Yeah, Seattle," Edward muttered.

**If anything happened to Jacob, it would be my fault. That realization stabbed deep and had me jogging back up to the road toward Billy's house, where my truck waited. **

"Wait, I thought you jumped?" Alice asked in a confused voice.

"She did, she took the path by the cliffs," Jake grumbled.

**I knew my way to the lane that passed closest to the cliffs, but I had to hunt for the little path that would take me out to the ledge. As I followed it, I looked for turns or forks, knowing that Jake had planned to take me off the lower outcropping rather than the top, but the path wound in a thin single line toward the brink with no options. **

I felt all the eyes in the room widen. I never told them that I jumped from the top, did I?

**I didn't have time to find another way down—the storm was moving in quickly now.**

"I know another way, the way is no way down. You should have walked to my father's house and you know that!"

**The wind was finally beginning to touch me, the clouds pressing closer to the ground. Just as I reached the place where the dirt path fanned out into the stones precipice, the first drops broke through and splattered on my face. It was not hard to convince myself that I didn't have time to search for another way—I **_**wanted**_** to jump from the top. This was the image that had lingered in my head. I wanted the long fall that would feel like flying.**

I slammed the book down in Edward's lap, and ran out of the room, ran to the cottage and didn't stop to look back. I sat down on the bed and wished with all of my might that I could cry. I heard footsteps, and then a small rasp on the door.

"Bella?" a sweet, beautiful, velvet voice called out. I didn't respond. I grabbed a feather pillow and cuddled it. Edward walked in with Renesmee in his arms. Renesmee jumped down and ran over to me to hug me, while Edward calmly walked over to the bed and sat next to me. He brushed my hair out of my face, and lightly touched my cheek with the palm of his hand.

"Bella, I know this is tough for you. It's tough for all of us. And you know I hate to see you like this. But I guess I can see how you see it now, just like I had to witness my own wrong doing near the beginning of the book. I know it's tough, and I know what you're going through. But we're a family, and we'll get through this together." He pushed my face towards his and kissed me ever so gently.

"Thank you," I said. "I think I'm ready." I looked up to see the rest of my family standing quietly in the door. Esme and Alice walked over and gave me a hug after I handed Nessie over to Jake. "K, guys, let's go back to your house." After we went back, and sat down, I was able to read again.

**I knew that this was the stupidest, most reckless thing I had done yet. The thought made me smile. The pain was already easing, as if my body knew that Edward's voice was just seconds away...The ocean sounded very far away, somehow farther than before, when I was on the path in the trees. I grimaced when I thought of the probable temperature of the water. But I wasn't going to let that stop me.**

"Another reason it's safer for just the wolves to do it. We won't get hypothermia."

**The wind blew stronger now, whipping the rain into eddies around me. I stepped out to the edge, keeping my eyes on the empty space in front of me. My toes felt ahead blindly, caressing the edge of the rock when they encountered it. I drew in a deep breath and held it…waiting.**

I heard a slight gasp come from Esme.

**"Bella." I smiled and exhaled. **_**Yes? **_**I didn't answer out loud, for fear that the sound of my voice would shatter the beautiful illusion. He sounded so real, so close. It was only when he was disapproving like this that I could hear the true memory of his voice—the velvet texture and the musical intonation that made up the most perfect of all voices.**

"No, it's not disapproving, it's furious beyond reason," Edward muttered. I think he wasn't trying to make it sound angry because of how I reacted earlier.

**"Don't do this," he pleaded. **_**You wanted me to be human,**_** I reminded him. **_**Well, watch me.**_** "Please. For me." **_**But you won't stay with me any other way**_**. "Please." **

"I would have begged just as badly if I was there in real life too. You were out of your mind."

**It was just a whisper in the blowing rain that tossed my hair and drenched my clothes—making me as wet as if this were my second jump of the day. I rolled up onto the balls of my feet.**

"NO!!!!!!"

**"No, Bella!" He was angry now, and the anger was so lovely. I smiled and raised my arms straight out, as if I were going to dive, lifting my face into the rain. But it was too ingrained from years of swimming at the public pool—feet first, first time. I leaned forward, crouching to get more spring…And I flung myself off the cliff.**

I heard the room go very quiet.

**I screamed as I dropped through the open air like a meteor, but it was a scream of exhilaration and not fear. The wind resisted, trying vainly to fight the unconquerable gravity, pushing against me and twirling me in spirals like a rocket crashing to the earth. **_**Yes!**_** The word echoed through my head as I sliced through the surface of the water.**

"How you survived that jump is so far beyond me, it's not even funny."

**It was icy, colder than I'd feared, and yet the chill only added to the high. I was proud of myself as I plunged deeper into the freezing black water. I hadn't had one moment of terror—just pure adrenaline.**

"No, only a _sane_ person would feel terror," Alice pointed out.

**Really, the fall wasn't scary at all. Where was the challenge? That was when the current caught me. I'd been so preoccupied by the size of the cliffs, by the obvious danger of their high, sheer faces, that I hadn't worried at all about the dark water waiting. **

"See, Jacob! This is what you have caused Bella. She had become so reckless at this point that she couldn't even look at the immediate danger right in front of her!" Alice shouted.

**I never dreamed that eh true menace was lurking far below me, under the heaving surf. It felt like the waves were fighting over me, jerking me back and forth between them as if determined to share by pulling me into halves. I knew the right way to avoid a riptide: swim parallel to the beach rather than struggling for the shore. But the knowledge did me little good when I didn't know which way the shore was. I couldn't even tell which way the surface was. The angry water was black in every direction; there was no brightness to direct me upward.**

"What a perfect day to jump," Alice said in a very sarcastic, angry voice.

**Gravity was all-powerful when it competed with the air, but it had nothing on the waves—I couldn't feel a downward pull, a sinking in any direction. Just the battering of the current that flung me round and round like a rag doll. I fought to keep my breath in, to keep my lips locked around my last store of oxygen. It didn't surprise me that my delusion of Edward was there. He owed me that much, considering that I was dying. I **_**was**_** surprised by how sure that knowledge was. I was going to drown. I was drowning.**

"And when she woke up next to me days later, she thought she did drown," Edward commented.

**"Keep swimming!" Edward begged urgently in my head. **_**Where?**_** There was nothing but darkness. There was no place to swim to. "Stop that!" he ordered. "Don't you dare give up!"**

"Please don't give up," Edward cooed softly.

**The cold of the water was numbing my arms and legs. I didn't feel the buffeting so much as before. It was more of just a dizziness now, a helpless spinning in the water. But I listened to him. I forced my arms to continue reaching, my legs to kick harder, though every second I was facing a new direction. It couldn't be doing any good. What was the point?**

"Because if had died, you would never have been able to save me from my own death."

**"Fight!" he yelled. "Damn it, Bella, keep fighting." **_**Why?**_** I didn't want to fight anymore. And it wasn't the lightheadedness, or the cold, or the failure of my arms as the muscles gave out in exhaustion, that made me content to stay where I was. I was almost happy that it was over. This was an easier death than others I'd faced. Oddly peaceful.**

"Ironically enough, that's how I felt when I was under the clock tower."

**I thought briefly of the clichés, about how you were suppose to see your life flash before your eyes. I was so much luckier. Who wanted to see a rerun, anyway?**

"No, the only thing I saw was the love of my life."

**I saw **_**him**_**, and I had no will to fight. It was so clear, so much more defined than any memory. My subconscious had stared Edward away in flawless detail, saving him for this final moment. I could see his perfect face as if he were really there; the exact shade of his icy skin, the shape of his lips, the line of his jaw, the gold glinting in his furious eyes. He was angry, naturally, that I was giving up. His teeth were clenched and his nostrils flared with rage.**

"Don't worry, I thought I was seeing things when I saw you at first at the clock tower. Don't you remember how I thought I was dead when I saw you?" I nodded.

**"No, Bella, no!" My ears flooded with the freezing water, but his voice was clearer than ever. I ignored his words and concentrated on the sound of his voice. Why would I fight when I was so happy where I was? Even as my lungs burned for more air and my legs cramped in the icy cold, I was content. I'd forgotten what real happiness felt like. Happiness. It made the whole dying thing pretty bearable. The current won at that moment, shoving me abruptly against something hard, a rock invisible in the gloom. **

"That can't be good," Carlisle said quietly.

**It hit me solidly across the chest, slamming into me like an iron bar, and the breath whooshed out of my lungs, escaping in a thick cloud of silver bubbles. Water flooded down my throat, choking and burning. The iron bar seemed to be dragging me, pulling away from Edward, deeper into the dark, to the ocean floor. **_**Goodbye. I love you,**_** was my last thought.**

I put my head in my lap and cried tearless tears. I felt the pain around the room. You didn't have to be Jasper to feel the pain throughout the room. We all kind of read it off each, all stood up and had a huge family bear hug.

**Wow, what a chapter. That was very difficult. I hope you guys enjoyed it. Please review, and I will see you next chapter.****  
**


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in it.**

**Hey guys. Wow, was that a difficult ending to a chapter to write, but thanks again for the amazing reviews. Can you believe that next chapter Alice comes back? I'm so siked! How about you? Enjoy this chapter, and please review. To all my team Edward's out there, Jake jealousy moment happens in this chapter, and heck, even the wolves get in on it for fun, and you'll be rolling on the floor laughing. One last note, Ashley, I really wish you had an account so I could respond to some of your messages like I do to other reviewers.**

Chapter 20 (Chapter 16- Paris)

After we all cooled down from the shock of last chapter, we were able to sit back down as a family (and friends), and read again.

**At that moment, my head broke the surface. How disorienting. I'd been sure I was sinking. **

I saw Jake smile. "You should be glad a certain someone was there to save you." I smiled back at him.

**The current wouldn't let up. It was slamming me against more rocks; they beat against the center of my back sharply, rhythmically, pushing the water from my lungs.**

"Yeah, Bella. I'm guessing that's not rocks," Edward commented. Jake nodded.

**It gushed out in amazing volume, absolute torrents pouring from my mouth and nose. The salt burned and my lungs burned and my throat was too full of water to catch a breath and the rocks were hurting my back. Somehow I stayed in one place, though the waves still heaved around me. I couldn't see anything but water everywhere, reaching for my face. "Breathe!" a voice, wild with anxiety, ordered, and I felt a cruel stab of pin when I recognized the voice—because it wasn't Edward.**

"Thank you so much, Jacob. If it wasn't for you, she wouldn't be alive, and neither would I," Edward told him.

**I could not obey. The waterfall pouring from my mouth didn't stop long enough for me to catch a breath. The black, icy water filled my chest, burning. The rock smacked into my back again, right between my shoulder blades, and another volley of water choked its way out of my lungs. "Breathe, Bella! C'mon!" Jacob begged. Black spots bloomed across my vision, getting wider and wider, blocking out the light.**

"Poor Bella," Esme and Carmen cooed at the same time.

**The rock struck me again. The rock wasn't cold like the water; it was hot on my skin. I realized it was Jacob's hand, trying to beat the water from my lungs. The iron bar that had dragged me from the sea was also…warm…My head whirled, the black spots covered everything. **

"Part of me wishes at that moment that I was there. If I saw you in this much struggle, I might have changed you then."

"If you were there, I would have never jumped in the first place just to hear your voice," I retorted back. He went quiet.

**Was I dying again, then? I didn't like it—this wasn't as good as the last time.**

"I didn't know dying was a sport, Bella," Jake scolded.

**It was only dark now, nothing worth looking at here. The sound of the crashing waves faded into the black and became a quiet, even **_**whoosh**_** that sounded like it was coming from the inside of my ears… "Bella?" Jacob asked, his voice still tense, but not as wild as before. "Bella, honey, can you hear me?" The contents of my head swished and rolled sickeningly, like they'd joined the rough water… "How long has she been unconscious?" someone else asked.**

"Unconscious," Edward muttered quietly in shock.

**The voice that was not Jacob's shocked me, jarred me into a more focused awareness. I realized that I was still. There was no tug of the current on me—the heaving was inside my head. The surface under me was flat and motionless. It felt grainy against my bare arms.**

"It's called ground, Bella," Emmett joked

**"I don't know," Jacob reported, still frantic. His voice was very close. Hands—so warm they had to be his—brushed wet hair from my cheeks. "A few minutes? It didn't take long to tow her to the beach." The quiet **_**whooshing **_**inside my ears was not the waves—it was the air moving in and out of my lungs again. **

"Thank goodness," Alice said.

**Each breath burned—the passageways were as raw as if I'd scrubbed them out with steel wool. But I was breathing. And I was freezing. A thousand sharp, ice beads were striking my face and arms, making the cold worse. "She's breathing. She'll come around. We should get her out of the cold, though. I don't like the color she's turning…" I recognized Sam's voice this time. "You think it's okay to move her?"**

"Would you rather she freezes to death??" Alice asked incredulously.

**"She didn't hurt her back or anything when she fell?" "I don't know." They hesitated. I tried to open my eyes. It took a minute, but then I could see the dark, purple clouds, flinging the freezing rain at me. "Jake?" I croaked. Jacob's face blocked out the sky. "Oh!" he gasped, relief washing over his features. His eyes were wet from the rain.**

"On behalf of all of us here, thank you so much for saving her. I don't know what I truly would have done if I did come back to find her dead. I don't know if I could have handled it," Alice said darkly.

**"Oh, Bella! Are you okay? Can you hear me? Do you hurt anywhere?" "J-just m-my throat," I stuttered, my lips quivering from the cold. "Let's get you out of here, then," Jacob said. He slid his arms under me and lifted me without effort—like picking up an empty box.**

Emmett smirked. "Not as strong as me, though."

**His chest was bare and warm; he hunched his shoulders to keep the rain off of me. My head lolled over his arm. I stared vacantly back toward the furious water, beating the sand behind him. "You got her?" I heard Sam ask. "Yeah. I'll take it from here. Get back to the hospital. I'll join you later. Thanks, Sam."**

"Hospital?" Carlisle asked curiously.

"Harry Clearwater had a heart attack earlier that day."

**My head was still rolling. None of his words sunk in at first. Sam didn't answer. There was no sound, and I wondered if he were already gone. The water licked and writhed up the sand after us as Jacob carried me away, like it was angry that I'd escaped. As I stared wearily, a spark of color caught my unfocused eyes—a small flash of fire was dancing on the black water, far out in the bay. The image made no sense, and I wondered how conscious I really was. My head swirled with the memory of the black, churning water—of being so lost that I couldn't find up or down. So lost…but somehow Jacob… "How did you find me?"**

"I was looking for you, knowing that we were going to jump today. But I never expected you to jump in that kind of weather. It was very reckless, even coming from me."

**"I was searching for you," he told me. He was half-jogging through the rain, up the beach toward the road. "I followed the tire tracks to your truck, and then I heard you scream…"**

"I thought you had seen Victoria. We knew Victoria was in the area."

**"Why would you jump, Bella? Didn't you notice that it's turning into a hurricane out here? Couldn't you have waited for me?" Anger filled his tone as the relief faded.**

"No, why would she do a smart thing like that??" Alice asked angrily. I slumped down in my seat.

**"Sorry," I muttered. "It was stupid."**

"Stupid is an understatement, Bella. You should have known better. Nothing is worth that," Edward scolded me.

**"Yeah, it was **_**really **_**stupid," he agreed, drops of rain shaking free of his hair as he nodded. "Look, do you mind saving the stupid stuff for when I'm around? **

"Well, that works, until Edward bought another bike to join in the fun," I joked. Edward growled a little.

**"I won't be able to concentrate if I think you're jumping off cliffs behind my back." "Sure," I agreed. "No problem." I sounded like a chain-smoker. I tried to clear my throat—and then winced; the throat-clearing felt like stabbing a knife down there.**

"Ow," Seth thought to himself.

**"What happened today? Did you…find **_**her?**_**" It was my turn to shudder, though I wasn't so cold here, right next to his ridiculous body heat. Jacob shook his head. He was still more running than walking as he headed up the road to his house. **

'Well, of course. I wanted to get you out of the cold."

**"No. She took off into the water—the bloodsuckers have the advantage there.**

Edward's eyes widened. "She took off into the water??' Esme asked in shock. Sam nodded quietly.

**"That's why I raced home—I was afraid she was going to double back swimming. You spend so much time on the beach…" He trailed off, a catch in his throat. "Sam came back with you…is everyone else home, too?" I hoped they weren't still out searching for her. "Yeah. Sort of." I tried to read his expression, squinting into the hammering rain. His eyes were tight with worry or pain. The words that hadn't made sense before suddenly did. "You said…hospital. Before, to Sam. Is someone hurt? Did she fight you?" My voice jumped up an octave, sounding strange with the hoarseness. "No, no. When we got back, Em was waiting with the news. It's Harry Clearwater. Harry had a heart attack this morning."**

It went really quiet in the room. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see tears starting to well up in Seth's eyes. We were really quiet, and let him cry it out for a few minutes, before Jasper sent a calm wave over him.

**"Harry?" I shook my head, trying to absorb what he was saying. "Oh, no! Does Charlie know?"**

"Charlie was the first one on the scene," Seth commented.

**"Yeah. He's over there, too, with my dad." Jacob's eyes tightened again. "It doesn't look so great right now."**

"Wait, so when you said that Charlie was at the funeral, did you mean Harry's funeral?" Edward asked Jake. Jake nodded. Edward slumped in his seat in shame.

**Abruptly, I felt really sick with guilt—felt truly horrible about the brainless cliff dive. Nobody needed to be worrying about me right now. What a stupid time to be reckless.**

"There is no good time to be reckless, Bella," Alice said.

**"What can I do?" I asked. At that moment the rain stopped. I hadn't realized we were already back to Jacob's house until he walked through the door. The storm pounded against the roof. "You can stay **_**here**_**," Jacob said as he dumped me on the short couch. "I mean it—right here. I'll get you some dry clothes." I let my eyes adjust to the dark room while Jacob banged around in his bedroom.**

"Knowing Bella, she probably would have stayed either way. Especially since she knows that Victoria is still on the watch, and got really close to her that day," Carlisle commented.

**The cramped front room seemed so empty without Billy, almost desolate. It was strangely ominous—probably just because I knew where he was. Jacob was back in seconds. He threw a pile of gray cotton at me. "These will be huge on you, but it's the best I've got. I'll, er, step outside so you can change."**

"Although, I'm sure he would have loved to stay in there for that," Quil smirked. Jake smacked him over the head.

**"Don't go anywhere. I'm too tired to move yet. Just stay with me." Jacob at on the floor next to me, his back against the couch. I wondered when he'd slept last. He looked as exhausted as I felt.**

"During that time, it had been weeks. Sam had everyone on double duty at that time to keep an eye out for Victoria," Jake said.

"He he, you said double doodie," Emmett snickered. I rolled my eyes at him.

**He leaned his head on the cushion next to mine and yawned. "Guess I could rest for a minute…" His eyes closed. I let mine slide shut, too. Poor Harry. Poor Sue. I knew Charlie was going to be beside himself. Harry was one of his best friends. Despite Jake's negative take on things, I hoped fervently that Harry would pull through. For Charlie's sake. For Sue's and Leah's and Seth's… **

It went quiet for a few moments.

**Billy's sofa was right next to the radiator, and I was warm now, despite my soaked clothes. My lungs ached in a way that pushed me toward unconsciousness rather than keeping me awake. I wondered vaguely if it was wrong to sleep…or was I getting drowning mixed up with concussions…?**

"Bella, that's a really bad thing…" Carlisle reminded me.

**Jacob began softly snoring, and the sound of it soothed like a lullaby. I fell asleep quickly.**

"I do not snore," Jake pouted. I chuckled.

**For the first time in a very long time, my dream was just a normal dream. Just a blurred wandering through my old memories—blinding bright visions of the Phoenix sun, my mother's face, a ramshackle tree house, a faded quilt, a wall of mirrors, a flame on the black water…I forgot each of them as soon as the picture changed.**

"Great, so it takes jumping off cliffs to get your nightmares to go away," Edward grumbled.

**The last picture was the only one that stuck in my head. It was meaningless—just a set on a stage. A balcony at night, a painted moon hanging in the sky. I watched the girl in her nightdress lean on the railing and talk to herself. **

Edward chuckled. "Kind of like Romeo and Juliet all over again."

**Meaningless…but when I slowly struggled back to consciousness, Juliet was on my mind. Jacob was still asleep; he'd slumped down to the floor and his breathing was deep and even. The house was darker now than before, it was black outside the window. I was stiff, but warm and almost dry. The inside of my throat burned with every breath I took.**

"Not much different from now, huh little sis?" Emmett grinned. I grinned back.

"Well, no. Because now, I can choose whether I want to breathe in first place or not," I laughed.

**I was going to have to get up—at least to get a drink. But my body just wanted to lie here limp, to never move again.**

"Not very hard to do that anymore, either," Jasper chuckled.

**Instead of moving, I thought about Juliet some more. I wondered what she would have done if Romeo had left her, not because he was banished, but because he lost interest? What if Rosalind had given him the time of day, and he'd changed his mind? What if, instead of marrying Juliet, he'd just disappeared?**

"It's no big deal, seeing as, eventually he would have come back to Juliet, because Juliet was the only girl he ever truly loved and cared for," Edward said ever-so-sweetly. I smiled at him, and leaned up to kiss him softly on the lips.

**I thought I knew how Juliet would fell. She wouldn't go back on her old life, not really. She wouldn't ever have moved on. I was sure of that. Even if she'd lived until she was old and gray, every time she closed her eyes, it would have been Romeo's face that she saw behind her lids. She would have accepted that, eventually.**

"Trust me, _Romeo_ would have felt the same way. Nothing can get in between true love. Not even a wolf, I mean Paris," Alice said, correcting herself.

**I wondered if she would have married Paris in the end, just to please her parents, to keep the peace. No, probably not, I decided.**

Jake growled a little.

**But then, the story didn't say much about Paris. He was just a stick figure—a placeholder, a threat, a deadline to force her hand. What if there were more to Paris? What if Paris had been Juliet's friend? Her very best friend? What if he was the only one she could confide in about the whole devastating thing with Romeo? The one person who really understood her and made her feel halfway human again?**

"Then he would have had a happy ending as well," Jake said with a smile. "But not definitely with Juliet. But that doesn't mean he wouldn't still be happy about who he ends up with." Nessie gave him a hug.

**What if he was patient and kind? What if he took care of her? What if Juliet knew she couldn't survive without him? What if he really loved her, and wanted her to be happy? And…what if she loved Paris? Not like Romeo. Nothing like that, of course. But enough that she wanted him to be happy, too?**

It went really quiet in the room for a few moments.

"As long as you love me more, that's all that matters," Edward said with a grin.

**Jacob's slow, deep breathing was the only sound in the room—like a lullaby hummed to a child, like the whisper of a rocking chair, like the ticking of an old clock when you had nowhere you needed to go…It was the sound of comfort. If Romeo had really gone, never coming back, would it have mattered whether or not Juliet had taken Paris up on his offer?**

"Too bad that he did come back," Jake grumbled. "Eventually." He then flashed a huge grin. "You know, if Bella hadn't seen Carlisle's car, I was inches away from kissing her, and she wasn't about to say no." Edward growled. Then I felt a wave of calm rush over.

**Maybe she should have tried to settle into the leftover scraps of life that were left behind.**

"Jeez, thanks Bells. I'm leftover scraps, now," Jake muttered.

**Maybe that would have been as close to happiness as she could get. I sighed, and then groaned when the sigh scraped my throat. I was reading too much into the story. Romeo wouldn't change his mind. That's why people still remember his name, always twined with hers; Romeo and Juliet. That's why it's a good story.**

(Author moment- hehe that's why Twilight's a good story too, lmao!!)

**"Juliet gets dumped and ends up with Paris" would have never been a hit.**

"Agreed," Edward grinned.

**I closed my eyes and drifted again, letting my mind wander away from the stupid play I didn't want to think about anymore. I thought about reality instead—about jumping off the cliff and what a brainless mistake that had been.**

"You could say that again," Alice commented.

**And not just the cliff, but the motorcycles and the whole irresponsible Evel Knievel bit. What if something bad happened to me? What would that do to Charlie? Harry's heart attack had pushed everything into perspective for me.**

"It's not too bad taking chances every now and then," Garrett complimented me.

"Yeah, unless you are the clumsiest person on the face of this earth," Edward responded.

"Good point," Garrett chuckled.

**Perspective that I didn't want to see, because—if I admitted to the truth of it—it would mean that I would have to change my ways. Could I live like that? Maybe. It wouldn't be easy; in fact, it would be downright miserable to give up my hallucinations and try to be a grown-up. But maybe I should do it.**

"Pretty soon, you won't have to," Alice grinned from ear to ear.

**And maybe I could. If I had Jacob. I couldn't make that decision right now. It hurt too much. I'd think about something else. Images from my ill-considered afternoon stunt rolled through my head while I tried to come up with something pleasant to think about…the feel of the air as I fell, the blackness of the water, the thrashing of the current…Edward's face…I lingered there for a long time.**

"Wow, didn't know this was pleasant to think about," Tanya commented. I lightly chuckled.

**Jacob's warm hands, trying to beat life back into me…the stinging rain flung down by the purple clouds…the strange fire on the waves…**

Carlisle gasped. "That wasn't fire at all, was it?" he pushed. I shook my head slowly. The rest of the Cullens gasped.

**There was something familiar about that flash of color on top of the water. Of course it couldn't really be fire—My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a car squelching through the mud on the road outside. I heard it stop in front of the house, and doors started opening and closing. I thought about sitting up, and then decided against that idea. Billy's voice was easily identifiable, but he kept it uncharacteristically low, so that it was only a gravelling grumble.**

"We always did say, you could know it's Billy from a hundred miles away," Embry joked.

**The door opened, and the light flicked on. I blinked, momentarily blind. **

Emmett walked out of the room, went to his room, and came back down with a big stick. "There, now you can find your way around," he said, grinning at me. I laughed.

**Jake startled awake, gasping and jumping to his feet.**

Quil and Embry laughed. "Nice going, Jake."

**"Sorry," Billy grunted. "Did we wake you?" My eyes slowly focused on his face, and then, as I could read his expression, they filled with tears. "Oh, no, Billy!" I moaned. He nodded slowly, his expression hard with grief. Jake hurried to his father and took one of his hands. The pain made his face suddenly childlike—it looked odd on top of the man's body. Sam was right behind Billy, pushing his chair through the door. His normal composure was absent from his agonized face.**

"Bella, this _really_ was a stupid time to act reckless on your own," Edward scolded again.

"How was I supposed to know what happened??" I responded back.

"There shouldn't have been any time to be reckless. It's a stupid idea."

**"I'm so sorry," I whispered. Billy nodded. "It's gonna be hard all around." "Where's Charlie?"**

"Knowing him so well, he's probably one of the first ones at the hospital," Carlisle said. I nodded.

**"Your dad is still at the hospital with Sue. There are a lot of…arrangements to be made." I swallowed hard. "I'd better get back there," Sam mumbled, and he ducked hastily out the door. Billy pulled his hand away from Jacob, and then he rolled himself through the kitchen toward his room. Jake stared after him for a minute, then came to sit on the floor beside me again. He put his face in his hands. I rubbed his shoulder, wishing I could think of anything to say.**

"Sometimes it's okay not to say anything," Esme said calmly.

**After a long moment, Jacob caught my hand and held it to his face. "How are you feeling? Are you okay? I probably should have taken you to a doctor or something." He sighed.**

"Yeah, if you took her to a doctor, then Charlie would have found out. You know she wouldn't want that to happen," Alice said.

**"Don't worry about me," I croaked. He twisted his head to look at me. His eyes were rimmed in red. "You don't look so good." "I don't feel so good, either, I guess." "I'll go get your truck and then take you home—you probably ought to be there when Charlie gets back." "Right." I lay listlessly on the sofa while I waited for him. Billy was silent in the other room. I felt like a peeping tom, peering through the cracks at a private sorrow that wasn't mine.**

"Bella, we would never consider you a peeping tom," Jake cooed to me.

**It didn't take Jake long. The roar of my truck's engine broke the silence before I expected it. He helped me up from the couch without speaking, keeping his arm around my shoulder when the cold air outside made me shiver.**

"Nothing was colder than the night before the fight in the opening. If it weren't for you, Jake, I probably would have frozen to death."

**He took the driver's seat without asking, and then pulled me next to his side to keep his arm around me. I leaned my head against his chest. "How will you get home?" I asked.**

"He's a wolf, who is apparently faster than me. I don't think he's worried about how to get home," Edward chuckled.

**"I'm not going home. We still haven't caught the bloodsucker, remember?" My next shudder had nothing to do with cold. It was a quiet ride after that. The cold air had woken me up. My mind was alert, and it was working very hard and very fast. What if? What was the right thing to do? I couldn't imagine my life without Jacob now—I cringed away from the idea of even trying to imagine that. But to leave things the way they were…was that cruel, as Mike had accused?**

"Very," Jake muttered quietly.

**I remembered wishing that Jacob were my brother. I realized now that all I really wanted was a claim on him. It didn't feel brotherly when he held me like this. It just felt nice—warm and comforting and familiar. Safe. Jacob was a safe harbor.**

"I wish I could have been more," he muttered again.

"Either way, I would have come back. Therefore, she would have still gone to Italy to save Edward. At this point, I was already sitting across the street waiting for Charlie. Then it would have been awkward, if she truly fell in love with you, dumped you for Edward, and then what would have happened when she had Nessie here??" Alice asked in a very fast rate of speech. We just stared at her in amazement. "Point is, she would have ended up with her true love one way or the other, and so would you."

**I could stake a claim. I had that much within my power. I'd have to tell him everything, I knew that. It was the only way to be fair. I'd have to explain it right, so that he'd know I wasn't settling, that he was much too good for me.**

"No one is too good for you, Bella," Edward said sweetly. "Any guy would deserve you." I smiled at him.

**He'd already known I was broken, that part wouldn't surprise him, but he'd need to know the extent of it. I'd even have to admit that I was crazy—explain about the voices I heard. He'd need to know everything before he made a decision.**

I saw Edward concentrate for a minute. "He would have accepted you, crazy or normal."

**But, even as I recognized that necessity, I knew he would take me in spite of it all. He wouldn't even pause to think it through. I would have to commit to this—commit as much of me as there was left, every one of the broken pieces. It was the only way to be fair to him. Would I? Could I?**

Alice grinned. "Luckily, after that night, you didn't have to worry about it anymore."

"No, instead, she had to worry about a suicidal vampire!" Jake growled. Alice growled back.

"ENOUGH!" Esme nearly shouted. It went really quiet for a few moments.

**Would it be so wrong to try to make Jacob happy? Even if the love I felt for him was no more than a weak echo of what I was capable of, even if my heart was far away, wandering and grieving after my fickle Romeo, would it be so wrong?**

"It just wouldn't be the same if we ended up together and I knew that you weren't completely happy. I just wouldn't be able to live with myself," he said quietly.

**Jacob stopped the truck in front of my dark house, cutting the engine so it was suddenly silent. Like so many other times, he seemed to be in tune with my thoughts now. He threw his other arm around me, crushing me against his chest, binding me to him. Again, this felt nice. Almost like being a whole person again. I thought he would be thinking of Harry, but then he spoke, and his tone apologetic.**

"You know, I saw all this," Alice smirked. Jake growled again.

**"Sorry. I know you don't feel exactly the way I do, Bells. I swear I don't mind. I'm just so glad you're okay that I could sing—and that's something no one wants to hear." He laughed his throaty laugh in my ear.**

All of a sudden, Edward grabbed me by the waist, pulled me on his lap, and started kissing me like no one was around. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Seth cover Nessie's eyes. After we came up for air, Edward smiled. "No, she really doesn't feel the same way that you do." I chuckled and sat back down. Jake sat there, dumbfounded. Emmett and Alice joined in the laughter.

"Okay, enough guys. I think you've done enough torture to poor Jakie over here," Quil joked. All of a sudden, a wave of calm went over the room. Alice glared at her husband and huffed exaggeratedly. After it all calmed down, I read again.

**My breath kicked up notch, sanding the walls of my throat. Wouldn't Edward, indifferent as he might be, want me to be as happy as was possible under the circumstances? Wouldn't enough friendly emotion linger for him to want that much for me? I thought he would. He wouldn't begrudge me this: giving just a small bit of the love he didn't want to my friend Jacob. After all, it wasn't the same love at all.**

"As long as you love me more," Edward grinned at me. I grinned back.

**Jake pressed his warm cheek against the top of my hair. If I turned my face to the side—if I pressed my lips against his bare shoulder…I knew without any doubt exactly what would follow. It would be very easy. There would be no need for explanations tonight. **

"I'm so glad I showed up," Alice said cheerfully.

**But could I do it? Could I betray my absent heart to save my pathetic life? Butterflies assaulted my stomach as I thought about turning my head. And then, as clearly as if I were in immediate danger, Edward's velvet voice whispered in my ear. "Be happy," he told me.**

I heard a gasp come from next to me. "My own voice has betrayed me." I laughed.

**I froze. Jacob felt me stiffen and released me automatically, reaching for the door. **_**Wait, **_**I wanted to say. **_**Just a minute**_**. But I was still locked in place, listening to the echo of Edward's voice in my head. Storm-cooled air blew through the cab of the truck. "OH!" The breath whooshed out of Jacob like someone had punched him in the gut. "Holy crap!"**

"That might have been fun," Alice smiled.

"I agree," Rose said with a smirk.

**He slammed the door and twisted the keys in the ignition in the same moment. His hands were shaking so hard I didn't know how he managed it. "What's wrong?" He revved the engine too fast; it sputtered and faltered.**

"Nice going," Jasper laughed.

**"Vampire," he spit out.**

"Werewolf," Alice spit out. Everyone laughed.

**The blood rushed from my head and left me dizzy. "How do you know?" "Because I can smell it! Damnit!"**

"Then you should have known that the smell was not Victoria. I thought we all have different scents to you guys."

"You do, but in the moment, the first person I thought of was Victoria," Jake responded to Carlisle's comment. Carlisle nodded, understanding.

**Jacob's eyes were wild, raking the dark street. He barely seemed aware of the tremors that were rolling through his body. "Phase or get her out of here?" he hissed at himself. **

"Neither," Alice smiled.

**He looked down at me for a split second, taking in my horror-struck eyes and white face, and then he was scanning the street again. "Right. Get you out."**

"You won't be scared for too much longer," Alice said with a smile on her face.

**The engine caught with a roar. The tires squealed as he spun the truck around, turning toward our only escape. The headlights washed across the pavement, lit the front line of the black forest, and finally glinted off a car parked across the street from my house. "Stop!" I gasped.**

"Wait, you have a vampire coming after you, and you want him to stop the car??" Paul asked in shock.

**It was a black car—a car I knew. I might be the furthest thing from an autophile,**

"That's an understatement," Jake chuckled.

**But I could tell you everything about that particular car. It was a Mercedes S55 AMG. I knew the horsepower and the color of the interior. I knew the feel of the powerful engine purring through the frame. I knew the rich smell of the leather seats and the way the extra-dark tint made noon look like dusk through those windows.**

"Yeah, I had those windows tinted like that just in case I'm driving in a sunny day."

**It was Carlisle's car.**

I smiled, remembering good times.

**"Stop!" I cried again, louder this time, because Jacob was gunning the truck down the street. "What?!"**

Edward chuckled. "You must have thought she was out of her mind."

**"It's not Victoria. Stop, stop! I want to go back." He stomped on the brake so hard I had to catch myself against the dashboard. "What?" he asked again, aghast. He stared at me with horror in his eyes.**

Carlisle lightly chuckled. "That must have been some shock to you, since you probably thought it was Victoria, so Bella must have been out of her mind in your view."

**"It's Carlisle's car! It's the Cullens. I know it" He watched dawn break across my face, and a violent tremor rocked his frame.**

Edward's eyes widened.

**"Hey, calm down, Jake. It's okay. No danger, see? Relax." "Yeah, calm," he panted, putting his head down and closing his eyes. **

"All I was thinking was that now they're back, and everything I worked for was about to be dumped down the drain," Jake said grimly.

**While he concentrated on not exploding into a wolf, I stared out the back window at the black car. It was just Carlisle, I told myself. Don't expect anything more. Maybe Esme…**_**Stop right there,**_** I told myself. Just Carlisle. That was plenty. More than I'd ever hoped to have again.**

"What about your best friend?" Alice sobbed lightly.

I blushed, or would have if I was able to. "Sorry," was all I was able to say.

**"There's a vampire in your house," Jacob hissed. "And you **_**want**_** to go back?"**

"Do you expect anything more from her?" Paul hissed. Edward shot a glare at him, and he went quiet.

**I glanced at him, ripping my unwilling eyes off the Mercedes—terrified that it would disappear the second I looked away.**

"I wouldn't ever do that," Alice said honestly.

**"Of course," I said, my voice blank with surprise at his question. Of course I wanted to go back. Jacob's face hardened while I stared at him, congealing into the bitter mask that I'd thought was gone for good.**

"Yeah, until I realized that it was all a ploy," he grumbled.

**Just before he had the mask in place, I caught the spasm of betrayal that flashed in his eyes. His hands were still shaking. He looked ten years older than me. He took a deep breath. "You're sure it's not a trick?" he asked in as low, heavy voice. "It's not a trick. It's Carlisle. Take me back!"**

"I'm glad you know his car so well. Who know what would have happened if you didn't go back. If I didn't know that you survived." It went really quiet in the room for the a few moments. All eyes were on Edward. I cleared my throat loudly, which made everyone jump, and take their focus off him.

**A shudder rippled through his wide shoulders, but his eyes were flat and emotionless. "No." "Jake, it's okay—" "No. Take yourself back, Bella." His voice was a slap—I flinched as the sound of it struck me. His jaw clenched and unclenched.**

Edward, Alice, and Emmett growled all at the same time.

**"Look, Bella," he said in the same hard voice. "I can't go back. Treaty or no treaty, that's my enemy in there."**

Rose chuckled. "Too late for that now, isn't it?" Jake looked down at Nessie, and tried to hold back a smile, but I saw it slip. I smiled at them.

**"It's not like that—" "I have to tell Sam right away. This changes things. We can't be caught on their territory." "Jake, it's not a war!"**

"I'm pretty amazed it didn't turn out to be one, after all that happens after Italy," I commented. "Although, I'm glad it didn't become a war, because if you didn't team together, Victoria might not have been taken down."

**He didn't listen. He put the truck in neutral and jumped out the door, leaving it running.**

"Some friend," Alice commented.

"**Bye, Bella," he called back over his shoulder. "I really hope you don't die." **

"Interesting way to end a conversation," Jasper chuckled.

**He sprinted into the darkness, shaking so hard that his shape seemed blurred; he disappeared before I could open my mouth to call to him. Remorse pinned me against the seat for one long second. What had I just done to Jacob?**

"You put me through hell of a lot of pain and agony and betrayal," he responded. I couldn't respond. I looked down in my lap, ashamed for a few moments. After Jasper sent calmness over me, I read again.

**But remorse couldn't hold me very long. I slid across the seat and put the truck back in drive. My hands were shaking almost as hard as Jake's had been, and this took a minute of concentration. Then I carefully turned the truck around and drove it back to my house.**

I saw Alice getting all excited, and jumping up and down in her seat with a huge smile on her face. I laughed. She grinned over at me.

**It was dark when I turned off the headlights. Charlie had left in such a hurry that he'd forgotten to leave the porch lamp on.**

"Bella, I'm sure he wasn't worried about _that," _Edward said in a serious voice.

**I felt a pang of doubt, staring at the house, deep in shadow. What if it **_**was **_**a trick? **

"I do have to admit, Bella that you were too fast to believe it was us. I would have to agree that you should have been careful about it," Edward said.

**I looked back at the black car, almost invisible in the night. No. I knew that car. Still, my hands were shaking even worse than before as I reached for the key above the door. When I grabbed the doorknob to unlock it, it twisted easily under my hand. I let the door fall open.**

"I have to say, I was pretty shocked to see that it was you in the hallway. I really thought that you had died."

"So did I," Edward said very quietly.

**The hallway was black. I wanted to call out a greeting, but my throat was too dry. I couldn't quite seem to catch my breath.**

"If you called out a greeting, I would have come running so fast, you wouldn't even know what hit you," Alice said, chuckling.

**I took a step inside and fumbled for the light switch. It was so black—like the black water…Where was that switch?**

"Yeah, she definitely wouldn't have known what hit her, since she couldn't see," Edward chuckled.

**Just like the black water, with the orange flame flickering impossibly on top of it. Flame that couldn't be a fire, but what then…? My fingers traced the wall, still searching, still shaking— Suddenly, something Jacob had told me this afternoon echoed in my head, finally sinking in…**_**She took off into the water**_**, he'd said. **_**The bloodsuckers have the advantage there. That's why I raced home—I was afraid she was going to double back swimming.**_** My hand froze in its searching, my whole body froze into place, as I realized why I recognized the strange orange color on the water.**

"Victoria," Edward whispered, noticeably upset.

**Victoria's hair, blowing wild in the wind, the color of fire… She'd been right there. Right there in the harbor with me and Jacob. If Sam hadn't been there, if it had been just the two of us…? I couldn't breathe or move.**

"Then we would have been together in heaven by now," Edward said even quieter than before.

**The light flicked on, though my frozen hand had still not found the switch. I blinked into the sudden light, and saw that someone was there, waiting for me.**

Alice got up, picked up Nessie from Jake's arms, and started skipping around the room, happily sing-songing "I wonder who that could be. I wonder who that could be." Then that infamous wave of calm came over.

"Killjoy," Alice muttered to her husband, who chuckled.

**There's another chapter. And… EEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Alice is back, Alice is back Alice is back!!!! I'm just a **_**little**_** excited to get started on the next chapter. I can't wait. Please review. The more reviews, the quicker I write the next chapter :-D**


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer:**

**Writer starts dancing around the room with Nessie.**

"**Alice is back! Alice is back Alice is back!" She feels a wave of calm come over her.**

"**JASPER!!!! How can you calm me down????? Alice is back!!" She shouts excitedly. Another wave of calmness comes over. This time it works. Jodie (author) storms over to couch next to Edward and Bella and slumps.**

"**Ahem, you forgot one more thing," Jasper reminds me.**

"**I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT, happy???"**

**Haha random moment that was fun. But seriously, I can't believe we are up to the part where Alice is back!!! I'm so siked! I know you guys are too. So enjoy the chapter, because ALICE IS BACK!!! It feels so nice to write a nice, light chapter for once. Especially since next chapter, it won't be light again. Next chapter is the vision.**

Chapter 21 (Chapter 17- Visitor)

Still just as excited as Alice about this chapter, I began to read.

**Unnaturally still and white, with her large black eyes intent on my face, my visitor waited perfectly motionless in the center of the hall, beautiful beyond imagining.**

"Wait a minute," Edward said seriously. "Your eyes were black??"

"Well, I had the vision, and I rushed over without eating. I didn't know what to expect," Alice responded.

**My knees trembled for a second, and I nearly fell.**

"Ha-ha, good old Bella. It just never fails," Emmett laughed.

**Then I hurled myself at her. "Alice, oh, Alice!" I cried, as I slammed into her.**

"That's gotta hurt," Jasper laughed.

**I'd forgotten how **_**hard**_** she was; it was like running headlong into a wall of cement.**

"My point exactly," Jasper chuckled again.

**"Bella?" There was a strange mingling of relief and confusion in her voice.**

"Yeah, well, I thought you were dead," Alice chuckled.

"Nice to see you, too," I joked.

**I locked my arms around her, gasping to inhale as much of the scent of her skin as possible. It wasn't like anything else—not floral or spice, citrus or musk. No perfume in the world could compare. My memory hadn't done it justice.**

"Problem was, as you inhaled my scent, I couldn't help but inhale yours. Remember, my eyes were black. Not the most genius idea on your behalf," Alice reminded me.

**I didn't notice when the gasping turned into something else—I only realized I was sobbing when Alice dragged me to the living room couch and pulled me into her lap. It was like curling up into a cool stone, but a stone that was contoured comfortingly to the shape of my body. She rubbed my back in a gentle rhythm, waiting for me to get control of myself.**

"You needed to get control of yourself as well, Alice," Esme reminded her sternly.

**"I'm…sorry," I blubbered. "I'm just…so happy…to see you!" "It's okay, Bella. Everything's okay." "Yes," I bawled. And, for once, it seemed that way. Alice sighed. "I'd forgotten how exuberant you are," she said, and her tone was disapproving.**

"See, I told you it was dangerous to go back," Jake grumbled.

**I looked up at her through my streaming eyes. Alice's neck was tight, straining away from me, her lips pressed together firmly. Her eyes were black as pitch. **

Edward growled. "How could you come back before eating?? You should have known better! You put yourself and Bella in danger!"

"I didn't think. I acted."

"What if it was Charlie who walked through the door? Would you have been able to control yourself then?" he pushed. Alice went quiet.

**"Oh," I puffed, as I realized the problem. She was thirsty. And I smelled appetizing. It had been a while since I'd had to think about that kind of thing. "Sorry." "It's my own fault. It's been too long since I hunted. I shouldn't let myself get so thirsty. But I was in a hurry today." The look she directed at me then was a glare. "Speaking of which, would you like to explain to me how you're alive?"**

The whole room burst out laughing, thinking about how funny this question sounded from an outside viewer.

**That brought me up short and stopped the sobs. I realized what must have happened immediately, and why Alice was here.**

"You know, if you weren't looking into her future, like you were told, the mess wouldn't have started up."

"You know what Edward, if I didn't see this vision, you guys would have never been back together, and I couldn't take that either. I would have come back anyway, at some point," Alice retorted.

**I swallowed loudly. "You saw me fall." "No," she disagreed, her eyes narrowing. "I saw you **_**jump**_**. I pursed my lips as I tried to think of an explanation that wouldn't sound nuts.**

"No offense, Bella, but you were nuts," Quil joked. Jake smacked him over the head.

** Alice shook her head. "I told him this would happen, but he didn't believe me. 'Bella promised,'" her voice imitated his so perfectly that I froze in shock while the pain ripped through my torso. "Don't go looking for her future, either," she continued to quote him. "We've done enough damage."**

I saw Edward slump in his seat next to me.

**"But just because I'm not looking, doesn't mean I don't **_**see**_**," she went on. "I wasn't keeping tabs on you, I swear, Bella. It's just that I'm already attuned to you…when I saw you jumping, I didn't think, I just got on a plane.**

"Yeah, and apparently, being in tune with Bella put us in deep shit," Rose commented.

"Rose! Watch your language!" Esme scolded Rose.

"Sorry, Esme."

**"I knew I would be too late, but I couldn't do **_**nothing**_**. And then I get here, thinking maybe I could help Charlie somehow, and you drive up." She shook her head, this time in confusion. Her voice was strained. I saw you go into the water and I waited and waited for you to come up, but you didn't. What happened?**

"He he, psy vamp can't see me," Jake mocked. Alice growled.

**"And how could you do that to Charlie? Did you stop to think what this would do to him? And my brother? Do you have **_**any **_**idea what Edward—"**

"Yeah, unfortunately, I do know what it would do to Edward," I pointed out glumly.

**I cut her off then, as soon as she said her name. I'd let her go on, even after I realized the misunderstanding she was under, just to hear the perfect bell tone of her voice. But it was time to interrupt. "Alice, I wasn't committing suicide."**

"No, but it's not far off, with your clumsiness," Edward reminded me.

**She eyed me dubiously. "Are you saying you didn't jump off a cliff?" "No, but…" I grimaced. "It was for recreational purposes only." **

Edward scoffed. "Recreation, right."

**Her expression hardened. "I'd seen some of Jacob's friends cliff diving," I insisted. "It looked like…fun, and I was bored…"**

Jacob laughed. "As if that was the real reason," he commented.

**She waited. "I didn't think about how the storm would affect the currents.**

"Clearly," Edward muttered.

**"Actually, I didn't think about the water much at all." Alice didn't buy it. I could see that she still thought I had been trying to kill myself. I decided to redirect. "So if you saw me go in, why didn't you see Jacob?"**

"Stinken werewolf," Alice muttered under her breath. Edward and Jake both chuckled.

"Well, then I guess I'm that stinken shield," I said smirking at him. He grinned back and laughed.

"I guess so."

**She cocked her head, distracted. I continued. "It's true that I probably would have drowned if Jacob hadn't jumped in after me. **

"Probably?" Alice asked incredulously.

**"Well, okay, there's no probably about it. But he did, and he pulled me out, and I guess he towed me back to shore, though I was kind of out for that part. It couldn't have been more than a minute that I was under before he grabbed me. How come you didn't see that?" She frowned in perplexity. "Someone pulled you out?" "Yes. Jacob saved me." I watched curiously as an enigmatic range of emotions flitted across her face. Something was bothering her—her imperfect vision? But I wasn't sure. Then she deliberately leaned in and sniffed my shoulder.**

Jacob chuckled. "Isn't my smell _pretty_?" he grinned at her. She let a small growl escape.

**I froze.**

"Yeah, if you're cold now, don't live in Alaska like Tanya and her family," Emmett teased. I laughed.

**"Don't be ridiculous," he muttered, sniffing at me some more. "What are you doing?" She ignored my question. "Who was with you out there just now? It sounded like you were arguing." "Jacob Black. He's…sort of my best friend, I guess. At least, he was…" I thought of Jacob's angry, betrayed face, and wondered what he was to me now.**

Jake grinned. "Still your best friend," he said proudly.

**Alice nodded, seeming preoccupied. "What?" "I don't know," she said. "I'm not sure what it means." "Well, I'm not dead, at least." She rolled her eyes. "He was a fool to think you could survive alone. I've never seen anyone so prone to life-threatening idiocy."**

"AGREED!!" All the Cullens said at the same time. My betrayers, sigh.

**"I survived," I pointed out. **

"Bella, that's not the point," Carlisle pointed out.

**She was thinking of something else. "So, if the currents were too much for you, how did this Jacob manage?" "Jacob is…strong."**

Jake handed Nessie to Quil for a minute, took his shirt off, stood up, and started acting like one of those weight lifter guys, showing off his muscles. All the wolves blew wolf whistles (pun intended lmao) at him, while we all stared in amazement and shock. We were all laughing are heads off after he sat back down and took Nessie from Quil.

**She heard the reluctance in my voice, and her eyebrows rose. I gnawed on my lip for a second. Was this a secret, or not? And if it was, then who was my greatest allegiance to? Jacob, or Alice?**

"Pick me! Pick me!" they both shouted.

**"See, well, he's…sort of a werewolf," I admitted in a rush.**

Alice stuck her tongue out at Jake.

**"The Quileuetes turn into wolves when there are vampires around. They know Carlisle from a long time ago. Were you with Carlisle back then?"**

"No, it was just myself, Esme, and Edward."

**Alice gawked at me for a moment, and then recovered herself, blinking rapidly. "Well, I guess that explains the smell," she muttered. "But does it explain what I didn't see?" She frowned, her porcelain forehead creasing. "The smell?" I repeated.**

"That beautiful, delightful smell," Jake grinned. Alice growled.

**"You smell awful," she said absently, still frowning. "A werewolf? Are you sure about that?"**

"Let's check shall we?" Jake teased. He then let out a howl. We all laughed.

**"Very sure," I promised, wincing as I remembered Paul and Jacob fighting in the road. "I guess you weren't with Carlisle the last time there were werewolves here in Forks?" "No. I hadn't found them yet." Alice was still lost in thought. "Your best friend is a werewolf?" I nodded sheepishly. "How long has this been going on?"**

"Not long enough," Edward muttered.

**"Not long," I said, my voice sounding defensive. "He's only been a werewolf for just a few weeks." She glowered at me. "A **_**young **_**werewolf? Even worse! Edward was right—you're a magnet for danger.**

"That's an understatement," Edward commented.

**"Weren't you supposed to be staying out of trouble?"**

"Did you expect anything less?" I chuckled.

**"There's nothing wrong with werewolves," I grumbled, stung by her critical tone. "Until they lose their tempers." She shook her head sharply from side to side. "Leave it to you, Bella. Anyone else would be better off when the vampires left town. But you have to start hanging out with the first monsters you can find."**

"I have to admit, I'm not exactly surprised," Edward slightly chuckled.

**I didn't want to argue with Alice—I was still trembling with joy that she was really, truly here, that I could touch her marble skin and hear her wind-chime voice—but she had it all wrong. "No, Alice, the vampires didn't really leave—not all of them, anyway. That's the whole trouble. If it weren't for the werewolves, Victoria would have gotten me by now. Well, if it weren't for Jake and his friends, Laurent would have gotten me before she could, I guess, so—"**

"And I must thank you for saving her," Edward and Carlisle said at the same time to the wolves.

**"Victoria?" she hissed. "Laurent?" I nodded, a teensy bit alarmed by the expression in her black eyes. I pointed at my chest. "Danger magnet, remember?"**

Everyone laughed.

**She shook her head again. "Tell me everything—start at the beginning." I glossed over the beginning, skipping the motorcycles and the voices, but telling her everything right up to today's misadventures.**

"Well, not knowing about the voices or motorcycles no longer applies, does it?" Emmett chuckled.

**Alice didn't like my thin explanation about boredom and the cliffs, so I hurried on to the strange flame I'd seen on the water and what I thought it meant. Her eyes narrowed almost to slits at that part. It was strange to see her look so…so dangerous—like a vampire. I swallowed hard and went on with the rest about Harry.**

Alice chuckled. "What was I supposed to look like, a pixie?" she joked.

"Well, you kind of do look like one." She laughed harder. "Although, you sure as hell don't fight like one."

**She listened to my story without interrupting. Occasionally, she would shake her head, and the crease in her forehead deepened until it looked like it was carved permanently into the marble of her skin. She didn't speak and, finally, I fell quiet, struck again by the borrowed grief at Harry's passing. I thought of Charlie; he would be home soon. What condition would he be in? "Our leaving didn't do you any good at all, did it?" Alice murmured.**

"Not in the slightest," I responded to the book.

**I laughed once—it was a slightly hysterical sound. "That was never the point, though, was it? It's not like you left for my benefit." Alice scowled at the floor for a moment. "Well…I guess I acted impulsively today. I probably shouldn't have intruded.**

"I'm sure she didn't mind," Edward said.

**I could feel the blood draining from my face. My stomach dropped. "Don't go, Alice," I whispered. My fingers locked around the collar of her white shirt and I began to hyperventilate. "Please don't leave me." Her eyes opened wider. "All right," she said, enunciating each word with slow precision. "I'm not going anywhere tonight. Take a deep breath."**

"Yeah, you should have left,' Edward grumbled. I stared at him in disbelief. "So she could hunt, to be safe," he added. I relaxed.

**I tried to obey, though I couldn't quite locate my lungs. She watched my face while I concentrated on my breathing. She waited till I was calmer to comment. "You look like hell, Bella."**

"Jumping off cliffs in hurricanes can do that to you," Jake joked.

**"I drowned today," I reminded her. "It goes deeper than that. You're a mess." I flinched. "Look, I'm doing my best." "What do you mean?" "It hasn't been easy. I'm working on it."**

"It wasn't easy for us, either," Jasper said.

**She frowned. "I told him," she said to herself.**

"Numerous times," Edward commented. "I was just too stupid to realize it," he muttered under his breath.

**"Alice," I sighed. "What did you think you were going to fin? I mean, besides me dead? Did you expect to find me skipping around and whistling show tunes? You know me better than that."**

"That would have been an interesting sight, indeed," Emmett laughed. The rest of the Cullens laughed as well.

**"I do. But I hoped." "Then I guess I don't have the corner on the idiocy market." The phone rang. "That has to be Charlie," I said, staggering to my feet. I grabbed Alice's stone hand and dragged her with me to the kitchen. I wasn't about to let her out of my sight.**

"Don't worry, I wouldn't have left," she told me.

"I know, but I was just so excited to see you, that I didn't want to lose the sight of you," I told her.

**"Charlie?" I answered the phone. "No, it's me," Jacob said. "Jake!"**

"This should be interesting," Jasper chuckled.

**Alice scrutinized my expression. "Just making sure you were still alive," Jacob said sourly. "I'm fine. I told you that it wasn't—" "Yeah. I got it. Bye." Jacob hung up on me. **

"Interesting," Edward said curiously.

**I sighed and let my head hang back, staring at the ceiling. "That's going to be a problem." Alice squeezed my hand. "They aren't excited I'm here."**

"That's an understatement," Sam commented.

**"Not especially. But it's none of their business anyway." Alice put her arm around me. "So what do we do now?" she mused. She seemed to talk to herself for a moment. "Things to do. Loose ends to tie."**

"Another understatement," Edward commented.

**"What things to do?" Her face was suddenly careful. "I don't know for sure…I need to see Carlisle." Would she leave so soon? My stomach dropped. "Could you stay?" I begged. "Please? For just a little while. I've missed you so much." My voice broke.**

"We definitely can see that now," Carlisle said. "Thank you so much for finding this book. It helped all of us realize just how hard it was for you when you left." The rest of the family nodded in agreement.

**"If you think that's a good idea." Her eyes were unhappy.**

"I don't like the idea, unless you hunt first," Edward grumbled, noticeably upset.

**"I do. You can stay here—Charlie would love that." "I have a house, Bella." I nodded, disappointed but resigned. She hesitated, studying me. "Well, I need to go get a suitcase of clothes, at the very least."**

Edward chuckled.

**I threw my arms around her. "Alice, you're the best!"**

"That's what sisters are for," Alice grinned at me.

**"And I think I'll need to hunt. Immediately," she added in a strained voice.**

"Thank god," Edward finally said in relief.

**"Oops," I took a step back. "Can you stay out of trouble for one hour?" she asked skeptically.**

"Hardly," Edward teased with a smile on his face. I stuck my tongue out at him.

**Then, before I could answer, she held up one finger and closed her eyes. Her face went smooth and blank for a few seconds. And then her eyes opened and she answered her own question. "Yes, you'll be fine. For tonight, anyway." She grimaced. Even making faces, she looked like an angel.**

"So do you," Alice smiled.

**"You'll come back?" I asked in a small voice. "I promise—one hour." I glanced up at the clock over the kitchen table. She laughed and leaned in quickly to kiss me on the cheek. Then she was gone. I took a deep breath. Alice would be back. I suddenly felt so much better.**

"I'm glad to be of assistance," Alice said.

**I had plenty to do to keep myself busy while I waited. A shower was definitely first on the agenda. I sniffed my shoulders as I undressed, but I couldn't smell anything but the brine and seaweed scent of the ocean. I wondered what Alice had meant about me smelling bad.**

"Those stinky dogs," Emmett hissed. Edward chuckled.

**When I was cleaned up, I went back to the kitchen. I couldn't see any signs that Charlie had eaten recently, and he would probably be hungry when he got back. I hummed tunelessly to myself as I moved around the kitchen. While Thursday's casserole rotated in the microwave, I made up the couch with sheets and an old pillow.**

"What good is that going to do?" Edward laughed.

"It's to make it look real for Charlie," I responded with a chuckle.

**Alice wouldn't need it, but Charlie would need to see it. I was careful not to watch the clock. There was no reason to start myself panicking; Alice had promised. I hurried through my dinner, not tasting it—just feeling the ache as it slid down my raw throat. Mostly I was thirsty;**

"Jeez Bella, turning into a vampire prematurely?" Emmett joked.

**I must have drunk a half gallon of water by the time I was finished. All the salt in my system had dehydrated me. I went to go try to watch TV while I waited. Alice was already there, sitting on her improvised bed. Her eyes were a liquid butterscotch.**

"Thank you," Edward said to her. She nodded, understanding.

**She smiled and patted the pillow. "Thanks." "You're early," I said, elated. I sat down next to her and leaned my head on her shoulder. She put her cold arms around me and sighed. "Bella. What **_**are**_** we going to do with you?" "I don't know," I admitted. "I really have been trying my hardest." "I believe you." It was silent. "Does—does he…" I took a deep breath. It was harder to say his name out loud, even though I was able to think it now. "Does Edward know you're here?"**

It went really quiet in the room. I guess we were all thinking about when and how he found out about Alice being there.

**I couldn't help asking. It was my pain, after all. I'll deal with it when she was gone. I promised myself, and felt sick at the thought. "No."**

"Yet," Edward muttered under his breath.

**There was only one way that could be true. "He's not with Carlisle and Esme?" "He checks in every few months." "Oh." He must still be out enjoying his distractions.**

"Or hiding in an attic in the middle of nowhere," he muttered again.

**I focused my curiosity on a safer topic. "You said you flew here…where did you come from?" "I was in Denali. Visiting Tanya's family." "Is Jasper here? Did he come with you?" She shook her head. "He didn't approve of my interfering. We promised…" she trailed off, and then her tone changed. "And you think Charlie won't mind my being here?" she asked, sounding worried.**

I chuckled. "Charlie loves you like a second daughter," I said.

**"Charlie thinks you're wonderful, Alice." "Well, we're about to find out." Sure enough, a few seconds later I heard the cruiser pull into the driveway. I jumped up and hurried to open the door. Charlie trudged slowly up the walk, his eyes on the ground and his shoulders slumped. I walked forward to meet him; he didn't even see me until I hugged him around the waist. He embraced me back fiercely. "I'm so sorry about Harry, Dad." "I'm really going to miss him," Charlie mumbled.**

"We know you do," Sam said to Charlie in the book.

**"How's Sue doing?" "She seems dazed, like she hasn't grasped it yet. Sam's staying with her…" The volume of his voice faded in and out. "Those poor kids. Leah's just a year older than you, and Seth is only fourteen…" He shook his head. He kept his arms tight around me as he started toward the door again. "Um, Dad?" I figured I'd better warn him. "You'll never guess who's here."**

Emmett's eyes lit up. "SANTA CLAUS??????" We all burst out laughing.

**He looked at me blankly. His eyes swiveled around, and he spied the Mercedes across the street, the porch reflecting off the glossy black paint. **

"That must have been a bit of a shock to him," Jasper laughed.

**Before he could react, Alice was in the doorway. "Hi, Charlie," she said in a subdued voice. "I'm sorry I came at such a bad time." "Alice Cullen?" he peered at the slight figure in front of him as if he doubted what his eyes were telling him. "Alice, is that you?"**

"No, it's Santa Claus, apparently," Alice said. We laughed harder.

**"It's me," she confirmed. "I was in the neighborhood." "Is Carlisle…?"**

"Right, as if he's worried about _Carlisle_," Edward scoffed.

**"No, I'm alone." Both Alice and I knew he wasn't really asking about Carlisle. His arm tightened over my shoulder. "She can stay here, can't she?" I pleaded. "I already asked her." "Of course," Charlie said mechanically. We'd love to have you, Alice."**

"Just not me," Edward growled through his teeth.

"No offense, but I don't blame him. Look how you acted when you left," I said to him. He went quiet.

**"Thank you, Charlie. I know it's horrid timing." "No, it's fine, really. I'm going to be really busy doing what I can for Harry's family; it will be nice for Bella to have some company."**

"Yeah, so Charlie could hook up with my mom," Seth laughed. The rest of the pack snickered.

**"There's dinner for you on the table, Dad," I told him. "Thanks, Bell." He gave me one more squeeze before he shuffled toward the kitchen. Alice went back to the couch, and I followed her. This time, she was the one to pull me against her shoulder. "You look tired." "Yeah, I agreed, and shrugged. "Near-death experiences do that to me…So, what does Carlisle think of you being here?"**

"Then I guess you're tired a lot," Emmett chuckled.

**"He doesn't know. He and Esme were on a hunting trip. I'll hear from him in a few days, when he gets back." "You won't tell **_**him**_**, though…when he checks in again?" I asked. She knew I didn't mean Carlisle now. "No. He'd bite my head off," Alice said grimly. I laughed once, and then sighed. **

Edward smirked. He then got up, walked up to Alice, and showed his teeth to try to put her off. Clearly, it didn't work. He walked back and sat down, as we all laughed.

**I didn't want to sleep. I wanted to stay up all night talking to Alice. And it didn't make sense for me to be tired, what with crashing on Jacob's couch all day. But drowning really **_**had **_**taken a lot out of me, and my eyes wouldn't stay open. I rested my head on her stone shoulder, and drifted into a more peaceful oblivion than I had any hope of. I woke early, from a deep and dreamless sleep, feeling well-rested, but stiff.**

Edward chuckled. "I'm amazed you didn't think it was all a dream _again_," he said. I smiled and then laughed.

**I was on the couch tucked under the blankets I laid out for Alice, and I could hear her and Charlie talking in the kitchen. It sounded like Charlie was fixing her breakfast.**

"That must have been interesting," Jasper laughed. Alice pretended to gag.

**"How bad was it, Charlie?" Alice asked softly, and at first I thought they were talking about the Clearwaters. Charlie sighed. "Real bad." "Tell me about it. I want to know exactly what happened when we left." There was a pause while a cupboard door was closed and a dial on the stove was clicked off. I waited, cringing. "I've never felt so hopeless," Charlie began slowly. "I didn't know what to do. That first week—I thought I was going to have to hospitalize her.**

Alice cringed at the thought of being hospitalized. Jasper rubbed her back.

**"She wouldn't eat or drink, she wouldn't move. Dr. Gerandy was throwing around words like 'catatonic,' but I didn't let him up to see her. I was afraid it would scare her. "She snapped out of it though?" "I had Renee come to take her to Florida.**

"I'm glad that didn't work out," Jake said with a grin.

**"I just didn't want to be the one…if she had to go to a hospital or something. I hoped being with her mother would help. But when we started packing her clothes, she woke up with a vengeance.**

"I could never, ever leave Forks," I said. Then I smiled. "Except if it's with you," I added. Edward chuckled.

**"I've never seen Bella throw a fit like that. She was never one for the tantrums, but, boy, did she fly into a fury. She threw the clothes everywhere and screamed that we couldn't make her leave—and then she finally started crying. I thought that would be the turning point. I didn't argue when she insisted on staying here…and she did seem to get better at first…"**

"And then much better when I came along," Jake said proudly. Edward growled.

**Charlie trailed off. It was hard listening to this, knowing how much pain I'd caused him. "But?" Alice prompted. "She went back to school and work, she ate and slept and did her homework. She answered when someone asked her a direct question. But she was…empty. Her eyes were blank. There was lots of little things—she wouldn't listen to music anymore; I found a bunch of CDs broken in the trash. She didn't read; she wouldn't be in the same room when the TV was on, not that she watched it so much before.**

"Wow," I heard throughout the room.

"**I finally figured it out—she was avoiding everything that might remind her of…him. We could hardly talk; I was so worried about saying something that would upset her—the littlest things would make her flinch—and she never volunteered anything. She would just answer if I asked her something. **

I took a deep breath before reading again. This was hard to hear, even if I have heard it before.

**"She was alone all the time. She didn't call her friends back, and after a while, they stopped calling. It was night of the living dead around here. I still hear her screaming in her sleep…" I could almost see him shuddering. I shuddered, too, remembering. And then I sighed. I hadn't fooled him at all, not for one second.**

"You really expected to fool Charlie, of all people??" Edward asked incredulously. I smiled sheepishly.

**"I'm so sorry, Charlie," Alice said, voice glum. "It's not **_**your**_** fault." The way he said it made it perfectly clear that he was holding someone responsible.**

I saw Edward look down in his lap in shame.

**"You were always a good friend to her." "She seems better now, though." "Yeah. Ever since she started hanging out with Jacob Black, I've noticed a real improvement.**

I saw Jake smile a huge grin.

**"She has some color in her cheeks when she comes home, some light in her eyes. She's happier." He paused, and his voice was different when he spoke again. "He's a year or so younger than her, and I know she used to think of him as a friend, but I think maybe it's something more now, or headed that direction, anyway."**

Jake now frowned. "If only it ended up that way," he muttered through clenched teeth.

**Charlie said this in a tone that was almost belligerent. It was a warning, not for Alice, but for her to pass along. "Jake's old for his years," he continued, still sounding defensive.**

"Yeah, middle aged," he said grinning at me. I chuckled.

**"He's taken care of his father physically the way Bella took care of her mother emotionally. It matured him. He's a good-looking kid, too—takes after his mom's side. He's good for Bella, you know," Charlie insisted.**

"I don't think that's going to convince Alice to let Bella stay with him, though," Edward chuckled.

**"Then it's good she has him," Alice agreed.**

"Yeah, more like lied through my teeth," Alice said, grinning at me. I laughed.

**Charlie sighed out a big gust of air, folding quickly to the lack of opposition. "Okay, so I guess that's overstating things. I don't know…even with Jacob, now and then, I see something in her eyes, and I wonder if I've ever grasped how much pain she's really in.**

"Probably not," I muttered quietly.

**"It's not normal, Alice, and it…it frightens me. Not normal at all. Not like someone…left her, but like someone died." His voice cracked.**

Edward chuckled darkly. "I guess you could say that, since I'm a vampire."

**It **_**was **_**like someone had died—like **_**I**_** had died. Because as if that were not enough to kill anyone. it was also losing a whole future, a whole family—the whole life that I'd chosen…**

"We felt the same way, Bella," Esme cooed to me. "Without you, we weren't a complete family."

**Charlie went on in a hopeless tone. "I don't know if she's going to get over it—I'm not sure it it's in her nature to heal from something like this. She's always been such a constant little thing. She doesn't get past things, change her mind." "She's one of a kind," Alice agreed in a dry voice.**

I smiled at her. She smiled back.

**"And Alice..." Charlie hesitated. "Now, you know how fond I am of you, and I can tell that she's happy to see you,. But…I'm a little worried about what your visit will do to her."**

"Oh, no big deal. Just a trip to Italy and back," Alice teased. I laughed.

**"So am I, Charlie, so am I. I wouldn't have come if I'd had any idea. I'm sorry." "Don't apologize, honey. Who knows? Maybe it will be good for her."**

"Yeah, if you weren't here, Edward would have been dead by now," I told her.

**"I hope you're right." There was a long break while forks scraped plates and Charlie chewed. I wondered where Alice was hiding the food.**

"You don't want to know," Alice laughed.

**"Alice, I have to ask you something," Charlie said awkwardly. Alice was calm. "Go ahead." "He's not coming back to visit, too, is he?" I could hear the suppressed anger in Charlie's voice. **

"No, I go to get him," I grinned.

**Alice answered in a soft, reassuring tone. "He doesn't even know I'm here. The last time I spoke to him, he was in South America." I stiffened as I heard this new information, and listened harder. "That's something, at least." Charlie snorted. **

"Charlie snorting coke now?" Emmett joked. Esme glared at him, and he shut up.

**"Well, I hope he's enjoying himself." For the first time, Alice's voice had a bit of steel in it. "I wouldn't make assumptions, Charlie." I knew how her eyes would flash when she used that tone. **

"Yeah, I wouldn't consider hiding out in an attic for months a good time, bro," Jasper commented.

**A chair scooted from the table, scraping loudly across the floor. I pictured Charlie getting up; there was no way Alice would make that kind of noise. The faucet ran, splashing against a dish. It didn't sound like they were going to say anything more about Edward, so I decided it was time to wake up.**

"You think I didn't know you were awake?" Alice asked with a grin. I laughed. I should have figured as much. Vampires can hear the littlest change in movement or heartbeat.

**I turned over, bouncing against the springs to make them squeak. Then I yawned loudly. All was quiet in the kitchen. I stretched and groaned. "Alice?" I asked innocently; the soreness rasping in my throat nicely to the charade. "I'm in the kitchen, Bella," Alice called, no hint in her voice that she suspected my eavesdropping. But she was good at hiding things like that.**

"Yes I am," Alice grinned.

**Charlie had to leave then—he was helping Sue Clearwater with the funeral arrangements. It would have been a very long day without Alice. She never spoke about leaving, and I didn't ask her. I knew it was inevitable, but I put it out of my mind. Instead, we talked about her family—all but one. Carlisle was working nights in Ithaca and teaching part time at Cornell. Esme was restoring a seventeenth century house, a historical monument.**

"I love restorations," Esme said quietly, and sort of to herself, as if in thought.

**Emmett and Rosalie had gone to Europe for a few months on another honeymoon, but they were back now. Jasper was at Cornell, too, studying philosophy this time. And Alice had been doing some personal research, concerning the information I'd accidentally uncovered for her last spring. **

"I wouldn't have been able to do the research I did if it weren't for you finding out what you did."

**She'd successfully tracked down the asylum where she'd spent the last years of her human life. The life she had no memory of. "My name was Mary Alice Brandon," she told me quietly. "I had a little sister named Cynthia. Her daughter—my niece—is still alive in Biloxi."**

"That'd be a shock to her if I showed up there though," she said chuckling.

**"Did you find out why they put you in…that place? What would drive parents to that extreme? Even if their daughter saw visions of the future…**

"That probably was the reason," Carlisle pointed out.

**She just shook her head, her topaz eyes thoughtful. "I couldn't find much about them. I went through all the old newspapers on microfiche. My family wasn't mentioned often; they weren't part of the social circle that made the papers. My parent's engagement was there, and Cynthia's." The name fell uncertainly from her tongue. "My birth was announced…and my death. I found my grave. I also filched my admissions sheet from the old asylum archives. The date on the admission and the date on my tombstone are the same."**

"Wow," came out of Edward's mouth.

"Wait, how come you didn't know that?" I asked, confused.

"Because, during that time, I avoided much of any contact with any of the family. I was pretty out of the blue of what anyone was doing, except when I checked in every few months."

**I didn't know what to say, and, after a short pause, Alice moved on to lighter topics. The Cullens were reassembled now, with the one exception, spending Cornell's spring break in Denali with Tanya and her family. **

"Alaska in the spring. It is just gorgeous there that time of year. With the icicles from the snow melts and the flowers popping up from where the snow has melted, it's just so beautiful," Carmen said. I smiled at the thought. (Author had to do research on that one, since she had no idea when the snow melts in Alaska, lol)

**I listened too eagerly to even the most trivial news. She never mentioned the one I was most interested in, and for that I was grateful.**

"Well, I knew it would hurt you emotionally if I told you what was going on with him."

**It was enough to listen to the stories of the family I once dreamed of belonging to. Charlie didn't get back until after dark, and he looked more worn than he had the night before. Charlie was almost a stranger when he came down the stairs before the sun was up, wearing an old suit I'd never seen on him before. The jacket hung open; I guessed it was too tight to fasten the buttons. His tie was a bit wide for the current style.**

"Too bad he didn't ask me. I could have gotten one of Jasper's suits. They're probably close to the same size," Alice commented.

**He tiptoed to the door, trying not to wake us up. I let him go, pretending to sleep, as Alice did on the recliner. As soon as he was out the door, Alice sat up. Under the quilt, she was fully dressed. "So, what are we doing today?" she asked. "I don't know—do you see anything interesting happening?"**

"Yeah, that stupid wolf comes along and ruins it all."

**She smiled and shook her head. "But it's still early." All the time I'd been spending in La Push meant a pile of things I'd been neglecting at home, and I decided to catch up on my chores. I wanted to do something, anything that might make life easier for Charlie—maybe it would make him feel just a little better to come home to a clean, organized house. I started with the bathroom—it showed the most signs of neglect. While I worked, Alice leaned against the doorjamb and asked nonchalant questions about my, well,**_** our**_** high school friend and what they had been up to since she'd left.**

"I doubt you had much to say about your friends from the sounds of it from the rest of the book," Edward said.

**Her face stayed casual and emotionless, but I sensed her disapproval when she realized how little I could tell her. Or maybe I just had a guilty conscience after eavesdropping on her conversation with Charlie yesterday morning. I was literally up to my elbows in Cornet, scrubbing the floor of the bathtub, when the doorbell rang. I looked to Alice at once, and her expression was perplexed, almost worried, which was strange. Alice was never taken by surprise.**

"Unless a werewolf shows up at your door."

**"Hold on!" I shouted in the general direction of the front door, getting up and hurrying to the sink to rinse my arms off. "Bella," Alice said with a trace of frustration in her voice. "I have a fairly good guess who that might be, and I think I'd better step out."**

"Smart move," Edward commented.

**"Guess?" I echoed. Since when did Alice have to guess anything?**

"Since I can't see those stupid werewolves," she gritted her teeth. Jake smirked.

**"If this is a repeat of my egregious lapse in foresight yesterday, then it's most likely Jacob Black or one of his…friends." I stared at her, putting it together. "You can't **_**see**_** werewolves?"**

Alice looked down. "Or half-breeds," she said, sounding upset. Nessie got up off Jake's lap and gave her a hug. She looked down at her and smiled. Alice picked her up and put her on her lap. Nessie started jumping up and down on her lap. We were all delighted by this sight. It was really sweet.

**She grimaced. "So it would seem." She was obviously annoyed by this fact—**_**very **_**annoyed. The doorbell rang again—buzzing twice quickly and impatiently.**

"Aren't we patient today?" Rose teased. Jake growled.

**"You don't have to go anywhere, Alice. You were here first." She laughed her silvery little laugh—it had a dark edge. "Trust me—it wouldn't be a good idea to have me and Jacob Black in a room together."**

"Too late for that," I chuckled.

**She kissed my cheek swiftly before she vanished through Charlie's door—and out his back window, no doubt. The doorbell rang again.**

**And there's another chapter. That felt nice to write a lighter chapter, and as promised, I'm posting it faster than usual because I got 8 reviews. Thanks to all the reviewers. I HAVE HUGE NEWS JUST ORDERED MY TICKETS FOR MIDNIGHT SHOWING ON THE 20****TH**** AND READY FOR THIS, MOST OF THE THEATERS ARE ALREADY SOLD OUT!!!! Anyway, please review, and I'll see you next chapter :-D**


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in it. **

**Hey guys, it's me again. Wow, the reviews just keep coming in, and I am very grateful for that. This has been a long and strenuous journey, and the reviewers help me keep motivated to continue to finish the book. So thank you so much to all of you. K, new chapter, this is the one where Alice has the vision, so it should be interesting.**

Chapter 22 (Chapter 18- the funeral)

** I sprinted down the stairs and threw the door open. It was Jacob, of course. Even blind, Alice wasn't slow.**

"No, I'm not," she said proudly.

**He was standing about six feet back from the door, his nose wrinkled in distaste, but his face otherwise smooth—masklike. He didn't fool me; I could see the faint trembling of his hands.**

"I'm sorry, I can't help that," Jake said.

**Hostility rolled off of him in waves. It brought back that awful afternoon when he'd chosen Sam over me, and I felt my chin jerk up defensively in response. Jacob's Rabbit idled by the curb with Jared behind the wheel and Embry in the passenger seat. I understood what this meant: they were afraid to let him come here alone.**

"Chicken," Emmett said under his breath.

**It made me sad, and a little annoyed. The Cullens weren't like that. **

"No, we really aren't," Carlisle said calmly.

**"Hey," I finally said when he didn't speak. Jake pursed his lips, still hanging back from the door. His eyes flickered across the front of the house. I ground my teeth. "She's not here. Do you need something?" He hesitated. "You're alone?" "Yes," I sighed.**

Jasper grinned. "You know bro, I would have to agree. He is chicken." At that, Jake got up defensively.

"Enough!" Esme said in a stern but steady voice. It went quiet, and eventually, Jake sat back down.

**"Can I talk to you a minute?' "**_**Of course**_** you can, Jacob. Come on in." Jacob glanced over his shoulder at his friends in the car. I saw Embry shake his head just a tiny bit. For some reason, this bugged me to no end. My teeth clenched together again. "**_**Chicken**_**," I mumbled under my breath.**

Edward, Jasper, And Emmett all burst out laughing. Emmett got up and came over to give me a high five. (Quick author note, I didn't even realize she calls him chicken in the book. I put in the comments from Jasper and Emmett because it fit!!!! LMAO!!!!!!)

**Jacob's eyes flashed back to me, his thick, black brows pushing into a furious angle over his deep-set eyes. His jaw set, and he marched—there was no other way to describe the way he moved—up the sidewalk and shrugged past me into the house.**

Emmett went into singing again. "The ants go marching one by one hurrah hurrah." We were all cracking up, while Jake fake pouted.

**I locked gazes with first Jared and then Embry—I didn't like the hard way they eyed me; did they really think I would let anything hurt Jacob?—before I shut the door on them.**

I saw Jared and Embry both blush a little in embarrassment.

**Jacob was in the hall behind me, staring at the mess of blankets in the living room. "Slumber party?" he asked, his tone sarcastic.**

"I guess in a way you could say that," Alice chuckled.

**"Yeah," I answered with the same level of acid. I didn't like Jacob when he acted this way. "What's it to you?" He wrinkled his nose again like he smelled something unpleasant. "Where's your 'friend'?" I could hear the quotation marks in his tone. "She had some errands to run. Look, Jacob, what do you want?" **

"To keep you away from us, from the looks of it," Alice said, gritting her teeth.

**Something about the room seemed to make him edgier—his long arms were quivering. He didn't answer my question. Instead he moved on to the kitchen, his restless eyes darting everywhere. I followed him. He paced back and forth along the short counter.**

"Great way to make someone more nervous than they already are," Tanya joked.

**"Hey," I said, putting myself in his way. He stopped pacing and stared down at me. "What's your problem?" "I don't like having to be here."**

"Then you didn't need to come," Alice grumbled.

**That stung. I winced, and his eyes tightened. "Then I'm sorry you had to come," I muttered. "Why don't you tell me what you need so you can leave?"**

"Ouch," Seth commented.

**"I just have to ask you a couple of questions. It shouldn't take long. We have to get back for the funeral." "Okay. Get it over with then." I was probably overdoing it with the antagonism, but I didn't want him to see how much this hurt.**

"And I wanted to show you how much it hurt me," Jake responded.

**I knew I wasn't being fair. After all, I'd picked the **_**bloodsucker**_** over his last night. I'd hurt him first.**

Jake growled a little.

**He took a deep breath, and his trembling fingers were suddenly still. His face smoothed into a serene mask. "One of the Cullens is staying here with you," he stated.**

"Duh," Alice said in a matter of fact voice.

**"Yes. Alice Cullen." He nodded thoughtfully. "How long is she here for?' "As long as she wants to be." **

Edward smiled beside me.

**The belligerence was still there in my tone. "It's an open invitation." "Do you think you could…please…explain to her about the other one—Victoria?" I paled. "I told her about that."**

"You should have expected that from me, anyway. The Cullens would always want to know if I'm in immediate danger."

"Yeah, unless they leave you," Jake responded. I growled.

**He nodded. "You should know that we can only watch our own land with a Cullen here. You'll only be safe in La Push. I can't protect you here anymore.**

"I don't think you have to worry about that," Alice commented.

**"Okay," I said in a small voice. He looked away then, out the back windows. He didn't continue. "Is that all?" He kept his eyes on the glass as he answered. "Just one more thing." I waited, but he didn't continue. "Yes?" I finally prompted. "Are the rest of them coming back now?" he asked in a cool, quiet voice.**

Edward chuckled. "I was waiting for that one."

**Jacob was becoming more like Sam…I wondered why that bothered me so much. **

"I still don't know what," I said.

**Now **_**I **_**didn't speak. He looked back at my face with probing eyes. "Well?" he asked. He struggled to conceal the tension behind his serene expression. "No." I said finally. Grudgingly. "They aren't coming back."**

"_Yet_," Emmett said with a grin. I laughed.

**His expression didn't change. "Okay. That's all." I glared at him, annoyance rekindled. "Well, run along now. Go tell Sam that the scary monsters aren't coming to get you."**

Emmett, Alice, Rose, Emmett, myself, Tanya, and Kate all burst out laughing. Then the wolves started growling. A wave of calmness was sent over the room, and we all calmed down. Although I could swear I still heard a few laughs out of Emmett.

**"Okay," he repeated, still calm. That seemed to be it. Jacob walked swiftly from the kitchen. I waited to hear the front door open, but I heard nothing. I could hear the clock over the stove ticking, and I marveled again at how quiet he'd become. What a disaster. How could I have alienated him so completely in such a short amount of time?**

"It's not the only time she has done that," Jake said quietly through gritted teeth. I looked at him with apologetic eyes, before continuing with the story.

**Would he forgive me when Alice was gone? What if he didn't? I slumped against the counter and buried my face in my hands. How had I made such a mess of everything? But what could I have done differently? Even in hindsight, I couldn't think of any better way, any perfect course of action.**

"No, I would have to agree. It was a difficult situation for the both of you," Carlisle said to Jake and myself.

**"Bella…?" Jacob asked in a troubled voice. I pulled my face out of my hands to see Jacob hesitating in the kitchen doorway; he hadn't left when I'd though.**

"I'm too good of a friend for that," he said, trying to now cheer me up. I smiled a small smile at him.

**It was only when I saw the clear drops sparkling in my hands that I realize I was crying. Jacob's calm expression was gone; his face was anxious and unsure. He walke3d quickly back to stand in front of me, ducking his head so that his eyes were closer to being on the same level with mine. "Did it again, didn't I?" "Did what?" I asked, my voice cracking. "Broke my promise. Sorry."**

"Well, it wasn't completely your fault this time," I said.

**"S'okay," I mumbled. "I started it this time." His face twisted. "I knew how you felt about them. It shouldn't have taken me by surprise like that."**

"It's kind of like, what if a long lost friend showed up at your doorway after years of not talking. Would you ignore them, or embrace them?" I said calmly. He nodded understandingly.

**I could see the revulsion in his eyes. I wanted to explain to him what Alice was really like, to defend her against the judgments he'd made, but something warned me that now was not the time.**

"Gee, thanks," Alice said sarcastically.

**So I just said, "Sorry," again. "Let's not worry about it, okay? She's just visiting, right? She'll leave, and things will go back to normal."**

"I wish," Jake said under his breath.

**"Can't I be friends with you both at the same time?" I asked, my voice not hiding an ounce of the hurt I felt. He shook his head slowly. "No. I don't think you can."**

"Too late for that too," Jake lightly chuckled, looking down at Renesmee.

**I sniffed and stared at his big feet. "But you'll wait, right? You'll still be my friend, even though I love Alice, too?" I didn't look up, afraid to see what he'd think of that last part. It took him a minute to answer, so I was probably right not to look. "Yeah, I'll always be your friend," he said gruffly. "No matter what you love."**

"And I have to admit, you are a wonderful friend to my Bella. You were there when I was being a complete idiot," Edward said honestly.

**"Promise?" "Promise." I felt his arms wind around me, and I leaned against his chest still sniffling. "This sucks." "Yeah." Then he sniffed my hair and said, "Ew." "**_**What**_**!" I demanded. I looked up to see that his nose was wrinkled again. "Why does everyone keep doing that to me? I don't smell!"**

Edward chuckled. "It's a wolf-vampire thing."

**He smiled a little. "Yes you do—you smell like **_**them**_**. Blech. Too sweet—sickly sweet. And…icy. It burns my nose.**

"That doesn't work too well either now," Jake chuckled, looking at Renesmee again.

**"Really?" That was strange. Alice smelled unbelievably wonderful. **

"At least someone thinks so," Alice said.

**To a human, anyway. "But why would Alice think I smelled, too, then?" That wiped his smile away. "Huh. Maybe I don't smell so good to her either. Huh." **

"No, you smell like someone pooped on you," Alice laughed. I snorted through my nose by accident, which got everyone to look at me, and we all laughed.

**"Well, you both smell fine to me." I rested my head against him again. I was going to miss him terribly when he walked out my door. It was a nasty catch-22—on the one hand, I wanted Alice to stay forever.**

"You don't have to worry about that anymore," she said proudly.

**I was going to die—metaphorically—when she left me. But how was I supposed to go without seeing Jake for any length of time? **_**What a mess**_**, I thought again.**

"Well, then, I guess you should be glad I imprinted then," Jake said proudly. "Because now I can't stay away."

**"I'll miss you," Jacob whispered, echoing my thoughts. "Every minute. I hope she leaves soon." "It really doesn't have to be that way, Jacob." He sighed. "Yes, it really does, Bella. You…love her. So I'd better not get anywhere near her. I'm not sure that I'm even-tempered enough to handle that. Sam would be mad if I broke the treaty, and"—his voice turned sarcastic—"you probably wouldn't like it too much if I killed your friend."**

"Yeah, probably not," I joked.

"Hey!" Alice protested. I giggled.

**I recoiled from him when he said that, but he only tightened his arms, refusing to let me escape. "There's no point in avoiding the truth. That's the way things are, Bella." "I do **_**not**_** like the way things are."**

"As she made quite clear more than a few times after I came back," Edward chuckled.

**Jacob freed one arm so he could cup his big brown hand under my chin and make me look at him. "Yeah. It was easier when we were both human, wasn't it?" I sighed. We stared at each other for a long moment. His hand smoldered against my skin. In my face, I knew there was nothing but wistful sadness—I didn't want to have to say goodbye now, no matter for how short a time. At first his face reflected mine, but then, as neither of us looked away, his expression changed.**

"You never did say goodbye, and now you don't have to," he smiled, looking down at a sleeping Nessie.

**He released me, lifting his other hand to brush his fingertips along my cheek, trailing them down to my jaw. I could feel his fingers tremble—not with anger this time. He pressed his palm against my cheek, so that my face was trapped between his burning hands. "Bella," he whispered. I froze**

I felt Edward freeze up as well.

**No! I hadn't made this decision yet. I didn't know if could do this, and now I was out of time to think. But I would have been a fool if I thought rejecting him now would have no consequences. I stared back at him. He was not **_**my **_**Jacob, but he could be. His face was familiar and beloved. In so many real ways, I did love him. He was my comfort, my safe harbor. Right now, I could choose to have him belong to me.**

'But your heart belongs somewhere else," Edward said, point blank.

**Alice was back for the moment, but that changed nothing. True love was forever lost.**

"Not for long," Alice said in a sing-song voice.

**The prince was never coming back to kiss me awake from my enchanted sleep. I was not a princess, after all. So what was the fairy-tale protocol for **_**other **_**kisses? The mundane kind that didn't break any spells? Maybe I t would be easy—like holding his hand or having his arms around me.**

I heard a lot of growls from my family.

**Maybe it wouldn't feel like a betrayal. Besides, who was I betraying, anyway? Just myself. Keeping his eyes on mine, Jacob began to bend his face toward me. And I was still absolutely undecided. The shrill ring of the phone made us both jump, but did not break his focus.**

"Thank goodness for the phone," Edward chuckled. No one else did. It was really quiet in the room, as everyone wondered what would happen next, and myself, Jake, and Alice were all but freaking out about what part it was up to.

**He took his hand from under my chin and reached over me to grab the receiver, but still held my face securely with the hand against my cheek. His dark eyes did not free mine. **

"Just couldn't let Bella answer the phone, could you??" Alice asked angrily. Edward looked confused. I guess he hadn't realized what was about to happen yet.

**I was too muddled to react, even to take advantage of the distraction. "Swan residence," Jacob said, his husky voice low and intense.**

Edward's eyes widened. He looked at Alice for confirmation. She nodded.

**Someone answered, and Jacob altered in an instant. He straightened up, and his hand dropped from my face. His eyes went flat, his face blank, and I would have bet this measly remainder of my college fund that it was Alice. I recovered myself and held out my hand for the phone. Jacob ignored me.**

"WHAT?????? ARE YOU SERIOUS???? YOU MEAN THAT IF YOU JUST HANDED THE PHONE TO BELLA, EDWARD WOULD HAVE HEARD HER VOICE, AND COME BACK?????" Alice asked in a very angry voice. I could tell that Edward was fuming also, but let Alice do the screaming. Jacob slumped down in his seat. He couldn't even respond. It was really quiet for a few moments before I could recollect my thoughts and read. Of course, Jasper helped with that big time.

**"He's not here," Jacob said, and the words were menacing. There was some very short reply, a request for more information it seemed, because he added unwillingly, "He's at the funeral."**

It went deadly silent in the room. I once again slammed the book in Edward's lap and ran out of the room, and upstairs to Edward's old room. I slammed the door and went to the bed to cry tearless tears. As expected, Edward came in a few moments later, walked to the bed, and cradled me in a hug.

"Why did he have to be so stupid? Why did he have to do what he did? You would have come back eventually anyway. You told me that yourself. He can be so stupid sometimes," I said, rambling, and very fast. Edward just sat there and listened, rubbing my back and continuing to hug me. I felt a wave of calm come over me. I looked up to Jasper and Alice standing in the door, with sympathy in their eyes.

"Hey, you feeling better now?" Alice asked kindly. I nodded quietly, got up, gave Edward one more hug, and together, we walked downstairs. After I sat down and recollected my thoughts, I was able to read again.

**Then Jacob hung up the phone. "Filthy bloodsucker," he muttered under his breath. The face he turned back to me was the bitter mask again. "Who did you just hang up on?" I gasped, infuriated. In **_**my**_** house, and on **_**my **_**phone?" "Easy! He hung up on me!"**

"And then threw his phone out," Edward muttered quietly.

**"He? Who was it!?" He sneered at the title. "**_**Dr.**_** Carlisle Cullen."**

"If only," I said quietly.

**"Why didn't you let me talk to him?!"**

"AGREED!!" Edward exclaimed angrily.

**"He didn't ask for you," Jacob said coldly. His face was smooth, expressionless, but his hands shook. "He asked where Charlie was and I told him. I don't think I broke any rules of etiquette." "You listen to me, Jacob Black—" But he obviously wasn't listening. He looked quickly over his shoulder, as if someone had called his name from the other room. His eyes went wide and his body stiff, then he started trembling. I listened too, automatically, but heard nothing. "Bye, Bells," he spit out, and wheeled toward the front door. **

"First smart thing you've done all day," Rose sneered.

**I ran after him. "What is it?" And then I ran into him, as he rocked back on his heels, cussing under his breath. He spun around again, knocking me sideways. I bobbled and fell to the floor, my legs tangled with his. **

Emmett burst out laughing. "Clumsy Bella strikes again!" he roared. Then we all started laughing, until I read…

**"Shoot, ow!" I protested as he hurriedly jerked his legs free one at a time. I struggled to pull myself up as he darted for the back door; he suddenly froze again. Alice stood motionless at the foot of the stairs.**

The laughing stopped immediately. It got really quiet for a few moments.

**"Bella," she choked. I scrambled to my feet and lurched to her side. Her eyes were dazed and far away, her face drawn and whiter than bone. Her slim body trembled to an inner turmoil.**

"I'm so sorry," was all that Edward could say.

**"Alice, what's wrong?" I cried. I put my hands on her face, trying to calm her. Her eyes focused on mine abruptly, wide with pain. "Edward," was all she whispered.**

It was quiet all over again. You didn't have to be Jasper to sense what everyone was feeling right now. It was a rough atmosphere. Finally, Carlisle got up and said, "Maybe now will be a good time to take a break and go hunting, while the wolves get some rest for a few hours. After all, Nessie is already asleep." We all agreed.

After we took a _long_ break, and everyone hunted and those who needed to, rested, we sat back down and began to read again, feeling refreshed and ready for what was coming up.

**My body reacted faster than my mind was able to catch up with the implication of her reply. I didn't at first understand why the room was spinning or where the hollow roar in my ears was coming from. My mind labored, unable to make sense of Alice's bleak face and how it could possibly relate to Edward, while my body was already swaying, seeking the relief of unconsciousness before the reality could hit me.**

"Poor Bella and Alice this time," Carmen cooed.

**The stairway tilted at the oddest angle. Jacob's furious voice was suddenly in my ear, hissing out a stream of profanities. I felt a vague disapproval. His new friends were clearly a bad influence.**

"Hey, don't place that on me. That was all his own doing!" Sam exclaimed.

**I was on the couch without understanding how I got there, and Jacob was still swearing. It felt like there was an earthquake—the couch was shaking under me.**

"That's no earthquake," Sam said.

**"What did you do to her?" he demanded. Alice ignored him. "Bella? Bella, snap out of it. We have to hurry." "Stay back," Jacob warned.**

Edward snorted. "Right, like Alice is going to listen to _you_."

**"Calm down, Jacob Black," Alice ordered. "You don't want to do that so close to her." "I don't think I'll have any problem keeping my focus," he retorted, but his voice sounded a little cooler.**

"I think I would have to agree with Alice on that one, Jake," Sam scolded.

**"Alice?" My voice was weak. "What happened?" I asked, even though I didn't want to hear."**

"No one would want to hear that the love of their life is going off to kill him/herself," Tanya pointed out. I nodded, agreeing immediately.

**"I don't know," she suddenly wailed. "What is he thinking?!"**

"I was stupid. I was thinking Bella was dead, therefore I could not, no, would not, live without her. So when I heard Jacob say that Charlie was at the funeral, that pushed me over the edge, and I lost it. I am so sorry for causing all this trouble. It was very, _very_ stupid of me."

**I labored to pull myself up despite the dizziness. I realized it was Jacob's arm I was gripping for balance. He was the one shaking, not the couch. Alice was pulling a small silver phone from her bag when my eyes relocated her. Her fingers dialed the numbers so fast they were a blur. "Rose, I need to talk to Carlisle **_**now**_**." Her voice whipped through the words. "Fine, as soon as he's back. No, I'll be on a plane. Look, have you heard anything from Edward?" **

It went really quiet in the room for a few moments.

**Alice paused now, listening with an expression that grew more appalled every second.**

"I don't blame you," Rose muttered quietly. "I was stupid."

**Her mouth opened into a little O of horror, and the phone shook in her hand. "Why?" she gasped. **_**"Why**_** would you do that, Rosalie?"**

I saw Rose put her head in her lap in shame. Emmett rubbed her back, knowing that she was sorry for what she did. After she relaxed, I read again.

**Whatever the answer was, it made her jaw tighten in anger. Her eyes flashed and narrowed. Well, you're wrong on both counts, though, Rosalie, so that would be a problem, don't you think?" she asked acidly. "Yes, that's right. She's absolutely fine—I was wrong…It's a long story…But you're wrong about that part, too, that's why I'm calling…Yes, that's exactly what I saw."**

I could see both Alice and Edward fuming in anger.

"Rose, you really should have thought twice before making a rational move like that," Carlisle told her. Esme nodded.

**Alice's voice was very hard and her lips were pulled back from her teeth. "It's a bit late for that, Rose. Save your remorse for someone who believes it." Alice snapped the phone shut with a sharp twist of her fingers. Her eyes were tortured as she turned to face me. "Alice," I blurted out quickly. I couldn't let her speak yet. I needed a few more seconds before she spoke and her words destroyed what was left of my life. "Alice, Carlisle is back, though. He called just before…"**

"That wasn't Carlisle," she said through her teeth. I already knew this, but I let her get her anger out.

**She stared at me blankly. "How long ago?" she asked in a hollow voice. "Half a minute before you showed up." "What did he say?" She really focused now, waiting for my answer. "I didn't talk to him." My eyes flickered to Jacob.**

I heard a massive growl next to me. "ONE LITTLE MISTAKE, AND YOU SEND ME TO MY DEATH!!! NEXT TIME THE PHONE RINGS, LET HER ANSWER IT!"

Right as he finished saying that, Jake's phone rang. Edward's mouth hung open. Jacob shrugged and handed me the phone, while Emmett snickered at the situation.

"Err, hello?" I asked reluctantly. Click. The phone hung up. That cheered everyone up, and we were all laughing.

**Alice turned her penetrating gaze on him. He flinched, but held his place next to me. He sat awkwardly, almost as if he were trying to shield me with his body. "He asked for Charlie, and I told him Charlie wasn't here," Jacob muttered resentfully.**

"That's not all you said," Edward said angrily through his teeth.

**"Is that everything?" Alice demanded, her voice like ice. "Then he hung up on me," Jacob spit back. A tension rolled back his spine, shaking me with it. "You told him Charlie was the funeral," I reminded him. Alice jerked her head back toward me. "What were his exact words?" "He said, 'He's not here,' and when Carlisle asked where Charlie was, Jacob said, 'At the funeral.'" Alice moaned and sank to her knees. "Tell me Alice," I whispered. "That wasn't Carlisle on the phone," she said hopelessly.**

"AND IF BELLA ANSWERED IT IN THE FIRST PLACE, SHE WOULD HAVE RECOGNIZED MY VOICE!" Edward exclaimed again. Finally, I felt a wave of calm ease over the room. I mouthed thank you to Jasper. He nodded at me.

**"Are you calling me a liar?" Jacob snarled from beside me. Alice ignored him, focusing on my bewildered face. "It was Edward." The words were just a choked whisper. "He thinks you're dead." **

It went really quiet again in the room. I tried to hide my emotions this time. This wasn't like me to show my emotions this much. I didn't want to hurt everyone else by letting them see how I felt. I took a few deep breaths, and began to read again.

**My mind started to work again. These words weren't the ones I'd been afraid of, and the relief cleared my head. "Rosalie told him I killed myself, didn't she?" I asked, sighing as I relaxed. "Yes," Alice admitted, her eyes flashing hard again. "In her defense, she did believe it. They rely on my sight far too much for something that works so imperfectly. But for her to track him down to tell him this! Didn't she realize…or care…?" Her voice faded away in horror.**

"I'm so, so, so, sorry," She said over and over out loud.

**"And when Edward called here, he thought Jacob meant **_**my**_** funeral," I realized. **

Edward nodded slowly.

**It stung to know how close I'd been, just inches away from his voice. My nails dug into Jacob's arm, but he didn't flinch. Alice looked at me strangely. "You're not upset," she whispered.**

Edward now looked at me strangely as well. He looked quite confused and hurt.

**"Well, it's really rotten timing, but it will all get straightened out. The next time he calls, someone will tell him…what…really…" I trailed off. Her gaze strangled the words in my throat.**

"Well, that would have worked if the dumbass didn't throw his phone in the trash," Alice said angrily.

**Why was she so panicked? Why was her face twisting now with pity and horror? What was it she had said to Rosalie on the phone just now? Something about what she'd seen…and Rosalie's remorse. Rosalie would never feel remorse for anything that happened to me.**

"Hey!" Rose exclaimed defensively.

**But if she'd hurt her family, hurt her brother… "Bella," Alice whispered. "Edward won't call again. He believed her." "I. Don't. Understand." My mouth framed each word in silence. I couldn't push the air out to actually say the words that would make her explain what that meant. "He's going to Italy."**

It went silent yet once again. My goodness, this silence is getting awkward!

**It took the length of one heartbeat for me to comprehend. When Edward's voice came back to me now, it was not the perfect imitation of my delusions. It was just the weak, flat tone of my memories. But the words alone were enough to shred through my chest and leave it gaping open. Words from a time when I would have bet everything that I owned or could borrow on the fact that he loved me.**

"That's why I went to Italy. I did still love you, and thought that without you, I could never survive, whether you were alive or dead."

_**Well, I wasn't going to live without you, **_**he'd said as we watched Romeo and Juliet die, here in this very room. **_**But I wasn't sure how to do it…I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help**_

"Most definitely not!" they both shouted at the same time.

_**"So I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi…You don't irritate them. Not unless you want to die.**_** "NO!" The half-shrieked denial was so loud after the whispered words, it made us all jump.**

"Wow, didn't know it was that easy to make a vampire jump," Embry laughed. The wolves snickered, while the vamps were all still really upset with the situation. Sam gave them a look to be quiet, and they shut up.

**I felt the blood rushing to my face as I realize what she'd seen. "No! No, no, no! He can't! He can't do that!"**

I saw Edward look down in his lap in shame.

**"He made up his mind as soon as your friend confirmed that it was too late to save you." "But he…he **_**left**_**! He didn't want me anymore! What difference does it make now? He knew I would die sometime!"**

"Not without me following after you," he said as he gave me a hug. The rest of the Cullens growled.

"Not if we have anything to do with it," Jasper commented. The rest nodded in agreement.

**"I don't think he ever planned to outlive you by long," Alice said quietly. "How **_**dare**_** he!" I screamed. I was on my feet now, and Jacob rose uncertainly to put himself between Alice and me again.**

"Knowing Bella, that probably didn't even affect her," Edward muttered.

**"Oh, get out of the way, Jacob!" I elbowed my way around his trembling body with desperate impatience.**

"No surprise," he continued, chuckling once darkly.

**"What do we do?" I begged Alice. There had to be something. "Can't we call him? Can Carlisle?"**

"That would have worked, if the idiot hadn't tossed the phone in the trash."

**She was shaking her head. "That was the first thing I tried. He left his phone in a trash in Rio—someone answered it…," she whispered. "You said before we had to hurry. Hurry how? Let's do it, whatever it is!" "Bella, I—I don't think I can ask you to…" She trailed off in indecision. "Ask me!" I commanded.**

"I'm glad that you did, because if it was just you, I wouldn't have listened," Edward told Alice.

"I know that, trust me I know," she told him.

**She put her hands on my shoulders, holding me in place, her fingers flexing sporadically to emphasize her words. "We may already be too late. I saw him going to the Volturi…and asking to die." We both cringed, and my eyes were suddenly blind.**

So did everyone in the room.

**I blinked feverishly at the tears. "It all depends on what they choose. I can't see that till they make a decision.**

"I'm so glad that they said no because that gave you guys the right amount of time to come and save me."

**"But if they say no, and they might—Aro is fond of Carlisle, and wouldn't want to offend him—Edward has a backup plan. They're very protective of their city. If Edward does something upset the peace, he thinks they'll act to stop him. And he's right. They will."**

"And I almost got killed because of it, along with Alice and Bella," Edward said glumly.

**I stared at her with my jaw clenched in frustration. I'd heard nothing yet that would explain why we were still standing here.**

"Good point," Emmett pointed out.

**"So if they agree to grant his favor, we're too late. If they say no, and he comes up with a plan to offend them quickly enough, we're too late. If he gives into his more theatrical tendencies…we might have time."**

"SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR??" Emmett asked in massive confusion.

**"Let's go!" "Listen, Bella! Whether we are in time or not, we will be in the heart of the Volturi city. I will be considered his accomplice if he is successful. You will be a human who not only knows too much, but also smells too good.**

"Oh shit, I forgot about that," Emmett quieted down.

"Language," Esme reminded him.

**"There's a very good chance that they will eliminate us all—though in your case it won't be punishment so much as dinnertime."**

I smirked. "Except for the fact that the last time they saw me, they are now terrified of me, seeing as I can shield anyone around me." Edward chuckled.

**"This is what's keeping us here?" I asked in disbelief. "I'll go alone if you're afraid."**

Edward laughed again. "Again, always worrying more about the other person than herself."

**I mentally tabulated what money was left in my account, and wondered if Alice would lend me the rest. "I'm only afraid of getting you killed." I snorted in disgust. "I almost get myself killed on a daily basis! Tell me what I need to do!"**

"She does have a point there," Emmett chuckled.

**"You write a note to Charlie. I'll call the airlines." "Charlie," I gasped.**

"I would guess that if you were going to find me, that the wolves would watch over Charlie. They care about him as much as anyone else in this town," Edward pointed out.

**Not that my presence was protecting him, but could I leave him here alone to face… "I'm not going to let anything happen to Charlie." Jacob's low voice was gruff and angry. "Screw the treaty."**

"Thank you," Carlisle told Jacob.

**I glanced up at him, and he scowled at my panicked expression. "Hurry, Bella," Alice interrupted urgently. I ran to the kitchen, yanking the drawers open and throwing the contents all over the floor as I searched for a pen. A smooth, brown hand held one out to me. "Thanks," I mumbled, pulling the cap off with my teeth. He silently handed me the pad of paper we wrote phone messages on. I tore off the top sheet and threw it over my shoulder. **_**Dad,**_** I wrote. **_**I'm with Alice. Edward's in trouble. You can ground me when I get back. I know it's a bad time. So sorry. Love you so much. Bella.**_

__"That must have sent him over the edge," Emmett commented.

"Don't even ask," I responded. "Those few weeks were a nightmare after I got back."

**"Don't go," Jacob whispered. The anger was all gone now that Alice was out of sight. I wasn't about to waste time arguing with him. "Please, please, **_**please**_** take care of Charlie," I said as I dashed back out to the front room. Alice was waiting in the doorway with a bag over her shoulder. "Get your wallet—you'll need ID. **_**Please **_**tell me you have a passport. I don't have time to forge one."**

I chuckled quietly. Edward looked at me confused. "How do you think I had Nessie and Jake so prepared to leave if we lost the battle to the Volturi. One name, J. Jenks." Edward chuckled.

**I nodded and then raced up the stairs, my knees weak with gratitude that my mother wanted to marry Phil on a beach in Mexico. **

"Gotta love Renee's random plans," Alice laughed.

**Of course, like all her plans, it had fallen through. But not before I'd made all the practical arrangements I could for her.**

"Thank G-d," Edward said in a thankful voice.

**I tore through my room. I stuffed my old wallet, a clean T-shirt, and sweatpants into my backpack, and then threw my toothbrush on top. I hurled myself back down the stairs. The sense of déjà vu was nearly stifling by this point. At least, unlike the last time—when I'd run away from forks to **_**escape**_** thirsty vampires rather than to **_**find **_**them—I wouldn't have to say goodbye to Charlie in person.**

"Oh man, I remember that. That was really rough for you," Edward remembered.

**Jacob and Alice were locked in some kind of confrontation in front of the open door, standing so far apart you wouldn't assume at first that they were having a confrontation. Neither one seemed to notice my noisy reappearance. "You might control yourself on occasion, but these leeches you're taking her to—" Jacob was furiously accusing her. "Yes. You're right dog." Alice was snarling too. "The Volturi are the very essence of our kind—they're the reason your hair stands on end when you smell me.**

I saw most of the wolves shudder, except for Jacob, since he already knew that.

"**They are the substance of your nightmares, the dread behind your instincts. I'm not unaware of that." "And you take her to them like a bottle of wine for a party!" he shouted. **

"If she hadn't come, I wouldn't be alive right now," Edward commented.

"I don't think I would have minded that!" Jake exclaimed. Edward rose to his feet in anger, snarling wildly.

"Edward," I moaned, trying to calm him. He looked back at me, looked back at Jake with a glare, and sat back down after taking a deep breath. I kissed him on the cheek to relax him.

**"You think she'd be better off if I left her here alone with Victoria stalking her?"**

"Stalk is an understatement," I said under my breath.

**"We can handle the redhead." "Then why is she still hunting?" Jacob growled, and a shudder rippled through his torso.**

Sam's and Edward's eyes widened.

**"Stop that!" I shouted at them both, wild with impatience. "Argue when we get back, let's go!" Alice turned or the car, disappearing in her haste. I hurried after her, pausing automatically to lock the door. Jacob caught my arm with a shivering hand. "Please, Bella. I'm begging." His dark eyes were glistening with tears. A lump filled my throat. "Jake, I **_**have **_**to—" "You don't, though. You really don't. You could stay here with me. You could stay alive. For Charlie. For me."**

It was quiet yet once again. Jake was looking down in his lap, while Edward had a lost look on his face.

"Would you have even thought of doing that if you thought I was dead?" he asked me. I shook my head no.

"I would have tried, even if I knew there was no chance. I would have done anything to get you back in my arms," I told him.

**The engine of Carlisle's Mercedes purred; the rhythm of the thrumming spiked when Alice revved it impatiently.**

"Aren't we the patient one?" Jake smirked. Alice growled.

**I shook my head, tears spattering from my eyes with the sharp motion. I pulled my arm free, and he didn't fight me. "Don't die, Bella," he choked out. "Don't go. Don't."**

"And if I didn't go, you wouldn't have ratted me out. Not worth the trade off," I told him flat out.

**What if I never saw him again?**

"That wouldn't have been too bad either," Edward made the comment this time, and this time Jake was the one growling. A wave of calmness spread over, and I was able to read again.

**The thought pushed me past the silent tears; a sob broke out from my chest. I threw my arms around his waist and hugged for one too-short moment, burying my tear-wet face against his chest. He put his big hand on the back of my hair, as if to hold me there.**

If I could cry, I would be right now. I remember this moment very well. It was difficult for the both of us. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see tears coming from Jake's eyes. I got up at the same time as him, and gave him a bear hug. Of course, this was after he handed Nessie to Edward for safety. After a long, heart-felt hug, we both sat down and relaxed.

**"Bye, Jake." I pulled his hand from my hair, and kissed his palm. I couldn't bear to look at his face. "Sorry," I whispered. Then I spun and raced for the car. The door on the passenger side was open and waiting. I threw my backpack over the headrest and slid in, slamming the door behind me. "Take care of Charlie!" I turned to shout out the window, but Jacob was nowhere in sight. As Alice stomped on the gas and—with the tires screeching like human screams—spun us around to face the road, I caught sight of a shred of white near the edge of the trees. A piece of a shoe.**

I closed the book and took a deep breath. Edward rubbed my back for a few moments, while my family looked at me with remorse. This was going to be a long ending…

**Wow, that was a difficult chapter to write. I had a lot of trouble with the emotions in this one. I hope I did it justice, and that you enjoyed it. 11 more days!!! (or 10 since it's at midnight lmao. I am so excited. I have my tickets, I'm buying a new moon t-shirt at the mall this weekend… Anyway please review, and I'll see you next chapter.**


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in it.**

**Hey guys, here comes another chapter. And guess what we're one chapter away from the Volturi!! BOOO YA!!!!! Lol, anyway, thanks for the reviewers and the favoriters. You guys make my day. Here's the next chapter.**

Chapter 23 (Chapter 19- Race)

After taking another deep breath, I started the next chapter.

**We made our flight with seconds to spare, and then the true torture began.**

"I'm just glad you made your flight," Edward pointed out.

**The plane sat idle on the tarmac while the flight attendants strolled—so casually—up and down the aisle, patting the bags in the overhead compartments to make sure everything fit.**

"The wait must have been torture," Esme said. I nodded.

**The pilots leaned out of the cockpit, chatting with them as they passed. Alice's hand was hard on my shoulder, holding me in my seat while I bounced anxiously up and down.**

"Remind you of someone?" Jasper teased Alice. Alice grinned back at him.

**"It's faster than running," she reminded me in a low voice.**

"Yes, if you had run, you would have _never_ made it to me on time," Edward said.

**I just nodded in time with my bouncing. At last the plane rolled lazily from the gate, building speed with a gradual steadiness that tortured me further. I expected some kind of relief when we achieved liftoff, but my frenzied impatience didn't lessen. Alice lifted the phone on the back of the seat in front of her before we'd stopped climbing, turning her back on the stewardess who eyed her with disapproval.**

"I really didn't care, I needed to stay in contact with family for emergencies," Alice scoffed.

**Something about my expression stopped the stewardess from coming over to protest. I tried to tune out what Alice was murmuring to Jasper. I didn't want to hear the words again, but some slipped through. "I can't be sure, I keep seeing him do different things, he keeps changing his mind…A killing spree through the city, attacking the guard, lifting a car over his head in the main square…mostly things that would expose them—he knows that's the fastest way to force a reaction…**

Esme stared at her son in disbelief. Edward couldn't even look her straight in the eyes.

**"No, you can't." Alice's voice dropped till it was nearly inaudible, though I was sitting inches from her. Contrarily, I listened harder. "Tell Emmett no…Well, go after Emmett and Rosalie and bring them back…**

Edward chuckled. "Why am I not surprised? Emmett is always up for an adventure. He reminds me of you, Garrett," he said. Garrett chuckled.

**"Think about it, Jasper. If he sees any of us, what do you think he will do?"**

"Go ahead with the plan," Edward muttered quietly.

**She nodded. "Exactly. I think Bella is the only chance—if there is a chance…I'll do everything that can be done, but prepare Carlisle; the odds aren't good."**

It went quiet for a few moments throughout the room. You could feel the solemn feeling throughout the room.

**She laughed then, and there was a catch in her voice. "I've thought of that…Yes, I promise." Her voice became pleading. "Don't follow me. I promise, Jasper. One way or another, I'll get out…And I love you."**

"Alice, you shouldn't have made a promise that you weren't completely destined to keep. With the Volturi, there is no definite that you'll get out or not," Carlisle explained to her.

**She hung up, and leaned back in her seat with her eyes closed. "I hate lying to him." "Tell me everything, Alice," I begged. "I don't understand. Why did you tell Jasper to stop Emmett, why can't they come help us?"**

"Because if I saw any of them before I saw you, I would never believe you were still alive. I would have believed that they were just coming to save me from myself, and would have went along with my plan. In a way, I was expecting one of them to show up and try to save me, but I never expected it to be you."

**"Two reasons," she whispered, her eyes still closed. "The first I told him. We **_**could **_**try to stop Edward ourselves—if Emmett could get his hands on him, we might be able to stop him long enough to convince him you're alive. But we can't sneak up on Edward. And if he sees us coming for him, he'll just act that much faster. He'll throw a Buick through a wall or something, and the Volturi will take him down.**

"Or a Porsche," Emmett joked. No one laughed.

**"That's the second reason of course, the reason I couldn't say to Jasper. Because if they're there and the Volturi kill Edward, they'll fight them, Bella." She opened her eyes and stared at me, beseeching. "If there were any chance we could win…if there were a way that the four of us could save my brother by fighting for him, maybe it would be different.**

"If there was that chance, you probably wouldn't have had Bella come at all," Edward pointed out.

**"But we can't, and Bella, I can't lose Jasper like that."**

"And I can't lose you either," Jasper said. They kissed sweetly on the lips.

**I realized why her eyes begged for my understanding. She was protecting Jasper, at our expense, and maybe at Edward's, too. I understood, and I did not think badly of her. I nodded. "Couldn't Edward hear you, though?" I asked. "Wouldn't he know, as soon as he heard your thoughts, that I was alive, that there was no point to this?"**

"Do you really think I would have listened? I would have just believed that she was saying that to bring me home."

**Not that there was any justification, either way. I still couldn't believe that he was capable of reacting like this. It made no sense! I remembered with painful clarity his words that day on the sofa, while we watched Romeo and Juliet kill themselves, one after the other. **_**I wasn't going to live without you**_**, he once said, as if it should be such an obvious conclusion.**

"And I meant that, despite what was said in the forest."

**But the words he had spoken in the forest as he'd left me had canceled all that out—forcefully. **_**"If**_** he were listening," she explained. "But believe it or not, it's possible to lie with your thoughts. If you had died, I would still try to stop him. And I would be thinking 'she's alive, she's alive' as hard as I could. He knows that."**

"Obviously."

**I ground my teeth in mute frustration. "If there were any way to do this without you, Bella, I wouldn't be endangering you like this. It's very wrong of me."**

"Yeah, I don't think you would have had a choice either way," Jake grumbled. "Knowing Bella, she would have jumped at the gun to help out, even if it puts her in unnecessary danger."

**"Don't be stupid. I'm the last thing you should be worrying about." I shook my head impatiently. "Tell me what you meant, about hating to lie to Jasper."**

"Saddest part is, I knew you were lying. I just didn't want to accept it," Jasper told Alice.

**She smiled a grim smile. "I promised him I would get out before they killed me, too. It's not something I can guarantee—not by a long shot." She raised her eyebrows, as if willing me to take the danger more seriously. "Who are these Volturi anyway?" I demanded in a whisper.**

"Vamp royalty," Edward muttered quietly.

**"What makes them so much more dangerous than Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, and you?" It was hard to imagine something scarier than that. **

"Trust me, there are things much scarier than a large coven," Carlisle told me.

**She took a deep breath, and then abruptly leveled a dark glance over my shoulder. I turned in time to see the man in the aisle seat looking away as if he wasn't listening to us. He appeared to be businessman, in a dark suit with a power tie and laptop on his knees. While I stared at him with irritation, he opened the computer and very conspicuously put headphones on.**

"Yeah right, like he's gonna make it seem like he's not listening. I'm a vampire. Not much gets passed me," Alice commented. I snickered.

**I leaned closer to Alice. Her lips were at my ears as she breathed the story. "I was surprised that you recognized the name," she said.**

"Edward," was I said. She nodded.

**"That you understood so immediately what it meant—when I said he was going to Italy. I thought I would have to explain. How much did Edward tell you?" "He just said they were an old, powerful family—like royalty. That you didn't antagonize them unless you wanted to…die," I whispered. **

"That's an understatement," Carlisle chuckled. "I should know, I lived with them."

**The last word was hard to choke out.**

"I could imagine," Edward muttered quietly.

**"You have to understand," she said, her voice slower, more measured now. "We Cullens are unique in more ways than you know. It's…**_**abnormal**_** for so many of us to live together in peace. It's the same for Tanya's family in the north, and Carlisle speculates that abstaining makes it easier for us to be civilized, to form bonds based on love rather than survival or convenience.**

"We do truly love each other the same your family," Tanya said with an earnest smile on her face.

**"Even James's little coven of three was unusually large—and you saw how easily Laurent left them. **

"And then betrayed us," Carmen said angrily under her breath. Eleazer rubbed her back.

**"Our kind travel alone, or in pairs, as a general rule. Carlisle's family is the biggest in existence, as far as I know, with the one exception. The Volturi. There were three of them originally, Aro, Caius, and Marcus." **

"Marcus, mister I look so bored that you make everyone bored," Emmett joked. Jasper and Emmett snickered.

**"I've seen them," I mumbled. "In the picture in Carlisle's study." Alice nodded. "Two females joined them over time, and the five of them make up the family. I'm not sure, but I suspect that their age is what gives them the ability to live peacefully together. They are well over three thousand years old. Or maybe it's their gifts that give them extra tolerance.**

"Or their need to feed," Edward muttered under his breath.

**"Like Edward and I, Aro and Marcus are…talented." She continued before I could ask. "Or maybe it's just their love of power that binds them together. Royalty is an apt description." "But if there are only five—"**

"If only that was all there were," Alice said quietly.

**"Five that make up the family," she corrected. "That doesn't include their guard." I took a deep breath. "That sounds…serious."**

"Yeah the guard that includes the _wonder twins_," Emmett commented.

"Too bad Jane is now terrified at me," I said grinning at him. He roared with laughter.

**"Oh, it is," she assured me. "There were nine members of the guard that where permanent, the last time we heard. Others are more…transitory. It changes. And many of them are gifted as well—with formidable gifts, gifts that make what I can do look like a parlor trick."**

"And some who are just staying for a couple of decades or century for company," Carlisle pointed out.

**"The Volturi chose them for their abilities, physical or otherwise." I opened my mouth, and then closed it. I didn't think I wanted to know how bad the odds were. She nodded again, as if she understood exactly what I was thinking. "They don't get into too many confrontations. No one is stupid enough to mess with them. They stay in their city, leaving only as duty calls." "Duty?" I wondered.**

"Yeah, coming out to kill anyone who exposes us, or messes with the Volturi."

**"Didn't Edward tell you what they do?" "No," I said, feeling the blank expression on my face.**

'I didn't want to scare you too badly," Edward commented.

**Alice looked over my head again, toward the businessman, and put her wintry lips back to my ear. "There's a reason he called them royalty…the ruling class. Over the millennia, they have assumed the position of enforcing our rules—which actually translates to punishing transgressors. They fulfill that duty decisively." My eyes popped wide with shock. "There are **_**rules**_**?" I asked in a voice that was too loud.**

"Just one," Carlisle commented.

**"Shh!" "Shouldn't somebody have mentioned this to me earlier?" I whispered angrily. "I mean, I wanted to be a…to be one of you! Shouldn't have explained the rules to me?"**

"And if we explained the rules, would it have changed your mind?" Edward asked me. I thought for a moment, and shook my head no.

**Alice chuckled once at my reaction. "It's not that complicated, Bella. There's only one core restriction—and if you think about it, you can probably figure it out for yourself." I thought about it. "Nope, I have no idea."**

"Wow, and I thought you were so perceptive," Emmett teased. I stuck my tongue out at him.

**She shook her head, disappointed. "Maybe it's too obvious. We just have to keep our existence a secret." **

"I could have figured that one out," Jake mocked. I took a turn to then stick my tongue out at him. He laughed.

**"Oh," I mumbled. It **_**was**_** obvious. "It makes sense, and most of us don't need policing," she continued. **

"And then there's people like Maria," Jasper pointed out.

**"But, after a few centuries, sometimes one of us gets bored. Or crazy. I don t know. And then the Volturi step in before it can compromise them, or the rest of us." "So Edward…"**

"Was a complete idiot, and went against everything that Carlisle had taught him," Alice growled. Edward shrunk down in his seat in silence.

**"Is planning to flout that in their own city—the city they've secretly held for three thousand years, since the time of the Etruscans. They are so protective of their city that they don't allow hunting within its walls. **

I shuddered as I remembered watching all the tourists be deceived into believing they were going on a tour of the castle, when they were actually dinner.

**"Volterra is probably the safest city in the world—from vampire attack at the very least." **

I snorted at the thought of that.

**"But you said they didn't leave. How do they eat?"**

I felt another shudder run through my body. Wow, I didn't even know I had the ability to shudder.

**"They don't leave. They bring in their food from the outside, from quite far away sometimes.**

"Unless it's a special holiday in the Volterra," I sneered. This time, it got Edward and Alice to shudder as well. (K, I don't know if they can _actually_ shudder, but it fits in the story, so there loll)

**"It gives their guard something to do when they're not out annihilating mavericks. Or protecting Volterra from exposure…" "From situations like this one, like Edward," I finished her sentence.**

Edward, still with his head in his lap, nodded slowly.

**I wasn't sure what the difference was. Maybe because I wasn't really planning on living much longer without seeing him.**

"So I'm not allowed to kill myself, but you are?" Edward asked shocked. This time I shrunk down in the seat. After regaining my thoughts, I was able to read again, not having an answer to his question.

**Or at all, if we were too late. It was comforting to know that I would have an easy out. "I doubt they've ever had a situation quite like this," she muttered, disgusted. "You don't get a lot of suicidal vampires." The sound that escaped out of my mouth was very quiet, but Alice seemed to understand that it was a cry of pain. She wrapped her thin, strong arm around my shoulder.**

"Oh how I wish I could have helped. If there was a way, we would have all helped," Esme said for the family.

**"We'll do what we can, Bella. It's not over yet." "Not yet." I let her comfort me, though I knew she thought our chances were poor. "And the Volturi will get us if we mess up." Alice stiffened. "You say that like it's a good thing." I shrugged.**

Edward stared in disbelief. I shrugged again.

**"Knock it off, Bella, or we're turning around in New York and going back to Forks."**

Now Edward was glaring at Alice in disbelief.

**"What?" "You know what. If we're too late for Edward, I'm going to do my damnedest to get you back to Charlie, and I don't want any trouble from you. Do you understand that?"**

I then saw Edward mouth the words _thank you_ to Alice. She nodded at him.

**"Sure, Alice." She pulled back slightly so that she could glare at me. "No trouble." "Scout's honor," I muttered. She rolled her eyes. "Let me concentrate, now. I'm trying to see what he's planning." She left her arm around me, but let her head fall back against the seat and closed her eyes. She pressed her hand to the side of her face, rubbing her fingertips against her temple. I watched her in fascination for a long time. Eventually, she became utterly motionless, her face like a stone sculpture.**

"That couldn't have been too interesting to look at," Jake joked

**The minutes passed, and I didn't know better, I would have thought she'd fallen asleep.**

Edward chuckled. "That might be a little difficult."

**I didn't dare interrupt her to ask what was going on. I wished there was something safe for me to think about.**

"Probably not."

**I couldn't allow myself to consider the horrors we were headed toward, or, more horrific yet, the chance that we might fail—not if I wanted to keep from screaming aloud.**

"That would probably raise suspicion," Emmett laughed.

**I couldn't **_**anticipate **_**anything, either. Maybe, if I were very, very, **_**very**_** lucky, I would somehow be able to save Edward. But I wasn't so stupid as to think that saving him would mean that I could stay with him.**

"Bella, I would have never let you go," Edward cooed.

**I was no different, no more special than I'd been before.**

"You will always be special to me."

**There would be no new reason for him to want me now. Seeing him and losing him again… I fought back against the pain. This was the price I had to pay to save his life. **

"If only you were able to see how much I did love you still," Edward said.

**They showed a movie, and my neighbor got headphones. Sometimes I watched the figures moving across the little screen, but I couldn't even tell if the movie was supposed to be a romance or a horror film. After an eternity, the plane began to descend toward New York City.**

"Start spreading the news. I'm leaving today. I want to be a part of it, New York, New York," Emmett sang while trying to do a kick line. Unfortunately, with his huge, muscley legs, it looked like he was kicking a donkey behind! We were all cracking up. Once he was done, he took a bow. We all started clapping and applauding as he sat down, while still laughing. Once it calmed down, I read again.

**Alice remained in her trance. I dithered, reaching out to touch her, only to pull my hand back again. This happened a dozen times before the plane touched down with a jarring impact. "Alice," I finally said. "Alice, we have to go." **

"Unless you want to get stuck in New York and not save me," Edward muttered angrily.

**I touched her arm. Her eyes came open very slowly. She shook her head from side to side for a moment. "Anything new?" I asked in a low voice, conscious of the man listening on the other side of me. "Not exactly," she breathed in a voice I could barely catch. "He's getting closer. He's decided how he's going to ask." We had to run for our connection, but that was good—better than having to wait.**

"I think I would have to agree," Alice commented.

**As soon as the plane was in the air, Alice closed her eyes and slid back into the same stupor as before. I waited as patiently as I could. When it was dark again, I opened the window to stare out into the flat black that was no better than the window shade. I was grateful that I'd had so many months' practice with controlling my thoughts. Instead of dwelling on the terrifying possibilities that, no matter what Alice said, I did not intend to survive, I concentrated on lesser problems.**

"I wish you would have just thought of seeing me," Edward said with puppy eyes.

**Like, what I was going to say to Charlie if I got back? That was a thorny enough problem to occupy several hours. And Jacob? He'd promised to wait for me, but did that promise still apply?**

"Seeing as he left the bike for Charlie to see, I would probably say no," Edward pointed out.

**Would I end up home alone in Forks, with no one at all? Maybe I didn't **_**want **_**to survive, no matter what happened.**

"Bella," Alice moaned angrily. "Be glad that I couldn't hear your thoughts, or else you would have gotten an earful."

**It felt like seconds later when Alice shook my shoulder—I hadn't realized I'd fallen asleep. "Bella," she hissed, her voice a little too loud in a darkened cabin full of sleeping humans. I wasn't disoriented—I hadn't been out long enough for that. "What's wrong?" Alice's eyes gleamed in the dim light of a reading lamp in the row behind us. "It's not wrong." She smiled fiercely.**

"I'm guessing that you had just seen the vision where the Volturi denied my request," Edward guessed.

"**It's right. They're deliberating, but they've decided to tell him no." "The Volturi?" I muttered, groggy. "Of course, Bella, keep up. I can see what they're going to say." "Tell me." An attendant tiptoed down the aisle to us. "Can I get you ladies a pillow?" His hushed whisper was a rebuke to our comparatively loud conversation. "No, thank you." **

"Why, you don't want to sleep?" Jake pushed. Alice growled.

**Alice beamed up at him, her smile shockingly lovely. The attendant's expression was dazed as he turned and stumbled his way back. "Tell me," I breathed almost silently. She whispered in my ear. "They're interested in him—they think his talent could be useful. They're going to offer him a place with them."**

"Edward would never say yes to that," Esme commented. Carlisle agreed.

"**What will he say/" "I can't see that yet, but I'll bet it's colorful." She grinned again. "This is the first good news—the first break. They're intrigued, they truly don't want to destroy him—'wasteful,' that's the word Aro will use—and that may be enough to force him to get creative. The longer he spends on his plans, the better for us."**

"Alice, I know I've said this before, but thank you. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be alive, because if Bella hadn't stopped me, I would have shown myself seconds later."

"I know," was all that Alice responded.

**It wasn't enough to make me hopeful, to make me feel the relief she obviously felt. There was still so many ways that we could be too late. And if I didn't get through the walls into the Volturi city, I wouldn't be able to stop Alice from dragging me back home. "Alice?" "What?" "I'm confused. How are you seeing this so clearly? And then other times, you see things far away—things that don't happen?" **

"Because it was happening very soon, right?" Edward muttered quietly. Alice quietly nodded her head slowly.

"**It's clear because it's immediate and close, and I'm really concentrating. The faraway things that come on their own—those are just glimpses, faint maybes. Plus, I see my kind more easily than yours. Edward is even easier because I'm so attuned to him."**

"Because he's my brother," Alice pointed out.

"**You see me sometimes," I reminded her. She shook her head. "Not as clearly." I sighed. "I really wish you could have been right about me. In the beginning, when you first saw things about me, before we even met…"**

"I guess I don't have to worry about that vision anymore," I said. Edward chuckled.

"**What do you mean?" "You saw me become one of you." I barely mouthed the words. She sighed. "It was a possibility at the time." "At the time," I repeated. "Actually, Bella…" She hesitated, and then seemed to make a choice. "Honestly, I think it's all gotten beyond ridiculous. "I'm debating whether to just change you myself.**

I heard a growl come from Edward.

**I stared at her, frozen with shock. Instantly, my mind resisted her words. I couldn't afford that kind of hope if she changed her mind.**

"If he died, I would have changed you," she told me.

"**Did I scare you?" she wondered. "I thought that's what you wanted." "I do!" I gasped. "Oh, Alice, do it now!**

"Err Bella, that would be really awkward to the other people on the plane," Carlisle said. Everyone laughed.

"**I could help you so much—and I wouldn't slow you down. Bite me!"**

Emmett snickered.

"Well, since the fact that it takes 2-3 days to transform, that would be a massive problem!" Alice pointed out.

"**Shh," she cautioned. The attendant was looking in our direction again. "Try to be reasonable," she whispered. "We don't have enough time. We have to get into Volterra tomorrow. You'd be writhing in pain for days."**

"Déjà vu. She wanted to be changed to help with the newborn battle too," Jasper remembered.

**She made a face. "And I don't think the other passengers would react well."**

"Probably not," Edward laughed.

**I bit my lip. "If you don't do it now, you'll change your mind." **

"Unlike Edward here, I don't do that."

"**No." She frowned, her expression unhappy. "I don't think I will. He'll be furious, but what will he be able to do about it?" My heart beat faster. "Nothing at all."**

I heard a massive growl, not only from Edward this time, but from Jake as well.

**She laughed quietly, and then sighed. "You have too much faith in me, Bella. I'm not sure that I **_**can. **_**I'll probably just end up killing you."**

"I doubt that would change her mind," Edward pointed out.

"**I'll take my chances."**

"See?" he asked with a grin on his face.

"**You are so bizarre, even for a human."**

"I second that!" Quil shouted. Jake whacked him over the head for me. I mouthed _thank you_ to him.

"**Thanks." "Oh well, this is purely hypothetical at this point, anyway. First we have to live through tomorrow." "Good point." But at least I had something to hope for if we did. If Alice made good on her promise—and if she didn't kill me—then Edward could run after his distractions all he wanted, and I could follow. I wouldn't let him be distracted.**

"You're no distraction," he said with a smile, kissing my forehead lightly.

**Maybe, when I was beautiful and strong, he would want distractions.**

"You are beautiful."

"**Go back to sleep," she encouraged me. "I'll wake you up when there's something new." "Right," I grumbled, certain that sleep was a lost cause now. Alice pulled her legs up on the seat, wrapping her arms around them and leaning her forehead against her knees. She rocked back and forth as she concentrated. I rested my head against the seat, watching her, and the next thing I knew, she was snapping the shade closed against the faint brightening of the eastern sky.**

"Do you ever remember when you fall asleep?" Edward chuckled.

"Well, I don't have to worry about that anymore," I grinned at him. He chuckled again.

"**What's happening?" I mumbled. "They've told him no," she said quietly. I noticed at once that her enthusiasm was gone. My voice choked in my throat with pain. "What's he going to do?" "It was chaotic at first. I was only getting flickers, he was changing plans so quickly."**

"Because I was trying to come up with the best plan to get killed," Edward said very quietly.

"**What kinds of plans?" I pressed. "There was a bad hour," she whispered. "He'd decided to go hunting."**

Carlisle looked at him, clearly upset and hurt.

**She looked at me, seeing the incomprehension in my face. "In the city," she explained. "It got very close. He changed his mind at the last minute." "He wouldn't want to disappoint Carlisle," I mumbled.**

"Exactly," Edward pointed out.

"**Probably," she agreed. "Will there be enough time?" As I spoke, there was a shift in the cabin pressure. I could feel the plane angling downward. **

"Barely," I muttered.

"**I'm hoping so—if he sticks to his latest decision, maybe." "What is that?" "He's going to keep it simple. He's just going to walk out into the sun."**

It went quiet in the room as we all remembered that particular moment.

**Just walk out into the sun. That was all. It would be enough. The image of Edward in the meadow—glowing, shimmering like his skin was made of a million diamond facets—was burned into my memory. No human who saw that would ever forget. The Volturi couldn't possibly allow it. Not if they wanted to keep their city inconspicuous. I looked at the slight gray glow that shone through the open windows. "We'll be too late," I whispered, my throat closing in panic.**

"I'm glad you didn't give up, though," Edward said to me honestly.

**She shook her head. "Right now, he's leaning toward the melodramatic. He wants the biggest audience possible, so he'll choose the main plaza, under the clock tower. The walls are high there. He'll wait till the sun is exactly overhead."**

"Not to mention that it was St. Marcus Day," I pointed out as I shuddered.

"**So we have till noon?" "If we're lucky. If he sticks with this decision." The pilot came on over the intercom, announcing, first in French and then English, our imminent landing.**

"Err, Bella, that was Italian. We were flying into Italy, not Paris," Alice said. Everyone laughed.

**The seat belt lights dinged and flashed. "How far is it from Florence to Volterra?" "That depends on how fast you drive…Bella?" "Yes?" She eyed me speculatively. "How strongly are you opposed to grand theft auto?"**

"So that's how you got the yellow Porsche while in Italy," Edward laughed.

**A bright yellow Porsche screamed to a stop a few feet in front of where I paced, the word TURBO scrawled in silver cursive across its back. Everyone beside me on the crowded airport sidewalk stared.**

"I would have stared too, honestly," Edward pointed out.

"Well, I needed the fastest car I could find," Alice pointed out to him.

"**Hurry, Bella!" Alice shouted impatiently through the open passenger window. I ran to the door and threw myself in, feeling as though I might as well be wearing a black stocking over my head.**

Edward and Alice both chuckled.

"**Sheesh, Alice," I complained. "Could you pick a **_**more**_** conspicuous car to steal?**

We all laughed this time.

**The interior was black leather, and the windows were tinted dark. It felt safer inside, like nighttime. Alice was already weaving, too fast, through the thick of airport traffic—sliding through tiny spaces between the cars as I cringed and fumbled for my seat belt. "The important question," she corrected, "is whether I could have stolen a faster can, and I don't think so. I got lucky."**

"And even luckier when I got it as a gift," Alice said with a grin. Edward grinned back.

"**I'm sure that will be very comforting at the roadblock." She trilled a laugh. "Trust me, Bella. If anyone sets up a roadblock, it will be **_**behind **_**us." She hit the gas then, as if to prove her point. **

"No, I hit the gas to get there in time," Alice said to me.

**I probably should have watched out the window as first the city of Florence and then the Tuscan landscape flashed past with blurring speed. This was my first trip anywhere, and maybe my last, too. But Alice's driving frightened me, despite the fact that I knew I could trust her behind the wheel. And I was too tortured with anxiety to really see the hills or the walled towns that looked like castles in the distance.**

"Reminder to self, take Bella to Italy on second honeymoon," Edward said quietly. I smiled sweetly at him.

"**Do you see anything more?" "There's something going on," Alice muttered. "Some kind of festival. The streets are full of people and red flags. What's the date today?"**

"St. Marcus Day?" Carlisle asked Edward. He nodded.

**I wasn't entirely sure. "The nineteenth, maybe?" "Well, that's ironic. It's Saint Marcus Day."**

"Ironic indeed," Carlisle said.

"**Which means?" She chuckled darkly. "The city holds a celebration every year. As the legend goes, a Christian missionary, a Father Marcus—Marcus of the Volturi, in fact—drove all the vampires from Volterra fifteen hundred years ago.**

"Well, that's ironic, isn't it?" Jake chuckled.

"**The story claims he was martyred in Romania, still trying to drive away the vampire scourge. Of course that's nonsense—he's never left the city. **

"Well, there was one time," Edward said quietly. We all looked at Nessie, who was resting in Edward's lap now, for a few moments, remembering that terrible day when the Volturi came. I saw the Denali family looking very upset. I guess they were remembering how Irina was killed. After we all calmed down, I read again.

"**But that's where some of the superstitions about things like crosses and garlic come from.**

"Really?" Sam asked, sounding very interested. Carlisle nodded.

"_**Father**_** Marcus used them so successfully. And vampires don't trouble Volterra, so they must work." Her smile was sardonic. "It's become more of a celebration of the city, and recognition for the police force—after all, Volterra is an amazingly safe city. The police get the credit." I was realizing what she meant when she'd said **_**ironic**_**. "They're not going to be very happy if Edward messes things up for them on St. Marcus Day, are they?"**

"Not that it matters, since they _ATE_ all the guests!" I shouted angrily. Edward rubbed my back for a few moments, while Jasper calmed me down.

**She shook her head, her expression grim. "No. They'll act very quickly." I looked away, fighting against my teeth as they tried to break through the skin of my lower lip. Bleeding was not the best idea right now.**

"I would have to agree with that," Alice commented.

**The sun was terrifyingly high in the pale blue sky. "He's still planning on noon?" I checked. "Yes. He's decided to wait. And they're waiting for him." She kept her eyes on the winding road—the needle on the speedometer was touching the far right on the dial. "you don't have to do anything. He just has to see you before he moves in to the light. And he has to see you before he sees me."**

"I saw her, but I thought I was seeing a ghost," Edward mumbled.

"**How are we going to work that?" A small red car seemed to be racing backward as Alice zoomed around it. "I'm going to get you as close as possible, and then you're going to run in the direction I point you." I nodded. "Try not to trip," she added. "We don't have time for a concussion today."**

"I nearly did trip."

**I groaned. That would be just like me—ruin everything, destroy the world, in a moment of klumziness.**

I heard an awkward, dark laugh come from most of the people in the room. "No big deal," I said. They laughed more.

**The sun continued to climb in the sky while Alice raced against it. It was too bright, and that had me panicking. Maybe he wouldn't feel the need to wait for noon after all. "There," Alice said abruptly, pointing to the castle city atop the closest hill. I stared at it, feeling the very first hint of a new kind of fear. Every minute since yesterday morning—it seemed like a week ago—when Alice had spoken his name at the foot of the stairs, there had been only one fear. And yet, now, as I stared at the ancient sienna walls and towers crowning the peak of the steep hill, I felt another, more selfish kind of dread thrill through me. I supposed the city was very beautiful. It absolutely terrified me. "Volterra," Alice announced in a flat, icy voice.**

Well, here goes nothing, I thought to myself as I continued to read.

**Hey guys, chapter's over. Massive chapter coming up. Can't wait to start writing it. Big news, got myself an Edward t-shirt and 2 bracelets. One says, "new moon" and the other "I'd rather die than be with anyone but you." I'm wearing the bracelets right now but saving the shirt for Thursday. Also, I posted a one shot recently that only got 3 reviews. I would appreciate it if you take a look at it and tell me what you think. It's called, Jasper's blast from the past. Thanks in advance. So anyway, read and review, and I can't wait for Thursday night at midnight!~!!!**


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in it.**

**Hey guys, guess who's back again. Thank you to everyone for their reviews, and guess what! Edward's back this chapter!!!!! One last thing, I would like to give a super special shout out to one of my best friends who just reviewed my story. You'll see his name in the reviews under Joe F. So thanks Joe!! Oreo 42 for life! Anyway, here we go.**

Chapter 24 (Chapter 20- Volterra)

** We began the steep climb, and the road grew congested. As we wound higher, the cars became too close together for Alice to weave insanely between them anymore. We slowed to a crawl behind a little tan Peugeot.**

"Gotta love Volterra traffic," Alice chuckled.

**"Alice," I moaned. The clock on the dash seemed to be speeding up. "It's the only way in," she tried to soothe me. But her voice was too strained for comfort. The cars continued to edge forward, one car length at a time. The sun beamed down brilliantly, seeming already overhead. The cars crept one by one toward the city.**

"The wait must have been torture," Carlisle commented. Alice and I both nodded.

**As we got closer, I could see cars parked by the side of the road with people getting out to walk the rest of the way. At first I thought it was just impatience—something I could easily understand. But then we came around a switchback, and I could see the filled parking lot outside the city wall, the crowds of people walking through the gates.**

"Yeah, but you wouldn't have had time if you parked, would you?" Carlisle asked in confusion.

**No one was being allowed to drive through. "Alice," I whispered urgently. "I know," she said. Her face was chiseled from ice. Now that I was looking, we were crawling slowly enough to see. I could tell that it was very windy. The people crowding toward the gate gripped their hats and tugged their hair out of their face. Their clothes billowed around them. I also noticed that the color red was everywhere.**

"St. Marcus Day," Edward reminded me.

**Red shirts, red hats, red flags dripping like long ribbons beside the gate, whipping in the wind—as I watched, the brilliant crimson scarf one woman had tied around her hair was caught in a sudden gust. It twisted up into the air above her, writhing like it was alive. She reached for it, jumping in the air, but it continued to flutter higher, a patch of bloody color against the dull, ancient walls.**

We all laughed a little.

**"Bella." Alice spoke quickly in a fierce low voice. "I can't see what the guard here will decide now—if this doesn't work, you're going to have to go in alone.**

"You should do what we Cullens do best in desperate times, pay them up," Emmett joked. Alice nodded.

**"You're going to have to run. Just keep asking for the Palazzo dei Priori, and running in the direction they tell you. Don't get lost. "Palazzo dei Priori, Palazzo dei Priori," I repeated the name over and over again, trying to get it down. "Or 'the clock tower,' if they speak English. I'll go around and try to find a secluded spot somewhere behind the city where I can go over the wall."**

"Being a vampire, I'm sure you'll have no problem with that," Jake chuckled.

**I nodded. "Palazzo dei Priori." "Edward will be under the clock tower, to the north of the square. There's a narrow alleyway on the right, and he'll be in the shadow there. You have to get his attention before he can move into the sun."**

"And he didn't exactly help with that either," I commented. Edward frowned.

**I nodded furiously. Alice was near the front of the line. A man in a navy blue uniform was directing the flow of traffic, turning the cars away from the full lot. They U-turned and headed back to find a place beside the road. Then it was Alice's turn. **

I took a deep breath before continuing. I was nervous to read this chapter.

**The uniformed man motioned lazily, not paying attention. Alice accelerated, edging around him and headed for the gate.**

Emmett snorted.

**He shouted something at us, but held his ground waving frantically to keep the next car from following our bad example.**

"Oops," Alice grinned.

**The man at the gate wore a matching uniform. As we approached him, the throngs of tourists passed, crowding the sidewalks, staring curiously at the pushy, flashy Porsche. **

"Like I said, very conspicuous," I teased. Alice laughed.

**The guard stepped into the middle of the street. Alice angled the car carefully before she came to a full stop. The sun beat against my window and she was in shadow. She swiftly reached behind the seat and grabbed something from her bag. The guard came around the car with an irritated expression, and tapped on her window angrily.**

We were all laughing at this insane situation.

**She rolled the window down halfway, and I watched him do a double take when he saw the face behind the dark glass. "I'm sorry, only tour buses allowed in the city today, miss," he said in English, with a heavy accent. He was apologetic, now, as if he wished he had better news for the strikingly beautiful woman. "It's a private tour," Alice said, flashing an alluring smile.**

"Very private," I chuckled.

**She reached her hand out of the window, into the sunlight. I froze, until I realized she was wearing an elbow-length, tan glove.**

"Always have to come prepared," she said with a grin.

**She took his hand, still rose from tapping her window, and pulled it into the car. She put something into his palm, and folded his fingers around it. His face was dazed as he retrieved his hand and stared at the thick roll of money he now held. The outside bill was a thousand dollar bill.**

Jacob's eyes widened in shock.

**"Is this a joke?" he mumbled.**

"I agree," Jake commented.

**Alice's smile was blinding. "Only if you think it's funny." He looked at her, his eyes staring wide. I glanced nervously at the clock on the dash. If Edward stuck to his plan, we had only five minutes left. "I'm in a wee bit of a hurry," she hinted, still smiling.**

"That's an understatement," Edward commented.

**The guard blinked twice, and then shoved the money inside his vest. He took a step away from the window and waved us on. None of the passing people seemed to notice the quiet exchange. Alice drove into the city, and we both sighed in relief. **

"Thank you," Edward mouthed to Alice. She nodded at him.

**The street was very narrow, cobbled with the same color stones as the faded cinnamon brown buildings that darkened the street with their shade. It had the feel of an alleyway. Red flags decorated the walls, spaced only a few yards apart, flapping in the wind that whistled through the narrow lane. It was crowded, and the foot traffic slowed our progress.**

Carlisle's eyes widened.

"They did make it on time, by a margin of seconds," Edward responded to a silent question. Carlisle relaxed slightly and nodded.

**"Just a little farther," Alice encouraged me; I was gripping the door handle, ready to throw myself into the street as soon as she spoke the word. She drove in quick spurts and sudden stops, and the people in the crowd shook their fists at us and said angry words that I was glad I couldn't understand.**

"They said a lot of dirty words," Alice chuckled.

**She turned into a little path that couldn't have been meant for cars; shocked people had to squeeze into doorways as we scraped by.**

Jake and Embry laughed. "Nice driving!" they said at the same time. We all laughed.

**The buildings were taller here; they leaned together overhead so that no sunlight touché the pavement—the thrashing red flags on either side nearly met. The crowd was thicker here than anywhere else. Alice stopped the car. I had the door open before we were at a standstill. She pointed to where the street widened into a patch of bright openness. "There—we're at the southern end of the square. Run straight across, to the right of the clock tower. I'll find a way around—"**

"Good luck with that," Emmett chuckled.

**Her breath caught suddenly, and when she spoke again, her voice was a hiss. "They're **_**everywhere**_**!"**

I shuddered at the thought of all the people, who later that day got eaten by the Volturi.

**I froze in place, but she pushed me out of the car. "Forget about them. You have two minutes. "Go, Bella, go!" she shouted, climbing out of the car as she spoke. I didn't pause to watch Alice melt into the shadows. I didn't stop to close my door behind me. I shoved a heavy woman out of my way and ran flat out, head down, paying little attention to anything but the uneven stones between my feet.**

"Nice, I never knew Bells was one to shove people out of their way," Jake teased. We all laughed.

**Coming out of the dark lane, I was blinded by the brilliant sunlight beating down into the principal plaza. The wind **_**whooshed**_** into me, flinging my hair into my eyes and blinding me further. It was no wonder that I didn't see the wall of flesh until I'd smacked into it. There was no pathway, no crevice between the close pressed bodies.**

"How did you get through?" Carlisle asked me.

"Just listen and you'll find out."

**I heard exclamations of irritation and even pain as I battled my way through, but none were in a language I understood.**

Alice smirked at me. "Must have been Spanish, according to you," she teased. I stuck my tongue out at her.

**The faces were a blur of anger and surprise, surrounded by the ever-present red. A blond woman scowled at me, and the red scarf coiled around her neck looked like a gruesome wound. A child, lifted on a man's shoulders to see over the crowd, grinned down at me, his lips distended over a set of plastic vampire fangs.**

"Nice," Emmett joked. (If only I could find a pair of fake fangs for midnight- yes I'm writing this part on Thursday afternoon)

**The throng jostled around me, spinning me the wrong direction. I was glad the clock was so visible, or I'd never keep my course straight. But both hands on the clock pointed up toward the pitiless sun, and though I shoved viciously against the crowd, I knew I was too late. I wasn't halfway across. I wasn't going to make it. I was stupid and slow and human, and we were all going to die because of it.**

"I'm glad you didn't give up," Edward whispered in my ear softly.

**I hoped Alice would get out. I hoped that she would see me from some dark shadow and know that I had failed, so she could go home to Jasper. I listened, above the angry exclamations, trying to hear the sound of discovery: the gasp, maybe a scream, as Edward came into someone's view. **

"I'm so glad I waited for the clock to toll its last toll," Edward commented out loud this time.

**But there was a break in the crowd—I could see a bubble of space ahead. I pushed urgently toward it, not realizing till I bruised my skins against the bricks that there was a wide, square fountain set into the center of the plaza.**

Author moment: Oh my god, memories of the preview. I can't believe I'm seeing it in 10 in a half hours!!!!

**I was nearly crying with relief as I flung my leg over the edge and ran through the knee-deep water.**

"I guess that's one way to get to him," Carlisle chuckled.

**Even in the sun, the wind was glacial, and the wet made the cold actually painful. But the fountain was very wide; it let me cross the center of the square and then some in mere seconds. I didn't pause when I hit the far edge—I used the low wall as a springboard, throwing myself into the crowd.**

"How you made it to me is beyond me, however I am truly grateful you did."

**They moved more readily for me now, avoiding the icy water that splattered from my dripping clothes as I ran. I glanced up at the clock again. A deep, booming chime echoed through the square. It throbbed in the stones under my feet. Children cried, covering their ears. And I started screaming as I ran. "Edward!" I screamed, knowing it was useless.**

"I did hear you, remember, vampire? Problem was, I thought I was hearing a ghost."

**I ran past a child in his mother's arms—his hair was almost white in the dazzling sunlight. A circle of tall men, all wearing red blazers, called out warnings as I barreled through them. The clock tolled again. On the other side of the men in blazers, there was a break in the throng, space between the sightseers who milled aimlessly around me.**

"Thank goodness for that," I commented quietly.

**My eyes searched the dark narrow passage to the right of the wide square edifice under the tower. I couldn't see the street level—there were still too many people in the way. The clock tolled again. It was hard to see now. Without the crowd to break the wind, it whipped at my face and burned my eyes. I couldn't be sure it that was the reason behind my tears, or if I was crying in defeat as the clock tolled again.**

"Probably the second one," I commented.

**A little family of four stood nearest to the alley's mouth. The two girls wore crimson dresses, with matching ribbons tying their dark hair back. The father wasn't tall. It seemed like I could see something bright in the shadows, just over his shoulder. I hurtled toward them, trying to see past the stinging tears. The clock tolled, and the littlest girl clamped her hands over her ears.**

"Edward, you are very lucky that you had someone there to save you. I don't know what I would have done if you didn't make it out of there alive," Esme sobbed silent tears. Carlisle gently rubbed her back.

**The older girl, just waist high on her mother, hugged her mother's leg and stared into the shadows behind them. As I watched, she tugged on her mother's elbow and pointed toward the darkness. The clock tolled, and I was close now. I was close enough to hear her high-pitched voice. Her father stared at me in surprise as I bore down on them, rasping out Edward's name over and over again.**

"Poor Bella," Carmen cooed.

**The older girl giggled and said something to her mother, gesturing toward the shadows again impatiently. I swerved around the father—he clutched the baby out of my way—and sprinted for the gloomy breach behind them as the clock tolled over my head. "Edward, no!" I screamed, but my voice was lost in the roar of the chime. I could see him now. And I could see that he could not see me.**

"No, but I heard you," he commented.

**It was really him, no hallucination this time. And I realized that my delusions were more flawed than I'd realized; they'd never done him justice.**

"Thanks," Edward said awkwardly, not knowing if that was a compliment or not. I chuckled quietly.

**Edward stood, motionless as a statue, just a few feet from the mouth of the alley. His eyes were closed, the rings underneath them deep purple, his arms relaxed at his sides, his palms turned forward. His expression was very peaceful, like he was dreaming pleasant things.**

"I was prepared to die, and was ready to face it, so I had nothing to fear at that point in time," Edward said glumly.

**The marble skin of his chest was bare—there was a small pile of white fabric at his feet. The light reflecting from the pavement of the square gleamed dimly from his skin. **

I saw Esme grasp onto Carlisle for support. A sudden wave of calmness came over the room. Clearly, I wasn't the only tense one in the room, even if we all knew he survives the ordeal.

**I'd never seen anything more beautiful—even as I ran, gasping and screaming, I could appreciate that.**

"I could think of two things more beautiful," Edward said kindly. He kissed Nessie on the forehead, then kissed my cheek. I smiled at him.

**And the last seven months meant nothing. And his words in the forest meant nothing.**

I heard a growl come from Jake.

**And it did not matter if he did not want me. I would never want anything but him, no matter how long I lived. The clock tolled, and he took a large stride toward the light.**

I heard a gasp come from most of the people in the room.

**"No!" I screamed. "Edward, look at me!" He wasn't listening. He smiled very slightly. He raised his foot to take the step that would put him directly in the path of the sun.**

Another gasp.

**I slammed into him so hard that the force would have hurled me to the ground if his arms hadn't caught me and held me up. It knocked my breath out of me and snapped my head back. **

"Playing it kinda close, bro, doncha' think?" Emmett said to Edward.

**His dark eyes opened slowly as the clock tolled again. He looked down at me with quiet surprise.**

"Surprise is an understatement. I was downright shocked," Edward pointed out.

**"Amazing," he said, his exquisite voice full of wonder, slightly amused. "Carlisle was right."**

Carlisle looked at him, confused.

**"Edward," I tried to gasp, but my voice had no sound. "You've got to get back into the shadows. You have to move!" He seemed bemused. His hand brushed softly against my cheek. **

"Why weren't you running??" Alice asked incredulously.

"I thought I had died and gone to heaven."

**He didn't appear to notice that I was trying to force him back. I could have been pushing against the alley walls for all the progress I was making. The clock tolled, but he didn't react. It was very strange, for I knew we were both in mortal danger. Still, in that instant, I felt **_**well**_**.**

"I know what you mean," Edward said.

**Whole. I could feel my heart racing in my chest, the blood pulsing hot and fast through my veins again. My lungs filled deep with the sweet scent that came off his skin. It was like there had never been any hole in my chest. I was perfect—not healed, but as if there had been no wound in the first place.**

Edward smiled sweetly at me.

**"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing—they're very good," he mused, closing his eyes again and pressing his lips against my hair. His voice was like honey and velvet. "**_**Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty," **_**he murmured, and I recognized the line spoken by Romeo in the tomb.**

"Great, Bella's trying to save you from yourself, and you're quoting Shakespeare!!" Alice exclaimed in anger.

**The clock boomed out its final chime. "You smell just exactly the same as always," he went on. "So maybe this is hell. I don't care. I'll take it."**

"Not far off," Edward muttered quietly.

**"I'm not dead," I interrupted.**

"Not yet," Jake muttered under his breath. I glared at him.

**"And neither are you! Please Edward, we have to move. They can't be far away!" I struggled in his arms, and his brow furrowed in confusion. "What was that?" he asked politely. "We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi—"**

"I'm guessing that got him going," Carlisle commented.

**Comprehension flickered on his feet as I spoke. Before I could finish, he suddenly yanked me away from the edge of the shadows, spinning me effortlessly so that my back was tight against the brick wall, and his back was to me as he faced away into the alley. His arms spread wide, protectively, in front of me.**

"Yeah, I reacted partially because of what Bella said, but I also heard _their_ thoughts and knew they were coming to get me," Edward commented.

**I peeked under his arm to see two dark shapes detach themselves from the gloom. "Greetings, gentlemen," Edward's voice was calm and pleasant, on the surface. **

"Not on the inside though," he muttered.

**"I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if you would send my thanks to your masters."**

"In other words, GO THE FUCK AWAY!!" Emmett exclaimed. Esme looked at him in shock and disapproval, while we all tried to hold back our snickers from escaping.

"Sorry, _mom_," Emmett said innocently. We were still trying to hold back our laughter when I started to read again.

**"Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue?" a smooth voice whispered menacingly.**

"Yeah right, so you can kill him and Bella, as if," Alice snorted.

**"I don't believe that will be necessary." Edward's voice was harder now. "I know your instructions, Felix. I haven't broken any rules."**

"He's right," Carlisle commented.

**"Felix merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun," the other shadow said in a soothing tone. They were both concealed within smoky grey clouds that reached to the ground and undulated in the wind. "Let us seek better cover." "I'll be right behind you," Edward said dryly. "Bella, why don't you go back to the square and enjoy the festival?"**

"Best idea yet," Jake muttered.

**"No, bring the girl," the first shadow said, somehow injecting a leer into his whisper. **

I heard a growl come from Edward. I realized I was growling some as well.

**"I don't think so." The pretense of civility disappeared. Edward's voice was flat and icy. His weight shifted infinitesimally, and I could see that he was preparing to fight.**

"Anything to save you, my love," Edward whispered in my ear. I looked up and pecked him on the lips, before turning back to the book.

**"No." I mouthed the words. "Shh," he murmured, only for me. "Felix," the second, more reasonable shadow cautioned.**

Edward snorted at the word 'reasonable.'

**"Not here." He turned to Edward. "Aro would simply like to speak with you again, if you have decided not to force our hand after all." "Certainly," Edward agreed. **

"Anything to get away from Bella and keep her safe, right?" Carlisle asked. Edward nodded.

**"But the girl goes free." "I'm afraid that's not possible," the polite shadow said regretfully. "We do have rules to obey." "Then **_**I'm**_** afraid that I'll be unable to accept Aro's invitation, Demetri."**

"I wouldn't have expected anything less," Carlisle said with a smile.

**"That's just fine," Felix purred. My eyes were adjusting to the deep shade, and I could see that Felix was very big, tall, and thick through the shoulders. His size reminded me of Emmett. "Aro will be disappointed," Demetri sighed.**

"I doubt Edward cared too much about that," Emmett chuckled.

**"I'm sure he'll survive the letdown," Edward replied. Felix and Demetri stole closer toward the mouth of the alley, spreading out slightly so they could come at Edward from two sides. They meant to force him deeper into the alley, to avoid a scene. **

"Or to try to kill me themselves," Edward muttered under his breath.

**No reflected light found access to their skin; they were safe inside their cloaks. Edward didn't move an inch. He was dooming himself by protecting me. Abruptly, Edward's head whipped around, toward the darkness of the winding alley, and Demetri and Felix did the same, in response to some sound or movement too subtle for my senses.**

I saw Alice grinning out of the corner of my eye. I chuckled.

**"Let's behave ourselves, shall we?" a lilting voice suggested. "There are ladies present." Alice tripped lightly to Edward's side, her stance casual. There was no hint of any underlying tension. She looked so tiny, so fragile. **

"As she proved in time and time again, she's not fragile," Jasper grinned, kissing his wife on the forehead. I smiled back.

**Her little arms swung like a child's. **

"And sometimes she behaves like a child," Edward said with a grin. Alice stuck her tongue out at him. He chuckled. "See?" We all laughed.

**Yet Demetri and Felix both straightened up, their cloaks swirling slightly as a gust of wind funneled through the alley. Felix's face soured. Apparently, they didn't like even numbers.**

Alice grinned.

**"We're not alone," she reminded them. Demetri glanced over his shoulder. A few yards into the square, the little family, with the girls in their red dresses, was watching us. The mother was speaking urgently to her husband, her eyes on the five of us. She looked away when Demetri met her gaze. The man walked a few steps farther into the plaza, and tapped one of the red-blazed men on the shoulder. Demetri shook his head. "Please, Edward, let's be reasonable," he said. **

"What's reasonable to you is not reasonable to myself."

**"Let's," Edward agreed. "And we'll leave quietly, with no one the wiser." Demetri sighed in frustration. "At least let us discuss this more privately." Six more men in red now joined the family as they watched us with anxious expressions. I was very conscious of Edward's protective stance in front of me—sure that this was what caused their alarm. I wanted to scream to them to run. **

"I don't blame you."

**Edward's teeth came together audibly. "No." Felix smiled. "Enough." The voice was high, reedy, and it came from behind us.**

I shuddered at the thought of Jane's voice.

**I peeked under Edward's other arm to see a small, dark shape coming toward us. By the way the edges billowed, I knew it would be another one of them. Who else?**

"Except for that this one is a complete BITCH!" Emmett exclaimed. Esme glared at him with warning eyes, and he went quiet.

**At first I thought it was a young boy. **

Edward chuckled.

**The newcomer was as tiny as Alice, with lank, pale brown hair trimmed short. **

_WHATS WITH JANE"S BLOND HAIR IN THE MOVIE????? THEY DYED ROSE'S HAIR TO BE BLOND FOR THE FILM! ANYWAY, BACK TO STORY_

**The body was under the cloak—which was darker, almost black—was slim and androgynous. But the face was too pretty for a boy. The wide-eyed, full-lipped face would make a Botticelli angel look like a gargoyle. Even allowing for the dull crimson irises. Her size was so insignificant that the reaction to her appearance confused me.**

"Appearances aren't everything, Bella," Edward reminded me.

**Felix and Demetri relaxed immediately, stepping back from their offensive positions to blend again with the shadows of the overhanging walls. Edward dropped his arms and relaxed his position as well—but in defeat.**

"Well, we were out-numbered."

**"Jane," he sighed in recognition and resignation. Alice folded her arms across her chest, her expression impassive. "Follow me," Jane spoke again, her childish voice a monotone. She turned her back on us and drifted silently into the dark. Felix gestured for us to go first, smirking.**

"That smirk is wiped off when you find out we're free to leave after some arguing," Alice said with a grin.

**Alice walked after the little Jane at once. Edward wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me along beside her. **

Jake growled a little. I stared at him in disbelief. "You just go running into his arms like nothing happened." It went silent for a few moments while Jasper relaxed Jake.

**The alley angled slightly downward as it narrowed. I looked up at him with frantic questions in my eyes, but he just shook his head.**

"You always have frantic questions," Edward chuckled.

**Though I couldn't hear the others behind us, I was sure they were there. "Well, Alice," Edward said conversationally as we walked. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you here."**

"Well, I was surprised at first, when I smelled you and heard you say in my mind, _don't go anywhere, I'm right behind you._ But once I figured it out, I was very grateful for bringing Bella there to save me."

**"It was my mistake," Alice answered in the same tone. "It was my job to set it right."**

"No, it was _my_ fault," Rose muttered quietly. She looked at myself and Edward with apologetic eyes. We nodded understandingly at the same time.

**"What happened?' His voice was polite, as if he were barely interested. "It's a long story." Alice's eyes flickered toward me and away. "In summary, she did jump off a cliff, but she wasn't trying to kill herself. Bella's all about the extreme sports these days."**

I saw Edward eying Jacob angrily. I rubbed his back to relax him.

**I flushed and turned my eyes straight ahead, looking after the dark shadow that I could no longer see. I could imagine what he was hearing in Alice's thoughts now. Near-drownings, stalking vampires, werewolf friends… **

"I'm sure _Edward_ _loved_ that," Jake said sarcastically. Edward growled.

**"Hm," Edward said curtly, and the casual tone of his voice was gone. There was a loose curve to the alley, still slanting downward, so I didn't see the squared-off dead end coming until we reached the flat, windowless, brick face. The little one called Jane was nowhere to be seen. Alice didn't hesitate, didn't break pace as she strode toward the wall. Then, with easy grace, she slid down an open hole in the street.**

Jake looked amazed. "You expect Bella to do that?"

**It looked like a drain, sunk into the lowest point of the paving. I hadn't noticed until Alice disappeared, but the grate was halfway pushed aside. The hole was small, and black. **

"Good place to hide evil bloodsuckers," Paul muttered.

**I balked. "It's all right, Bella," Edward said in a low voice. "Alice will catch you." I eyed the hole doubtfully. I imagine he would have gone first, if Demetri and Felix hadn't been waiting, smug and silent, behind us.**

"Absolutely."

**I crouched down, swinging my legs into the narrow gap. "Alice?" I whispered, voice trembling. "I'm right here, Bella," she reassured me. Her voice came from too far below to make me feel better.**

"You know I would never let you get hurt," Alice cooed.

**Edward took my wrists—his hands felt like stones in winter—and lowered me into the blackness. "Ready?" he asked. "Drop her," Alice called. I closed my eyes so I couldn't see the darkness, scrunching them together in terror, clamping my mouth shut so I would scream. Edward let me fall.**

"I love how my sis doesn't trust me to catch her," Alice sniffled fakely. I smiled at her.

**It was silent and short. The air whipped past me for just half a second, and then, with a huff as I exhaled, Alice's waiting arms caught me. I was going to have bruises; her arms were very hard. She stood me upright.**

"Not like the bruises after our _first night_," Edward muttered.

**It was dim, but not black at the bottom. The light from the hole above provided a faint glow, reflecting wetly from the stones under my feet. The light vanished for a second, and then Edward was a faint, white radiance beside me. He put his arm around me, holding me close to his side, and began to tow me swiftly forward. I wrapped both arms around his cold waist and tripped and stumbled my way across the uneven stone surface.**

Emmett snickered. "I miss your clumsiness."

"You know, I was so clumsy that I was afraid I would be the only clumsy vampire." Everyone laughed.

**The sound of the heavy grate sliding over the drain hole behind us rang with metallic finality. The dim light from the street was quickly lost in the gloom. The sound of my staggering footsteps echoed through the black space; it sounded very wide, but I couldn't be sure. There were no sounds other than my frantic heartbeat and my feet on the wet stones—except for once, when an impatient sigh whispered from behind us.**

"Nice and patient, aren't they?" Edward asked sarcastically.

**Edward held me tightly. He reached his free hand across his body to hold my face, too, his smooth thumb tracing across my lips. Now and then, I felt his face press into my hair. I realized that this was the only reunion we would get, and I clutched myself closer to him.**

"I was afraid of that too," Edward said.

**For now, it felt like he wanted me, and that was enough to offset the horror of the subterranean tunnel and the prowling vampires behind us. It was probably no more than guilt—the same guilt that compelled him to come here to die when he'd believed that it was his fault that I'd killed myself.**

"Bella," Edward sounded exasperated.

**But I felt his lips press silently against my forehead, and I didn't care what the motivation was.**

"There is no motivation when it comes to true love. The only motivation I have is to love you forever."

**At least I could be with him again before I died. That was better than a long life.**

"Not the way I see it."

**I wished I could ask him exactly what was going to happen now. I wanted desperately to know how we were going to die—as if that would somehow make it better, knowing in advance. But I couldn't speak, even in a whisper, surrounded as we were. The others could hear everything—my every breath, my every heartbeat. The path beneath our feet continued to slant downward, taking us deeper into the ground, and it made me claustrophobic.**

"I'm sure I helped that," Edward said with a grin on his face.

**Only Edward's hand, soothing against my face, kept me from screaming out loud. I couldn't tell where the light was coming from, but it slowly turned dark dray instead of black. We were in a low, arched tunnel. Long trails of ebony moisture seeped down the gray stones, like they were bleeding ink. I was shaking, and I thought it was from fear. It wasn't until my teeth started to chatter together that I realized I was cold.**

"Wow, Bells, no offense, but you need to pay attention to things more often," Jake commented. The wolves chuckled.

**My clothes were still wet, and the temperature underneath the city was wintry. As was Edward's skin. He realized this at the same time I did, and let go of me, keeping only my hand. "N-n-no," I chattered, throwing my arms around him. **

Edward chuckled at my stubbornness.

**I didn't care if I froze. Who knew how long we had left? His cold hand chafed against my arm, trying to warm me with the friction. **

"Where's the loveable werewolf when you need him?" I asked. Jake grinned at me.

**We hurried through the tunnel, or it felt like hurrying to me. My slow progress irritated someone—I guessed Felix—and I heard him heave a sigh now and then. At the end of the tunnel was a grate—the iron bars were rusting, but thick as my arm. A small door made of thinner, interlaced bars was standing open. Edward ducked through and hurried to a larger, brighter stone room. The grille slammed shut with a **_**clang**_**, followed by the snap of a lock. I was too afraid to look behind me. On the other side of the long room was a low, heavy wooden door. It was very thick—as I could tell because it, too, stood open. We stepped through the door, and I glanced around me in surprised, relaxing automatically. Beside me, Edward tensed his jaw clenched tight.**

**And there's the chapter. Sorry it took so long to post, I've had a lot to do, including seeing the midnight premier. If anyone wants to know what I thought of the movie, look at my review, that I posted as a story. Anyway, Volturi battle coming up. HOW FRICKEN AWESOME WAS THE VOLTURI SCENE IN THE MOVIE??????? So, what'd everyone else think of the movie?**


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in it**

**Hey guys, hope you have all seen the movie and enjoyed it as much as I do. I'd like to give a shoutout to all my reviewers, you guys are amazing, and at the end of the story, I have a surprise for you. But not telling til the last chapter. Enjoy. PS- TO FANS- DO NOT MESSAGE ME EVERYDAY BADGERING ME TO UPDATE, IT'S RUDE! I HAD ONE PERSON DO THIS TO ME FOR 3 DAYS, AND IT MADE ME ROYALLY PISSED ME OFF!!! FOR THE FANS WHO KNOW ME, THEY KNOW THAT IT TAKES A WHILE TO POST EACH CHAPTER, AND THEY ARE PATIENT. EVERYONE ELSE NEEDS TO BE TOO!! HAVE PEOPLE NEVER THOUGHT THAT FANFIC WRITERS HAVE LIVES TOO AND DON'T SIT AROUND ALL DAY WORKING ON FAN FICTION??? K, sorry guys, I know that was harsh, but the person who kept badgering me, like I said, royally pissed me off. Anyway, to the story!**

Chapter 25 (Chapter 21- Verdict)

** We were in a brightly lit, unremarkable hallway. The walls were off-white, the floor carpeted in industrial gray. Common rectangular fluorescent lights were spaced evenly along the ceiling. It was warmer here, for which I was grateful. This hall seemed very benign after the gloom of the ghoulish stone sewers.**

"Yeah, it's a real _comfort_ zone," Jake said sarcastically.

**Edward didn't seem to agree with my assessment.**

"Well, at least someone agrees that being in the same place as the Volturi is not exactly _comforting."_

**He glowered darkly down the long hallway, toward the slight, black shrouded figure at the end, standing by an elevator. He pulled me along, and Alice walked on my other side. The heavy door creaked shut behind us, and then there was the thud of a bolt sliding home. Jane waited by the elevator, one hand holding the doors open for us. Her expression was apathetic. **

"No surprise there," Edward commented.

**Once inside the elevator, the three vampires that belonged to the Volturi relaxed further. They threw back their cloaks, letting the hoods fall back on their shoulders. Felix and Demetri were both of a slightly olive complexion—it looked odd combined with their deep crimson around the edges, darkening until they were black around the pupil under the shrouds, their clothes were modern, pale and nondescript. I cowered in the corner, cringing against Edward.**

"And I will always be there to help you."

**His hand still rubbed against my arm. He never took his eyes off Jane.**

"You don't want to know the horrible things she was thinking. I couldn't take my eyes off her."

**The elevator ride was short;**

"And very awkward," I pointed out. (Remember how awkward it was in the movie haha)

**We stepped out into what looked like a posh office reception area. The walls were paneled in wood, the floors carpeted in thick, deep green. There were no windows, but large, brightly lit paintings of the Tuscan countryside hung everywhere as replacements. Pale leather couches were arranged in cozy groupings, and the glossy tables held crystal vases full of vibrantly colored bouquets.**

"What are they trying to do, make you feel at home?" Jake asked incredulously.

**The flowers' smell reminded me of a funeral home.**

"Or not," Jake chuckled.

**In the middle of the room was a high, polished mahogany counter. I gawked in astonishment at the woman behind it. She was tall, with dark skin and green eyes. She would have been very pretty in any other company—but not here. Because she was every bit as human as I was.**

I saw most of the wolves scowling at this.

**I couldn't comprehend what this human woman was doing here, totally at ease, surrounded by vampires. **

I heard Paul growl, no surprise there.

**She smiled politely in welcome. "Good afternoon, Jane," she said. There was no surprise in her face as she glanced at Jane's company. Not Edward, his bare chest glinting dimly in the white lights, or even mine, disheveled and comparatively hideous. Jane nodded. "Gianna." She continued toward a set of double doors in the back of the room, and we followed. As Felix passed the desk, he winked at Gianna, and she giggled. On the other side of the wooden doors was a different kind of reception.**

"This should be interesting," Sam commented darkly.

**The pale boy in the pearl gray suit could have been Jane's twin.**

Emmett chuckled. "The wonder twins."

**His hair was darker, and his lips were not as full, but he was just as lovely. He came forward to meet us. He smiled, reaching for her. "Jane." "Alec," she responded, embracing the boy. They kissed each other's cheeks on both sides. Then he looked at us. "They send you out for one and you come back with two…and a half," he noted, looking at me.**

Carlisle chuckled.

"**Nice work." She laughed—the sound sparkled with delight like a baby's cooing. **

"If only she acted that way too," Alice snorted.

"**Welcome back, Edward," Alec greeted him. "You see in a better mood." "Marginally," Edward agreed in a flat voice. I glanced at Edward's hard face, and wondered how his mood could have been darker before.**

"It's hard to be happy when you're in the presence of the Volturi."

**Alec chuckled, and examined me as I clung to Edward's side. "And this is the cause of all the trouble?"**

"Isn't she always?" Emmett teased with a smirk on his face. I stuck my tongue out at him.

**Edward only smiled, his expression contemptuous. Then he froze. "Dibs," Felix called casually from behind.**

Edward growled.

**Edward turned, a low snarl building deep in his chest. Felix smiled—his hand was raised, palm up; he curled his fingers twice, inviting Edward forward. Alice touched Edward's arm. "Patience," she cautioned him. They exchanged a long glance, and I wished I could hear what she was telling him. I figured that it was something to do with not attacking Felix, because Edward took a deep breath and turned back to Alec.**

"That's more or less the same I thought to him."

"**Aro will be so pleased to see you again," Alec said, as if nothing had passed. "Let's not keep him waiting," Jane suggested. Edward nodded once. Alec and Jane, holding hands, led the way down yet another wide, ornate wall—would there ever be an end? They ignored the doors at the end of the hall—door entirely sheathed in gold—stopping halfway down the hall and sliding aside a piece of the paneling to expose a plain wooden door. It wasn't locked. Alec held it open for Jane. **

"What a _gentleman_," Emmett snorted sarcastically. We chuckled.

**I wanted to groan when Edward pulled me through to the other side of the door. It was the same ancient stone as the square, the alley, and the sewers. And it was dark and cold again. The stone antechamber was not large. It opened quickly into a brighter, cavernous room, perfectly round like a huge castle turret…which was probably exactly what it was. Two stories up, long window slits threw thin rectangles of bright sunlight onto the stone floor below.**

"What are they trying to do, make it welcoming????" Embry asked incredulously.

**The only furniture in the room were several massive wooden chairs, like thrones, that were spaced unevenly, flush with the curving stone walls. In the very center of the circle, in a slight depression, was another drain. I wondered if they used it as an exit, like the hole in the street. **

Carlisle nodded to me.

**The room was not empty. A handful of people were convened in seemingly relaxed conversation. The murmur of low, smooth voices was a gentle hum in the air. As I watched, a pair of pale women in summer dresses paused in a patch of light, and like prisms, their skin threw the light in rainbow sparkles against the sienna walls. The exquisite faces all turned toward our party as we entered the room.**

"Bella must have loved that, seeing how much you _love _attention," Jake said sarcastically.

**Most of the immortals were dressed in inconspicuous pants and shirts—things that wouldn't stick out all on the streets below. But the man who spoke first wore one of the long robes.**

"The wear of the Volturi," Carlisle told the pack.

**It was pitch-black, and brushed against the floor. For a moment, I thought his long, jet-black hair was the blood of his cloak.**

"Hey look, it's Harry Potter!" Quil joked. We all burst out laughing. (AN- you have to admit- cloak and jet black hair lmao)

"**Jane, dear one, you've returned!" he cried in evident delight. His voice was just a soft sighing. He drifted forward, and the movement flowed with such surreal grace that I gawked, my mouth hanging open. Even Alice, whose every motion looked like dancing, could not compare. **

"Aro," was the only word that came out of Edward's mouth as he scowled.

**I was only more astonished as he floated closer and I could see his face. It was not like the unnaturally attractive faces that surrounded him (for he did not approach us alone; the entire group converged around him, some following, and some walking ahead of him with the alert manner of bodyguards).**

"The guard," Carlisle commented again to the pack. Sam nodded.

**I couldn't decide if his face was beautiful or not. I suppose the features were perfect. But he was as different from the vampires beside him as they were from me. **

"Bella, do all humans look alike?" Alice asked. I shook my head no. I guess she's right.

**His skin was translucently white, like onionskin, and it looked just as delicate—it stood in shocking contrast to the long black hair that framed his face. I felt a strange, horrifying urge to touch his cheek, to see if it was softer than Edward's or Alice's, or if it was powdery, like chalk.**

Edward raised his eyebrows at me. I laughed.

**His eyes were red, the same as the others around him, but the color was clouded, milky; I wondered if his vision was affected by the haze. He glided to Jane, took her face in his papery hands, kissed her lightly on her full lips, and then floated back a step. "Yes, master." Jane smiled; the expression made her look like an angelic child.**

"Right, Jane, angelic," Edward chuckled.

"**I brought him back alive, just as you wished." "Ah, Jane." He smiled, too. "You are such a comfort to me." He turned his misty eyes toward us, and the smile brightened—became ecstatic. "And Alice and Bella, too!" he rejoiced clapping his thin hands together. "This **_**is**_** a happy surprise! Wonderful!"**

I saw Jacob raise his eyes in amazement.

**I stared in shock as he called our names informally, as if we were old friends dropping in for an unexpected visit.**

"Friends, no, unexpected, yes," Edward commented.

**He turned to our hulking escort. "Felix, be a dear and tell my brothers about our company. I'm sure they wouldn't want to miss this." **

"Yeah, I'm sure they were _overjoyed_," Rose said sarcastically.

"**Yes, Master." Felix nodded and disappeared back the way we had come. "You see, Edward?" The strange vampire turned and smiled at Edward like a fond but scolding grandfather. "What did I tell you? Aren't you glad that I didn't give you what you wanted yesterday?"**

"Extremely," Edward commented.

"**Yes, Aro, I am," he agreed, tightening his arm around my waist. "I love a happy ending."**

"Not that he lets one happen too often," Alice sneered.

"**They are so rare. But I want the whole story. How did this happen? Alice?" He turned to gaze at Alice with curious, misty eyes. "Your brother seemed to think you infallible, but apparently there was some mistake."**

"My family relies way too much on my visions," Alice muttered quietly.

**She flashed a dazzling smile. She looked perfectly at ease, except that her hands were balled into tight little fists. "As you can see today, I cause problems as often as I cure them." "You're too modest," Aro chided. "I've seen some of your most amazing exploits, and I must admit I've never observed anything like your talent. Wonderful!"**

"What's he trying to do, influence her to stay with the Volturi??" Jasper asked incredulously.

"Pretty much."

**Alice flickered a glance at Edward. Aro did not miss it. "I'm sorry, we haven't been introduced properly at all, have we? It's just that I feel like I know you already, and I tend to get ahead of myself. Your brother introduced us yesterday, in a particular way.**

Carlisle chuckled.

"**You see, I share some of you brother's talent, only I am limited in a way that he is not." Aro shook his head; his tone was envious. "And also exponentially more powerful," Edward added dryly.**

"I would have to agree," Carlisle commented.

**He looked at Alice as he swiftly explained. "Aro needs physical contact to hear your thoughts, but he hears much more than I do.**

Jacob looked at me confused. "I thought you said that Edward was the only one who reads minds," he said to me.

"It's a little different, just listen."

"**You know I can only hear what's passing through your head in the moment. Aro hears every thought your mind has ever had."**

"Wow, and I thought _you _reading my mind was bad enough," Jake said to Edward. Edward chuckled.

**Alice raised her delicate eyebrows, and Edward inclined his head. Aro didn't miss that either. "But to be able to hear from a distance…" Aro sighed, gesturing toward the two of them, and the exchange that had just taken place. "That would be so **_**convenient**_**.**

"Anything to make him more powerful," Edward sneered through his teeth.

**Aro looked over our shoulders. All the other heads turned in the same direction, including Jane, Alec, and Demetri, who stood silently beside us. I was the slowest to turn. Felix was back, and behind him floated two more black-robed men. Both looked very much like Aro, one even had the same flowing black hair. The other had a shock of snow-white hair—the same shade as his face—that brushed against his shoulders. Their faces had identical, paper-thin skin.**

I saw the wolves shudder.

**The trio from Carlisle's painting was complete, unchanged by the last three hundred years since it was painted. "Marcus, Caius, look!" Aro crooned. "Bella is alive after all, and Alice is here with her! Isn't that wonderful?"**

Jake looked at the book in shock. I guess he was surprised that Aro was being so 'pleasant.'

**Neither of the two looked as if **_**wonderful**_** would be their first choice of words. The dark-haired man seemed utterly bored, like he'd seen too many millennia of Aro's enthusiasm.**

Emmett chuckled. "When is he _not _bored?" We all laughed.

**The other's face was sour under the snowy hair. Their lack of interest did not curb Aro's enjoyment. "Let us have the story," Aro almost sang in his feathery voice. The white-haired ancient vampire drifted away, gliding toward one of the wooden thrones. The other paused beside Aro, and he reached his hand out, at first I thought to take Aro's hand. But he just touched Aro's palm briefly and then dropped his hand to his side. Aro raised one black brow. I wondered how his papery skin did not crumple in the effort.**

Edward chuckled beside me.

**Edward snorted very quickly, and Alice looked at him, curious. "Thank you, Marcus," Aro said. "That's quite interesting." I realized, a second late, that Marcus was letting Aro know his thoughts.**

"A little slow on the intake, little sis?" Emmett laughed.

**Marcus didn't **_**look**_** interested. He glided away from Aro to join the one who must be Caius, seated against the wall. Two of the attending vampires followed silently behind him—bodyguards, like I'd thought before.**

"Yeah, because they're too chicken to stand up to anyone themselves," Jasper smirked.

**I could see that the two women in the sundresses had gone to stand beside in Caius in the same manner. The idea of any vampire needing a guard was fairly ridiculous to me, but maybe the ancient ones were as frail as their skin suggested.**

"I would have to agree," Jake said. "At least the alphas in the pack don't need bodyguards. It's more like brothers."

**Aro was shaking his head. "Amazing," he said. "Absolutely amazing." Alice's expression was frustrated. Edward turned to her and explained again in a swift, low voice. "Marcus sees relationships. He's surprised by the intensity of ours."**

Esme smiled a massive smile at us. Edward kissed my forehead in contentment, and I smiled back at Esme.

**Aro smiled. "So convenient," he repeated to himself. Then he spoke to us. "It takes quite a bit to surprise Marcus, I can assure you." **

Carlisle nodded in agreement.

**I looked at Marcus's dead face, and I believed that. "It's just so difficult to understand, even now," Aro mused, staring at Edward's arm wrapped around me. It was hard for me to follow Aro's chaotic train of thought. I struggled to keep up.**

"You're not exactly the only one," Alice told me.

"**How can you stand so close to her like that?" "It's not without effort," Edward answered calmly.**

I grinned at him. "You don't have to worry about that anymore." He chuckled.

"**But still—**_**la tua cantante! **_** What a waste!"**

"Not everyone sees it that way," Esme said proudly. I smiled at her.

**Edward chuckled once without humor. "I look at it more as a price." Aro was skeptical. "A very high price."**

"And worth every cent of it," Edward said with a smile on his face.

"**Opportunity cost." Aro laughed. "If I hadn't smelled her through your memories, I wouldn't have believed the call of anyone's blood could be so strong. I've never felt anything like it myself. Most of us would trade much for such a gift, and yet you…" "Waste it," Edward finished his voice sarcastic now.**

Esme looked very proud of her son. So did Carlisle.

**Aro laughed again. "Ah, how I miss my friend Carlisle! You remind me of him—only he was not so angry."**

Carlisle chuckled.

"**Carlisle outshines me in many other ways as well." "I certainly never thought to see Carlisle bested for self-control of all things, but you put him to shame."**

"I don't mind, I'm just glad to see my son happy," Carlisle said proudly. Edward smiled deeply at him.

"**Hardly." Edward sounded impatient. As if he were tired of the preliminaries. It made me more afraid; I couldn't help but try to imagine what he expected would follow.**

"You truly did _not_ want to imagine it, trust me."

"**I am gratified by his success," Aro mused. "Your memories o him are quite a gift for me, though they astonish me exceedingly. I am surprised by how it…**_**pleases**_** me, his success in this unorthodox path he's chosen.**

"Well, I'm definitely surprised that it pleased him," Carlisle commented.

"**I expected that he would waste, weaken with time. I'd scoffed at his plan to find others who would share his peculiar vision. Yet, somehow, I'm happy to be wrong."**

I saw my whole family very pleased with this comment.

**Edward didn't reply. "But **_**your**_** restraint!" Aro sighed. "I did not know such strength was possible. To inure yourself against such a siren call, not just once but again and again—if I had not felt it myself, I would not have believed." Edward gazed back at Aro's admiration with no expression. I knew his face well enough—time had not changed that—to guess at something seething beneath the surface. I fought to keep my breath even.**

"Well, of course I was furious. You should have heard his thoughts!!!!" Edward exclaimed.

"**Just remembering how she appeals to you…" Aro chuckled. "It makes me thirsty."**

Esme's eyes widened.

"**Don't be disturbed," Aro reassured him. "I mean her no harm. But I am **_**so **_**curious, about one thing in particular." **

Carlisle looked deep in thought, looking at Edward. Edward nodded. I looked him, confused.

"_He asked if Aro meant about the whole mind blocking thing,_" he whispered quietly.

**He eyed me with bright interest. "May I?" he asked eagerly, lifting one hand. "Ask **_**her**_**," Edward suggested in a flat voice. "Of course, how rude of me!" Aro exclaimed. "Bella," he addressed me directly now. "I'm fascinated that you are the one exception to Edward's impressive talent—so very interesting that such a thing should occur! And I was wondering, since our talents are similar in many ways, if you would be so kind as to allow me to try—to see if you are an exception for **_**me, **_**as well?"**

Edward and Carlisle chuckled, while Jacob raised his eyebrows in curiosity.

**My eyes flashed up to Edward's face in terror. Despite Aro's overt politeness, I didn't believe I really had a choice.**

"He can be decent," Carlisle said quietly. "When he wants to be," he added louder.

**I was horrified at the thought of allowing him to touch me, and yet also perversely intrigued by the chance to feel his strange skin.**

Edward looked at me oddly, and then chuckled, shaking his head in amazement.

**Edward nodded in encouragement—whether because he was sure Aro would not hurt me, or because there was no choice, I couldn't tell.**

"I knew he wouldn't hurt you."

**I turned back to Aro and raised my hand slowly in front of me. It was trembling. He glided closer, and I believe he meant his expression to be reassuring. But his papery features were too strange, too alien and frightening, to reassure. **

"Yeah, Aro is not the most cheerful person to be around," Alice chuckled.

**The look on his face was more confident than his words had been. Aro reached out, as if to shake my hand, and pressed his insubstantial-looking skin against mine. It was hard, but felt brittle—shale rather than granite—and even colder than I expected.**

"Every vampire is a little different, just like every human is not the same, not even identical twins," Carlisle told me.

**His filmy eyes smiled down at mine, and it was impossible to look away. They were mesmerizing in an odd, unpleasant way. Aro's face altered as I watched. The confidence wavered and became first doubt, then incredulity before he calmed it into a friendly mask. "So very interesting," he said as he released my hand and drifted back.**

I saw Edward smile. "I'm remembering how you used that same shield to save our family," he said proudly. I saw Esme look up at me and give me a loving smile. Then, slowly, the whole family was smiling and remembering. I looked over at Jasper, who seemed very pleased with his family's emotions. I smiled at him. He smiled back.

**My eyes flickered to Edward, and, though his face was composed, I thought he seemed a little smug.**

"Do you blame me?" he chuckled. I laughed.

**Aro continued for a moment, his eyes flickering between the three of us. Then, abruptly, he shook his head. "A first," he said to himself. "I wonder if she is immune to our other talents…Jane, dear?"**

Esme's and Carlisle's eyes widened in shock.

"**No!" Edward snarled the word. Alice grabbed his arm with a restraining hand. He shook her off. Little Jane smiled up happily at Aro. "Yes, Master?" Edward was truly snarling now, the sound ripping and tearing from him, glaring at Aro with baleful eyes.**

"With good reason," Edward snarled through his teeth.

**The room had gone still, everyone watching him with amazed disbelief, as if he were committing some embarrassing social faux pas. I saw Felix grin hopefully and move a step forward. Aro glanced at him once, and he froze in place, his grin turning to a sulky expression. Then he spoke to Jane. "I was wondering, my dear one, if Bella is immune to **_**you**_**."**

Esme gasped, and grabbed onto Carlisle for support.

**I could barely hear Aro over Edward's furious growls. He let go of me, moving to hide me from their view. Caius ghosted in our direction, with his entourage, to watch. Jane turned toward us with a beatific smile. "Don't!" Alice cried as Edward launched himself at the little girl. Before I could react, before anyone could jump between them, before Aro's bodyguards could tense, Edward was on the ground.**

I put the book down for a few moments, trying to catch my breath. This was very painful to read. I felt a wave of encouragement come my way. I looked up to Jasper, who was focused on relaxing me. "Thank you."

**No one had touched him, but he was on the stone floor writhing in obvious agony, while I stared in horror. **

"I'm proud of you, son. That must have taken a lot to put yourself in front of Bella so she doesn't suffer," Carlisle said to Edward. Edward smiled at him.

**Jane was smiling only at him now, and it all clicked together. What Alice had said about **_**formidable gifts**_**, why everyone treated Jane with such deference, and why Edward had thrown himself in her path before she could do that to me. **

"_If _ she could," Edward grinned.

"**Stop!" I shrieked, my voice echoing in the silence, jumping forward to put myself between them. But Alice threw her arms around me in an unbreakable grasp and ignored my struggles. **

"Thank you," Edward said to his favorite sister.

**No sound escaped Edward's lips as he cringed against the stones. **

I heard Esme sob tearless cries. Carlisle was rubbing her back in support.

**It felt like my head would explode from the pain of watching this. "Jane," Aro recalled her in a tranquil voice. She looked up quickly, still smiling with pleasure, her eyes questioning. As soon as Jane looked away, Edward was still.**

I heard Edward growling next to me. I noticed Esme starting to relax a little. I took a deep breath.

**Aro inclined his head toward me. Jane turned her smile in my direction. I didn't even meet her gaze. I watched Edward from the prison of Alice's arms, still struggling pointlessly. **

"Yeah, fighting against your stubborn sister here is very pointless," Emmett pointed out.

"Especially when it comes to shopping," Alice grinned.

"**He's fine," Alice whispered in a tight voice. As she spoke, he sat up, and then sprang lightly to his feet. His eyes met mine, and they were horror-struck. **

"Yeah, well, you didn't want to hear what Jane was thinking at that moment."

**At first I thought the horror was for what he had just suffered. But then he looked quickly at Jane, and back to me—and his face relaxed in relief.**

Edward laughed hard. Emmett joined in. I grinned at both of them.

"Poor _Jane_," I said sarcastically. At this point, we were all laughing.

**I looked at Jane, too, and she no longer smiled. She glared at me, her jaw clenched with the intensity of her focus. I shrank back, waiting for the pain.**

"Never gonna happen!" Emmett exclaimed excitedly. I grinned at him.

**Nothing happened. Edward was by my side. He touched Alice's arm, and she surrendered me to him.**

"Being overprotective again, bloodsucker?" Jake messed with Edward. Edward growled. I put a hand on his shoulder to relax him. He looked at me, looked back at Jake, looked back at me, and shrugged, and then relaxed. I kissed his cheek.

**Aro started to laugh. "Ha, ha, ha," he chuckled. "This is wonderful!" Jane hissed in frustration, leaning forward like she was preparing to spring. "Don't be put out, dear one," Aro said in a comforting tone, placing a powder-light hand on her shoulder. "She confounds us all." Jane's upper lip curled back over her teeth as she continued to glare at me.**

"Glare back at her little sis!" Emmett exclaimed excitedly.

"**Ha, ha, ha," Aro chortled again. "You're very brave, Edward, to endure in silence. I asked Jane to do that to me once—just out of curiosity." He shook his head in admiration.**

The wolves stared at the book in shock.

**Edward glared, disgusted. "So, what do we do with you now?" Aro sighed.**

Carlisle sighed in disgust. "I was waiting for that moment."

**Edward and Alice stiffened. This was the part they'd been waiting for. I began to tremble. **

"Don't turn into a wolf, now," Quil teased.

"**I don't suppose there's any chance that you've changed your mind?" Aro asked Edward hopefully. "Your talent would be an excellent addition to our little company."**

"I highly doubt that, knowing my son," Esme said proudly.

**Edward hesitated. From the corner of my eye, I saw both Felix and Jane grimace. Edward seemed to weigh each word before he spoke it. "I'd…rather…not." "Alice?" Aro asked, still hopeful. "Would you perhaps be interested in joining with us?" "No, thank you," Alice said.**

Esme and Carlisle smiled proudly.

"**And you, Bella?" Aro raised his eyebrows.**

The wolves looked like they were sick to their stomachs in shock.

**Edward hissed, low in my ears. I stared at Aro blankly. Was he joking? **

"I wish," Edward said darkly.

**Or was he really asking me if I wanted to stay for dinner? It was the white-haired Caius who broke the silence. "What?" he demanded of Aro; his voice, though no more than a whisper, was flat. "Caius, surely you see the potential," Aro chided him affectionately. "I haven't seen a prospective talent so promising since we found Jane and Alec. Can you imagine the possibilities when she is one of us?"**

My family was growling at the book. I don't blame them.

**Caius looked away with a caustic expression. Jane's eyes sparkled with indignation at the comparison. Edward fumed beside me. I could hear a rumble in his chest, building toward a growl. I couldn't let his temper get him hurt. "No, thank you," I spoked up in barely more than a whisper, my voice breaking in fright.**

I saw Carlisle and Esme smile.

**Aro sighed. "That's unfortunate. Such a waste." Edward hissed. "Join or die, is that it? I suspected as much when we were brought to **_**this **_**room. So much for your laws."**

Everyone in the room was in shock.

**The tone of his voice surprised me. He sounded irate, but there was something deliberate about his delivery—as if he'd chosen his words with great care.**

"I wanted to make sure you understood what he was thinking."

"**Of course not." Aro blinked, astonished. "We were already convened here, Edward, waiting Heidi's return. Not for you."**

I shuddered at the thought of what exactly Heidi returned with. Edward massaged my shoulders to relax me.

"**Aro," Caius hissed. "The law claims them." **

The wolves looked confused.

**Edward glared at Caius. "How so?" he demanded. He must have known what Caius was thinking, but he seemed determined to make him speak it aloud. Caius pointed a skeletal finger at me. "She knows too much. You have exposed our secrets." **

"Wow, déjà vu," Paul chuckled.

**His voice was papery thin, just like his skin. "There are a few humans in on your charade here, as well," Edward reminded him, and I thought of the pretty receptionist below.**

I saw Jake's eyes narrow.

**Caius's face twisted into a new expression. Was it supposed to be a smile? "Yes," he agreed. "But when they are no longer useful to us, they will serve to sustain us.**

Sam looked like he was about to throw up, and Paul was gagging. I can't say I would blame that for that. It's pretty disgusting, now that I look at it again.

"**That is not your plan for this one. If she betrays our secrets, are you prepared to destroy her? I think not," he scoffed.**

"If she stayed human, Bella would never do such a thing," Carlisle commented to the book. "We trust her with our lives."

"**I wouldn't—," I began, still whispering. Caius silenced me with an icy look. "Nor do you intend to make her one of us," Caius continued. "Therefore, she is a vulnerability. Though it is true for this, only **_**her**_** life is forfeit. You may leave if you wish."**

"I would never leave you to rot," Edward whispered in my ear. I smiled.

**Edward bared his teeth. "That's what I thought," Caius said, with something akin to pleasure. Felix leaned forward, eager. "Unless…," Aro interrupted. He looked unhappy with the way the conversation had gone. "Unless you do intend to give her immortality?" **

It went really quiet in the room for a few moments. Everyone was either staring at Nessie or myself. After a wave of relaxing feelings fell over the room, I read again.

**Edward pursed his lips, hesitating for a moment before he answered. "And if I do?" Aro smiled, happy again. "Why, then you would be free to go home and give my regards to my friend Carlisle." **

Jacob started to growl. I then pointed to a resting Nessie in his lap, and he calmed down, smiling down at his imprint.

**His expression turned more hesitant. "But I'm afraid you would have to mean it." Aro raised his hand in front of him. Caius, who had began to scowl furiously, relaxed. Edward's lips tightened into a fierce line. He stared into my eyes, and I stared back. "Mean it," I whispered. "Please." Was it really such a loathsome idea?**

"Yes."

**Would he rather **_**die**_** than change me?**

"Back then, in a heartbeat."

**I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach. Edward stared down at me with a tortured expression. And then Alice stepped away from us, forward toward Aro. We turned to watch her. Her hand was raised like his. She didn't say anything, and Aro waved off his anxious guard as they moved to block her approach. Aro met her halfway, and took her hand with an eager, acquisitive glint in his eyes. He bent his head over their touching hands, his eyes closing as he concentrated. Alice was motionless, her face blank. I heard Edward's teeth snap together.**

A/N- Wow, massive déjà vu of the hilarious scene in the movie of Edward and Bella running in the meadow as vampires haha!!

**No one moved. Aro seemed frozen over Alice's hand. The seconds passed and I grew more and more stressed, wondering how much time would pass before it was **_**too**_** much time. Before it meant something was wrong—more wrong than it already way. Another agonizing moment passed, and then Aro's voice broke the silence. "Ha, ha, ha," he laughed, his head still bent forward. He looked up slowly, his eyes bright with excitement. "That was **_**fascinating**_**!"**

Jasper looked at Edward confused. Before he could answer the question in his head, Alice spoke.

"I showed him the vision I had when I first met Bella of her becoming a vampire." He nodded, understanding.

**Alice smiled dryly. "I'm glad you enjoyed it." "To see the things you've seen—especially the ones that haven't happened yet!" He shook his head in wonder. "But that will," she reminded him, voice calm.**

"Yes it will," Edward smiled at me deeply. "And it does," he added.

"**Yes, yes, it's quite determined. Certainly there's no problem." Caius looked bitterly disappointed—a feeling he seemed to share with Felix and Jane.**

"No surprise there," Emmett chuckled.

"**Aro," Caius complained. "Dear Caius," Aro smiled. "Do not fret. Think of the possibilities! They do not join us today, but we can always hope for the future. Imagine the joy young Alice alone would bring to our little household…Besides, I'm so terribly curious to see how Bella turns out!"**

My whole family started to growl at the book, including myself. The wolves were looking absolutely furious.

**Aro seemed convinced. Did he not realize how subjective Alice's visions were?**

"Of course not," Alice grinned, calming down.

**Then she could make up her mind to transform me today, and then change it tomorrow? A million tiny decisions, her decisions and so many others', too—Edward's—could alter her path, and with that, the future. And would it really matter that Alice was willing, would it make any difference if I **_**did**_** become a vampire, when the idea was so repulsive to Edward?**

"It was only repulsive until I realized that I couldn't live without you, so the only way to be with you forever was to change you."

**If death was, to him, a better alternative that having me around forever, an immortal annoyance? Terrified as I was, I felt myself sinking down into depression, drowning into it… "Then we are free to go now?" Edward asked in an even voice. "Yes, yes," Aro said pleasantly. "But please visit again. It's been absolutely enthralling!"**

Edward snorted.

"**And we will visit you as well," Caius promised, his eyes suddenly half-closed like the heavy-lidded gaze of a lizard. "To be sure that you follow through on your side. Were I you, I would not delay too long. We do not offer second chances."**

Edward was now growling again.

**Edward's jaw clenched tight, but he nodded once. Caius smirked and drifted back to where Marcus still sat, unmoving and uninterested.**

"No, the right word is bored," Alice laughed. I laughed too.

**Felix groaned. "Ah, Felix." Aro smiled, amused. "Heidi will be here at any moment. Patience."**

I felt a roar coming from my own throat this time as I remembered what Heidi came back with.

"**Hmm." Edward's voice had a new edge to it. "In that case, perhaps we'd better leave sooner than later."**

"Agreed," Alice said quickly.

"**Yes," Aro agreed. "That's a good idea. Accidents **_**do**_** happen. Please wait below until after dark, though, if you don't mind." "Of course," Edward agreed, while I cringed at the thought of waiting out the day before we could escape.**

"I know what you mean," Edward said.

"**And here," Aro added, motioning to Felix with one finger. Felix came forward at once, and Aro unfastened the gray cloak the huge vampire wore, pulling from his shoulders. He tossed it to Edward. "Take this. You're a little conspicuous." Edward put the long cloak on, leaving the hood down. Aro sighed. "It suits you." Edward chuckled, but broke off suddenly, glancing over his shoulder. "Thank you, Aro. We'll wait below."**

"Good idea, son," Carlisle complimented Edward.

"**Goodbye, young friends," Aro said, his eyes bright as he stared in the same direction. "Let's go," Edward said, urgent now. Demetri gestured that we should follow, and then set off the way we'd come in, the only exit by the look of things. Edward pulled me swiftly along beside him. Alice was close by my other side, her face hard. "Not fast enough," she muttered. I stared up at her, frightened, but she only seemed chagrined. It was then that I first heard the babble of voices—loud, rough voices—coming from the antechamber.**

Carlisle's eyes widened.

"**Well this is unusual," a man's coarse voice boomed. "So medieval," an unpleasantly shrill, female voice gushed back. A large crowd was coming through the little door, filling the smaller stone chamber. Demetri motioned for us to make room. We pressed back against the cold wall to let them pass. The couple in front, Americans from the sound of them, glanced around themselves with appraising eyes.**

I felt the tension get very thick in the room. I saw Jasper struggling to calm the room down.

"**Welcome, guests! Welcome to the Volterra!" I could hear Aro sing from the big turret room. The rest of them, maybe forty or more, filed in after the couple. Some studied the setting like tourists. A few even snapped pictures.**

"Not that pictures will matter after what happens to you," Edward muttered under his breath.

**Others looked confused, as if the story that had led them to this room was not making sense anymore. I noticed one small, dark woman in particular. Around her neck was a rosary, and she gripped the cross tightly in one hand.**

Emmett chuckled. "Myth."

**She walked more slowly than the others, touching someone now and then asking a question in an unfamiliar language. No one seemed to understand her, and her voice grew more panicked. **

"Poor girl," Esme cooed.

**Edward pulled my face against his chest, but it was too late. I already understood.**

"As do we," Jake said between his teeth. I looked up to see the pack snarling and growling at the situation.

**As soon as the smallest break appeared, Edward pushed me quickly toward the door. I could feel the horrified expression on my face, and the tears beginning to pool in my eyes. The ornate golden hallway was quiet, empty except for one gorgeous, statuesque woman. She stared at us curiously, me in particular. "Welcome home, Heidi," Demetri greeted her from behind us. Heidi smiled absently. She reminded me of Rosalie, though they looked nothing alike—it was just that her beauty, too, was exceptional, unforgettable. I couldn't seem to look away.**

"Don't worry, babe. You're more beautiful," Emmett told Rose sweetly. They kissed gently on the lips.

**She was dressed to emphasize that beauty. Her amazingly long legs, darkened with tights, were exposed by the shortest of miniskirts. Her top was long-sleeved and high-necked, but extremely close-fitting, and constructed of red vinyl. Her long mahogany hair was lustrous, and her eyes were the strangest shade of violet—a color that might result from blue-tinted contacts over red irises.**

"Violet, hmm, strange," Carlisle muttered to himself out loud.

"**Demetri," she responded in a silky voice, her eyes flickering between the attention-grabbing outfit she wore…she was not only the fisherman, but also the bait.**

Edward chuckled at my thought.

"**Thanks." She flashed a stunning smile. "Aren't you coming?" "In a minute. Save a few for me."**

I shuddered deeply.

**Heidi nodded and ducked through the door with one last curious look at me. Edward set a pace that had me running to keep up. But we still couldn't get through the ornate door at the end of the hallway before the screaming started.**

I put the book down and looked up to see everyone in pain from what was just read.

**Wow that took a long time to write! I guess one of the reasons it took so long was because I am now a part of an RPG on twitter. I am playing Tanya on it. Look it up. My screenname is OncelovedEdward. Anyway, sorry about my rant before the story, but the guy really annoyed me royally, lol. So there's another chapter. Would you believe we're only a few chapter away from the end?? Anyway, read and review, and see you next chapter**


	26. Chapter 26

**Hey guys, it's me again. Would you believe that we're currently on chapter 22 and then there's 2 more chapters before the epilogue??? Wow, we have made it a long way, and I would like to thank my most loyal fans. There are quite a few of you who have not only stuck with me since June, but have personally reviewed every chapter, and I owe you a big thanks. To Geminigirl and M4roth, yikes, one says Jake should still be jealous because of the pain that was caused, the other one says to make Jake less jealous. Lol. I guess I can't please everyone. Anyway, on with the story!**

Chapter 26 (Chapter 22- Flight)

** Demetri left us in the cheerfully opulent reception area, where the woman Gianna was still at her post behind the polished counter.**

"Cheerful??" Edward asked incredulously.

** Bright, harmless music tinkled from hidden speakers. "Do not leave until dark," he warned us. Edward nodded, and Demetri hurried away. Gianna did not seem at all surprised by the exchange, though she did eye Edward's borrowed cloak with shrewd speculation. "Are you all right?" Edward asked under his breath, too low for the human woman to hear.**

"Well, she just heard a bunch of people getting killed, would you be all right???" Jake asked incredulously.

**His voice was rough—if velvet could be rough—with anxiety. Still stressed by our situation, I imagined.**

"Incredibly so."

**"You'd better make her sit before she falls," Alice said. "She's going to pieces." **

"I don't blame her."

**It was only then that I realized I was shaking, shaking hard, my entire frame vibrating until my teeth chattered and the room around me seemed to wobble and blur in my eyes.**

"Poor Bella," Esme cooed.

**For a wild second, I wondered if this was how Jacob felt just before exploding into a werewolf.**

"Probably," Edward commented.

**I heard a sound that didn't make sense, a strange, ripping counterpart to the otherwise cheery background music. **

I shuddered, and noticed that most of the people in the room shuddered as well.

**Distracted by the shaking, I couldn't tell where it was coming from.**

"It's not too hard to guess," Jake muttered under his breath angrily.

**"Shh, Bella, shh," Edward said as he pulled me to the sofa farthest away from the curious human at the desk. `"I think she's having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her," Alice suggested.**

Emmett roared with laughter.

Esme gave him a stern look, letting him know that was not supposed to be funny. He went quiet.

**Edward threw a frantic glance at her. Then I understood. Oh. The noise was me. The ripping sound was the sobs coming from my chest. That's what was shaking me.**

"Wow," was all that Jake could say.

**"It's all right, you're safe, it's all right," he chanted again and again. He pulled me onto his lap and tucked the thick wool cloak around me, protecting me from his cold skin. I knew it was stupid to react like this.**

"Not really, Bells," Jake commented.

**Who knew how much time I had to look at his face?**

"Forever," Edward smiled deeply at me.

**He was saved, and I was saved, and he could leave me as soon as we were free.**

"Daddy, I don't want you to leave mamma again," Nessie cooed. She walked over to Edward, crawled into his lap, and then put her hand against his cheek. She then came over to me and did the same thing. In her vision, I saw myself reading the chapter where Edward left. She pulled her hand away.

"Don't worry, Nessie, I will never, ever do that again," Edward said to her. She gave him a big hug and sat in his lap, and stared at the book in curiosity. I kissed her on the cheek, then Edward on the cheek, and continued reading.

**To have my eyes so filled with tears that I could not see his features clearly was wasteful—insane. But, behind my eyes where the tears could not wash the image away, I could still see the panicked face of the tiny woman with the rosary. "All those people," I sobbed. "I know," he whispered. "It's so horrible." "Yes it is. I wish you hadn't had to see that."**

"So do I," Jake growled.

**I rested my head against his cold chest, using the thick cloak to wipe my eyes. I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself. "Is there anything I can get you?" a voice asked politely. It was Gianna, leaning over Edward's shoulder with a look that was both concerned and yet still professional and detached at the same time. It didn't seem to bother her that her face was inches from a hostile vampire.**

"Wow," Sam said.

**She was either totally oblivious, or very good at her job.**

"No, she wants to become a vampire herself, and is hoping that she makes the grade."

"**No," Edward answered coldly. She nodded, smiled at me, and then disappeared. I waited until she was out of hearing range. "Does she know what's going on here?" I demanded, my voice low and hoarse. I was getting control of myself, my breathing evening out. "Yes. She knows everything," Edward told me.**

"At least _we_ know how to keep secrets," Paul grumbled. Sam looked at him cautiously, and he calmed down.

"**Does she know they're going to kill her someday?" "She knows it's a possibility," he said. That surprised me. Edward's face was hard to read. "She's hoping they'll decide to keep her." I felt the blood leave my face. "She wants to be one of them?"**

"Wow, I'm surprised that Bella was surprised about that," Embry pointed out.

**He nodded once, his eyes sharp on my face, watching my reaction. I shuddered. "How can she want that?" I whispered, more to myself than really looking for an answer.**

"I could ask you the same thing," Jake grumbled.

"**How can she watch those people file through to that hideous room and want to be a part of **_**that**_**?"**

"That's why I decided to become vegetarian," Carlisle told me.

**Edward didn't answer. His expression twisted in response to something I'd said. As I stared at his too beautiful face, trying to understand the change, it suddenly struck me that I was really here, in Edward's arms, however fleetingly, and that we were not—at this exact moment—about to be killed.**

"It was shocking to me too," Edward and Alice said at the same time.

"**Oh, Edward," I cried, and I was sobbing again. It was such a stupid reaction. The tears were too thick for me to see his face again, and that was inexcusable.**

Edward chuckled at my ridiculous thoughts in the book.

**I only had until sunset for sure. Like a fairy tale again, with deadlines that ended the magic.**

Edward chuckled again. "Gotta love your optimism."

"**What's wrong?" he asked, still anxious, rubbing my back with gentle pats. I wrapped my arms around his neck—what was the worst he could do? **

"Leave, so I could get her back," Jake commented. Nessie looked like she was about to cry. Jake got up and took her from Edward's arms and cuddled with her for a few minutes to calm down. It was a really sweet moment.

**Just push me away—and hugged myself closer to him. "Is it really sick for me to be happy right now?" I asked. My voice broke twice.**

"Of course not," Esme said.

**He didn't push me away. He pulled me tight against his ice-hard chest, so tight it was hard to breathe, even with my lungs securely intact. "I know exactly what you mean," he whispered. "But we have lots of reasons to be happy. For one, we're alive."**

"Yeah, that's usually a reason to cheer," Emmett laughed.

"**Yes," I agreed. "That's a good one." "And together," he breathed. His breath was so sweet it made my head swim. I just nodded, sure that he did not place the same weight on that consideration as I did.**

"How wrong you were," Edward commented.

"**And, with any luck, we'll still be alive tomorrow." "Hopefully," I said uneasily. "The outlook is quite good," Alice assured me. She'd been so quiet, I'd almost forgotten her presence.**

"Gee, thanks sis," Alice said sarcastically. I laughed.

"**I'll see jasper in less than twenty-four hours," she added in a satisfied tone. Lucky Alice. She could trust her future.**

"Most of the time."

**I couldn't keep my eyes off of Edward's face for long. I stared at him, wishing more than anything that the future would never happen. **

"Luckily, it did," Edward said, smiling at me.

**That this moment would last forever, or, if it couldn't, that I would stop existing when it did. Edward stared right back at me, his dark eyes soft, and it was easy to pretend that he felt the same way. **

"Because I do."

**So that's what I did. I pretended, to make the moment sweeter. His fingertips traced the circles under my eyes. "You look so tired." "And you look thirsty," I whispered back, studying the purple bruises under his black irises. He shrugged. "It's nothing." "Are you sure? I could sit with Alice," I offered, unwilling; I'd rather he killed me now than move one inch from where I was.**

"You know I wasn't going to do that," Edward cooed.

"**Don't be ridiculous." He sighed; his sweet breath caressed my face. "I've never been in better control of **_**that**_** side of my nature than right now." I had a million questions for him. One of them bubbled to my lips now, but I held my tongue.**

"You always have a million questions," Edward chuckled.

**I didn't want to ruin the moment, as imperfect as it was, here in this room that made me sick, under the eyes of the would-be monster. Here in his arms, it was so easy to fantasize that he wanted me. I didn't want to think about his motivations while we were still in danger, or if he acted this way to keep me calm where we were and relieved that he wasn't responsible for my death. **

"Bella," Edward pleaded.

**Maybe the time apart had been enough that I didn't bore him for the moment. But it didn't matter. I was so much happier pretending.**

"Sure didn't look like you were pretending," Alice grinned at me.

**I lay quiet in his arms, re-memorizing his face, pretending…He stared at my face like he was doing the same, while he and Alice discussed how to get home. Their voices were so quick and low that I knew Gianna couldn't understand. I missed half of it myself. It sounded like more theft would be involved, though.**

"Why am I not surprised," Jake chuckled.

**I wondered idly if the yellow Porsche had made it back to its owner yet.**

Edward and Alice both laughed.

"**What was all that talk about **_**singers**_**?" Alice asked at one point. "**_**La tua cantante**_**," Edward said. His voice made the words into music. "Yes, that," Alice said, and I concentrated for a moment. I'd wondered about that, too, at the time.**

"Yes, what is it?" Sam and Jake asked at the same time, curiously.

**I felt Edward shrug around me. "They have a name for someone who smells the way Bella does to me. They call her my **_**singer**_**—because her blood sings to me."**

"K, maybe I didn't want to know," Sam chuckled.

**Alice laughed. I was tired enough to sleep, but I fought against the weariness. I wasn't going to miss a second of the time I had with him. Now and then, as he talked with Alice, he would lean down suddenly and kiss me—his glass-smooth lips brushing against my hair, my forehead, the tip of my nose. Each time it was like an electric shock to my long dormant heart. The sound of its beating seemed to fill the entire room.**

"Yeah, I guess that's what happens when you're the only human in the room," I chuckled.

**It was heaven—right smack in the middle of hell.**

"I would probably have to agree with that statement," Edward commented.

**I lost track of the time completely. So when Edward's arms tightened around me, and both he and Alice looked to the back of the room with wary eyes, I panicked. I cringed into Edward's chest as Alec—his eyes now a vivid ruby, but still spotless in his light gray suit despite the afternoon meal—walked through the double door.**

Jacob started to growl. So did Paul and Sam.

**It was good news. "You're free to leave now," Alec told us, his tone so warm you'd think we were all lifelong friends. **

"Ugh, never," Alice complained. "But that only goes for Alec," Alice added, grinning at Edward and me.

"**We ask that you don't linger in the city." Edward made no answering pretense; his voice was ice cold. "That won't be a problem." Alec smiled, nodded, and disappeared again. "Follow the right hallway around the corner to the first set of elevators," Gianna told us as Edward helped me to my feet. "The lobby is two floors down, and exits to the street. Goodbye, now," she added pleasantly. I wondered if her competence would be enough to save her.**

"Probably not," Alice muttered.

**Alice shot her a dark look. I was relieved there was another way out; I wasn't sure if I could handle another tour through the underground.**

I shuddered at the thought.

**We left through a tastefully luxurious lobby. I was the only one who glanced back at the medieval castle that housed the elaborate business façade. I couldn't see the turret from here, for which I was grateful. **

"So am I," Edward said.

**The party was s till in full swing in the streets. The street lamps were just coming on as we walked swiftly through the narrow, cobbled lanes. The sky was a dull, fading gray overhead, but the buildings crowded the streets so closely that it felt darker. The party was darker, too. Edward's long, trailing cloak did not stand out in the way it might have on a normal evening in Volterra. There were others in black satin cloaks now, and the plastic fangs I'd seen on the child in the square today seemed to be very popular with the adults.**

"How mature," Jake said sarcastically.

"**Ridiculous," Edward muttered once.**

"Wow, he actually agrees with me. That doesn't happen too often," Jake chuckled.

**I didn't notice when Alice disappeared from beside me. I looked over to ask her a question, and she was gone. "Where's Alice?" I whispered in a panic. "She went to retrieve your bags from where she stashed them this morning." I'd forgotten that I had access to a toothbrush. It brightened my outlook considerably.**

"You're worried about a toothbrush??" Edward asked incredulously, laughing. I shrugged.

"**She's stealing a car, too, isn't she?" I guessed.**

"Do you expect anything less," Alice grinned at me.

**He grinned. "Not till we're outside." It seemed like a very long way to the entryway. Edward could see that I was spent; he wound his arm around my waist and supported most of my weight as we walked. I shuddered as he pulled me through the dark stone archway. The huge, ancient portcullis above was like a cage door, threatening to drop on us, to lock us in. He led me toward a dark car, waiting in a pool of shadow to the right of the gate with the engine running. To my surprise, he slid into the backseat with me, instead of insisting on driving.**

"I had just gotten you back. All I wanted to do was be with you." I smiled deeply at him, and kissed him lightly on the lips.

**Alice was apologetic. "I'm sorry." She gestured vaguely toward the dashboard. "There wasn't much to choose from." "It's fine, Alice." He grinned. "They can't all be 911 Turbos."**

"Unless you now own one," Alice grinned.

**She sighed. "I may have to acquire one of those legally. It was fabulous." "I'll get you one for Christmas," Edward promised.**

"I want a car for Christmas!" Emmett pouted. We all laughed. After it went quiet, Edward all of a sudden chuckled. I looked at him in confusion.

"Apparently, Rose will be getting him a new jeep for Christmas," he whispered low enough for only me to hear. I laughed. I saw Rose grin at Edward once she figured out he knew what she was thinking.

**Alice turned to beam at him, which worried me, as she was already speeding down the dark and curvy hillside at the same time. "Yellow," she told him. Edward kept me tight in his arms. Inside the gray cloak, I was warm and comfortable. More than comfortable. "You can sleep now, Bella," he murmured. "It's over." I knew he meant the danger, the nightmare in the ancient city, but I still had to swallow hard before I could answer.**

"Swallow _what_ is the question," Emmett grinned at us. We both laughed. {A/N- so had a really dirty thought for some reason lol- and it fit for Emmett}

"**I don't want to sleep. I'm not tired." Just the second part was a lie. I wasn't about to close my eyes. The car was only dimly lit by the dashboard controls, but it was enough that I could see his face. He pressed his lips to the hollow under my ear. "Try," he encouraged.**

"That didn't work well," Edward chuckled.

**I shook my head. He sighed. "You're still just as stubborn." I **_**was**_** stubborn; I fought with my heavy lids, and I won. The dark road was the hardest part; the bright lights as the airport in Florence made it easier, as did the chance to brush my teeth and change into clean clothes; Alice bough Edward new clothes, too, and he left the dark cloak on a pile of trash in an alley. **

"It's where it belongs," Edward muttered darkly.

**The plane trip to Rome was so short that there wasn't really a chance for the fatigue to drag me under. I knew the flight from Rome to Atlanta would be another matter entirely, so I asked the flight attendant if she could bring me a Coke.**

"Jeez, and I thought _I_ was stubborn," Jake teased. I stuck my tongue out at him.

"**Bella," Edward said disapprovingly. He knew my low tolerance for caffeine.**

I grinned at him.

**Alice was behind us. I could hear her murmuring to Jasper on the phone. "I don't want to sleep," I reminded him. I gave him an excuse that was believable because it was true. "If I close my eyes now, I'll see things I don't want to see. I'll have nightmares." He didn't argue with me after that.**

"I'll do anything to stop the nightmares."

**It would have been a very good time to talk, to get the answers I needed—needed but not really wanted; I was already despairing at the thought of what I might hear. We had an uninterrupted block of time ahead of us, and he couldn't escape me on an airplane—well not easily, at least.**

"I didn't want to escape from you, Bella."

**No one would hear us except Alice; it was late, and most of the passengers were turning off lights and asking for pillows in muted voices. Talk would help me fight off the exhaustion. But perversely, I bit my tongue against the flood of questions.**

"You and your constant questions," Edward chuckled.

**My reasoning was probably flawed by exhaustion, but I hoped that by postponing the discussion, I could buy a few more hours with him at some later time—spin this out for another night, Scheherazade-style. **

"There's quite a difference between a few hours and eternity," Tanya grinned at me. I laughed.

**So I kept drinking soda, and resisting even the urge to blink. **

"Bella, I think it's safe to blink," Alice laughed.

**Edward seemed perfectly content to hold me in his arms, his fingers tracing my face again and again. I touched his face, too. I couldn't stop myself, though I was afraid it would hurt me later, when I was alone again. He continued to kiss my hair, my forehead, my wrists…but never my lips, and that was good.**

"I knew you were nervous. I could see it in your face. I didn't want it to be awkward. I wanted it to be natural."

**After all, how many ways can one heart be mangled and still be expected to keep breathing? I'd lived through a lot that should have finished me in the last few days, but it didn't make me feel strong. Instead, I felt horribly fragile, like one word could shatter me.**

Edward looked at me with pleading eyes and sighed.

**Edward didn't speak. Maybe he was hoping I would sleep.**

"That'd be a yes."

**Maybe he had nothing to say.**

"Trust me, I had plenty to say."

**I won the fight against my heavy lids. I was awake when we reached the airport in Atlanta, and I even watched the sun beginning to rise over Seattle's cloud cover before Edward slid the window shut. I was proud of myself. I hadn't missed one minute. Neither Alice nor Edward was surprised by the reception that waited for us at Sea-Tac airport, but it caught me off guard.**

"Of course we wanted to see you, dear," Esme said to me sweetly.

**Jasper was the first one I saw—but he didn't seem to see me at all. His eyes were only for Alice.**

"Sorry Bella, I was just so afraid those few days that you guys weren't coming back, that Alice was all I was thinking about," Jasper told me.

"It's okay Jasper, I fully understand," I responded.

**She went quickly to his side; they didn't embrace like other couples meeting there. They only stared into each other's faces, yet, somehow, the moment was so private that I still felt the need to look away. Carlisle and Esme waited in a quiet corner far from the line for the metal detectors, in the shadow of a wide pillar. Esme reached for me, hugging me fiercely, yet awkwardly, because Edward kept his arms around me, too.**

"I didn't care, I still was very happy to have you back in our lives."

"**Thank you so much," she said in my ear. Then she threw her arms around Edward, and she looked like she would be crying if that were possible. "You will **_**never**_** put me through that again," she nearly growled. Edward grinned, repentant. "Sorry, Mom."**

"And I haven't," Edward said proudly. Esme smiled deeply at her son.

"**Thank you, Bella," Carlisle said. "We owe you." "Hardly," I mumbled. The sleepless night was suddenly overpowering. My head felt disconnected from my body. "She's dead on her feet," Esme scolded Edward. "Let's get her home." Not sure if home was what I wanted at this point, I stumbled, half-blind, through the airport, Edward dragged me on one side and Esme on the other. **

"Thank you for that, by the way," I told Esme. She smiled at me.

**I didn't know if Alice and Jasper were behind us or not, and I was too exhausted to look. I think I was mostly asleep, though I was still walking, when we reached their car. The surprise of seeing Emmett and Rosalie leaning against the black sedan under the dim lights of the parking garage revived me some. Edward stiffened.**

"I had to see my little sis, it wasn't the same without you," Emmett said.

"And I needed to give you a huge apology for my stupidity," Rose commented.

"**Don't," Esme whispered. "She feels awful." "She should," Edward said, making no attempt to keep his voice down. "It's not her fault," I said, my words garbled with exhaustion.**

"You were being too nice," Rose said to me.

"**Let her make amends," Esme pleaded. "We'll ride with Alice and Jasper." Edward glowered at the absurdly lovely blond vampire waiting for us. "Please, Edward," I said. I didn't want to ride with Rosalie any more than he seemed to, but I'd caused more than enough discord to his family.**

"So did I," Rose said sadly, as she hung her head in shame. Emmett rubbed her back for a few minutes.

**He sighed, and towed me toward the car. Emmett and Rosalie got in the front seat without speaking, while Edward pulled me in the back again. I knew I wasn't going to be able to fight my eyelids anymore, and I laid my head against his chest in defeat, letting them close. I felt the car purr to life. "Edward," Rosalie began. "I know." Edward's brusque tone was not generous.**

Rose sighed. "I don't blame you."

"**Bella?" Rosalie asked softly. My eyelids fluttered open in shock. It was the first time she'd ever spoken directly to me.**

"I figured you deserved that much, after all you did to save my brother's life."

"**I'm so very sorry, Bella. I feel wretched about every part of this, and so grateful that you were brave enough to go save my brother after what I did. Please say you'll forgive me." The words were awkward, stilted because of her embarrassment, but they seemed sincere.**

"They were," Rose told me. I smiled at her.

"**Of course, Rosalie," I mumbled, grasping at any chance to make her hate me a little less. "It's not your fault at all. I'm the one who jumped off the damn cliff. Of course I forgive you." The words came out like mush. "It doesn't count until she's conscious, Rose," Emmett chuckled. "I'm conscious," I said; it just sounded like a garbled sigh. "Let her sleep," Edward insisted, but his voice was a little warmer.**

"Well it helps when you can read minds, and you know that your siblings are being honest," Edward told me.

**It was quiet then, except for the gentle thrum of the engine. Ii must have fallen asleep, because it seemed like seconds later when the door opened and Edward was carrying me from the car. My eyes wouldn't open at first I thought we were still at the airport. And then I heard Charlie.**

"This should be interesting," Tanya chuckled.

"**Bella!" he shouted from some distance. "Charlie," I mumbled, trying to shake off the stupor. "Shh," Edward whispered. "It's okay; you're home and safe. Just sleep." "I can't believe you have the nerve to show your face here." **

"Agreed," Jake mumbled under his breath. I growled a little. So did Edward.

**Charlie bellowed at Edward, his voice much closer now. "Stop it, Dad," I groaned. He didn't hear me. "What's wrong with her?" Charlie demanded. "She's just very tired, Charlie," Edward assured him quietly. "Please let her rest." "Don't tell me what to do!" Charlie yelled. "Give her to me. Get your hands off her!"**

Edward sighed deeply. "I don't blame him. I hate how I acted."

**Edward tried to pass me to Charlie, but I clung to him with locked, tenacious fingers. I could feel my dad yanking on my arm. "Cut it out, Dad," I said with more volume. I managed to drag my lids back to stare at Charlie with bleary eyes. "Be mad at **_**me.**_**"**

"Trust me, he was mad at both of us."

**We were in front of my house. The front door was standing open. The cloud cover overhead was too thick to guess at a time of day. "You bet I will be," Charlie promised. "Get inside." "Kay. Let me down," I sighed. Edward set me on my feet. I could see that I was upright, but I couldn't feel my legs. I trudged forward anyway, until the sidewalk swirled up toward my face. Edward's arms caught me before I hit the concrete. "Just let me get her upstairs. Then I'll leave." "No," I cried panicking.**

"Did you really think I was leaving for good?" Edward chuckled. I looked down in shame.

**I hadn't got my answers yet. He had to stay for at least that much, didn't he?**

"And much, much, much more," Edward smiled.

"**I won't be far," Edward promised, whispering so low in my ear that Charlie didn't have a hope of hearing. I didn't hear Charlie answer, but Edward headed into the house. My open eyes only made it till the stairs. The last thing I felt was Edward's cool hands prying my fingers loose from his shirt.**

**And there's the chapter. It's a short one, I know, but it wouldn't be right to skip chapters either. Lol. So review, and I'll see you next chapter. Only a few more chapters to go. I have a big surprise for all of you, but I'm not telling til the epilogue hehe. **


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in it.**

**Hey guys, it's me again. All I have to say is be glad you don't live on Long Island. We got 24 inches of snow in less than 12 hours!!!!!!!! Ugh! I miss the summer! Anyway, I want to give a huge shoutout for last chapter. Within 2 days of posting the chapter, I received 9 reviews! So thanks to everyone who reviewed this chapter! We only have a few more chapters to go, cry. This is going to be a tough one to read. I have written numerous very emotional moments, but it fits, you'll see. Well, here we go. PS- I just hear this awesome joke. What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stops after 3 hos!! HAHA**

Chapter 27 (Chapter 23- The Truth)

**I had the sense that I'd been asleep for a very long time—my body was stiff, like I hadn't moved once through all that time, either.**

"Yeah, jet lag can do that to you," Edward chuckled.

**My mind was dazed and slow; strange, colorful dreams—dreams and nightmares—swirled dizzily around the inside of my head. They were so vivid. The horrible and the heavenly, all mixed together into a bizarre jumble. There was sharp impatience and fear, both part of that frustrating dream where your feet can't move fast enough…And there were plenty of monsters, red-eyed fiends that were all the more ghastly for their genteel civility.**

"If only that small part was a dream," I muttered.

**The dream was still strong—I could even remember the names. But the strongest, clearest part of the dream was not the horror. It was the angel that was **_**most **_**clear.**

Edward smiled deeply at me, and then kissed me on the forehead.

**It was hard to let him go and wake up.**

"You will never have to let him go," Alice said, grinning at me.

**This dream did not want to be shoved away into the vault of dreams I refused to revisit. **

"Did you ever think that the reason for that was because it wasn't a dream?" Emmett chuckled.

**I struggled with it as my mind became more alert, focusing on reality. I couldn't remember what day of the week it was, but I was sure Jacob or school or work or something was waiting for me. I inhaled deeply, wondering how to face another day.**

"Trust me, I wasn't waiting for you. I was too upset at that time to wait for you," Jake told me honestly.

**Something cold touched my forehead with the softest pressure. I squeezed my eyes more tightly shut. I was still dreaming, it seemed, and it felt abnormally real.**

Edward chuckled. "You are impossible."

**I was so close to waking…any second now, and it would be gone. But I realized that it felt too real, too real to be good for me. The stone arms I imagined wrapped around me were far too substantial. If I let this go any further, I'd be sorry for it later.**

"No you wouldn't."

**With a resigned sigh, I wrenched back my eyelids to dispel the illusion. "Oh!" I gasped, and threw my fists over my eyes. Well, clearly, I'd gone too far; it must have been a mistake to let my imagination get so out of hand.**

"The girl has lost her mind. She thinks it's all an illusion," Alice teased. I stuck my tongue out at her.

**Okay, so "let" was the wrong word. I'd**_** forced **_**it to get out of hand—pretty much stalked my hallucinations—and now my mind had snapped.**

My family was looking at me like I had six pairs of eyes.

**It took less than half a second for me to realize that, as long as I was truly insane now, I might as well enjoy the delusions while they were pleasant.**

My whole family, including myself, was laughing at this ridiculousness.

**I opened my eyes again—and Edward was still there, his perfect face just inches away from mine. "Did I frighten you?" His low voice was anxious. This was very good, as delusions went. The face, the voice, the scent, everything—it was so much better than drowning.**

"I should hope so," Edward chuckled.

**The beautiful figment of my imagination watched my changing expression with alarm. His irises were pitch-black, with bruise-like shadows under them.**

"Why didn't you go hunting while she was sleeping?" Carlisle asked Edward.

"Because I couldn't fathom to stay away from her another minute."

**This surprised me; my hallucinatory Edwards were usually better fed. I blinked twice, desperately trying to remember the last thing that I was sure was real. Alice was part of my dream, and I wondered if she had really come back at all, or if that was just the preamble.**

"You're hopeless," Alice laughed.

**I **_**thought **_**she'd returned the day I'd nearly drowned… "Oh, **_**crap**_**," I croaked.**

"Wait, let me guess, now you think you actually drowned," Alice guessed.

**My throat was thick with sleeping. "What's wrong, Bella?" I frowned at him unhappily. His face was even more anxious than before. **

"Well, I couldn't figure out what was wrong at that point."

"**I'm dead, right?" I moaned. "I **_**did **_**drown. Crap, crap, crap! This is going to kill Charlie." Edward frowned, too. "You're not dead." "Then why am I not waking up?" I challenged, raising my eyebrows. "You **_**are**_** awake, Bella." I shook my head. "Sure, sure. That's what you want me to think. And it will be worse when I wake up,**

"Wow, this might be the most ridiculous conversation I've ever had," I laughed at myself in the book.

"_**If **_**I wake up, which I won't, because I'm dead. This is awful. Poor Charlie. And Renee and Jake…" I trailed off in horror at what I had done. **

"I think I'm okay," Jake teased.

"**I can see where you might confuse me with a nightmare." His short-lived smile was grim. "But I can't imagine what you could have done to wind up in hell. Did you commit many murders while I was away?"**

Emmett and Jasper snickered.

**I grimaced. "Obviously not. If I was in hell, you wouldn't be with me." He sighed. My head was getting clearer. My eyes flickered away from his face—unwillingly—for one second, to the dark, open window, and then back to him. I started to remember details…and I felt a faint, unfamiliar blush warm the skin over my cheekbones as I slowly realized that Edward was really, truly here with me, and I was wasting time being an idiot.**

"Finally," Alice said.

"Not quite," Edward chuckled. Alice looked at him confusion. "You'll see," he answered a silent question.

"**Did all of that really happen, then?" It was almost impossible to reassign my dream as reality. I couldn't wrap my head around the concept. "That depends." Edward's smile was still hard. "If you're referring to us nearly being massacred in Italy, then, yes." "How strange," I mused. "I really went to Italy. Did you know I'd never been farther east than Albuquerque?" He rolled his eyes. "Maybe you should go back to sleep. You're not coherent."**

"I think I would have to agree with that," Jake chuckled.

"**I'm not tired anymore." It was all coming clear now. "What time is it? How long have I been sleeping?" "It's just after one in the morning. So, about fourteen hours." I stretched as he spoke. I was so stiff.**

"Fourteen hours of sleep can do that to you," Carlisle said with a laugh.

"**Charlie?" I asked. Edward frowned. "Sleeping. You should probably know that I'm breaking the rules right now. Well, not technically, since he said I was never to walk through his door again, and I came in the window…But, still, the intent was clear." "Charlie banned you from the house?" I asked, disbelief quickly melting into fury.**

"Only for a few weeks," Edward said with a grin.

**His eyes were sad. "Did you expect anything else?" **_**My **_**eyes were mad. I was going to have a few words with my father—perhaps it would be a good time to remind him that I was over the legal age of adulthood. It didn't matter so much, of course, except in principle. All too soon there would be no reason for the prohibition. I turned my thoughts to less painful avenues. "What's the story?" I asked, genuinely curious, but also trying desperately to keep the conversation casual, to keep a firm grip on myself, so I wouldn't scare him away with the frantic, gnawing craving that was raging inside me.**

"The only thing that would chase me away is you asking me to leave."

"**What do you mean?" "What am I telling Charlie? What's my excuse for disappearing for…how long was I gone, anyway?" I tried to count the hours in my head.**

"So much easier to do as a vampire," I commented.

"**Just three days." His eyes tightened but he smiled more naturally this time. "Actually, I was hoping you might have a good explanation. I've got nothing." I groaned. "Fabulous." "Well, maybe Alice will come up with something," he offered, trying to comfort me.**

"Not really…" Alice said thoughtfully.

**And I was comforted. Who cared what I had to deal with later? Every second that he was here—so close, his flawless face glowing in the dim light from the numbers on my alarm clock—was precious and not to be wasted.**

"I didn't want to waste it either."

"**So," I began, picking the least important—though s till vitally interesting—question to start with. I was safely I was safely delivered home, and he might decide to leave at any moment.**

"Never."

**I had to keep him talking. Besides, this temporary heaven wasn't entirely complete without the sound of his voice. "What have you been doing, up until three days ago?" His face turned wary in an instant. "Nothing terribly exciting."**

"Besides moping around for months and months like someone else I know," Alice pointed out to both of us.

"**Of course not," I mumbled. "Why are you making that face?" "Well…" I pursed my lips, considering. "If you were, after all, just a dream, that's exactly the kind of thing you would say. My imagination must be used up."**

"She's got a point, bro," Jasper chuckled.

**He sighed. "If I tell you, will you finally believe that you're not having a nightmare?" "Nightmare!" I repeated scornfully. He waited for my answer. "Maybe," I said after a second of thought. "If you tell me." "I was…hunting."**

Sam raised an eyebrow.

"**Is that the best you can do?" I criticized. "That definitely doesn't prove that I'm awake." He hesitated, and then spoke slowly, choosing his words with care. "I wasn't hunting for food…I was actually trying my hand at…tracking. I'm not very good at it." "What were you tracking?" I asked, intrigued. "Nothing of consequence." His words didn't match his expression; he looked upset, uncomfortable.**

"Stupid Victoria," I heard him mutter under his breath.

"**I don't understand." He hesitated; his face, shining with an odd green cast from the light of the clock, was torn. "I—" He took a deep breath. "I owe you an apology. No, of course I owe you much, much more than that.**

"That's an understatement," Jake grumbled between his teeth.

"**But you have to know"—the words began to flow so fast, the way I remembered he spoke sometimes when he was agitated, that I really had to concentrate to catch them all—"that I had no idea. I didn't realize the mess I was leaving behind.**

"A mess that you left US to deal with!" Paul shouted angrily. He stormed out shaking, making sure that nothing would happen.

"I better go check on him. I'm sorry about this," Sam said, running after him.

"I don't blame him," Edward said quietly. The room went silent for a few minutes. After Jasper calmed us all down, I started reading again.

"**I thought it was safe for you here. So safe. I had no idea that Victoria"—his lips curled back when he said the name—"would come back. I'll admit, when I saw her that one time, I was paying much more attention to James's thoughts. But I just didn't see that she had this kind of response in her.**

"None of us did," Jasper commented. "Not even me."

"**That she even had such a tie to him. I think I realize why now—she was so sure of him, the thought of him failing never occurred to her. It was her overconfidence that clouded her feelings for him—that kept me from seeing the depth of them, the bond there. Not that there's any excuse for what I left you to face.**

"Absolutely none," Jake commented.

"**When I heard what you told Alice—what she saw herself—when I realized that you had to put your life in the hands of **_**werewolves**_**, immature, volatile, the worst thing out there besides Victoria herself—"**

"You're one to talk," Jared said quietly. It went really quiet. Then we heard the door open. Sam and Paul came back in.

"Look guys, I'm really sorry. Me and my stupid temper," Paul said apologetically.

"Paul, we don't really blame you. It was stupid of us," Carlisle spoke up for the family. Paul nodded quietly and sat down.

**He shuddered and the gush of words halted for a short second. "Please know that I had no idea of any of this. I feel sick, sick to my core, even now, when I can see and feel you safe in my arms. I am the most miserable excuse for—" "Stop," I interrupted him. He stared at me with agonized eyes, and I tried to find the right words—the words that would free him from this imagined obligation that caused him so much pain.**

Edward growled a little next to me.

**They were very hard words to say. I didn't know if I could get them out without breaking down. But I had to **_**try**_** to do it right. I didn't want to be a source of guilt and anguish in my life.**

"You never will be that to me."

**He should be happy, no matter what it cost me.**

"As long as you're in my life, I am happy."

**I'd really been hoping to put off this part of our last conversation. It was going to bring things to an end so much sooner. Drawing on all my months of practice with trying to be normal for Charlie, I kept my face smooth. "Edward," I said. His name burned my throat a little on the way out. I could feel the ghost of the hole, waiting to rip itself wide again as soon as he disappeared.**

"Poor Bella," Esme and Carmen said at the same time.

"**This has to stop now. You can't think about things that way. You can't let this…this **_**guilt**_**…rule your life. You can't take responsibility for the things that happen to me here.**

"Of course I can. I don't want to see you die."

"**None of it is your fault, it's just part of how life **_**is **_**for me.**

"She's got a point there, bro," Emmett chuckled.

"**So, if I trip in front of a bus or whatever it is next time, you have to realize that it's not your job to take the blame. You can't just go running off to Italy because you feel bad that you didn't save me. Even if I had jumped off that cliff to die, that would have been my choice, and **_**not your fault**_**. I know it's your…your nature to shoulder the blame for everything, but you really can't let that make you go to such extremes! **

"I would have to agree," Esme said.

"**It's very irresponsible—think of Esme and Carlisle and—" I was on the edge of losing it. I stopped to take a deep breath, hoping to calm myself. I had to set him free. I had to make sure this never happened again. "Isabella Marie Swan," he whispered, the strangest expression crossing his face.**

It went really quiet for a few moments as the room became more solemn, ready to hear what Edward had to say.

**He almost looked mad. "Do you believe that I asked the Volturi to kill me **_**because I felt guilty?" **_**I could feel the blank incomprehension on my face. "Didn't you?" "Feel guilty? Intensely so. More than you can comprehend." "Then…what are you saying? I don't understand." "Bella, I went to the Volturi because I thought you were dead," he said, voice soft, eyes fierce.**

Edward looked thoroughly ashamed next to me. I rubbed his back for support.

"**Even if I'd had no hand in your death"--he shuddered as he whispered the last word--"even if it **_**wasn't **_**my fault, I would have gone to Italy. Obviously, I should have been more careful--I should have spoken to Alice directly, rather than accepting it secondhand from Rosalie.**

"AGREED!" Alice and Rose shouted at the same time.

"**But, really, what was I supposed to think when the boy said Charlie was at the funeral. What are the odds?**

It went really quiet in the room for a few moments.

"**The odds…," he muttered then, distracted. His voice was so low I wasn't sure I heard it right. "The odds are always stacked against us. Mistake after mistake. I'll never criticize Romeo again." "But I still don't understand," I said. "That's my whole point. So what?"**

Surprise and shock spread across my family's faces in the room.

"**Excuse me?" "So what if I **_**was**_** dead?" He stared at me dubiously for a long moment before answering. "Don't you remember anything I told you before?"**

"Trust me, we _all_ remember what you had to say," Jake said through his teeth. I looked at him with pleading eyes. He looked up and saw how upset I looked. He took a few deep breaths and sighed in resignation.

"**I remember **_**everything **_**that you told me." Including the words that had negated all the rest. He brushed the tip of his cool finger against my lower lip. "Bella, you seem to be under a misapprehension." He closed his eyes, shaking his head back and forth with half a smile on his beautiful face. It wasn't a happy smile. "I thought I'd explained it clearly before. Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist."**

Esme smiled proudly at her son.

"**I am…" My head swam as I looked for the appropriate word. "Confused." That worked. I couldn't make sense of what he was saying. He stared deep into my eyes with his sincere, earnest gaze. "I'm a good liar, Bella, I have to be."**

"I guess I did a pretty good job at lying too, after seeing how hard it was for you to accept that I was back, and you would have me."

**I froze, my muscles locking down as if for impact. The fault line in my chest rippled; the pain of it took my breath away. He shook my shoulder, trying to loosen my rigid pose. "Let me finish! I'm a good liar, but still, for you to believe me so quickly." He winced. "That was…excruciating."**

"I don't even know if excruciating even covered it. It was like if Jake was to lose Renesmee for one reason or another, and had to come up with a lie for her. Our relationship is similar to imprinting, except we're soul mates. It hurt me all over to think of the thought of losing my soul mate." It was really quiet as we let Edward gather his thoughts. He then walked out of the room, headed outside, and to the meadow.

I followed quietly, even though I knew that he could hear me. When he got to our favorite spot, he turned around, and I swear, if a vampire could cry, he would be making a river with his tears. I walked up to him slowly, and took him in my arms, hugging him deeply. "You don't have to talk, just let it out," I whispered in his ear.

After a few minutes of a silent exchange, I felt a wave of calmness and happiness. I turned around to find the family, watching us with solemn looks on their face.

"Son, we understand how you feel. I know this is difficult for you. Imagine how hard it was for us to watch you those months, during the times you would come home at all," Esme said, then came over and hugged her son. She looked at him, sending a message in his mind. He nodded slowly, and turned to us. Whatever she said to him seemed to help a lot. He looked somewhat happier.

"K, thank you for giving me space. I think I am ready now." We walked quietly back to the house, where the Denalis and the pack were waiting for us. After a few more moments of silence, I gathered my thoughts and began to read.

**I waited, still frozen. "When we were in the forest, when I was telling you goodbye--" I didn't allow myself to remember. I fought to keep myself in the present second right now. "You weren't going to let go," he whispered. "I could see that. I didn't want to do it--but I knew that if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life.**

"Thank goodness I didn't take that advice," I joked darkly. He chuckled once. Jake growled a little.

"**I hoped that, if you thought **_**I'd **_**moved on, so would you." "A clean break," I whispered through unmoving lips. "Exactly. But I never imagined it would be so easy to do! I thought it would be next to impossible--that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant the seed of doubt in your head.**

"_Right_, because that would make the difference," Jake sneered through his teeth.

"**I lied, and I'm so sorry--sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn't work. I'm sorry. But how could you believe me? After all the thousand times I've told you I love you, how come you let one word break your faith in me?" I didn't answer. I was too shocked to form a rational response.**

"I don't know how I could think that," I said quietly.

"**I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly **_**believed**_** that I didn't want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept--as if there were **_**any **_**way that **_**I **_**could exist without needing **_**you!"**_

"Bella, looking at it from the outside, as someone who once thought I was in love with Edward myself, I saw the love he had for you during the time after he left and came up here for a few weeks. It's hard to think that anyone has loved someone as much as you two love each other," Tanya told us. I smiled at her.

**I was still frozen. His words were incomprehensible, because they were impossible. He shook my shoulder again, not hard, but enough that my teeth rattled a little. "Bella," he sighed. "Really, what were you thinking!" And so I started to cry. The tears welled up and then gushed miserably down my cheeks. "I knew it," I sobbed. "I **_**knew**_** I was dreaming."**

Alice shook her head in amazement.

"**You're impossible," he said, and he laughed once--a hard laugh, frustrated. "How can I put this so that you'll believe me? You're not asleep, and you're not dead.**

"Just a little blunt, aren't we, bro?" Emmett teased. Edward grinned at him.

"**I'm here, and I love you. I **_**have **_**always love you, and I **_**will **_**always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy." I shook my head while the tears continued to ooze from the corners of my eyes.**

If any of us could cry, we would be right now, from hearing this conversation. Well, there was one vampire crying. Well half-vampire, that is. Nessie. She was in tears in Edward's arms. She reached out for me. I pulled her into my lap. She put her hand up to my face.

VISION: Edward and I hugging and kissing in the meadow a few minutes ago.

I looked down at her. "He loves you, momma," she said through sniffles.

"I know, but it was hard at that time to believe that. But trust me, Dad and I will love each other forever," I said, smiling at her. She took a deep breath, jumped off my lap, and curled up in Indian-style on the floor in front of me, hands resting on her cheeks, elbows facing her legs, waiting for me to read.

"**You don't believe me, do you?" he whispered, his face paler than his usual pale--I could see that even in the dim light. "It never made sense for you to love me," I explained, my voice breaking twice. "I always knew that." **

"I don't believe that," Alice told me.

"**I'll prove you're awake," he promised. He caught my face securely between his iron hands, ignoring my struggles when I tried to turn my head away. "Please don't," I whispered. He stopped, his lips just half an inch from mine. "Why not?" he demanded. His breath blew into my face, making my head whirl. "When I wake up"--He opened his mouth to protest, so I revised--"okay, forget that one--when you leave again, it's going to be hard enough without this, too."**

"Bella, did you honestly think I was going to leave you again?" Edward asked in a concerned voice. I nodded quietly. He sighed.

**He pulled back an inch, to stare at my face. "Yesterday, when I would touch you, you were so…hesitant, so careful, and yet still the same. I need to know why. Is it because I'm too late?**

"As much as I hate to see this, as I will most likely have Nessie when she's older, part of me wishes that was true," Jake commented. Edward glared a little at Jake.

"**Because I've hurt you too much? Because you **_**have **_**moved on, as I meant for you to? That would be…quite fair. I won't contest your decision. So don't try to spare my feelings, please--just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?" he whispered.**

"She never did stop loving you," Emily said, half smiling. "Even when I saw how much time she spent with Jake, there was something missing in her eyes. The feeling of true love."

"**What kind of an idiotic question is that?" "Just answer it. Please." I stared at him darkly for a long moment. "The way I feel about you will never change. Of course I love you--and there's nothing you can do about it."**

I saw my family beaming at us.

"**That's all I needed to hear." His mouth was on mine then, and I couldn't fight him. Not because he was so many thousand times stronger than me, but because my will crumbled into dust the second our lips met.**

I smiled, remembering that moment very clearly.

**This kiss was not quite as careful as others I remembered, which suited me just fine.**

"It suited me just fine as well," Edward chuckled.

**If I was going to rip myself up further, I might as well get as much in trade as possible.**

Edward stopped laughing and shook his head at me in shock.

**So I kissed back, my heart pounding over a jagged, disjointed rhythm while my breathing turned to panting and my fingers moved greedily to his face. I could feel his marble skin against every line of mine, and I was so glad he hadn't listened to me--**

"I am too," Edward said, grinning at me.

**There was no pain in the world that would have justified missing this.**

"I agree."

**His hands memorized my face, the same way mine were tracing his, and, in the brief seconds when his lips were free, he whispered my name. When I started to get dizzy he pulled away, only to lay his ear against my heart. **

"That is one of the things that I miss about your human self," Edward smiled at me.

**I lay there, dazed, waiting for my gasping to slow and quiet. "By the way," he said in a casual tone. "I'm not leaving you."**

Renesmee bounced up and down, clapping her hands in excitement. I leaned down off the couch and kissed her on the cheek. I then wrapped my arm around her and continued reading, while she looked over, watching the book.

**I didn't say anything, and he seemed to hear skepticism in my silence. He lifted his face to look my gaze in his. "I'm not going anywhere. Not without you," he added more seriously. "I only left you in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy, human life. I could see what I was doing to you--keeping you constantly on the edge of danger, taking you away from the world you belonged in, risking your life every moment I was with you.**

"To go hang out with wolves, that's _normal_," I teased. He laughed, along with Jake.

"**So I had to try. I had to do **_**something**_**, and it seemed like leaving you, I could have never made myself leave. I'm much too selfish. **

"I would have to agree with that," Alice commented.

"**Only **_**you **_**could be more important than what I wanted…what I needed. What I want and need is to be with you, and I know I'll never be strong enough to leave again. I have too many excuses to stay--think heaven for that! It seems you **_**can't **_**be safe, no matter how many miles I put between us." "Don't promise me anything," I whispered. If I let myself hope, and it came to nothing…that would kill me.**

"Aww," Rose said. "Sometimes I wish I had that when I was human."

**Where all those merciless vampires had not been able to finish me off, hope would do that job. **

"Death by heartbreak," Carlisle said quietly. "It's rare, but I've seen it happen a few times."

**Anger glinted metallic in his black eyes. "You think I'm lying to you now?" "No--not lying." I shook my head, trying to think it thorough coherently. To examine the hypothesis that he **_**did**_** love me, while staying objective, clinical, so I wouldn't fall into the trap of hoping. "You could mean it…now. But what about tomorrow, when you think about all the reasons you left me in the first place? Or next month, when Jasper takes a snap at me?"**

Edward and Jasper flinched at this.

**He flinched. I thought back over those last few days of my life before he left me, tried to see them through the filter of what he was telling me now. From that perspective, imagining that he'd left me while loving me, left me **_**for**_** me, his brooding and cold silences took on a different meaning.**

"Yes, I hoped they would."

"**It isn't as if you hadn't thought the first decision through, is it?" I guessed. "You'll end up doing what you think is right." "I'm not as strong as you give me credit for," he said. "Right and wrong have ceased to mean much to me; I was coming back anyway. Before Rosalie told me the news, I was already past trying to live through one week at a time, or even one day. "I was fighting to make it through a single hour. It was only a matter of time--and not much of it--before I showed up at your window and begged you to take me back.**

"Really?" Esme asked, hope in her voice. Edward nodded. She smiled

"**I'd be happy to beg now, if you'd like that."**

"You turning into a _dog_ now, Edward?' Seth smirked at him. He laughed.

**I grimaced. "Be serious, please. "Oh, I am," he insisted, glaring now. "Will you please try to hear what I'm telling you? Will you let me attempt to explain what you mean to me?" He waited, studying my face as he spoke to make sure I was really listening. **

I took a breath, smiling, before reading this part. Seeing this said again reminded me of how amazing he was. Edward smiled down at me, and I smiled back.

"**Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars--points of light and reason…And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."**

I saw a lot of pain in my family's eyes, as they remember the months without me.

**I wanted to believe him. But this was **_**my**_** life without **_**him**_** that he was describing, not the other way around. "Your eyes will adjust," I mumbled. "That's just the problem—they can't." "What about your distractions?" **

Edward chuckled next to me.

**He laughed without a trace of humor. "Just part of the lie, love. There was no distraction from the…the **_**agony**_**. My heart hasn't beat in almost ninety years, but this was different. It was like my heart was gone—like I was hollow, different. Like I'd left everything that was inside me here with you."**

I took a deep breath, struggling to read this part.

"**That's funny," I muttered. He arched one perfect eyebrow. "Funny?" "I meant strange—I thought t was just me. Lots of pieces of me went missing, too. I haven't been able to really breathe in so long."**

"Trust me, dear, you were not the only one," Esme said, comforting me.

**I filled my lungs, luxuriating in the sensation. "And my heart. That was definitely lost." He closed his eyes and laid his ear over my heart again. I let my cheek press against his hair, felt the texture of it on my skin, smelled the delicious scent of him. "Tracking wasn't a distraction then?" I asked, curious, and also needing to distract **_**myself**_**. I was very much in danger of hoping. **

"Nothing wrong with that."

**I wouldn't be able to stop myself for long. My heart throbbed, singing in my chest. "No." He sighed. "That was never a distraction. It was an obligation."**

"An obligation that became a distraction when not only I couldn't catch her, but the wolves couldn't either."

"**What does that mean?" "It means that, even though I never expected any danger from Victoria, I wasn't going to let her get away with…Well, like I said, I was horrible at it.**

"Clearly," Jake muttered.

"**I was horrible at it. I traced her as far as Texas, but then I followed a false lead down to Brazil****—and really she came here." He groaned. "I wasn't even on the right continent! And all the while, worse than my worst fears—" "You were hunting **_**Victoria**_**?" I half-shrieked as soon as I could find my voice, shooting through two octaves.**

"Bella, you should have known better. You could have woken Charlie shouting that loud," Jake scolded.

**Charlie's distant snores stuttered, and then picked up a regular rhythm again. "Not well," Edward answered, studying my outraged expression with a confused look. "But I'll do better this time. She won't be tainting perfectly good air by breathing in and out for much longer."**

"And we help with that," Sam grinned at us.

"And on behalf of my family, I would once again like to apologize for not being there when you needed us," Tanya spoke up.

"It's okay Tanya, we are just glad that you were there for the Denali ordeal," Carlisle responded.

"**That is…out of the question," I managed it choke out. Insanity.**

"Okay, apparently a good vampire killing a vicious, revengeful, evil bitch of a vampire is insanity," Emmett teased.

**Even if he had Emmett or Jasper help him. Even if he had Emmett **_**and**_** Jasper help. It was worse than my other imaginings: Jacob Black standing across a small space from Victoria's vicious and feline figure.**

"How did I come into this?" Jake asked, confused.

**I couldn't bear to picture Edward there, even though he was so much more durable than my half-human best friend.**

"Are you sure about that?" Jake smirked.

"**It's too late for her. I might have let the other time slide, but not now, not after—" I interrupted him again, trying to sound calm. "Didn't you just promise that you weren't going to leave?" I asked, fighting the words as I said them, not letting them plant themselves in my heart. "That isn't exactly compatible with an extended tracking expedition, is it?"**

"I don't think that counts as leaving. Keeping you safe is my priority."

**He frowned. A snarl began to build low in his chest. "I will keep my promise, Bella. But Victoria"—the snarl became more pronounced—"is going to die. Soon."**

"Later than sooner, unfortunately. First we had to get through the vicious killing spree in Seattle," Carlisle said sadly.

"So that's what the killing spree was. I figured it might have been vampires behind it. It reminded me a lot of Jasper's past," Eleazer reminisced. Carlisle nodded.

"**Let's not be hasty," I said, trying to hide my panic. "Maybe she's not coming back. Jake's pack probably scared her off. There's really no reason to go looking for her. Besides, I've got bigger problems than Victoria."**

"Not much is bigger than Victoria's issue was."

"Unless you count the Volturi," I muttered. It went quiet for a few moments.

**Edward's eyes narrowed, but he nodded. "It's true. The werewolves are a problem."**

I heard a growling come from the other side of the room, where the wolves were sitting.

**I snorted. "I wasn't talking about **_**Jacob**_**. My problems are a lot worse than a handful of adolescent wolves getting themselves into trouble." **

Jake and Seth chuckled.

**Edward looked as he were about to say something, and then thought better of it. His teeth clicked together, and he spoke through them. "Really?" he asked. "Then what would be your greatest problem? That would make Victoria's returning for you seem like such an inconsequential matter in comparison?"**

"Only one thing in particular," I muttered under my breath.

"**How about the second greatest?" I hedged. **

"The Volturi are _second _greatest threat??" Alice asked in amazement.

"Yeah, after Victoria, I decided shortly after that."

"I'm not sure, Bella. I lived with them for decades. I would have to say they're about even," Carlisle said calmly.

"**All right," he agreed, suspicious. I paused. I wasn't sure I could say the name. "There are others who are coming to look for me," I reminded him in a subdued whisper. He sighed, but the reaction was not as strong as I would have imagined after his response to Victoria. "The Volturi are only the **_**second**_** greatest?"**

"Good, I'm not the only one who thinks that's crazy," Alice commented.

"**You don't seem that upset about it," I noted. "Well, we have plenty of time to think it through. Time means something very different to them than it does to you, or even me.**

"That's very true," Carlisle commented.

"**They count years the way you count days. I wouldn't be surprised if you were thirty before you crossed their minds again," he added lightly.**

"Now that I am a vampire, I understand that. It's hard to remember what I did before we started reading the book, never mind months ago," I said thoughtfully.

**Horror washed through me. Thirty. So his promises meant nothing, in the end. If I were going to turn thirty someday, then he couldn't be planning on staying long. **

"It was all about the soul to me. But that did not mean that I was not staying."

**The harsh pain of this knowledge made me realize that I'd already begun to hope, without giving myself permission to do so.**

"Bella, it's okay to have hope," Alice pleaded.

"**You don't have to be afraid," he said, anxious as he watched the tears dew up again on the rims of my eyes. "I won't let them hurt you." "While you're here." Not that I cared what happened to me when he left.**

"_If _I had left, I would definitely have still cared about what your future would hold. But the only way I would have left is if you told me you wanted Jacob more," Edward said honestly.

"Really??" Jake asked, surprised. Edward nodded.

"Well then, I regret to say, I don't know if I would have done the same if it was the other way around."

"Trust me dog, we already know and have seen that," Rose growled. It went quiet for a few moments. A few very awkward moments of silence, before Jasper relaxed us and cheered us up.

**He took my face between his two stone hands, holding it tightly while his midnight eyes glared into mine with the gravitational force of a black hole. "I will never leave you again."**

Esme and Carlisle smiled proudly at their son.

"**But you said **_**thirty**_**," I whispered. The tears leaked over the edge. "What? You're going to stay, but let me get all old anyway? Right." His eyes softened, while his mouth went hard. "That's exactly what I'm going to do. What choice have I? I cannot be without you, but I will not destroy your soul."**

"Too late for that," Jake muttered under his breath.

"**Is this really…" I tried to keep my voice even, but this question was too hard. I remembered his face when Aro had almost begged him to consider making me immortal.**

"Just be glad that you did not hear what he was thinking in the inside," Edward grumbled.

**The sick look there. Was this fixation with keeping me human really about my soul, or was it because he wasn't sure that he wanted me around that long?**

"Of course it was about your soul. It was always about your soul."

"**Yes?" he asked, waiting for my question. I asked a different one. Almost—but not quite—as hard. "But what about when I get so old that people think I'm your mother? Your **_**grandmother**_**?" My voice was pale with revulsion—I could see Gran's face again in the dream mirror.**

"Man, I'm sorry, but that is kind of gross to think about," Emmett pointed out to Edward.

**His whole face was soft now. He brushed the tears from my cheek with his lips. "That doesn't mean anything to me," he breathed against my skin. "You will always be the most beautiful thing in my world. **

"Aww," I heard come out of Alice's and Esme's mouths.

"**Of course…" He hesitated, flinching slightly. "If you outgrew **_**me**_**—if you wanted something more—I would understand that, Bella. I promise I wouldn't stand in your way if you wanted to leave me."**

"I don't know that I wouldn't have stood in the way though," Alice said thoughtfully.

**His eyes were liquid onyx and utterly sincere. He spoke as if he'd put endless amounts of thought into this asinine plan.**

"Trust me, as much as it hurt me to do so, I did put a lot of thought into it."

"**You do realize that I'll die eventually, right?" I demanded. He'd thought about this part, too. "I'll follow after as soon as I can." "That is seriously…" I looked for the right word. "Sick."**

"Agreed," Jake commented.

"**Bella, it's the only right way left—" "Let's just back up for a minute," I said; feeling angry made it so much easier to be clear, decisive. "You do remember the Volturi, right? I can't stay human forever. They'll kill me. Even if they don't think of me till I'm **_**thirty"**_**—I hissed the word—"do you really think they'll forget?" "No," he answered slowly, shaking his head. "They won't forget. But…" "But?" He grinned while I stared at him warily. Maybe I wasn't the only crazy one.**

"Are you sure about that?" Jacob teased. I stuck my tongue out at him.

"**I have a few plans." "And these plans," I said, my voice getting more acidic with each word. "These plans all center around me staying **_**human**_**." **

"If only that happened," Jake said, suddenly losing his grin he had a moment ago.

**My attitude hardened his expression. "Naturally." His tone was brusque, his divine face arrogant. We glowered at each other for a long time.**

"Stubborn mule," I muttered under my breath. Edward chuckled. He leaned down and kissed me on the forehead.

**Then I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders. I pushed his arms away so that I could sit up. "Do you want me to leave?" he asked, and it made my heart flutter to see that this idea hurt him, though he tried not to show it. "No," I told him. **_**"I'm **_**leaving."**

The whole room stared at me in shock and total confusion.

**He watched me suspiciously as I climbed out of my bed and fumbled around in the dark room, looking for my shoes. "May I ask where you are going?" he asked. "I'm going to your house," I told him, still feeling around blindly.**

Everyone in the room lightened up and was laughing slightly.

"What, did you really think I was leaving him?" I laughed. I swear, if my family could blush, they'd all be red as a tomato right now.

**He got up and came to my side. "Here are your shoes. How did you plan to get there?" "My truck." "That will probably wake Charlie," he offered as a deterrent.**

"Now you're starting to sound like me," Alice grinned at Edward. He laughed.

**I sighed. "I know. But honestly, I'll be grounded for weeks as it is. How much more trouble can I really get in?"**

"A lot more," I growled, glaring at Jake. He shrunk back in his seat.

"**None. He'll blame me, not you." "If you have a better idea, I'm all ears." "Stay here," he suggested, but his expression wasn't hopeful. "No dice. But you go ahead and make yourself at home," I encouraged, surprised at how natural my teasing sounded, and headed for the door.**

Alice snorted.

**He was there before me, blocking my way.**

"No surprise there," Emmett grinned.

**I frowned, and turned for the window. It wasn't really that far to the ground, and it was mostly grass beneath.**

"But with your luck, who knows what would happen?" Alice teased.

"**Okay," he sighed. "I'll give you a ride." I shrugged. "Either way. But you probably **_**should **_**be there, too." "And why is that?" "Because you're extraordinarily opinionated, and I'm sure you'll want a chance to air your views."**

"That's an understatement," Edward commented.

"**My view on which subject?" He asked through his teeth. "This isn't just about you anymore. You're not the center of the universe, you know." My own personal universe was, of course, a different story.**

Edward chuckled.

"**If you're going to bring the Volturi down on something as stupid as leaving me human, then your family ought to have a say." "A say in what?" he asked, each word distinct. "My mortality. I'm putting it to a vote."**

**WOW that took FOREVER to write!!! Well, anyway there's the chapter. I hope you enjoyed the emotional parts, there were parts where I was crying after I wrote it, so I hope you feel for them as you read it to. Please review, happy new year, and see you next chapter. ****J**


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in it**

**Hey guys, here we go again. We're on the second to last chapter. Like promised, I have a surprise for you next chapter, so keep reading. Anyway, here we go, the infamous vote. I got a lot of comments saying that this is their favorite chapter, so I hope I can do it justice. Enjoy!**

Chapter 28 (Chapter 24- Vote)

**He was not pleased, that much was easy to read in his face.**

"That's for certain," Edward mumbled.

**But, without further argument, he took me in his arms and sprang lithely from my window, landing without the slightest jolt, like a cat. It **_**was **_**a little bit further down than I'd imagined. "All right then," he said, his voice seething with disapproval. "Up you go." He helped me onto his back, and took off running. Even after all this time, it felt routine. Easy. Evidently this was something you never forgot, like riding a bicycle.**

"Yeah, well I doubt you ran on a lot of people's backs when he was gone," Alice chuckled.

**It was very quiet and dark as he ran through the forest, his breathing slow and even—dark enough that the trees flying past us were nearly invisible, and only the rush of air in my face truly gave away our speed. The air was damp.**

"Do you expect anything less in Forks?" Emmett teased.

**It didn't burn my eyes the way the wind in the big plaza had, and that was comforting. As was the night, too, after that terrifying brightness. Like the thick quilt I'd played under as a child, the dark felt familiar and protective.**

"Coming from a girl who grew up in the bright suns of Phoenix," Jasper joked. I laughed.

**I remembered that running through the forest like this used to frighten me, that I used to have to close my eyes. It seemed a silly reaction to me now. I kept my eyes wide, my chin resting on his shoulder, my cheek against his neck. The speed was exhilarating. A hundred times better than the motorcycle.**

Jake and Edward chuckled.

**I turned my face toward him and pressed my lips into the cold stone skin of his neck. "Thank you," he said, as the vague, black shapes of trees raced past us. "Does that mean you've decided you're awake?" I laughed. The sound was easy, natural, effortless. It sounded **_**right**_**. "Not really. More that, either way, I'm not trying to wake up. Not tonight."**

Alice chuckled. "Fair enough. If I was dreaming, I would feel the same way, if it was Jasper."

**"I'll earn your trust back somehow," he murmured, mostly to himself. "If it's my final act." "I trust **_**you**_**," I assured him. "It's me I don't trust." "Explain that please." He'd slowed to a walk—I could only tell because the wind ceased—and I guessed that we weren't far from the house. In fact, I thought I could make out the sound of the river rushing somewhere close by in the darkness. **

"Edward's worried about how you feel, and you're paying attention to the river?" Emmett asked, laughing. I shrugged my shoulders.

**"Well—" I struggled to find the right way to phrase it. "I don't trust myself to be…enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could **_**hold **_**you."**

"Except for the love that I truly feel for you," Edward reminded me.

**He stopped and reached around to pull me from his back. His gentle hands did not release me; after he'd set me on my feet again, he wrapped his arms tightly around me, hugging me to his chest. "Your hold is permanent and unbreakable," he whispered. "Never doubt that."**

"Aww," I heard come out of Esme's mouth.

**But how could I not? "You never did tell me…" he murmured. "What?" "What your greatest problem is." "I'll give you one guess." I sighed, and reached up to touch the tip of his nose with my index finger.**

"How was Edward worse than Victoria or the Volturi??" Alice asked incredulously.

**He nodded. "I'm worse than the Volturi," he said grimly.**

"Killing me is not as bad as leaving me heartbroken in my opinion."

**"I guess I've earned that."**

Jacob nodded his head in agreement.

**I rolled my eyes. "The worst the Volturi can do is kill me." He waited with tense eyes. "You can leave me," I explained. "The Volturi, Victoria…they're nothing compared to that."**

"I'm starting to understand why you chose him," Jake said glumly. "It really was and is true love."

**Even in the darkness, I could see the anguish twist his face—it reminded me of his expression under Jane's torturing gaze; I felt sick, and regretted speaking the truth. **

"But it needed to be told," Edward said quietly, and I knew he regretted admitting that.

**"Don't," I whispered, touching his face. "Don't be sad." He pulled one corner of his mouth up halfheartedly, but the expression didn't touch his eyes. "If there was only some way to make you see that I **_**can't **_**leave you," he whispered. **

"And I'll make sure of that," Alice said. I smiled at Alice.

**"Time, I suppose, will be the way to convince you." I liked the idea of time. "Okay," I agreed. His face was still tormented. I tried to distract him with inconsequentials. "So—since you're staying. Can I have my stuff back?" I asked, making my tone as light as I could manage. My attempt worked, to an extent; he laughed. But his eyes retained the misery. **

I chuckled a little at the thought that I never realized that my stuff was never 'gone'.

**"Your things were never gone," he told me. "I know it was wrong, since I promised you peace without reminders. It was stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you. The CD, the pictures, the tickets—they're all under your floorboards."**

"Yeah, but if I had found them, that might have put me into a bigger slump, honestly," I muttered.

_**"Really?" **_** He nodded, seeming slightly cheered by my obvious pleasure in this trivial fact. It wasn't enough to heal the pain in his face completely. **

"I kind of wish you did find it, to have something to remember me by," Edward said.

"Oh _trust_ me, the pain was how she remembered you," Jake growled. I looked at him with pleading eyes. He went quiet, seeing how upset it was making me.

**"I think," I said slowly, "I'm not sure, but I wonder…I think maybe I knew it the whole time." "What did you know?" I only wanted to take away the agony from his eyes, but as I spoke the words, they sounded truer than I expected they would. "Some part of me, my subconscious maybe, never stopped believing that you still cared whether I lived or died. **

"And I guess that's why you couldn't move on," Jake muttered quietly.

**"That's probably why I was hearing the voices." There was a very deep silence for a moment. "Voices?" he asked flatly. "Well, just one voice. Yours. It's a long story."** **The wary look on his face made me wish that I hadn't brought that up. Would he think I was crazy, like everyone else?**

"Bella, we know you're crazy, but that's what we love about you," Emmett teased. I stuck my tongue out while everyone else chuckled.

**Was everyone else right about that? But at least that expression—the one that made him look like something was burning him—faded. "I've got time." His voice was unnaturally even. "It's pretty pathetic."**

"I would have to agree with that," Jake commented in a teasing voice.

**He waited. I wasn't sure how to explain. "Do you remember what Alice said about extreme sports?" He spoke the words without inflection or emphasis. "You jumped off a cliff for fun."**

"Insanity," Alice said.

**"Er, right. And before that, with the motorcycle—" "Motorcycle?" he asked. I knew his voice well enough to hear something brewing behind the calm. "I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part." "No." "Well, about that…See, I found that…when I was doing something dangerous or stupid…I could remember you more clearly," I confessed, feeling completely mental.**

"Hearing voices, of course you're mental," Embry teased with a huge grin on his face. I folded my arms in protest and huffed.

**"I could remember how your voice sounded when you were angry. I could hear it, like you were standing right there next to me. Mostly I tried not to think about you, but this didn't hurt so much—it was like you were protecting me again. Like you didn't want me to be hurt.**

"I definitely wanted you to be safe," Edward said to me.

**"And, well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because, underneath it all, I always knew that you hadn't stopped loving me." **

"Aww," Alice and Esme cooed at the same time.

**Again, as I spoke, the words brought with them a sense of conviction. Of rightness. Some deep place inside me recognized truth. His words came out half-strangled. "You…were…risking your life…to hear—"**

If I could blush, I would be very red right now.

**"Shh," I interrupted him. "Hold on a second. I think I'm having an epiphany here." I thought of that night in Port Angeles when I'd had my first delusion. I'd come up with two options. Insanity or wish fulfillment.**

"Insanity," said half the people in the room. I tried to make a mad face, but ended up screwing up, which made us all laugh.

**I'd seen no third option. But what if…What if you sincerely believed something was true, but you were dead wrong? What if you were so stubbornly sure that you were right, that you wouldn't even consider the truth?**

"Because I made you believe that what I said was the truth."

**Would the truth be silenced, or would it try to break through? Option three: Edward loved me.**

"Duh," Alice said in a nonchalant way.

**The bond forged between us was not one that could be broken by absence, distance, or time.**

"Which is why I never gave up hope," I said.

**And no matter how much more special or beautiful or brilliant or perfect to me he might be, he was as irreversibly altered as I was. As I would always belong to him, so would he always be mine.**

Edward crawled down to my level on the floor, on the other side of Nessie, and kissed me on the lips happily. I happily accepted the kiss, and when I let go, I let a smile escape.

**Was that what I'd been trying to tell myself? "Oh!" "Bella?" "Oh. Okay. I see." "Your epiphany?" he asked, his voice uneven and strained. "You love me," I marveled.**

"Yes I do."

**The sense of conviction and rightness washed through me again. Though his eyes were still anxious, the crooked smile I loved best flashed across his face. "Truly, I do."**

I saw Jasper smile, and I knew everyone felt happy in the room for this moment in the book. I smiled deeply at him.

**My heart inflated like it was going to crack right through my ribs. I t filled my chest and blocked my throat so that I could not speak. He really did want me the way I wanted him—forever.**

"And I hate the fact that I ever thought otherwise."

"It's okay, love. That's mostly my fault that you felt otherwise," Edward pointed out to me.

**It **_**was **_**only fear for my soul, for the human things he didn't want to take from me, that made him so desperate to leave me mortal. Compared to the fear that he didn't want me, this hurdle—seemed almost insignificant.**

"You didn't think that for long though. You remember how much you used to beg me to change you?" Edward chuckled.

"For good reason," I retorted back. He laughed.

**He took my face tightly between his cool hands and kissed me until I was so dizzy the forest was spinning. Then he leaned his forehead against mine, and I was not the only one breathing harder than usual. **

"Even if it's not necessary to breathe," Jasper joked.

**"You were better at it than I was, you know," he told me.**

"I agree," said the whole Cullen family. I guess now that they saw my side, they could honestly say that.

**"Better at what?" "Surviving. You, at least, made an effort. You got up in the morning, tried to be normal for Charlie, followed the pattern of your life.**

"Tried is the keyword, but Charlie saw right through that," I muttered.

**"When I wasn't actively tracking, I was…totally useless. I couldn't be around my family—I couldn't be around anyone. I'm embarrassed to admit that I more or less curled up into a ball and let the misery have me."**

"It was even harder to witness this," Esme said sadly to her son. Edward looked at her with sad eyes.

**He grinned at me. "It was much more pathetic than hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do that, too."**

Everyone in the room started laughing at that thought.

**I was deeply relieved that he really seemed to understand—comforted that this all made sense to him. At any rate, he wasn't looking at me like I was crazy. **

"Don't worry, we all think you're crazy to begin with," Emmett said with a smirk on his face. Rose whacked him over the head, while I quietly chuckled.

**He was looking at me like…he loved me. "I only heard one voice," I corrected him.**

"She's got a point there," Jasper chuckled.

**He laughed and then pulled me tight against his right side and started to lead me forward. "I'm just humoring you with this." He motioned broadly with his hand toward the darkness in front of us as we walked. There was something pale and immense there—the house, I realized. "It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say." "This affects them now, too."**

"I agree," Alice commented.

**He shrugged indifferently. He led me through the open front door into the house and flipped the lights on. The room was just as I'd remembered it—the piano and the white couches and the pale, massive staircase. No dust, no white sheets.**

"I work hard to keep it organized," Esme said proudly.

**Edward called out the names with no more volume than I'd used in regular conversation. "Carlisle? Esme? Rosalie? Emmett? Jasper? Alice?" They would hear.**

"Yes?" my family responded in harmony. We all laughed.

**Carlisle was suddenly standing beside m, as if he'd been there all along. "Welcome back, Bella." He smiled. "What can we do for you this morning? I imagine, due to the hour, that this is not a purely social visit?"**

"What's wrong with visiting vampires at 3 am?" I teased.

"Well, you know, ahem, some of us were 'busy'," Emmett made his obvious point, putting air quotes around the word busy. I stuck my tongue out at him.

**I nodded. "I'd like to talk to everyone at once, if that's okay. About something important." I couldn't help glancing up at Edward's face as I spoke. His expression was critical, but resigned. When I looked back to Carlisle, he was looking at Edward, too. "Of course," Carlisle said. "Why don't we talk in the other room?" Carlisle led the way through the bright living room, around the corner to the dining room, turning on lights as he went. The walls were white, the ceilings high, like the living room.**

"Boring!" Emmett shouted at the dull sentence in the book.

**In the center of the room, under the low-hanging chandelier, was a large, polished oval table surrounded by eight chairs.**

"I never understood what you needed a dining room table for, anyway," Seth said curiously.

"To keep up with appearance. We don't want humans getting suspicious when they come in here," Carlisle told him.

**Carlisle held out a chair for me at the head. I'd never seen the Cullens use the dining room table before—it was just a prop.**

"Exactly."

**They didn't eat in the house. As soon as I turned to sit in the chair, I saw that we were not alone. Esme had followed Edward, and behind her the rest of the family filed in. Carlisle sat down on my right, and Edward on my left. Everyone else took their seats in silence. Alice was grinning at me, already in on the plot.**

"Of course," Alice grinned at me.

**Emmett and Jasper looked curious, and Rosalie smiled at me tentatively. My answering smile was just as timid. That was going to take some getting used to.**

"Hey Embry I bet you 10 bucks that most of the family says yes, except for Edward and Rosalie," Seth bet Embry.

"You're on!"

**Carlisle nodded toward me. "The floor is yours." I swallowed. Their gazing eyes made me nervous. Edward took my hand under the table. I peeked at him, but he was watching the others, his face suddenly fierce. "Well," I paused. "I'm hoping Alice has already told you everything that happened in Volterra?"**

"The minute she got home she did."

**"Everything," Alice assured me. I threw her a meaningful look. "And on the way?" "That, too," she nodded. "Good," I sighed with relief. "Then we're all on the same page." They waited patiently while I tried to order my thoughts. "So, I have a problem," I began. Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check, and I'm sure that's a bad thing—something to avoid.**

"Yes, the Volturi coming around here is definitely a bad thing," Edward and Carlisle said at the same time.

**"And so, now, this involves you all. I'm sorry about that." I looked at each one of their beautiful faces, saving the most beautiful for last. Edward's mouth was turning into a grimace. **

"Because my family was already thinking of changing you in their heads at that point before you even asked!"

**"But, if you don't want me, then I'm not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not." Esme opened her mouth to speak, but I held up one finger to stop her.**

"What I was going to say is that you are family to us, and we would have been delighted to change you at that very moment." I smiled at her.

**"Please, let me finish. You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too. I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote. If you decide you don't want me, then…I guess I'll go back to Italy alone. I can't have **_**them**_** coming **_**here**_**."**

Everyone in the room shuddered.

**My forehead creased as I considered that. There was the faint rumble of a growl in Edward's chest. I ignored him. "Taking into account, then, that I won't put any of you in danger either way, I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire." I half-smiled on the last word, and gestured toward Carlisle to begin. "Just a minute," Edward interrupted.**

"Leave it to Edward to ruin the fun," Alice complained. Edward growled slightly.

**I glared at him through narrowed eyes. He raised his eyebrows as me, squeezing my hand. "I have something to add before we vote." I sighed. **

"No surprise," Seth laughed.

**"About the danger Bella's referring to," he continued. "I don't think we need to be overly anxious." His expression became more animated. He put his free hand on the shining table and leaned forward. "You see," he explained, looking around the table while he spoke, "There was more than one reason why I didn't want to shake Aro's hand there at the end.**

Sam looked at him confused.

**"There's something they didn't think of, and I didn't want to clue them in." He grinned. "Which was?" Alice prodded. I was sure my expression was just as skeptical as hers. "The Volturi are overconfident, and with good reason. When they decide to find someone, it's not really a problem. Do you remember Demetri?" He glanced down at me.**

"It's hard to forget him," I muttered quietly under my breath.

**I shuddered. He took that as a yes. "He finds people—that's his talent, why they keep him. Now, the whole time we were with any of them, I was picking their brains for anything that might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri's talent works. He's a tracker—a tracker a thousand times more gifted than James was.**

I shuddered.

**"His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the…flavor? I don't know how to describe it…the tenor…of someone's mind, and then he follows that. It works over immense distances."\**

"I still don't see how this would have saved her," Sam said curiously.

**"But after Aro's little experiments, well…" Edward shrugged. "You think he won't be able to find me," I said flatly. He was smug. "I'm sure of it. He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn't work with you, they'll all be blind." "And how does that solve anything?" "Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they're planning a visit, and I'll hide you. They'll be helpless," he said with fierce enjoyment.**

"Well, looking at the last two time that they stopped by, I don't know of that's so accurate," I said. "Although the second time, they were completely helpless," I said with a grin. Edward chuckled.

**"It will be like looking for a piece of straw in a haystack!" He and Emmett exchanged a glance and a smirk. This made no sense. "But they can find you," I reminded him. "And I can take care of myself."**

"Yes, apparently going to Italy is taking care of yourself," Alice said sarcastically. Edward growled.

**Emmett laughed, and reached across the table toward his brother, extending a fist. "Excellent plan, my brother," he said with enthusiasm. Edward stretched out his arm to smack Emmett's fist with his own. "No," Rosalie hissed. "Absolutely not," I agreed. "Nice," Jasper's voice was appreciative. "Idiots," Alice muttered.**

We all snickered at that comment.

**Esme just glared at Edward.**

"For good reason," Esme pointed out.

**I straightened up my chair, focusing. This was **_**my**_** meeting. "All right, then. Edward has offered an alternative for you to consider," I said coolly. "Let's vote."**

"Here we go," Embry said, grinning at Seth. Seth grinned back.

**I looked toward Edward this time; it would be better to get his opinion out of the way. "Do you want me to join your family?" His eyes were hard and black as flint. "Not that way. You're staying human."**

"So far so good," grinned Seth.

**I nodded once, keeping my face businesslike, and then moved on. "Alice?" "Yes." "Jasper?" "Yes, he said, voice grave. I was a little surprised—I hadn't been at all sure of his vote—but I suppressed my reaction and moved on. **

"It's better to have you one of us, then let me make that terrible mistake again," Jasper said quietly. I nodded understandingly.

**"Rosalie?" She hesitated, biting down on her full perfect bottom lip. "No."**

Embry frowned at the bet he had agreed to, while Seth's huge smile seemed to be getting bigger and bigger.

**I kept my face blank and turned my head slightly to move on, but she held up both her hands, palm forward. "Let me explain," she pleaded. "I don't mean that I have any aversion to you as a sister. It's just that…this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me."**

It went really quiet in the room as we remembered Rose's terrible past. After Jasper relaxed the room, I read again.

**I nodded slowly, and then turned to Emmett. "Hell, yes!" He grinned. "We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri." I was still grimacing at that when I looked at Esme. "Yes, of course, Bella. I already think of you as part of my family." "Thank you, Esme," I murmured as I turned toward Carlisle. I was suddenly nervous, wishing I had asked for his vote first.**

Carlisle looked at me, confused.

**I was sure that this was the vote that mattered most, the vote that counted more than any majority. Carlisle wasn't looking at me. "Edward," he said. "No," Edward growled. His jaw was strained tight, his lips curled back from his teeth. "It's the only way that makes sense," Carlisle insisted. "You've chosen not to live without her, and that doesn't leave me a choice."**

"Cha-ching! Pay up, Embry," Seth said with a grin on his face, his hand out, palm up, ready for money to be placed in his giant wolf hand.

"Well, uh, you see, I don't have the money right now…" Embry started, but then Emmett tackled him off the couch and onto the ground. They rolled around the floor, play fighting for a while, until I saw Emmett come up with something in his hand. Embry's wallet.

"Got it!" he shouted in excitement, handing the owed money to Seth before handing Embry's wallet back to him. Embry sulked, while the rest of us were cracking up.

**Edward dropped my hand, shoving away from the table. He stalked out of the room, snarling under his breath.**

"Spoil sport," said Alice.

**"I guess you know my vote," Carlisle sighed. I was still staring after Edward. "Thanks," I mumbled. An earsplitting crash echoed from the other room.**

"Wow, that's mature," Jake said sarcastically. Edward glared at him.

**I flinched, and spoke quickly. "That's all I needed. Thank you. For wanting to keep me. I feel exactly the same way about all of you, too." My voice was jagged with emotion by the end. Esme was at my side, in a flash, her cold arms around me.**

I started feeling really upset, remembering what it took to change his mind. Nessie saw me upset and gave me a hug. I hugged her back. After relaxing, I read again.

**"Dearest Bella," she breathed. I hugged her back. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Rosalie looking down at the table, and I realized that my words could be constructed in two ways. "Well, Alice," I said when Esme released me. "Where do you want to do this?" Alice stared at me, her eyes widening in terror.**

"I didn't expect you to let me, knowing that Edward was not okay with it."

**"No! **_**No! **_**NO!" Edward roared, charging back into the room.**

It went really quiet for a few moments.

**He was in my face before I had time to blink, bending over me, his expression twisted in rage. "Are you insane?" he shouted. "Have you utterly lost your mind?"**

Renesmee shrunk down in my lap and curled into a ball, scared. I rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head softly. I then felt Jasper relax her, so I continued.

**I cringed away, my hands over my ears. "Um, Bella," Alice interjected in an anxious voice. "I don't think I'm **_**ready**_** for that. I'll need to prepare…"**

"Plus, I would never hurt my brother like that, to be honest."

**"You promised," I reminded her, glaring under Edward's arm. "I know, but…Seriously, Bella! I don't have any idea how to **_**not**_** kill you." "You can do it," I encouraged. "I trust you." Edward snarled in fury. Alice shook her head quickly, looking panicked. "Carlisle?" I turned to look at him. Edward grabbed my face in his hand, forcing me to look at him. His other hand was out, palm toward Carlisle.**

It was very, very quiet in the room, as I read the next part.

**Carlisle ignored that. "I'm able to do it," he answered my question. I wished I could see his expression. "You would be in no danger of me losing control." "Sounds good." I hoped he could understand; it was hard to talk clearly the way Edward held my jaw. **

"Now that I am a vampire, I am glad that it was Edward after all. I wouldn't truly have wanted any other way, even if I had convinced you guys otherwise on that day."

**"Hold on," Edward said between his teeth. "It doesn't have to be now." "There's no reason for it not to be now," I said, the words coming out distorted. "I can think of a few." "Of course you can," I said sourly. **

"So can I," Jake muttered.

**"Now let go of me." He freed my face, and folded his arms across his chest. "In about two hours, Charlie will be here looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police."**

"Neither would I," Jake commented.

**"All three of them." **

Emmett chuckled.

**But I frowned. This was always the hardest part. Charlie. Renee. Now Jacob, too. The people I would lose, the people I would hurt. I wished there was some way that I could be the only one to suffer, but I knew that was impossible.**

Jake nodded quietly.

**At the same time, I was hurting them more by staying human. **

Jake gave me a weird glare that I didn't understand at all. I looked at him confused.

"He's wondering how you staying human would hurt him," Edward whispered in my ear. I looked at him apologetically, lost for words.

**Putting Charlie in constant danger through my proximity. Putting Jake in worse danger still by drawing his enemies across the land he felt bound to protect.**

"I don't mind, if I kill them, it's better."

**And Renee—I couldn't even risk a visit to see my own mother for fear of bringing my deadly problems along with me!**

"Poor Bella," Esme cooed once again.

**I was a danger magnet; I'd accepted that about myself. **

"Dead or alive," Emmett chuckled. I stuck my tongue out at him.

**Accepting this, I knew I needed to be able to take care of myself and protect the ones I loved, even if that meant that I couldn't be **_**with**_** them. I needed to be strong. "In the interest of remaining **_**inconspicuous," **_**Edward said, still talking through his gritted teeth, but looking at Carlisle now. "I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house."**

"Anything to stall, hmm?" Alice asked. Edward nodded.

"Although, now that I look back at it, I am extremely glad that you are now a vampire. It just was not the same when you were human."

"You mean the sex?" I asked mischievously. Both Edward and Emmett cracked up laughing.

**"That's a reasonable request, Bella," Carlisle pointed out. I thought about Charlie's reaction when he woke up this morning, if—after all that life had put him through in the last week with Harry's loss, and then **_**I **_**had put him through with my unexplained disappearance—he were to find my bed empty. **

"Not as bad as Jacob nearly outing us," Edward pointed out.

**Charlie deserved better than that.**

"Yes he does," Jacob pointed out.

**It was just a little more time; graduation wasn't so far away… I pursed my lips. "I'll consider it." Edward relaxed. His jaw unclenched. "I should probably take you home," he said, more calm now, but clearly in a hurry to get me out of here. "Just in case Charlie wakes up early." I looked at Carlisle. "After graduation?" "You have my word."**

"Except that time, you chickened out," Edward chuckled.

**"You have my word." I took a deep breath, smiled, and turned back to Edward. "Okay. You can take me home." Edward rushed me out of the house before Carlisle could promise me anything else. He took me out the back, so I didn't get to see what was broken in the living room. It was a quiet trip home. I was feeling triumphant, and a little smug. Scared stiff, too, of course, but I tried not to think about that.**

"It showed," Jasper pointed out.

**It did me no good to worry about the pain—the physical or the emotional—so I wouldn't. Not until I absolutely had to. When we got to my house, Edward didn't pause. He dashed up the wall and through my window in half a second. Then he pulled my arms from around his neck and set me on the bed. I thought I had a pretty good idea of what he was thinking, but his expression surprised me. Instead of furious, it was calculating.**

Carlisle raised an eyebrow in confusion.

**He paced silently back and forth across my dark room while I watched with growing suspicion. "Whatever you're planning, it's not going to work," I told him. "Shh. I'm thinking." "Ugh," I groaned, throwing myself back on the bed and pulling the quilt over my head.**

"Patient, aren't we?" Embry teased.

**There was no sound, but suddenly he was there. He flipped the cover back so he could see me. He was lying next to me. His hand reached up to brush your hair from my cheek. "If you don't mind, I'd much rather you didn't hide your face. I've lived without it for as long as I could stand.**

I smiled at the thought of him wanting to look at me forever and ever, which he now can, I added in my mind. I then turned to Edward, put both hands on his face, and concentrated on that thought. He chuckled and kissed me lightly on the lips.

**"Now…tell me something." "What?" I asked, unwilling. "IF you could have anything in the world, anything at all, what would it be?"**

"I could take one guess," Alice said with a smile on her face.

**I could feel the skepticism in my eyes. "You." He shook his head impatiently. "Something you don't already have." I wasn't sure where he was trying to lead me, so I thought before I answered. I came up with something that was both true, and also probably impossible. "I would want…Carlisle not to have to do it. I would want **_**you**_** to change me."**

Jacob gagged a little.

**I watched his reaction warily, expecting more of the fury I'd seen at his house. I was surprised that his expression didn't change. It was still calculating, thoughtful.**

"I guess I can surprise you as well as you surprise me sometimes," Edward chuckled.

**"What would you be willing to trade for them?" I couldn't believe my ears. I gawked at his composed face and blurted out the answer before I could think about it. "Anything."**

"Even sex?" Emmett asked. I growled a little. Rose wacked him over the head.

**He smiled faintly, and then pursed his lips. "Five years?" My face twisted into an expression somewhere between chagrin and horror. "You said anything," he reminded me.**

"That's just insanity to wait that long!" Alice exclaimed.

"I wouldn't have thought that way," Jake pointed out to Alice.

**"Yes, but…you'll use the time to find a way out of it. I have to strike while the iron is hot. Besides, it's just too dangerous to be human—for me, at least. So anything but **_**that.**_**"**

"She's got a point there, bro. After all, while she was human, she was still a danger magnet to herself and those around her," Emmett exclaimed.

**He frowned. "Three years?" "No!" "Isn't it worth anything to you at all?" I thought about how much I wanted this. Better to keep a poker face, I decided, and not let him know how **_**very**_** much that was.**

"Too late for that," Edward said quietly.

**It would give me more leverage. "Six months?" He rolled his eyes. "Not good enough." "One year, then," I said. "That's my limit." "At least give me two."**

"I swear, sometimes I wonder who's more stubborn," Alice said, throwing her arms up in defeat.

**"No way. Nineteen I'll do. But I'm not going anywhere **_**near**_** twenty. If you're staying in your teens forever, then so am I." He thought for a minute. "All right. Forget time limits. If you want me to be the one—then you'll have to meet one condition." "Condition?" My voice went flat. "What condition?" His eyes were cautious—he spoke slowly. "Marry me first."**

It went really quiet in the room.

"Wait a minute, you guys weren't engaged until after the newborn ordeal," Jasper said, confused.

"That's true, because she was stubborn as usual," replied Edward. I stuck my tongue out at him.

**I stared at him, waiting… "Okay. What's the punch line?" **

Emmett burst out laughing.

**He sighed. "You're wounding my ego, Bella. I just proposed to you, and you think it's a joke."**

Now we were all laughing.

**"Edward, please be serious." "I am one hundred percent serious." He gazed at me with no hint of humor in his face. "Oh, c'mon," I said, an edge of hysteria in my voice. "I'm only eighteen." "Well, I'm nearly a hundred and ten. It's time I settled down."**

I had to stop reading, because we were laughing so hard over my stupidity that I had to catch my breath. I felt myself relax, thanks to Jasper, then the whole room started to calm down a little.

**I looked away, out the dark window, trying to control the panic before it gave me away. "Look, marriage isn't exactly that high on my list of priorities, you know? It was sort of the kiss of death for Renee and Charlie."**

"Yes, but you and Edward were never like Renee and Charlie," Esme pointed out to me.

**"Interesting choice of words." "You know what I mean." He inhaled deeply. "Please don't tell me that you're afraid of the commitment," his voice was disbelieving, and I understood what he meant. "That's not it exactly," I hedged.**

"I am forever committed to you," I said, hugging him deeply. He hugged back, and we held each other a long few moments, before, as usual, a familiar throat clear was heard. I pulled up from the hug and stuck my tongue out at Emmett.

"Save that tongue for something else," Emmett told me. Rose wacked him again.

**"I'm…afraid of Renee. She has some really intense opinions on getting married before you're thirty."**

"Yeah, that went all down the drain the moment you told her," Edward said with a grin. I chuckled.

**"Because she'd rather you became one of the eternal damned than get married." He laughed darkly.**

Carlisle chuckled at the thought.

**"You think you're joking." "Bella, if you compare the level of commitment between a marital union as opposed to bartering your should in exchange for an eternity as a vampire…" He shook his head. "If you're brave enough to marry me, then—" "Well," I interrupted. "What if I did? What if I told you to take me to Vegas now?**

Alice growled.

"Oh cool it, you got the wedding you wanted to show off in the end," Paul teased. She stuck her tongue out at him.

**"Would I be a vampire in three days?" He smiled, his teeth flashing in the dark. "Sure," he said, calling my bluff. "I'll get my car."**

"Road trip!" shouted Emmett.

**"Damnit." I muttered. "I'll give you eighteen months." "No deal," he said, grinning. "I like **_**this**_** condition." "Fine. I'll have Carlisle do it when I graduate."**

"Geez, she really is stubborn, isn't she?" Jared complained. I growled playfully.

**"If that's what you want." He shrugged, and his smile became absolutely angelic. "You're impossible," I groaned. "A monster."**

"I also knew that you wouldn't truly want Carlisle to change you, so I knew I would figure out a way to get my way," Edward said with a grin on his face.

**He chuckled. "Is that why you won't marry me?" I groaned again. He leaned toward me; his night-dark eyes melted and smoldered and shattered my concentration. "**_**Please**_**, Bella?" he breathed. I forgot how to breathe for a moment. When I recovered, I shook my head quickly, trying to clear my suddenly clouded mind. "Would this have gone better if I'd had time to get a ring?"**

"Usually it's helpful to have a ring when you propose," Quil joked.

**"No! No rings!" I very nearly shouted.**

"Or not..."

**"Now you've done it," he whispered. "Oops."**

"_Smooth _move, little sis," Emmett said sarcastically.

**"Charlie's getting up; I'd better leave," Edward said with resignation. My heart stopped beating. He gauged my expression for a second. "Would it be childish of me to hide in your closet, then?"**

"Wow, bro, didn't know you were _'in the closet_'," Jasper joked.

**"No," I whispered eagerly. "Stay. Please." Edward smiled and disappeared. I seethed in the darkness as I waited for Charlie to check on me. Edward knew exactly what he was doing, and I was willing to be that all the injured surprise was part of the ploy. Of course, I still had the Carlisle option, but now that I knew there was a chance that Edward would change me himself, I wanted it bad. He was such a cheater.**

Edward grinned evilly at me. I crossed my arms in protest.

**My door cracked open. "Morning, Dad." "Oh, hey, Bella." He sounded embarrassed at getting caught. "I didn't know you were awake." "Yeah. I've just been waiting for you to wake up so I could take a shower," I started to get up.**

"Decent lie for once, Bells," Jake pointed out.

**"Hold on," Charlie said, flipping the light on. I blinked n the sudden brightness, and carefully kept my eyes away from the closet. "Let's talk for a minute first."**

"Here we go."

**I couldn't control my grimace. I'd forgotten to ask Alice for a good excuse.**

"This should be interesting," commented Kate.

**"You know you're in trouble." "Yeah. I know." "I just about went crazy these last three days. I come home from Harry's **_**funeral**_**, and you're gone. Jacob could only tell me that you'd run off with Alice Cullen, and that he thought you were in trouble.**

"I'm sorry, Bella, but I had to keep it simple so he didn't suspect anything worse," Jake told me honestly.

**"You didn't leave me a number, and you didn't call. I didn't know where you were or when—or if—you were coming back. Do you have any idea how…how…" He couldn't finish the sentence. He sucked in a sharp breath and moved on. "Can you give me one reason why I shouldn't ship you off to Jacksonville this second?"**

"I can think of ten," Alice and Edward said at the same time.

**My eyes narrowed. So it was going to be threats, was it? Two could play at that game. I sat up, pulling the quilt around me. "Because I don't won't go." "Now just one minute, young lady—" "Look, Dad, I accept complete responsibility for my actions, and you have the right to ground me for as long as you want.**

I took a deep breath. This was a very stressful part to read for me.

**"I will also do all the chores and laundry and dishes until you think I've learned my lesson. And I guess you're within your rights if you want to kick me out, too—but that won't make me go to Florida." **

It went really quiet in the room once again for a few moments.

**His face turned bright red. He took a few deep breaths before he answered. "Would you like to explain where you've been?" Oh, crap. "There was…an emergency." He raised his eyebrows in expectation of my brilliant explanation.**

I chuckled quietly. (so did the author lol)

**I filled my cheeks with air and then blew it out noisily. "I don't know what to tell you, Dad. It was mostly a misunderstanding. He said, she said. It got out of hand.**

"That's an understatement," Alice and Tanya said at the same time.

**He waited with a distrustful expression. "See, Alice told Rosalie about me jumping off the cliff…" **

Edward's eyebrows raised in amazement at the thought of me revealing the cliff dive.

**I was scrambling frantically to make this work, to keep it as close to the truth as possible so that my inability to lie convincingly would not undermine the excuse, but before I could go on, Charlie's expression reminded me that he didn't know anything about the cliff.**

"Bad move," Jake said.

**Major oops. As if I wasn't already toast.**

"Yeah, now you're burnt," Emmett joked.

**"I guess I didn't tell you about that," I choked out. "It was nothing. Just messing around, swimming with Jake. Anyway, Rosalie told Edward, and he was upset. She sort of accidentally sound like I was trying to kill myself or something.**

"Bells, this conversation isn't going to well," Jake chuckled.

**"He wouldn't answer his phone, so Alice dragged to…L.A., to explain in person." I shrugged, desperately hoping that he would not be so distracted by my slip that he'd miss brilliant explanation I'd provided.**

I laughed again. This explanation was sounding pretty absurd. And I was there!!

**Charlie's face was frozen. "**_**Were**_** you trying to kill yourself, Bella?" "No, of course not. Just having fun with Jake. Cliff diving. The La Push kids do it all the time. Like I said, nothing." Charlie's face heated up—from frozen to hot with fury. "What's it to Edward Cullen anyway?" he barked. "All this time, he's just left you dangling without a word—"**

Edward looked down in his lap, his eyes full of pain.

**I interrupted him. "Another misunderstanding."**

"Thank you," he whispered in my ear.

**His face flushed again. "So is he back then?" "I'm not sure what the exact plan is. I **_**think**_** they all are." He shook his head, the vein in his forehead pulsing. "I want you to stay away from him, Bella. I don't trust him. He's rotten for you. I won't let him mess you up like that again."**

"Too late for that," Alice said in a sing-song voice.

**"Fine," I said curtly. Charlie rocked back onto his heels. "Oh." He scrambled for a second, exhaling loudly in surprise. "I thought you were going to be difficult."**

"So did I," Edward said.

**"I am." I stared straight into his eyes. "I meant, 'Fine, I'll move out.'" His eyes bulged; his face turned pale. My resolve wavered as I started to worry about his health. He was no younger than Harry…**

"But apparently isn't afraid of wolves," Sam chuckled.

**"Dad, I don't **_**want**_** to move out," I said in a softer tone. "I love you. I know you're worried, but you need to trust me on this. And you're going to have to ease up on Edward if you want me to stay. Do you want me to live here or not?"**

"He eased up around you, but his thoughts were speaking otherwise," Edward said honestly.

**"That's not fair, Bella. You know I want you to stay." "Then be nice to Edward, because he's going to be where I am." I said it with confidence. The conviction of my epiphany was still strong. "Not under my roof," Charlie stormed. I sighed a heavy sigh. "Look, I'm not going to give you any more ultimatums tonight—or I guess it's this morning. Just think about it for a few days, okay? But keep in mind that Edward and I are sort of a package deal." **

"Way to go, Bella!" Emmett said, getting up to give me a high five.

**"Bella—" "Think it over," I insisted. "And while you're doing that, could you give me some privacy? I **_**really**_** need a shower."**

"Eww, she hasn't showered for three days!" Embry exclaimed.

"Maybe we should have come over and hosed her done," Quil said with a mischievous grin on his face. I just shook my head in amazement.

**Charlie's face was a strange shade of purple, but he left, slamming the door behind him. I heard him stomp furiously down the stairs. I threw off my quilt, and Edward was already there, sitting in the rocking chair as he'd been present through the whole conversation.**

"I was, just not in the rocking chair."

**"Sorry about that," I whispered. "It's not as if I don't deserve far worse," he murmured. "Don't start anything with Charlie over me, please." 'Don't worry about it," I breathed as I gathered up my bathroom things and a set of clean clothes. "I will start exactly as much as is necessary, and no more than that. Or are you trying to tell me I have nowhere to go?" I widened my eyes with false alarm.**

"Dear, you are always welcome here," Esme said kindly.

**"You'd move in with a house full of vampires."**

"In a heartbeat," I said. "As long as it's _your_ house," I added, after Edward gave me a strange look.

**"That's probably the safest place for someone like me. Besides…" I grinned. "If Charlie kicks me out, then there's no need for a graduation deadline, is there?"**

Alice laughed.

**His jaw tightened. "So eager for eternal damnation," he muttered. "You know you don't really believe that." "Oh, don't I?" he fumed. "No. You don't." He glowered at me and started to speak, but I cut him off. "If you really believed that you'd lost your soul, then when I found you in Volterra, you would have realized immediately what was happening, instead of thinking we were both dead together.**

"She's got a point, son," Carlisle pointed out.

**"But you didn't—you said **_**'Amazing. Carlisle was right**_**," I reminded him, triumphant. "There's hope in you after all." For once, Edward was speechless.**

"Now there's something you don't see every day," Jasper chuckled.

**"So let's both just be hopeful, all right?" I suggested. "Not that it matters. If you stay, I don't need heaven." He got up slowly, and came to put his hands on either side of my face as he stared into my eyes. "Forever," he vowed, still a little staggered. "That's all I'm asking for," I said, and stretched up on my toes so that I could press my lips to his.**

**PHEW!!! Finally done with that chapter. Such an amazing, yet extremely complicated chapter. Very hard to keep up with the emotions and reactions on this one, which is why it took me so long to post. OH MY GOD!!!! Next chapter is Epilogue!! Where has the time gone? It feels like just yesterday that it was June, and I was starting writing the first chapter!! Anyway, see you for the final chapter, and please review!**


	29. epilogue

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters in it.**

**Wow, can you believe it? We have made it to the epilogue! I'd like to give a special shout-out to the reviewers I've had since June. There's too many to mention, but if it wasn't for you guys, I might have not made it through the whole thing, and I am grateful for you sticking by me the whole time. So here we go, the last chapter!**

Chapter 29- (The Epilogue- Treaty)

I was about to start reading when Alice shouted in delight. We all stared at her in confusion.

"There's a package coming in the mail by the time we finish the chapter!!" Alice shouted in delight. I looked at Edward for support.

"She's singing the Canada national anthem in Portuguese in her head," Edward said, chuckling.

"It's a surprise!" she exclaimed, again in delight. I sighed, and started to read.

**Almost everything was back to normal—the good, pre-zombie normal—in less time than I would have believed possible. The hospital welcomed Carlisle back with eager arms, not even bothering to conceal their delight that Esme had found life L.A. so little to her liking.**

"The hospital was more than pleased to have me back. There are very few surgeons on call to begin with."

**Thanks to the Calculus test I'd missed while abroad, Alice and Edward were in better shape to graduate than I was at the moment.**

"Well, I don't know if that counts, seeing as we've had years of experience to prepare," Edward chuckled.

**Suddenly, college was a priority (college was still plan B, on the off chance that Edward's offer swayed me from the post-graduation Carlisle option). Many deadlines had passed me by, but Edward had a new stack of applications for me to fill out every day.**

"Hey, aren't you guys going off to school next fall?" Embry asked curiously.

"Yes," I replied. "We were supposed to go this year, but then Nessie came along, so we delayed it a year."

**He'd already done the Harvard route, so it didn't bother him that, thanks to my procrastination, we might both end up at Peninsula Community College next year. Charlie was not happy with me, or speaking to Edward.**

"No surprise," Jacob said bluntly. I growled a little.

**But at least Edward was allowed—during my designated visiting hours—inside the house again. I just wasn't allowed out of it.**

"Oh man, I forgot about that. I have to tell you, it was agonizing torture being forced to not be with you during the afternoon hours."

I grinned at him. "Well, you made up for that when Charlie was asleep." Edward chuckled.

"Oh, so you _were_ getting action," Emmett teased. I threw a pillow at him.

**School and work were the only exceptions, and the dreary, dull yellow walls of my classrooms had become oddly inviting to me of late. That had a lot to do with the person who sat in the desk beside me.**

Edward chuckled.

**Edward had resumed his schedule from the beginning of the year, which put him in most of my classes again. My behavior had been such last fall, after the Cullens' supposed move to L.A., that the seat beside me had never been filled. Even Mike, always eager to take any advantage, had kept a safe distance.**

"Thank G-d," Edward muttered under his breath.

**With Edward back in place, it was almost as if the last eight months were just a disturbing nightmare.**

"I wish they were," Edward and I said at the same time. The family nodded in agreement.

**Almost, but not quite. There was the house arrest situation, for one thing. And for another, before the fall, I hadn't been best friends with Jacob Black. **

It got really awkwardly quiet in the room for a few moments.

**So, of course, I hadn't missed him then. I wasn't at liberty to go to La Push, and Jacob wasn't coming to see me. He wouldn't even answer my phone calls. I made these calls mostly at night, after Edward had been kicked out—promptly at nine by a grimly gleeful Charlie—and before Edward snuck back through my window when Charlie was asleep.**

Edward growled a little.

**I chose that time to make my fruitless calls because I'd noticed that Edward made a certain face every time I mentioned Jacob's name. Sort of disapproving and wary…maybe even angry.**

"Well, things have definitely changed since then, huh?" Carlisle said. Edward and Jake both nodded, agreeing.

**I guessed that he had some reciprocal prejudice against the werewolves, though he wasn't as vocal as Jacob had been about the "bloodsuckers."**

"No, it was more the fact I could read his thoughts and knew what he thought of you all that time."

**So, I didn't mention Jacob much. With Edward near me, it was hard to think about unhappy things—even my former best friend, who was probably very unhappy right now, due to me.**

"I was extremely upset," Jake said quietly.

**The fairy tale was back on. Prince returned, bad spell broken. I wasn't sure exactly what to do about the leftover, unresolved character. Where was **_**his **_**happily ever after?**

Renesmee put her hand up to my cheek.

VISION: Renesmee cuddled in Jake's arms.

I smiled down at her. I never realized that she understood the imprinting. I figured we would explain it to her in a few years. I looked over at Edward, who was smiling.

**Weeks passed, and Jacob still wouldn't answer my calls. It started to become a constant worry. Like a dripping faucet in the back of my head that I couldn't shut off or ignore. Drip, drip, drip. Jacob, Jacob, Jacob.**

"Trust me, all he ever was thinking about was you," Quil said seriously. The pack nodded in agreement.

**"It's just plain rude!" I vented one Saturday afternoon when Edward picked me up from work. Being angry about things was easier than feeling guilty. "Downright insulting!" **

"Well, Bells, I'm glad that I have a happy ending after, and all that. However, look at it from my point of view. I had saved you from yourself, made you non-zombie, and then he comes back, and you immediately accepted him. I understand it now, but how on earth would I have been able to understand it at that time?" Jake said honestly. It went really quiet in the room for a few moments.

**I'd varied my pattern, in hopes of a different response. I'd called Jake from work this time, only to get an unhelpful Billy. Again. "Billy said he didn't **_**want **_**to talk to me," I fumed, glaring at the rain oozing down the passenger window. "That he was there, and wouldn't walk three steps to get to the phone!**

I caught from the corner of my eye, Jacob's face start to redden a little.

**"Usually Billy just says he's out or busy or sleeping or something. I mean, it's not like I didn't know he was lying to me, but at least it was a polite way to handle it. I guess Billy hates me now, too. It's not fair!"**

"It's not that he hated you, it's just that he didn't want to be in the middle of it anymore," Jake said honestly.

**"It's not you, Bella," Edward said quietly. "Nobody hates you." "Feels that way," I muttered, folding my arms across my chest. It was no more than a stubborn gesture. There was no hole there now—I could barely remember the empty feeling anymore. **

Edward smiled while Jake frowned slightly, but it was clear he was trying to hide his frown.

**"Jacob knows we're back, and I'm sure that he's ascertained that I'm with you," Edward said.**

"Without a doubt."

**"He won't come anywhere near me. The enmity is rooted too deeply." "That's stupid. He knows you're not…like other vampires." **

"Yes, but before the imprint happened, it was still a danger to be around the Cullens even when I was around you guys during your pregnancy."

**"There's still god reason to keep a safe distance." I glared blindly out the windshield, seeing only Jacob's face, set in the bitter mask I hated. "Bella, we are what we are," Edward said quietly. "I can control myself, but I doubt he can.**

"Better than you think," Jacob muttered.

**"He's very young. It would most likely turn into a fight, and I don't know if I could stop it before I k—" he broke off, and then quickly continued.**

It went very quiet for a few moments.

**"Before I hurt him. You would be unhappy. I don't want that to happen."**

"And I know that Jacob would not have wanted that to happen either, no matter how angry he was at the situation." Jake quietly nodded at Edward's assessment.

**I remembered what Jacob had said in the kitchen, hearing the words with perfect recall in his husky voice. **_**I'm not sure that I'm even-tempered enough to handle that…You probably wouldn't like it so much if I killed your friend.**_** But he'd been able to handle it, that time…**

"That's true," Alice said thoughtfully.

**"Edward Cullen," I whispered. "Were you about to say **_**killed **_**him? Were you?" He looked away from me, staring into the rain. In front of us, the red light I hadn't noticed turned green and he started forward again, driving very slowly. Not his usual way of driving.**

"Since when are you a slow driver?" Rose chuckled. Edward chuckled as well.

**"I would try…very hard…not to do that," Edward finally said. I stared at him with my mouth hanging open, but he continued to look straight ahead. We were paused at the corner stop sign. Abruptly, I remembered what had happened to Paris when Romeo came back. The stage directions were simple: **_**They fight. Paris falls.**_

"Well, they sure as hell did fight, but luckily, both got their happy endings after all," Alice said with a smile.

**But that was ridiculous. Impossible. "Well," I said, and took a deep breath, shaking my head to dispel the words in my head. "Nothing like that is ever going to happen, so there's no reason to worry about it. And you know Charlie's staring at the clock right now."**

"I wouldn't be surprised."

**"You'd better get home before I get in more trouble for being late."**

"Trust me, you weren't the one who got in trouble this time," I reminded him, remembering what happened that day.

**I turned my face up toward him, to smile halfheartedly. Every time I looked at his face, that impossibly perfect face, my heart pounded strong and healthy and very **_**there **_**in my chest. This time, the pounding raced ahead of its usual besotted pace. I recognized the expression on his statue-still face. "You're already in more trouble, Bella," he whispered through unmoving lips.**

I let a growl escape from my chest, aimed at Jacob. He shrunk down in embarrassment. Good.

** I slid closer, clutching his arm as I followed his gaze to see what he was seeing. I don't know what I expected—maybe Victoria standing in the middle of the street, her flaming red hair blowing in the wind, or a line of tall black cloaks…or a pack of angry werewolves. **

The wolves chuckled slightly at the thought.

**But I didn't see anything at all. "What? What is it?" He took a deep breath. "Charlie…" "My dad?" I screeched. He looked down at me then, and his expression was calm enough to ease some of my panic. "Charlie…is probably **_**not**_** going to kill you, but he's thinking about it," he told me.**

Jake chuckled. I growled at him again.

**He started to drive forward again, down my street, but he passed the house and parked by the edge of the trees. **

Carlisle looked confused as to why Edward passed my house.

**"What did I do?" I gasped. Edward glanced back at Charlie's house. I followed his gaze, and noticed for the first time what was parked in front of the driveway next to the cruiser. Shiny, bright red, impossible to miss. My motorcycle, flaunting itself in the driveway.**

"Yeah, because that's mature," Rose said sarcastically.

**Edward had said that Charlie was ready to kill me, so he must know that—that it was **_**mine**_**. There was only one person who could be behind this treachery. "No!" I gasped. "**_**Why**_**? Why would Jacob do this to me?"**

"Jealousy," he answered honestly.

**The sting of betrayal washed through me. I had trusted Jacob implicitly—trusted him with every single secret I had. **

"And then threw it away to go back with the vampire," Paul said angrily. Jasper sent a wave of calmness over him. "Sorry, man, but I don't know if I would have reacted much differently to this situation," he said calmly to Edward. Edward nodded understandingly.

**He was supposed to be my safe harbor—the person I could always rely on.**

"I used to think that too," Jake said quietly. I looked at him with remorse. "Don't worry, I don't feel that way now, now that the situation has changed."

**Of course things were strained right now, but I didn't think any of the underlying foundation had changed. I didn't think that was **_**changeable**_**! What had I done to deserve this? Charlie was going to be so mad—and worse than that, he was going to be hurt and worried.**

"For good reason," Edward said quietly. I looked at him, half confused, half angry. "I don't mind you riding the bike, you know that. But you shouldn't have, for Charlie's sake, and your own."

**Didn't he have enough to deal with already? I would have never imagined that Jake could be so petty and just plain **_**mean.**_

__"It was pretty stupid, now that I look back at it," Jake admitted.

**Tears sprang, smarting, into my eyes, but they were not tears of sadness. I had been betrayed.**

"That's how I felt as well," Jake said quietly.

**I was suddenly so angry that my head throbbed like it was going to explode. "Is he still here?" I hissed. "Yes. He's waiting for us there." Edward told me, nodding toward the slender path that divided the dark fringe of the forest in two. **

All of a sudden, the doorbell ring. Alice squealed, and jumped up to get the door. We all looked at each other in confusion and curiosity. She danced back in with a package in her hands.

"What have you got there, Alice?" Carlisle asked in curiosity.

"You have to wait until the end of the chapter," Alice said evilly.

"She's still hiding it in her head," Edward growled under his breath. Alice chuckled.

**I jumped out of the car, launching myself toward the trees with my hands already balled into fists for the first punch. **

"Remember last time that happened?" Jake chuckled. "Not the smartest idea."

**Why did Edward have to be so much faster than me? He caught me around the waist before I made the path. "Let me go! I'm going to murder him! **_**Traitor!" **_**I shouted the epithet toward the trees. "Charlie will hear you," Edward warned me. "And once he gets you inside, he may brick over the doorway."**

"That wouldn't matter, seeing as you come through the window," I grinned at Edward. He chuckled.

**I glanced back at the house instinctively, and it seemed like the glossy red bike was all I could see. I was seeing red. My head throbbed again. "Just give me one round with Jacob, and then I'll deal with Charlie." I struggled futilely to break free.**

"It's a good thing you didn't, because I can't say I'm sure that we wouldn't have gotten involved," Sam said honestly.

**"Jacob Black wants to see me. That's why he's still here." That stopped me cold—took the fight right out of me. My hands went limp. **_**They fight. Paris falls**_**. I was furious, but not that furious. "Talk?" I agreed. "More or less."**

"I kind of wish that I was there to remind you of who you are," Carlisle said.

**"How much more?" My voice shook. Edward smoothed my hair back from my face. "Don't worry, he's not here to fight me. He's acting as…spokesperson for the pack."**

"And it felt awkward as hell," Jake pointed out.

**"Oh." Edward looked at the house again, then tightened his arm around my waist and pulled me toward the woods. "We should hurry. Charlie's getting impatient." We didn't have to go far; Jacob waited just a short ways up the path. He lounged against a mosey tree trunk as he waited, his face hard and bitter, exactly the way I knew it would be.**

"Bracing for impact much?" Embry halfway joked. No response.

**He looked at me, and then at Edward. Jacob's mouth stretched into a humorless sneer, and he shrugged away from the tree.**

"How mature," Rose said sarcastically.

**He stood on the balls of his bare feet, leaning slightly forward, with his trembling hands clenched into fists. He looked bigger than the last time I'd seen him. Somehow, impossibly, he was still growing.**

"It's a wolf thing," Paul joked. I laughed.

**He would tower over Edward, if they stood next to each other. But Edward stopped as soon as we saw him, leaving wide space between us and Jacob. Edward turned his body, shifting me so that I was behind him. I leaned around him to stare at Jacob—to accuse him with my eyes. I would have thought that seeing his resentful, cynical expression would only make me angrier.**

"I hate to say it, but I was sort of hoping for that," Jake said in a quiet, ashamed voice.

**Instead, it reminded me of the last time I'd seen him, with tears in his eyes.**

I took a deep breath, remembering that once again.

**My fury weakened, faltered, as I stared at Jacob. It had been so long since I'd last seen him—I hated that our reunion had to be like **_**this.**_

__"So did I."

**"Bella," Jacob said as a greeting, nodding once toward me without looking away from Edward. "Why?" I whispered, trying to hide the sound of the lump in my throat. "How could you do this to me, Jacob?" The sneer vanished, but his face stayed hard and rigid. "It's for the best."**

Alice snorted in disgust and disagreement.

**"What is **_**that**_** supposed to mean? Do you want Charlie to **_**strangle **_**me? Or do you want him to have a heart attack, like Harry? No matter how mad you are at me, how could you do this to **_**him**_**?"**

"Jacob, as angry as you were at the situation. As angry as we all were, putting Charlie's life in danger was stupid," Sam pointed out.

"If he could handle us being werewolves, he sure as hell was fine with that without dying or getting hurt!" It went very quiet.

"Jacob, maybe should go hunt for a while," Carlisle and Sam said at the same time. Jacob stormed out of the room. Then I felt a wave of calmness come over, and I was able to read again. Except it was too difficult, because I was too upset at the moment.

A few minutes later, Jacob walked in quietly, and sat down quietly. It was silent in the room for a few minutes.

**Jacob winced, and his eyebrows pulled together, but he didn't answer. "He didn't want to hurt anyone—he just wanted to get you grounded, so that you wouldn't be allowed to spend time with me," Edward murmured, explaining the thoughts Jacob wouldn't say.**

"Except for the fact that he can just crawl through her window," Alice deliberately pointed out.

**Jacob's eyes sparkled with hate as he glowered at Edward again. "Aw, Jake!" I groaned. "I'm **_**already**_** grounded! Why do you think I haven't been down to La Push to kick your butt for avoiding my phone calls?"**

Embry, Quil, and Seth all snickered.

**Jacob's eyes flashed back to me, confused for the first time. "That's why?" he asked, and then locked his jaw, like he was sorry he'd said anything.**

"Dumbass," Jasper and Emmett said at the same time. Esme eyes them cautiously. They went quiet.

**"He thought **_**I **_**wouldn't let you, not Charlie," Edward explained again. **

"And for a while after this event, you didn't," I reminded him. He growled a little.

**"Stop that," Jacob snapped. Edward didn't answer. Jacob shuddered once, and then gritted his teeth as hard as his fists. "Bella wasn't exaggerating about your…abilities," he said through his teeth. **

"I'm not a great liar to begin with, so why would I lie about that?" I said.

**"So you must already know why I'm here." "Yes," Edward agreed in a soft voice. "But, before you begin, I need to say something." Jacob waited, clenching and unclenching his hands as he tried to control the shivers rolling down his arms. "Thank you," Edward said, and his voice throbbed with the depth of his sincerity. "I will never be able to tell you how grateful I am. I will owe you for the rest of my…existence."**

"Well done, son, that was needed to be said," Esme complimented her son proudly. Edward smiled at her.

**Jacob stared at him blankly, his shudders stilled by surprise. He exchanged a quick glance with me, but my face was just as mystified.**

"What can I say? I guess you can call me 'old-fashioned'," Edward joked, putting air quotes around the word old-fashioned. We laughed. "I was raised to be respectful and give thanks where is needed."

**"For keeping Bella alive," Edward clarified, his voice rough and fervent. "When I…didn't." "Edward—," I started to say, but he held one hand up, his eyes on Jacob. Understanding washed over Jacob's face before the hard mask returned. "I didn't do it for your benefit."**

"I'm sure he already knew that," Tanya said sarcastically.

**"I know. But that doesn't erase the gratitude I feel. I thought you should know. If there's ever anything in my power to do for you…" Jacob raised one black brow. Edward shook his head. "That's not in my power."**

My family looked on in curiosity.

**"Whose, then?" Jacob growled. Edward looked down at me. "Hers. I'm a quick learner, Jacob Black, and I don't make the same mistake twice. I'm here until she orders me away."**

"Which will be never," I reminded him. He smiled and leaned down to my level give kiss me.

**I was immersed momentarily in his golden gaze. It wasn't hard to understand what I'd missed in the conversation. The only thing that Jacob would want from Edward would be his absence.**

"And before I met Nessie, that's how I felt constantly," Jake said honestly. It went quiet for a few moments.

**"Never," I whispered, still locked in Edward's eyes. Jacob made a gagging noise. I unwillingly broke free from Edward's gaze to frown at Jacob. "Was there something else you needed, Jacob? You wanted me in trouble—mission accomplished. Charlie might just send me to military school.**

Edward shuddered at that thought.

**"But that won't keep me away from Edward. There's nothing that can do **_**that. **_**What more do you want?" Jacob kept his eyes on Edward. "I just need to remind your bloodsucking friends of a few key points in the treaty they agree to.**

"Doesn't count if the person wants to be changed," Alice reminded them. This no matter counted, as to the fact that Jacob had imprinted on Nessie, but back to the story, since we already knew that.

**"The treaty that is the only thing stopping me from ripping his throat out right this minute." "We haven't forgotten," Edward said at the same time that I demanded, "What key points?" Jacob still glowered at Edward, but he answered me. "The treaty is quite specific. If any of them bite a human, the truce is over. **_**Bite,**_** not kill," he emphasized. **

"That didn't work as planned," Jared chuckled.

**Finally, he looked at me. His eyes were cold. It only took me a second to grasp the distinction, and then my face was as cold as his. "That's none of your business."**

Nessie looked scared. I rubbed her back calmly, while continuing to read.

**"The hell it—" was all he managed to choke out. I didn't expect my hasty words to bring on such a strong response. Despite the warning he'd come to give, he must not have known. He must have thought the warning was just a precaution. He hadn't realized—or didn't want to believe that I had already made my choice.**

Jake shuddered.

**That I was really intending to become a member of the Cullen family. My answer sent Jacob into near convulsions. He pressed his fists hard against his temples, closing his eyes tight and curling in on himself as he tried to control the spasms.**

"I don't know if I blame him."

**His face turned sallow green under the russet skin. "Jake?" You okay?' I asked anxiously. I took a half-step toward him, then Edward caught me and yanked me back behind his own body.**

Carlisle's and Sam's eyes rose in fear.

**"Careful! He's not under control," he warned me. But Jacob was already somewhat himself again; only his arms were shaking now. He scowled at Edward with pure hate. "Ugh. **_**I **_**would never hurt her."**

"And I never will again," Edward whispered in my ear sweetly.

**Neither Edward or I missed the inflection, or the accusation it contained. A low hiss escaped Edward's lips. Jacob clenched his fists reflexively. "BELLA!" Charlie's roar echoed from the direction of the house. "YOU GET IN THIS HOUSE THIS INSTANT!"**

"I was waiting for that one," Emmett chuckled.

**All of us froze, listening to the silence that followed. I was the first to speak; my voice trembled. "Crap."**

We all cracked up laughing at my pointless response. Ha, ha! He's screaming at the top of his lungs, and all I could come up with was 'crap.' Wow, Bella, creative, I thought sarcastically. I focused my mind hard on Edward, and he chuckled.

**Jacob's furious expression faltered. "I **_**am **_**sorry about that," he muttered. "I had to do what I could—I had to try…" **

"Stupid move, _dog_," Rose sneered.

**"Thanks." The tremor in my voice ruined the sarcasm. I stared up the path half-expecting Charlie to come barreling through the wet ferns like an enraged bull. I would be the red flag in that scenario.**

"You already were," Edward said.

**"Just one more thing," Edward said to me, and then he looked at Jacob. "We've found no trace of Victoria on our side of the line—have you?" He knew the answer as soon as Jacob thought it, but Jacob spoke the answer anyway.**

"Well, I figured that you should know as well."

**The last time was while Bella was…away. We let her think she was slipping through—we were tightening the circle, getting ready to ambush her—" Ice shot down my spine. "But then she took off like a bat out of hell. Near as we can tell, she caught your little female's scent and bailed. She hasn't come near our lands since."**

"Not for long," I muttered quietly.

**Edward nodded. "When she comes back, she's not your problem anymore. We'll—" "She killed on our turf," Jacob hissed. She's ours!"**

"Honestly, I didn't care who killed her as long as someone did it," I said thoughtfully.

**"No," I began to protest both declarations. "BELLA! I SEE HIS CAR AND I **_**KNOW **_**YOU'RE OUT THERE! IF YOU ARENT INSIDE THIS HOUSE IN **_**ONE **_**MINUTE…!" Charlie didn't bother to finish his threat.**

"Wow," was all my family could say.

**"Let's go," Edward said. I looked back at Jacob, torn. Would I see him again?**

Jake grinned at me. He looked down at himself, then at me, then back down at himself. "Well, seeing as I'm in the same room as you, I'd say that's a yes." I stuck my tongue out at him, but couldn't hold back the grin.

**"Sorry," he whispered so low that I had to read his lips to understand. "Bye, Bells." "You promised," I reminded him desperately. "Still friends, right?" Jacob shook his head slowly, and the lump in my throat nearly strangled me. "You know how hard I've tried to keep that promise, but…I can't see how to keep trying. Not now…" **

I took a deep breath, after feeling another huge lump in my throat, giving me pain physically and emotionally.

**He struggled to keep his hard mask in place, but it wavered, and then disappeared. "Miss you," he mouthed. One of his hands reached toward me, his fingers outstretched, like he wished they were long enough to cross the distance between us. "Me too," I choked out. My hand reached toward his across the wide space.**

It was very quiet in the room. It was a very tense atmosphere right now. Alice got up and danced over to me and whispered in my ear, "Don't worry, you'll be happy when you see what's in the package." She grinned at me and danced back to her spot next to Jasper.

**Like we were connected, the echo of his pain twisted inside me. His pain, my pain. "Jake…" I took a step toward him. I wanted to wrap my arms around his waist and erase the expression of misery on his face.**

"I don't know if I would have let you, honestly," Edward told me. A small growl escaped against my will.

**Edward pulled me back again, his arms restraining instead of defending. "It's okay," I promised him, looking up to read his face with trust in my eyes. He would understand. His eyes were unreadable, his face expressionless. Cold. No, it's not." "Let her go," Jacob snarled, furious again.**

I was struggling to hold myself together. If I was still human, I probably would have passed out from all this pain. Poor Jasper must be going crazy with these emotions. I eyed Jasper apologetically.

**"She **_**wants **_**to!" he took two long strides forward. A glint of anticipation flashed in his eyes. His chest seemed to swell as it shuddered. Edward pushed me behind himself, wheeling to face Jacob. "No! Edward—!" "ISABELLA SWAN!" "Come on! Charlie's mad!" My voice was panicked, but not because of Charlie now. "Hurry!"**

"The truth is, I didn't want to leave. I wanted this situation resolved, but I couldn't do anything about it."

**I tugged on him and he relaxed a little. He pulled me back slowly, always keeping his eyes on Jacob as we retreated. Jacob watched us with a dark scowl on his bitter face. The anticipation drained from his eyes, and then, just before the forest came between us, his face suddenly crumpled in pain. I knew that last glimpse of his face would haunt me until I saw him smile again.**

I took another deep breath. Come on, Bella, we're almost done, let's just get through this, no matter how difficult this is to read. Besides, I'm curious what Alice has got in store for us. I took another deep breath and continued.

**And right there I vowed that I **_**would **_**see him smile, and soon. **

Jake grinned his infamous smile at me. I laughed.

**I would find a way to keep my friend. Edward kept his arm tight around my waist, holding me close. That was the only thing that held the tears inside my eyes. I had some serious problems.**

"I'd say so," Jake and Emmett said at the same time, sarcastically. I stuck my tongue out at them.

**My best friend count me with his enemies. Victoria was still on the loose, putting everyone I loved in danger. If I didn't become a vampire soon, the Volturi would kill me. And now it seemed that if I **_**did**_**, the Quileute werewolves would try to do the job themselves—along with trying to kill my future family.**

"Someone needs to see a psychiatrist," Alice teased.

"Except it would probably have to be a vampire psychiatrist, because anyone else would think she's crazy and send her to a mental institute," Carlisle chuckled.

**I didn't think they had any chance really, but would my best friend get himself killed in the attempt. Very serious problems. So why did they all suddenly seem insignificant when we broke through the last of the trees and I caught sight of the expression on Charlie's purple face? Edward squeezed me gently. "I'm here." I drew in a deep breath. That was true. Edward was here, with his arms around me. I could face anything as long as that was true. I squared my shoulders and walked forward to meet my fate, with my destiny solidly at my side.**

And with that, I closed the book.

"Wow."

"So, that's the end?" Carlisle asked me curiously. I nodded.

"Now what?" asked half the people in the room at the same time. Then Alice got up to get the package from the front hall table. She came back in with it and handed it to me.

"Open it!" Alice exclaimed excitedly, handing me a pair of scissors. I cut the tape, opened the box, only to find two more books.

"What are these?" I asked in confusion. I looked at them. One was titled Eclipse, and the other was titled Breaking Dawn.

"They're the next books in the series," she said with a smile on her face.

**The End**

**Guess what! We're done! The story is done. And yes, for those of you who still haven't figured out the surprise, I will be doing Eclipse and Breaking Dawn as well, so add me to author alerts, so you will know when I post the first chapter! Once again, thank you to everyone for the support and sticking by throughout the process.**


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